Food Fight: Pure Bread Jellyism – The Right Way to PB&J

by | Mar 4, 2025 | Florida, Food & Drink, Fun | 227 comments

Recently, I learned that what I thought was a harmless but wrong thing my wife does has adherents in this very food community. My Glibs, we need to talk about how to make a peanut butter and jelly (or jam or preserve) sandwich correctly.

The Wrong Way

Let’s assume for a moment that we all agree that both the peanut butter and the jelly go on the inside. If you’re a sticky-fingered vulgarian, nothing in this missive is going to save you. But my friends, I’m sad to tell you there are people out there… People who interact with you and me on this board… These people… apply the peanut butter to one slice of bread and then they put the jelly on top of that! Can you imagine? This sickness, this perversion of the natural order, this… comingling of ingredients goes on far too often.

The Correct Way

My friends, let me introduce you to the Right Path, the path of Pure Bread Jellyism. Let me break it down to the basics. You got two bread, you got two ingredients. You put the peanut butter on one slice of bread. And then, the magic happens. You take your knife, you get jelly (or jam or preserve) on it and you spread it…. on the other bread! And lo, does the jelly spread far more evenly and stick to the bread in a nice, smooth even layer. Once you’ve tried this you’ll hear choirs of angels singing because it is clearly the correct path. And then, just to complete the thought, you take your nice smooth layer of jelly on bread, and you stick it (jelly side) to the nice smooth layer of peanut butter on bread! As was Right and Meet.

Listen, its time for your come to Jelly moment here. The tent is up, the revival has started. All you have to do is pick up your spreading knife and walk through the door to a better place. Do not let the foul spreaders of jelly on peanut butter (like Spud) tempt you away. Come back to the light, come back to the Pure Bread and spread your Jelly there.

Epilogue

Ain’t nothing better than starting a food fight. let’s have it out in the comments. Pure Bread versus miscengenators. Also, if this gave you a moment’s diversion, throw your next food hill that you take far too seriously in the comments and maybe we’ll make this a recurring feature.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

227 Comments

  1. kinnath

    I do not like PBJs.

    I like peanut butter.

    I like jelly.

    I do not like them together in the same sandwich.

    I am a hardcore segregationist.

    • Rat on a train

      It all goes to the same place, but how it gets there matters.

      • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

        Down the sewer, or San Fran style?

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      “I do not like PB and Jam,

      Said kennethIAM”

  2. Rat on a train

    I know it is PB&J, but preserves are the only way to go.

    • The Other Kevin

      My wife makes her own jams and those make a superb sandwich.

    • Drake

      What kind of miscreant would put the jelly (or preserves) directly on the peanut butter?

      Probably the same people who think toilet paper should come out of the back of the role.

      • WTF

        I do it that way because that’s how my mom always did it. However, I am willing to try new things. I shall next time do it Brett’s way and decide which is in fact superior.

      • R.J.

        I do peanut butter on both pieces of bread. Then jelly on top. That way my sandwich does not get spoiled by bleed through of the jelly when it has to sit for hours during transport.

      • UnCivilServant

        The soaked bread is part of the textural flavor of the dish!

      • R.J.

        When the bread turns purple from jelly melt through it is no longer wonderous.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        I do peanut butter on both pieces of bread. Then jelly on top. That way my sandwich does not get spoiled by bleed through of the jelly when it has to sit for hours during transport.

        I thought I would never find the correct answer. You PB both sides, jelly is sloshing around in the middle. Behold: https://www.smuckersuncrustables.com/

      • R C Dean

        What kind of cheapass bread and jelly* are you using?

        *”jelly” here is a generic term that covers any fruit based spreadable food

  3. Nephilium

    It pains me, but I must side with Brett. I even use different knives, because no one really wants Goobers.

  4. Fourscore

    2 slices of toast

    1 extra crunchy peanie butter, 1 sweet condiment, your choice

    Eat the peanie butter toast first, a little milk, then enjoy the second piece of toast as dessert

    I have lots of experience and expertise, younger folks may not grasp the importance of the correct consumption

    • Fourscore

      Kinnath knows and understands the correct methodology

    • The Other Kevin

      At one point there was a local restaurant that made a fancy PB & J. Made with thick sliced homemade bread, toasted, and with homemade preserves. Amazing. Sadly there were just another in a string of restaurants that came and went in that spot.

