Trump Interviews 4 Supreme Court Prospects in Rush to Name Replacement
“OK, OK,” Donald said, “Let’s get started.” He waved his guests to the seven chairs lined up in front of the Oval Office desk.
“Brett, you take that first chair, and then Amy, then Raymond–I’m gonna call you Ray-Ray!–, then Ameel…”
“Amul, Mr. President,” Amul said.
“A mule?” Donald asked.
“Amul, sir,” Amul said again.
“OK, OK, sure. You just sit there, Apu,” Donald said. “THERE,” he repeated, pointing at the chair. “CHAIR,” he said, patting the seat of it until Amul moved to sit down.
“Mr. President…” Amul began.
“Please save your questions until the end of the ride,” Donald said.
The four nominees sat on the small chairs, looking uncomfortable and a little frightened.
“OK, OK,” Donald said, slapping his hands together loudly and rubbing them, “Let’s get started.” He pulled MAGA Prime from his suit jacket pocket and put him on Brett before the man could pull away.
“Sir?” Brett said, reaching up to touch the hat.
“No, no, leave it on,” Donald said. He watched the hat intently.
“Hufflepuff,” the hat intoned.
“Oh, my fucking God,” the hair said. “Will you please take this seriously?”
“Hufflepuff?” Donald asked.
“Hufflepuff?” Brett replied.
“Be serious, I need these questions answered,” Donald admonished the hat.
“Sir, are, you, uh, talking to me?” Brett asked.
“I don’t even need to be put on the others,” the hat said solemnly. “They are all Hufflepuff. Totes gay.”
The hair sighed.
“Super, super gay. So gay,” the hat said.
“Brett,” Donald said, ignoring the hat, “What I want to know is: Can I invade Venezuela?”
“Sir?”
“Venezuela, Brett. It’s a country. South of here, I hear. Fulla commies. Big, yuge commies. Can I invade it?”
“Well, sir, as you know The War Powers Act gives the President latitude during military crises.”
“Not the military, Brett. Me. Me. Can I invade Venezuela? Like, do you think I could take them?”
“Mr. President?”
Donald made a loud buzzing noise. “ENH! Too late, Brett. Decisiveness, Brett. That’s what I want in a Supreme Court judge. You should know the answer before the question is even asked.”
The hat chuckled as Donald snatched him off of Brett’s head.
“Here, Amy,” Donald said, handing her the hat. “Put him on.”
“Him, sir?” Amy asked, looking dubiously at the worn and filthy hat.
“It. Whatever. The hat. Put on the hat.”
“I’M ALL MAN!” the hat roared.
“Quiet!” the hair hissed.
Amy perched the hat on her head gingerly. Donald grabbed the bill and pulled it down on her head, crushing her hair. He leaned in toward Amy.
“You put it all the way on, Amy,” he said and took a slow, deep sniff of her neck. His shaking hands strayed toward her breasts, but the hair pinched his ear and Donald turned away before he could cup them.
The hat purred.
Donald spun on his heel when he was a few feet away and pointed at Amy: “Kim Jong-Un… HOT OR NOT?!?”
“Not!” Amy said in a startled voice.
“Disappointing,” Donald said. “Fast, but disappointing.” He held out his hand and Amy gave MAGA Prime back to him.
“Ray-Ray! My man,” Donald said. Raymond took the hat eagerly and put it on.
“I’m ready, Mr. President,” he said.
Donald let his face go very serious and asked, “What do you think about LeBron moving to the Lakers?”
“I think the Lakers are an excellent team,” Raymond said immediately. “And I think LA is a great city…”
Donald leaned forward and narrowed his eyes.
“But,” Raymond said carefully, “LeBron should have gone to the Knicks.”
A wide-smiled broke on Donald’s face.
“GO KNICKS!” Raymond said loudly.
“You’re OK, Ray-Ray. Just great. Tremendous,” Donald said. Raymond took off MAGA Prime and handed him back.
