Twas a few days before Christmas and all through the site
…Not a thing was working, even Swiss Servator’s mouse
…The articles written and scheduled with care
…with high hopes STEVE SMITH WILL BE THERE.
…the commenters sat waiting with dread
…at the wonderful horrors within Sugarfree’s head
….and Swiss in his flannel gave the mouse one final tap
…gave up and decided on yet another night cap
…When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
…Swiss sprang from the basement to see what was the matter.
…Away to the gun rack he flew like a hound,
…Racked open the chamber and threw in two rounds
…The moon, on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
…Gave the lustre of oversize footprints below,
…When, his narrowing gaze should appear,
…But a 7 foot Sasquatch and a truck filled with cases of beer
….With an over/under Benelli so lively and quick,
…He knew in a moment it must be STEVE SMITH.
…More yappy than beagles the Alderman claimed,
… he hooted and hollered, insisting cops came
…”Now, tax cattle! Yes, you with the money!
…its mine now, not yours! 5% mor-a that pot full-o honey!
…The property you own is not yours to keep!
…I’ll take my cut now whilst everyone sleeps!
…As dry leaves that before the hate birds all fly,
…When they encounter the city folk, demanding the sky;
…So up to the house-top the hate birds they flew,
…With the truck full of beer, and STEVE SMITH too.
…And then, in a twinkling, Swiss heard on the roof
…The pounding and thudding of two ‘normous hoofs
…As Swiss drew in his head, and was turning around,
…off the porch STEVE SMITH came out with a bound.
…He wore only his fur, from his head to his foot,
…And his bare ass was all tarnished with ashes and soot
…A case of Rauchbier he had flung on his back,
…And he look’d like a peddler just opening his pack
…His eyes — black and dead, unblinking and glassy!
…His butt cheeks were clinching, as if they were gassy!
…His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
…And the beard of his chin covered white with the snow;
…a stump of a dead hiker he held tight in his teeth,
…the entrails encircled his feet like a wreath;
…He had a broad face and not much a midsection
…That left nothing to hide his enormous erection,
…He was stiff and straight, a right jolly ol’ elf,
….And laughed, when Swiss saw him, in spite of himself;
…A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
…Soon let Swiss know he had nothing to dread;
…He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
…And raped that politician, a corrupt, impertinent jerk,
…And laying his finger in a place making Swiss blush,
…And giving a nod, the Alderman’s chimney he rushed;
…STEVE SMITH threw the Alderman’s body and gave Swiss a whistle
…And away they all flew down the street of a thistle.
…But Swiss heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
…”HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, BY HAPPY — MEAN RAPE!”
I don’t know what was going on at Swiss’ house, but found a few of these at my door:
Similar flavor profile to the Tiramisu Stout I reviewed last week, except it has the added benefit of being aged in bourbon barrels for a few months. It works quite well, as espresso is one of those breakfast drinks it is socially acceptable to spike with liquor. Thick, dense, and finishes like whiskey. What’s not to like? Drink it to turn down the volume around your insufferable in-laws. Deschutes Black Butte Imperial Porter: 4.7/5
*wipes single tear* Bravo! Bravo!
Fantastic writing MS!
Gracci
*Applauds
Your too kind
Awwwwwww.
Thank you
Very cute. 😃
Benelli over/under? Excellent.
Similar flavor profile to the Tiramisu Stout I reviewed last week, except it has the added benefit of being aged in bourbon barrels for a few months. It works quite well, as espresso is one of those breakfast drinks it is socially acceptable to spike with liquor. Thick, dense, and finishes like whiskey. What’s not to like? Drink it to turn down the volume around your insufferable in-laws. Deschutes Black Butte Imperial Porter: 4.7/5
🙂
I’ve got a Plead the 5th S’mores expression in the fridge, as well as a local breweries Hot Chocolate with cocoa, marshmallows, and hot peppers.
Benelli over/under?
“In the original draft, it was a Mossberg. Several of us on the staff debated whether that was classy enough for Swiss, if Perazzi was to classy.
We all agreed however, the Wops can build a shotgun.” //Director’s Cut.
[Standing Ovation] and a damn fine choice of beer as well.
Fun story!
I love that beer.
I have a New Holland dragons milk stout chilling for dinner,
11% bourbon barrel aged, yum
Merry Kringle!
I picked up some Alaskan Amber the other day. Not bad, but more “floral” (I think that’s the term) hop taste than I would prefer.
Author! Author!
I’m not usually skeptical of posts but this one seems Seuss.
Bravo!
Merry Christmas, MS!
Merry Christmas!
