Monday Afternoon Walkin’ Blues Links

by | May 22, 2023 | Daily Links | 234 comments

Well, it happened. #4 little L is now a biped. It’s crazy how you can have 4 kids and every one is different. For instance, most of my kids figured out the lever-type door knobs around age two. Littlest one just needed to be able to stand and already, all doorknobs in the house are useless to defend against him. I guess I’m just going to have switch all my door hardware to knobs and put the little plastic things over them. Taking a dump alone is a non-negotiable thing for me.

Only 230 people showed up to a Jeep event? Yes, I am looking down on the Jeepers.

I can only imagine how many different “snake string charmer” nicknames she’s gonna have in the squad room.

Cop hits transplant transport. Hopefully the organ at the heart of the matter didn’t end up on the pavement.

Yes, I am ashamed

This gives me hope for the younger generation… a little criminal mischief involving toilets and fireworks.

I’ll see you guys on Memorial Day. At least the ‘Murcans.

 

I did not expect this to turn into face-melting blues.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

234 Comments

  1. Count Potato

    Those are good skills for a future Florida Man.

  2. Count Potato

    “Only 230 people showed up to a Jeep event? Yes, I am looking down on the Jeepers.”

    They aren’t that good looking either.

  3. Count Potato

    Thicc, but can’t see her face, also enough with the tattoos already.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Does not look like that is the 1st snake she has charmed.

    • Sean

      also enough with the tattoos already.

      “Nature’s warning signs”

      • Count Potato

        I think it indicated things in the past, but it seems like all the kids have tattoos nowadays.

      • Sean

        She looks like she has 2 full sleeves. Run away.

      • rhywun

        This.

        And the fact that “all the kids” have them now just means your search for not-crazy and/or narcissist is harder than it used to be.

      • Fourscore

        Flyover country hasn’t kept up with the sophisticates in the bigger cities. Tattoo parlors open/close faster than “Pay What You Feel Like” coffee shops.

      • DEG

        Bill Burr during his Hampton Beach, NH tour pointed out that if a girl has no tattoos, you know she’s underage.

  4. Count Potato

    “According to officials, the suspect or suspects lit multiple fireworks inside the woman’s restroom, causing the plastic toilet to melt into the cistern.”

    Who makes toilets out of plastic?

    • Sean

      Seriously. That’s a big WTF.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Imma guess it was just the seat.

      • Sean

        Article just shows a hole in the ground.

      • Bobarian LMD

        There’s an article?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Having now looked, this was really just an outhouse; plastic shitters are more the norm.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Probably going to see it more often as porcelain’s too easy to bust. To wreck a plastic toilet you’d have to do something creative like, oh I don’t know, melt it with fireworks or something.

      • Nephilium

        I knew one bar that went to stainless steel toilets after needing to replace the standard porcelain ones after most any hard-core punk show.

      • Count Potato

        I managed a punk rock club. Never had one toilet break, as far as I can remember.

      • R C Dean

        I was in bar that had urinals made out of beer kegs. They just cut away a section, a little plumbing, and there you go. The walls on beer kegs are surprisingly thick.

      • Count Potato

        I’ve used metal toilets, but they don’t seem to be very common.

      • Sean

        Jail?

      • Count Potato

        Also, some schools, and train and bus stations as far as I can remember.

      • R.J.

        And a lot of older Texas rest stops. Straight up jailhouse toilets.

      • SDF-7

        They aren’t the bass line models then?

      • Tonio

        Parks and Rec facilities, etc.

      • Count Potato

        So you don’t shit in the woods?

    • Fourscore

      M-80 and flush

      • Bobarian LMD

        Don’t forget the run part.

        They don’t make M-80’s like they used too, though.

        Or at least what I’ve seen labelled as an M-80 is nothing like the M-80s when I were a young’un.

        Those were basically blasting caps.

      • pistoffnick

        pure sodium and flush

  5. Count Potato

    “I did not expect this to turn into face-melting blues.”

    Missing music link?

    • Bobarian LMD

      Florida Man has his own internal soundtrack.

      It is the soundtrack to Smokey and the Bandit, David Allen Coe, and Death Metal.

    • SDF-7

      Don’t look, Marion! ^W Count Potato!

  6. Rebel Scum

    I can only imagine how many different “snake string charmer” nicknames she’s gonna have in the squad room.

    I’d let her tread on me a bit.

  7. Rebel Scum

    Pa. state police looking to identify suspects accused of melting public toilet with fireworks

    It was built for a different type of explosion.

  8. Cowboy

    I’ll be that guy, the TJ was the last real jeep. Ever since they started making the 4 door jk, mall crawlers took over and the crowd is much different than it used to be, and not in a good way.

