Suggestions for a Well Dressed Orphan: Part IV

by | Oct 22, 2022 | I Am Lame | 74 comments

As is tradition on Glibertarians, We out together a small list of libertarian Halloween costumes… For those of us comfortable enough to go outside and be social enough with your neighbors and accept candy from them.

This is my review of Epic Brewing Imperial Pumpkin Porter:

 

Leading off:  “Seed Oil Conspiracist”

I would say it is also handy for the next one but I don’t think that’s the black sun symbol…

Next up:  “Ukrainian Freedom Fighter

They are what they are. Right Z?

On Deck:  “Senator”

“Hey. Guys….guys. You guys!”

In the Hole:  “Classically Trained Musician”

As if one can’t be a genuinely talented flautist worthy of Madison’s vision, and still be an obscenely corpulent whore at the same time.  Nuance is dead.

Available in the bullpen:  “Political Prisoner”

Any excuse to use this photo will do.

Batting Clean Up:  “Queen of the Underworld”

I was expecting to have to break out the alarm for yet another white girl beer but that would be an insult to white girls.  After all I’m married to one so they can’t be all that bad.  This one reminds me of a barrel aged pumpkin porter I reviewed a few years back, but it isn’t as whiskey heavy.  In fact its not very whiskey heavy at all, and I’m not sure classifying it as a porter is appropriate because it is definitely in the stout category in terms of body.  Which was nice in that I didn’t wake up with the whiskey hangover I tend to have after drinking such varieties.  The following morning it was definitely the whiskey I chased it with, so you might say this beer is an enabler.  All in all, its one I will most definitely buy again. Epic Brewing Imperial Pumpkin Porter: 4.2/5

About The Author

mexican sharpshooter

mexican sharpshooter

WARNING: Glibertarians.com contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. https://youtu.be/qiAyX9q4GIQ?t=2m22s

74 Comments

  1. The Late P Brooks

    An inauspicious beginning for Iowa.

    • hayeksplosives

      I’m waiting for the Ok State v Texas game, but I’ll be out with friends so I will only be able to take furtive glances at my phone.

    • Not an Economist

      So at the beginning of 4th quarter, Iowa still has more first downs than turnovers so there is at least one positive for the offense today.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    Any excuse to use this photo will do.

    Cables were fixed?

  3. Count Potato

    “Available in the bullpen: “Political Prisoner””

    Pretty sure she’s not his type.

    • Chafed

      I have no idea who he is. She looks like that crazy congresswoman.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Yes

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Marjorie Taylor Green isn’t into incarcerated MAGA bros?

      • Count Potato

        Brandon Straka is gay.

  4. Count Potato

    “All in all, its one I will most definitely buy again.”

    Does it come in regular 12 X 6?

    • mexican sharpshooter

      I only find this brand in bombers.

  5. hayeksplosives

    Aww, it might be a little too soon for Zombie Queen.

    (Sniffs the 99% British dna girl)

    • Gender Traitor

      Inorite?? Everyone knows Lilibet was descended from a werewolf!

  6. hayeksplosives

    I’m in a swank hotel in San Diego with a Bloody Mary in front of me. Unfortunately, it came supplied with a loathsome paper straw that is almost unusable.

    Fuck you, California politicians. You ruined a beautiful place.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Yes, paper straws are awful. The biodegradable “plastic” ones are almost as bad.

      I bought a box of real straws and keep a bunch in my glovebox. Guess I’ll need to do the same with my suitcase.

    • C. Anacreon

      Just returned from a 3-day conference in a downtown San Diego hotel yesterday, and had the same experience while there. The bogus straws were even in the SD Airport bar.

      If only that 4th grader had done a different science fair project, we’d still have usable straws.

    • Homple

      When I grew up, all straws were paper and they worked for drinking things like thick malted milks. Have they forgotten how to make paper suitable for straws?

      • kinnath

        Yes, they have forgotten

      • Chafed

        I remember those straws but I also remember them disintegrating.

    • juris imprudent

      Fuck you, California politicians. You ruined a beautiful place.

      “Just wait ’til I get started! Now, where was I?”

