Don’t Doxx Me Bro! Cinco De Mayo

by | Oct 4, 2022 | Film | 150 comments

Let’s travel way back in time, with a couple of video projects some guy made in high school.  The first was made some time around the release of Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, which came out in 1999. I think it was shot before the movie actually came out, so xey may have been in middle school instead. But I’m no biologist historian.

This ‘film’ was shot with a barrowed Hi-8 camera in a garage using found items to create sets. The actors (one of which fanboys may recognize) were all just younger kids that wanted to participate, because no one this creepy guy’s age was interested in film making. There was no script, and the video wasn’t even edited into anything semi-coherent until 15 years later.

The other piece I’ll share today was made for a high school project of some kind that this random mouth breather did. The other 2 ‘actors’ are terrible and the quality is down-right horrendous, but this freak does a good bad British accent (Xe could probably be a pretty good voice actor if Xem weres given a chance) and there are some sparks of decent satire if you dim the lights enough. Also, check out those glorious side burns! Also shot on the same shitty Hi-8 camera. I believe the editing was all done ‘in camera’, which means it was all shot in the order it appears here. Also, since then I’ve seen this sold as a legitimate product by another name.

(If these look familiar, I believe they were actually shared in one of my very first articles here)

(at some point soon I’ll put something in the forum about how you are all invited to invade my tiny town in May 2023)

About The Author

CPRM

CPRM

Organic troll farmer.

150 Comments

  1. DEG

    XMLV? That’s a weird Roman numeral.

    • rhywun

      Kids these days.

    • MikeS

      Maybe they’re transroman. Who are you to judge?

  2. Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

    That Jawa has a nice hoodie.

  3. Shiny Nerfherder

    CPRM is light saber lamp kid. I knew it.

    • rhywun

      Obiwan or whoever that is is looking pretty fierce.

  4. Sean

    Just like that.

  5. Gustave Lytton

    Bourbon and Coke and grilling.

    • MikeS

      Much better than bleach and Coke.

  6. Fourscore

    Creative and imaginative, CPRM. You didn’t waste your Saturday afternoons going to cowboy movies as some kids that age did.

    Thanks for taking us backstage, a little anyway.

  7. rhywun

    Love the “sliding” doors.

    • Festus

      Watch your fingers!

  8. Festus

    That chubby girl had a crush on you, CPRM!

    • MikeS

      👍🏻

    • MikeS

      Speaking of Gene Hackman, I watched The Conversation last night. Overall, a very good movie. There was one pivotal scene that I think was shoehorned in and completely out of character for the lead character, but otherwise I really liked it.

    • Mojeaux

      “Just reading this list should shame the Hollywood studios.”

      What is this word, “shame,” please?

      • Penguin

        This has probably been posted on the sire previously. But the Critical Drinker is a well respected movie reviewer, and discusses (at least metaphorically) the utter lack of shame in Hollywood.

        If it’s been linked here before, apologies.

      • Mojeaux

        It hasn’t been linked now, either. 😉

    • rhywun

      Ancient Japanese secret.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I’m old fashioned. I stick to peanut butter and chocolate.

    • whahappan

      Inspired by trump!

  9. rhywun

    Happy Yom Kippur everyone!
    I think that’s why I have tomorrow off.

    • slumbrew

      It’s not one of the “happy” ones, which is why the dog and I are solo and the wife is in CT, fasting alongside her mom.

      • rhywun

        Ah. My guide says it’s not even “Let’s eat!”

      • slumbrew

        I keep that handy as well.

        Day Of Atonement. Maybe the most serious of the holidays, to my outsider’s eye.

        There will be a bunch of hangry Jews tomorrow.

      • rhywun

        I also have next Mon. and Tue. off – and the following Mon. and Tue.

        I think some, if not all, of that is Sukkot.

      • creech

        Amazing how (((they))) rule the world with so many days goofing off.

      • rhywun

        lol

      • Festus

        Jesus!

    • straffinrun

      Let’s have a war.

  10. Timeloose

    The kid playing Obi Wan made me laugh when he jumped into the sheet metal wall to simulate being thrown by darth maul

  11. Festus

    We are living through the best Indian summer of my lifetime. It’s still in the 70’s. I can’t don the waders to visit my favorite spots because I can no longer keep up on my stems. I no longer swim anymore for the same reason. All that I have left are memories and photographs.