I’ll have to look for that beer next week. Just brought Troegs Mad Elf and Sam Smiths winter ale this weekend. Looks like it’ll be a lot warmer for new years – already got my ticket for the local brewery new years party and buffet.
Mad Elf is wonderful. I’ve got two Belgian Christmas ales in the fridge, and several locals.
You have to pass it to find out what’s in it.
https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2022/12/23/dem-sen-coons-i-dont-know-exactly-what-was-in-omnibus-but-im-proud-to-support-it/
Helpful hints
Here are a few tips to warm up your car in cold weather without hurting the engine.
Firestone Complete Auto Care explains on its website that cars with modern fuel injection systems can be driven by simply starting the engine without the car warming up.
The auto service company notes that idling your engine could damage it while minimizing the car’s fuel efficiency, which is harmful to the environment due to fumes emitted from the engine that pollutes the air.
Firestone says drivers should bundle up, start their car without idling, and drive when it’s cold. Allowing your car to idle in the winter is bad for the engine, and it costs a lot of money to repair. Citing a 2009 study, Firestone notes that Americans waste $5.9 billion a year on gas while idling.
“Could damage your engine”
How? Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that. Take our word for it. I remember when people used to say it was bad to drive a cold engine.
*i have never been a warmer-upper. Even with all my carbureted cars with the choke wired open, as soon as the plugs are hot enough to ignite the fuel, I’m off.
Internal combustion engines have a normal/safe operating temperature, hence the need for cooling components. Hence there is a need to warm it by idling before driving, but mainly when it is cold out. You’ll note that it regulates it’s throttle while cold for this purpose because it is programmed to do so.
I could see something like a diesel where it won’t get up to operating temp at idle and could build up (even if ever so slightly) non fully combusted exhaust deposits. More so if there an EGR system, but that’s an argument against it in the first place.
I like a warm cab and a clear windshield.
#MeToo
Bullshit – it helps to have the oil warmed, flowing and properly lubricating parts before jumping on the go pedal. There’s a reason Honda limited the redline on a cold S2000 engine vs. the redline once the water and oil temperature warmed up. In the morning, I start my car, the do all the ancillary BS like buckle up, stow my lunch and phone. Then I let it roll out of the driveway in neutral before finally putting it in gear and driving off. I have a couple of turbocharged cars as well, I let them idle down for twice that long when I’m finished driving them.
internal server errors
Some euphemisms confuse me.
Merry Christmas everyone! I leave tomorrow but I’m dropping off-line now. I’ll be back next week.
@Zwak from dedthred re tardiness:
I started to not be late when a friend told me that people who are late are disrespectful, conceited, and controlling, none of which I wanted to be. Then I met my husband. He has me almost trained, but I loathe hurry up and wait. I have my hygiene routine timed down to the minute, and I do what I am doing until that minute. I am content to be wherever I’m supposed to be and ready to start at 5 minutes early.
I also misunderstood how influential “Religion Standard Time” (Mormon AND Baptist) has been on my life, where nothing—main service, Sunday school, weekly activities—starts on time, sometimes late starting by 10 or 15 minutes. And my mom is perpetually late. Professional sports made me notice how pervasive being late is in society. Football and baseball start on the second of its stated time.
“people who are late are disrespectful, conceited, and controlling”
Preach it, sister.
He stressed that it was a way to control the entire situation, which, I learned later, only really works with people who are too polite to leave/start without you. That trait was not attractive to me.
“people who are too polite to leave/start without you”
That would not be me. Unless you are my boss. I’ve cancelled meetings when somebody necessary is late.
The girlfriend is now on board with understanding that being on time is important. My niece is the same way. The rest of my family…
One thing I find amazingly disrespectful in the business world is the people who cancel a meeting 5 minutes before it’s supposed to start (or just don’t show up).
A Firster is never late. He comes precisely when he intends to and not a moment sooner.
Get a load of Ron Jeremy over here.
Everybody gets a load of Ron Jeremy eventually, don’t they?
Forgot to add: BOW CHICKA WOW WOW CHICKA WOW WOW
Sadly, although I didn’t have to strive to avoid him, he did pop up on my screen in an episode of Hoarders. I saw the preview and thought, “Oh, that poor unfortunate man. He looks like Ron Jeremy.” … “I’m Ron Jeremy and [hoarder] is my friend.”
Allrightythen.
My mother was always late. And, as a child of divorce, sitting and waiting in a restaurant foyer as a 14yo is one thing I do not wish on anyone. Thus I am always on time, and preferable early. My wife, on the other hand, refuses to be bound by anyone else’s time, and only because I love her do I put up with this. Most of the time. When I have something stressful that I need to be on time for, surgery for instance, she has learned not to push that particular button. We WILL be there a half-hour early. We WILL not stress when parking. And we WILL be completely prepared.
