The Mattress Review

by | Jun 19, 2023 | Reviews, Sexuality | 194 comments

The wife and I recently got a new mattress. It is a Puffy Royal Mattress. I’ve never bought something like this online. But with an easy 180 day return policy, I went for it. Also, it seemed fairly highly rated for my preferred comforts on several web sites. And finally, it came with “free” pillows, mattress cover and sheets. It was delivered quickly and installed by the ultimate professional (me).

 

The first few days it felt wrong. It was too soft and I sunk in way too deep. After a few days, I realized the idiot installer had it backwards. It turns out, direction does matter with this mattress, as it is firmer on the end you lay your head. After turning it around, I still wasn’t convinced. But you had to wait 30 days before returning, which seems fair. I have to say, in those 30 days, I got really used to it. I actually really learned to like it and sleep got much better.  Unfortunately, my wife had the opposite experience. She loved it from day 3 (when I turned it around) through about day 10. Then she gradually grew to liking it less and less until around day 30 she asked if we could return it yet. I decided returning it was my best option even if I liked it. I’m sure most here who are married understand why.

 

I did however, really love their “free” pillow. It really was the best pillow I’ve used in years. Without reading things in fine detail, I assumed the “free” things that came with it would have to go back. I was sad, because the pillow was over $100 on the website, and I’d never pay that much for a pillow.  I emailed the company and sure enough, return has been pretty hassle free. They have contracted a local company to come pick it up and it will be “donated” to some charity, according to the email. And best yet, the refund and return procedure shows I’ll get a full refund AND nothing is mentioned about returning the sheets, pillow, or mattress protector. What a terrible business model. We order a mattress, get a bunch of stuff for free along with it. Then, approximately 30 days later, they give me all my money back and I get to keep the free stuff. All while the mattress can never be sold again. I get that they can’t sell the sheets or pillows again, but you’d think there would be some consequence to not keeping the mattress. Oh well, good for me! I guess that’s why it was so damned expensive in the first place (also they are California based, that can’t be cheap either).

We’ve ordered the Saatva Classic Luxury Firm mattress. Again, it has an easy return warranty. But, they do have a $100 return fee. That makes sense to me and seems like a good business decision. I’ll let you know how it works out. It also has a better review for sex. I hope my wife lets me test that part out.

 

About The Author

banginglc1

banginglc1

194 Comments

  1. Sean

    Team Tempur-pedic here. Love it.

    • R C Dean

      We’ve got one. In our experience, they get gradually harder over time. It’s now on the guest bed with a topper.

      Not sure what we have. Mine is quite old and has a body print in it that seems to work fine for me. Yes, we have separate beds – somewhat different schedules and Mrs. Dean sleeps better without me snoring, thrashing, sweating and farting next to her. I think I probably sleep better too.

      • Chafed

        Sounds like she is missing all the fun.

      • slumbrew

        Different beds, not different houses.

      • Chafed

        Same bedroom or upstairs/downstairs?

  2. Ted S.

    Sleep in separate beds like Rob and Laura Petrie.

    • creech

      Rob must have been crazy, or secretly seeing Alan Brady.

  3. Pat

    I actually tend to prefer a mattress on the softer side. The cheap I have now has to have a foam pad to make it tolerable. Then again, it was 230 bucks…

    • rhywun

      The cheap I have now has to have a foam pad to make it tolerable. Then again, it was 230 bucks…

      Same here. I bought the thing in 2008.

  4. rhywun

    News I can use – nice.

    My problem is I have no idea what sort of “firmness” I need.

    • Ted S.

      Seek medical attention for firmness lasting more than four hours.

  5. R.J.

    Interesting. I did the same thing in 2020 during lockdown, I got a mail order mattress. Hated it. Replaced it as soon as possible. I will say I like the deals you get at in-person mattress stores now. Mattress + free electric bed frame that raises and lowers? I’m in.

