“I do believe you have miscalculated,” Verner Birke said. I turned to look at the Antixenarch. He’d come to stand next to me on the walls of the city. “You were expecting Kirchner to withdraw, were you not?”
“To be honest, I didn’t expect the fighting to be inside the city.”
“Well, we have at least gotten to Salzheim. But now we’re stuck here.”
I turned back to where Kirchner’s troops were resuming their encirclement of the city in fortifications.
“I have set Lady Marcelene the task of figuring out how to unstopper the harbor. With Lady Knochenmus gone, their magical assets are reduced.”
“They still have the goblin warlocks. An unknown number appear to be reinforcing the harbor barrier from within the westernmost stockade.”
“Where did you hear that?” I asked.
“Your Lady Marcelene.”
“Kord!” Lenz called from the street below. I turned. I didn’t need to ask what he wanted. A contingent of riders wearing the salt block livery of Salzheim were approaching. I descended from the wall and returned to the saddle in time for them to arrive.
“I see you got new armor,” Roland said, removing his helmet. He looked haggard, like a man spread too thin. I pulled off my own helmet, letting the wind wick the sweat from my hair.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t spend any of your money on it.”
My uncle gave a weak chuckle and shook his head. “I take it since you’ve brought troops from as far afield as Longue that you are now the Furst of Karststadt.”
I nodded.
“I will have to pay proper homage once we have taken account of the damage, reordered the defenses, and taken stock of our supplies.”
“What is the word on my father?” Lenz demanded.
Roland pushed a moment’s irritation aside. “Jost- Graf Ritterblume still lives. He is bedridden, and we have him in the palace. We can discuss matters of defense while we ride there.”
“Antixenarch, where is Grandmaster Straub?”
“Last I saw, he was by the eastern gate, making sure our baggage train made it within the city. That was over an hour ago, however.”
“This ride needn’t be a formal council of war,” Roland said. “There will be time enough for that later.”
“Keep an eye on the enemy,” I called up to Birke. “I will be up at the palace with my uncle.”
“Understood,” he said.
An agitated Lenz motioned towards the rise and started his horse in that direction. I fell in beside him, and Roland joined me.
“Why did Kirchner abandon his initial encirclement to storm the walls?” I asked.
“I suspect he got word that you’d raised another army and decided it would be better if he’d taken the city before you arrived.” Roland sighed. “While your timely arrival on that hill raised the morale of my men to an untold degree, getting bottled up within the walls with us has not greatly improved our circumstance. In fact, Kirchner need only wait out our stores and everything he is after will fall into his hands.”
“We still have time to think of something.”
“Siegecraft is an art men study their entire lives. Unfortunately, I was not one of those men. My specialty is administration. What Kirchner or his men know is a mystery to me.”
“Do not give up hope yet,” I said.
“Do you have another army up your sleeve?”
“Sort of. Not really. The muster from Ostgelb and the Slough are encamped on the shores of the Drowned City.”
“There are not enough fighting men in those polities to lift this siege.”
“And they don’t know I’m here,” I sighed.
“Then I suppose we shouldn’t plan on their aid.”
“I’ve messed up, haven’t I?” I asked.
“Yes,” Roland said.
“What should I have done?”
“Forget about the gate and dismantle Kirchner’s main force. The gate wouldn’t have done him much good with his army scattered.”
“I see.”
“But, what’s done is done. Right now we need to survive this so you can learn from the error.”
“I would rather not have to fight another siege.”
“I would rather have never fought a siege, but circumstance does not bend to our will.”
I fell silent as we ascended the switchback road to the palace gate. The guards recognized Roland and opened the gates without challenge. Lenz didn’t even stop to stable his steed before demanding, “What room is he in?”
“Lenz,” I said. “Calm down. You don’t need to snap at my uncle.”
“Apologies, Pfaltzgraf. I am… concerned for my father’s well being. Will you tell me where to find him?”