  5. The Other Kevin

    “throw your next food hill that you take far too seriously”

    I hate it when people season their food before even tasting it. At restaurants and at my house. The chef (aka Kevin) took the effort to create the dish they way they envision it. At least try it that way.

    In Minnesota, there’s a breakfast place called Fat Nat’s Eggs (h/t Tundra), and on the menu it says NO SUBSITUTIONS, THIS IS THE WAY I MAKE IT.

    • Nephilium

      I get no substitutions, I get more annoyed when I can’t ask for something to be omitted.

      Yes, usually you can pick it off, but that makes a mess, wastes food, and wastes time.

      • DrOtto

        I quit fighting this fight. If it comes with something I don’t like (that’s code for mushrooms), I just don’t order it.

    • WTF

      My wife loves salt, and always salts her food before tasting because she knows properly seasoned food is not salty enough for her.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Let’s assume for a moment that we all agree that both the peanut butter and the jelly go on the inside.

    Bold assumption, right out of the gate.

    Just yesterday, I had peanut butter and jelly on triscuits (openfaced) as my afternoon snack.

    Also- for some inexplicable reason, red currant jelly is impossible to find on the shelf around here. I finally resorted to ordering it on Amazon.

    • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

      Shocking that the man who doesn’t know how to reply would be a pagan.

  7. Fourscore

    My dad was a serious salt eater. His open faced peanut butter and bread would be white, like snow.

    My mother would chastise him for salting his food without tasting it. OTOH I don’t use salt at all, Mrs F will secretly salt stuff lightly and I pretend not to notice.

  8. PieInTheSky

    never had one. I am not sure I ever had peanut butter. But peanut butter and whatever jelly is seems very caloric and rather low protein for the calories. I mean I guess if it is a rare thing calories are not that important.

    • Urthona

      Peanut butter is an amazing source of protein. Jelly I would forgo.

      It’s high fat/high calorie aspect is pretty much its biggest selling point. One peanut butter sandwich and you don’t need to eat for about 8 hours.

      • PieInTheSky

        25g of protein to 50 of fat is not that good of a ratio… for 100g of butter of the pea nut

      • Urthona

        No such thing as a bad ratio of fat/protein.

      • WTF

        No such thing as a bad ratio of fat/protein.

        Yes, fat doesn’t make you fat, carbs make you fat.

      • PieInTheSky

        fat doesn’t make you fat – it does though

      • WTF

        Maybe for vampires.

    • Nephilium

      Peanut butter is high in fat and protein, which is why it became a cheap staple. From all that I’ve read, it seems Europe doesn’t quite grasp the concept of mashing peanuts with some salt to make a paste.

      • rhywun

        In Germany you get Nutella instead. 🥴

    • Certified Public Asshat

      I am not sure I ever had peanut butter.

      What the fuck.

  9. Ted S.

    Step 1: Put the peanut butter away and get the liverwurst out of the fridge.
    Step 2: Put the jelly away and get the cheese out of the fridge.
    Step 3: butter the bread and put the liverwurst and cheese on it.

    If you want peanut butter, get a spoon and eat it straight out of the jar.

    • Ted S.

      Better yet, eat Nutella instead of peanut butter.

      • Sean

        Pistachio butter > Almond butter > Peanut butter

      • Ted S.

        What kind of monster is UCS?

    • mikey

      “ get a spoon and eat it straight out of the jar.”
      Ted’s is finally right about something.

      • Sean

        Celery is also an acceptable delivery system.

      • Ted S.

        I’m right about everything, thank you very much.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Of all the food combinations in the world, there is never a reason to eat peanut butter on celery.

      • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

        ‘there is never a reason to eat peanut butter on celery.’

        But…. How will the ants stick to the log then?

      • Sean

        But…. How will the ants stick to the log then?