    Also, I still believe all mattress stores are fronts for drug smugglers.

    • Sean

      Yes, power adjustable frames! 👍

    • rhywun

      I like the idea of mail-order.

      Mattress stores seem too much like car dealerships to me.

      • Sean

        We had a very good mattress shopping experience at a Raymour & Flannegan.

    • UnCivilServant

      Are you sure they’re srug smugglers and not some other form of organized crime?

      • R.J.

        Perhaps you meant smug smugglers. That is a possibility.

  6. Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

    My wife’s nickname is Goldilocks.

    I can’t count how many mattresses we’ve tried over the years. None are good enough.

    • R.J.

      “I feel your pain.”

      • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

        Sorry, I’m a little touchy about my pain.

    • DEG

      I tapped out when I read the text. No way I’m watching that video.

    • Sean

      Fuck Disney.

      • R.J.

        This is why I host Thursdays. Pick any movie I played, even Cocaine Shark, and it will beat the new Disney crap. All for the price of a few commercials.

  7. DEG

    We order a mattress, get a bunch of stuff for free along with it. Then, approximately 30 days later, they give me all my money back and I get to keep the free stuff. All while the mattress can never be sold again.

    Why do I smell Underpants Gnomes here?

    • R.J.

      “The mattress can never be sold again.”
      Hahahahahahahahaha!

      • R.J.

        Based on the discussion earlier about allowable discrimination, they could have instead made a “BBQ eaters only” bar and still have it unchanged to this day.

      • Brochettaward

        Don’t know if it was pointed out this morning, but they are arguing over whether being transgendered is a fucking disability. You can’t call it a mental illness in any other context beyond when it’s beneficial to protecting them.

      • R C Dean

        I love that the transers are now arguing that it’s a mental illness. Welcome to the party, pal.

      • R.J.

        I can’t pay attention anymore. Everything is madness.

        In happy news, I am playing Terrifier and Terrifier 2 double feature as promised this Thursday. Thank you for the idea! You were credited.

      • rhywun

        Meanwhile, as we have seen lately, men who want to invade “women’s only” spaces don’t bother with lawsuits, they just pretend to be women. Progress!

    • Ted S.

      Extensive tax write-offs.

      • R C Dean

        A company that writes off (or donates) a $1000 mattress gets, at most, a $210 reduction in their federal tax bill and a few bucks on their state tax bill. I doubt the mattress’s fully loaded cost to them is less than $250, so they are still cash negative.

  8. Brochettaward

    You got my First in your peanut butter…you got my peanut butter in your First…

  9. Drake

    I’m at the gym and CNN is on…

    They are doing a special Juneteenth concert with obese black women dressed as cheerleaders dancing along. I think they are trying to make people more racist.

    • rhywun

      Lizzo? Sounds like something she would be all over.

    • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

      Those are healthy role models Drake. Are you a fattist?

  10. Tundra

    Room and Board natural latex. Insanely expensive and heavy, but it’s been amazing.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I recognize that name! We picked up some factory close out of bedroom furniture that were contract manufactured for them.

  11. Trigger Hippie

    Hello, all. To the TPTB in Glib Gultch, any openings in a few months?

    • Sean

      How ya been?

      • Trigger Hippie

        Destroying myself and burning bridges one step at a time. Tomorrow I lose my last friend and it’s completely my fault.

      • Sean

        You still got my #? Reach out if I can help.
        Job offer still available too.

    • R C Dean

      Had me worried, Trigger. Glad to see you back.

    • R.J.

      Sweet Jesus man! You had me worried.

    • Trigger Hippie

      You know what? Nevermind. Disregard my inquiry about Glib Gulch. What the hell am I even doing here? I don’t deserve to be on this website and you all have already done more than enough in the past. I’m fucking off now. Sorry to bother you guys.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Deserves got nothing to do with it.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        Dude, stick around. We still like you.

      • R.J.

        We most certainly care, and all we do is voluntary. Do not fuck off.