“OK, Habib,” Donald said, “It’s your turn.”
“Amul,” Amul said.
“OK, sure,” Donald said, holding out the hat.
Amul took the hat and looked at it for a moment. The hat growled.
“Shush,” the hair said.
Amul scraped a fingernail over one of the many stains on the hat and looked up at Donald.
Donald said, “I guess you can just hold it.”
“Yes, Mr. President,” Amul replied, a deep frown on his face.
“Detained immigrant children!” Donald yelled.
“The issue is very complex…” Amul began.
“HOT OR NOT?!?!” Donald asked.
“Uh, I, uh, sir, I… Not. Definitely not.”
“Kind of slow there, Alan. Something you want to tell us?” Donald asked.
“Amul, sir.”
“I’m not hearing a denial…” the hat said in a sing-song voice. Amul dropped the hat in shock and stared at it on the floor with growing horror.
“I think I heard…” Amul said.
“Donald!” the hair said.
“I, uh, throw my voice,” Donald said. Amul looked from the hat to Donald and back again.
“I’m really good at it,“ Donald continued. “Great, in fact. The best. I’m the best ventriloquist ever.” He bent awkwardly and picked the hat up off the carpet.
“Hey, hat,” Donald said, perching MAGA Prime on his fist.
“Hey, Donald,” Donald said out of the side of his mouth in a strained, high voice.
“Help him,” the hair whispered to the hat.
“So, uh, how you doing hat?” Donald asked.
The hat said nothing.
“Goddammit,” the hair muttered.
“I’m great, Donald,” Donald said, bouncing the hat up and down. “I love helping you run the country!” He twisted his wrist to make the hat look at the Supreme Court hopefuls.
A very, very long minute passed.
“Make America Great Again!” Donald squawked out of the side of his mouth.
Trump narrows Supreme Court short list, top 3 contenders emerge
Insert OT comment here.
Okay….
Chortle.
No number 1 gif for yourself?
You call that OT? THIS is OT!
This is what you get when you cross Q with HM.
Don’t blame HM for that image when we all know you went searching for it!
That was pretty tame; waste of an incognito window in fact. Are Q’s TITTAAAAAAAYS just really vanilla or something?
put them in Bikinis and you’re there.
Would.
So this is what it takes to get you to comment nowadays.
We had a bunch of big projects that were pressing and didn’t let me goof off. And then I took a long vacation and now things are more or less back to normal. Oh and I was on an island with half-sized foxes and giant scrub jays, but no cell service.
I was on an island with half-sized foxes
OMWC-approved, it sounds like.
It’s about fucking time that we get some quality content around here.
THIS IS MY NEW JAM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiiSSlws6Lw
Not lingonberry?
Want me to do more movie reviews?
Yummy! Mastitis!
My new fetish.
Yes. Yes it is.
“I’m really good at it,“ Donald continued. “Great, in fact. The best. I’m the best ventriloquist ever.”
Let’s see you do “Mama Mia, Piper Perri!”
A teary rendition of “Fernando” would be nice.
There was something in the air that night.
hilarious, as always.
So, uh, how you doing hat?” Donald asked.
The hat said nothing.
“Goddammit,” the hair muttered.
“I’m great, Donald,” Donald said, bouncing the hat up and down. “I love helping you run the country!” He twisted his wrist to make the hat look at the Supreme Court hopefuls.
A very, very long minute passed.
“Make America Great Again!” Donald squawked out of the side of his mouth.
That part reminded me of the frog from Bugs Bunny.
“Hello my honey, hello my baby, hello my ragtime gal.”
Michigan J. Hat?
A very, very long minute passed.
Rolling.
A long minute what passed?
It’s like driving through a bad neighborhood. You know something’s gonna happen but when you get to the other side without an incident, you’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Winning
Sad
More winning
No need to say any more.