“I will show you,” Roland said, dismounting. I climbed down from Graymire, and the three of us entered the front doors of the palace. It felt incongruous to clomp around the delicate, decorated environs in full armor. But I had to admit I shared Lenz’s anxiety, even if I did manage to hide it better. Climbing the stairs to the third floor, we found that one of the rooms off of the library had been cleared to accommodate a sickbed. It had a northern exposure, with windows that looked out over the city. We could see Kirchner’s palisade and banner through the pall of smoke still clinging over the city. As far as I was aware, the fires had been extinguished. Turning my gaze to the shadows, I let my eyes adjust.
Jost Castor looked older than I recalled ever having seen him. His blond and white beard lay unkempt upon his chest, having grown even longer in my absence. His watery eyes were weary and slow to focus, and his lined face sagged towards the pillow propping him up. A single wobbly hand raised from the covers.
“Lorenz,” Jost smiled.
Lenz tore his gauntlets off so that he could clasp his father’s hand before kneeling by the bedside. “I’m here, father.” I set about more deliberately removing my own.
“Lorenz, I need you to look after your sisters for me. And our lands, and our people.”
“Don’t talk like that.”
“Don’t talk back to me boy,” Jost said.
“I’m sorry father,” Lenz said, forcing a pained smile upon his features.
“I don’t know why Azerion has let me linger this long, nor how much longer I have left. I need you to look after them now. Do you understand?”
“Yes, father,” Lenz said, blinking a tear from his eye.
“And Kord,” Jost said, “Keep Lorenz out of trouble.”
“I’ll try, sir.”
Jost slumped back into the pillow, his eyes closing. If not for the steady rise and fall of his chest, he would have looked dead. Lenz gingerly placed his father’s hand on top of the other. I placed my hand on Lenz’s pauldron.
“He needs rest,” I said.
Lenz nodded a jittery nod, reluctantly letting me lead him out of the room.
“You should have made them give you an Ivory Wizard,” Lenz said once the door was closed. “You should-” He looked me in the eye and his words failed. I let the silence hang, having no words of my own.
***
I glared at Kirchner’s banner as though my stare might cause him to abandon his ambition and surrender. But no. I’d delivered up the very thing he needed to achieve that ambition. Everything he wanted was bottled up inside this city, and all he needed to do to claim it was to wait us out. He was weak in horse, but the pike and archers he’d redeployed to cover the gates declared that he didn’t need them. His goblins had been greatly diminished in number, and we only saw two ogres moving between camps. But he still had enough troops to respond to any sortie before it could break out. Reinforcements from the north brought more goblins and Atlorian sellswords with a load of timbers. I only inferred they were Atlorian, but the mechanisms they were assembling didn’t bode well.
“Trebuchets,” Straub said.
“How much gold does he have?” I wondered.
“He’s probably trading in promises at this point. Selling your lands for services,” Roland said. “Of course, he’s had decades to prepare. He might still be burning his war chest.”
I looked behind me at the shimmering, translucent wall of scarlet across the mouth of the harbor. Veins of sickly bruise-purple squirmed through its structure where the goblins had reinforced it. I let out a sigh. “If only we could kill the warlocks we could…”
“They know that as well as we do, and that palisade is the most heavily defended spot in their line short of Kirchner’s own tent,” Straub said.
“I’ve never even met Kirchner,” I said, turning back to where the Atlorians were working.
“You’re not missing much,” Roland said. I wanted to think through the problem of the siege, despite my mind failing to conjure any workable ideas. But Roland continued talking. “Freiherr Gost filled me in on what you’ve been doing since you left. After you’d finished helping all and sundry, did you remember to ask for their aid in return?”
“No,” I said.
“That may have been your greatest error to date.”
I didn’t want to give voice to the only thought that came to mind. None of them would have come. Gebhard couldn’t. Hengist had no army. The dwarfs were too busy murdering each other. And no one else would give a damn. And now I was stuck. Any attempt to push out through the gates would merely echo Stefak’s attempts to push across the ford at Altenheim. Only we didn’t have the option of withdrawing from the battlefield. I turned to look back at the barrier again and was perplexed. Not by the barrier, that remained unchanged. Instead, Marcelene had been standing behind me with her cheeks puffed out. Seeing me turn, she quietly released the breath and donned a more genial expression. I waited for her to regain her composure and speak first.
“Do all of your men have to ask me why I can’t just burn through the palisades the way Knochenmus burned through the city?”
