125 Comments

  1. WTF

    Still waiting for the Nashville shooter’s manifesto to be released.

    • SDF-7

      I’m sure that’s what Kamala is heading there to talk about, right…..

      Right?

      • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

        “A woman, who said she was a man, did some women doing man things.”

      • R C Dean

        I guess Kamala’s not doing phrasing, either.

    • The Other Kevin

      They’re going to have one big press conference where they release it and also explain the motivation of the Vegas shooter.

      • Nephilium

        The Vegas shooter motivations were released recently. It was due to him being a high roller gambler who felt he wasn’t treated well by a casino, which caused him to start shooting at fans of country music.

        It’s pretty clear once you think about it…

      • Pat

        The most implausible part of the story is that one would need some secondary motivation to shoot fans of country music.

      • Gadfly

        Yeah, that was so transparently BS they should be ashamed it took them so long to come up with it.

      • Ownbestenemy

        There was a Vegas shooting?

      • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

        They’re going to have one big press conference where they release it and also explain the motivation of the Vegas shooter.

        “And then Chi-Chi said to Paul and Arnold…”

  2. Don escaped Texas

    OT cuz I just thought y’all like to see this

    Gilmore’s avatar was Wayne Cochran, and a friend here in Memphis posted a great picture of Wayne I’d never seen.

    Gilmore remains my most missed Glib

  3. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    “A DC neighborhood has been trying to evict a pair of Transformers sculptures—Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, to be precise—for over two years.”

    LOL Georgetown. Buncha douchebags.

    • Pat

      Their owner has held firm so far, but a federal board recently voted that these statues can’t stay in the historic Georgetown neighborhood.

      Won’t they feel silly when the lore comes to life and they have to explain to the real autobots why why removed their statues.

      • SDF-7

        It is DC after all — anything that stands for “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings” can’t be tolerated in the Imperial City.

    • R C Dean

      That’s a doctor who I am willing to say harnessed his superpower of assholishness for good.

    • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

      Douchington, D.C.

  4. Pat

    Just ran across this one last night and it was a delight.

    Apropos of very little, my maternal grandfather was a professional accordionist.

    • SDF-7

      Apropos of even less — the video made me think of the Piano Guys, which made me think of this.

      • Chafed

        New job? Share the good news.

      • Nephilium

        Got the written offer several weeks back and accepted a new position at a different company. Same type of work, just on new systems, in a new environment, supporting different people that will have brand new repetitive issues that I’ll need to deal with. My start date was this week, but I’ve got about a month of training on the new systems (which seems a bit… excessive to me so far) before I really get to start working on things.

      • Chafed

        Congratulations! I hope this means more $$$ for you.

      • DEG

        Excellent

  5. Tonio

    Re, the Transformers statues:

    “[I]n April of 2021 the dispute came before the Old Georgetown Board, a small federal entity that can rule on such matters in the district.”

    I was suspicious as to whether the reporter got the federal part right, but they did. While this sounds weird, ultimately DC is satrapy of the federal government.

    • KSuellington

      Cool word there. I’d never seen it used before and thought it might have been a misspelling. I feel smarter now.

    • Chafed

      I regularly have to remind my daughter attending college there.

      P.S. I saw we are light for content. I’m seeing Steel Panther on Saturday night. I can write it up if there’s interest.

      https://youtu.be/E1JsG9iBThQ

      • Tonio

        Yes, please! We’ve missed you, also them.

      • Chafed

        Will do. I got the Friends With Benefits package so I’m hoping for stories and a photo beyond the show.

      • Tonio

        Also, cool video. Looks like they put GoPro (or similar) cameras on the guitar heads for some interesting POV shots.

      • Chafed

        Exactly right.

    • R C Dean

      “ultimately DC is satrapy of the federal government”

      What isn’t, these days?

  6. SDF-7

    “Microsoft Escalates War Against PlayStation, Nintendo Emulation On Xbox Series X/S”

    I really don’t get the hostility to emulators, Nintendo especially. Being able to sell your classic back catalogue by virtue of putting some time in to keep up emulators for your best selling past hardware, especially now that everything is just a focused x84 environment with unified memory tricks is just throwing money away. I mean, ok — it might cut down on remake sales — but I don’t think it will much (because people seem to buy remasters / remakes anyway for better graphics, add ons, etc.) and I think you’d make it up in the long run anyway.

