In a beet field on the outskirts of Freehold, Iowa, thousands of well-wishers have gathered to bid farewell to extraterrestrial singing sensation Lady Gaga, who will soon be boarding a starship bound for a system near the star Arcturus. Since arriving on Earth in 2008, Lady Gaga’s music has taken the world by storm, though the word “music” seems totally inadequate to describe the entity’s alien and hypnotic audio creations.
The artist has said that Earth was the last stop on its interstellar music tour, and that “My three hearts are swollen with joy and despair. It is time for me to return to the ammonia clouds and purple dune seas of my beautiful homeworld. I wish to thank the people of Earth for hosting me. I grok you all.”
As it climbed the gantry leading into the mile-long spaceship, the entity gave a short farewell in its native tongue. When asked to describe the melody, many spectators said the English language lacks the words to describe the sound, but it was like a combination of a whale song and a car alarm. The sound shattered windows and caused temporary hearing loss in a 50-mile radius.
When reached for comment, Dylan Brewer, 23, said “Thank God it’s gone. I’m so tired of those fucking songs.”
I wrote this 15 years ago. It was one of my early attempts at satire and about 6 months into my stand-up comedy career.
A song played by car alarms: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pcUvTQKoZw
lol – I don’t know any but I get the sentiment concerning any mystifyingly popular pop-tart.
I think Rhy it bluffing, he doesn’t have a good Poker Face.
Ugh I actually do know that song, goddammit.
(But I did not know it was her.)
Nice effort. My favorite bit is “…a combination of a whale song and a car alarm.” Jittering. (But fuck-to-able.)
I also respect Gaga.
Cartman Poker Face:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICbWY8CpfOw
His rendition of O, Holy Night is hard to beat.
You have been a busy guy!
And we were all tired of those songs.
Anything too dumb to be spoken is sung, according to some snail eater.
The world of 2440 as imagined by another snail eater:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKdGJELk3wY
I have eaten snails. As a conduit for butter, garlic, and cheese; OK. Otherwise, meh.
Shrimp is a better conduit.
Agreed.
I like shrimp. -Bubba Gump
***
A lot o’ people don’t realize what’s really going on. They view life as a bunch o’ unconnected incidents ‘n things. They don’t realize that there’s this, like, lattice o’ coincidence that lays on top o’ everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you’re thinkin’ about a plate o’ shrimp. Suddenly someone’ll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o’ shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin’ for one, either. It’s all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.
***
Is there snail flavored ramen? No!
They must have been hungry to wanna eat something that moves around on snot.
Even Chinese people don’t eat snails, and they’ll eat damn near anything.
zombie snails are beautiful in a way:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Go_LIz7kTok
Something like 1/3 of all animals are parasites.
The first time I had snails was at a fancy Chinese restaurant in Bejing.
In China, the guest of honor gets to eat the fish eyeballs.
DO NOT CHEW THEM! JUST GULP THEM DOWN AND SMILE.
/not a fan of fish skin either.
Damn, should have checked first.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luosifen
When I buy smoked salmon hunks from Walmart, I eat it skin and all.
I was given kisusiyo in Tanzania in honor of my students’ outstanding performance on the national math exam.
***
Roasting or stewing is the most common way of preparing meat. No, the Chaggas do not eat raw meat as do Ethiopians nor do they bleed a cow and drink its fresh blood as do the Maasais. However, there is a special dish which the Chaggas call “Kisusiyo,” stewed beef into which the fresh blood of a cow is added minutes before the pot is taken off the stove. This stew is believed to have healing properties. It is reserved for women that have just given birth and young who have just been circumcised. Men sometimes confess that they cheat a little. Whenever they slaughter a cow, they prepare their own crude version of “kisusiyo” to consume on site. Those that are soft-hearted set aside some for their mothers, spouses and sisters.
***
https://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/opinion/2025/03/638_167103.html
Crisped salmonid skin is good. Steamed/soggy, no.
Sorry Dylan, the radio is still going to keep playing that shit.
Not mine. My radio plays country and Western. It’s ambidextrous.
Carl Sagan tries to sing like a whale:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSgiXGELjbc
I just DoorDashed Applebees, and once I consume it, going directly to bed.
I have no idea why Im so fat.
Your diet is bad, and you should feel bad.
Eat more snails and/or shrimp.
Alternatively, hardcore alcoholism can cause weight loss.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1sHO_cF0ck
Man I miss that show.