Does anyone else think the pictures in the linked article make the candidates look like short-bus candidates?
I can’t scroll over to see the full image on the right, so it looks like Ray-Ray is peeking out from the side of the browser.
That pic reminded me of South Park’s caricature of Jerry Jones.
Excellent. I hope Ray-Ray is the nominee. He could be a great recurring character.
Erwin heard the Hat, though… Nobody else has heard the Hat.
End Times?
TDS can have many symptoms.
I stopped going to the gym because of Trump. Now I can’t open jars
TDS just happens to be my initials. I don’t monogram things, so I was rarely reminded of that until recently, but I was an arcade hero back in the day and that’s what I put in when I got the high score. Every time I see that abbreviation next to some trumphitler commentary I am reminded of _Mein Kampf_ as a tween. Which was mostly about maintaining my high score at Time Pilot `84. It’s perhaps worth noting that my great rival was in fact Jewish…
I wonder if WWII would have happened if the Germans had just invented video games a bit earlier.
“Donald spun on his heel when he was a few feet away and pointed at Amy: “Kim Jong-Un… HOT OR NOT?!?”
https://twitter.com/christinawilkie/status/1015060341401800704
“Trump’s gift to Kim Jong Un: A CD of Elton John with “Rocket Man” on it, autographed by Trump. “Little Rocket Man,” of course, was Trump’s taunting nickname for Kim.
From Chosun: “The ‘Rocket Man’ CD was the subject of discussion during Trump’s lunch with Kim, and Trump asked Kim if he knew the song and Kim said no. “Trump remembered the conversation and told Pompeo to take a CD with the song for Kim.”
Holy shit. That is Supreme Deity-level trolling.
You want the cute? Well, you can’t handle the cute!
https://twitter.com/ashtonbirdie/status/1014998584679231488
She’s in danger of getting that flag on the pavement.
“Patriot” signals in one post
Violates US Flag Code in another.
You just wanted to hear Wonderwall.
I don’t even know what that is.
The wonderwall goes round and round,
To pass it quickly, you are bound
If you’re the one to hold it last
I fear for you the game is past, and you are out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx1Bh8ZvH84
That was only slightly less ridiculous than this.
OMWC version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTfZshkNZRw
Tundra version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-AqJmXcGNg
Q version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk8oBPatupQ
lovely
Jess Greenberg was created by an algorithm designed to spit out perfection.
It’s better with the sound down.
Just like Oasis.
JB Version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhR69Vw0Ofk
Slammer version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXJb3rwOvLY
Gilmore version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jftpg_6SUYk
+1
Should have posted it somewhere else…
True, I actually thought of that, then decided against it. Oh, well.
I accept this.
I’ve never heard a version of that song i’d ever liked before. Now i have.
SP version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbwRvZ7BBwQ
A rule more oft honored in the breaking than the observance.
I’m not much of a flag waver, much less a flag protector, but I wonder if you’ve read “The Virginian.”
Are you referencing her photo of herself using the flag as wearing apparel?
Or is she using the flag as a covering for a ceiling somewhere? Because as someone with a strange interest in the flag code, a working understanding of gravity, and a pathological insistence that words should mean something, I’m still trying to work out how a fabric (which can transmit tension but not compression) can be used within Earths gravity well to cover something that definition only has a bottom but no top.
I know that one hand clapping doesn’t make a sound, and that a falling tree is perfectly capable of making a sound but not a noise. But this seems like an impossible paradox.
1: Glue exists, as do staples and nails. You can ‘cover’ the ceiling with a flag by affixing it to the visible surface.
2: There are two ways for one hand clapping to make a sound. One it to wave it like a moron at the nonexistant other hand, This produces a noise close to 1 Hertz, well below the human range, but still a sound. The other is to bring the fingers down against the palm of the same hand, which is perfectly audible.