    Oh well… not a CEO, what do I know and all. Have a good good Friday (friday) folks.

    • UnCivilServant

      Nintendo sells a subscription service to play those old titles. So letting people emulate is competing with their own service.

      • Gadfly

        Playstation does the same.

    • Nephilium

      Nintendo always has been strict with their IP, at least after the some of the most critically panned movies, cartoons, and games ever. It always seems somewhat counterproductive to me.

    • Pat

      I don’t know about anyone else, but I personally deleted all of my vintage game console emulators and the accompanying ROMs 20 years ago as soon as I found out that I was violating the intellectual property of Nintento et al., because piracy is illegal and immoral.

      • robodruid

        probably smart.
        Glad you documented this.

      • R.J.

        *listens for sound of distant lightning strike

      • Lackadaisical

        I certainly wouldn’t play games I’ve already paid for just on my computer instead since that’s more convenient

      • R.J.

        Or a portable Linux device that works better than the original hardware.

  7. DEG

    Midge, Barbie, and Ken spent all their time together. Is Midge a third wheel, or is the relationship a threesome? Who can tell?

    Ken has no balls. How can there be a threesome?

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      He watches?

      • DEG

        Right. Ken sits in the chair while some other guy has fun with Barbie and Midge.

        It’s dunce cap time for me.

    • R.J.

      KEN IS SMOOTH, LIKE BABY!

    • creech

      Ken used to be straight, right? My wife once told me she found our 8 or 9 yr. old daughter playing with naked Ken and Barbie. She was thrusting Ken, on top, into Barbie. Asked “what are you doing,” the kid said something like “that’s what I saw you and Daddy doing in front of the fireplace last night.” A lot more caution began to be exerted around the creech household.

      • DEG

        This sounds like a humble brag.

    • Chafed

      If the CDC is recommending I avoid butt sex in the middle of Africa, then I’m on board. If they want me to take a shot, they can fuck off.

      • KSuellington

        So I didn’t have a condom with me, but then I figured when was the next time I was gonna be in Equatorial Guinea?

      • Tres Cool

        John Holmes took a vacation in the Dominican Republic and ended up with the shitty end of the stick.

    • Lackadaisical

      CDC wants to know if their new virus is working?

    • rhywun

      People can also catch it by touching towels or surfaces

      Just like Covid. 🙄

      • R C Dean

        Remind me again who seems to think they are living in a video game?

    • Pope Jimbo

      I was tired of going back into the office anyway.

      Your company needs to upgrade their cubicle game

      (repost from this morning, but I am still laughing at it)

      • Shpip

        I showed this to the missus when she got home.

        “Turn it off, that’s gross!” she told me.

        I swear, women just don’t get sophisticated humor.

      • Zwak tastes the soup, but never counts the beans.

        I larfed.

  8. Nephilium

    The weekend is upon us once again, for most of us, it is a holiday weekend, so I give you the Open, Unmoderated, Holiday Zoom link. Please feel free to copy the link in later threads as I may or may not be around to do so.

    • R.J.

      Oooo! Fun! I have just enough for a vodka martini and a cigar too.

      • Tonio

        We’ve gone through Parts A, B, C, and D. Now it’s time for Part E.

      • R.J.

        Does part E involve telling dirty jokes on a Zoom?

      • Sean

        I thought that involved waving my junk around.

    • Mojeaux

      Will not be able to join tonight. Lots of work to be done.

      • Tonio

        Noooooooooo! Hope to see you tomorrow.

      • Mojeaux

        Yeup!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Well out of town so if Mrs OBE is cool with me jumping on I’ll be there

    • Tres Cool

      Some of work all night while the rest of you are measuring your dicks on cam.

      • Ownbestenemy

        We still allow last place to join in buddy

      • Tres Cool

        I measure mine like a cat’s tail- start at the butthole

      • slumbrew

        Standard method is in use – center of the anus, twice around the scrotum, to just past the tip.

        It’s just good science.

      • Ted S.

        We still allow last place to join in buddy

        You’re referring to Brochettaward, aren’t you?

    • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

      Sounds like a velvet smoking jacket night

      • Ownbestenemy

        Hoodie, run down hotel room and questionable blood stains on the bed for me.

      • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

        I turned to my own bunk and examined it with a kind of appalled fascination. If the mattress stains were anything to go by, a previous user had not so much suffered from incontinence as rejoiced in it. He had evidently included the pillow in his celebration.

        -Bill Bryson, A Walk in the Woods

      • Shirley Knott

        Bryson has a way with words. I love his stuff.

  9. Ted S.

    “It only goes on one way.”

    This is why there are no female libertarians….

    • hayeksplosives

      The best female libertarians are transwomyn libertarians. Just like the best swimmers, Woman of the Year, Nike sports models, etc.

  10. Pat

    Twitter restricts links to Substack newsletter platform

    April 7 (UPI) — Twitter on Friday began restricting posts with links to Substack, a popular writing and newsletter platform.

    When users tried to like or retweet posts that linked to Substack, they received an error message saying “some actions on this Tweet have been disabled by Twitter.”

    Substack founders Chris Best, Hamish McKenzie, and Jairaj Seth said in a statement to The Verge that they were “disappointed that Twitter has chosen to restrict writers’ ability to share their work.”

    And here I was so convinced that based Elon was going to redeem social media…

  11. Pat

    Report links climate change to increase in Major League Baseball home runs

    April 7 (UPI) — Is climate change sending more home run balls over the fence in Major League Baseball?

    A new study published Friday says the hotter air from climate change accounts for hundreds more home runs per year.

    According to a study in the Bulletin of the American Meteorological Society, more than 500 home runs since 2010 “are attributable to historical warming.”

    • Pope Jimbo

      Old news. We’ve known that here in Minnesoda since at least 2017. Also, drying concrete at the new field is also a culprit.

      In fact, the stadium is on pace for more home runs this season than the first two seasons combined. The Twins and Angels combined for four more Monday in a 9-5 Twins victory.

      “I know they didn’t move the fences in,” Brian Dozier joked.

      “The weather [during a June homestand], it’s been flying out more than I’ve ever seen it,” Joe Mauer said.

      “I’m a firm believer in it — and I don’t know if there is science behind it or not — but the concrete drying,” Jack Morris said.

      “Al Gore is smiling somewhere,” Paul Molitor said, laughing.

      So add global warming to the list, along with curing concrete, shifting wind patterns, abysmal pitching, more power hitters and a leaguewide love affair with home runs.

    • R C Dean

      Of course, they checked their work by comparing the number of home runs hit on hot days throughout the study period, and confirmed that yes, if it is over 90 degrees, the same number of home runs were hit in days of yore as today.

      Right?

      • Nephilium

        Come on, you expect baseball geeks to keep statistics to that level of detail? That’s insane…

      • R.J.

        Oh no. They said the air was thinner. That’s the reason. Clearly this makes a difference. God I hate stupid science journalists.

    • rhywun

      Except there is no “hotter air”. The data claiming there is has been faked.

    • The Last American Hero

      500 runs over 25000 games, so statistically insignificant even if true.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Well didn’t see you put that up here Pat. Still funny every time I see it. Babylon Bee really missed this one.

    • Pat

      Time to send in the AC-130?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Only if John Malkovich and Nicholas Cage were on board

  12. Tundra

    Riven!

    I’ve noticed that there have been no car updates lately.

    So you cleaned it out and sold it? 😉

    • R.J.

      Inquiring minds want to know.

  13. Ownbestenemy

    One week down in training. Good is I am the only student. Supposed to be 4 of us. So I get to just tear through the system at my own pace and play a lot of “what if”. Me being a sysadmin on a much more important system I have identified a huge security risk on this new one and they just said “why would anyone want to do that? ”

    In which I pointed to the NOTAM fiasco and other incidents.

    They will make the changes. See I want to be a good FedGov

    • Tonio

      It’s never why anyone would *want* to do it, it’s because it’s a hole that could be exploited by both idiocy and malice. Good on you for shooting down their balloon, as it were.

      • Ownbestenemy

        They were not getting it. All the processors except for a certain type have access to USB ports. One of those processors are located in an unsecured room and after testing user permissions of various types, I found out that they all mount a USB with no interaction of going to root AND have access to the full file system. A secured room with limited access I wouldn’t make as much a stink. This is anyone dropping a USB in that has some auto script kiddie bullshit and that’s it.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Is the FedGov still insisting that Solaris is a secure OS and Linux is not?