        Eeew. No. Way to make it weird.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        No. You use a fork, as it doesn’t have drag.

    • Gender Traitor

      If you want peanut butter, get a spoon and eat it straight out of the jar.

      This is the way. If you share the peanut butter with others, use a large spoon, as double-dipping is frowned upon. If the jar is yours alone, dip as many times as you like.

    • Brett L

      Haram.

  10. UnCivilServant

    If you try to apply the jelly to the peanut butter – it won’t stay there! It sill slide off before you get the other slice fo bread in place.

  11. Derpetologist

    I ate peanut butter in some form (usually a sandwich with no jelly) almost every day from the age of 4 to about 16. Then I just couldn’t take it anymore, at least daily.

    Toasted rye bread makes a fine basis for a PB sandwich.

  12. Sean

    You people are eating food meant for children.

    There, I said it.

      • Evan from Evansville

        @UCS: That right there’s damn funny. Legit, out-loud laughter.

        Organisms are so curious with their ‘comfort foods.’ That we’re smart enough to write it out, and care enough to do so, is a grand achievement.

        See also: Pornography. (I’ll be in my bunk. Also pullin’ a Costanza with Cubs spring training. PCA’s hella fun.)

    • Nephilium

      Hey, there was no talk of cutting off the crusts, that makes it fancy… I think.

      • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

        If you also cut it diagonally it turns you gay.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Like mac and cheese.

      • Gender Traitor

        Mac and cheese is manna from heaven

  13. The Gunslinger

    Just this morning I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my lunch. You stack the 2 slices on a plate so the spreading surface is well clear of the plate. You spread your peanut butter on the top slice. You wipe the knife down with a napkin. You spread the jelly on top of the peanut butter. You place the bottom slice on top and you’re done. Well, put the entire delicacy in a Ziploc bag.
    So simple most of you miscreants could probably handle it.

    • UnCivilServant

      So you admit to doing it wrong.

      • The Gunslinger

        I just ate it and it tasted perfect. Seems as if it was made correctly.

      • UnCivilServant

        And this is why you will continue to fail.

      • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

        It’s even more disgusting that you think it tastes good that way.

        “You wipe the knife down with a napkin”

        *Hurk*

      • The Gunslinger

        Well, I’m not a savage that would jam a peanut butter covered knife into the jelly jar and make a mess for the next person.

      • UnCivilServant

        You use two knives and assembly-line multiple sandwiches, washing the utensils once final assembly of the completed stack is verified, or you run out of bread.

        /Large family.

  14. PieInTheSky

    Also my mom’s bitter cherry preserves are better than anything you find in Murika so there.

    • Urthona

      OH YOU TAKE THAT SHIT BACK.

    • Nephilium

      Can you even get black raspberries over there (not blackberries)?

      • PieInTheSky

        you can but bitter cherries are better

      • Rat on a train

        Boysenberries, a SoCal creation.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Only if you are a Blackula!

    • UnCivilServant

      When are the arrests and prosecutions?

      I voted for prosecutions and electorial integrety! I’ve gotten neither so far.

    • Suthenboy

      The EU lot do the same thing. They are all reading the approved script for the Ukraine war now. Zelensky is a brave and stunning warrior for democracy.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    You people are eating food meant for children.

    There, I said it.

    I drink lots and lots of milk, too. And?

    • Sean

      I stopped with whole milk when I went keto. I have nothing against it.

      • Mojeaux

        I can’t drink milk anymore. It snots up my head like a mofo. Soft cheeses do it too, but to a lesser degree, so I still eat cottage cheese.

      • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

        Fluffer nutter sandwiches…

  16. UnCivilServant

    Don’t have any peanut butter, but I am snacking on roasted peanuts. Apparently 1 ounce of peanuts (Ingredients: peanuts, peanut oil, sea salt; Warning: contains peanuts) has 5g of Carbs. 🙁

  17. The Late P Brooks

    I stopped with whole milk when I went keto. I have nothing against it.

    I would stop drinking milk completely before I switched to that low fat abomination.