    • mexican sharpshooter

      You could always do what my mom does when she travels: bring a stainless steel straw everywhere you go.

      It also doubles as a handy stabbing tool.

  7. Mojeaux

    Okay, my medical coding sabbatical ends 11/4 and my next assignment is due 11/9. I will admit this last test intimidated the bejeebers out of me, but now my life drama is over and I have no excuse to get back to it.

    • Gender Traitor

      …my life drama is over..

      ::spits between fingers and frantically DDGs other methods of dispelling bad luck:: Sssssssh! Be careful what you say! From your mouth to God’s ears!! 😳

    • Ted S.

      What’s the ICD-10 code for having the bejeebers intimidated out of you?

      • Mojeaux

        I’ll have to look that up. They have a code for everything.

  8. R.J.

    The Fetterman costume idea is inspired.

    • R.J.

      You could have an orphan dressed as Lump follow you dressed as Fetterman,.

  9. Yusef drives a Kia

    Pumpkin ruins Porter in 3,2,1…..

  10. CPRM

    Dammit! The cartoon I just made, has me reading everything in rhyme. Habit this baffoon can’t break, Please be fleeting and leaving me in time.

    • MikeS

      The cartoon I just made

      /goes to YouTube

      I don’t believe you

    • Grosspatzer

      Thanks, that was fantastic! Really hits home for me; I for my first programming gig in 1984 and it has been a great ride through mainframes, Windows, several flavors of Unix, Linux, Vax, and now into the cloud. I am getting too old to keep up with the constant changes, but it has been a great trip.

  11. dbleagle

    Your freedom fighter’s tatts are confusing. On his right shoulder he has the divisional insignia of the 36th Waffen Grenadier SS Division aka Dirlewanger which was composed of criminally convicted Germans. It was such a piece of shit grouping of war criminals that even the Waffen SS didn’t want it anywhere near them. * It also never fought in the Ukraine. I would think the “freedom fighter” would have a tatt of the 14th or 30th Waffen Grenadier SS Divisions. The 14th was Ukrainian (less most officers) and the 30th was primarily Ukranian and Belorussian. But I am not wise in the ways of Ukranian Freedom Fighters.

    *When I say the 36th was too much of a piece of shit for the NSDAP I am serious. Dirlewanger was a convicted sex offender and a probable psychotic who was considered by many in the SS to be “the most evil man in the SS.” When you beat out Himmler, Heydrich, Hoess, Stangel, etc etc etc. you are pretty evil. The makeup of the unit was exclusively by convicted serious criminals who under German law could not possess arms- hence were ineligible to be drafted during a World War. The unit was known for two things, massacring civilians and getting their asses kicked by any actual Soviet unit they faced. Their one combat success was being part of the suppression of the Warsaw Uprising, and even there the unit’s conduct had the SS commander of the operation try to bring charges against Dirlewanger and the unit for brutality.

    • Brochettaward

      So, there was a level of brutality that made a SS commander feel shame?

    • EvilSheldon

      That is why. Hardcore neo-Nazis tend to be real big on deviancy and criminality. The idea of being too vicious and insane for the regular SS is just getting his little pecker hard.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Yeah, if he’s a Nazi, the Tokarevs on his chest make no sense.

  12. Sean

    Went shopping at Wegmans today. They no longer use plastic bags at the check out. Virtually everything I bought was packaged in plastic .

    How much of a difference are they actually making?

    • R C Dean

      By the metric they care about – smug condescension- it’s a big success.

      • Chafed

        Lol. So true.

  13. Semi-Spartan Dad

    I had to fill the tractor with diesel today. The country boy next to me was watching the numbers tick up and said it’s bullshit that we’re spending so much money over there while people are hurting here at home. I used Suthen’s line that war used to be about looting your enemy, but DC now uses it just to loot the American taxpayers. Country boy said damn right.

    The surprise came when the guy on the other side of the pump in a Ford Flex jumped in to say “they think we’re stupid, but we’re not”. Flyover country ain’t buying into this shit.

    • Shiny Nerfherder

      Looting the American Treasury is what it’s all about. Gotta go where the dollah bills are, and they ain’t in Ukraine until we send them there.

