As of tonight, “rapist robots” will enter the Glib vocabulary. For better or worse. See robots on the left.
When I was growing up, there was a legendary film. Supposedly it was a porno, mostly science fiction and the adults thought it was hilarious. Us peeps under the age of 18 only heard of it in stories. It was the cult film lovers’ cult film, a film that you couldnât even get at the rental store. You had to go down to the porn store and buy a copy, or you had to have a friend make you a copy from a tape that had been copied so much it was like watching it through a screen door in the snow.
That film is Flesh Gordon. And it is a dirty film, make no mistake. Probably best to not watch this at work. Maybe it did deserve an X rating in 1974. Nowadays this should be on NetFlix with the other blue films, which you should also not watch at work. Itâs just not that extreme by todayâs standards. Yet here we are having to watch it off of Internet Archive. At least in 2020 you can get a copy of Flesh Gordon (and its sequel) from Amazon. So what happened? Why is this still so obscure?
The is a film which refused to be categorized. Itâs Sci Fi, itâs a porn (kind of. Not too hard.), itâs a loving tribute to Flash Gordon. A lot of heart went into this. Itâs not a quick buck kind of film. It has a stop motion monster in it that was tribute to Ray Harryhausen. The Flash Gordon spaceship was recreated bent slightly, to look like a dick. The actors really âput outâ for this film. Heh heh. And you know what else? Itâs funny.
So letâs talk some film history. Howard Ziehm co-produced this, he was one of the original guys who began the blue film industry. A lot of famous people worked on the special effects, among them, Rick Baker. Our good friends at IMDB mention that this film was nominated for an Oscar for visual effects, however the academy decided to not award a visual effect Oscar at all because âthere werenât enough films with visual effects in 1974.â Yeah, screw the academy. They didnât want to give one to a porn that was funny and creative.
This film was written and directed by the team of Michael Benveniste and William Dennis Hunt. Benveniste was not with us very long, he passed less than ten years after this movie came out. William Hunt was an actor in 48 films and TV shows, including Evan Almighty, Frasier, Star Trek Deep Space Nine and Everybody Hates Chris. He never wrote again after Flesh Gordon. The actor who portrayed Flesh Gordon was Jason Williams, who wrote a book about the experience entitled âI was Flesh Gordon.â I have not read it but GoodReads and other places rank this highly.
It’s women’s history month, so let’s talk about some historical women:
- Candy Samples, one of the more famous 1970s porn stars, is in this. That link is NSFW.
- Suzanne Fields plays Dale Ardor, girlfriend of Flesh Gordon. She was a veteran of 65 blue films before this one! And this was her last film until this past year when she is going to be in a film called Apparitions. She thought her career in porno was “prettty funny.”
- Last but hardly least is a name you might recognize! Bjo Trimble also worked on this film at the time, as a makeup artist.
I hope you enjoy tonightâs most obscure yet famous films. What damned this film to semi-obscurity? For one thing, an âXâ rating which back then was the kiss of death. Also it got labeled as a funny novelty. I think that is what really damned this in the eyes of Puritan America. Funny means novelty, not to be taken seriously here in the states. Irritating but true. So buck the trend and watch! Or donât! Everything is voluntary until someone shoots you with a fuck ray! The next few weeks we will continue to celebrate Women’s History month with:
- Giantess Attack vs. Mecha-Fembot! on March 9th,
- And a double feature/make your own adventure of Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama and the remake from 2022Â for March 16th!
IMPORTANT NOTE: Internet Archive is a little wonky. It is unlikely the movie will play the first time âPlayâ is clicked. Be patient, you may have to try up to three times to get it to start playing the film. Chrome, Safari or FireFox are recommended. Microsoft browsers get grouchy. This movie will play, it was tested by the crack GlibFlick team over Christmas break. This is the only way I can get some of these films, so I apologize for any inconvenience.
*hits play*
“Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama and the remake from 2022”
I’m assuming the original is better?
Ohh… Yes. Ok, yes. It is better. But there are advantages to the new version, including a shorter run time and more action.
Ummmm….today?
I smoke a lot of crack when I write these. Next week.
“the crack GlibFlick team”
Indeed. Hinting subtly at my depravity.
So it will be Mecha Fembot on March 16th and Bowlarama on the 23rd. In all seriousness, I had to crank out three posts last week to prep for vacation so I lost track of dates.