    I confess to eating entirely too many grain based carbs, like cookies in the morning with my coffee.

    • Mojeaux

      FTA:

      “Between 1801 and 1913 […] 1913 […] started … in 1790 […] until President Franklin D. Roosevelt […] in 1947 […]

      I am often gobsmacked by how young we are and how little time has passed since 1776. We have learned nothing in 250 years and that’s all it’s taken to drive our republic into the ground.

  18. kinnath

    1) warm a flour tortilla
    2) spread liberal amounts of peanut butter across the tortilla
    3) roll it up
    4) consume the perfect one-handed snack

    • UnCivilServant

      Your proposal has failed parameters.

      The task was for a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich.

      • kinnath

        I waited 41 minutes before going off topic.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Add some butter and fold it after you roll it up, leakproof!

    • The Other Kevin

      Now THAT’S how you insurrection.

    • Rat on a train

      gender reveal?

  19. Gustave Lytton

    51 comments and no mention of cutting the crust off. I assume that’s because everyone agrees cutting the crust off is the only correct way.

    (Sometimes I get lazy and revert to my heathen ways and eat a PBJ with the crust on)

    • UnCivilServant

      You clearly didn’t read the comments.

      Besides, it is because everyone know that such barbarism is childish.

    • R.J.

      No mention of orange marmalade either.

      • Ted S.

        That’s because we’re not down in old New Orleans.

    • Spudalicious

      You eat the crust first.

  20. pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    Crunchy peanut butter > smooth peanut butter

    • Mojeaux

      This is the way.

      White bread, butter (yes, THAT kind), extra-crunchy peanut butter, and grape jelly.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Sorry, dentures= creamy

    • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

      Why would I want only partially buttered peanuts?

      • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

        Texture is an important part of the sandwich experience. You could, for instance, throw all of your PB&J ingredients in a blender and then drink it with a straw, but I doubt you’ll enjoy it as much.

      • UnCivilServant

        Yes, texture is vital, which is why the barbed shards of impureed peanuts have no place in it.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes, texture is vital

        Which is why it needs some. People don’t like eating sticky slime.

  21. PieInTheSky

    I have an important question: bread knife. Washed every single time when used, or if you just slice a bit of bread you just slip it back in its place.

    • Urthona

      I may have to do one of those for my favorite — the grilled cheese sandwich.

      • Urthona

        This went to the wrong place.

        I am super lame.

    • UnCivilServant

      While you don’t make this sandwich with fresh sliced bread, you use presliced, in other uses, you clean the darn knife.

    • Nephilium

      If it’s a standard loaf of bread (flour, salt, water, yeast) I’ll wipe it down before putting it away. Anything additions to the loaf will have the knife getting washed.

    • Not Adahn

      If used it does NOT go back in the block until it’s clean.

      However, leaving on the board next to the bread is fine.

      • UnCivilServant

        You leave your bread out?

      • Not Adahn

        You can’t bag it until it’s cooled completely, which is after it’s cool enough to eat. But even then after bagging It stays on the board.

      • rhywun

        For the love of all that is holy – if you use a knife block, throw it out.

        Mine got all moldy and bacteriaey inside. I don’t have terribly fancy knives now but for the ones I have use plastic sheathes.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Agreed. Knife blocks are spawns of future civilizations that will eventually overthrow us

      • kinnath

        Mine got all moldy and bacteriaey inside.

        put your knives away clean and dry

        no problems in more than two decades with mine

    • Urthona

      There are so many winning issues the Democrats could be harping on as the US heads towards a GDP decline.

      They keep picking the wrong ones.

      • R C Dean

        I am unclear what issues the Dems are on the winning/popular side of just now.

        Men cosplaying as women? They’re all for it.
        Refusing to cut fraud and abuse? Sign them up, although they’ll have to get in line with the Repubs.
        Floods of illegals paid for with government money? Oh, baby, yeah. Take my money, Jesus.

    • The Other Kevin

      You can then give away the Cyber Truck in performative protest and the video will go viral on Tik Tok.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Bargain hunting on Wall Street today.