I haven’t gone so far as to run a Lex Machina search, I believe that ordinary use of the word cover entails laying upon or placing over, and that it is thus inherently tied to being over or on the thing being covered.
2: Correct. I just wasn’t getting into fighting the hypothetical.
You can cover the underside of something. without having to be strictly further from the graviational reference point.
Dictionaries are an improper tool for figuring out complete understandings of a term. Something something bikini something something conceal something reveal.
It is a valid usage of the term cover, and in theory the law is supposed to be written to be understood by the average rube on the street. While I do not believe the flag code contains any penalties for violation, it is part of the law.
As I said, i haven’t run a Lex Machina search or actually performed any other work to empirically show that directional is inherent in the word. But I believe that that is the result that would come if I’d done so.
But popular dictionaries are still the least favored source of evidence for the meaning of a word (or at least should be if I understand the rules of interpretation correctly, which I may not, because IANAL.)
Occam’s Razor – one interpretation produces a prohibition on a physical impossibility. The other produces a prohibition on a possible action using a commonly understood meaning of the verbiage. Which is the action prohibited?
When my son was about 4 and was on a long walk with me, he persisted in asking (in the manner of 4 year olds) an interminable string of questions. I finally got to the edge of my patience envelope, and snapped back, “What’s the sound of one hand clapping?”
He looked at me like I was a large moron (not inaccurate), pulled up his shirt, and started whacking his hand against his belly. “See?”
That’s not a clap, that’s a slap. Different action all together.
Your son sounds pretty smart.
(d) The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery.
It’s a no no.
why would you have mirabile dictu as a tattoo?
https://twitter.com/ashtonbirdie/status/1014998584679231488
Go tell it on the mountain
Over the hills and everywhere
Go tell it on the mountain
That Jesus Christ is born
“Terry Gilliam has responded to the BBC diversity debate which referenced Monty Python by saying: “I tell the world now I’m a black lesbian.”
Gilliam was commenting on the row over diversity triggered by the BBC’s unveiling of its new comedy programming, announced in June, at which the BBC’s controller of comedy commissioning Shane Allen emphasised the corporation’s commitment to “the stories that haven’t been told and the voices we haven’t yet heard”. In response to a question about Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Allen said: “If you’re going to assemble a team now, it’s not going to be six Oxbridge white blokes. It’s going to be a diverse range of people who reflect the modern world.”
Speaking at a press conference at the Karlovy Vary film festival, where he was presenting his new film The Man Who Killed Don Quixote, Gilliam said: “It made me cry: the idea that … no longer six white Oxbridge men can make a comedy show. Now we need one of this, one of that, everybody represented… this is bullshit. I no longer want to be a white male, I don’t want to be blamed for everything wrong in the world: I tell the world now I’m a black lesbian… My name is Loretta and I’m a BLT, a black lesbian in transition.”
https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/jul/04/terry-gilliam-on-diversity-bbc-monty-python-black-lesbian
I swear Tony Blair looked around one day and realized there were no minority victims to kiss up to, so he imported a shitload of new victims of racism and Islamophobia.
So where did he “import” this guy from?
Innsmouth, by the look of him.
There is something fishy about this whole affair.
Not sure which guy you mean, but I sure wish I could pay a TV tax for the privilege of watching 4 state-owned channels.
The guy pictured is Shane Allen.
They’ve certainly got video evidence of their transitioning.
I do have to ask, what did Gilliam expect? I mean, he’s been peddling left-wing victimhood for a while now. Did he think it would never come around and bite him on the rear?
What did Robespierre think when he had his date with Madame Guillotine? I doubt he expected to feel the bite of the blade.
Jobs are bad, mmkay
Apparently, links are bad also.
jobs bad
Man they are tone deaf.
With slow wage growth, rising health care premiums, and skyrocketing gas prices across the country,
Donald Trump’sBarack Obama’s reckless policies are hurting millions of hardworking families.Round and round we go, where we’re headed, nobody knows!
