Glibertarians Sixth Anniversary Post

by | Feb 12, 2023 | Admin | 456 comments

That slut Tonio just gives it away. A man of his talents could monetize it, but the raggedy old homo keeps hanging on to his delusions that he can suck his way into some younger bear’s heart. So, while our Nimrod is creakily ascending the ziggurat of his Sargon-bearded stud of the moment, I get to babysit you people. Here is the draft we found in Tonio’s typewriter; I see no need to waste time fleshing it out:

 

Glibs Anniversary Post Template

Brief recounting of the history of Glibs, with a self-serving linkback to my noob guide.

Fluff all the commenters and lurkers. “Without your support and donations,” yadda, yadda, yadda.

Thank all the contributing writers, even the lame ones.

Praise all the regular columnists, heavy lifters, etc. [sticky note: Not Adahn, RJ, Richard, Chafed, Pat.]

Obsequiously praise Sug, Pengie, CPRM, Animal, Mojeaux, and any other established, pro-grade, contributors.

Single out any irregular contributors who hit it out of the park, ie Sloper. [handwritten annotation: FourScore.]

Suck up to the cryptids.

Thank Neph for GlibZoom.

[handwritten annotation: Tease about fresh, bold content coming later this year.]

Tear-jerking memorial to SP.

Thank WebDom for taking on the high-level website administrative stuff.

Squirrel joke to lighten the mood.

Thumb our nose at TOS since we’re still here six years later with a full, regular publishing calendar, etc.

Taunt the NSA, etc.

Fuck you, Preet.

[sticky note: CPRM wants his 2022 Anniversary cartoon backlinked]

About The Author

Winston's Mom

Winston's Mom

Biological mother of Winston.

456 Comments

  1. Sean

    Sneaky posting…

    Happy anniversary!

  2. Brett L

    Holy crap. This site is older than half my kids. I figured we’d fly apart under the libertarian “not Glib enough” fractures long ago. Thanks to all the people who make it happen and let me dive bomb once a week. Especially our editors. Swiss, Tonio, and Riven. Please don’t quit, I don’t want to edit.

  3. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    Happy analversary!

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      Speaking of anuses, my 5 year old explained to me that “there’s something in your butt that holds the poop in. Otherwise you’d be pooping all the time”. She found the word “sphincter” quite hilarious.

  4. Old Man With Candy

    I know y’all are busy Sportsballing or whatever, but still, you need to stop for a moment and acknowledge my fabulous new puppy. I’m auctioning off name rights to the highest bidder, h/t to Sloopy.

    • Brett L

      Has the puppy selected a gender yet?

      • Old Man With Candy

        Woof.

      • dbleagle

        It seems like your puppy is popular with another gray hair as well.

        CONGRATS on the pup! I bid 2 Cents on naming it Preet.

      • juris imprudent

        If it’s a bitch, Hilldog.

      • Chafed

        Lol

      • Fourscore

        Are those all your dogs, OM? When that cold nose sneaks under the blankets in the morning you’ll have a WTF moment!

      • Old Man With Candy

        No, I was visiting the people whose dogs birthed that litter to choose a pup. The one I’m holding chose ME, and he will be my first dog since the passing of Wonderdog a year ago yesterday.

        There’s an interesting story behind these people, but that’s a story which will be told later.

    • Tundra

      Congratulations. What a beautiful pup!

      I wouldn’t be pissed if you chose Tundra.

    • Aloysious

      Everybody is busy balling?

      Dammit. I’m stuck working. Alert Rufus.

      • Chafed

        What did you do to deserve it?

      • Aloysious

        The reward for working hard is more work.
        I feel very rewarded.

    • Ted S.

      Have you seen The Dambusters?

      • dbleagle

        A fair effort. No “The Cruel Sea” but okay.

      • Rat on a train

        The original Death Star attack and a dog with a “racist” name instead of a Wookiee with a “dog” name?

    • Sean

      Puppy!

    • Ted S.

      Doggy McDogface.

      Or Doggy Style.

    • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

      Hi pupppppppy!

    • rhywun

      “Dog” (h/t Columbo)

      • AlexinCT

        Duck.. or Fish.

    • Chafed

      Congratulations on the new puppy OMWC. I hope you enjoy him/her/it.

    • Mojeaux

      Welp. It’s a dog. So, yay? If you’re happy, I’m happy.

    • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

      For the pup’s name, “Candy” works on several levels.

    • Shirley Knott

      Awwww!
      Congrats

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      $50 for Nerf

    • R.J.

      I think I can start a GoFundMe to name your puppy “Nixon,” or “Trump.” Think of the possibilities!

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        name your puppy “Nixon,”

        Think of the scene in Where the Buffalo Roam with Bill Murray as Hunter Thompson.

        Referencing The Jerk, two bucks on “Shithead”

    • Count Potato

      Name it Sloopy.

    • Pat

      If it were a girl then Lolita would have been the obvious choice. Missed opportunity.

    • Zwak says Your Husband is a Polar Bear, Skinny.

      cash.

    • hayeksplosives

      I am too dense to understand the puppy gender.

      I suggest Ursa. Looks like a big bear to me. If Male, then perhaps Major (as in Ursa Major). If female, then Ursa or even Ursula.

      You two are a great looking couple.

    • DEG

      🙂

  5. Shirley Knott

    Huzzah!
    I’ve been here for maybe half or a bit more of the site’s lifespan, but it’s a big part of each and every day. /I am lame

  6. Tundra

    I’m getting a little freaked out. How on earth can it already be six years?

    I love you crazy fuckers. And thanks for everything.

    • R C Dean

      What Tundra said.

      The pup should be named “Dean”. Or “R C”. Of course.

    • Chafed

      I feel the same way. I’m shocked it’s 6 years. This motley crew of mostly like minded people has helped keep me sane through some trying times.