  23. Derpetologist

    As a wee lad, my grandma would cut my pb sammich into 4 little squares and put them in a row she called a choo-choo. There was something endearing about that.

    • Mojeaux

      I cut my kids’ sandwiches in 4. Square for XY. Diagonal for XX. That way I knew who ate how much.

      • Rat on a train

        My son would eat whatever my daughter doesn’t. She has to be careful about leaving things for later.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    No mention of orange marmalade either.

    American orange marmalade is too sweet. I used to buy a Limey “three fruits” marmalade (orange/lemon/grapefruit, I think) which was excellent. I haven’t seen that anywhere in more than a decade.

  25. CPRM

    All well and good, but you must eat it jelly side up, otherwise it will stick to the roof of your mouth.

    • UnCivilServant

      it will stick to the roof of your mouth.

      You say that as if it is a bad thing.

  26. Spudalicious

    Brett is gay and a fag, and his shit’s fucked up.

    • Rat on a train

      Thanks Dr Lexus.

    • Sensei

      Ouch…

    • Gustave Lytton

      Sure, but think of the fashion possibilities. Last time we got balaclavas and cardigans.

  27. Mojeaux

    Is my mother the only person ever to ALSO put butter on the bread? I won’t eat PB&J any other way, but my kids roundly rejected that in a storm of gagging pantomime the first time I did it.

    • UnCivilServant

      Why would you butter the bread?

    • Gustave Lytton

      My wife puts butter under mayo on savory sandwiches.

      • Mojeaux

        I do too.

      • Mojeaux

        Restaurants do that.

    • R C Dean

      I think so, yes. Although butter is up there with bacon on the “improves everything” list, so I don’t see anything wrong with it.

      • Mojeaux

        BBBT sandwich. Toast, butter, mayo, bacon bacon bacon.

        Also. What you said the other day about my having already ACTED with the partition has really really really helped. Thank you very much.

    • Ownbestenemy

      That is how grandma taught us. My guess is old trick from WWII to add fat to a kids diet

  28. The Late P Brooks

    I seem to recall something about the protein in peanut butter by itself not being properly digestible/assimilable; something about amino acids, maybe? That’s why you pair it with milk.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      You pair it with milk because God wants us happy, like beer and chocolate

    • PieInTheSky

      the protein is fine but like most plant proteins they do not have all the essential amino acids in sufficient quantity; most animal foods do. You need to combine different plant foods to get the necessary aminos usually. Also the science is not fully clear but it seems like plant protein is a little less bioavailable compared to animal protein.

      • PieInTheSky

        milk is a fairly complete and well absorbed protein source so it probably compensates for the lacking amino acids in the legume spread.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Is my mother the only person ever to ALSO put butter on the bread?

    When I put peanut butter on toast or an English muffin (peanut butter on cinnamon raisin muffin, FTW!) I always butter it first.

  30. Gustave Lytton

    And Adam’s no stir is the superior peanut butter.

    • Drake

      His spoiled child act has worked for 3 years.

    • R C Dean

      Somewhere in the multiverse, JD responds by telling him in fluent Ukrainian that his mother didn’t think so after JD finished taking her doggy-style.

      • cavalier973

        That would have been something to see.

        Like, motion pictures 50 years from now would still be referencing it.

    • Drake

      I thought it was in Russian?

      He learned to speak Ukrainian just a few years ago and still isn’t that fluent.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    White-knighting the Deep State

    In other words, Musk believes that the US government has been producing useless goods and services just to inflate GDP numbers.

    This argument is substantively unsound. And it also appears politically motivated: Musk’s comments came in response to a new projection from the Atlanta Federal Reserve, which showed GDP on pace to decline during the first quarter of this year. Musk’s implication was that this projected decline is entirely attributable to his elimination of wasteful government activities that had been distorting growth statistics.

    Stripping government spending from official GDP data would not be the most corrosive form of data manipulation. Such tampering would at least be transparent; the administration would not be producing fabricated economic statistics, but merely seeking to redefine an existing measure. But the administration’s desire to alter the content of GDP — seemingly, due to political concerns — makes the threat of more covert and destructive data manipulation more plausible.

