New Year Monday Afternoon Links

by | Jan 2, 2023 | Daily Links | 123 comments

New year, new you, new… Monday afternoon links? Yep. I’m stepping up to replace the Swiss guy (long term, this morning was more of a pinch hit thing). He’s got more valuable things to do. Like organize his fingernail clippings. My four boys have reached some level of… sanity now. I’m here again, doing my mediocre best. How the hell are you guys?I gotta tell ya, for some reason 2023 makes me feel old in a way (besides the random back tweaking) that 2022 and earlier didn’t. Probably the realization that I’ll have a kid in the same elementary school from.. 2018 to 2033. FML.

I’m going to assume this was a tractor rollover. Same thing killed my friend’s uncle. Definitely not how I want to go.

If it has energy, something eats it. Virovore is probably more a band than an album name.

I thought 2Short was dead, but here is the NYT telling us why being short is good. I like being medium myself.

I may be a day late, but I love this song. I hope y’all put down some brisket and tequila for the New Year. I do not recommend swimming in Barton Springs on New Year’s Day. Godamighty, I never got that drunk/high.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

123 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    I’m still blaming the Scientologists.

  2. kinnath

    Can someone summarize the NYT article? Thanks?

    • Negroni Please

      Something something marxism? At least that’s how all their other articles go

      • kinnath

        Nice and tidy summary there

      • SDF-7

        So that Equity meme on height and watching baseball again?

    • Plinker762

      My guess is that short people create less CO2.

      I’m on my phone otherwise I would link the song “Short People”

      • rhywun

        Bingo – eco-horseshit. And yes, the article links to that song.

      • Lackadaisical

        Are you serious?

        They would have a stronger case that it is better to be short because everything is a standardized size, probably tailored to the median height, inclusive of women.

        Anyway, being tall is clearly the best, even if I will die like 3 years sooner.

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Tallness is white supremacy.

  3. Mojeaux

    Watching Cyrano with Peter Dinklage (on topic re short people) while I make yet another wreath per the season to hang on my porch. It’s a musical. I did not know that before I started. But now I’m committed. I’m not sure it’s any good whatsoever.

    • Count Potato

      I thought he was a regular height person with a big nose?

      • Mojeaux

        Generally unattractive will do.

  4. Count Potato

    It’s generally accepted the most common virus is a phage of the most common bacteria. But bacteriophages aren’t very durable. So even though they are nutritious, the chemicals in a pelagic virus are going to get released back into the ocean because sunlight and seawater are reactive.

  5. PutridMeat

    Virovore is probably more a band than an album name.

    There’s probably some black metal band name that’s closer, but if you’re willing to spot me a few letters

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Welcome, Brett.

    Welcome

    • SDF-7

      Our judges would have also accepted this or this.

    • Brett L

      I know, it’s like being a virgin all over again. I’m going to be around more, at least on Monday

      • Spudalicious

        With a gnarly, mangled cherry.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      It’s only fair. The DOJ is concealing all of the documents that they took from Mar-a-lago which proves that Trump sold secrets to foreign nations and didn’t report it on his taxes.

    • juris imprudent

      Do they need a special commission or will they just seal them up for 50 years for national security?

      • Lackadaisical

        The latter sounds about right.

      • SDF-7

        What was the Pfizer rate? Something like 75 years? I’m sure that’s the new gold standard…

      • Homple

        The Martin Luther King Jr. files were sealed for 50 years. Probably because he was shown in the files to be virtuous, honest and brave. But he was a man of much humility, so his family honored his wishes not to brag.

  7. Shpip

    Speaking of short people, just yesterday I met a dwarf at a bar on St. Simons Island. He told me that he was enjoying his vacation, but lamented that he had been pickpocketed on New Year’s Eve.

    I can’t imagine how anyone could stoop so low.

    • Mojeaux

      Boohiss

    • Brett L

      He was still a bigger man than anyone who would tell that joke.

    • SDF-7

      Then he asked you to cover his bar tab — but you came up short?

    • Rat on a train

      Was there little money in his wallet?

    • Spudalicious

      When he ordered a drink, he was short, and to the point.

    • juris imprudent

      Myself, I’m going to take the high road, unlike the heels around here.

    • Homple

      Last time I traveled somewhere pick-pockety I carried in my hip pocket an old wallet, empty save for a paper with “Gotcha, sucker.” written on it in several languages. Somebody nicked it, so I had a chuckle.

    • Michael Malaise

      I’ll bet he was thrown for a loop.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Boo fucking hoo

    Former White House aide Hope Hicks told a fellow aide in text messages during the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection that “we all look like domestic terrorists now” as Trump supporters stormed the Capitol.

    Texts released by the House select committee investigating that day show Hicks texting with Julie Radford, former chief of staff to Ivanka Trump, as the violence unfolded.