      • Sean

        That’s not how family works. You belong here.

      • MikeS

        Exactly. Stick around TH

      • milo

        Get help son. God loves you no matter what.
        I should know.

      • Tundra

        Yes.

      • milo

        Get help son. God loves you no matter what.
        I should know.

      • milo

        And says it twice.

      • DEG

        Welcome back Trigger Hippie.

        milo’s advice to get help is good advice.

      • Gustave Lytton

        You are not a bother. Please stick around. I guarantee you I’ve been in a hole as deep as you think you’re in. It can get better.

      • slumbrew

        Here, hear!

        We like having you around, TH.

    • Mojeaux, XX

      TH!!!! OMG I think about you every time I’m at the light on Kentucky (which has been a lot the last year).

  12. The Bearded Hobbit

    The most comfortable mattress I’ve ever had, hands down, was a waveless waterbed. Perfect support and a warm bed on winter nights.

    Alas, it was destroyed in a move and I’ve been struggling to find something as good. We settled on a Sleep Number which is fine but I still yearn for the waterbed.

    • Drake

      Yes! I had one too and have never slept as well since my wife insisted on replacing it. Also cool in the summer by turning the heater down just a bit.

    • rhywun

      One thing I know I need is a lower (or no?) frame.

      Holy hell I was at a hotel a couple weeks ago and it’s always like jumping off a swingset or something. Not all of us are 6’4″ people. I would really rather my feet hit the floor when I’m alighting the thing.

      • Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

        This. Mattress’s should be chair or couch height.

      • Sean

        This is wrong. WRONG.

      • rhywun

        The best bed I ever had was a wooden number with drawers in the bottom, nice height. Decent mattress. Whole thing cost me around $450 in 1997 which was like my whole savings just after I got a job in San Francisco. Moved out 11 months later and I never saw a dime from the roommate who promised to pay me for it.

      • rhywun

        *Which is more than I paid for my current garbage mattress and “frame” (i.e. the rails that came with it) in 2008, I might add.

        I think I am due for something better.

      • rhywun

        LOL just saw the episode where the girls break into Tom’s apartment and it’s all “amenities”.

    • Chafed

      What happened to the van it was in?

  13. Drake

    We tried a Purple mattress. A number 3 I think. It’s okay but is now on the guest bed when my wife decided on something else.

  14. Zwak , who will swing for the crime, in double time!

    Firm standard type mattress. I hate feeling like I am sleeping IN the bed, rather than on it. I seem to be winning this battle with the wife, but I don’t know how much longer I can fight of the change.

  15. kinnath

    We used a water bed for decades. Then my back couldn’t take it. We’ve been using standard mattresses ever since.

    We currently use a basic firm mattress. Then we put a topper or a cheap futon mattress over the top. We treat these as disposable and replace the topper/futon every couple of years.

    • R.J.

      Unless it just went PFOOF and imploded under pressure. Bloop, bloop!

      • rhywun
      • R.J.

        “Michelin Lady Smell? POOPH!”

    • dbleagle

      The fact they can’t communicate with the vessel makes me trend toward catastrophic failure and the difficult decision whether or not to try and bring remains up.

      If it wasn’t breached and it lost control on the descent it could be about anywhere. A 12K foot drop with even a small “lift and thrust” element could put it miles away in any direction.

      I could be wrong.

      • dbleagle

        There are worse scenarios, but we are a family friendly website so I won’t go there.

      • Mojeaux, XX

        we are a family friendly website

        Who are you kidding?

      • Tres Cool

        In a sense we ARE family.

        Glibs- we put the FUN in dysfunctional!

      • rhywun

        Perfect link.

      • rhywun

        Damn the youtube suggestions after that are a wonderful trip through the seventies.

      • R.J.

        Did you see this weeks’ movies? Avert your eyes, family friendly logo!

