140 Comments

  1. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Is it the weird frequency or have computers achieved sentience and decided that they donā€™t like shitty music?

    • Plisade

      “The 1989 pop song is apparently operating at a hard drive corrupting frequency.”

      It hurts just thinking about something like this, assuming it’s not satire, which I have no way of knowing given my ignorance in these matters.

      10 minutes to happy hour and I can forget all about Janet.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Thatā€™s Miss Jackson if youā€™re nasty. Titillating then, not so much now.

      • Mojeaux

        Janet is my hero.

      • KK the Dalit

        I wish she had said “Yeah, it was choreographed, obviously. I had that thing on my nipple. You got a problem with that?”

      • Mojeaux

        I think it was an accident, but I too wish she’d just stood up and said, “Fuck you.” I’m even pissy about the fact that Timberlake was somehow not at fault. He’s almost never mentioned but in passing.

      • Mustang

        Somehow that was a huge scandal and moral panic. Nowadays that’s just a regular day when you’ve got people lopping their dicktits off.

        Boy, have things changed.

      • Nephilium

        Here’s an article with more technical details. It appears to be resonance frequencies matched with a specific model of HDD.

      • Grosspatzer

        Now that is cool. I guess that array objected to being called Just A Bunch Of Dicks.

      • Plisade

        Thanks and wow! It’s a real thing!

      • KK the Dalit

        It’s 3.5 hours til happy hour, by my calculation

      • R.J.

        Counting down the minutes here. I snuck off to get an oil change for the Mega Jeep. Then some more work. Thenā€¦ Freedom!

      • Bobarian LMD

        It’s always happy hour, somewhere!

      • Spudalicious

        Youā€™re an hour and a half late.

  2. Tundra

    Hi Riven!

    Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis worked miracles to make Janet’s songs as good as they are.

    And they are good.

    • Nephilium

      Remember to always be yourself.

      Unless you can be Batman.

      Then be Batman.

      • Gender Traitor

        “Dress for the job you want…”

    • Rat on a train
    • Pope Jimbo

      Someone is sucking up to OMWC….

      • Mojeaux

        What has OMWC done for me LATELY?!

  3. KK the Dalit

    I play The Sims 3

    /eom

  4. Count Potato

    What’s the difference between Batgirl and Batwoman?

    • Nephilium

      Batgirl is usually Barbara Gordon (Jim Gordon’s daughter), Batwoman is Kassandra Kain, a cousin of Bruce Wayne.

      • Nephilium

        It’s Cassandra Cain, they didn’t go with the KEWL LETTERZ!

        There was also a Kate Kane who was Batwoman first.

      • Count Potato

        RJ told me about Mexican Batwoman. The actress is this hot Italian broad who spends half the movie walking around in a batkini.

      • R.J.

        Very true. Weā€™ll see in in year two of GlibFlick.

      • thrakkorzog

        Is that the one with Santo?

    • Tundra

      Jail time.

      • Sean

        *polite applause*

      • Count Potato

        Aren’t all the incarnations of Batgirl at least 18?

      • Nephilium

        I don’t believe so. I think there was at least one teenage incarnation of Batgirl.

      • Bobarian LMD

        There is a female Robin, though.

        Dark Knight Returns

      • Nephilium

        Yes there was, and I think there was a second one that was introduced more recently. Even I’ve lost track of all of the Robins at this point.

      • thrakkorzog

        I think the spares are kept in a trunk out back.

    • Grosspatzer

      There is someone here who is reputed to be an expert in such matters.

  5. Count Potato

    “Pennsylvania man is charged with abuse of a corpse after he tried to buy human remains from mortuary worker on Facebook

    Pauley is the owner of The Grand Wunderkammer and the executive director and curator at The Memento Mori Museum. The business owner purchases multiple shipments of bones and teeth from unknown buyers and shares them with his supporters online”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11127373/Pennsylvania-man-charged-tried-buy-human-remains-mortuary-worker-Facebook.html

    He seems a bit odd.

    • KK the Dalit

      Pretty sure Da Vinci did the same

    • Fourscore

      Party time with Ed Gein. Boy, the stories those guys could tell…

  6. Nephilium

    It’s a Friday, and people apparently still want to chat and talk online to all sorts of freaks and geeks. So here’s the Zoom/Happy Hour/Bull session that will be kicked off at 20:00 Eastern.

    • KK the Dalit

      After consultation with my consigliere, I declare tonight “Sloppy Drunk Fun Times Happy Hourz Glib Zoom”!