    • Sensei

      I had 2 door JK Rubicon 1st Gen with the minivan V6 soft top and half doors.

      Other than the width it was close to the spirit of the TJ. With the refresh and the power windows and the 3.6L V6 you knew where things were going.

      https://www.jeep.com/wrangler/wrangler-4xe.html

      You can blame emissions regulations as much as Jeep for where we are now.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        It isn’t even Jeep, as those are things that 90% of buyers want. Most people with 4x’s don’t ever see dirt, at least not more than a farmers driveway. So, they put street tires on, get all the mod cons, and it is, in the end, no different than a Skylark.

  9. Rebel Scum

    Yes, I am ashamed

    Whatever gets your blood moving.

  10. Tonio

    “And now, Miss Salome will take her pleasure from the serpent that once corrupted Eve.”

    • SDF-7

      Somehow, I don’t see Crowley being into that.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Give it. Your Glibs card. Hand it over, give it.

        Not knowing Blade Runner, who do think you are?

    • Tonio

      No, it’s from here. The line is the club announcer’s VO just before she does her act.

      • Sensei

        – Excuse me, Miss Salome, can I talk to you for a minute?

        – I’m from the American Federation of Variety Artists.

      • slumbrew

        Damn your nimble fingers / my lack of refreshing!

  11. Rebel Scum

    National hero.

    “Even before all that happened, BG, you led with courage, and while it was happening, you showed such poise and dignity and grace,” Harris told Griner as they discussed her wrongful detention abroad.

    Harris told Griner that she inspired so many because “learning that nothing is going to knock you down is good. That’s really good stuff.”

    She pointed to Griner as a role model and example of overcoming overwhelming adversity.

    “So you just do your thing,” Harris added.

    “You are some of the finest athletes in the world, and to do what you do every day shows that it is right to have ambition,” she said. “It is right to have aspirations. It is right to work hard. It is right to compete when you know you have put everything into it; when you have trained, when you have discipline, when you have intelligence, and when you have brilliance.”

    She added, “It makes me so proud as Vice President of the United States to go around the world talking to folks about a variety of issues, and one of the subjects that does come up is the WNBA. [The world] is watching what you guys are doing, lifting up the excellence of the finest athletes in the world.”

    Just keep doing what your doing and do it every day.

    • Fourscore

      BG was smart enough to take her own drugs to a drug prohibited place. Had the discipline to go cold turkey withdrawal though.

    • B.P.

      The honoree must feel really slighted when the White House dispatches Kamala Harris to heap someone with praise.

      • The Other Kevin

        Looking at that crew, I’d be more honored if they sent nobody.

    • Pat

      wrongful detention

      I mean, no one disputes that she broke Russian law, right? Or that a Russian entering American with the exact same fucking drugs on them would be in equal violation of US law and tried and sentenced accordingly, right?

      • Bobarian LMD

        And then quietly traded for some diplomatic reparations.

      • Urthona

        Smuggling a personal quantity of marijuana into the US is about a $1000 fine.

        I mean I’m no huge fan of the US, but let’s get real here with this comparison.

      • Pat

        True, and the constant gaslighting by weed activists (*cough*Reason*cough*) that ordinary marijuana users are being sent to federal pound me in the ass prison is annoying. On the other hand, it depends to some extent on how much of a hardass the CBP agent wants to be whether you receive a zero-tolerance fine or get a body cavity search and referred to the local constabulary. Even so, it’s still both inaccurate to say her detention was “wrongful” when it was in accordance with the laws of the country in which she was arrested, and also hypocritical to pretend like we’re some enlightened society in that regard. If she wasn’t a famous basketball player she’d get treated like shit by the US “justice” system for drug possession. “But we don’t have hard labor camps!” isn’t exactly a high bar.

      • Urthona

        Yeah … agreed.

      • Not Adahn

        Is it though?

        I mean, first of all, IIRC this was like a six-month personal supply. And it wasn’t it hash oil? Which when it gets charged, weighs the packaging etc. to inflate the amount.

      • Urthona

        Nope

        Despite not researching any of the detailed facts of the Griner case, I am 100% sure my flip message thread response here was correct and unassailable.

        No need for further discussion.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Griner’s an idiot who got very lucky that she had some domestic political utility. Otherwise, she would still be rotting in a cell.

    • Necron 99

      No one saw the irony of sending Harris to call a pothead courageous?

      • Pat

        Heh, good point.

    • creech

      “[The world] is watching what you guys are doing, lifting up the excellence of the finest athletes in the world.”
      Guys? Have trans-wo/men infiltrated the WNBA already? Soon, no room for Griner and her women as third string NBA rejects find they can dominate the WNBA just by claiming to be women.