      • dbleagle

        Sexy times, cursing the Feds and commies etc. is one thing. Going into details on deep water collapse and death of a submarine is something else.

    • Drake

      That looks like the kind of thing that should be tethered to a shop so they can reel it back up if something goes wrong.

      • Drake

        Ship

  16. dbleagle

    I miss the traditional Army cot. Comfortable and simple. I got something now from the mail with a topper. It works.

    Probably the most excellent bed I ever slept on was in Norway. I don’t know what it was but by Odin it was perfect.

    • Drake

      I miss the body I had back when I could sleep like a baby on a cot.

    • Fourscore

      I am kind of a taller guy, my feet hit the foot rail while my head almost touched the head rail on a GI bunk.

      On my second Asian vacation I had a bunk that really, really sagged with a skinny mattress. I went over the the abandoned 9th Div barracks, peeled off a sheet of 5/8 inch plywood, trimmed to fit and had a really firm bunk. After a couple nights I was back to sleeping like the proverbial infant.

      • Drake

        I did enjoy the deployment days when we made do with a combination of innovation and petty theft.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I have a cot for lounging outside. It’s not as comfortable as I remember. Also, not dog tired or about to get yelled at for sitting down in it either.

  17. Mojeaux, XX

    My husband won that Saatva mattress. I ❤️ it.

  18. Mojeaux, XX

    Just bought a bed for XX a couple of weeks ago. She decided on a Natura mattress. She says she likes it. I told her she better decide that for sure before the return period.

  19. Tres Cool

    WRT to the Disney movie link and feminine hygiene products- everything thing old is new again. Robin Williams did it in Moscow On The Hudson in the 1980s.

    *SLD- Ive been puzzled before trying to seek out (befo’ she leak out! yo) Jugsy’s preferred “plug”

  20. Brochettaward

    For those who don’t know, Bob Lazar is a guy who claims to have worked on secret government programs trying to replicate and make use of alien technology gained from crashes. Most notably, pretty much everything he claimed is now being repeated by the “whistleblower” who only came out to report the same things Lazar had been saying for years…only he did it after the government allowed it and basically blessed UFO talk as non-crazy.

    What I find particularly funny is how Wikipedia describes Lazar still:
    “Robert Scott Lazar (/ləˈzɑːr/; born January 26, 1959) is an American conspiracy theorist and self-proclaimed physicist who claims he was hired in the late 1980s to reverse-engineer extraterrestrial technology.”

    Not4e that Lazar would not be a conspiracy theorist as he is claiming to have firsthand knowledge of government programs. He is either a liar, or he is in fact…a whistleblower. Now here’s how they describe recent “whistleblower”:
    “In June 2023, United States Air Force (USAF) officer and former intelligence official David Grusch claimed, based on classified information he says was provided to him by colleagues, that the U.S. federal government maintains a secretive UFO (or UAP) retrieval program and is in possession of “non-human” spacecraft and “dead pilots”. ”

    Government really is a religion to some people. Their creation and admittance of something that was already well documented has given the entire enterprise of UFO hunting an air of legitimacy in the eyes of the media and academics who scoffed before. We have seen none of this classified info that supposedly exists. That was all supposedly provided to Congress, but conveniently held away from the general public so this guy can repeat second hand information. No where does Wikipedia call him a conspiracy theorist despite having no direct knowledge of what he’s talking about. He is, in fact, claiming a conspiracy that would be a theory based on information he’s gathered through second hand information. The opposite of Bob Lazar.

    • Raven Nation

      You shut your whore mouth! Bob Lazar is a giant among men. His brilliance will be vindicated when disclosure happens.

      • Brochettaward

        There’s something going on right now. I don’t believe this is being used to cause a distraction as it’s barely a blip, but they are laying the groundwork for something. But I find it comical how the government says you can talk about this subject seriously now, and people suddenly give it credence.

        Maybe one day the government will say that you can talk about fraud in elections. Perhaps the next time a Republican wins that will be kosher again.

