Out on the bayou, way down south
There’s a tale the old fishermen tell
Of the terrible beast with the blood-stained teeth
And a massive whale-like physique
This creature arose from the depths sometime in the ancient past
Filled with a hunger oh so cruel it would even make Satan laugh
After twenty men went missing in less than the space of a week
The town elders called a meeting and gave everyone a turn to speak
They hemmed and hawed and shouted for hours
There was an endless hue and cry
Until at long last a man rose to speak and he had hate in his eyes
“How dare you cowards waste my time with your empty talk and fear
Because I’ll kill that monster if it’s the last thing I do
And to prove it, I’ll bring it here
All I ask is a good, strong crew who will heed my every word
So raise your hands if you’re a real man and make your voices heard”
In the blink of an eye, a dozen hands shot up
They were the best of the town
There was Murphy, Johnson, Caparzo and Smith
With Lucas, Hector, Santelli, and Brown
To them were joined the Lafayette twins
As well as the Dengler brothers grim
Who were known far and wide from every side
For their fierce scowls and grins
They each grabbed a gleaming harpoon
Before boarding the humble craft
Their kids and their wives and the loves of their lives
Stood fast and watched as the oars were clasped
Farther and farther into the mist
That had suddenly crept in on the coast
The motley crew rowed right on through
Every man gave his utmost
Til at last came a blast that rattled the mast and nearly tipped them over
It was maneater manatee, huge and fierce
The brave men whimpered in horror
Not one of them had seen such an awful gleam in the eyes of the creature of yore
It rammed their boat hard as it could
The men were tossed in the water
It bit off their legs and swallowed some whole
And chewed alive a new father
Then at once came alive from the waves of the brine
The old captain who fought for his life
He stabbed the beast with no hope of relief
Til the sea filled with blood and gore
The survivors and he gathered some ropes from debris
And patiently dragged it ashore
The tide was their kin and helped drag them in
Onto the sand of the strand where they were home once more
A crowd soon gathered to see the men tattered
And the ghastly maw of what they hauled in
“Now”, said the captain, “you see what has happened
So give us our due and begone!”
To the tavern they went and spent every cent
Of the bounty bestowed by the crowd
And still to this day near the old, broken quay
You can see the bones of the thing
The maneater manatee was fearsome and cruel
Enough to make a sailor’s blood run cold
But now it’s gone and all that’s left
Is a legend that may be sung and told
Nicely done Derp, I think some of the rhyme schemes may be a bit off, but I often have trouble getting the right meter in anything more complex than “There once was a man from Nantucket” so you probably did it right. Reminds me of one of the few poems I can recite from memory “The Yarn of the Nancy Bell”
I used to be able to recite an old Robert Service poem around the campfire:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45081/the-cremation-of-sam-mcgee
I think we read that in high school. It’s somewhere deep in my memory
My best friend (long gone now) memorized that poem. And he could recite it, complete with histrionic gestures, at the drop of a hat. And drop his own.
I tried to learn that one but went with “The Shooting of Dan Mcgrew” instead, I found it a bit easier.
Mandatory finish to Scout Camp fires.
I largely agree. The story is great and the lines well-constructed. The stanzas have a natural, flowing jazz through them. Poetic bounce. I did find a couple patterns ‘off,’ though that may have been intended. I also could be a funk drummer who reads in time signature, reading (and hearing) too much into it all.
Hats off, Derp. Good tale and this unpoetic boy hasn’t dared attempt such, so King’s to you.
I was trying to do something different than the usual ABCB or ABAB rhyme scheme. Plus I like rhymes within a line.
^^ That was what I found most striking. Very well-crafted, my favorite jazzy punches.
How dare you cowards waste my time with your empty talk and fear
Because I’ll kill that monster if it’s the last thing I do
And to prove it, I’ll bring it here
Not like goin’ down and catching bluegills…
Good story, Derpy,
I went back and read the lyrics of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald”
As I listened I thought maybe your poem would make a Gordon Lightfoot song but not now, I guess.
I wasn’t trying to imitate The Cremation of Sam McGee, but I do like that poem. The featured image is of an African manatee, which I didn’t know existed.
I ordered a dictionary, and my new project is writing a haiku and a limerick for each headword. That will give me something to do every day and a reason to get out of bed.
More of my poetry is available here: https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/search?q=label%3Apoetry
I’ve written 75 poems in the past 2 years. Hopefully I’ll stay out of Vogon and William McGonagall territory.
And when you write lengthy stories, I doubt you’ll stray into HER territory:
Who some claim to be the worst novelist in the world:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_McKittrick_Ros
Derpy-killing manatee.
Oops… sorry. Derpy killing manatee.
Ha! Did you have that handy already, draw it yourself, use AI or what?
There once was a woman from Venus …
Baby manatee hugs snorkeler:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3SwRjrWOSs
Angry manatee vs. dogs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTrnIb52ig4
The Men Who Don’t Fit In is another Service poem that speaks to me:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/58012/the-men-that-dont-fit-in
Story of my life pretty much…
Don’t go “melontkally” on us, Derp. We are all just trying to find our way, and fuck once in a while, and maybe escape the crushing truth on life’s meaninglessness. Hello, Camus!
There is always tomorrow.
I’m a work in “progmess”. /ht Ted Lasso
Nietzsche said life is wandering without purpose. It was funny to see that quote as the caption to a Family Circus cartoon. One with a dotted line to show Billy’s meanderings.
https://www.nietzschefamilycircus.com/
I fed lettuce to a hurt manatee at the Homosassa Zoo animal hospital. Homosassa is also home to a hippo named Lucy (original name Lucifer).