      • Pat

        Add another bewildered time traveler to the pile. Fuck me but time flies.

  7. Evan from Evansville

    Wow. I needed every year of y’all. My escape from the insanity that surrounds me.

    (Especially the last three.)

    Adorable puppy! Rupprupp!

    Go Cubs!….I don’t really give a shit, though I do appreciate every sport and can (usually) understand/follow and certainly enjoy. I want a good fourth quarter, a good game.

    Rhianna is who she is. Umbrella is a legit good song. Listen to Travis Barker’s cover of it. It’s a great way to show off how much fun he is. He gives the song what it needs when it needs it. No overplaying, unless that’s also what the song needs. She’s the song, not him. Good to be a rhythm musician who fuckin’ gets that. Y’all melodic folk best thank me and others. (My band always have when I (usually) did such.)

    Fuck it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EPi6qBJi3E&ab_channel=BraddaTim

  8. dbleagle

    Happy Glibversary to all! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! to those who put in the time and energy to keep this corner of the web up and running.

    I have been lucky enough to meet several of you in the “real world” and to a person you have been delightful.

    Like Shirley says this site is a big part of my day and keeping tethered to reality.

    • juris imprudent

      I wasn’t planning on drinking – substantially – tonight; guess my plans just have to change. Happy ‘verserary!

  9. Annoyed Nomad

    Six years. Congrats to everybody! This place helps keep me sane (and often entertained).

    Glad I didn’t get mentioned as an irregular contributor who is overdue in providing something new.

    • Chafed

      Well… now that you mention it….

  10. Sean

    I demand to be fluffed.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      Fluffy was at TOS

    • Chafed

      Don’t you have a girlfriend?

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM.

        He has meat and munitions. What more is required?

  11. The Late P Brooks

    *toots horn, throws confetti*

  12. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    Any interest in a Souper Bowl Zoom? If so, I could set up an unhosted one.

    • Old Man With Candy

      I would (hate watching football alone) except that I’m streaming the game.

  13. Animal

    I just want to say, I fuckin’ love this community, I appreciate the mention by Winston’s charming mom, and I’ll try to keep cranking out content until my brain finally ossifies.

  14. Aloysious

    ♪┌|∵|┘♪

  15. Grosspatzer

    Six years?? Time flies.

    This place is *necessary* in an insane world. So thanks to the admins, contributors, commenters, lurkers, financial supporters, firsters and Methodists for keeping it going.

  16. hayeksplosives

    6 years! 3 jobs and 3 states within 6 years.

    That makes Glibertarians the most stable thing in my life. That’s not a good sign, is it?

    🙂

    • Sean

      LOL. 😂😂

    • Tundra

      No. It’s a perfect sign.

      • hayeksplosives

        Love ya, Tundra Tim.

    • rhywun

      You’re living my post-college life. I can’t even keep up.

      *counts fingers*

      Ten years in this damn apartment. I need a change of some sort.

      • Pat

        10 years in my current place coming up in a couple months. This is the longest I’ve ever lived in one place my entire life. Also looking forward to leaving it behind.

      • Rat on a train

        It will be 14 years in August. The previous record was 7 years. The longest I’ve lived in a state is 24 years so still another decade.

    • Evan from Evansville

      2017?

      Uh….Singapore ended in 2016, but I’ve got Korea, Thailand and now back in the US in those six. Ended an old profession and six months into a new?

      *Fist bump*

      We’re…shockingly similarly placed. This place has provided more sanity than anything else in my life these years, in some odd ways.

      Rock on, guys.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    I don’t know where I’d be without this ragtag guerrilla cadre.

    • Shirley Knott

      Amen to that.

    • Mojeaux

      I first read that as “rat guerrilla cake.”

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Droopy.

  19. Tundra

    I can’t believe they are still pimping Pat Tillman.

    • Grosspatzer

      Sounds legit. There’ll be a hot time in the old town tonight.

    • Chafed

      Krasner least hard hit.

    • creech

      At least we don’t burn down YOUR city.

    • Rebel Scum

      The Bee is supposed to be parody.

      Philadelphia Eagles fans lived up to their notorious reputation on Sunday when they took to the streets and flipped a car before the Super Bowl even started.

  20. rhywun

    6:30 my ass. I’m already ready to change the channel.

    • Grosspatzer

      Come for the football. Stay for the commercials.

      • rhywun

        You mean “beverage fetching time”.

        Speaking of…

    • KSuellington

      The NFL playoff games are far better football. The SB is just an advertising fiesta and spectacle with a game attached as an after thought.

      • Chafed

        Often true. These teams seem about evenly matched This could be a good game.

  21. KSuellington

    Happy anniversary Glibs. Wow, six years.

    I will raise db and bring it up to a dime to name it Suelldog.

  22. Rebel Scum

    I have a beer for every year of Glibs. And then some.

    I did not care for the soy hick and his interpretive dance partner butchering the anthem before the sportsball game.

    • Chafed

      I guess tuning in late was a good idea.

      • rhywun

        I was either in the kitchen or I tuned it out. Don’t remember any anthem.

    • Mojeaux

      soy hick

      Excellent characterization.

    • The Hyperbole

      Chris Stapleton is a soy hick?

  23. Mojeaux

    Apologies to Winston’s Mom. You know what I did.

    Anyhoo. Other than my s00per sekrit 5-woman support group, this is the only community I have online. It hasn’t always been pleasant or comfortable, but I appreciate the Glibs experience.

    • Chafed

      Who needs to be run out of town?

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, nobody. I do miss some commenters, though.

      • Chafed

        #MeToo. Time to pour out a 40 for a long list of people.

  24. Chafed

    Is there anyone watching this game that cares the two starting quarterbacks are black? Here’s a heads up Fox Sports, the people who want to hear about it aren’t watching the game.