    • slumbrew

      Sorry to hear that, Festus.

      • Festus

        It’s better that than never having lived it at all. I was a crazy-assed fisherman and quite the athlete some years ago. I miss it. I miss everything. Thanks, Friend slumbrew.

      • Festus

        Wading across the creek and the water is coming up within an inch of your waders? Creeping along the canyon wall because you believe that just around the corner there has got to be that magical pool? The one that bears that 5 pound trout? Oh yeah.

    • rhywun

      Indian summer

      We went straight from 80s to 50s as usual.

      I love fall but I kind of wish the change wasn’t so sudden every year.

      • Penguin

        Last October, we had a month of 70’s here. It was nice.

    • straffinrun

      Sorry to hear that. I suppose we all get there eventually.

    • MikeS

      this freak does a good bad British accent

      Sorry, Festus. Is there any chance of those fuckers actually trying to get to the bottom of your issues?

      • MikeS

        OK. Ignore the part in blockquote.

        I swear, I’m not that drunk. Just preoccupied.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Oh, Festy. A river runs through my people. I understand.

  12. MikeS

    one of which fanboys may recognize

    🙋🏻‍♂️

    • MikeS

      However, my favorite was Brandon.

    • Festus

      Well at least everyone’s arms were lefty/righty.

  13. Penguin

    Only watched the “Potted Pots” vid. That was really good satire for a high school kid. I see where you get it today. Too bad you had no editing software at the time – putting up graphics showing the ridiculous prices, etc.

  14. MikeS

    Congrats to Aaron Judge for breaking the actual single season home run record held by Roger Maris since 1961. I hate that he beat a NoDak’s record, but it had to happen sooner or later.

    • CPRM

      Call me when he beats the real single season home run record. So what if bonds did roids, he still hit that many. Anal beads steroids don’t make your swing mechanics better and it can’t melt steel beams!

      • MikeS

        Of course it doesn’t make your mechanics better. But it sure as fuck turns a deep fly-out into a homerun.

      • CatchTheCarp

        There were pitcher’s using during ‘roid era too, they were just outnumbered by position players.

      • straffinrun

        They’ll also keep you from missing plate appearances.

      • Mojeaux

        So what if Bonds did roids

        You forgot the asterisk.

        Bonds*

      • MikeS

        ☝🏻

        and Sosa* and McGuire*

      • CPRM

        I didn’t capitalize bonds, you did. I think you’re the one who warships roids. Chek The Mait.

      • rhywun

        Can steroids give me the slightest interest in baseball?

      • MikeS

        No, rhywun. They will not. Nor will they give me the slightest bit of interest in tennis or soccer.

      • CPRM

        I dunno, I might watch some Mutant League Soccer. With enough roids we could make it happen.

      • rhywun

        Touché.

        Let’s talk about how <insert band&gt sucks instead.

      • CPRM

        I quit paying any serious attention when the MLB players went on strike in the 90s. Get the steroids back in baseball and get the unions out.

    • whiz

      Pshaw, Judge only had 60 by game 154, same as Ruth. *

      /purist

      * Actually, the Yankees had a Game 155 in 1927 (there was a tie), in which Ruth did not hit a home run, so Judge did beat him in 155 games. (Maris only had 59 by Game 155.)

  15. PieInTheSky

    Word keeps annoying me, I am trying to write something and it underlines things saying “passive voice consider revising”. What is wrong with passive voice, it has its place

    Mornin glibbies

    • CPRM

      A passive sentence was written.

      • rhywun

        Something you did there was seen.

        I turn off “Check spelling” and “Check grammar” on most of my documents at work because they’re full of technobabble + I rite gud.

        I need the spell checker here.

    • Mojeaux

      You can change the settings for that, you know. No more green squiggles.

    • CPRM

      What is wrong with passive voice, it has its place

      Police reports couldn’t be written without it.

    • PieInTheSky

      Also it does not seem to like it if I start a sentence with and or but.

      • rhywun

        What’s Romanian for “Clippy”? 📎

      • Ownbestenemy

        However you should never start a sentence with a preposition or conjuction. Don’t you Schoolhouse Rock?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Word can’t distinguish topic or audience or tone. When I was on a policy re-write for the FAA everyone was so focused on the green squiggles. Does it read correctly? Can the intended audience determine the message? Is it on topic?