“Not all of them,” I said. “But you can’t expect them to know the difference in specialties.”
“It’s just annoying. I mean, if I tried to throw a fireball, I’d get a fist-sized ember that plops to the ground ten feet from me.”
“You did okay when we were fighting her.”
“I was just redirecting her magic. Redirecting fire is entirely different from making it yourself.”
“So, is there any way to redirect the barrier?” I asked.
“It doesn’t work the same way…” Marcelene’s face scrunched up as she contemplated it. Though always pretty, she looked particularly cute when thinking deeply. “I’m going to have to think about it for a bit.” She wandered off, and I found myself frowning, but not sure why.
“One of my men noticed that the barrier doesn’t cover the cliff behind the palace,” Birke said. I turned to where he was almost hidden behind Straub. “The question was whether it would be possible to use that gap to smuggle out a small boat.”
“No,” Roland said. “The sea below the cliff is full of dangerous rocks and wild currents. Any attempt to get in or out that way would be catastrophic. At least with the resources we have on hand.”
“So there is a way?” Birke asked.
“If you had a Lapis Wizard, or someone who could fly.”
“Ah.”
The four of us resumed our group stare at Kirchner’s encampment.
***
The rain didn’t help my mood when it began to fall shortly before nightfall. It did prompt my withdrawal inside the palace where I moped about, uselessly thinking. The elegant suite with the jeweled coat of arms was surreally serene. Undisturbed and unperturbed, it seemed disconnected from the world outside. As though there were no siege. I set up my prism lantern and went around the rooms, snuffing the lamps and candles. In the actinic glare of the magical light, the rooms took on a harsh character more in line with my mood.
“Oh, are you going to bed?”
I looked up to see Ritter standing just inside the door.
“Not yet, Johan. What do you need?” I slumped into a chair, briefly surprised that it didn’t break under my weight. I motioned towards another of the chairs. Ritter cautiously took a seat.
“I just needed some advice.”
“On what?” I asked.
“How to approach your uncle.”
“That depends upon what you want from him. I don’t suppose you’re afraid to tell me.”
“No, I mean, I wanted to get his permission to court Magda.”
I sat quietly for a moment. “I have no idea.”
Ritter looked at me, perplexed.
“I have never gone about attempting to court anyone. So dealing with potential fathers-in-law is beyond my understanding. As for my knowledge of the man himself, he’s virtually a stranger.”
“Oh,” Ritter said, crestfallen.
“Besides there’s the more immediate problem of avoiding getting killed when Kirchner takes the city.”
“When? Don’t you mean if?”
“We cannot resupply. No reinforcements are coming. It won’t be too long before his trebuchets are operational. I’m sorry, Johan. I blundered you into this situation. I rashly prioritized retaking the gate, then taking out Knochenmus, when I should have been looking at the whole battlefield. If I’d scattered the forces outside, it’d be Knochenmus bottled up between us and Roland.”
“It can’t be that bad. I mean, we made it out of the dwarf palace.”
“There isn’t a nice big aqueduct to sneak out here,” I said. “I mean, Salzheim’s water supply is a dirty little river that people seem intent on tossing their sewage in. Who throws their waste in their drinking water?”
“A lot of people, actually,” Marcelene said. I hadn’t noticed her enter, nor did it fully register that she’d intruded into my conversation with Ritter.
“I don’t even think Kirchner is the kind to dig this city a proper sewer,” I said.
“Is that really the biggest thing on your mind?” Marcelene asked.
“I dislike the idea of drinking sewer water. But wait, what are you here about?”
“Well, I was going to share my idea with you, but you were a bit busy talking about arranged marriages and hydrology.”
“We weren’t talking about arranged marriages. If anything, formality will get in the way, since Johan’s just an Edler looking to pursue the only daughter of a Pfaltzgraf.”
Ritter cast a sheepish glance at the floor.
“How about not phrasing it like that and reintroducing him as the Banner-bearer of the Furst of Karststadt? That’ll relax the reticence a bit better.”
Ritter brightened at the suggestion.
“Anyway,” I said, “Lady Marcelene, you had an idea you wanted to share?”
“Well, it’s probably not going to work. Besides, even discussing it would require going into esoteric thaumaturgy.”