  12. Fourscore

    Younger kids learn from their older siblings and vice versa. My son was the only one that could understand his younger sister when she was 2-3 or whatever age kids learn to talk. Since they played together as young kids she learned to talk from him. Profanity was not acceptable but they learned that well too.

    You’re a lucky guy, seriously. Looking back I wish , maybe, that I’d had more than two. Then I remember the teenage years and nah, two was enough.

  13. Rebel Scum

    Why?

    In the latest attempt to “rainbow” the U.S. military, the Department of the Air Force has authorized its bases to hold celebrations “in honor of Pride Month.” The announcement came days after the Navy got busted for using a drag queen to recruit new sailors into service.

    On May 3, the department issued a memo reaffirming the branch’s recognition of June as “Pride Month.” The memo also includes a provision that “empower[s]” Air Force installation commanders to “plan and conduct” so-called “appropriate activities” on bases to commemorate “rainbow” month.

    “During this time, we celebrate the progress we have made towards inclusivity, commemorate the contributions of LGBTQ+ Americans, and recognize the obstacles they have faced and overcome along the way,” the memo reads.

    I mean, seriously, why? You should be concentrating on combat readiness and the ability to win wars.

    • Pat

      War is hell FABULOUS

      • Grummun

        You mean Fantastic

    • whiz

      Sergeant to recruit: “We want to recognize all the trials and tribulations you’ve gone through in your life. Now get down and give me 100 pushups.”

  14. Count Potato

    Race relations sure have totally improved since our second black President.

    “‘If you think our state is so bad, we’ll help you move!’ Backlash against NAACP travel advisory calling Florida ‘hostile’ to African Americans as it’s revealed the civil rights group’s chairman lives in Tampa”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12111727/NAACPs-chairman-lives-Tampa-despite-hostile-travel-advisory.html

    “Uber puts Asian diversity chief on leave after employees complained about ‘Don’t Call Me Karen’ sessions that were intended to explore ‘American white women’s experience'”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12111047/Uber-suspends-head-diversity-Dont-Call-Karen-sessions.html

    • Rebel Scum

      calling Florida ‘hostile’ to African Americans

      Chicago, IL, however, is perfectly safe.

      • grrizzly

        This is MAGA country.

      • Pat

        Getting killed for sport by gangbangers of your own race is better than having to see wypipo put mayonnaise on their sandwiches or hear some gator hunter in the bayou say the N word on TV.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Nag? Narcissist? Negroni Drinker? Naturalist?

    • Bobarian LMD

      Like most Florida residents, anything that keeps the number of visitors down to a manageable level is a good thing?

      • Lackadaisical

        Maybe that’s his angle?

    • Brochettaward

      Reading that Uber article, it’s just painful. No one asks what the fuck any of that crap has to do with producing a ride share and food delivery app. All the people mentioned are females with bullshit job titles. Odds are not one of them or the complainer has ever produced anything of actual value for the company.

      God knows how much dead weight still exists in the tech companies even after the layoffs that hit recently.

    • Tundra

      She’s icky.

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Got to love those “feed me Seymour” lips.

      • Tundra

        HAHAHAHA!

        Perfect, Fronk.

      • Sean

        lulz

      • Bobarian LMD

        Something about a golf ball thru a 100 foot of garden hose belongs here.

      • The Other Kevin

        Can’t tell if she’s a Steven Tyler or a Michael Jackson impersonator.

      • Count Potato

        Well, I think she’s cute, and I’m happy for them.

      • slumbrew

        Her face has slid into the uncanny valley due to the surgeries, but the bod is rockin for her age.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        I’m not sure she could pull her face back anymore.

      • B.P.

        By the looks of the photos, she can’t even completely close her mouth. This country needs a coordinated campaign to let women know it’s okay to age, and looking like a grouper is never the right choice. Maybe the Ad Council still has some COVID money sloshing around.

    • Lackadaisical

      Heroic or stupid? You decide.

    • Urthona

      I’m just glad he got all his ducks in a row before he died.

      • Pat

        Welp, laughing hysterically at that is another one in my “going straight to hell” file…

      • Sensei

        Birds of feather and all…

    • Pat

      Tragically the man was hit by a 17-year-old female driver and killed as his helpless children watched on from the family car.

      This is why I had to pay insurance rates 3x higher than a female driver until I was 25, because boys are so reckless 🙄️

  15. Sensei

    Remember in the old days when firmware updates fixed things?

    Now in the IoT world of security holes and DRM we get this instead.

    HP breaks its own printers (again) with firmware update

    Reason 1,001 not to update firmware on a functional device that you don’t allow any outside connectivity unless it solves a problem for you.