    There was no such thing as massaging the numbers until President Cartoon Villain came along.

    • Suthenboy

      This, from the crowd that redefined ‘recession’ to avoid admitting they had steered us deeply into one.

      I mentioned yesterday, a good way to see what true inflation is doing is to watch the price of gold.

    • R C Dean

      “This argument is substantively unsound.”

      One searches the article in vain for substance that contradicts what Musk actually said.

      “ Last August, Donald Trump accused the Biden administration of “manipulating jobs statistics” to make unemployment look artificially low before Election Day.

      Such allegations have always been baseless.”

      Just ignore the massive negative revisions of jobless numbers that were recently released.

  32. Suthenboy

    I cant argue with Pie, bitter cherry is freakin delicious but black cherry here…the wild one….is on par.

    • R C Dean

      Yeah, that bitter cherry jam does sound good. I’ve had sour cherries, but never bitter ones. I bet they would make an excellent maraschino cherry.

  33. Richard

    Greetings from North Nowhere Vermont. Please excuse me if I dump upon this form a bit of a rant.

    I just got back from voting at the Town Hall. The only reason I knew there was a vote scheduled is that the animated sign in front of the Town Hall says “Vote today.” Of course as an informed citizen I know that usually something happens on Town Meeting Day but I had no prior indication of the specifics. The issues are:

    – The school budget.
    – The town budget.
    – Some elected town positions, most write-in because hardly anyone is running.
    – Changes for the Town Charter removing old language concerning the 1998 merger of the Town and the Village.
    – Other changes to the Town Charter, mostly concerning the financing of the volunteer fire and ambulance departments.

    The Town Charter changes were detailed on a 10 page double-sided document at each voting station. The proposed school budget is up 8%. I no longer pay attention to the town budget. I voted “No” to everything. I expect everything to pass.

    And now for something completely different. In an earlier thread there was a question as how the Trump tariffs would affect Vermont. Maple sugaring equipment was mentioned which is something that I hadn’t thought of. Big syrup producers need a big investment in big boiling rigs and reverse osmosis. Most of this equipment from from Canada. CDL is the Big Name for that sort of thing around here:

    https://www.cdlusa.com/

    Their U.S. subsidiary is in St. Albans, Vermont but I suspect most of what they sell is imported and will be subject to the tariff. Established producers shouldn’t see much of an increase in costs but new producers may have to put their plans on hold.

    More personally, Franklin County’s electric utility is the Vermont Electric Co-op which gets most of its power from Hydro-Quebec. The tariffs include 10% on Canadian energy: coal, gas, and electricity. My office’s electric bill (I don’t have one at the cabin.) will go up 10%.

    In an earlier thread there was also a question of what Vermont would do if Canada invaded. I think the number of armed households in Franklin Country alone would be sufficient to repel the Canadians. I think the number of armed household in Franklin Country alone would be sufficient to conquer Canada.

    • Rat on a train

      removing old language
      Did they find things named after people that don’t live up to modern town standards?

      • Richard

        We don’t have that problem here yet. The only thing I can think of that’s named after someone is a park that that family is still around to defend the honor.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    First, while it’s true that the government sometimes makes bad investments, which raise GDP without providing much economic value, this is also true of the private sector. Production of the Juicero contributed to GDP, but was of virtually no use to consumers. And this happens on a much larger scale each time investors’ enthusiasm for a given asset — such as internet companies or homes — causes the private sector to produce a larger supply of that asset than consumers can support, which leads to an eventual crash (like the “dot com” one in 2000 or the housing one in 2008 ).

    Ultimately, GDP is not meant to measure wise or socially valuable economic activity, in part because such a metric would be inherently subjective. Perhaps it is obvious to Elon Musk that the government’s investments in highway repairs or public education have produced less economic value than his own investment in the Hyperloop. But I think most people would not find this self-evident.

    Sick burn, bro.

    • The Other Kevin

      “while it’s true that the government sometimes makes bad investments”

      In the private sector, the company loses money and/or goes out of business after a bad investment. In government, they keep throwing money at it.