    “In one day he ended every future opportunity that doesn’t include speaking engagements at the local proud boys chapter,” Hicks said, apparently referring to former President Trump.

    Radford responded, “Yup,” seemingly agreeing.

    “And all of us that didn’t have jobs lined up will be perpetually unemployed,” Hicks said, also saying she was “so mad and upset,” adding, “We all look like domestic terrorists now.”

    “Oh yes I’ve been crying for an hour,” Radford replied.

    Hicks texted that former White House Director of Strategic Communications Alyssa Farah Griffin, who resigned about a month before the attack, looked like a “genius.”

    You may have missed out on a lifetime of sucking the public teat? What a tragedy. You’re probably qualified to fold sweaters at Old Navy. Go with that.

    *dabs tear*

    • R C Dean

      “In one day he ended every future opportunity”

      The narcissism, it burns.

      Still would, tho.

      • juris imprudent

        She might actually have to put out to get back on a good grift.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        If she’s doing that I’m hiring…for something…tell her to send me her resume and some tasteful photographs.

      • MikeS

        Some candid photography? Know what I mean?

    • Fourscore

      Where are they today? I’ll check McDs next time I go by. It could happen.

  9. DEG

    And sure enough, one particular microbe seemed to be snacking on the viruses – a ciliate known as Halteria. In water samples with no other food source for the ciliates, Halteria populations grew by about 15 times within two days, while chlorovirus levels dropped 100-fold. In control samples without the virus, Halteria didn’t grow at all.

    Interesting.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    When it rains….

    An earthquake struck Northern California on Sunday for the second time in less than two weeks, causing power outages and damages, officials said.

    The New Year’s Day earthquake had a preliminary magnitude of 5.4 and struck about 9 miles southeast of Rio Dell in Humboldt County just after 10:30 a.m. local time (1:35 p.m. ET) Sunday, according to the U.S. Geological Survey.

    The Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office said damages to homes were reported in the City of Rio Dell, while at half of the city’s residents were without power Sunday and around 30% without water. It said restoration efforts were underway.

    That’s not going to do those earthen dams any good.

  11. westernsloper

    I just skip right over anything Brett posts and go straight to the Bio. (Unless it is a Zoom session and Blue Curacao.) Best piece of writing on glibs.

    • Brett L

      You’re looking for a catbutt, friend. Or perhaps just a personal visit. But I agree, having a SF written bio proves I’m better than most.

      • westernsloper

        Ha! Happy New Year! Trust it will be the best yet for everyone here.

      • Brett L

        I did have my black-eyes peas and ham hocks. My wife’s was really into it until she learned what a ham hock was. Good luck to everyone.

  12. Ownbestenemy

    Ex wife brain bleed has subsided and pneumonia seems to be under control. Middle child gives off an air of don’t give a damn. Youngest is conflicted and off to the hospital.

    Oldest, who isn’t mine but still my daughter is carrying all this.

    • juris imprudent

      uffda (if I may appropriate that)

      • Ownbestenemy

        We tought she was gone and my middle was consigned that his mom was dead. Then this happened. I despise my ex but my kids well being is #1.

      • Drake

        This – good luck being a good Dad.

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        Damn good of you.

        Stay well brother.

    • Fourscore

      Sad to hear all aspects, OBE. Kids can be trying. Seems like they always come back though. My daughter had some problems growing up that she blamed me for, now she has forgotten all the difficulties and I never really got upset, though some letters I never opened, just trashed them. She has the same problems with her own kids but slowly they are re-establishing Mom-Daughter ties. Growing up is tough.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Thans Fourscore.

    • Brett L

      That sucks. We all handle trauma differently. Just keep loving them and give them room to grieve as they do.

    • Q Continuum

      Sucks. Sorry.

    • DEG

      Sorry.

    • Count Potato

      Sorry 🙁

    • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

      So sorry OBE

    • MikeS

      Damn, OB. Sorry to hear that. Good on yo for being strong for your kids. 👊🏻*

      *respect knuckles

  13. Fourscore

    Plowing on hillsides are dangerous, don’t plow sideways, always up/down the hill. Even a snow blower wants to roll over on a side hill.

    • westernsloper

      When I was 18 I left home as disgruntled youth do. I moved to CA as stupid youth do. I did a ski season at Mammoth. Even back then in the mid 80’s they groomed some really steep stuff. They put the snow groomers on cables and pulled them up and down the top of the mountain. Crazy stuff but I did learn to ski steeps there though. Great place in spite of it being in CA.

    • Not an Economist

      Supposedly Renner got out of his Snowcat, which he uses to plow, and then the Snowcat started moving and ran over his leg, causing massive bleeding. A neighbor who is a doctor applied a tourniquet but Renner still lost a lot of blood. Supposedly something on the Snowcat malfunctioned, causing it to move.