    • juris imprudent

      They do seem intent on jamming it down our throats to their last breath. They may end up surprised about that last breath (coming sooner than expected).

    • Brochettaward

      Whether we are or aren’t as stupid as they may or may not believe, they are still having their way with us, aren’t they?

      • Suthenboy

        Three years into the dreaded Trump admin we had energy independence and gasoline in my area was $1.80 per gallon. I think I am ready to start sticking up leftists for my gas and electric bills.

    • Suthenboy

      While I have a moment …

      I spent most of yesterday afternoon putting out a wildfire armed with a shovel. All hands on deck…fire depts from 20 miles in every directions, DA’s office, Sheriff’s office, all of the neighbors….everyone was at it. After the drama was over one of the neighbors and I were walking out and he said to me “That is three times now I have had to put a fire out a fire on (property owner’s) place.That sent up a big red flag to me. “Oh? Three times? Haven’t you heard? Once, accident. Twice, coincidence. Three times? That is enemy action.”
      I think there is a firebug adjacent to me.

      Silver lining: The smoke stirred up a beehive I have been looking for the last two years. I will soon relocate them to a safer, more proper home.
      Not so silver lining: One of the firemen was blasting away with his hose and offended a hive of Yellowjackets. They lit his ass up pretty badly.

      In other news : My wife sometimes dislikes my snark. She thinks I am too cynical. She is binge-watching Dark Shadows…the original. They have just introduced a werewolf character. I said “I wish we had a werewolf. That could be a lot of fun.”
      She replied “what? are y ou nuts? It is a monster!”
      Me – ” Nah. Just keep some rawhide chews in your pocket. If he starts acting up just yank one out and wave it around. ‘Here boy, here boy’ and give it a toss. Oh, and keep a squeaky toy handy. It is too easy to put their fire out.”

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Odd. Only last week’s come up for me.

  14. DEG

    Leading off: “Seed Oil Conspiracist”

    I wouldn’t be able to pull off that costume. On the other hand, I’d like the model’s phone number.

    Batting Clean Up: “Queen of the Underworld”

    I chuckled.

    This one reminds me of a barrel aged pumpkin porter I reviewed a few years back, but it isn’t as whiskey heavy. In fact its not very whiskey heavy at all, and I’m not sure classifying it as a porter is appropriate because it is definitely in the stout category in terms of body. Which was nice in that I didn’t wake up with the whiskey hangover I tend to have after drinking such varieties. The following morning it was definitely the whiskey I chased it with, so you might say this beer is an enabler. All in all, its one I will most definitely buy again. Epic Brewing Imperial Pumpkin Porter: 4.2/5

    Sounds tasty.

    • R C Dean

      Seed Oil Conspiracist‘s thighs frighten me. In a good way. I think.

      • R.J.

        Deg’s the man!

      • mexican sharpshooter

        lol

  15. DEG

    Time for some yard work before the Sun goes down.

    • R C Dean

      Now that’s an obscure euphemism.

    • Suthenboy

      Joe doesn’t know what day of the week it is. Give him a puddin’ cup and sit him in the corner.

  16. Brochettaward

    You, too, shall First, Glibertariat, when The First That Shall Change Everything arrives.

  17. Chafed

    MS after all the crappy beers you have consumed for our benefit, I’m glad you got to enjoy one.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Meh, they all get me drunk if I drink enough of them.

  18. Aloysious

    I am almost ashamed of myself.

    I laughed way too hard at the Fetterman picture.

    • R.J.

      That picture is perfect!

  19. Lord Humungus

    Are we – including myself – too drunk for PM links?

    no one but a small scattering of people want to know!

    • DEG

      I’m not drunk. I’m heading out for dinner. So… I don’t care if links run or not.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      *hands Lord Humungus a humungous beer*

      • Lord Humungus

        whhoooooo /Rick Flair voice

    • Timeloose

      Raises hand. Went to the beer bar and came home for some fall porch drinking, music, and food.

    • R.J.

      I am attending a Halloween party. If all goes well I will remain out of pocket. If not….
      See you guys in a few hours.