      • Brochettaward

        Grusch has been largely called credible. Lazar has been relentlessly attacked by “skeptics.” Skeptic being someone who just believes whatever the mainstream narrative is. Shadowy parts of the government that have remain hidden for decades and probably aren’t even known by the president surely couldn’t alter a guy’s education transcripts.

      • Raven Nation

        I’m not going to go into a lot of detail here, but I will make the following points:

        i) I don’t believe we’ve been visited by aliens from other worlds (or people from our own future or whatever)
        ii) I think that the VAST majority (95%+) of UFO sightings are a combination of misunderstandings, hoaxes, mistaken identity, etc.
        iii) I do believe that there is a small minority of UFO sightings that have not been satisfactorily explained.
        iv) I believe that the determination of skeptics such as Michael Shermer to attribute idiotic explanations to debunk unexplained sightings just add fuel to the fire.
        v) I am positive that government lies have furthered UFO conspiracy thinking
        vi) I’m reasonably sure that a lot of the unexplained minority of sightings are of experimental military craft and that the military is happy for the UFOlogists to get airtime as it makes it easier to cover up their experimentation.

        Corollary to point (v): most conspiracy theories (not just UFOs) are fueled and prolonged by government lies and misadventures.

      • Tundra

        You could just say convenient psy op🙂

        Fr Seraphim Rose had a whole chapter in his book about UFOs as a new religion. Interesting.

        Bottom line I agree with you.

      • Brochettaward

        No one is paying attention to the psyop. It isn’t distracting from anything and it doesn’t further any cause that I can see. but I may not be thinking in terms of the 12-dimensional chess as those brilliant minds in the intelligence community.

        If there is a coherent plan or conspiracy here, the one that actually makes the most sense is…disclosure.

      • Tundra

        Wait until things start exploding.

      • Brochettaward

        I’m going to need clarification there. What things would be exploding and what are they going to do as it relates to UFO’s?

      • Brochettaward

        Further – this often gets posed in simplest terms as a distraction of some kind. It is barely a blip on the media landscape and the media doesn’t need to be talking about UFO’s in order to not be talking about Joe Biden’s corruption in Ukraine. Alls they have to do there is plug their ears and close their eyes and yell they aren’t listening over and over again or say nothing about that subject and it will die a slow painful death. It will be discussed in echo chambers like this one, but that doesn’t mean shit. No one in power is even remotely tempted to go after Biden for his corruption. UFO’ stories have no impact there.

        You know why they don’t care about Biden’s corruption in Ukraine? Because he may have wet his beak, and a whole lot of others are doing the same, but they are doing it while playing the game the deep state/intelligence community wants them to play. They are furthering the cause in Ukraine while enriching themselves whereas Trump threatened to upturn the applecart for everyone by putting conditions on aide. He threatened to reveal the corruption that is at the heart of the political support for Ukraine whereas the petty bureaucrats are more into it because muh Russia bullshit. There are true believers within the government. Pudgy little colonels like Vindman exist and have incredible amounts of power despite you having no clue who they are. The fucker got Trump impeached. There are hundreds if not thousands of influent4ial neocons just like him throughout the bureaucracy. They aren’t threaten by Biden’s dysfunctional family and utter corruption because he plays their game at the end of the day and does what they want.

        Regardless, I’m all ears. I am not some UFO-true believer. My main point above was that Lazar gets treated like a piece of shit while Gush is being heralded as a whistleblower. A real whistleblower would have just dumped the classified docs and evidence he claims to have. He is getting treated with legitimacy because of his proven ties to government (same reason UFO talk is now sanctioned – we have an official government bureaucracy looking into it now publicly!).

        His ties to the government are the exact reason I am skeptical of him. And by skeptical, I don’t even mean that what he’s saying is wrong, but I have to question his motives and his legitimacy as a whistleblower.