      • rhywun

        Ugh I’m getting pulled into a lot of meetings full of niggling discussions around User Interface.

        “It has to shrink to two columns on mobile blah blah blah…”

        I’m a back-end developer – I couldn’t care less about that stuff. Get your shit together so I can start adding the actual functionality already.

      • Ownbestenemy

        On of the better scenes of Silicon Valley was when they beta tested their app and all the software engineers loved it but the general public was lost.

      • rhywun

        I kid – I do aim to please the user. One of my favorite sites back in the day was a gallery of misbegotten application design.

        But I’m grateful there is a team I work with who actually focuses on that stuff so I don’t have to.

      • PieInTheSky

        the audience is kind of slow witted, to be fair

  16. CPRM

    I’m watching Rob Zombie’s ‘The Munsters’. Rob said they wouldn’t let him shoot it in black and white, so he went the opposite and over color corrected. I actually think if one were to take the film and put it in black and white and process all the audio down an octave it could work. Everyone’s voice is too high and it is blasted with color as if color were sugar and the movie were breakfast cereal.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Why not black and white? Saturated colors aren’t any better.

      • CPRM

        Why not black and white?

        Becuz that b 4 boomers, yo.

  17. CPRM

    By the way, the front page image is a Hairy Potter, get it!?

    • Rat on a train

      Happy midweek.

      • UnCivilServant

        I gotta go into the office today 🙁

      • Sean

        *sad trombone*

      • UnCivilServant

        Anything interesting in your neck of the woods?

      • Rat on a train

        Spotsylvania supervisors approve Kalahari loan deal

        The total estimated value of those incentives for Kalahari amount to $41,639,587 the first year and $185,234,273 over the life of the 20-year agreement. The county would take in $83,596,100 in tax revenue during the 20-year span, according to the agreement.
        The gap loan will allow the county and state to split the cost three ways. The state and county portions will come from the resort’s sales taxes. The county’s estimated cost for its contribution for the gap loan would amount to $74.8 million over 20 years.

        We won against a stadium deal but lost to a water park.

        Matt Strickland, who owns Gourmeltz restaurant, said the county gave up its leverage with such a prime location and that no matter how it’s phrased, the county has agreed to give Kalahari tax revenue, which is “people’s money,” not Kalahari’s.

        Eat at Gourmeltz.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        But who doesn’t love a taxpayer funded overcrowded urine saturated water park? Fork over the moolah, serf.

      • Rat on a train

        There is a water park at King’s Dominion 20 minutes away.

      • Rat on a train

        As people spread south from DC and take over the board it has increasingly wanted to make the county a destination. We will never be able to compete with Washington and Richmond only an hour away.

      • Fourscore

        Sometimes you just get lucky.

    • Sean

      *waves*

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Performative robbery. The world is getting stupider.

    • Shiny Nerfherder

      Thank you for that. I needed that little bit of insanity this morning.

    • Grosspatzer

      LOL. A co-worker asked yesterday if I would be returning to the office. I pointed out that $employer is still requiring vaccine attestation, so no. And if/when that requirement is lifted? Still a hard pass.

      • UnCivilServant

        “A attest that I am free from toxic, mRNA carrying nanoparticles and rampant spike proteins. I however, refuse to be exposed to carriers of these toxins.”

  18. UnCivilServant

    Time to commute, see you guys when I get to the office.

  19. Gender Traitor

    Good morning, U (wherever U are,) Sean, Stinky, and RoaT!

    Finally slogged my way through the last of the September Board meeting video and sent the draft of the minutes off to my boss to review (since the vast majority of the content was from him.) I’d just barely kept it to three pages using narrow margins and smaller gaps between paragraphs, so when he inevitably added stuff, he was shamed into shrinking the font so it wouldn’t go onto a fourth page. 😁

    He’s working from home today, and I don’t have much else to do for month end, so I don’t know what I’ll be doing today…besides occasionally snarking here.

    • UnCivilServant

      Well, now I’m at my desk, staring at the strangest reply-all storm I’ve ever seen. There is no sign how most of the people complaining about getting the email even got it. I can’t see how the original message or the replies got to me. My first thought was someone accidentally BCCed a group, but then the replies wouldn’t be reaching me. So I’m a bit confused.