On the other hand, my best friend is a lagger of the worst sort. He once asked me to help his first wife and him move, and when I showed up, I found he hadn’t finished packing, indeed was brewing a cup of tea. When his brother showed up with the moving truck a few minutes later we made him throw shit in boxes, took everything packed and drove it five hours south to his new place. He ended up putting everything else in his parents backyard, where it got rained on.
If you aren’t 15 minutes prior to 15 minutes prior to 15 minutes prior, are you even really on time?
It is the one, true way to be first.
The real reason I don’t First on morning links too often is I have to wake up at 5am to begin my rituals and sacrifices to The Great Firster. I need to be into refreshing the page by 7.
After the Army, I’m just not about that life anymore.
my best friend is a lagger
I had a friend who we used to bet on how late he would be. His all-timer was when we all lost (up to 2 hours) and he showed up the next day.
My family was late for everything in my childhood to the point that others commented about it. I am never late if it is within my control. This conflicts with my siblings who learned the wrong lessons from our collective child hood and are consistently late.
They know they will be and don’t care. I’ve made it clear that we will eat, celebrate, or blow out the candles on the birthday cake regardless of their presence.
They have started to get better or at least no longer expect us to wait for their late asses.
Flip side: the same coworkers worrying about others coming in late, were always packed up well before the end of the day and bolting as soon as the clock struck 5, screw anything that still needed to be done. Or were worthless during the entire day.
I’ve been in those offices. It’s utterly demoralizing.
The Spousal Unit had the inverse problem: just at the end of the workday (usually around 5:27 PM or thereabouts), somebody from an earlier timezone would phone her to talk about some work problem “for just a couple of minutes.”
She wouldn’t get home for as long as two hours after she was supposed to on those days.
Place I worked for tried to call someone out for asking for a meeting at 1700 Eastern to be rescheduled. The people complaining where from Pacific time, and didn’t quite grasp the time zone difference. They shut up when the person complaining mentioned that he was getting into the office at 0400 Pacific time.
I too know exactly how long it takes for me to get ready.
My problem is that if my husband and I have an appointment (for example, we have reservations tonight at 5pm) I ask well in advance (even days in advance) when we are going to leave the house. I make sure I will be ready at least 5-15 minutes ahead of that time, which already has some buffer built in.
Then he will start rushing me at 30 minutes before the agreed upon departure time, and will even leave me behind!
However, if he’s the one who has waited too long and is going to make us late, he says nothing about it at all. Double standard.
He is the patriarch.
Have you bought the pistol you were considering?
Careful. She might use it.
Here’s hoping.
Exactly.
Clearly your sandwich-making skills need a bit of work.
Merry Xmas Glibs.
“They call me backdoor Santa, I make my runs about the break of day.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0NoalRsk5w
And the most funky Christmas song of them all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T-3FtRFsxw
For those who must dance on Christmas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohw0G4FCz_8
Mele Kalikimaka to you db. Hope you get a sail in.
Best wishes back to you KS!
Unfortunately no sailing for a bit. In a few hours I get on a plane and fly to northern Euroland to visit my kids and their families. I am visiting Europe during a winter energy crises. Nobody ever claimed that I had common sense.
First, you fools.
*Standing ovation*
Happy Rapemas!
😁
I’ve linked it before numerous times, but here have a great song for your afternoon.
It looks really cold in Cleveland.
Arrowhead stadium looks cold as well. (I haven’t seen Moj’s husband yet.)
The one on the right.
(just switched channels) It looks way more miserable in Cleveland and that is not even counting the fact it is Cleveland.
/hits ‘sloper over the head with a leg lamp
HA!
I wish Seattle still had Russel Wilson.
They just had a Pfizer Covid Med commercial. Seriously does anyone trust Pfizer anymore? I know I live in a bubble but holy shit how are they still pulling this off?
They now hold a trademark on Safe and Effective™️?
The only people buying their claims are the diehard Covid fanatics. The huge volume of expiring doses and the population’s refusal to get boosted tells you the entire story.
Those zillion-dollar advertising budgets don’t spend themselves.
It feels really cold in Cleveland.
A century or so ago, Mexican street tacos had deep fried tortillas.
I propose that Taco Bell’s chalupas are in fact more authentic than authentic Mexican street tacos sold today.
I like the naked chicken chalupa. I tried the encherito, but it didn’t live up to my nostalgia-driven expectations.
Mexi-melt of GTFO.