OK, I’ll probably won’t be here on the 23rd, but I’ll still watch it some other time.
It’s on Tubi, will be for a long while. It’s absolutely wild.
Sorry, that was in reference to Mecha Fembot. I am trying to do too much at once. Almost done packing for tomorrow.
Owie! đ¨
I am planning up a Macho Month to do barbarian and Hercules films, based on some feedback…
*perks ears*
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Looking forward to a Steve Reeves movie?
Not familiar with his body of work, TBH.
Conan!
First good line:
“Sir! I’ve got a giant boner sir!”
A plane with wicker chairs?
Yes. The Ford Trimotor could be so equipped. The one on display at the Yankee Air Museum has those. Saves a lot of weight. Hope this link works.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/brb_pictures/50004600983
Holy shit, that’s real. I thought it was just silly set design.
We can all learn from 70s porn.
There was a copy of Flesh Gordan at one of the local Vidja shops when I was growing up, on BETA even! But my friend Jonno and I never quite had the stones (as 12year olds) to take it up to the counter and attempt to rent.
Now you can see it with no shame. I had it on VHS, had to go to a porno store to get it. It was the same rated X version we are watching tonight. The rated R version which ended up getting a wider release was missing a lot of parts.
I have no idea if that was R or X, but my guess would be R.
Then again, I grew up in a college town, so you never know. I do remember some of the other shops had “back rooms” where they kept porno*, and friends told me they saw the high school drama teacher come out of there once. Dude, it was a small town, someone is gonna see and let the other kids know.
*I prefer the O at the end for VHS or 8mm era smut.
Heh yeah, “porno” definitely has a 70s, 80s vibe.
This is nigh-king of the furry, Sherwood forest 70s pornos that ruled before the Great Depiladation.
I like a big bush…
https://youtu.be/QbdCj7gaBuQ?t=103
“high school drama teacher”
So you are saying they had a gay section?
I don’t think he was gay, as no one remarked on the movie being oriented that way. Asshole? Yes, most definitely.
Didn’t such films used to be called “smokers?”
The key to the penis space ship has a Volkswagen key fob!
I had never noticed before!
This flick is a classic!
I first saw it at a Midnight Movie sometime in the late 70’s and later owned it on VHS.
From the wonderfully bad acting, to the wonderfully bad makeup, to the wonderfully bad script, to the wonderfully bad revert to claymation at the end when their money ran out, this is the king of wonderfully bad movies.
I didn’t know that Dale Ardor was a pro; she always looked like she was confused, “Am I in the right movie?”
There were times in my tortured youth that I wanted a sex ray in the worst way.
I am finding so many new lines I had forgotten. Especially nicknames:
“Your Assholiness”
“Your Protruberance”
All excellent fodder for future snark.
I had remembered that this was originally released as “hard X” with lots of the old in n’ out and I think that this was the version I saw in the 70’s. Legend says that the producers realized that they had a parody hit on their hands, cut the hardcore scenes and re-released it as a “hard-R” which is common, now.
Wikipedia has a different version, saying that the true porno was never released. Don’t know, I was usually pretty drunk at the Midnite Movies.
Oh, and “power pasties”.
Technically, the “true porno” was not released, this is correct. The film was seized and a judge made the really hardcore stuff get cut out. Fuck that guy. By what right? Anyway, the remaining film was still “rated X.” After all the harassment, loss of money, inability to pay the special effects team, etc… He caved and made an R rated version. In the end that is what made this film famous.
Another interesting fact, partly wrong on the Wikipedia listing. There was an Atari game based on the movie proposed, and potentially under development. I have never even seen a ROM of it and I believe it was never made. Other sources said it was.
I’d ask Justin Whang.
I was about to say âhow about Biggus Dickusâ but then I saw Justin was an actual person.
A true classic. We watched it in my dorm TV Room.
I will have to watch this later since the Thursday Night Bulkhead Race season is on. We race each week for the most important of prizes- free booze.
This link has been good for a while. You should be able to watch it later.
I always like my spaceships to have lowrider tanks.
I’ve never actually seen Flash Gordon so I may give this a go out of curiousity.
Maybe it will cleanse my palette after the derp unleashed on Taibibi earlier. A special shoutout to Debbie Wasserman Schultz who said that his Twitter followers doubled after the Twitter files then stating they tripled. Math is hard.