      • EvilSheldon

        Keeping a few tourniquets around seems like a good idea.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I have couple around, like in the garage and on my woodcutting belt. Realized I have some extras so I threw one in a pocket of my work bag. Why not?

        Also,
        https://youtu.be/CSECJQPJmLw

      • juris imprudent

        When we (volunteer fire company) get paged by 911 with “traumatic injury” we know we’re going to a bad scene.

    • Homple

      Merle Watson says, “Howdy”.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Meteorological mystery

    Weather records have been falling across Europe at a disconcerting rate in the last few days, say meteorologists.

    The warmest January day ever was recorded in at least eight European countries including Poland, Denmark, the Czech Republic, the Netherlands, Belarus, Lithuania and Latvia, according to data collated by Maximiliano Herrera, a climatologist who tracks extreme temperatures.

    In Korbielów, Poland, the mercury hit 19C (66F) – a temperature the Silesian village is more used to in May, and 18C above the 1C annual average for January. In Javorník in the Czech Republic it was 19.6C, compared with an average of 3C for this time of year.

    ——-

    Causes were difficult to ascertain, said Duncan, with La Niña and anomalous warmth in sea surfaces playing a role. “None of the above here is new though, so what took extreme to record-smashing status? Our warming atmosphere and oceans are ultimately making records easier to break.”

    Prof Bill McGuire, who has written about the consequences of climate breakdown, said the high temperatures were a portent of worse to come.

    “The most worrying thing about this is that – such is the speed of global heating – it simply isn’t a surprise any longer,” he said. “It is a small glimpse of a future that will see winter reduced to a couple of months of dreary, damp, and mild weather, with little in the way of frost, ice or snow.”

    The seas will boil. The sky will burn.

    Repent. The end is nigh.

    • Lackadaisical

      The cataclysm of nice weather.

      • SDF-7

        Given everyone was worried Europe was going to freeze to death not long back, I would think “Be farging grateful, you iceholes!” would leap to mind.

        But I’m not from there. (Hope Jugsy’s enjoying or did enjoy the film, btw).

    • Fourscore

      Oranges growing in Minnesoda!.

      I’m going to try to start more apple trees inside, if I succeed they’ll be ready to transplant in May or so. I have a few nursery Zone 3 trees in my garden and a lot of trees from grocery apples growing outside in the garden. I’ve given away a bunch and more to go. This time of year I need to have something green in the house to remind me that Spring will return.

      • MikeS

        I read an article about a guy in Minnesoda growing zone 10-type fruit trees. He had them on a pallet system and kept them pruned short enough to bring them into the barn every winter. He’s kept them growing for over a decade if I recall correctly. Can’t remember where I saw the article right now.

      • DEG

        That’s basically how nobles in Europe grew lemons and oranges. The trees were in pots and would go outside in the warmer months, then inside during the colder months.

      • MikeS

        Oh sure. Didn’t think about that.

        Well, the cool part was his system that did not require peasants to move them. 🧐

      • R.J.

        Hopefully he used peasants anyway. Idle peasants are troublesome peasants.

      • MikeS

        +1 Now we see the violence inherent in the system

    • MikeS

      And Fargo, ND just got done with 3rd longest continuous stretch below 0F. Is that due to accelerated global heating, too? Fucking retards.

      • rhywun

        Don’t worry, we’ll hear all about it if and when it becomes politically useful.

  15. juris imprudent

    traumatic injury

    Best wishes for Renner, and I think that describes the USC defense (and special teams).

  16. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    I have to go to CT on Thursday to a funeral of a close friend with whom I went to college. That’s 30 years.

    • Fourscore

      I missed saying good bye to good friends the past 2 years, thanks to our betters.

      30 years is a long time, KK. I was at a party Xmas eve with my best friend of 70 years. We live about 2 miles part now and have coffee once a week, at least.
      It ain’t wedding bells that are breaking up the Old Gang.

      • MikeS

        It ain’t wedding bells that are breaking up the Old Gang.

        Dark humor is my favorite kind.

      • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

        So, you like a nice wedding dirge?

      • MikeS

        I don’t believe I’ve ever heard one*, but I assume I would.

        *does November Rain count?

    • Q Continuum

      I’m sorry KK 🙁 .

    • DEG

      Sorry.

    • Count Potato

      Sorry 🙁

    • MikeS

      Sorry to hear that, KK.

    • robodruid

      I am so sorry KK. Its never good.

    • Zwak, who has his own double cross to bear.

      Sorry KK. I went through a spell of that a couple years ago. Man it sucked.