“Why not start talking and I’ll let you know when you lose me?”
Marcelene’s satisfied smirk was not the reaction I expected.
“I should leave you two,” Ritter said, “And I need to find Graf Salzheim before it gets too late.”
I hardly noticed Ritter go as Marcelene perched daintily on a chair on the other side of me.
If you want your own copy, the whole book is available from Amazon in eBook, Paperback, and Hardcover variants.
… I got nothing.
Don’t drink sewer water is what I would call good advice.
It might give you beaver fever.
Now, in what other fantasy adventure would the hero admit that he messed up?
😄
That is especially sweet, the little faces we fall in love with. I remember high school sweetheart Katie’s Giggle Face, so adorably scrunchy. (It *IS* a word, DAMMIT! (Top-5 film, so prescient.))
It’s also hilarious when 4-year-olds are angry, particularly when they aren’t yours. Puppy stubbed his nose on a gate yesterday. That was also special to witness. You do you, pup. I ain’tcha bitch.
thanks for the story
Don’t worry, it’s almost over.
Awwww. 😒
For once, I’ve finished the novel before the serialized version wraps up. I enjoyed it UnCiv. I was occasionally annoyed with our protagonists petulance and, I guess, density on certain subjects, but I chalk that up to a young man out of his comfort zone and learning that the world won’t accommodate his dreams.
All in all, good stuff. 👍 👍
I’m glad you enjoyed it.
If you know anyone else who you think would enjoy it, would you tell them about it?
I will.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
We need more stories about Firstery and wizardry.
But I repeat myself.
… I think you’re on to something, Mr. Award.
I did my test cook of country fried venison steak.
Venison filet cut thin across the grain and hammered even thinner, dusted in almond flour, dredged in beaten egg then crusted with a mix of – ground fried pork skins (chicharrones), salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika; then pan fried in butter.
Tastes worked well but the process takes up a shedload of counter space. I managed to work products from four animal species into the recipe.
Did the egg cost more than the venison?
No, the 3 eggs I used up came to $2.25 total, the Venison was significantly more. I don’t recall exactly, but you can’t buy it for less than beef.
My take on the Zelenskiy kerfuffle:
He met with Congressional Dems shortly before the Trump meeting. I’m sure he had blobbists whispering in his ear before that. He went in to a meeting intended to announce the execution of contracts with additional demands (a security guarantee). Trump did what I am sure he has done before “This is to sign the contracts, not make changes to them. We had a deal. You don’t want to honor the deal, you can leave now.”
People in DC aren’t used to the way deals are done in the real world. You don’t show up to the signing party with amendments. You show up with your pen, a smile, and handshakes for everyone.
The Dems and blobbists were working on DC rules: “No way will Trump refuse a security guarantee with cameras rolling.” The real world rules: “You don’t change a deal when the final documents are lined up for signature” totally blindsided them.
” to announce the execution of contracts with additional demands”
Sounds like my X-wife
You and I are Americans. That is the way we do business, the way we understand things. In most of the world the negotiations begin after or during the contract.
Our understanding is that trust and good faith plays a part in contracts. Everyone else sees any leverage they have as an opportunity to change the deal more to their benefit.
You already bought something now you have to pay me more to deliver it. Your project is on hold now because I haven’t fulfilled xyz yet so to get me to fulfill and unfreeze your project you have to agree to more. And so on.
Most Americans dont understand this.
Zelensky is apparently not very good at this. As Trump pointed out he has no cards. I think he thought Trump being in front of a camera and the expectations were enough. They weren’t.
What you said about the Dems is very important. That scum is trying to keep the billions flowing.
Very true, Suthen. We are used to a high trust society, where your word (either a handshake or a signed contract) is your bond. In low trust societies, people never stop playing the angles to squeeze you. Even under those rules, though, Zelenskiyy didn’t have the leverage to squeeze Trump. The Dems and blobbists thought that cameras rolling would give him that leverage, but apparently not.
For more lulz, the EU’s NPCs have “spoken.”
“Your dignity honours the bravery of the Ukrainian people.”