      With extra campfire…

      • Nephilium

        /goes and puts a couple extra cocktail glasses in the freezer

      • westernsloper

        Excellent!

    • Rat on a train

      declare their race
      Daytona 500?

    • rhywun

      Where do I sign up?!

    • Chafed

      Where is DOJ’s Civil Rights Division? This case should be a lay up.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I fully support their right to be raging assholes provided I am afforded the same.

    • R.J.

      Scary as shit. Facing a big bear with a pistol would be a pants wetting moment.

    • Tundra

      Whoa. I hope it wasn’t a relative

    • Bobarian LMD

      Dainty for a Grizzly, pretty frickin’ big for a Black Bear.

  7. KK the Dalit

    Today I have been playing a game I invented called “Child or Broken Weed Wacker?”

    I seriously can’t tell the difference.

    • R.J.

      Hahahaha! I like that game.

  8. EvilSheldon

    @NotAdhan – The guy in the blue Tacoma double cab who went past you while you were stopped at the club gate? That was me.

    • Count Potato

      OK, fed.

      • EvilSheldon

        I have the Ray-Bans and the cargo shorts but not the golf shirt…

    • Not Adahn

      Having looked at the stages, I can say: giggety.

      Surely there must be other shooters with WRX/STIs.

      • Not Adahn

        Seriously though, Iā€™m impressed with the way thereā€™s multiple legit game plans.

      • EvilSheldon

        The teeter-totter looks like a trip. Literally.

        If you’re still in the area and you want to grab a bite, shoot me a text at (240) 342-6182.

  9. Evan from Evansville

    Well. I got my first byline. I’m pissed that I made a stupid fucking mistake, but perhaps more vexed that my editor didn’t catch it. Hrm.

    But it’s exciting. I just finished my first 80% solo budget for tomorrow’s paper. Lots of editing but three I pretty much wrote from scratch. I feel fairly accomplished. It’s quite queer that I have almost directly followed in my father’s footsteps. Family Lore: I am Garret [Insert family name here]’s Son. In many ways. Yet again, a prescient joke.

    I’m also getting married. Kinda sorta. New Lady’s mom is semi-devout in the Muslim category. She knows we fuck. She doesn’t really care. We are going to be able to stay in her house for a while as she is gone for something. New Lady is in NYC and this is a very strange relationship. Article worthy, probably, but I’m far too busy now.

    New Lady’s Mom wants us to do a ceremony, of NO legal binding or meaning, purely cultural, where the whoever does a 5 min thing and we are ‘married.’ Then!…the mom has no problem with us fucking as we stay in her house while she’s away. That is literally what this is about. I don’t care a fuck in any way. Play by House Rules. New Lady (whom I’m only referring to as that to distinguish the situation this time) doesn’t give a fuck, either. She has to cover her hair and gets a new dress. I don’t have to do anything. A handkerchief over our hands. That’s it. In a double ceremony we think.

    My life…is strange. I’m in love with it right now. So strange. The suspense is terrible!…I hope it lasts….

    • R.J.

      Your life is always interesting. I live vicariously through (most) of your exploits.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Nope. Abingdon, VA. And he’s of the ‘two Rs, one T’ category. Our family name has another ‘we have to say how to spell a simple name or they’ll spell it with Two Ts” problem.

      • rhywun

        My last name has a more common version with a different vowel that I always need to correct. But I like my version better.

  10. Fourscore

    I thank Mr Riven for the really great music. Bing wasn’t my fave but hadn’t heard him singing for many years. I can actually hear and understand the words.

  11. UnCivilServant

    ā€œArkane has revealed that just one section of Redfallā€™s map is bigger in size than the entirety of Talos I, the space station setting of Prey.ā€

    Here’s the important question – is there anything in it? It’s nice to hear that you have a great big open world, but if that world feels empty, it’s not really a selling point.

    How content-rich is your open world?

    • R.J.

      That question applies to real-life as well.

      • UnCivilServant

        Yeah, there’s these billions of cubic lightyears of space that just contain dust! I want to speak to the level designer!

      • R.J.

        I added some kittens. Livened up the place. I am hoping they are not part of a subscription package.

      • one true athena

        They’re in a loot crate. Buy a chance to get kittens for 2.99!

      • UnCivilServant

        Darn, it was a Shroedinger’s Lootbox!

      • SDF-7

        Schrodinger’s Loot Crates.

      • thrakkorzog

        The kittens are free, the Cesium costs extra. Good luck guessing when we are going to stop charging you.