You’ll like it. Probably the only porno to have lines quoted at school like Monty Python.
You son-of-a-bitch…
Half my Tweeple are flaming proggies and I get so tired of their faith and belief in The Narrativeâ˘.
WildGrannyontheLoose
@WildGrannyLoose
Unless I see him in a pair of handcuff’s, wearing an orange jumpsuit & standing before a judge, I won’t believe anything I read.
He’s gotten away with every single thing so far. And they weren’t little things!
8:17 PM ¡ Mar 9, 2023
What, exactly? What are they? Bullet-point them and then correlate the laws he broke.
Why do they make me want to defend Trump?
But enough about Biden.
JFC I hate my country now. What the hell is wrong with us?
*Eats popcorn
*Watches Flesh Gordon
Nothing over here.
RIGHT?!?!?!?!
I feel the same way.
I haven’t had the opportunity but my response would be something like, “I’ve lived through three* of the five worst presidents in history, and Trump isn’t on the list.”
*Don’t know if you’ve lived through LBJ.
We live in different worlds. There is really no common ground between right and left in this country at this point in time and I don’t see anyway around it. Not only do we perceive reality entirely differently, even with clear video evidence available to us, but we have no real shared values anymore.
I play dumb and say “I haven’t been following politics too closely. Tell me what he’s done.” Huff, puff, nothing, nothing other than they dislike his policies.
Not sure if I should watch this on my work laptop even in incognito mode.
Nope. Wouldn’t do that.
Give it a shot. Let us know how it goes.
If Flesh Gordon is on the table, then I feel like Alice in wonderland should be also.
SO FAR⌠A useable streaming copy has not been produced. Find one and itâs on.
So, Jerry Lewis in The Day the Clown Cried, II?
i… may know someone who has a physical copy. is there a good place to upload it? That is…. I mean, a place for the person I know to upload it?
LBRY/Odysee (it may get taken down on Odysee for copyright). If they’re no longer giving any LBC with new accounts, I should be able to send you some from my Odysee account so you can stake it. Or if the demand is really that high, I’ve recently rented a VPS, I could host it for you guys temporarily.
Thanks, RJ đ
Welcome. I actually am dropping off. I have an early drive to Florida. Next week is some giantess wrestling mania!
đ
Enjoy FL. Hopefully not on the Gulf side – the red tide is brutal. So bad it makes you cough if youâre even near the water.
Come for the free room and board, stay for the free college education.
I’m at a loss to understand what even is the point of this. Like, why am I even paying for this? It makes no sense.
To own the rethuglicans, I think?
They’re not a factor in state politics, at all, anymore.
I can see it burnishing his proggie credentials, maybe? Perhaps to counteract the law’n’order image he cultivated in order to get elected. Dude is like a basket a mixed signals.
It’s an even bigger own against international students or just out of state ones.
It’s time to bug out and nuke the site from orbit.
Let me get out first kthxbai
You are just a rube, then.
From Wikipedia
I’m pretty sure I rented this at a regular video store circa 2000, must have been the R version.
Argle bargle.
I finished my taxes today. First time in many, many years I didn’t have to file State Income tax! (Thank you, Nevada, and thank all of you idiot gambling tourists who allow Nevada to go on without state income tax).
I received my one-time relocation package, which drove up my taxes so that I had to pay $3500 to settle the bill. Not too bad, altogether.
Next year (2023 taxes) will be weird due to being married part of the year. Hopefully I can parlay whatever our divorce agreement is into a situation that benefits us both maximally at the expense of the IRS, who will just hand it to a FedGov that will piss it away on something useless, or worse.
Now that you are divorced, you would be eligible to join a Firster’s Convent. You could devote yourself as a Lady Of The First. It’s not the same as being a Firster, but you would be used as a tool – a vessel, even – for Firsters.
It is a position of chastity, of course. Your duties would include providing sacrifices to The Great Firster and providing water to parched Firsters after they conduct their Firsting rituals.
I get mighty parched after a First.
No state income tax in Washington either (although the Business & Occupation tax is a corporate income tax in everything but name). God knows it hasn’t been for lack of trying. Fortunately, they’d need to amend the state constitution to institute one.