“And we will continue to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with workers and with our brothers and sisters in the labor movement as they fight for the wages, benefits, and livelihood they deserve.”
Sure, until it’s election time, and your candidate doesn’t have time to make a campaign stop to rub elbows with those deplorables. Their donations are still welcome, though.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DhXFkicUcAESWbC.jpg:large
LOLOLOLOL
Wow! Reproductions of one of Kimberly Johnson’s urban outings. I’m impressed.
That’s awesome.
Professional chin stroker is shocked to discover it is easier to start up a well-funded non-profit (of dubious impact) or start a stupid-on-its-face academic vogue than it is to change the immutable nature of man.
Who could possibly have foreseen this?
Amy kept her clothes on.
Sad.
Does your wife ever read this?
Someone would marry him?
Oh, hell no.
God damn, that was awesome!
“You put it all the way on, Amy,” he said and took a slow, deep sniff of her neck. His shaking hands strayed toward her breasts, but the hair pinched his ear and Donald turned away before he could cup them.
The hat purred.
Behold the power of Catholic MILF. It even works on The Donald, who I thought can’t even perceive women over the age of 29.
Spoken like a guy who never found himself at a Starbucks in a high-income neighborhood at whatever time yoga class gets out on the first week back to school.
Hey, I am at an age where, to quote Dork Tower, “moms in soap commercials look good”. I just thought The Donald was immune.
Hmm- I would have though so too. If the Donald is starting to look good to you I think it might be time to cut short your Arctic expedition.
“Catholic MILF”
Super MILF. She’s got a well-used uterus and still hotter than 99% of the judiciary.
She’s invited to the foursome with Tulsi and Nikki.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwRL1LNVTLI
MAGA.
https://i.iheart.com/v3/url/Ly9tZWRpYS5paGVhcnQuY29tL2NjLWNvbW1vbi9tbGliLzIxMzUvMjAxNi8wMy9kZWZhdWx0L2JhYmVzX2Zvcl90cnVtcF8wXzE0NTg1NzIxMDEuanBn
Yuge.
http://halfguarded.com/wp-content/uploads/CjO0fLzWsAESjyT.jpg
Grab ’em by the pussy.
http://liftn.com/wp-content/uploads/CmpO8WkWcAAC13r.jpg
Needz moar Diet Coke.
https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2016-06/26/15/enhanced/buzzfeed-prod-fastlane03/grid-cell-25178-1466968976-15.jpg
More violations of the flag code!
I’ll make sure they are punished appropriately.
Somebody definitely needs to be spanked.
Yes. A good spanking may be in order….
*channeling my inner perv*
The new Hat and Hair.
http://i.ebayimg.com/images/i/261212539937-0-1/s-l1000.jpg
OT: I’m headed here this weekend so you degenerates will have to find your own tits for a couple of days.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_City%2C_Colorado
Time to get drunk and shoot guns (not necessarily in that order).
It’s just the art of rationality itself that remains (outside the usual cognitive scientists who have nothing to do with us and are working on a slightly different project) a couple of people writing blog posts.
Rationality is for chumps.
“Trump and Republicans in Congress are trying to build a winner-take-all economy that enriches their wealthy friends and saddles working families with the bill. Democrats want to create good-paying jobs and build an economy that works for everyone. And we will continue to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with workers and with our brothers and sisters in the labor movement as they fight for the wages, benefits, and livelihood they deserve.”
Rome wasn’t burned in a day.
“Democrats want to create good-paying jobs and build an economy that works for everyone”
When the gulf between your intentions and your results is navigable by a supertanker, you may wish to revisit your methods.
Or, more likely, they’re achieving the exact result they intend.
OT: More bisexual chicks? We can only hope.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/07/05/two-thirds-generation-z-identify-exclusively-heterosexual/
These surveys tend to be written such that even a sole wandering throught dismissed without action disqualifies the respondant from being ‘straight’. God forbid there have been an encounter, even if the result was ‘does nothing for me’.
