Third of July Filler Afternoon Links

by | Jul 3, 2023 | Daily Links | 89 comments

Happy Monday everyone, if you’re here in the US of A, its an unofficial holiday for many places who don’t want to be understaffed with the official holiday tomorrow. Or maybe I’m just lucky that way. Anyhow, I’m going to post some links and then take my kids swimming. We’d go to the beach, but then we’d be elbow-to-elbow with every other asshole on the I-75 corridor who drove down. Enjoy, y’all.

This is how you do a bachelor party.

Right city, wrong targets.

Because 30 miles is too far to drive to the beach in Florida?

I think failure to consummate the marriage is technically grounds for annulment, not divorce.

Motorhead power ballad? Why not.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

89 Comments

  1. Common Tater

    “Right city, wrong targets.”

    Florida Man Added To Watchlist

    • Common Tater

      “Unspecified damage was incurred at all three scenes from which the attacker fled in a champagne-colored Acura TL with Maryland license plates, police said.

      “In each of these offenses, it appears the suspect targeted commercial establishments and it does not appear the suspect was targeting any members of the public,” the police department said in a statement.

      “The establishments were closed at the time of the offenses. There were no reported injuries as a result of these offenses.”

      I wonder what the motive was?

      • SDF-7

        in a champagne-colored Acura TL

        Nope, sorry… France is all snotty that it is a sparkling-wine-colored Acura TL since it isn’t in their particular province.

      • Ted S.

        Regular champagne or pink champagne?

      • kinnath

        We are all just prisoners here

    • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

      Didn’t Sean just get an SUV?

      • Sean

        I did.

        LOVE IT.

      • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

        Gaia killer

  2. SDF-7

    Because 30 miles is too far to drive to the beach in Florida?

    Just skimmed the article — but I’d say more likely “But then we might run into the poors Thurston!”

    I think failure to consummate the marriage is technically grounds for annulment, not divorce.

    Definitely is in the Roman Catholic tradition… assumed as much otherwise. That said — I think they’re both probably narcissistic assholes. She should damned well know the wedding night has certain expectations and “I’m tired” isn’t likely to cut it. Plan the day so you aren’t, Bridezilla. And he should get used to the damned excuses if he’s going to get married (I kid! I kid!)

    Watch out for the gators as you swim with the Brettlings… have fun!

    • Ted S.

      I was thinking almost the same thing: who wants to run into Brett L at the lagoon?

    • hayeksplosives

      One key piece of info missing from the wedding night story is whether theyd had sex with each other before. If so. The failure to consummate on the wedding night isn’t grounds for annulment.

      Also, it would give me a little more sympathy for her since she wouldn’t be denying him something he’s waited months for. Also, were they drunk?

      Either way, they both sound like jerks.

      • Sensei

        Yeah, I had the same thought above.

        I’m tending to doubt it and gong with both are assholes.

  3. Stinky Wizzleteats

    I see the New York Post managed to make a retarded nonstory into an even more retarded story. Shit like this makes The Daily Mail look sophisticated.

    • rhywun

      They had help:

      ORIGINALLY
      PUBLISHED BY:
      news.com.au

  4. Grumbletarian

    I dare say it was the groom who dodged a bullet.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Maybe she was just too tired. I can see that.

      • Sean

        Can we just hate them both?

      • SDF-7

        That was my vote… but no one replies to my comments… sniff.

      • Sean

        *hugs*

        “No homo”

      • kinnath

        yes

      • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

        YOU MUST CHOOSE

      • SDF-7

        TWENTY QUATLOOS ON THE KIRK WITH THE SCRATCHES!

      • kinnath

        I choose not to choose

      • Sensei

        You have freewill not to do so.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        We should, tired? Or bored

      • Sensei

        That’s where I fall.

      • Grumbletarian

        I’m sure if the groom said that morning that he was too tired to go through the wedding rigamarole she would have been okay with it.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      How does one even prove nonconsummation anyway? No wonder annulments are rare.

      • Sensei

        One thing not said was if she was waiting for marriage before consenting.

        The only mythical couple I’m aware who actually did this was my in-laws and my wife arrived almost exactly 9 months after their marriage. I don’t think you could be more Catholic.

      • Threedoor

        My wife and I

      • MojeauXX

        Um … 😏

      • Sensei

        Not suggesting only Catholics, however.

      • Ted S.

        Is her hymen still intact?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Bloody sheets?

    • Drake

      Maybe they both dodged a bullet?

      • kinnath

        Correct.

        Their relationship was doomed, because neither one of them appears to be an adult in any way.

    • rhywun

      some white students stood up and said, ‘Those students, the black students, they’re only here because of affirmative action

      LOL bullshit

      • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

        Absolutely bullshit

        They’d be out in a heartbeat and they all know it.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Probably some were thinking it. Others might have said something like “Affirmative action leads people to believe that the only reason blacks are here is because the standards were lowered.” But I doubt it happened the way she represents it.

    • juris imprudent

      She’s laughing all the way to the bank isn’t she? Damn straight she wouldn’t be on MSNBC without that Harvard connection.

      • Fourscore

        Joy is not aware she’ll be charged for reparations and student loans. The money will come out of tax dollars and I’m guessing she and I are not in the same income bracket.

      • The Other Kevin

        True, but she’s probably got a better accountant, and the IRS is much more concerned with Mojeaux’s $600 online sales than they are with a Lib in good standing’s questionable deductions.

  5. Grosspatzer

    The third target was a Safeway supermarket in the 300 block of 40th Street. Police said someone threw a “Molotov cocktail-style object” at the business.