  12. Timeloose

    Similar to the Janet Jackson song. Here is a guy yelling at a data center.

    https://youtu.be/tDacjrSCeq4

      • Grosspatzer

        Fits with today’s bat theme. Bloodsuckers.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Can’t let Pfizer have all of the fun.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Kateā€™s always been a bit different.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Concerns were expressed

    White House officials have privately expressed deep concern over the tranche of classified material taken to former President Donald Trump’s home in Florida, including some documents that are only meant to be viewed only in secure government facilities, CNN has learned.

    As more information has emerged in the days since FBI agents combed the former President’s private residence, current administration officials have become increasingly concerned about what Trump took and whether that information — some located in a basement-level storage facility at Mar-a-Lago — could potentially put the sources and methods of the US intelligence community at risk.

    “There is a deep concern,” one senior administration official told CNN.

    He could blow Russiagate wide open!

    • SDF-7

      Ah, the ubiquitous “sources and methods” that gets trotted out whenever they want to suppress things. If it saves one “source or method” any level of corruption should be swept under the rug!

      Salt.

      The.

      Earth.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      How deep is your concern? I really need to know.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        ‘Cuz we’re living in a world of fools
        Breaking us down (the doors anyway)
        When they all should let us be
        The files belong to not you but me

        /sung in Trumps voice

      • rhywun

        LOL where my mind went too

  14. one true athena

    I discovered I have some sort of leak from the upstairs bathroom into the ceiling of the garage. The joys of home ownership never stop!

    • Sean

      We have to replace a double vanity due to a leak. šŸ˜’

      The one we want is out of stock. Yay.

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      At least it’s into the garage.ā€‚The main bathroom upstairs is directly over my electronics lab downstairs.ā€‚If I get a leak, that’s gonna be exciting.ā€‚And I have no place I can move the lab.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I consulted on a water intrusion problem into a Verizon data center that was below ground.

        The property owner wanted to just paint something on the block walls. He wasnā€™t pleased when I told him to replace all the concrete sidewalk they just tore out.

        Of course, Verizon was screaming bloody murder about it, which they should have.

      • Rat on a train

        Years ago I worked for a small company that rented a small office near a telecom’s central office for the high speed connection. They had shelves with servers that people would remote in to run jobs. One day working in the next room I heard water. The suite above had a water line break. Water was coming through the ceiling. I made a makeshift water shield out of cardboard and trash bags. We lost some supplies in the room but no electronics.

      • Nephilium

        Last place I worked with a data center had an issue. It turns out that the AC unit, which was on the roof, had an issue with it’s drainage, and started leaking water directly below it. Below it was the data center. The temperature started climbing in the data center which is what alerted someone to the issue. When they got there, they had to grab garbage bags, and tent them over the servers to get the water to flow into buckets on the raised floor to protect the servers.

      • TARDis

        My son’s bathroom is over the garage. His overflow cover got turn up side down, loosening the seal. It drained all over my newish car. We didn’t go anywhere all weekend, and it was a bitch to get the drywall/paint stains off my car. At least my plumber charged me nothing. I felt like a moron.

  15. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Iā€™ve got this one ā€œcustomerā€ who has been calling me for eight months , spaced two months apart, about a couple hundred dollar order for his brother in Jamaica.

    Now heā€™s got my cell phone and has simultaneously sent me Whatsapp messages and texts to let me know he sent me Whatsapp messages. Just send it in the text for Godā€™s sake. Oh, and he wants to look at the product after hours because he works during the day. No dude, come on your lunch break.

    Five bucks says he calls me this weekend to tell me his brother wants something different.

    • UnCivilServant

      Jamaica the island or one of the many towns named jamaica?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The island

    • SDF-7

      So he’s Jamaican you crazy?

  16. SDF-7

    This crap is getting out of hand.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The court risks invalidating itself. They really canā€™t see five minutes into the future.

    • Ted S.

      If TEAM RED had *any* intelligence, they’d use this against every Democrat in the country.

      • Sean

        *sad trombone*

    • R C Dean

      Wouldnā€™t that mean every single thing the legislature has done since the current electoral map was adopted is illegitimate and therefor null and void/overturned?

      On a totally unrelated note, good day at the range today with the bullpups. Trying to get some baseline competency before our class next month. Totally. Unrelated.

  17. KK the Dalit

    Hey! It’s World Honey Bee Day!

    cc: 20×4

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Deathliest plague ever

    The majority of people likely infected with the omicron variant that causes COVID-19 were not aware they contracted the virus, which likely played a role in the rapid spread of omicron, according to a study published this week.

