The opening bars of a classic Motown tune, overlayed with polite applause and laughter, announced the arrival.
Hunter appeared in the real Oval Office, dressed uncharacteristically in khakis and a polo shirt, with a preschooler in tow. The little girl was wearing a jersey dress, crocs, and a hairband. Her forehead was unnaturally large.
“Hello, Finnegan,” said the child.
Finnegan started and turned and looked at the girl, then at Hunter with a mixture of revulsion and disbelief.
“No. What the fuck? Who let you…”
“Finnegan, say hello to your little sister. I’m trying to get my child support payments reduced, so I’m demonstrating responsibility and involvement.”
“I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
“We’re starting an image rehabilitation campaign for father,” said the girl. “‘The View’ will eat that up, since I’m so telegenic. And they’ll know better than to whine about off-limits questions.”
Finnegan shuddered. There was something not right about the child.
“Yeah, that crypto-bro podcast fiasco was all on me,” said Hunter sheepishly.
“Wait, how do you know about all that?”
“I know lots of things,” said the girl matter-of-factly.
“Sharp as a tack, this one,” said Hunter proudly, smirking at Finnegan.
“So do you go by ‘Navy,’ or ‘Joan?’”
“My name is ‘Enjay.’”
The door to the Presidential Shitter opened, and Joe emerged in a halting gait with a big grin on his face. A long streamer of toilet paper stuck to his shoe followed him, giving him the appearance of a poop zombie. Finnegan managed to step just behind his heel and dislodge and retrieve the rogue paper product.
“Ashley,” he cried, clomping towards Enjay, extending his arms as if in preparation for a hug.
Enjay turned towards the shambling old man, her bright blue eyes glowing unnaturally.
Joe halted and dropped his arms to his side. A wave of clarity overtook his thoughts, and his expression changed to one of comprehension and horror at would happen to him if he touched the little trick-baby abomination who was his youngest granddaughter.
“Hello, Grandfather.”
SugarFree is under the weather today and asked me to fill-in, which I am always honored to do. I wish him a speedy recovery and look forward to his return. And here’s that classic Motown tune for you to listen to while you comment. -Tonio
Has a “dune” feeling here
feeling? Its pretty much a straight quote.
Yes, I completely stole that. It’s what you do when you’re a hack writer and have a tight deadline.
Many many years since I read it.
So, Hunter was high on Spice when he poked that particular stripper?
He got a SpicemustFlowwww job.
Doing a line of spice off a bene gesserit stripper’s ass is how I want to become the God-Emperor.
Time wasn’t the only thing that dilated.
A fine job in a quick timeline. Yay Tonio!
**wild applause for the Dune reference**
I hear that “hello grandfather” as spoken by St. Alia-of-the-Knife.
As you should.
Alicia Witt’s very first role.
GottDAMN but this place is an echo chamber sometimes.
I think I told my Dune story before. I had a roommate, and I saw he had a copy of Dune, and I commented that I basically had it memorized. We created the Dune game, read a line from the book and give the next line. I was good, about 90%+. He was insane, he flat out had it memorized. He also may have had an eidetic memory.
Yes, it is.
yes, it is.
is… is… is…
…
The sound seems to reverberate from all of the walls, making it difficult even to think.
I just got out of the morning meetings. At best I can react to other comments.
reference
“I know lots of things,” said the girl matter-of-factly.
That would have me scoping out the nearest exit.
Bravo, Tonio, for filling in so magnificently, yet without inducing nausea! SF, hope you feel better ASAP.
Bad Seed indeed!
I’ve never read that but it came up recently in one of the Zooms (thanks, Mojeaux). I was thinking about that when I was reworking my concept into a short-short.
Well done, thank you!
I see several places mentioning Trump “throwing his hair into the ring”. Wonder how many lurkers we have? In any event, Trump continues to keep our Glib writers going.
I was going to accuse you guys of working for some of those places.
I definitely troll Twitter and other boards sometimes.
I love trolling TOS, but of course they do not dare respond out of fear of SF coming back there, lol.
Too short.
Thanks. Yeah, but let’s just say this is a teaser for things to come. SF (may Asclepius smile upon him) has been gracious enough to open his universe to other writers.
I see. Spin off series.
No, I’m not up for a series, even an intermittent one. But Sug needs the occasional fill-in, and I sometimes crank out the odd story on my own.