    • Mojeaux

      Conspiracy theory (also known as a spoiler alert) has it that the NFL run the officiating so that they could get two black quarterbacks. Saw a tweet that said a Mahomes loss upholds the narrative.

      • Chafed

        I can believe that’s an actual conspiracy theory. It’s also batshit crazy and incoherent.

      • Mojeaux

        I’ll be the first to say that the AFC championship win over the Bengals was unclean.

      • Chafed

        You don’t have to persuade me there has been some terrible officiating throughout the season and into the playoffs. But there hasn’t been a ryhme or reason to it.

      • robodruid

        PV=nRT

    • Tundra

      Black-ish.

      Maybe we should all just fuck, reproduce like mad and make everyone beige?

      • Chafed

        I call dibs on Tracy Bingham.

      • Mojeaux

        Maybe we should all just fuck, reproduce like mad and make everyone beige?

        Since I was a child, I’ve been convinced this is what God intended.

      • rhywun

        Seriously. Tired of this crap.

      • Count Potato

        “Maybe we should all just fuck, reproduce like mad and make everyone beige?”

        Tundra is Senator Bullworth.

      • ron73440

        That’s why I married an Okinawan Lady.

      • kinnath

        Senator Bulworth I presume

      • kinnath

        way too late

      • Tundra

        Lol.

        So apparently it’s not an original idea.

        Still in.

      • kinnath

        Can’t find the clip on youtube. Pisses me off.

      • kinnath

        Jay Billington Bulworth : All we need is a voluntary, free-spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction. Everybody just gotta keep fuckin’ everybody ’til they’re all the same color.

      • Tundra

        Still in.

      • Chafed

        Does your wife know about your plan?

      • UnCivilServant

        Genetics don’t work like that.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Two black quarterbacks? What?!?! The world’s done gone crazy.

      • Chafed

        1970 agrees.

    • Count Potato

      Isn’t the league around 60% black?

    • juris imprudent

      Somewhere Colin Kapernick is pouting. That makes me smile.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Somewhere Warren Moon is as well, and that’s kind of sad.

      • juris imprudent

        I guess Doug Williams is the only black QB that counts since his team won – never mind it had little to do with his performance.

      • Shpip

        never mind it had little to do with his performance.

        Wha…?

        Williams completed 9 of 11 passes for 228 yards and four touchdowns in the second quarter alone!

        Granted, a case could’ve been made for Timmy Smith (204 yards rushing, still a SB record) or Ricky Sanders (193 receiving yards, 2 TD — also a SB record that lasted all of one year) as MVP, but Williams’ performance had a lot to do with the Redskins’ blowout.

    • creech

      I think we need to dna every player so we can look ahead to the first two Mexican/Irish quarterbacks, and Slavic/Inuit, etc.

    • Pat

      Is there anyone watching this game that cares the two starting quarterbacks are black?

      MC Ride?

  25. robodruid

    Six years?
    Has it been that long?

    Thank you all for posting. I appreciate all of you.

  26. Chafed

    I would rather watch all of Caddyshack 2 than see that Michelob Ultra ad again.

    • R.J.

      Agreed.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      What you got against Jackie Mason?

      • Chafed

        Nothing. But I’m building up a rage against everyone in everyone of these awful commercials.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Everytime he speaks all I can think of is this.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I thought that actually was Jackie Mason. The Jerk’s what always what comes to my mind when I hear him.

    • rhywun

      Is that one where they just threw a bunch of celebrities into a regular ad?

      Or is that every ad tonight.

      • Chafed

        It’s a terrible commercial using the characters from Caddyshack. They are using a ton of celebrities, poorly.

      • Michael Malaise

        There’s also 2 mistakes in the ad:

        1. New Member’s Day on the sign? Nah, that’s not right.

        2. Ball on lip of cup in close up. Cut to Tony Romo opening the beer. Cut to wide shot. No ball on the lip of the cup — they just forgot it. Then, cut to close up, it’s back.

    • Tundra

      That was the worst so far.

      • juris imprudent

        ding-ding-ding

      • Chafed

        See my comment below.

  27. Threedoor

    It took me a while to fight out where all the good commentators had gone from TOS. Met a few of you in meat space. Great people.

    • Threedoor

      Figure.

      • R.J.

        You can fight it out with the TOS editors. They are pussies.

    • tripacer

      I think Plinker carries most of the commenting weight in our region. I miss Salted. She did good work here too.

  28. Mojeaux

    Well, now.

  29. Chafed

    If anything will make EVs successful, it’s featuring more of them in Netflix’s series. 🙄

  30. mexican sharpshooter

    6 years?

    I need a cigarette

    • Chafed

      That’s extra.

      /Winston’s Mom

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I ain’t paying $58 for a cigarette

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Missed tackles do not win super bowls.

    • R.J.

      Neither do these commercials. Oy! Total crap. Only Cocaine Bear had a good ad.

      • R.J.

        What was that damn M&Ms commercial? It was unfathomable. Somebody paid $7 million for that.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        It shows that all the “controversy” a couple weeks back was staged. That commercial was probably filmed more than a month ago.

        Fuck this culture.

      • Chafed

        I didn’t understand it at all.

      • juris imprudent

        What’s up with Ray Liotta – is he taking casting tips from Nick Cage?

      • Chafed

        I’m pretty sure he died.

      • juris imprudent

        He’s credited in this, and I asked because I saw him in the trailer.

      • juris imprudent

        Hell of a thing to be your final piece of work.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He’s with Billy Batts now unfortunately.

      • Ted S.

        At least we still have Lou Reed.

      • Michael Malaise

        The only good one so far for me was The Farmer’s Dog spot. Simple, honest, emotional.

      • rhywun

        Only Cocaine Bear had a good ad.

        lol just saw that

        It looks like a future Thursday night pick.