    • R.J.

      Aaaaaaahhhhg. Horrible. I will never update my Dell. It has just worked for seven years now.

    • Lackadaisical

      Correct, never update anything that works.

    • Pat

      B-b-but it’s not secure unless it’s been updooted!

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Yes, they might print something in the middle of the night!

        It is always… They.

    • Count Potato

      As far as I can tell, Android TV’s update automatically.

      • Sensei

        The OS or the Applications?

        They have an all or nothing update policy on the applications. You will have to manually update every application or it does them all when it wants.

        It’s very frustrating. I haven’t checked if that has changed on Ver 12, however.

      • Count Potato

        “The OS or the Applications?”

        I’m thinking both, since just playing TV is an app.

      • Count Potato

        I also turn off WiFi, and it turned it back on.

      • Pat

        And then when the TV is a couple years old and they stop pushing updates you’re left with an OS and apps that eventually age out and you have to replace the hardware. Whoever thought “smart” TVs were a good idea should be shot in the face. “Imagine if your TV become obsolete as quickly as your smart phone, but you still paid the same price or more!”

      • Count Potato

        I don’t think anyone makes a non-smart TV anymore. I’m thinking of replacing the TV in my room, and it looks like my best choices are Roku or Android.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Commercial monitors with a streaming box

      • Pat

        Yep. The “commercial” TVs are more expensive for the same size though. I’m considering just going with a projector next time. That’ll outlast my current RPi 4 and probably my next 5 HTPCs/SBCs I use with it.

      • Count Potato

        I want a 4K TV, not a $4K TV.

      • Timeloose

        I use an old Xbox on a Vizio 4K “Smart TV”. The tv with no internet access will still act like a dumb TV. Disable Wi-Fi and don’t connect it to a modem.

        The old XBox has all of my apps on it. A Roku could accomplish the same thing.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I have a couple of video cards that updated themselves into obsolescence.

        “Oh sorry, you have to run this driver to play this game, but this video card wont operate with that driver.”

  16. Shpip

    Saturday around midnight I finally completed the longest road trip that I had ever driven. The final tally was:

    3 Glibs met in person, along with two spouses and numerous other relatives,
    19 states driven through,
    10 new states visited*,
    5 US Presidential museums and/or gravesites,
    Too many local microbrews consumed to remember, and
    4161.7 miles driven.

    There will be a few articles forthcoming.

    *to count as “visited” according to my arbitrary rules, I have to stop for a meal or some photos, or spend the night. Driving through or changing planes doesn’t count as a visit.

    • pistoffnick

      5 US Presidential gravesites,

      And you pissed on every one, right?

      Right?

      • Shpip

        Zachary Taylor and Benjamin Harrison aren’t exactly Wilson, Roosevelt (either), or LBJ — so no.

        FWIW, B. Harrison is buried in the same cemetery as John Dillinger. Not sure which one is remembered more by ordinary Americans these days.

    • DEG

      🙂

    • creech

      Being subject to the laws of a state was always enough for me to count it as “been in XXX state.”

  17. Tundra

    Hi Brett!

    I would expect the fourth boy to rapidly move from door knobs to hot wiring Camaros. Congrats!

    • Sensei

      Sadly, it will be electric for good or bad by the time he starts driving.

      And according to Elon it will be driving itself too. We are just two years away…

      • Tundra

        Yuck. Hacking a Camaro is way more dorky than hot-wiring one. I feel bad for the kids.

      • Tundra

        Please stop.

        A dude rolled by on a carbureted bike today and the fumes made me oddly nostalgic.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        There will probably be a Bluetooth app someone in Nigeria sets up for hacking through taillights.

  18. Michael Malaise

    I have repurposed an old dormant Twitter account to resume shitposting for fun!

    If you’d like to follow (I have no idea who the 6 existing followers are from years ago):

    https://twitter.com/Natnl_Disgrace

    I am known there as Based Buc-ee.

    • Tundra

      Done. Nice handle!

  19. The Late P Brooks

    A different sort of ultra MAGA

    This “widespread and sustained increase in the level of income,” Collins and Niemesh detail, “allowed more people to afford and select into owner-occupied housing than in previous generations.”

    What brought about that “widespread and sustained” income increase? That question lies beyond the scope of the new Collins-Niemesh paper. But not much mystery surrounds the answer. The years of the mid-20th century saw a vast expansion of America’s trade union movement. The struggles of new unions — in major basic industries ranging from auto to steel — essentially forced the rich to begin sharing the wealth workers were creating.

    This massive mid-century labor surge also changed the face of the American political landscape. Union-backed lawmakers put in place programs that helped average families on a wide variety of fronts, everything from making mortgages affordable to expanding access to higher education.