    • Rat on a train

      For open carry when I wear matching pants.

    • Mojeaux

      That’s adorable. Not what I would choose to spend money on, but adorable nonetheless.

    • R.J.

      Now do leopard print.

      • Mojeaux

        “Rub my tushy, Al.”

      • Sean

        ^^ LOL!!

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Go ahead, flick the udder. See what comes out.

    • Shpip

      Not sure about the practicality of this rig, but it tickles me to think of some unlucky home invader getting yeeted by a cow.

      “Don’t mess with the bull young man — you’ll get the pew pew.”

    • UnCivilServant

      I saw the “Custom Sampler” listed for $1, and was disappointed that it was not in fact three very tiny jars that could be sold together for $1, but a $1 surcharge on top of the three selected normal sized jars for some plastic wrap and a ribbon.

  35. bacon-magic

    Try peanut butter and bread&butter pickles on a sammich. You’ll thank me later.

    • Nephilium

      Would you prefer a beer or vodka to pair it with?

    • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      I’d try it if it had bacon.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Just go full Elvis. Which is a great sandwich.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Peanut butter and Mayo, fuck yes

    • R C Dean

      If we’re doing variations, it’s hard to beat the Elvis: peanut butter, bacon, and banana.

      Just peanut butter and banana was a favorite when I was a wee Dean.

      *scrolls down* Or what Gustave said.

  36. Rat on a train

    Replacing 3 4TB drives with 8TB will take at least 24 hours of resilvering. How long must those 20TB drives take?

    • UnCivilServant

      I donno, my 4x 16TB took days to build the array.

  37. Shpip

    I don’t do the PB&J often, but when I do, mayhaw jelly is my choice. It’s a touch more tart compared to your standard grape jelly.

    Mostly, though, I align with OMWC and stick to the old ways when it comes to delivering cheap and tasty protein to my belly.

    • Brett L

      Halal

  38. kinnath

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/mar/04/zelenskyy-ukraine-peace-plan-ready-work-with-trump

    Zelenskyy says he will work under Trump’s leadership as he proposes Ukraine peace plan

    Ukrainian president signals willingness to sign US minerals deal as he attempts to rebuild ties after Oval Office clash

    Volodymyr Zelenskyy has proposed a possible peace plan to end the war in Ukraine, saying he is willing to work “constructively” under Donald Trump’s “strong leadership” and to sign a deal giving the US access to his country’s mineral wealth.

    Wants to know if he can come out of the corner and take off the dunce cap.

    • Rat on a train

      But Biden promised endless support …

    • Urthona

      Every 30 seconds it’s something different on this. He will call Vance a fat asshole 30 seconds from now.

      • R.J.

        At least call him a bearded beatnik or something remotely relevant.

    • cavalier973

      The little jerk was trying to get Trump to commit to a war with Russia.

      Trump said, “nuh-uh”.

      • cavalier973

        I mean, Zelenskyy may have had a point (“Putin has broken previously signed cease fire agreements; why would he keep this one?”), but that’s something to hash out in a closed door meeting, not in front of the media.

      • Urthona

        Agreed.

        Although I can think of why.

        He wants the pro-Russian Ukraine territories and can easily control them.

        He actually doesn’t want the rest of the Ukraine because it would suck and be unstable until he’s long dead.

        At least that’s how I would do it.

      • Drake

        He doesn’t have a point. It was a lie which Vance sniffed out.

        He tried to pull Russia into negotiations in 2014. Back then Russia said it was a civil matter and refused to get involved.

    • Sensei

      He’d better do this over Zoom.

      Also just think of the CO2 for his flight back because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut and just take the check.

      • Nephilium

        Send him home on a rigid airship.

    • R C Dean

      I thought Zelenskyiy already sold it to the Brits a couple days before coming to DC to insult POTUS and VPOTUS.

    • rhywun

      I am not sure if that’s any better than China operating them.

      • R.J.

        Uff. It is not.

    • Urthona

      Yeah let’s go back to communist china controlling it.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      But, hey, no guns!

      That’s got to mean something, right?