  32. Scruffyy Nerfherder

    I see Google is going full Stalin with the photo editing

    • rhywun

      Someone get erased?

      • Ted S.

        Vince Clarke and Andy Bell?

      • rhywun

        They just wanted a little respect.

  33. trshmnstr the terrible

    Happy anniversary glibs! May all your Smiths be Steved and your asses be drugged.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Well I’m halfway there

    • Don escaped Texas

      I laffed

    • R.J.

      Whee! Enjoying the anniversary and super bowl while outside. Getting chilly.
      I remember I joined Glibs after the Great Purge of unused accounts. I had no chance to write intelligent thought-provoking pieces, so I just brought the snark. Tonio is a great guy who helped me shape GlibFlicks. Glad to be here! All you lurkers should join the party.

  34. Brochettaward

    They trotted out Damar Hamlin to sit next to Goodell and the Kelce mom. Black guy sitting on the edge looking awkward as fuck as two old white people hold court.

  35. Count Potato

    Six years? Holy Fuck.

    Happy Anniversary!

  36. The Bearded Hobbit

    The last time I watched the Sooper Bowl for the ads,

    maybe 25% were funny
    50% were ads
    the remainder were all-out offensive (dopey dad has to be corrected by all-knowing daughter/wife)

    I’m guessing that it was 20 years ago.

    In 2003 we skipped the hype to attend a Savoy Brown concert. There were 8 people in the audience. I got my CD’s autographed by Kim Simmons (note: he was shorter than me).

    TCM tonite.

    • Don escaped Texas

      I never watched for the halftime, and I know this is generational, but I cared ever so slightly, but then this string ended 12 years ago

      Who
      Petty
      Bruce
      Prince
      Stones
      no particular order

      • Chafed

        No love for Aerosmith?

      • Don escaped Texas

        no objection, but the string of cool gets broken going back to them

        I merely observe that they had things demographically planed out but then tacked off for other ports

      • Chafed

        And those were all good half-time shows.

      • rhywun

        Rock music is so played

  37. Brochettaward

    NFL’s officiating propagandist – isn’t important if the ball moved but whether it left the hand.

    Two weeks ago when overturning Bengals TD – the ball moved.

    • juris imprudent

      Apparently the NFL rule is hold onto the ball, even after your KNEE is down out of bounds because the play isn’t over until you hand the ball to the referee.

  38. Scruffyy Nerfherder

    Aaarrrgghhh…

    Rental car is a BMW. Took me ten minutes to figure out how to lock the damn doors.

    • Grosspatzer

      Ah, German (over) engineering.

    • Ted S.

      With the key.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Actually no…

      • Rebel Scum

        Proximity to the key with a touch sensor on the handle?

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Nope

        You can’t force it to lock. You have to walk away and just hope it does when the key goes out of range.

      • Rebel Scum

        That’s…odd.

      • Count Potato

        That’s straight up retarded.

  39. Dr. Fronkensteen

    Eagles up by 10 and Mahommes is hurt. Not looking good for the Chiefs

    • Mojeaux

      Nope.

      • creech

        Never underestimate a Philly sports team’s chances of blowing it.

  40. Count Potato

    These commercials suck infected yak balls.

    How hard is it to get Paris Hilton in a skimpy outfit eating a cheeseburger? I thought this was America!

      • Brochettaward

        Well, with modern plastic surgery, it really depends on which part of her body you are talking about.

      • Don escaped Texas

        ship of Theseus

      • juris imprudent

        Damn at first I was thinking Odysseus and wondering about being tied to the mast.

      • Don escaped Texas

        Aja is my favorite album

      • Mojeaux

        ❤️❤️❤️

      • Don escaped Texas

        my intro for Josie sounds less like Larry Carlton and more like Billy Gibbons and Duane Allman had a baby who got into the liquor cabinet about four hours ago

      • Count Potato

        Still hot though. Or you know, get someone else or whatever.

        I think the reason commercials suck is that they can’t be edgy or funny or sexy or anything is that people will feign outrage.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        She’s still attractive, not quite as pretty as her bank account though.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Huh, she must be the only rich person left that smokes cigarettes.

  41. ron73440

    I can’t believe it’s been 6 years.

    This place is my main online habit.

    I have met a few of you in real life and that’s always been a good time.

    Rihanna is about to sing, the only thing I know about her is she got beat up once.

    Not my type of music for sure

    • Ted S.

      I think it was more than once.

    • juris imprudent

      I got to meet DEG on our fall New England trip couple of years back, then a whole bunch last summer in upstate NY. I’ll meet more of you at this year’s Honey Harvest.

    • Rebel Scum

      Not my type of music for sure

      It’s not under my umbrella either.

    • rhywun

      Yeah, I aged out of “shitty pop music” several decades ago.

    • creech

      I can hear it in the next room. Absolutely no interest in leaving the Glibs to go watch.

  42. The Late P Brooks

    Beef short ribs cooked in beer, over wild rice = muy bueno.

    • Don escaped Texas

      carne asada con frijoles negra cubano

      mi havanese es muy malo

    • Rebel Scum

      Ribeyes with some SPG in a cast-iron skillet with butter seared to a perfect medium and roasted potatoes.

      • Rebel Scum

        People say to keep the sabbath holy. I keep it savory.

    • rhywun

      Bacon burger with American cheese, pickles, re-hydrated onion bits, and A1 on an English muffin.

    • creech

      Why didn’t they mention that Dr. Jill and her husband were in that car?

    • Chafed

      Sure. Why not? When they wake up tomorrow they will still be living in Philadelphia.

  43. Shpip

    Rihanna comes out for the halftime show.

    Bosslady: Why are they all wearing hazmat suits?
    Me: I dunno — I think it’s supposed to be the world’s most elaborate PrEP ad.

    • rhywun

      lol

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Lol

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      She looked pregnant.