      • Raven Nation

        It’s almost like there’s some kind of cycle: back in the 1940s and 1950s, UFOs were considered legitimate news stories. Then the Condon report moved them into marginalized territory. Now, there does seem to be some legitimacy attached. As you say, I do find this most recent trend intriguing. This actually fits the Disclosure people’s view: that the government would allow information to dribble out, then there would be a major revelation.

      • Brochettaward

        There’s pilots who have seen UFO’s that seem to basically move in three dimensions, stop on a dime, able to move at high speeds. They are basically describing anti-gravity.

        There’s video. There’s radar signatures. Maybe it’s all faked, but if you really believe that we have that technology hidden away, I just have to ask you…why. If that was available, it would revolutionize the world.

        I’m not some big UFO guy, but the evidence is building that there may in fact be some there there. The above explanation you provided has always come off as the cheapest to me. We don’t have the technology people have claimed to have seen and if you can’t explain those incidences, then you really have no clue. It’s not enough to just shrug and say well it was some one-off thing. Could be anything. No, there aren’t just random things flying in 3-dimensions in the skies.

      • robodruid

        Don’t disagree with what you are saying, but I do have to ask:
        Why would a civilization that could transverse the stars even care about us?
        How can the reliability of their equipment be so pour that they crash and we recover them.
        Why would they let us recover them?

        Unless we are already under their control?

      • Brochettaward

        I barely know the tip of the iceberg when it comes to UFO lore. I don’t want to get into talk about reptilians here. Or the supposed races of aliens that may or may not exist. There’s endless speculation that could be had here. We are fairly advanced compared to large parts of the world, yet we can’t help but stick our dicks into any and all holes. Maybe the aliens consider themselves benevolent. Maybe contact has been made behind closed doors and it’s kept secret because they deem us not ready to know. Maybe this or that. Who knows? It could be Star Trek and there is an intergalactic confederation that we could get to join one day! I always wondered why humans seemed to central to the whole thing as one of the younger species to reach the stars.

        What I do know is that there are unexplained UFO sightings by people who definitely seem credible to me and the shit they describe is most definitely not made by humans of the present day.

        If we have access to a large number of craft (say 7 to 9), that doesn’t seem to be something that would be an accident.

      • Brochettaward

        There is this tendency to associate alien technological advancement with some form of wisdom. I don’t feel the need to make the connection. i’d like to think if there are aliens, there is a little cesspit back on the alien home world with a bunch of misanthropic assholes bitching about their own top men fucking everything up.

      • hayeksplosives

        I’ve seen some weird shit.

      • Fourscore

        Are we still talking about the Mexican donkey show?

    • MikeS

      he is claiming to have firsthand knowledge

      Something you’d know nothing about.

      • Brochettaward

        It is true. Even the Firsters do not have knowledge of what lies beyond into the cosmos. We only know that it was all created by The Great Firster.

      • MikeS

        So you admit I do know about Firsting. It’s about time.

      • Brochettaward

        Blind seconders and nuts as they say.

      • MikeS

        You like deez nutz?

      • Brochettaward

        Not really.

    • Grummun

      Are we taking the UFO shit seriously? “UFOs are crazy talk” has been beat into my head for so long, I’m having a hard time adjusting to thinking any other way. If it’s not pure fantasy, it should be headline news around the world.

      • UnCivilServant

        My standard remains the same – Evidence. I haven’t seen anything beyond dodgy video.

        Given that I once stared at a “UFO” for several minutes until I figured out it was the back of a distant stadium light rig, I start with the assumption of an optical illusion until proven otherwise.

      • rhywun

        We’re supposed to believe that alien visitors aren’t clever enough to get past the government spooks who both want us and do not want us to believe in their existence.

      • Fourscore

        They are big teases, like the new girl in 11th grade.

    • Tundra

      I need to review this before I go mattress shopping next

    • slumbrew

      😀

    • hayeksplosives

      GUFFAW!!

