We were in Slovakia visiting my in-laws, and my wife was running errands, so I decided to go for a ride. The condition of my in-laws’ bikes was abysmal. In one case the front brake was attached by a single strand of cable, so I decided to borrow a bike from a hotel in the neighboring village. As it turns out those bikes weren’t so great either. The tires were underinflated so I asked the gal behind the counter for a pump. After she slapped me, I explained I needed an air pump for the tires. She couldn’t find one so the tires were going to remain flat. And I guess a BJ was out of the question too. I accepted my fate and set out on my ride.
My goal was to head to Schlosshof, a palace built in the early 17th century across the border in Austria. To get there I had to make my way to the Chuck Norris Bridge which crosses the Morava River to Austria. When the bridge was built, the government ran a survey to see what they should name it. Chuck Norris Bridge was the winner, like the proto Boaty McBoatface. Alas, authoritarianism dies hard, so the government overruled the will of the people stating, “You cannot cross Chuck Norris”. They named it the Bridge of Freedom instead. So much for Our Democracy.
I crossed Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.
To get to the bridge I needed to find a way across the freeway. Google Maps showed two overpasses I could use. I was pretty familiar with one, but there could be a lot of traffic and Slovak drivers aren’t really bike-friendly, so I chose the second which was basically an old farm road. After a couple wrong turns I found the right road to take. Some of these fields had belonged to my wife’s family before Communism. They sort of have been returned, but she owns shares in the company that manages the fields rather than a specific plot of land. It seems that the management sucks out all the profits leaving us about 10 euros a year in dividends.
Once across the freeway I skirted a massive VW plant. If you own a VW, there’s a good chance at least part of it was made here. Past the factory was the Morava River. In communist times this area was off limits to most people as it was on the border with Austria. It would have been a natural escape route because the river is not very wide. My wife said she used to play down there as a kid, as the soldiers didn’t worry about kids trying to escape, but no such luck for adults unless they had a special permit. As an extra layer of security, the border guards were rotated frequently to keep them from establishing a friendly relationship with anyone who might want to escape.
I found the bridge and crossed into Austria. After about a mile on a gravel path I was at the garden gates of Schlosshof, but unfortunately it was closed. Well crap, what am I going to do now? It was still early, so I decided to ride over to Hainburg, a town on the Danube where Jaime Jr was born many years before. He was such a large baby the hospital staff named him Der Burgermeister, but he’s probably been forced out of his position by now due to term limits.
Der Schlosshof war leider geschlossen.
I didn’t know the exact road to take to get to Hainburg, but I could see the castle in the distance. The castle got the works by the Ottomans in the 17th century but the ruins are still visible for miles around. I know the bridge across the Danube to get to the town is kind of over that way, and it has a tower that sticks up above the trees, so I’ll find it eventually. After several wrong turns through fields and small villages, I finally found the bridge and made my way across the river.
Donaubrucke
A little way upstream from the bridge are the ruins of the old Roman border city of Carnuntum, home to Marcus Aurelius when he was stoically fighting the Marcomanni. It’s worth a visit if you are in the area. However, I was starving. I had planned to eat at Schlosshof so I didn’t bring much food with me. I decided to head downriver into town on the Danube Cycle Path. The path starts in Germany and goes all the way to the Black Sea. I’ve ridden bits of it here and there, most notably through the Wachau in Austria. The Wachau is well worth a visit in the Fall when the leaves in the vineyards are changing color and you can always find a harvest festival like the one the Griswolds went to in European Vacation.
My search for food along the path was futile. There was a number of restaurants, but they all looked too classy for a sweaty cyclist. All I wanted was a wurst and a beer, and I didn’t need a white tablecloth and a waiter in a tie. I headed out of Hainburg, still hungry and now getting a little thirsty. Before long I was crossing back over into Slovakia. No wait at the border these days, but it could take hours to get across in the 90s, even though Communism had fallen. Before our son was born my wife suffered through the wait at the border to get to her job in Vienna to earn western wages and pay eastern rent so she could support me in the manner in which I’m accustomed. She’s a good hardworking woman of solid peasant stock. I guess I’ll keep her.