      • KSuellington

        My wife said the same thing. I looked it up and she had her first kid last May. Weird that she was so covered up.

      • Michael Malaise

        I think she is actually pregnant again.

      • Zwak says Your Husband is a Polar Bear, Skinny.

        Irish twins.

  44. Timeloose

    Wow 6 years. I was a very regular reader, but never commented at TOS for ten or more years. As soon as I detected that all of the commenters left I search for the new site and decided I needed to try to participate instead of just observing. I’m very glad I did.

    Congratulations and thanks everyone.

    • Don escaped Texas

      I noticed the dropoff at TOS. Gilmore was (is?) my favorite, and I had wondered why he wasn’t around as much. I think Brooks gave me the link.

    • Allen

      So glad you guys are here. I’m mostly a lurker, but love all the conversations that I see here.

      Thanks to everyone who keeps this site alive.

  45. Rebel Scum

    Thankfully they could sync up to stay in formation.

    For the first time, the U.S. Navy jet flyover before kickoff at the Super Bowl was piloted by a team of all women.

    Four planes flew in formation over State Farm Stadium in Glendale, Arizona, on Sunday, commemorating 50 years since women were allowed to become U.S. Navy pilots. The flyover followed the national anthem ahead of the contest between the Philadelphia Eagles and Kansas City Chiefs.

      • Rebel Scum

        At publishing time, the team pushed back their arrival another ten minutes after one of the pilots burned out her landing gear taxiing with the parking brake on.

        Gold.

  46. kinnath

    I started hanging out at TOS around 2004. It was once a great place to be. It’s a shame what it turned into.

    Thanks to the Glibs for providing safe harbor to the refugees.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      I started in 09, I think. I’m still there a couple times a week, but it’s a shithole these days. Between The Pretenders who run the joint, and several fucks in the comments who ruin virtually every thread, it’s not even a shell of its former self. It’s a skin suit.

      • rhywun

        I’ve been there maybe twice in the last six years. Quick in and out.

  47. Fourscore

    I don’t always get up early but when I do it’s straight to the Glib World.

    I lurked here for a while before I registered. TOS, 6 years ago, was a hot bed of infested discourse of evil. Even when a couple came here and started to hijack the discussions I was happy to see them get the boot.

    I have more time than some people so I can go back and read articles that I may have missed. Thanks to all, hope to see a big crowd for HH. Bees have been ordered, delivery is May 6th. Special thanks to Tonio for making my gibberish readable.

      • Fourscore

        Better anyway.

    • Gender Traitor

      I don’t always get up early but when I do it’s straight to the Glib World.

      This. I get up a lot earlier than I have to on workdays so I can sip my coffee and hang with the pre-AM Lynx commenters. My favorite way to start the day.

    • db

      It’s not gibberish, it’s Glibberish!

  48. ron73440

    Do we need a movie about Micheal Jordan and Nike?

    • trshmnstr the terrible

      There are a lot of things we don’t need. A pregnant Rhianna in some weird corset windbreaker thing. Insufferable wokeness. Terry Bradshaw. That weird M&Ms commercial.

      • Michael Malaise

        ” A pregnant Rhianna in some weird corset windbreaker thing”

        I give her props for performing pregnant about 300 feet in the air.

  49. Count Potato

    Oh bullshit!

  50. Scruffyy Nerfherder

    Looked pretty complete to me

    • ron73440

      #metoo

    • The Gunslinger

      Welcome to the new NFL and “football move”.

      COMPLETED OR INTERCEPTED PASS

      A player who makes a catch may advance the ball. A forward pass is complete (by the offense) or intercepted (by the defense) in the field of play, at the sideline, or in the end zone if a player, who is inbounds:

      a. secures control of the ball in his hands or arms prior to the ball touching the ground; and

      b. touches the ground inbounds with both feet or with any part of his body other than his hands; and

      c. after (a) and (b) have been fulfilled, performs any act common to the game (e.g., tuck the ball away, extend it forward, take an additional step, turn upfield, or avoid or ward off an opponent), or he maintains control of the ball long enough to do so.

      • ron73440

        He turned upfield to me.

      • The Gunslinger

        Watching live I said right away they would rule it incomplete. It was just too fast to turn upfield before the ball came out.

  51. Tundra

    Bullshit.

    That was not an incomplete.

    • Rebel Scum

      I looked away. Did the KC injuns not get the TD?

      • R.J.

        Made two, the one reversed. Happened while I was chasing Spaniard’s dog for eating the chicken wings.

  52. ron73440

    I was never in the “watch the superbowl for the commercials” crowd, but I do remember when they were entertaining.

    This year isn’t as God awful as the last couple years, but still not funny.

    It seems to be “let’s shoehorn a celebrity into this bland commercial” year

    • Brochettaward

      Apparently, being likable or well-liked is not a prerequisite to getting a Super Bowl commercial. We’ve seen Amy Schumer and Brie Larson get ads tonight. Larson got to femsplain to that dum-dum Joe Hamm.

    • rhywun

      The Bud Light one I just saw was… surprisingly good.

      • ron73440

        Were they famous?

        My wife thinks the woman is, but it’s
        hard to tell with those swollen lips

      • rhywun

        My wife thinks the woman is, but it’s
        hard to tell with those swollen lips

        My exact thought. I have a hard time identifying anyone recent-decade famous; I hope they were just nobodies. It was a cute commercial – no bullshit.

      • Michael Malaise

        Miles Teller (Top Gun:Maverick) and his real-life wife.

      • slumbrew

        I was too busy excitedly telling everyone “it’s the Cisco hold music!” to even realize that was Teller.

      • slumbrew

        Also, Teller will forever be “the Whiplash kid” for me. What a spectacular movie.

    • Brochettaward

      I just want to know who is funding all the progressive Jesus commercials.

      • R.J.

        W.E.F.