His dignity didn’t extend to dressing appropriately. How you dress sends a message, whether you like it or not. He was dressed to give his usual show, of a hardbitten frontline fighter who stepped away from the blood and guts for a few minutes. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the show that was advertised, and the audience didn’t buy in.
If the Euros reach an agreement that the US isn’t on board with, that’s the trigger for the US to leave NATO.
If the Euros volunteer for a war with Russia, it’s hard to see how that (including Russian strikes inside of Europe) should be an Article 5 trigger obligating the US to go to war with Russia.
I’m also alarmed that Canada seems to be aligning with Europe instead of the US because WE’RE NOT THE 51ST STATE!!!!11
This is exactly the wrong move. Europe is dead. The US has a chance.
@RCD Yes, this sounds like the argument CNN will make.
For someone not steeped in left-stuff, I’m just baffled at their lockstep celebration of this guy and everything around this budding world war.
I just. don’t. get. it.
No one is really bothering to talk about how this cunt behaved the entire week prior to this.
I’m of the same thoughts. He wanted to put Trump on the spot by asking for security guarantees which the Trump admin had already made clear he wouldn’t receive.
Indeed. When somebody refuses to sign at the lawyer’s office (in this case, in Germany) and insists on coming to your home office (the White House), they aren’t intending to sign the papers as agreed. No wonder Trump was reluctant to do it at the White House – this isn’t his first deal with shady characters.
I’m at the point where I’d unironically accept the “Polish Ukraine/Russian Ukraine” Meme peace deal.
Today was I-9s at Walmart. Tomorrow I’m there 11-8pm (LOVELY hours), and likely the same Wed and Fri. Should be mighty interesting. They are very organized and pretty much (say, at least) they’re on the same path I think ideal: Work six months, with a few 1:1 talks, and at six months, another for further career shit. Um. I distrust until I see, but it certainly ‘sounds’ good.
This could be another Very Good Idea, and certainly less Out There than my dive into phlebotomy, which I still maintain I could master. (My needlework was good, dammit!) Regardless, feels good to have to *go* somewhere tomorrow. Twelve weeks without work was wretched. As always, we shall see. Onward, upward, always.
I clocked in for the meeting. Probably made $25, or so. Hey, good enough for downtown, plus extra for a Clean-Up Handy from another Lot Lizard!
I don’t think much of Verner Birke’s and Roland’s tactical knowledge. If Kord attacked Kirchner’s forces rather than try for the gate, even if he won in the field (debatable, considering he now supposedly can’t even launch a successful sortie from the town) the city and citadel might well have fallen and he would be faced with the problem of an enemy in control of a the fortified city he came to rescue, with access to seaborne supply which he is no position to hamper. Not to mention Lenz would probably try to kill him for not saving his father, he might well face attack from the rear by the forces he defeated, and Lady Knochenmaus would still capable of doing nasty things to his besieging forces at unexpected times and locales, since Marcelene would not know beforehand when and where to counter her attacks.
Other problems: Who raised the gate to allow Kirchner’s forces in? What is Marcelene’s parentage (it finally seeped through my skull that her name is the feminine diminutive of a king Kord killed)? If she is in fact related to the dead man what are her true intentions?
Lady Marcelene Alodia is the daughter of Count Alodia in Zesrin. She has no relation to King Marcel of the Drakoi. Her true intentions are [REDACTED].
Not knowing what is going to happen next, I’m thinking Knochenmaus used an evil, sneaky spell.
I have the flu. Swissy’s was long, wasn’t it? 3 weeks? So today, my mom tells me one of her non-cunty sisters had it for 3 weeks. Didn’t think much of it because I almost never get sick. This is like low-key inconvenient sick, but just inconvenient enough to keep me in a chair or in bed or on/over the toilet without a thought in my brain. I can’t even drive, I’m so lightheaded. So my mom says, “Oh, you’re sick? I’m sorry. Anyway, can [husband] bring me…” I’m like, REALLY?! I can’t think straight and I can’t leave the toilet and you want a different house dress that you LIKE and not the 3 I brought you that you DON’T like? So, what this means is, she’s much better.
I’ve had a Flu last only one week before. But I think I average two, with one week being the worst fever, etc, and the second being steady recovery.
Your immune response may vary.