      I love how Key gulps visibly after Peele asks if he can try the second mattress.

  21. rhywun

    LOL the NY Post’s transition into Democrat lapdog is nearly complete with this ridiculous hit-piece against a rare GOP assemblycreature and his entirely anodyne-as-of-last-year-but-now-totally-unseemly opinions about “trans youth”.

    PS. he’s Russian! zOMG

    • rhywun

      ugh

    • Brochettaward

      The NYP is a rag, but there seems to be some disconnect between their editorialists who are generally conservative and their newsroom. Though I can’t explain how they managed to break the Hunter laptop shit outside the fact that they still have some old school journalists who may not be conservative, but no a good story when they see one and they happened to have connections to Rudy Giuliani and may be even Trump given that they are NYC power players.

    • MikeS

      This included several social media posts where Brook-Krasny ranted about people who “conveniently change genders” alongside the purported “hyper-sexual” threat to children from Pride Month celebrations.

      Nobody at the NYP has attended a pride parade or an all ages drag show?

    • Chafed

      What caused the change?

  22. Timeloose

    Memory foam mattresses are great for sleep. They suck for sex. There is lots of dampening of energy and sinking into the surface. . Cheap hotel beds on the other hand….are like retail cars.

    • Chafed

      Is that a plus or minus for hotel sex?

      • slumbrew

        I keep threatening to get my SIL a black light for her next hotel visit. She’d levitate out of the room.

        I once joked about getting her an “Outbreak” clean suit and she got serious and said, “I would totally love one of those”.

      • Chafed

        She must have been a treat during covid times.

    • hayeksplosives

      “Cheap hotel beds on the other hand….are like retail cars.”

      Drive it like you rented it, boy.

    • Timeloose

      Thanks spell checker for ruining my joke.

      • hayeksplosives

        *I* got it.

  23. Gustave Lytton

    Recently mattress shopping and glad it’s over. The industry makes used car salesmen look like saints.

    We ended up with with a Brooklyn Bedding and it’s ok. Still in the 30 day no return window. Not as solid as our previous one but the adjustable base is nice. Not sure about sheets or how the mattress will hold up over time getting bent constantly. And definitely feel movement when my wife moves even a little.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Separate beds and even separate bedrooms are underrated. Like jackhammer porn, sleeping together is pushed way too much in current society.

      • hayeksplosives

        My mum and dad always had separate bedrooms so I grew up thinking that’s the norm.

        Now that I live alone, it’s a moot point, but if I ever cohabitate again, it’s gonna be His and Hers.

  24. hayeksplosives

    I went to PAC NW with zero furniture so I needed a bed, obvs.

    On a “friend’s” advice, I got a Sealy adjustable bed.

    This thing is amazing. Elevates swollen legs when needed, elevates neck/torso to stop snoring

    Generally feel like my bed is hugging
    Me.

    Remote controlled.

    • hayeksplosives

      Morning!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, hayek, U, and Roat!

  25. Rat on a train

    It’s primary day in Virginia. I’m not in the 27th senate district but am still hoping Matt Strickland wins.

  26. hayeksplosives

    A little classical education for you swine:

    “Sweet, Hesperos, you bring back all that the day has scattered;
    you bring the sheep, you bring the goat,
    you bring back the child back to its mother.”

    Written by Sappho about Hesperos, the goddess of sleep.

    • UnCivilServant

      Are you saying you’re tired?

      • hayeksplosives

        YAAAASSSSSS

      • UnCivilServant

        I can empathize. If I didn’t have work, I’d probably still be asleep.

      • robodruid

        Suns coming up, so much work to do. I’d love to go back to sleep.
        remote work starts in 35 min….

  27. hayeksplosives

    Drugs, ass, etc. But how fucked up is this Titanic situation?!!

    • UnCivilServant

      Which one? Has the ship finally arrived in port?