  53. Count Potato

    The Bud Light commercial was cute.

    • db

      “You’re on hold for seven minutes? Baby, I only need four.”

  54. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    6 years? I guess we’re not getting any more BJs then.

  55. ron73440

    Well, I feel better, football players care about me.

  56. The Gunslinger

    I’d like to know what they gave Mahomes at halftime to fix his ankle. Maybe I can get some.

    • Rebel Scum
      • The Gunslinger

        That’s not exactly what I was hoping for.

      • Gender Traitor

        Jazz bath! 😃🎷

    • Count Potato

      toradol?

      • Mojeaux

        They gave him a coca leaf to chew on.

      • Michael Malaise

        My “ask Cocaine Bear” comment got erased.

  57. ron73440

    All these dog commercials make my wife happy.

  58. Rebel Scum

    This is a novel idea from the gun-grabbers.

    Colorado’s lawmakers have begun working on firearms legislation, including legislation to allow counties to bar discharging weapons on private properties, a proposal that has brought into sharp focus not just the ideological but also the rural and urban divisions at the state Capitol. …

    House lawmakers on Wednesday approved a bill to lift state preemption that keeps a county from passing an ordinance to prohibit the discharge of a firearm on private property and in unincorporated parts of a county.

    Rep. Judy Amabile, D-Boulder, who sponsored House Bill 1165, described it as a response to what’s happening in Boulder, Gilpin and Clear Creek counties, which, she said, is increasingly getting complaints from residents that neighbors are discharging firearms in a manner they claim is unsafe or create a nuisance.

    “People move to rural communities for peace and quiet,” she said, adding they aren’t getting it.

    This argument is shooting from the hip.

    • db

      adding they aren’t getting it

      Yes, someone is clearly not getting why you move to a rural area.

      • Michael Malaise

        I’m sure the police are immune.

    • Michael Malaise

      “prohibit the discharge of a firearm on private property ”

      What in the actual fuck?

    • Brochettaward

      It’s all OK. TOS assures me that Colorado has the most libertarian governor in the country.

    • Don escaped Texas

      went off half cocked

  59. ron73440

    After seeing Ozzy just now, I told my wife if I start to look like an old woman I will cut my hair.

    • ron73440

      My wife said they are trying to remind us how good they used to be, but it reminds her how bad they have become.

    • Mojeaux

      They do when they buy EV trucks.

      • Chafed

        Wait until people actually start using these things to tow. The horror stories will be legendary.

      • Mojeaux

        That’s what I’m sayin’.

      • Chafed

        *high five*

      • db

        Anything for an emergency charge I guess

      • db

        Anyone want to pitch in to build Tonio a generator/charge trailer so he can prowl the interstates?

      • db

        Scratch that, I’m going into business myself

      • Pat

        Something about the soft glow of a lithium fire really sets the mood.

  60. Rebel Scum

    Squirrel joke to lighten the mood.

    The last six years have been nuts.

    • The Gunslinger

      It’s been Rocky at times.

  61. Brochettaward

    Game tied at 35. We’ve seen like one single defensive play all day and it was the result of Hurts fucking up switching the ball from his right to left hand on a designed run.

    Just how the NFL wants things.

    • R.J.

      Thanks. I just drove home, turning on tv now

    • Don escaped Texas

      where have you gone, Ham and Lambert
      our nation turns its lonely eyes to you

    • ron73440

      Better than my original prediction, I thought it would be 50-55

  62. Gustave Lytton

    Six years?? Jeezus. Love you all.

    *pours out 40 for missing Glibs*

  63. Brochettaward

    The refs are doing that thing again! Just like they did last year where they ate their flags until the team going for the go-ahead score needed a new set of downs, and then suddenly they call ticky tacky bullshit on the secondary!

    • Rebel Scum

      Didn’t look like holding to me.

    • Grummun

      It’s not the first BS call in this game.

  64. Rebel Scum

    That guy went down when he clearly had the TD…

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Luckily they killed the clock and got the field goal. Risky though since he had a sure fire TD

    • Shpip

      Well, yeah. He was told to.

      Would you rather hand Philly the ball back with them down seven but 1:40 on the clock, or down three with eight seconds to play?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        ^^

        99.99999% win if you slide at the 1. 95% win if you score on that play.

      • Rebel Scum

        It Hurts but I get it.

    • ron73440

      I hate chicken shit football

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        This is why baseball is the best sport. There’s no way to avoid playing the game with clock tricks. You have to throw the ball over the plate and give the opposition a fair shot.

  65. creech

    What did I tell you, Moje.

    • Mojeaux

      You did indeed say so.

    • juris imprudent

      I think the KC OC should get some credit – those were some halftime adjustments.

      • R.J.

        When you go in the locker room and the coaches are cleaning their pistols, thats a big motivator.

  66. Michael Malaise

    Refs deciding big games is not a good look for the NFL. I mean, that hold was pretty ticky-tack.

    • hayeksplosives

      Yup. My thoughts coming into the game were, since I didn’t really have a preference for the winner, we’re 1) please no terrible injuries 2) please no terrible officiating.

      • rhywun

        Barely paid any attention. Now it’s all loudmouth trash talking and Gordon Ramsay isn’t even on yet.

      • Zwak says Your Husband is a Polar Bear, Skinny.

        Trash food has to go with trash talk.

    • db

      For sure

      • Chafed

        +1

    • juris imprudent

      I wouldn’t complain if they had called the whole game that way. It’s the last minute watch us tighten up that sucks.

      • Chafed

        So much this. Either call it tight or loose. Just do it the same way the whole game.

      • Zwak says Your Husband is a Polar Bear, Skinny.

        My opinion, which is worth shit, is get rid of all the instant replays, have refs make the calls. What they see is what you get.