Hainburg
Just across the border is a string of bunkers which are now open to the public. They were built in the 1930s as a defense against Austria and then Germany after the Anschluss, but they were never used as Slovakia sided with Germany in WW2. They didn’t have a whole lot of options. Austria had already been absorbed into Germany. The Czech lands had been given away in Munich. They could have tried to align themselves with the USSR, but given their shared border with Ukraine which at the time was somewhat further east, they probably knew all too well that that wasn’t a good option. Could they have remained neutral like Switzerland? Maybe, but Hungary, who ruled Slovakia for centuries until the breakup of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, was already aligned with Germany and would have liked to have Slovakia back. Slovakia probably needed to pick a side for protection. Their alliance with Germany is a controversial subject in Slovakia, and the Soviets liked to hold it over their heads, but really I don’t know what else they could have done. They were in a bad neighborhood.
Bunker
Anyway, I was still starving, so I bypassed the bunkers like the Germans bypassed the Maginot Line. Crossing over the Danube, I decided to head back upriver to a bike friendly restaurant I had seen by the Chuck Norris Bridge. Along the way I passed through Devin, home of Devin Castle, which dates back at least to the 9th century, and most recently known as a filming location for the Tia Carrerra classic Kull the Conqueror, a solid 24% on Rotten Tomatoes. Carrerra liked to smoke cigars when she was filming in Bratislava, and you always knew she was in the area by the smell of cigar smoke.
Mmm, Tia. I’ll be in my bunker.
Finally I made it to the restaurant for beer and klobasa. Fed and buzzed I headed back to return the bike passing by the neighborhood known as Beverly Hills, as it was one of the first neighborhoods that the newly wealthy started moving to in the late 90s. Beyond Beverly Hills I took Pilgrim Road back to the village where I rented the bike. The village is a pilgrimage spot as there was an alleged sighting of the Virgin Mary centuries ago. Now there is an annual festival where rich Gypsies show off their gold, poor Gypsies try to take your wallet by illegal means, vendors try to take your wallet by legal means, and everyone drinks a lot.
End of the road
Bike returned, I walked back to the in-laws for more drinking, because that’s what you do. The short jaunt across the border turned out to be a 75 km ramble when all was said and done. It was like a Slovak triathlon: a little hiking, a little biking, and a little swimming in beer. There’s lots more to explore by bike the next time I visit, but I’ll probably try a little more planning.
This was fun! If you watched a sled hockey game and saw Hillary Clinton do unspeakable things you’d have hit everything on the Glibs checklist.
All of my family o both sides are from Slovakia. I’d like to visit there some day.
I’m still a little bitter that the lockdowns fucked my Prague trip, but I have been to Austria. I shall return!
Thanks, JR! Another fun one!
I’ve only been to ski resort Austria. I’d love to check out Wien some day.
I highly recommend it, great country to visit.
Second. Loved Wien.
Salzburg was magical for a young imprudent fellow.
This is pretty cool. I wish we’d been able to see more when we were in Vienna in 2019. All we did was take the train to Bratislava, go to the castle and eat lunch, walk around town, and then go back. Best part was catching the bus from the castle back down to the city center and a local young man was very eager to talk to us because he’d learned English from YouTube. Probably some relative of yours? lol But he was delightful telling us about the city.
But still the whole trip was very interesting. It really made me realize how French/English-centric my learning of European history had been, and how little even of the Eastern Front I knew about, or Austria generally, to say nothing of a place like Bratislava and how it had coped behind the Iron Curtain. I’d definitely like to go back to that area and poke around some more.
My oldest brother was into fencing and got me started. We learned under a Hungarian (Magyar) emigré who fled either just before or in the wake of ’56, a former member of the national team there.
Duh, point being we also got some interesting geo-political lessons!
When I lived there in the 90s people were very reluctant to speak English to me. They were deathly afraid of making a mistake, which is pretty much inevitable when learning a language. I think it’s something about their school system that makes them afraid. On the bright side it forced me to learn the language.
I’m thinking this is another case of “something for everyone”.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bWPKKH6OCaE
That is so cool! I used to be a bike guy with the requisite superhero legs but no more. These are really fun reads. On a side-width note, I dragged my sorry ass out of the house for the first time since forever and drove myself to my Dr’s appointment. Turns out that I have to get tested for breast cancer because there is something in my right chest-feeding annointment utensil about the size and shape of a hen’s egg. I got home and started singing this song to Judi with the requisite misspelling https://youtu.be/ifWOSnoCS0M She was not amused but mind you, she did get kicked by a horse yesterday. Sorry for the OT, Jaime.