      At one time I was being threatened with having to support a system that was under the umbrella of the VA and there was a huge chunk that was running on some old Sun servers. Was told that that couldn’t be upgraded because Linus wasn’t certified, but Solaris was.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Most are moving to RHEL. CentOS is still about and our last to move off of Solaris is going to cost us tax payers a ton of money as we migrate.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Bizarre rant

    A Florida sheriff went on a rant against gun restrictions Friday while announcing the arrests of two minors in connection with a string of shootings that left three teenagers dead.

    ——-

    “There are individuals out there viewing, and includes some of you media, that want to blame the one thing that has no ability or the capacity to commit the crime itself, and that’s the gun. These individuals committed the crime,” Woods told reporters.

    The sheriff said the suspects obtained the guns used in the shootings through car burglaries.

    “All the gun laws we got in place didn’t prevent it, did it? Neither will any new ones. Because here’s the fact: The bad guy is going to get a gun no matter what law you put in place. These juveniles shouldn’t even possess a handgun but they did,” Woods added.

    That won’t stop anybody from climbing on top of the nearest dead teenager and shrieking for more gun control.

  15. Ownbestenemy

    2017-2020 any leaks were good and noble FedGovs stopping Trumo.

    2021-present any leaks are obviously MAGA insiders and need to be prosecuted!

    • Pope Jimbo

      The fact that there was no leak of the fact that the FBI was actually investigating Hunter Biden’s dealings in the Ukraine at the same time that Trump was being impeached for his call to the Ukranian president speaks volumes.

      Those guys can really clamp down when they want to.

      • R C Dean

        Of course you don’t leak that you are covering up crimes by Someone Who Matters. Kinda defeats the purpose.

    • The Last American Hero

      50/2500= no big deal.

    • R.J.

      Thinner air. Thinner air. Oh, fuck off.

  16. Pope Jimbo

    Roll Call! Who is missing?

    ADAMS COUNTY, Pa. (WHP) — A strange situation spanning Adams, York, and Cumberland Counties in Pennsylvania happened early Tuesday morning.

    According to Carroll Township Police Department, police received a call on Tuesday about seeing a stolen bus being driven by Tony Saunders in Dillsburg at around 7:10 a.m.

    Officers say as Saunders ran, he stripped off his clothes until he was fully naked, running through numerous parking lots and busy traffic areas.

    Police say Saunders was then arrested nude and later admitted to taking the bus earlier Tuesday morning after crashing a BMW vehicle.

    According to law enforcement, Saunders also admitted to placing a dead deer inside the bus and was attempting to drive it to his home to use as fertilizer for his garden.

    • Tres Cool

      “Saunders also admitted to placing a dead deer inside the bus and was attempting to drive it to his home to use as fertilizer for his garden.”

      Seems reasonable.

      • Pope Jimbo

        He might get some leniency if he fesses up to the judge.

        “Your Honor, the buck stops here!”

  17. The Late P Brooks

    Rebekah Jones- would be tempted

    After securing all the sharp objects.

  18. Gadfly

    Those transformers statues are pretty cool, but I can see why the neighbors don’t like them as they don’t match the vibe. Although if I was a rich neighbor I’d be tempted to protest by setting up some decepticons taking aim at them.

    • R C Dean

      I get it. But the neighbors should try on a little Stoicism, no?

      • Gadfly

        Lol, yeah that would help, but most people have a problem taking it chill.

    • rhywun

      The looky-loos they draw are probably the bigger problem.

    • Ownbestenemy

      She went away per le vacanze
      Said she’s going to Italy
      But she never got there
      She never got there
      She never got there, they say

      The KKK took il mio bambino lontano
      They took her away
      Away from me
      The KKK took il mio bambino lontano
      They took her away
      Away from me

      • Rat on a train

        I love The Romans.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Are you Greek?

    • Shpip

      The guineas got nothin’ on Cartagena, Spain.

      Scroll down about halfway to see the colorful pointy hat crowd.

  19. R.J.

    I tried the Zoom about 4:30. There was this fat, old bearded motherf*cker with glasses on there, staring at me. He was sweating, like he just ate BBQ in the sun. He didn’t say a thing.

    Then I realized I was the only one on the Zoom.

    Ha! Tell me when people actually get on there.

  20. R.J.

    Fantastic Zoom! Thanks all!