    And those union-backed lawmakers helped pay for those new programs by raising taxes on America’s wealthiest. Between 1940 and 1960, the federal tax rate on income in the nation’s top tax bracket consistently hovered around 90 percent.

    TW: Counterpunch, god love ’em.

    I love that trope of “Union wage apes are what created the middle class!”

    • Lackadaisical

      Reality: prosperity was created by an abundance of resources. (Human and otherwise)

    • Count Potato

      “the federal tax rate on income in the nation’s top tax bracket consistently hovered around 90 percent”

      Except no one paid it.

    • Pat

      So all we need is unions, and for every other industrial society on the face of planet earth to have been leveled in a decade long global war again?

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Bill Kristol, is that you?

      • slumbrew

        Don’t give them any ideas.

    • R C Dean

      Just ignore the increases in GDP after WWII, and the fact that home ownership rates stayed high even as union membership crashed.

  20. Lackadaisical

    ‘This gives me hope for the younger generation… a little criminal mischief involving toilets and fireworks.’

    *Melting toilet*

    I’m not even mad, I’m just impressed.

  21. Rebel Scum

    Denile ain’t just a river in Egypt.

    Ukraine is refusing to concede defeat in the largely ruined eastern town of Bakhmut after Russian mercenary forces claimed they were now fully in control of the town after months of fighting.

    Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskyy said Sunday that “Russia did not occupy Bakhmut” as he attended a news conference at the Group of Seven summit in Japan, rebuffing claims by Russia’s mercenary Wagner Group leader Yevgeny Prigozhin that his forces had fully captured the town in the Donetsk region on Saturday.

    The head of Ukraine’s ground forces Colonel-General Oleksandr Syrskyi said Sunday that his forces still controlled parts of Bakhmut and that they were not ready to give up.

    • Drake

      He seems to be spending as little time as possible in the Ukraine lately.

    • Lackadaisical

      Reminds one of the knight guarding the bridge on Monty Python and the search for the holy grail….

  22. Sensei

    I knew Newsweek went into the shitter, but OMG. It released the same story with different headlines every few hours to generate clicks.

    Newsweek
    Owner Sets Up Pet Cam to Find Out Why Cat Screams Every Night: ‘Crazy’
    9 hours ago

    Newsweek
    Cat’s Incredibly Long Meow Viewed 38 Million Times: ‘He Will Be Heard’
    7 hours ago

    Newsweek
    Cat’s Response to Being Told ‘Don’t Do That’ Leaves Internet in Stitches
    5 hours ago

    Newsweek
    Rescue Cat Caught ‘Terrorizing’ Sleeping Couple Is Viewed by 27 Million
    5 hours ago

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Hey, if it’s good enough for one article, give it five.

      • creech

        Look how many views it got. Millions of Americans have no lives. And they vote.

    • rhywun

      “They’re stealing our schtick.”

      /NY Post

  23. robc

    Stupid Newcastle. Leicester City took one shot today and Newcastle couldnt score, so ended 0-0. Newcastle had 78% of the possession and took 23 shots.

    So going into next weekend, the relegation battle works like this:

    One of Everton, Leeds United, and Leicester City stay up.

    Everton’s chances:
    Win
    or Tie AND Leicester loss or tie AND Leeds loss or tie or wins by less than 3
    or Lose AND Leicester loss or tie AND Leeds loss or tie.

    Everton controls their own destiny but can back into survival also.

    Leicester City:
    Win AND Everton loss or tie AND Leeds loss or tie or win by less than 9 more than Leicester wins by

    Leeds United:
    Win AND Everton loss AND Leicester loss or tie
    or
    Win by 3+ and Everton loss or tie AND Leicester loss or tie
    or Win by 10*+ and Everton loss or tie

    *or 11 if Leicster win by 2 or 12 if win by 3 or etc.

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Eh, Newcastle only needed the draw and still tried to destroy LC. I respect that.

      I guess I respect whatever the hell LC just pulled off as well. They played for the draw and got it, plus also almost put their only shot in the goal. Not losing today was more important than winning I suppose.

      • robc

        Newcastle tried, but Leicester hasnt has a shutout since the fall, so that is a bad result. And Leicester really needed the win and almost got it. They would have controlled their destiny with a win.

    • Raven Nation

      My hot take prediction: all three teams win next weekend which means LC and LU go down.

      • robc

        All three are at home so possible. Also possible, all 3 lose because they suck so bad.

      • rhywun

        The game hasn’t been the same since Leicester’s dream season. And most of the matches were removed from cable TV….

  24. Scruffyy Nerfherder

    The Battle Royale with the raccoon is entering its second day.