    • R C Dean

      Somebody wrote an article pointing out that EVs are better for these kinds of attacks. Quicker acceleration, so you hit with more speed. Heavier, so you hit harder. And if the batteries go up, you get an unquenchable fire and a toxic waste dump.

  39. Nephilium

    I will say, I’m surprised no one brought up the golden path option. The pouches hold up quite well in the pocket of a jersey (they were a sponsor of a team I rode with for a couple of charity rides).

  40. cavalier973

    I finally read the article, and am relieved to know that I’ve always constructed PB&J sandwiches ethically and wisely.

    The question I have is, supposing one wishes to make a peanut butter and banana sandwich, is it more proper to used sliced banana on top of the peanut butter, or to mush up the banana into the peanut butter?

    • R.J.

      I’ll ask Elvis next time I see him.

    • Nephilium

      I’ve only seen the sliced version, sometimes drizzled with honey.

    • R C Dean

      Sliced. And a proper Elvis has bacon.

  41. Timeloose

    PB&J:

    Lightly toasted and warm potato butter bread – This is a critical element.
    PB smooth or chunky on one slice first
    Use the second slice to clean off PB from the knife
    Fruit preserves of your choice on the second slice
    Cut diagonally only (unless your making it for a kid <5yesrs old)

    Enjoy

    Variants:

    Replace the preserves with a marshmallow fluff, banana slices, or plain old butter
    Replace the PB with a nutella, cashew, or pistachio butter.
    https://martinsfoods.com/groceries/bread-bakery/sandwich-bread/white-sandwich-bread/martins-old-fashioned-real-butter-sliced-bread-18-oz-pkg.html

  42. Evan from Evansville

    I have had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Once. I was foolish, but I learned. Jelly is gross. Every bit of it. Every flavor of mush is equally distasteful. However, peanut butter is divinity delivered. Mixing the two is fucking foolish. If you *must* partake, just slurp the jelly outta the packet like an adult.

    *Hand-up truth* – Crust always removed, diagonal cut. (Yutes. Adult ev knows the foolishness of ignoring the crust.)

    Tomatoes are delicious and belong in almost everything. A sandwich is not one of them.
    I’d like to hear Tonio and rhy’s opinion on the matter. Friend told me it was a thing and it seems to hold up. Me curious. (Why add mushiness when no mushiness is wanted!? <– Legit how I think of it. Just soggifies the bread. I may be savin' some of that shit for later.)

    • R C Dean

      *BLT has entered the chat*

      • Evan from Evansville

        I legit get ’em w/o tomato and have ordered it out-loud as such. I want wetness to surround *my* meat, not the meat I’m eating. (Ruins the bread.)

        Sorry, Nick. I didn’t know I should include you in their company.

      • bacon-magic

        Yeah?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Store bought tomatoes no, heirloom or homegrown yes

    • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      I’d like to hear Tonio and rhy’s opinion on the matter.

      Hey, hey Boo-boo. I found us a pick-i-nick basket with some peanut butter and tomato sandwiches in it.

  43. R C Dean

    Can I just say how amused and unsurprised I am that a post on PBJ sandwiches is racking up an astonishing comment count?

    • Ownbestenemy

      It isnt the article we wanted, it was the article we needed.

    • Not Adahn

      People like to read about esoteric and exotic interests.

      People like to comment about things with which they have personal experience.

    • kinnath

      It’s better than working

    • Nephilium

      You never know what link or comment will spark a fire.

  44. juris imprudent

    I’m kinda shocked the 4×20 did not expound on the virtues and pleasures of the PB and honey sandwich.

    • R C Dean

      Like banana, honey is an upgrade.

  45. pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    throw your next food hill that you take far too seriously in the comments

    Store bought tomatoes are shit. A garden tomato picked at just beyond ripeness, sliced thickly, and sprinkled with salt and pepper is a delightful thing.

  46. Evan from Evansville

    Dammit. Meant to mention: Go full Elvis with peanut butter and banana. Like The King, grilled to perfection.

    • R C Dean

      Full Elvis includes bacon.