Oh, wait, they got rid of them? Then fuck Taco Hell.
Meh. Troll harder.
What I said is true historical fact. Tortillas used to be deep fried in Mexico.
What other taco do you get these days that has a deep fried shell?
It needs to make a comeback. I am not here to defend the honor of Taco Bell.
If by Mexico you mean Texas…I’ll let you conflate the two.
The earliest recipes for tacos which are actually called tacos are from Mexico, and they were a street food. The tortilla was reportedly fried.
The tortilla dates back to 10,000 BC, you know before deep fryers were a thing, Nobody actually knows when the concept of putting meat on a tortilla occurred and no actual recipe prior to 1890 exists.
You can speculate at best, since the word “taco” is a Spanish word. So you only have about 500 years or so of leeway to come up with a claim Mexicans invented deep drying.
Sun Fried.
You are arguing things which have nothing to do with what I have actually claimed. But a century ago if you went to Mexico and ordered a taco from a street vendor, you probably would have gotten a fried tortilla. Kind of changes the notion of what is or isn’t authentic, and you attacked the notion as even having have happened in Mexico.
And frying foods was going on thousands of years ago. Nothing about this argument requires me to argue that Spanish invented frying or deep frying.
Now you are correct the modern interpretation did occur around the turn of the 20th century. Likely sourced from workers in silver mines eating meat wrapped in a tortilla and deep fried, resembling a paper wrapped gunpowder charge.
However what is described is called a “flauta” or in some places a “tacquito”.
https://unocasa.com/blogs/tips/history-of-tacos
Something that is available in your grocer’s freezer.
You are arguing things which have nothing to do with what I have actually claimed.
You claimed tacos had a deep fried shell similar to taco bell chalupas. This is a Texas thing, not a Mexico thing.
But a century ago if you went to Mexico and ordered a taco from a street vendor, you probably would have gotten a fried tortilla. Kind of changes the notion of what is or isn’t authentic, and you attacked the notion as even having have happened in Mexico.
As I explained, that is called a flauta.
And frying foods was going on thousands of years ago. Nothing about this argument requires me to argue that Spanish invented frying or deep frying.
It points to a timeframe for your claim. It being a Spanish word means the concept of meat on a tortilla being referred to by the Spanish word “taco” would have to occur post-conquest since the Spanish crushed every aspect of native culture they could. Although they clearly couldn’t eliminate the concept of meat on a tortilla, the origin of which nobody has ever confirmed.
The best tacos ever invented are Birria tacos. Prove me wrong.
It’s the same concept I’m talking about.
Tortillas taste best when cooked a little. Let’s fry more of them. I guarantee it’s going to be better.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a fried flour tortillas. I prefer corn tortillas.
They’re sublime.
Where the hell have you been eating tacos? Tortillas are always cooked in a pan or on a flat top. Sometimes you toast them more, sometimes you don’t but they are always cooked. Only a heathen would make a taco with a tortilla out of the bag.
I have definitely eaten at taco trucks where if they barely heated the things. That’s besides the point.
That’s not the same as frying them. Let’s get something deep fried.
I can’t be responsible for Firsting and teaching the world how to improve tacos. That is too much for any one man.
Isn’t that the so called puffy taco?
https://www.wideopeneats.com/puffy-tacos-san-antonio/
Yes. This needs to be more widespread.
A deep fried burrito is a chimichanga. It was (is?) a Tucson specialty.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0b7ky96oKg
Flour tortillas are from Sonora and Chihuahua, the rest of Mexico is almost exclusively corn.
dbleagle:
Chimichanga
Taco Time crispy burritos. Flour tortilla, deep-fried. After eating two of those, I could single-handedly end the natural gas shortage.
Tact Time #1 is in Barstow. If you are in the area stop by. The last time I was there they still make their salsa fresh for in store dining.
Leftover hospital mugs #FTW. I put all my measuring cups in the dishwasher and then needed to make something. Sure, I have to convert from cc’s to ounces, but it works.
This is like a a Martyball defense so far.
You mean the years the defense scored more points than the offense? 😂
But enough about the Broncos my entire life.
Speaking of the NFL, I’ve barely watched this year. Not much to do today. Looked at the slate of games and dear god is it awful.
I was way late putting the Brisket in the smoker. This will be the first brisket flat I have done without Sous Vide. I am already regretting the decision.
Hmm…how many lbs? You can cheat and wrap it
Bravo!
reminds me, a couple weeks ago I saw a sticker on someone’s car of a sasquatch carrying guns (yes, in SoCal). My attempted pic didn’t turn out, but there are secret glibs out there in the wild.