      • Michael Malaise

        These “is it a catch?” reviews are excruciating. These guys make amazing plays on the ball and it’s like “well it jiggled a little bit as you were COMPLETELY OUT OF BOUNDS after getting three feet it.”

      • hayeksplosives

        Exactly, Chafed.

        It should be predictable.

        Are they on the take? I dont want to think so.

  67. Rebel Scum

    It’d be funny if someone released the wrong color confetti. I assume the colors for both teams are prepped for the end of the game.

  68. ron73440

    I still hate Travis Kelce

  69. Mojeaux

    There are a lot of people in my neighborhood with massive fireworks budgets.

    • db

      Enjoy!

    • Count Potato

      Congrats!

  70. Count Potato

    NORTHWELL CAN EAT MY ASS

    • Chafed

      Did you just summon Heroic Mulatto?

  71. Chafed

    Is Andy Reid wearing a really big shirt or is that a custom mumu? Serious question. I knew the guy was big but now he looks plain old obese.

    • Brochettaward

      He’s going to have to get another tummy tuck or whatever the fuck he did the first time to lose weight.

    • db

      His McDonald’s smock will hang forever in the Hall of Fame.

    • Mojeaux

      He’s lost weight.

      • Chafed

        What? Are you joking?

      • Mojeaux

        I am not kidding. It’s most obvious in his face.

      • Chafed

        Holy shit. He needs an intervention. He is going to eat himself to death.

      • dbleagle

        But he will be buried with two rings.

        AKA One more than Rogers.

      • hayeksplosives

        He lost a lot of weight after his son committed suicide. Very sad tale, Tony Dungy also had a son who offed himself, and the two coach/fathers bonded over that.

  72. Grummun

    Also,

    any other established, pro-grade, contributors.

    *cough* UCS *cough*

    • hayeksplosives

      Fuck Roger Goodell

      • juris imprudent

        Like in Trading Places and he’s in the gorilla suit.

      • Rat on a train

        Would you settle for Top Secret cow disguise?

      • Grummun

        UCS is secretly Roger Goodell?

  73. Brochettaward

    I’m pretty sure the official rule on DPI and holding is that the ball has to be fucking catchable. Not that it has mattered or been mentioned much since the ’90’s.

    • Chafed

      Pretty sure the call was holding, not DPI.

      • juris imprudent

        Yep and holding is before the ball is thrown, so catchable never comes into play.

    • KSuellington

      I won $100 from that call but I agree that it was absolutely bullshit.

  74. Chafed

    How many property crime cases will Larry Krasner dismiss tomorrow?

    • Pat

      Relatedly, which insurance company will declare bankruptcy tomorrow?

      • juris imprudent

        Wouldn’t it be cheaper for them to take a hit out on Krasner?

      • Chafed

        Lol.

  75. kinnath

    is the game over? if so, who won?

    • rhywun

      Bud Light.

      • Chafed

        They did have one of the better commercials.

    • R.J.

      Kansas City, by a field goal.

  76. dbleagle

    Now I have to get to Oceania or Africa and pick up a Eagles Super Bowl Champions shirt for cheap.

    • hayeksplosives

      That’s hilarious. I was just explaining to my Aussie once and future coworker that the losing team merch goes to Africa. He was appropriately amused.

  77. Zwak says Your Husband is a Polar Bear, Skinny.

    Yep, drinkin’ beer and dead threadin’

    Livin’ the life.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Ain’t nothing wrong with that…it’s like sitting by the river waiting for smod

  78. hayeksplosives

    OKAY! Splosives is in da house. Any one zooming?

    • Mojeaux

      I’m knackered. I had a bit of an existential crisis there at the beginning of the third quarter because I’m like, “Why is this important?” So anyway, it’s my normal night off from transcription, so I’m going to bed.

      • hayeksplosives

        LOL. Rest well, my dear.

  79. creech

    Streets in Philly quiet. Spin it: Hurts offense best Mahomes offense even with vaunted Eagles pass rush being contained. Crappy punt coverage, a fumble, and questionable ref call. See you next year Andy and Pat.

  80. hayeksplosives

    ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM! do I have to host it?

    • slumbrew

      Sorry, missy – meetings starting at 9 and a shocking amount of email and messages to go through after taking Thursday & Friday off.

      Mazel tov on the change – sounds like you’re doing the right thing. 👍

      • hayeksplosives

        im currently in the zoom by myself bur feel free to jump in. I will give up in a while i guess if no one joins,

      • Ownbestenemy

        We did a turn around trip to LA for grand niece bday. All pooped and tired

      • PudPaisley

        Do you need a password to join? I’ve got some free time and have been thinking about getting on some of these zooms.

      • hayeksplosives

        I dont think a password is needed, I just have to “admit” anyone who clicks to join.

      • Shpip

        That was fun while it lasted. Glad I gave the zoom thing a try.

      • PudPaisley

        Me too. It was a good test run for next time.

      • hayeksplosives

        Right on! Maybe next time the Zoom host will be more skilled than I.

        Thanks for the company.

      • Penguin

        I think unless you have an ‘official account’, it limits your Zoom meets to 30 minutes.

      • Penguin

        Note: “official” = “paid”

      • PudPaisley

        Nice meeting you and Shpip.

  81. hayeksplosives

    Well alright. I guess you all have lives and shit.

    I am in a weird place and would welcome any chat, so hit me up at my hayeksplosives at the protonmail, or just call me at 612-619-3697. Fuck it; i will be throwing that phone into the harbor in a month or two. I get so many spam calls on there I don’t fear typing out the number.

    • Ownbestenemy

      You alright? I can chat on zoom if needed?

      • hayeksplosives

        I wouldn’t say “alright” but I am vertical.

        Had a free zoom with a couple of glibs before Zoom booted us out because we werent fancy enough. Just ended before I could upgrade and all that.

      • Penguin

        Oh, OK. It gave me the nastygram reply. I figured I was too late.