Odd. In the SF-verse, I’m not sure that this is the proper description.
Oddly mild, maybe?
SugarFree is under the weather today and asked me to fill-in
That explains the lack of nausea.
SugarFree read some of his old material, which explains why he is under the weather.
He was kept up all night by two … companions… who were celebrating a big announcement.
The three of them doing lines of rogaine?
And gang-banging a grapefruit.
Joe halted and dropped his arms to his side. A wave of clarity overtook his thoughts, and his expression changed to one of comprehension and horror at would happen to him if he touched the little trick-baby abomination who was his youngest granddaughter.
Dark Brandon has met his match.
I wish him a speedy recovery and look forward to his return.
Seconded.
Less disgusting bur far creepier,
Bravo Tonio!
From the dead thread, but I was not around this morning.
“Bang, zoom, straight to the moon.” Or at least around it. We’re almost back to where we were 50 years ago. .”
Only a government agency could brag about that.
Except not even close to that really.
Don’t f*cking get me started. I was supposed to be enjoying my lunar retirement about now. Lunar golf, human-powered indoor flight like in Heinlein’s “The Menace from Earth,” yelling at the kids over the radio to get off my regolith…
Don’t forget killing earthbound commies with big rocks.
All the more reason not to let malcontents settle the moon. And to keep them surrounded with psychotic killsats just in case.
Vacation space stations, a space elevator, plenty of redheads, but strangely still using computers that can only take binary.
You see, the more advanced computers are a crutch, they cripple the minds and prevent our glorious futures!
The computer from “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress” would be an excellent cryptid.
Mike Smith doesn’t have the alliteration required.
/waits for AI to get to the level of Biden or Fetterman so it can run for office.
Why would someone make a stupider AI?
Also a Dune reference!
And you’re related to all those red-heads.
1972? Can we pick and choose a few things? I think there might be a few things worthwhile there, unfortunately we got the 70’s economy instead.
Music for sure. More freedom and less government in just about every way. Except for the fucked up economy, it was better in just about every way. And economy wise, I think it is worse now.
You could buy a 800 sq ft house in Okeevilles OK for less than half a million?
Nah, the 1970’s were the apogee of “they don’t make things like they used to.” Today it’s “they don’t make things like they used to thank God!”
Muscle cars.
I would not turn down another ram air Firebird.
THUNDER CHICKEN! UNITE!!
They certainly looked better up till 1972. After that there was a steep down turn along with performance. A Honda Acord is faster today than 90% of all muscle cars were in the 1960’s. Today’s cars all look like shit for the most part however.
Disagree.
I like the look of several new cars, but in general due to safety they tend to have similar lines. High belt line, thick pillars, bigger and heavier.
I have a bad habit of using absolutes when writing,
Last year before emission standards killed all the muscle cars.
No one knows how or why man first landed on the moon, but our “fungineers” think it might have gone something like this…
Do YOU have a fungineering degree?
Maybe OT, maybe not OT: Steve Scalise as majority leader
The House Republican conference on Tuesday (Nov. 15) elected Minority Whip Steve Scalise (R-La.) to serve as majority leader when the next session of Congress begins in January.
“I’ve served as the Whip now for the last eight years and it’s been a great honor, but ready to retire that title,” Scalise told Fox 8 before the leadership vote.
Republicans met behind closed doors Monday night to discuss who would lead their caucus.
“Last night, we had a candidate forum for all of the leadership positions, and no one announced to run against me for majority leader,” Scalise said. “But we had a really good conversation and I laid out my vision for what I want to see the House do in a Republican majority.”
You are well past the 30-minute mark, so have at it.
Man I’m so curious what that vision is. Shaking their fists at that sky maybe?
1. Go along with everything the dems want.
2. Do nothing.
3. How about some good warmongering in Ukraine?
Shoot themselves in the foot.
That could be number 4 on Hyperion’s list.
Except for getting shot up at a baseball game, I don’t know anything about the guy.
Forgive me if I dont hold my breath.
I need to see at least three impeachments or this house is a failure.
Do I need to quote Turtlehead saying that every dem president from this point on will be impeached?
Do I need to mention that Turtlehead is a useless bag of hot air?
Well there’s not much else they can do so impeach away i guess.
I don’t want them doing anything else.
Investigate the shit out of the swamp’s shenanigans over the last few years. Sure, nothing will come of it but at least some voters might be paying attention.