    So far he’s racked up four bird feeders, a nest of chickadees, and the half banana in the trap from last night.

    I’ve recalibrated my setup and brought out the big guns in the form of a can of sardines for tonight.

    *racks shotgun*

    • Count Potato

      Do you have a .22? CCI makes a good CB round that your neighbors won’t hear.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Subsonics are fine for groundhogs but raccoons require a bit more oomph. I’ve made that mistake before.

        22 longs are just enough.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        .22 mag. It’s the only way to be sure.

    • R C Dean

      A shotgun sounds like the right tool for the job.

      A single shot is surprisingly hard to locate. Just play dumb and your neighbors shouldn’t be a problem.

  25. Count Potato

    “‘Uber with guns’: Black Wolf ride-sharing app has armed drivers — and it’s coming to NYC

    Brown, a Long Island native, aspires to bring the service to the Big Apple — but New York City’s strict gun laws could complicate those plans.

    He said that he is looking to enter the New York City market with help from a “connection” — a detective in the NYPD who has his own security company and provides training for drivers.

    Brown acknowledged the strict gun laws that make it difficult to obtain a permit to carry a firearm.”

    https://nypost.com/2023/05/22/uber-with-guns-black-wolf-ride-sharing-app-has-armed-drivers/

    Yeah, that’s not going to happen. NYC will pass new laws to prevent if necessary.

    • Urthona

      Agreed.

      Would’ve loved to take it if the vetting was solid.

    • creech

      Yes, only UN diplomats, celebrities, and rich plutocrats deserve armed protection.

      • rhywun

        Where do NYC politicians fall? Not all of them are celebrities, or (yet) plutocrats. I doubt there is a single congress- or council-creature who travels without a posse that is packing.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    I’ve recalibrated my setup and brought out the big guns in the form of a can of sardines for tonight.

    Oatmeal cookie with a blob of peanut butter on it. Plenty of raccoons, no cats.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      I wouldn’t mind scaring the shit out of the neighbor’s cat that’s been pissing on my geraniums as well.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Whoever that is

    Rachel Bilson revealed that she recently lost a job over remarks she made on a podcast about her sex life.

    ——-

    Bilson spoke candidly about sex positions and orgasms on an episode of Women on Top earlier this month. News outlets then pulled out a specific quote where Bilson shares that she likes to be “manhandled.” Bilson later emphasized that her comments were made in a “joking manner.” “That specific line was pulled and it made it sound a certain way. I didn’t even have a chance to defend myself,” Bilson said.

    “A job got taken away from me because I was speaking candidly and openly about sex in a humorous way on our friend’s podcast,” Bilson explained. “I basically got a job that I already had pulled from me because I was speaking openly about sex. In this day and age. I am baffled.” Bilson went on to say that she cried after losing the job, which her rep told The Hollywood Reporter was an endorsement deal. “I’m a single mom. Like, I need these jobs … everything counts. You know, I provide a lot for my family — my daughter — and regardless of anything else, it all matters.”

    She should have said she hates men because she wishes she could be one.

    • B.P.

      Does the “manhandled” quote make her a rape apologist or something?

    • slumbrew

      Local bartender bore more than a passing resemblance to her; that’s a good thing.

    • Pat

      I’m a single mom. Like, I need these jobs

      Oh for Christ’s sake, blow it out your ass.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    A dude rolled by on a carbureted bike today and the fumes made me oddly nostalgic.

    I was walking down the sidewalk in Livingston a few summers ago, and a guy went by in an an absolutely beautiful old Alfa spyder. The exhaust smelled just like Cam 2 race gas.

    • Timeloose

      That smell is something special. Reminds me of my first car and bike. Sometimes unburnt hydrocarbons are a good thing.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Does the “manhandled” quote make her a rape apologist or something?

    Who knows? It wouldn’t surprise me if (hetero) sex in general is icky and stupid and anybody who admits to liking it is a MAGA freak.

  30. DEG

    While this snake’s size was impressive, boas can actually grow up to 11 feet long, more than twice the size of the one caught by the officer.

    These euphemisms.

    • Pat

      No one will ever convince me that anyone who wasn’t a fed ever actually visited a site called Rapey.To, which would explain the lack of charges.

  31. Count Potato

    “So, a woman can be hospitalized after being sexually abused by a man who says he’s a woman…

    Seek help for that abuse…

    And… then be reported to police for “misgendering” a “non-binary” patient while in hospital for said abuse.

    You can’t make this up.”

    https://twitter.com/SydneyLWatson/status/1660753941674569729

    https://www.thepublica.com/woman-abused-by-trans-identified-male-contacted-by-police-after-misgendering-non-binary-patient-while-in-hospital/

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      These are the same type of police who ignored child rape because the rapists were a protected class.