      • hayeksplosives

        Hey, Baked. You da man.

      • hayeksplosives

        dude i’d totally welcome a new zoom. I am definitely not at my strongest right now.

      • Penguin

        For anyone still around, and Hi-X: impromptu meeting. About 28 minutes left.

  82. hayeksplosives

    Tomorrow I get to resign via email. Sucks. Never done it that unprofessionally, but I think my boss will understand. He’s on vacation for a couple of weeks so it’s even worse,

    Going to have to FedEx my laptop, phone, badge, Do the security debrief by phone. I will let my coworkers have my “spoils”: a nice print of General Grant, a print of the sinking of the Bismarck, a taxidermied squirrel.

    Maybe i can sneak in a cheeky flight to Vegas and a trip to my office to collect my personal stuff. I’d like to do that.

  83. Penguin

    Well, if nobody else is going to do it Zoom

  84. PudPaisley

    Nice talking Hayek and Peguin. I need to go to bed, way past my bedtime.

  85. hayeksplosives

    Dammit, i am going to try Teams. I know that works. stand by…

    • hayeksplosives

      dood, i just did teams. It wont expire. I will try to be on both!

    • hayeksplosives

      The zoom doesnt seem to work,

      Try the MS Teams!

    • Penguin

      OK, good talking with both of you.

      • hayeksplosives

        Good night! Time for bed for sure.

        Take care, everyone.

  86. Sean

    Morning y’all.

    • Shirley Knott

      Morning Sean, et al

      • Sean

        😉 ☕

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, Sean, Shirley, U, Roat, and Old Man! (Great to see you here! Hope all’s well!)

    • Rat on a train

      The snow drought continues here. Many a government employee has complained about the lack of days off this year.

    • Rat on a train

      coping
      Philadelphia doesn’t disappoint.

      • rhywun

        “I might even look outside and watch those crazy kids get their skulls bashed in by our wonderful boys in blue.”

        One wonders how much of this is egged on by the cops and other city employees.

        Everyone in the pictures seems to be having a good time, at least until the cops started pushing them around.

    • Old Man With Candy

      He left off “riot and burn cars.” Philly is a city of tradition.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Burning cars is so passe’

        These days it’s mobrob a Wawa and play the knock-out game.

    • UnCivilServant

      A (hundred) penny-ante thief?

    • Rat on a train

      Robinson allegedly robbed a Subway restaurant on Nov 15, 2022. On Nov. 19, he robbed a Tobacco Outlet, and the next day he robbed a Dollar General Store. On Nov. 22, Robinson robbed an Advanced Auto Parts store, a Firehouse Subs restaurant, and the Lemon Pepper restaurant, the DOJ said.

      He took advice to diversify. Also more FYTW federal charges.

      • Grosspatzer

        robbed a Tobacco Outlet

        Off with his head!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Often rural, customers use cash, employees don’t give a shit…they’re ripe for the picking.

  87. Smilin' Joe Fission

    Can’t believe it has been 6 years… thank gawd for this site during the last few. Not sure how I would have gotten myself through the covid times without this little hide out of sanity.

    Thanks to all the fine people who run this site and the commenters who fill it with mad scribblings. To 6 more years!

    • Gender Traitor

      Hear hear! I’ll see your 6 and raise you 60 more years! 😃

      (And good morning to you! Come around and speak up more often!)

      • Gender Traitor

        I’m going to guess that fission is your stock-in-trade, but just for you, here’s a song about the fun kind.

      • UnCivilServant

        For the last half century we’ve been telling people there will be good jobs in Fusion in ten years.

        I think it’s down to five now.

      • Gender Traitor

        Maybe in twenty years it’ll be down to four!

        (Alternately, they’ll say, “Nuclear stuff? Oh, no – we meant there’ll be good jobs in jazz fusion!”)

      • UnCivilServant

        There’s already plenty of Fusion restaurants, though I’m not sure those are good jobs. (Dealing with the public is not my idea of a good job)

      • Gender Traitor

        So…no long-term plans to have a second career as a Walmart greeter in retirement?

      • UnCivilServant

        I don’t even like going into walmart if I can help it.

      • Rat on a train

        As X approaches N, Y approaches but never reaches 0.

      • UnCivilServant

        However at X+ΔX, for some values of N, Y<0

      • Gender Traitor

        I WAS TOLD THERE’D BE NO MATH ON THIS SITE!

      • robodruid

        Is that coming in from the right or left.
        I remember some math where it made a difference.

      • UnCivilServant

        Sorry, this is a three dimensional plot, what range of Z-values are we looking from?

      • Rat on a train

        Z values are government grants of course.

      • UnCivilServant

        Ah, so we’re always looking at it from the left then.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Joe lives!

      Thought maybe you had gone for one too many swims in the cooling pool.

    • Grosspatzer

      Mornin ‘, fellow reprobate, long time no see!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie (and Stinky and Ssccrruuffyy!) Around here, we only seem to get Philly-style celebrations in the U of Dayton “ghetto” on those rare occasions when the Flyers actually make it into March Madness.

      • Grosspatzer

        Flyers. The yutes are just trying to emulate the fans of a namesake hockey team in Philadelphia.

      • Gender Traitor

        A-HEM!! We are the Birthplace of Aviation, thankyouverymuch!!

      • Gender Traitor

        ::narrows gaze::

  88. DEG

    Mornin’ all.

    Six years. That’s a good start.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m wondering about the user statistics.

      How many active commenters do we have?

      How many Lurkers?

      How many people have abandoned us?

      • Rat on a train

        How many are feds?

        How many lists are we on?

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Do the Feds outnumber the actual glibs?

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Too slow…

      • robodruid

        You talking about feds who are gibs or feds who watch gibs?

      • Rat on a train

        Feds who are watching other feds trying to find the non-feds to encourage them to do something the feds can act on?