It’s propaganda to inflate the numbers, hense the weasel word ‘exclusively’.
God forbid there have been an encounter, even if the result was ‘does nothing for me’.
Go on…
If you masturbate, you’re having sex with somebody of the same sex as you, so you’re either bi or homosexual.
It never does anything for me though.
Then you’re doing it wrong
So, uh, you gonna bake me a cake? I’m not sure what decoration we ought to put on it, but let’s talk. Frequently. I’m going to need a lot of cake.
MUH SINGLE PAYER
https://www.yahoo.com/news/ap-exclusive-washington-hospital-going-hell-133054492.html
Government run healthcare in action.
inpatient psychiatric care is a freaking nightmare.
i’ve been inside a half-dozen facilities. the “best” managed to fool you into not noticing that all the doors had magnetic locks that could automatically turn the place into a prison when needed. Its basically a giant waiting room where crazy people are allowed to watch tv, smoke (*the most popular past-time at many, which was odd for hospitals), and play board games.
the problems often arise from the fact that staff don’t have authority or experience to know when to shift from “nurse” mode, to “prison guard” mode. or, maybe the problem is that psych hospitals expect people to do both.
a good friend i grew up with ended up running the psych ward in a local hospital, so i managed to get insights from both the POV of a (family member) patient as well as the operators.
**there’s the additional problem that the psych wards are often used as dumping grounds for both
a) – “people not really crazy, but merely ‘attempted suicide’/or drug-OD’d/or ‘had episode’…. and need to be held /evaluated for legal reasons”
and
b) – “actual evil motherfuckers who have committed crimes, but who therapists and family members keep out of jail because of unwillingness of court to mix ‘possibly crazy people’ in prison; iow, people in denial about the person having bad-intentions on top of mental-illness’
iow, nobody can really draw the line between ‘not really ill / genuinely ill / and criminal-minded’. its an ugly stew of ‘merely unhappy/disturbed’ people, and others who are quite deeply off their rocker.
and mixing them up together in a happy-prison for a few weeks can sometimes make borderline-people turn worse. many psychologists i spoke to felt that people who have had schizoid breaks should be released from inpatient care as soon as humanly possible (provided people willing to care for them)… because leaving them in that environment for too-long (weeks is a long time) can have lasting negative effect.
people who have had schizoid breaks should be released from inpatient care as soon as humanly possible (provided people willing to care for them)
That’s the biggest problem, right there.
yep- I’ve spent quite a bit of time in locked wards this year (visiting.) Unpleasant places I wanted to get my friends out of, but… I just can’t tend to them constantly.
” its an ugly stew of ‘merely unhappy/disturbed’ people, and others who are quite deeply off their rocker.”
It’s even worse than that.
My niece was put in a psych ward after taking too many Vicodin what she was 15. This was days after adenoid surgery, not exactly the type of thing a disturbed person goes for when thinking about self-mutilation. But the state puts all drug OD’s into the psych ward, no exceptions. And of course she gets labelled as “clinically depressed” because she came from a broken home with a deadbeat father who moved 2,000 miles away and never contacted the abandoned kids for years. I mean, if you go by the book EVERY 15 year old is clinically depressed which makes the whole thing a disgusting sham. And of course she’s put on anti-depressants which she can never get off of. You get put into that situation at that age and you can’t really be surprised that it does more harm than good. Thirteen years later she tried getting off the anti-depressants and died of a Norco overdose. I’ll never know if it was accidental, but it sure pisses me off that health care is turning into a health racket – forcing people INTO dependency is the exact opposite of what they should be doing. But there’s shitloads of money and power in it, and not just for the practitioners.
Commenting from Central Time in IAH. No recycle bins anywhere. I love it here.
I see that Trump has promised to replace the MAGA that idiot stole from the kid with an autographed one. Could be an episode?