    Researchers at Cedars-Sinai, a nonprofit health organization based in Los Angeles, examined the infectious status of individuals during the omicron surge in the U.S.

    Omicron was first detected in November 2021 and has become the most dominant strain of COVID-19. Common symptoms are typically less severe than other variants and include cough, headache, fatigue, sore throat and a runny nose, according to the researchers.

    The study analyzed 2,479 blood samples from adult employees and patients at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center around the time of the omicron variant surge.

    Of the 210 people who likely contracted the omicron variant ā€” based on antibodies in their blood ā€” 56% percent did not know they had the virus, the researchers found.

    ——-

    Researchers say further studies are needed, “involving larger numbers of people from diverse ethnicities and communities … to learn what specific factors are associated with a lack of infection awareness,” according to the news release.

    200 out of 2500. Rampant!

    We need infection equity!

    • rhywun

      Infection awareness deserts.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        . . . what specific factors are associated with a lack of infection awareness . . .

        Uhm, I’m just spit-ballin’ here, but . . . perhaps a complete lack of symptoms?

    • one true athena

      oh damn, I just had a blood draw, but I didn’t ask to have it tested for covid antibodies. Since I’m curious if I ever did contract it or have just missed it this whole time.

      But lol, “infection awareness”.

    • EvilSheldon

      Nor a creepy fringe church guy. Doubly so with Kahr being a major sponsor.

    • R C Dean

      Sort of a Gun Pride Festival?

      • EvilSheldon

        I guess? I don’t recognize any of the celebs or the ‘trainers’. The more I look through the website, the more this smells like a Moonie recruitment seminar…

      • Sean

        Seb Gorka is semi famous, no?

  19. Gender Traitor

    The guy who manages one of my retirement accounts has been after me to do an “annual account review,” so I finally found time to give him a call today. After looking at the slide my account has taken since the first of the year, I told him I kinda wanted to change from a “moderately conservative” portfolio to a “conservative” one. He said that made sense for my circumstances, and he got it changed before close of business.

    This probably means that the stock market is going to bounce up like a Super Ball. (Anybody else remember Super Balls? The TOY, dammit!) Adjust your own investments accordingly. šŸ™„

    • Sean

      I remember.

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      They have super ball silly putty now. It’s slightly different consistency and bounces like a super ball if you squish it up into something roundlike.

      • Gender Traitor

        ::starts exploring Crayola’s website, discovers Aroma Putty, decides to cash out retirement account to buy lifetime supply::

  20. Sean

    Ugh. The Buffy musical episode is on.

    • R.J.

      Oh darn. I was about to go put on Comet.

  21. R C Dean

    Well, crap. I was thinking about cashing out my BitCoin account, and damned if it didnā€™t take a big dump in the last couple of days.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Perfect day for the pool. Before the menacing clouds roll in. Sublime in the background and a beer.

    • R.J.

      Hang on to it for the coming apocalypse.

    • Ownbestenemy

      That is a beautiful piece of propaganda

    • Sean

      Gross. Brace for skyrocketing food costs coming soon.

      I wonder how they’ll spin that?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Americans have needed diet and how the government solved the diabetes problem

    • EvilSheldon

      Yay, I got a $100/month raise after my 20% pay cut!

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      I’m so excited that the chocolate ration has been raised to 20 grams a week. Hail Biden.

      • Cowboy

        It appeared that there had even been demonstrations to thank Big Brother for raising the chocolate ration to twenty grams a week. And only yesterday [ā€¦] it had been announced that the ration was to be reduced to twenty grams a week. Was it possible that they could swallow that, after only twenty-four hours? Yes, they swallowed it. […] The eyeless crature at the other table swallowed it fanatically. passionately, with a furious desire to track down, denounce, and vaporize anyone who should suggest that last week the ration had been thirty grams. Syme, too-in some more double complex way, involving doublethink-Syme, swallow it. Was he, then, alone in the possession of a memory?

        Apparently it was instruction manual all along.

    • Ted S.

      The first time I filled up my current car, in February 2021, I paid $2.38 a gallon. Gas here is currently $3.94 a gallon, and that’s with the 16-cent tax rebate that will run out eventually.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      If there were any doubt as to the intended role of CNNā€¦

    • rhywun

      Good lord. Do I need to move somewhere I can vote for Harris in a primary?

  22. thrakkorzog

    So reading about Catwoman, the only film I can think of where the studio absolutely refused to release it was The Day the Clown Cried. Which has reached legendary status as a lost film. Where Jerry Lewis plays a clown at a holocaust camps. And the studio heads noped out on it for obvious reasons.