Well done! Merry Christmas Eve!
Don’t have a place to put a Christmas tree because of weird house configuration, so this has to do. I am having a sweet Christmas season. It’s not hitting my childhood nostalgia buttons quite right, but I should know better by now. It’s a good Christmas season. Totally boring, no stress, no drama, nice decorations, even if they are spare.
So, Merry Christmas all you troublemakers and I wish you a drama-free holiday!
And my childhood Christmas music collection playing when I’m baking, and it’s cold and snowy outside.
Merry Christmas, Mojeaux.
A Christmas song for you.
Thank you! I pretty much will love that song no matter who plays it in whichever style/genre.
That specific version is used in an episode of American Dad! when Santa is leading an army of elves to kill the main characters. The band (August Burns Red) does have a Christmas album that sounds similar to Transiberian Orchestra.
Merry Christmas.
We are doing Christmas in January. Too many moving parts with step kids and family scattered. Roll in grand niece b-day and middle teens 18th also in January. So to not be stressed, it’s quiet here with me prepping rib roast dinner tonight and brunch tomorrow with the inlaws.
Merry Xmas, Mexi! That was very good.
And the verdict is in.
And that may have been their best evidence.
Headlines from 1962?
Don’t want to look to close. Might find something.
So Lake didn’t put forth her best case? Or once having made the claim, there is no absence of evidence that would not constitute proof positive of the case?
I am real suspicious of that 19 inch ballot on 20 inch paper.
I would love to know if this was in just “red” sections vs. “blue” sections.
They were limited in what they could look at.
Good luck JI. Some people will not consider any contrary facts.
Not necessarily contradictory. But a SOS could have done that.
Black pilled.
They certainly proved incompetence with the chain of custody issues, but since the law requires intent there’s no real way to quantity.
And the chain of custody issues won’t be fixed.
That may be. If there is a genuine problem, you would think the Republican majority would get it fixed in order to help Republican candidates further up the ballot.
That would mean Republicans would have to be anything other than useless.
True. If that’s all they are, then they have only themselves to blame.
Sounds wonderful.
Wish I had some.
Holy shit. Vikings!
Right?!
I loathe wrapping Xmas gifts. 😒
Dad’s wine is getting a post-it note saying Merry Christmas put on it.
Heh.
/looks at the entire four gifts I wrapped this year.
I’m fine with it, and all the wrapping is done.
One and done.
I FLOOOOOVE wrapping presents! One year I wrapped empty boxes to put under the tree for decoration.
I also do those curlicue bows and ribbons. I do them upbig and fluffy too.
I just finished wrapping my husband’s and kid’s gifts. One is a gift certificate to a spa (husband). The other is a picture of 4 tires (daughter), whose Christmas actually came last month.
Eight nights of Hanukkah laughs at your problem.
Everybody have a great Christmas!
I’m shutting down social media for a few days, so I guess I’ll “see” everyone on Boxing Day (the 26th to youse heathens) or thereabouts.
Tourtiere filling’s ready to go, and the pie’s in the oven at 4:30.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, BEAM.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Just finished doing the single hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Propose? Simple. Fatherhood? Cakewalk. Career change three times? Who doesn’t.
No. I just cut a sheet of linoleum for the little bathroom. Holy She-eyeit that was hard. Damn thing fought me the entire time, but I got it, and only one small glitch. Now, it just needs to pass the wife test, and we are gold.
Gold, Jerry! Gold!
‘Grats!
Thanks MS and thanks to all the Glibs that make my days more pleasant. Getting away from TOS was the best thing that could have happened. TPTB have one a great job as have all the participants.
No. Thank you!
Well shit. XX is sick and one of my aunts is in the hospital after losing round 1 of chemotherapy. There will be no round 2. So it will just be 4 of us for Christmas Eve.
Ugh. I hope you still have a good Christmas.
I am sorry Mojeaux, that is not good news. Hope its a peaceful Christmas for you and your family.
So lets expand the ruso-ukrainian war shall we?
https://www.thenationalnews.com/world/uk-news/2022/12/24/ukraine-calls-for-liquidation-of-iranian-weapons-factories-as-seven-killed-in-kherson/
Good for business.
Gee, imagine that! No one is supplying Ukraine with weapons, I mean who would do such a war mongering thing! Surely not any ‘democracy!’.
This entire Christmas thing is triggering me. I want to get blind drunk but I don’t drink. How much does that suck? My wife just seems to be one of those people who is always happy, high on the magical unseen pixie dust I spose. I guess it helps to have functional Gaba receptors not wrecked by alcohol abuse. I am such a bummer.