      This ends when the people start hanging the enforcers and the abusers from the same gallows.

      • Pat

        This ends when the people start hanging the enforcers and the abusers from the same gallows.

        So never then.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        Never say never.

        We’re only one central bank failure away from some good old fashioned street Justice.

      • Pat

        If there is hope it lies in the proles. But the non-response to the COVID shit sapped any hint of optimism I had left for that sort of thing.

      • Scruffyy Nerfherder

        I don’t disagree, but hyperinflation has a way of bringing long standing issues to the surface.

    • Sean

      UK. Of course.

  32. DEG

    NC Gov. Roy Cooper declares state of emergency.

    News article on what is going on:

    Democratic Gov. Roy Cooper declared Monday that “public education in North Carolina is facing a state of emergency” in the face of “extreme legislation” being promoted by Republican state lawmakers. In a video posted online Monday, Cooper said GOP lawmakers are “starving” public schools and “dropping an atomic bomb on public education” with plans to further cut taxes and increase funding for private school vouchers. He said the public needs to speak out against the changes before they’re adopted in the state budget. “It’s clear that the Republican legislature is aiming to choke the life out of public education,” Cooper said. “I am declaring this state of emergency because you need to know what’s happening.

    • Pat

      Seems Mr. Cooper attended public schools all the way to his JD at UNC school of law. That should be all the counter-argument that is necessary.

    • Drake

      Seven states stopped counting votes on election night 2020. Six of them found a remarkable number of votes to put Biden over the top. One of them found enough votes to reelect Roy Cooper despite his unpopularity.

    • Count Potato

      Aren’t schools in NC mostly locally funded through property taxes?

      • DEG

        No, the state is the primary source of education money in NC

        The state is primary funder of schools in North Carolina, moreso than in most states.

        But education funding has changed over the years in North Carolina and elsewhere, as nearly every state has faced at least one school funding lawsuit from lower-income families and school boards in lower-income areas.

        During the 2020-21 school year, 25 states provided at least half of education revenues, excluding the District of Columbia and Hawaii, according to a National Education Association report on school finance. In 18 states, local taxes were the primary source of school revenues.

        Compared to North Carolina, only 11 states had more revenue coming from the state and only 13 states had less revenue coming from local sources.

        In terms of actual spending, however, the responsibility hasn’t really changed in North Carolina since the Leandro lawsuit was filed. During the 1993-94 school year, the state was the source of 67.8% of education spending, compared to 23.7% for counties and 8.5% for the federal government. During the 2020-21 school year, the state provided 66.7% of education spending, compared to 23.3% for counties and 10.0% from the federal government.

        NC has no statewide property tax.

      • Count Potato

        Huh, OK

      • Michael Malaise

        How does the state fund things? With magic?

    • rhywun

      A visitor from outer space might conclude that educational results are inversely proportional to how much money is thrown at achieving them.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    Why are cars so expensive? Greedy manufacturers and dealers

    “What we’ve seen is the disappearance of the middle,” said Scott Kunes, chief operating officer of a dealership group in the Midwest. He faults the automakers for abandoning cheaper, smaller, basic cars that people need just to get around, especially as interest rates put fancier versions beyond reach. “It doesn’t make any sense to me at all.”

    Pay no attention to the regulators behind that curtain.

    • Scruffyy Nerfherder

      Toyota just introduced the new Tacoma which starts at 28K with a stick shift.

      At least one company is regaining its senses.

      • Tundra

        Might.

    • The Gunslinger

      Good thing electric cars are the future. Half ton lithium ion batteries are super cheap.

    • Pat

      He faults the automakers for abandoning cheaper, smaller, basic cars that people need just to get around, especially as interest rates put fancier versions beyond reach. “It doesn’t make any sense to me at all.”

      And here I thought the proles were all supposed to just spend $60k on a deeply subsidized Tesla.

    • B.P.

      Although it was a while ago, I wonder if the distortions of sending bunches of cars to the crusher under Cash for Clunkers haven’t completely unwound themselves. Not to mention just blithely shutting down the economy under COVID. I have a 24-year-old vehicle in my fleet that still really kicks ass; plus it’s devoid of a lot of bullshit technology, some of which I assume is now mandated.

    • Count Potato

      Cash For Clunkers

    • Urthona

      Don’t they say regulations now account for about $5000 of a new car’s price?

      • Count Potato

        It’s way more than that if you count import restrictions.

  34. The Late P Brooks

    Toyota just introduced the new Tacoma which starts at 28K with a stick shift.

    It wouldn’t take much to convince me that Toyota is the only large manufacturer not run by imbeciles.