Greenwald with a good deep dive on Taibbi et alâs undeserved and shameful congressional browbeating/threat session:
https://rumble.com/v2cel4c-system-update-show-52.html
Long, about 80 minutes, but good if yâall are interested.
Itâs obvious theyâre all scared. Schumer in particular.
The question is how far they will go.
Considering theyâre willing to transparently lie and prostrate themselves in public, the answer appears to be âAs far as they think they need to go and maybe further for the sake of spiteâ and the myriad of possibilities found within.
Hey, hey, hey!
https://ih0.redbubble.net/image.431811746.0991/poster,840×830,f8f8f8-pad,1000×1000,f8f8f8.jpg
Mornin’. đ
Whatâs Happeninâ? Not a bad show but itâs no Good Times.
“Don’t bootleg music.” – first thing that came to mind about the show.
+1 The Doobie Brothers
Mornin’ all.
Oh, Insomnia, my only friend.
I have come to stay with you, again.
Morning
Good morning, NA, Zwak, Shirley, Stinky, Roat, and Sean!
Well, I’ve made it to Friday morning without a building falling on me…but the week’s not over yet.
I get a five day weekend! Combination of Spring Break and burning use or lose.
Gonna go to Florida and get drunk for the full Spring Break experience? [Disclaimer: I never had the full Spring Break experience.]
It’s a short-distance family trip. The traditional Spring Break didn’t appeal to me when I was in college.
Yeah, that would be worse than the snow that’s falling here.
Good morning ma’am! I hope your day goes well, no building collapses permitted.
Just rain here so far, but we may get some snow showers by Sunday morning.
Good morning, alles!
Gonna try to resume my ânapâ but generally, once Iâm awake after 3am Pacific, itâs a battle.
Good morning, HE! I’m trying to figure out if the time change will make your sleep schedule better or worse, but that’s too much math for the current blood level in my caffeine stream.
I forgot. Itâs that time of year again. At least I am on vacation.
Morning.
Good morning, U! How are you today?
I experienced the joy of filing taxes last night. Owed the government $3500. No idea why the automatic withholdings were so off. But at least it picks a winnerâI didnât give BigGov an interestâfree loan for years.
My taxes are gonna be bonkers this year. debating filing it myself, getting a pro or buying a super expensive software… sigh.
Do you recall whether you had to fill out the new and allegedly improved W-4 (rev. 2020, I believe) when you went to your job in NV? I’ve had fairly recent hires come crying to me claiming not enough was withheld from their pay last year, and I suspect they didn’t pay close attention to the new method of completing that form.
My withholdings are substantially over what I owed using the new form. Granted, I followed the instructions.
I am getting my first fed refund in years because Mrs Rat’s income was down last year.
Paid mine as well. Roughly the same.
Morning.
I had a recruiter call me, eventually they asked if I got the jabs- I told ‘no’.
She basically hang up, allegedly was going to ‘call back’ once she found out how to proceed.
It is illegal in Florida to require the covid jabs without having accommodations(religious etc.).
Is there anything legally I could do?
I honestly don’t care to work for the place, but they are breaking the law, I assume, by not even considering unvaxxed candidates. The corp. she was hiring for is a major employer of people in my field.
I thought they had more or less given up?
I think it was trashmaster who had an awesome religious accommodation letter/doc….. It was AWESOME I submitted it with comments about cherries in it as proof they even read it.
And they didn’t, the fed gov basically paused while all the court stuff was working its way through.
BTW thank you whoever wrote it.
The fed gov may have given up, but true believers in industry haven’t.
They want compliant drones.
Sucks. OTOH, it’s a good way to know that you don’t want to work there. My firm would not hire you. Or me, for that matter, but I am grandfathered in.
I still have it if anybody needs a copy. It’s out of date now, as many of the scientific claims I pussyfooted around in October of 2021 have now been strongly validated.
Sixteen year old Scruffy may or may not have rented this video from the local video store by trying to lower his voice pitch at the checkout counter.
Brings me back to the time I asked a video store if they had The Big Red One, the Lee Marvin flick. No no no cute girl behind the counter, itâs a war movie!
Mornin’, reprobates. Lovely morning fighting a fire at work. Hey guys, if you’re doing changes overnight, you might consider informing your downstream systems.
I will now have my damn coffee.
How to fight a fire
Ah, the ’80s. That lovely decade I spent in a blackout.