Hippos can be ornery: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kz-caa2NCns
It was cool to have a picnic near them: https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2023/09/not-so-hungry-hungry-hippos.html
Hippos kill more tourists than lions…why do you think I chose them as my icon…
There is a pygmy hippo at the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago. I had many first dates there because I like animals and admission is free. I once got a pack of wolves to start howling.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-h4leEf4QY
One April Fool’s Day in Peace Corps, I convinced a bunch of people that pygmy elephants exist.
And on more than one continent:
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/pablo-escobar-abandoned-hippos-wreaking-havoc-colombian-jungle-180984494/
Of course pygmy elephants once DID exist. Apparently there were quite a few species on various Mediterranean islands in the Pleistocene. Some dwarf mammoths there ane elsewhere.
30 hippos vs 1 croc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMXnhiv3NqY
Oh, how I miss the wilds of Africa…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r0n9Dv6XnY
Toto’s Africa but with Cold War Africa violence footage:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GeDZkfHqJc
My gritty reboot of Tarzan features malaria and genocide.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTIHBbp2Gmw
Africa is kinda fucked up!
The only way to un-fuck it is for the various African states to claim responsibility for their own safety.
Politics is downstream from culture. Cultures change slowly if they change at all. Culture is the result of environment: climate, terrain, flora, fauna, etc.
People have been living in Africa longer than anywhere else. In a way, we are all the children of Africa.
I must say I enjoyed the relaxed attitude toward time there, as shown in this rum ad:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ca-HZ7qiR0I
Buses don’t leave on a schedule. They leave when they are full. This is handy if you need to catch a bus.
When a bus is almost full, the conductor will be scanning around the station for passengers so they can get on faster and get the bus going.
People think ridesharing via smartphones is oh so clever. Guys, just let people by vans and buses, cram in as many as they like, and do their thing. They’ll be less traffic and pollution.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq-zfA1XpWA
narrator: he and his friends did this routinely
Rhino destroys car: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNncy1mUx1k
Zulu song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghELvjjOooE
They don’t speak Zulu in Botswana, but whatevs. I love that movie. Saw it when I was 6 and wanted to go to Africa right after.
Don’t fuck with hippos.
Don’t fuck with the Dutch.
Don’t fuck with pistoffnick.
You know, maybe stop fucking with other people, altogether. I don’t know. Does it gain you anything?
I agree. People need to spend more time Firsting and less time engaging in masturbatory trolling.
@Derp: I work with plenty of Hispanics, most of whom don’t speak English, but many in the back speak an African language I can’t place, outside of being African.
I’ve been trying to catch snippets, but they are all simple cognates. How to describe? Plenty of consonants. Spoken with very American English vowels, to my ear. I’m sure there are extras I’m missing.
What do you think is/ are the most likely languages spoken for such immigrant workers? Many of our drives have distinctly black African names, and they don’t speak English either. Sometimes they show their verification code to the ‘Dispensers’ instead of trying with their accent.
Thoughts, much appreciated.
(Yes, many thoughts of these employees’ legality and of how Walmart’s general approach to the issue. Hrm.)
Probably legal, and Walmart is almost certainly getting tax breaks for hiring them. Because fuck actual Americans.
Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b-eGCTwcJI
Also Nigerian/Liberian pidgin English
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pBOLdZZT6s
@Bro: Agreed on Walmart strictly following ‘the law,’ whatever that may be. (And yes, reap the rewards.) It’s regimented factory work.
@Derp: Oooh. Greatly appreciated. I was trying to record them today to get a translator to figure it out for me. I’m not finished with that scheme.
A gathering of reptilians,
Hungarians I think,
Odd odors from the deep Sevens,
drink from the depths,
Cycles of madness,
Like planets forming,
Long ago,
If this be nadness, so be it,
Better than dying alone,
Maybe sadness, I dunno
That ending nailed it. Stuck it.
I admit I don’t follow the reptilian Hungarian scene. I could give it a feel. Some suckers are meant for suckin’.
For SugarFree: turtle eats out rhino
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCvgSHOCqwA
Happy April Fools Day! Don’t forget to sign up for OMWC’s million dollar giveaway.
🥸☕️💵
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjSb7j3OSgk
🎶🎶
Good morning, Sean, Ted’S., and U!
Morning, How goes?
So far so good. Expecting dreary and very wet weather for the next few days. First of the month, so as always, month-end stuff to do. How about you?
trying to shake a malaise, and get into a productive mindset.
Though dropping my cheese just now doesn’t help.
Yikes! Save the cheese! 😨🧀 (Bearing in mind that our new HHS Sec’y has reduced the 5-second rule to a 3-second rule/B. Bee)
Thankfully, it was bagged shredded cheese, and most stayed in the bag.
I don’t tend to eat anything that’s hit my floor.
Our dropped food rule used to be it’s yours as long as the dog doesn’t get it first.
As we no longer have a dog, the time limit can approach African bus departure times.
::makes note to graciously decline dinner invitations to STG’s house::
Dropped food depends on the food. Half an onion or glop of cooked oatmeal…
🙂
https://nypost.com/2025/03/31/us-news/ice-arrested-113k-deported-over-100k-since-trumps-return-as-prez-maintains-promise-to-boot-illegal-migrants-alleged-gangbangers-sources/
Not enough. You people need to step it up.
[ deports Sean ]
Deporting him back to pennsylvania is probably a favor if he wandered into the PDRNY
Wait… Sean, did you get tacked?
Wrong side of the county. I’m on the good side. 😛
My kid got caught shoplifting. I’ll deal with it after my birthday.
suh’ fam
whats goody
::notes date, ponders whether to believe any part of comment::
It’s a joke. Think it through….
I don’t get it.
Youldest teen got caught when he was about…8 or 9.
Candy from checkout lane at Barnes and Noble.
The sales lady (really some teenager) played what I was putting down perfectly when we marched back in to confess his crime.