    • Mojeaux

      *perks up*

      Stick shift?!

      Oh, if I were able to buy a new car …

  35. Mojeaux

    Welp, spent my entire fucking day in the ER for a cardiac scare (I’m easy to spook because of my family history). Found out my heart’s fine, but my lower back is, and I quote, “a mess.” *sigh* Lovely menopause, taking all my calcium away.

    • Pat

      Glad you’re OK, at least for some values of OK.

      • Urthona

        Imagine going into the doctor thinking you’ve been eating too much cheese and it turns out you’ve eating too little?

        To me that’s a good day.

    • Urthona

      I thought I told you to eat more cheese.

      • Mojeaux

        I’m gouda.

      • Shpip

        When push comes to chevre, you have to do what’s best for you.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Don’t listen to Shpip, he don’t know jack.

    • Tundra

      Glad you are ok.

      Please deadlift.

    • DEG

      Glad your heart is OK.

      Sorry about your back.

    • Count Potato

      Yikes! Sorry 🙁

    • R.J.

      Wow! Glad your heart is OK. Sorry about your back.

  36. The Late P Brooks

    Although it was a while ago, I wonder if the distortions of sending bunches of cars to the crusher under Cash for Clunkers haven’t completely unwound themselves.

    As somebody who peruses craigslist and other (fuck you faceballs marketplace, I ain’t signing up) car ads, I will emphatically say cash for clunkers still has a noticeable effect, especially on the ‘mid ’80s to mid ‘9os cars I might be looking for.

  37. Count Potato

    “BREAKING: The FBI is unable to turn over ANY evidence related to its investigations into Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Foundation as it admits it destroyed ALL the evidence after Biden took office. Millions of taxpayer funds have been thrown away.

    FBI Corruption: The FBI kept the investigation into the Clintons and the Clinton Foundation open through Trump’s first term to prevent Congress from being able to see the evidence – when Biden took office the FBI destroyed the evidence so it could not turn it over to Congress.”

    https://twitter.com/amuse/status/1660727251653079040

    • Urthona

      Every other day there’s a story that makes me mad and today this was the one.

      • rhywun

        Only every other day?

    • robc

      Contemp charges…hold them in jail until its turned over.

      If they destroyed it, I guess its a life sentence.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        And then nothing else happened except they kept their jobs and got their pensions. Fuck the FBI and just about every American federal institution at this point.

    • Rebel Scum

      Isn’t destroying evidence a crime? ///HowQuaint

      Dissolve the FBI* and salt the earth where it stood.

      *And any other of the alphabet soup of federal agencies not explicitly authorized by the constitution. There is nothing that they do that the states can’t or don’t already do. Any intelligence operations applicable to defense and foreign policy can and should be done solely by the military.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Nah man, you’ll hurt the good ones…think of the children…don’t throw out the baby with the bath water…etc…but seriously, precisely nothing’s gonna happen.

  38. Count Potato

    “BREAKING AZ Senate Majority Leader Sonny Borelli issues letter to every county election office notifying them no electronic voting machine can be used in ‘24 election

    Katie Hobbs vetoed law, but Constitution gives plenary authority to state legislature so they’re overriding her”

    https://twitter.com/DC_Draino/status/1660717421710155780

    • DEG

      Hmm… prediction – courts side with Hobbs.

      • R C Dean

        The Constitution does refer specifically to “the Legislature”. It also specifically says Congress can override state election requirements, which seems unnecessary under the Supremacy Clause unless that clause, which refers to state laws, doesn’t apply to election requirements made by a legislature. I’m not enough of a Constitutional scholar to say whether that reference to “the [state] Legislature” is unique, and other references are to state “laws”, but the plain language of the clause would sure seem to give plenary authority to the legislature, without any requirement that it be a “law” that has to go through the usual process (signed by a governor or veto override) for laws. The Constitution refers to these requirements as “Regulations” “prescribed” by the Legislature.

        This will be an interesting one.

      • Ted S.

        Doesn’t the Constitution give wide latitude to the several States when it comes to the manner of choosing electors? I think the only thing the constitution explicitly overrides the states on when it comes to elections is the time and place for choosing senators.

      • rhywun

        They only talked about chusing.

        I don’t know what this “choosing” is supposed to mean.

    • Rebel Scum

      This will be an interesting battle to watch.

    • Rebel Scum

      Convid was a trial run for what they plan to release next.

    • Pat

      Isn’t that just diabetes? Wait, that’s Syndrome X.

    • rhywun

      COVID-19 […] spilled from animals to humans

      OFFS seriously?

  39. Rebel Scum

    Modern parenting.

    Not really what I would call “parenting.” And the kid looks rightfully uncomfortable af.