      • Gender Traitor

        Yeah, I have huge respect for my late uncle the sub skipper, but that’s not the sort of thing I’d do for fun.

      • hayeksplosives

        Oh I totally respect guys who risk life and limb to further discovery, find natural resources, map the earth, etc.

        It’s these jackass billionaires who want to pay for a thrill that male me roll my eyes. Seriously dude, you’re going to risk the lives of a bunch of blue collar First Responders so that you have a good story at cocktail parties? Get bent.

      • UnCivilServant

        Once they reach the surface, there is no way to get out, as those inside are locked in with 17 bolts from the outside.

        Now there’s a bright design choice. I mean okay you want to go through a decompression cycle, but really, there are circumstances in which the people should be able to let themselves out.

        And I’d not heard of this situation, so I appreciate the news.

      • Grosspatzer

        Stupid is as stupid does. My flowers are blooming quite nicely despite the efforts of the deer and rodents to annihilate them. Gardening is good.

      • Fourscore

        My garden is growing great. Early hot spring and now the long days of sunshine. Need a little water and lots of TLC on cornering the weeds. In days gone by I would quit worrying about the weeds around 1 July, the plants had outgrown the weeds, this year however, the many of the plants have already outgrown the weeds but for cosmetic reasons I can still attack.

      • Grosspatzer

        Most weeds are annoying, but I am hoping to see some Jimson Weed this year. Beautiful flowers, and some interesting alkaloids for the adventurous/suicidal.

      • UnCivilServant

        I dislike the appearance of the seed pods. I know I’d miss it in bloom and only see the spiny alien eggs.

      • Rat on a train

        “Better late than never.”

      • hayeksplosives

        Is it too late to book Kate Winslet to throw a cheap-ass Hope diamond lookalike to the exhumation of the sub?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      $250,000 to see the wreck through a small viewing window in a claustrophobic submersible?
      Nope…

      • UnCivilServant

        There are also external cameras for the 4k monitors too.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Probably some form of catastrophic failure. A sad situation but the deep ocean makes space look safe.

      • robodruid

        I thought those things had a ballast they could drop.

      • UnCivilServant

        If the main pressure chamber ruptures, I don’t think that would help.

      • robodruid

        +1 implosion.
        PV=nRT

  28. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    Got the results from Friday’s brain scan. Good news is It showed nothing; bad news is no explanation for problems with speech, balance, and uh…

    Memory!

    What are you doing awake at this hour, Miz ‘Splosives?

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! Yikes! This is the first I recall hearing of these issues! Has this been going on for a while? 😟

      • Gender Traitor

        …brain scan. Good news is It showed nothing…

        You’re just teeing this one up, aren’t you? 😉

      • Grosspatzer

        Speech and memory, yes; balance issues are recent. It’s made working very difficult; frankly, i am amazed my employer puts up with me. The golden years are overrated.

      • Gender Traitor

        I suspect your employer values you and believes that, if necessary, you’ve earned a little slack while you sort this out.

    • hayeksplosives

      “What are you doing awake at this hour, Miz ‘Splosives?”

      Maybe sympathizing wish your crazy brain from afar? No, seriously my Temporal Lobe Epilepsy brain wants me to go back to bed. So I will!

      • robodruid

        Good Night.

      • hayeksplosives

        Thanks. Will do.

        🙏😆💕

    • Gender Traitor

      Are you sure they won’t now lose it on purpose? 😄

      • Sean

        You can hear the bells jingle from a good distance. The unicorn squeaks too.

      • rhywun

        lol

    • UnCivilServant

      Are those supposed to be wings or just different colored tips on the hair?

      • Sean

        Wings.

    • Fourscore

      I had to do that one time, the troops somehow kept losing the key to the perimeter gate, had a handle about a foot long. Of course every time the key was lost we had to change locks which was a pain. I threatened and finally put a handle about 5 feet long on the key. Then they started surreptitiously cutting the handle off until it was a foot long again but stopped losing the key.