Feel better friend!
I don’t think you can feel better friends than the folks here.
Thanks! I wasn’t trolling for sympathy, it just seemed amusing. “Maaaaamaries….”
This is personally not unheard of either. When I was 11 years old I grew a tiny tit. That was the season of swimming with a t-shirt. My elder brother and his cohort called me “Titty” relentlessly until I grew six inches taller over the summer.
That’s a funny story, Titty!
That’s the way to roll.
Way to bury the lede Festus, I hope Judi is okay. I’d say the same for you but I’m pretty sure you’re to damn ornery to die.
I loaned her my hickory cane but she had to pledge to return it. Otherwise it’s gonna cost her two dollahs, cash! In all seriousness though, seeing as that I am a bearded late middle-aged man it will be rather uncomfortable for everyone in the waiting room. Think I’ll wait in the hallway lest paper tent occurs…
Fun read! Thanks.
Currently on vacation at the Jersey shore. Got an email from (a now former) coworker and good friend. His whole department just laid off. I’m now sad and in a pissy mood.
Oof that’s food for thought.
*pours another drink*
Yup. Haven’t spoken with him yet.
My bet is around six months severance given his tenure.
The last thing I need is to be terminated again from my current employer – I rather like it there.
Same thing happened at a former shop. I thought that I would be delighted when the company went under but quite the opposite. I helped to get a dozen guys hired on. Just because I got down-sized didn’t mean anything to a few hundred other people left out in the cold. Cold hard truth.
The company has been fair to us both. Part of the deal is knowing this is a possibility.
I got laid off from a different company earlier. They were also fair and professional.
It still sucked however.
I used to work at a place that hired all of the misfit toys from the 70’s malaise. The Guys and Gals that didn’t have an in. Some of us were ambitious, others were happy to be drones. The company grew too quickly. I warned them but they just didn’t listen. They bought me out and three years later they shut down. The plant looks like Detroit porn now.
Well this is something you aren’t going to often see.
https://www.thedrive.com/news/watch-the-retired-big-boy-steam-train-rescue-a-stalled-freight-train-in-nebraska
Nice. Fanboy heaven!
Thx JR. I’m enjoying these. Summer touring on country road by bike is the best way to travel.
A million pounds of US mechanical engineering to the rescue. Loved the bit of wheel slip.
The Big Boy’s driver wheels stand 6ft tall and with the tender it is longer than a 747.
If you are ever in Sacramento, the train museaum is something to behold. They have a very large forward control steam engine that you can tour the cab of.
I agree. That is a fun museum. If you are ever in Cheyenne they have a Big Boy in the public park- no going through the cab tho.
West of town, not far off the interstate, is the old right of way over Sherman Hill. Right next to the spot the train used to pass is an American pyramid that was built as a monument to the Ames brothers who were instrumental in building the UP portion of the transcontinental.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ames_Monument
There’s at least one movie that uses a cab forward as stock footage. Lovely beasts.
Dang. That was so cool!
Thank you so much! It made my entire day!
KK loves her some planes. I love me some trains.
Enjoy traveling with you, JR
The only Kull is the one with the Glave!
Krull, fellow old fella. I had a crush on that Lissa chick back then.
I was stoned 100% of of the time back then and it should be “Glaive”. Yes, she was sweet.
I hear you, brother. What’s an “i” between friends?
Glave…glaive. I can’t spell either one.
Invasion of Spain. Includes hot topless chicks.
https://twitter.com/CapitanBitcoin/status/1678448297814499335?s=20
2023 keeps getting weirder.
A different Spain than the one I remember from the ’60s
Yusuf – I should be able to meet up for discs, etc on Sat afternoon – maybe if you send me a dm in the message board I can reach out for details – email or text. Thanks
Jelly…
Call me D
I’m on it, What time? I’ll book tee times
How do you dm?