A wave of clarity overtook his thoughts, and his expression changed to one of comprehension and horror at would happen to him if he touched the little trick-baby abomination who was his youngest granddaughter.
“Trick-baby abomination” is the name of my new band.
GREAT fill-in, Tonio. I hope Enjay is a recurring character!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNmWxXEa9JE
Wow.
Nice work, B.P.!
Ha. I used to see them now and then back in the 90s.
Can’t wait for her brother to show up, the Quisatz Hadarockortwoonthewayover
Nice!
1972? Can we pick and choose a few things?
Guns on airplanes.
https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/ukraine-hails-chinas-opposition-nuclear-threats-2022-11-15/
So are we declaring war on the Ukraine after the shot up Poland?
IOW, the latest US attempt to escalate this clusterfuck?
Even if Russia had done it, it was clearly an accident anyway. No one woulda done dick.
Dude, they took out two farmers and a grain silo. Maybe a tractor.
Clearly a strategic first strike.
This is so fucking stupid.
It was a damn fine year for music.
https://www.pastemagazine.com/music/best-albums-of-1972/#6-big-star-1-record
Ziggy too low.
Yes.
1. Ziggy
2. Big Star
3. Pink Moon
Led Zepplin IV– Symbols — Zoso — “The album everyone had”
came out in Nov of 71, so it was a big part of ’72 as well.
Good one.
This idea that any decade didn’t have amazing music is so stupid.
No Sloppy Seconds on that list it can be ignored.
Let’s not forget that timeless classic that came out in November 1971. :: grins sheepishly ::
War Solved: United States Puts Up Gun-Free Zone Sign In Ukraine
At publishing time, fighting resumed after a Ukrainian tank inadvertently shot a tank round through the word “free.”
Katie Hobbs Projected To Win Arizona Governor’s Race With 108% Of Precincts Reporting
Republicans have been roundly condemned for denying an election that was 8% more democratic than the last election.
Brandon is now pro-gun.
Joe Biden lusts over Russian man:
Biden: “His biceps are as big as my calves. Look at this. There’s a man. I hope we’re on the same side.”
“Sir, he’s Russian.”
Biden: “I don’t care who he is. He’s got some real biceps. We call them guns.”
Well at least it’s not a little girl.
I thought that was gonna be a Bee link.
Stupidest timeline.
If I don’t click, I can keep on believing this is made up.
President Michael Scott strikes again.
What in the ever-loving hell.
PS. Show the Russian, please.
I must break you.
https://www.fansedge.com/en/ivan_drago_rocky_iv_10.5_x_13_sublimated_plaque/t-2300618960+o-8911098928+d-35942+f-2979934+z-9-2073771103?_s=csefe12-pla-id&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI0oDu57-z-wIV4-vjBx05wA6XEAQYAiABEgL37_D_BwE&sku=17759559&targetid=targetid&utm_medium=cse%3Futm_medium%3Dcse
Here.
OMG Joe got handsy too? LOL
Another pic.
Dude is swole
It occurs to me that when I think about Dune in general, I mostly think about books 2 and 3. Maybe because that is the longest (word-countwise) period of the story?
What the fuck is Poso smoking?>
Question for those who might know – what is illuminating the target? Is he being tagged or does he have something like IR light on?
Ukrainian sniper kills Russian soldier in near-record-breaking shot
Plus it’s Ukraine so this could have been done at the same sight as the moon landings…
“…Ukrainian military claims …”
I think the answer lies in there.
Time of flight for 1.68 miles? Probably >3 seconds, so about right, but no way to confirm any sort of hit from that video.
Depends on the cartridge which is not mentioned.
700 yards – 7.62×39 about 2 seconds
Same target and range – 8×57 Mauser around 1 second
Same target and range – 7mm Rem Mag…holy shit.
Those are my offhand observations…in other words I pulled them out of my ass but they are roughly accurate.
I used a mile in about 2 seconds for most guns that can shoot that far.
Ghost Pilot 2.0
Probably looking through a thermal site and seeing heat signature. As the commenters in the link point out, it is an improbable story due to flight time of the bullet. Also hard to believe he had line of sight at that distance in that terrain.
Could be any light source, not just an IR light. Noticed flashes at the end of the video like flame. Maybe cigarette or knocked over a concealed fire? Maybe using flashlight to look for something?
Assuming it’s real of course.
Dig the body language.