      • Gender Traitor

        It’s a virus! The dreaded Replyall virus! Your only hope is to triple-mask, quadruple-vax, dump your computer – CPU, monitor, keyboard, and mouse – into a vat of boiling oil and run screaming from the building! 😱

      • Grosspatzer

        I hear Creantix is effective against this virus.

      • UnCivilServant

        That would be an off-label use for which it has not been approved

      • UnCivilServant

        Where am I going to find a vat of oil, boiling or not?

      • Gender Traitor

        Maybe the Governess keeps one in her office for…ummm… “leverage” during high-level negotiations?

      • Grosspatzer

        Mornin’, U. Must be Russians.

        Today is Yom Kippur, so my Tel-Aviv peeps won’t be working. And this is my week on the on-call rotation. Should be a fun day.

  20. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! How’s it going? Or is it already gone? (No, I won’t subject you to The Eagles this early in the day! Something something not enough coffee in the world…)

      • Gender Traitor

        ::rocks out!!! 🎸🥁🎤🤘🏼::

      • UnCivilServant

        Checken leg, 11:05, remote, shop teacher.

        I don’t get it.

  21. Fourscore

    Good morning to all the Early Birds. Maybe I’m the Late Bird ? Anyway, good to see all those up and about.
    Last nice day for awhile, getting deeper into seasonal transition. Peak colors and then the leaves fall off…

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, 4(20)! As a wizard with bees and honey, you are never late!

      • UnCivilServant

        That answer was wrong when it was written and is still wrong today. Quite frankly, it’s rude, and made me want to kick his scrawny wizard ass.

      • Gender Traitor

        Yeah, I think you could take him…as long as he didn’t have his staff.

      • UnCivilServant

        The effort of beating up a fictional character is a bit much. Though the prerequisite technology of being able to cross the barriers into fictional realms might be worth something…

      • Rat on a train

        Bring guns to their knife sword fights.

      • Gender Traitor

        There’s an entire series of books based on that premise, I read a few of them several years ago and enjoyed them well enough, but then got frustrated with something the author did (or failed to do) and stopped.

      • UnCivilServant

        When a concept crosses my mind I deliberately do not read other works using that concept, to avoid being influence by it (and because I’ll be telling the author off for using the idea wrong).

        Admittedly this is a concept that has been around far longer than either myself or the series you reference.

      • UnCivilServant

        Hrmmm…

        I had an idea, but I’ve got to work how how the mechanics of it even work. I don’t think I want to drop it in the comments though. I might send an email.

      • Gender Traitor

        👍🏼👍🏼

    • Grosspatzer

      Mornin’. Not a whole lot of color here yet, looking forward to it. Enjoy.

  22. slumbrew

    I have come to realize the the true holder of the title of She Who Must Be Obeyed is, in fact, the dog.

    Off for a walk.

    • Gender Traitor

      She has ways of getting even if she doesn’t get her way.

      Good morning, slummy!

      • slumbrew

        ‘morning, GT

    • Rat on a train

      The cats let me live in their house.

      • slumbrew

        I think they go with the “I poop in in, I own it” rule.

      • Gender Traitor

        By that logic, our Big Dumb Cat now owns the bathtub. Which is why we now have to keep the bathroom door closed all the time. 🙄🐱

    • slumbrew

      Brief walk, as it is dumping rain and she’s a dainty lady, even with the jacket on.

      We’ll try again later, no doubt.

  23. Grosspatzer

    Be afraid. Be very afraid.

    https://www.foxnews.com/media/media-worries-elon-musk-closes-deal-buy-twitter-afraid-actually-afraid

    No functional alternatives available, this is it: a complete destruction of the global public square. Been nice y’all,” BBC journalist Dickens Olewe wrote.

    Say what?

    PoliticusUSA head Sarah Reese Jones wrote, “Before 2020, Facebook deplatformed progressives, then it came for mainstream media and elevated only radicalized conservatives.

    ??? I had no idea Facebook was part of a vast far-right conspiracy.

    • Rat on a train

      You are either all in or an enemy.

    • Shiny Nerfherder

      Progs are nothing if not drama queens.

      They can’t see the very real physical risks staring them in the face like war with Russia or economic collapse, but they freak out about the smallest threat to their intellectual hegemony.

      • Rat on a train

        They could be exposed to unapproved ideas that threaten their narrative.