In keeping with my sullen mood was having dinner with my parents tonight and my dad mentioned he actually witnessed this when he was in college.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pan_Am_Flight_214
It happened one town over from his location. He said he saw the bolt of lightening, but instead of diminishing at the end it seemed to get brighter. What he later realized he witnessed was the ignition of the aircraft.
Damn, that’s a crazy bit of history to witness.
Sorry for the OT, but this is real good stuff,
https://americanshootingjournal.com/wyatt-earp-interview-on-gunfighting/
Cheers!
Good article
WHAT A FIRSTER GOTTA DO TO GET A TABLE DANCE???
SAY WHAT WHAT
I love the idea of a Napoleon movie. Marvelous general, fantastic Firster. I do not love the idea of it being directed by an over the hill Ridley Scott with a focus more on his love life and him being played by a now old Joaquin Phoenix. He is a great actor in the right role. Napoleon is not that role, though I don’t really have any names that come to mind.
Martin Weir would be a natural for the role of Napoleon.
Bobcat Goldthwait?
You know, for the sex scenes.
Joe Pesci has been playing Napoleon for nearly fifty years.
Well Napoleon was born on Corsica which was not yet French so it makes sense.
That was a great write-up! Funny and informative, just the way i like it.
Man, I gotta start traveling again when the dust settles a bit.
Thanks for sharing!
Libertarian nerd date: we work together all day on electrical engineering shit, then go get dinner, then hanky panky at the hotel, then cuddle up and watch libertarian comedy sketches like Andrew Heaton and Remy. All the while stroking each other’s hair or rubbing/gently scratching backs. (Sometimes we indulge in some SpaceX updates.)
I’ve left him to sleep and returned to my apartment. Easier this way and we have a loooooong to-do list at work. Sleep is necessary.
It’s good to find a match. Might not last forever but I’m taking it one day at a time.
⬅
Top of the morning, Glibs!
🌄😃
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIANBamMgas
🎶🎶
Good morning, Sean!
First order of business this morning is going to be to cancel my appointment Thursday morning to get a filling replaced. Late yesterday I got the EOB for my dental checkup on the 30th, and I found out that practice is no longer in my insurer’s network. 🤦🏼♀️
Oh, well! I’d been thinking of changing dentists anyway, and this gives me the perfect reason to switch. Hope I can get in with the guy Tres recommended, whose office is one short block and across the nearby main drag away from my house. 🦷
😟
It may be lucky that the office had rescheduled my appointment, which was originally supposed to be this past Friday. I might have had an unpleasant surprise when I got the bill. 😲
How are you this morning, U?
I want a vacation, but there’s nothing scheduled until labor day.
Ugh! That does seem like a long, hot stretch, doesn’t it? 😞 August needs its own meaningless yet over-hyped holiday.
Any chance of getting away for a bit before September?
No, we’ve got several major upgrades rolling through july, followed by training which then opens up more migrations we need to do to clean up the environments to set up for onboarding more client agencies.
Yikes! 😳 Does indeed sound as if there’s no escape for a while. 🙁
Can you catch a covid cold?
Good morning, ‘bodru! Any new (and, I hope, positive) developments re: your home situation?
Hey GT.
No news, i am supposed to plead our case in front of the water commision on Thursday.
Probably will loose
We are purging and packing.
We cant stay here and keep animals safe.
Much sadness. But trying to find a place with more land, less house. less mortgage.
And be free.
Let me guess, the water commission consists of the people causing your troubles.
🙁🤞🏼
NYET! Bicycle is fine.
Mornin’, reprobates!
Good luck with finding a new dentist, GT.
more migrations we need to do to clean up the environments
You must have a better class of migrants, U. The ones I’m familiar with tend to befoul the environment.
Good morning, patzie (and NA!) and thanks! Even if I can’t get in with the guy Tres recommends, I apparently have multiple in-network options close by.
I gotta find one here in PNW. I don’t have any pressing issues, but I haven’t been to the dentist since pre Covid. I’m due for a good clean and general inspection. Don’t want to have to wait until I have an owie.
The last time I went that long between visits (many years ago when I was young and broke) is when I ended up needing the filling which now (allegedly) needs to be replaced. Hope you can find a good practitioner!
The Bee is killing it, again.
https://babylonbee.com/news/california-bans-spanish-over-nouns-having-only-two-gender-options
LOL