Poor Justin.
https://cdn.thetealmango.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Emotinal-Damage.gif
LOL. Xi a brutal dictator, but it pleases me to see him smacking down his wannabe imitator.
Tonio – excellent work, although as several people alluded to above, I wasted the anti-emetics I took in preparation for a SF story.
Tundra – saw the shoutout a few days ago after going back to a dead thread. Thx, hope you’re well. And if you’re following the Vikes, you’re doing better than the locals in your new area.
Yeah, it’s nice to pick and choose. Vikings and Avs not a bad combo!
I am very well, thanks. And looking forward to your new feature! SNP is still one of my faves!
OBEY
On Tuesday (Nov. 15), the New York Federal Reserve announced a 12-week pilot program in partnership with several large commercial banks to test the feasibility of a central bank digital currency (CBDC).
The “proof of concept” program will test an “interoperable digital money platform” on a regulated liability network (RLN) for “technical feasibility, legal viability, and business applicability of distributed ledger technology,” according to a press release.
——-
At the root of the move toward government digital currency is “the war on cash.” The elimination of cash creates the potential for the government to track and even control consumer spending, and it would make it even easier for central banks to engage in manipulative monetary policies such as negative interest rates.
Imagine if there was no cash. It would be impossible to hide even the smallest transaction from government eyes. Something as simple as your morning trip to Starbucks wouldn’t be a secret from government officials. As Bloomberg put it in an article published when China launched its digital yuan pilot program, digital currency “offers China’s authorities a degree of control never possible with physical money.”
The government could even “turn off” an individual’s ability to make purchases. Bloomberg described just how much control a digital currency could give Chinese officials.
If you have nothing to hide, et c.
Chinese officials will use this as a method of forced compliance. But not Americans. Definitely not Americans.
If cash becomes illegal, there will be a black market for it. But what form will “cash” take then?
Ammo!
And when “they” block the digital currency from purchasing ammo, and you have to buy ammo with… ?
/not being facetious, just thinking this through
Whiskey?
And there’s the flip side, too… “Mr Plisade, we see you haven’t yet purchased our latest clot shot. You can expect a visit soon.”
Digital currency is going to become the greatest tool for tyranny the world has ever known. They are openly developing them with the ability to do exactly what you’re suggesting. They will be able to cut you off from buying whatever they want and “reward” you by allocating the money you already have in your account to little treats, provided nothing bad shows up on your social credit score.
For the first time ever, the black market and everything else will be truly and completely separate. You won’t be able to transfer Bitcoin to USDollarcoin without their permission since they can track the history of every single penny. If they don’t like where it came from they can just delete it. You won’t be able to convert your wages to an alternate currency. Imagine how hard it will be to build any resistance when the black market is completely cut off from all other economic interactions.
I went from seeing blockchain as our salvation and hope for freedom to seeing the dark side and how it will be used as the ultimate shackles. The shit stains running the world right now won’t be able to resist the temptations to use this ultimate tool for economic suppression and keep themselves in power permanently.
Isn’t the flip side of this that the government won’t be able to launder money anymore either?
No more 10% to the big guy?
Nah, you’ll be able to buy all the FTT you want.
They won’t need to launder it. They would control everything. Who’s going to stop them? If a “media outlet” reports it, shut them down. If they move said media outlet to servers the ocean, you just cutoff the money of anyone who visits it. If individuals used a VPN so you can’t tell what sites they visited? Cut off their money for that. Their ability to target and police every conceivable economic interaction and all information would be complete in a way that has never been imagined. The blockchain ledger sees and controls all.
Ammo has always been viable form of commerce.
Give me that and I won’t shoot you.
Free trade.
This is the part of prepping most people seem to forget.
They want to believe it won’t come to that, when, what they are prepping for is exactly the time that lead trumps gold.
Tide laundry detergent.
BRICS currency.
Anything to destroy individual autonomy.
Scary.
::checks current silver spot price::
Yup, horrifying.
https://www.hemmings.com/auction/1979-ford-custom-500-376142
Current bid at $13k. Could be yours!
“ The suspension was serviced last year and is unmodified.”
So it still handles like a shopping cart?
Speaking of which, I drove a 1990 Land Cruiser recently. Those things handle like dogshit.
I was nervous on the interstate with it and I don’t get nervous when driving.