Same.
Wow, time warp.
No exercise with Jugsy?
Speaking of which, how is the grammatical crisis?
Que?
There was something about today that made me mellow in this past few hours.
Oh, right, other than no longer having to stress over the paperwork, I had a day’s worth of open window weather to air out the house. It’s no longer stale in here as the winter air has been traded for fresh.
“Spenser: For Hire” is on Amazon.
I’m here for the fantastic mid-80’s Boston footage. It’s glorious.
The pilot episode included a scene in The Garden with Larry Legend on the floor.
I had the hottest wings at Legend Larry’s (no relation). They weren’t that hot to me, but I have a high tolerance.
I was there in the mid 80s. The city looks much better today. Government Center is no longer a brutalist nightmare, for example.
Bravo Derpe! That was great.
Titty Tuesday After Dark rolls on.
https://archive.is/s1JZg/ed59e8918e97e0f8ef80b795393afbb867bd1706.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.is/IYod1/4d317049c2925355b2f433bab6ddf6024839937e.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.is/sI0UU/f9e2e1148547f4297f11254e280b3c88becae9cd.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.is/gEhEz/746a64582d3cea82d7986197498e5f8b797eb735.jpg
NSFW.
He also had Dirk Gently…
I really enjoyed his “Long Dark Teatime for the Soul” as well.
That was Dirk Gently
For Yusef, UCS and the other mini fans.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFutPHOV6cI
Talk about an insane collection…and a 40+ year DnD campaign. That’s what you call a superfan. Hope the museum plan works out – that sounds like a fun tour option for Las Vegas in a few years.
Happy hump day all!
🖖🐪🥞
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNPA68htGxk
🎶🎶
Good morning, Sean, Fishy, U, Ted’S., and Derpy!
Morning.
How goes?
Well, thanks, except I got distracted by this stupid word puzzle. How are you?
I have been making a cascade of dumb errors all morning. All little things, but piling up in annoyance beyond the sum of their parts.
Now that I’ve been at the office a while, I’ve calmed back down though.
With any luck, you made all your errors early so it’ll be smooth sailing the rest of the day! ⛵
Hope so, I mean at one point I drove off without my wallet. The same wallet which contained the badge to get me into the office.
In the process of doing that, I had stepped on the box containing a DigiKey order I hadn’t realized had been delivered late last night.
Hopefully there was enough packaging to avoid damaging whatever electronic components I’d bought. (I believe it was sockets and capacitors)
https://abcnews.go.com/US/man-caught-attempting-smuggle-living-turtle-airport-security/story?id=119702756
Wasn’t me.
🤷🏼🐢
shame.
🐢
You weren’t happy to see customs?
Deport Mahmoud.
Been up since 3 pm yesterday. Trying to reset my sleep cycle again. Oh well. As long as I’m awake and alert for my dental appointment tomorrow morning, mission accomplished.
Oh god, I just heard a sound bite from the anti-Musk protests and they were actually using the “Hey hey, ho ho” chant, LOL.
Killing of anyone doing that should be justifiable homicide.
At the very least a good old fashioned wood shampoo.
Another stable European government
Hoe about running off into your tropical estates with your ill-gotten booty and let the people have a preper representative government that puts their own country first.
Re: Gaga,
1. Most of her songs are completely modular. You can mix and match verses and choruses to your hearts content and still have a pop song.
2. The parody versions of her songs are almost all not only good, but better than the originals. This means something.
3. She is the first person that made me grok couture as an art form. She may be less of a musician or showman than some of her peers, but as a visual artist she’s probably the best of the lot.
Shame music is not a visual medium. I am very glad to never know what most musicians look like. (Heck, I can’t name most of those I listen to)
Good thing that she has an innate talent for the visual as her performances are best watched on mute.
I also object to opera audio recordings, but music companies have no problems releasing them.
There’s no reason that the post-MTV pop music scene can’t be understood as a multimedia art form.
MTV had no impact on my perception of music.
We was too poor for cable.
I didn’t have cable either. But it was a thing at house parties to play music videos — sometimes from VHS!
House… party?
Does not compute.
How did students learn before FedGov hired 2,000 employees?
Much better.
They didn’t. It was like life before color in commercials.
Next time I visit my mother I’ll take a picture of my great-grandmother’s teaching certificate. It lists the subjects she was qualified to teach.
suh’ fam
what’s goody