    Damn Russians. Next they’ll be firing assault-style weapons.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    The shocking wedding story left Chatfield and her male colleagues horrified.

    Okay.

  7. Brochettaward

    That feeling when you know you’re the Firstest guy in the room…

    • Brochettaward

      In ANY room!

      WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

    • SDF-7

      Its astounding — your Firsts are… fleeting.

      Madness….

      takes its toll.

      • Nerfherder (Non-Non-Man)

        But listen closely…

    • R.J.

      I think I am up for it. Worn out from last night. Too many drinks, pools and sun.

      • KK, Non-Man

        We also gotta entertain Swiss, possibly. So get your puns and dad jokes ready

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        ‘Cause, first you’re Russian
        Then European
        Finally, Finnish!

      • Swiss Servator

        Yer darn tootin’ ya do!

        Dog got her tranq a couple of minutes ago. I am almost ready to open a TALL CAN or the Scotch.

        Wife going with gal pal to local fireworks show.

      • Gustave Lytton

        When does a joke become a dad joke?

        When it becomes apparent.

      • Gender Traitor

        …or if it’s patronizing?

    • Ownbestenemy

      Zoom you say?

  8. The Late P Brooks

    One man in the comments section was confused about why this was so shocking to women, prompting someone to explain: “You don’t owe sex to anyone not even your husband.”

    Now do paychecks.

    • Gadfly

      You do kinda owe sex to your spouse. Not “on demand”, but you should be rescheduling rather than giving a hard “no”.

      • kinnath

        “Owe” is a terrible word for this situation.

    • SDF-7

      Meanwhile the Twink of the North and the idiots in Amsterdam are encouraging their citizens to do so….

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Astounding “discovery”


    In a world suddenly brimming with potential solutions for the climate crisis, it sounds like clickbait: How this one weird cow trick can improve soil, water, wildlife, and farmer wealth while pulling tons of planet-cooking carbon from the sky.

    With methane burping out of their 4 billion stomachs – and the 12 million acres of forests cleared around the world each year to feed them – it is estimated if the world’s 1 billion cows were a country, they’d be third behind China and the US on the list of climate-changing polluters.

    But Arizona State University professor and filmmaker Peter Byck believes by simply changing the way they are grazed, cattle can be useful allies in Earth repair.

    ——-

    Byck first discovered the carbon-gobbling power of healthy soils while making the documentary “Carbon Nation,” and in 2014, he assembled a team of scientists in to launch a first-of-its-kind study of five pairs of neighboring farms across the Southeast.

    Nobody knew anything about this until an academic researcher explained it to them.

    • rhywun

      planet-cooking carbon

      Hard science from the hard-boiled science journalists at CNN.

      • rhywun

        Meanwhile, actual scientists who aren’t playing along with this nonsense are getting canceled.

  10. Evan from Evansville

    Another fun session with the behavioral health folk. They didn’t ask me if I was literate this time. I’m looking to, kinda ‘hopefully,’ doing a week of inpatient.

    My goal is for the first few days to be solidly in. I’m also damn sure that DTs will come in. I’m looking for what they recommended, activan and phenobarbital to just dampen shit. I’m quite sure (relatively minor) DTs and epilepsy is not something I really want to remember. Especially when I’m pretty much, or feel like, I’m signing my own prison sentence.

    I suppose I am, but it likely needs to be done. I need eyes on me. It won’t be pleasant.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      👀

      Just teasing. Excelsior!

      • Fourscore

        Good luck, Evan

    • Fourscore

      When they start hooking wires up to you they may not be doing an EKG. Is electroshock still a treatment? My ex had several electro events, didn’t seem to do much for very long. Adult onset schizophrenia is no way to live. Many of the homeless probably are using serious drugs to shake the demons.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I don’t think that’s the dx. Isn’t it TBI?

    • Tundra

      Good luck, Evan. I think you’re ready to win.

    • Tres Cool

      They’ll detox your alcohol dependency with frequent IV ativan. Not enough to be fun, but enough to keep you from freaking out. 3 days or so.
      Expect to sweat a lot and be bored.

      …heard from a friend

  11. DrOtto

    Divorce is a civil, state recognized process, annulment is it’s (Catholic) religious counterpart. Anyone can get a divorce under the eyes of the state, getting your church to recognize it is a different matter entirely. In Judaism, it’s a ‘Get’. Not sure what other religions call it.

    • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

      Vegas says it’s a Push.

    • Fourscore

      I divorced my wife, Later, a year or two she had the marriage annulled. About 13 years and 2 kids too late, it would seemed to me.

      • Tres Cool

        Same here. I was married to (ex) Mrs. Cool for 15 years. After 5 I shoulda thrown in the towel.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Annulment is also available, at least in some states, if the marriage was illegal such as by bigamy.

  12. MojeauXX

    Why is “haole” an accepted word in Wordle?

    • Threedoor

      $20 zie/zir/zim are.

      • MojeauXX

        Has to be 5 letters.

      • Threedoor

        Ah. Crap. I owe you twenty bucks.

    • Ted S.

      English doesn’t “borrow” from other languages: it follows them down dark alleys, knocks them over, and goes through their pockets for loose grammar and valuable vocabulary.

      • MojeauXX

        Yes, but “haole” is a slur.

      • The Hyperbole

        Quite a few slurs are accepted, I recall some Karen complained about one of them ( I forget which, SPICK maybe Chink ) and the NYT people told her that it is valid for guesses but they wouldn’t allow it to be a solution.

      • MojeauXX

        Chink has a non-slur definition, so I can see that one being a solution.

      • dbleagle

        But “haole” is a brown people slur for white “debil” folk. Therefor by the law of transference it is not only acceptable, but demanded.