Once you go back to 1970s, you get that wandering recirculating ball power steering that requires constant course correction. It’s just the worst. Not to mention the cars feel like they are going to tump over going around corners, and most of them effectively only drive one rear wheel, not both. I moss none of it.
My friend has one, different color, with 60K miles. Gonna list it at 18 K
Like a Chrysler Cordoba in the summertime.
No class.
R.J., apropos of nothing, I note that Trancers is available on Tubi:
https://tubitv.com/movies/463118/trancers?start=true
Thanks. It can go right after the big Thanksgiving special.
*Foreshadowing
/really hopes it’s not A Christmas Story
Absolutely not. It’s a beloved film in the Glib Community, starring a man whose name sounds like Lowdy Moddy Peeper.
My vote for Official Glibs Flick
Hulkamania 3?
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
*wonders why ‘The Who’ started playing*
“Put on the glasses”
You’re gonna have to fight me for about ten minutes first.
You got it! It’s ZARDOZ!
…
I keed! See you for Thanksgiving with “They Live” and a bonus selection of Thanksgiving horror movies to empty the house of overstaying guests.
The Love Boat: A Valentine Voyage?
I may show the one with Alice Cooper someday.
Question for those who might know – what is illuminating the target?
As I understand it, that only works with guided projectiles.
Or maybe somebody closer was just identifying his target for him.
Yeah, idk. What was that sparking at the end? I’m thinking nothing was painting whatever it was – it was an infrared heat signature of the thing itself. Maybe it wasn’t human, hence the sparks? Coulda just been target practice with an IR scope, shooting at something like an old MRE heat tab.
US officials toyed with the possibility of a digital dollar at the height of the pandemic. A Democratic proposal for stimulus payments in the wake of the coronavirus pandemic featured digital currency deposited into digital wallets.
You don’t say.
And when “they” block the digital currency from purchasing ammo, and you have to buy ammo with… ?
Welcome to Bartertown!
That seems where this is headed.
A word of caution, Tonio. I fear SF will start to have more illnesses when he reads today’s message. OTOH, he may see the accolades and get well in a hurry. Thanks for the article, I could still eat (slowly) after reading it. Good job
Why did I think my beer bread recipe had eggs in it?
Because you didn’t read it first?
Easiest beer bread recipe I know of uses self-rising flour, beer, and sugar (but I usually add salt). Just have to use the right beer to get a good flavor.
“Self-Rising” flour is just a mix of flour and baking powder. This recipe has those separate – no sugar. Flavor comes from the additives – cheddar, garlic, herbs, whatever – so there’s not much left of the beer taste.
See, I prefer being able to change the bread flavor by changing the beer. A nice dark Belgian is different, then a light wheat, which is different then a nut brown, or a Christmas spiced beer. I know you can just mix up your own “self-rising” flour, but making the recipe really simple helps people get comfortable making it.
There’s where we differ – the beer is an ingredient rather than the point. And I have more uses for regular four than self-rising, so it’s easier to just add the baking powder when it’s needed than have a whole separate container. Then again, I cook and bake fairly regularly (it’s expensive to foist it on others)
I have late meetings so I stopped by the grocery store in between, and make the list while commuting, so no reference materials.
Without a loaf pan, will it be beer buns?
If need be.
I plan to make sun-roasted tomato bread and make grilled spam and cheese with it.
Grilling just the spam, the whole sandwich, or both?
at the very least the sandwich, whether the spam get pre-grilled hasn’t been decided.
Isn’t the flip side of this that the government won’t be able to launder money anymore either?
No more 10% to the big guy?
They don’t really seem to care very much who knows about it now. It’s not like the IRS is going to audit the Inner Party.
The last G20?
Biden not planning to meet with Saudis or Turks. We’re losing both as partners.
https://youtu.be/I8msj9XzS1g
Guess he’ll just have to suck up to Klaus from now on.
*dozes off*
Going over the latest iteration of the architecture diagrams. The changes are all in the minutiae, but he’s going over the whole damn thing again.
starring a man whose name sounds like Lowdy Moddy Peeper.
Featuring fabulous breasts (but not, unfortunately, Sandahl Bergmann’s?
Oh, wait. That was a different one.
Elon should just change his Twitter handle to Emmanuel Goldstein
I wonder how hard it would be to write a bot called “Emmanuel Goldstein” that just copies everything Musk tweets
I came here expecting to experience revulsion from SugarFree. No SugarFree, but wonderfully revolting.