Had hard symptoms for about 3-4 days and fatigue for around a week. Still have a cough 3-4 weeks later. Coworker calls it the plague.
Got a fever? My prescription is more Firsting.
I think thats your prolapse.
Had a low one Friday night, with chills. It broke in a few hours. I couldn’t keep anything down.
I’ve had great results with Tamiflu.
But you need to start it right away.
Been hacking up phlegm for three weeks. Finally coming down.
Flu is worse – sorry.
Grandma Tres (Dad’s mom) had her driving license yanked by Dad and his siblings, since she was demonstrably dangerous. One of her reassurances since she lived alone was “if you need something, let me know- ill get it”. You would think that by being raised by such a treacherous cunte (love you grandma!) they knew what they were up against. Well, not so much a “they”- Dad’s 2 siblings lived far away. He was 30 minutes or so. She would call and say she needed a loaf of bread. Dad would drive 30 minutes and take her to the grocery in town. She would balk and say “No- I need to get my bread from Kroger” which was another 30 minutes.
Dad would drive 30 minutes to get her, 30 minutes to Kroger, 30 minutes back, then another half an hour home.
He told me, “I know she’s just fucking with me”.
After she almost ran me over when I was on my bike, it came to light that despite having her driving privileges revoked by the family, she had went out and secretly bought a minivan, which was then absconded from her.
Fuckin Mennonites, man.
Now it’s being reported officially that the Dems did encourage Zelensky to confront Trump.
It was a combination of the Dems influencing Z and the retarded Euroscum giving him wind of what they have in mind for Ukraine meaning money (which they don’t have), troops (which they don’t have), and equipment (ditto). It’s pure fucking deluded fantasy and as the philosopher Mike Tyson said: “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”
Let them send their pitiful militaries into that meatgrinder and we’ll see how long the domestic support holds up when the flag draped coffins start arriving in Paris and London…just pure insanity on their part.
Excellent! Academy award for terrorist propaganda. Good job everyone!
Wakes, wakey.
Get up and kick some ass, peeps!
👟🍑
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6rFeilUvcc
🎼🎼
[ kicks Sean’s ass ]
[ waits to see if UCS got up early enough to don his ass-kicking gloves ]
Good Morning, Ted.
I’m up, but I’m far too old for ass kickin’. At the best I may ‘get after it’ but I’m not promising anything.
Get up? Excuse me I’ve been up all night Firsting. And Firsting and Firsting and Firsting.
Sleep is for seconders.
Take it easy Bro, you’re gonna go blind with all that.
suh’ fam
whats goody
TALL ERIE CANS!
Good morning, homey, Bro, Teh Hype, U, Ted’S., and Sean!
How goes?
…and in too local, too familiar news, Meadows of Catalpa is on fire YET AGAIN! 🙄🔥🧯🚒👩🚒👨🚒
Things are going very well for me, thanks – apparently much better for me than for my (not too near, thankfully) neighbors. First business day of the month, but my boss is out of town at a conference for a couple of days, so maybe he’ll leave me alone to work on my month-end reports in peace.
How are you?
The cheese in my breakfast salad is not good.
Though as this is among the worst complaints I have this morning, it’s not too bad.
Ugh! Is the cheese trying to grow its own green “salad”? 😝 What a tragedy when good cheese goes bad! 😢
🤢
The egg is even worse.
I have to write the whole thing off as spoiled. And I just bought it
Visually, they were both fine, but the moment you tasted them… 🤮
Oh no! Do you have any other food to get you through until lunch? 😟
If anything, this house is overstocked.
Id love it if the same guy that started the 1st fire was out on bail, and went and started another.
Tres’ cans are eerie.
Did I ever tell you people about the guy that had 5 dicks?
His pants fit like a glove.
This early morning rowdyism has got to stop!
Mornin’ Glibs and a fine day it is. Allegedly the temps are gonna reach 50 today. A little rain later and the ice in the yard may shrink. I’m stockpiling the bags of garbage on the steps ’til I can carry it out to the final resting spot.
Good morning, 4(20)! Don’t worry – we’ll stay off your lawn! 😉
Is it the turkeys or the bees getting rowdy?
The Mosquitos.