  17. IRBE

    For those that didn’t read Swan Song edition of Glibfit and who are looking to lose a couple pounds after the holidays there is a planned 3-day fast (03JAN to 05JAN) recommended by Archbishop Vigano in honor those detained for Jan 6 Parade. I hope everyone can join..at least en spiritu. Friendly advice, eat a good meal before attempting fast…

    I remember the Bobby Sands Hunger Strike ’81 but didn’t appreciate that 9 prisoners had died from starvation in support of their cause. Makes you think.

      • IRBE

        I wouldn’t call the Jan 6 people terrorists…but whatever.

      • juris imprudent

        I wouldn’t equate the Jan 6 folks with the IRA myself – that seemed where you went.

    • rhywun

      remember the Bobby Sands Hunger Strike

      *tap tap tap*

      Not terribly familiar with the history, I can barely comprehend any of that madness.

      • IRBE

        Bobby Sands was an IRA bomber. During his justified imprisonment, he and other convicted IRA members were protesting the conditions of their imprisonment and status as political prisoners which had changed from when they were charged.

      • rhywun

        I should have been more clear – I had in mind the madness of ‘The Troubles’ in general and lines like this (from wikipedia):

        Despite always having had Protestant friends, Sands suddenly found that none of them would even speak to him, and he quickly learned to associate only with Catholics.

        or this:

        He worked there for less than a year, enduring constant harassment from his Protestant co-workers, which according to several co-workers he ignored completely, as he wished to learn a meaningful trade.

        I can’t imagine that kind of hellscape. Not even the rapidly deteriorating situation in the US comes close.

      • slumbrew

        I will once again pimp “Say Nothing” as an excellent book on The Troubles. Very readable.

      • hayeksplosives

        My old office mates and I would occasionally go on a diet competition with an initial weigh-in and a final weigh-in 2 months later. Biggest Loser won cash from the other participants.

        We called it the Bobby Sands Diet.

    • Grumbletarian

      Needs a catchy name, like the No Ingestion Faux-Insurrection.

  18. Count Potato

    “Romanian authorities needed proof that Andrew Tate was in the country so they reportedly used his social media posts. His ridiculous video yesterday featured a pizza from a Romanian pizza chain, Jerry’s Pizza, confirming he was in the country.

    This is absolutely epic.”

    https://twitter.com/Esqueer_/status/1608579412588650496

    This shit repeated everywhere like kids on a playground.

    • juris imprudent

      4chan nods knowingly

    • rhywun

      You post your perfect life, and then you flip through the photos of other girls who have a more perfect life, and you feel depressed.

      I can’t even.

      • Fourscore

        It works in the other direction as well. When I start to complain I see those vets with serious injuries or the Shriner kids and am ashamed of myself.

      • Count Potato

        That’s one reason I love horror movies. I have my problems, but at least I’m not being hacked to death by a guy in a hockey mask.

      • mock-star

        He and Greg Lukianoff make a compelling case for this in “The Coddling of the American Mind”. The premise is that social media magnifies the fear of failure, which is bad.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, the parts of the article I skimmed seem pretty spot-on to me.

      • slumbrew

        That’s a very good book.

  19. mock-star

    I saw Paul Ehrlich was on 60 Minutes last night. Im guessing Harold Camping, the Rogue Planet Nibiru, The Mayan 2012 Calender, and the Y2J bug were all already booked.Its neat that the same people who give Ehrlich a platform are the same who would happily censor (or worse) you for “misinformation”.

    • Count Potato

      That guy makes Paul Krugman seem like the Amazing Kreskin.

    • Fourscore

      Before I found Julius Simon I almost got caught up in Ehrlich-o-mania. It sounded so accurate.

      • juris imprudent

        Forget your old friend Malthus? That fooker’s had more influence than he ever could have imagined, even if it wasn’t the kind he would have hoped for.

      • Fourscore

        I do remember him, not personally of course, but some theory or another

    • creech

      They couldn’t find any scientist to refute him? Even a pretense of “equal time” would be a refreshing change for what passes as impartial journalism these days.

  20. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    RV repair guy stopped by today instead of tomorrow for our appointment (rain is forecast for tomorrow and one of the repairs requires dry weather), and I was looking like the 3rd day of a 3 day weekend. So that’s fun.

    • juris imprudent

      bowchickawowwooooooowwwwwwww

    • MikeS

      So you showed him you’re a relaxed, laid back chick. Good work.

    • creech

      Rose seemed to think it was o.k. as long as he always bet on Reds to win. No, it wasn’t, because that could lead him to misuse his pitchers in order to improve his odds of winning.

  21. hayeksplosives

    Damn. A Bills safety went down after a hard hit, stood up for 2 seconds and crumpled to the ground. He’s been down in the middle of the field for 10 minutes.

    They are administering CPR.