FADE IN:
EXT-METRO CITY ZOO-DAY
PEERLESS PALADIN and BRUTE MALAFACTOR walk through the zoo, each holding a hand of retarded copy boy JEFFIE JOHNSON (wearing a beanie with a propeller on top). In the background we see hippos, lions and giraffes in small iron-barred enclosures. They approach an area with a big white sign with black lettering: PRIMATIVE PRIMATE EXHIBIT
NARRATOR
We now join everyday normal reporter Peerless Paladin, whose alter-ego is secretly Gravity Man, and fellow completely usual reporter Brute Malefactor, who is secretly Anti-Gravity Man, along with retarded copy boy Jeffie Johnson as they are on a news assignment at the Metro City Zoo.
The trio walk past an orangutan, who is masturbating; a gorilla, who is masturbating; and a lemur, who is masturbating; before reaching the enclosure marked ‘Spider Monkey’. This enclosure houses 12 monkeys, all of which are masturbating. Combing the hair of one of the monkeys is a freckle faced scrawny man, wearing a brown jumpsuit that reads ‘Primate Groomer’ on the back. Orbit Boy is swatting away clumps of semen that are trying to enter Peerless’ orbit.
PEERLESS
Excuse me sir, are you the Groomer?
GROOMER
Who wants ta’ know?
ORBIT BOY glares at the GROOMER.
BRUTE
We’re the reporters, from the Metro City Metropolitan News Paper. We are here to cover your grooming techniques.
GROOMER
Oh, sure, I remember now. Your boss sure seemed interested in grooming.
The Groomer stands up and walks over towards the wall of bars our trio from the newspaper stand outside of. Orbit Boy is being bashed against the bars.
PEERLESS
Why, yes. Grooming has become big news lately. It seems a lot of very powerful people really enjoy it.
BRUTE
Yes, it is a pastime that has really caught on. It’s very trendy right now. Some might say, even the bee’s knees! I dabble myself.
GROOMER
Well, I don’t know about all that, but it’s certainly something I enjoy.
PEERLESS looks over at a spider monkey, he’s hanging from a tire swing, masturbating.
PEERLESS
Tell me, is that, um, is that…something they do a lot?
JEFFIE jumps up and down clapping and laughing.
The Groomer has a confused look on his face.
GROOMER
What are you talking about?
PEERLESS
That…self…stimulation. Is that something these primates do often?
GROOMER
Oh, that. Yeah, shucks. They do it all the time. I encourage it. It’s a natural behavior.
BRUTE
Why yes, Peerless, he is right. I went on safari in darkest Africa. Perfectly natural. Now, Groomer, tell me, what is your secret, how exactly do you encourage them?
JEFFIE shoves his hand down his pants and begins masturbating. Laughing.
PEERLESS
Jeffie! Stop! Don’t do that!
BRUTE
Peerless, you heard the Groomer, it’s perfectly natural.
PEERLESS
Perhaps if he were in private, but here, in public!?
GROOMER
I think it’s beautiful.
BRUTE
He’s expressing himself, I think that is something we should encourage. After all, we are his mentors.
PEERLESS
I just don’t know! I’m so confused! It may be natural, but is it something we should encourage?
BRUTE
Peerless, we’re in the media! Of course we should encourage it! It’s our duty!
PEERLESS
No! No! It just doesn’t feel like it’s something we should encourage!
BRUTE
I just can’t stand by and watch you deny his existence!
BRUTE runs off into the single stall outhouse simply marked ‘Toilet’ a few frames later ANTI-GRAVITY MAN emerges, floating in a ‘Christ Pose’ out of the same door.
ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
I have come out to punish the unbelieving who would deny an innocent child their sexuality! It is a beautiful and natural thing! Come, my monkey horde! I release you from your bondage to fight for me!
ANTI-GRAVITY MAN uses his power to open all the locks in the primate area. Some apes finish masturbating and wander out. But most stay in their cages masturbating.
PEERLESS
Jeffie, I need to leave for a moment, will you be okay?
JEFFIE
Heheheheheheh. Funny Monkey!
JEFFIE Continues to masturbate as Peerless clods off. Large clumps of monkey semen continue to orbit around him. ORBIT BOY trying to avoid them. AS SOON AS PEERLESS WALKS OUT OF FRAME A BAD JUMP CUT TO GRAVITY MAN (and Orbit Boy) LANDING, CREATING A CRATER AND CLUMPS OF CONCRETE FLOATING AROUND.
GRAVITY MAN
Stand back Jeffey!
GRAVITY MAN smashes JEFFEY into the metal bars, knocking him out. His hand doesn’t come free from Jeffie’s head until three or four hits on the bars.
GRAVITY MAN
If you want to pervert reality, you’ll have to get through me!
ORBIT BOY is still being smashed against the bars of the enclosure.
ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
Gladly! Monkey Horde, attack!
The primates who have left their enclosures still sit, masturbating. Some of them lick their hands afterwards.
GRAVITY MAN
It seems you and the Groomer finished before you even started! This is, after all, a very touchy subject.
JEFFIE, who just now regained consciousness, laughs and claps. The white goo between his hands splattering and stretching in sinewy strings. All of which gravitate to ORBIT BOY, who is now covered in goo.
ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
You may have beaten me off this time! But I will come again!
EXIT Anti-Gravity Man
MARGO appears from out of frame for no reason.
MARGO
That was a hard nut to bust, but you made it come fast there at the end, Gravity Man.
FADE OUT
*unzips*
*slowly backs out of chat room*
You haven’t even seen any pics…
*backs out faster*
Whoa there, fella! Careful what you’re backing into!
Hell of a First, Sean.
😁
Oh, cum on…
Great grave clods of creepy spider monkey spunk!
Oy vey…
Ah, this explains much.
https://www.amazon.com/photos/shared/QQLC34trQWWh5vXXiUw1PQ.m2X7_mLVrIWS-aKBKCog_n
Batch 1
W0t?
Do you even continuity, bro?
I promised to post B&B artwork last thread. As long as I’m semi sober. Which is fading fast.
I wasn’t here for the last thread.
Have you joined the CCP?
https://www.amazon.com/photos/shared/U1r5dhXHS7yQQyqvdf4XuA.RE6q77Ekht_bkx5sM4VsH7
More
https://www.amazon.com/photos/shared/XAx4VHOISL-MTaqDoCBxsQ.2BvDQ1eJCBuZg_Qt3Fl_Ky
More
Nice work, but reality has you beat:
Feminist medical school professor says trans kids identifying as ‘minotaurs’ are part of ‘gender revolution’
From the article, I learned that a prius is a mythological creature which is a hybrid of a man and a woman. I thought it was something Toyota made up.
A prius has the front of a man on one side and the front of a woman on the other side.
A gender Minotaur? Sounds like a lot of bull to me.
DIAF
The Norse alreay had a dual goddess who was much more interesting than this asshat.
https://www.worldhistory.org/Hel/
I second MikeS- DIAF
More weird glitches as seen on my laptop:
https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2023/08/youtube-caption-glitches.html
Do you use a VPN?
No. When I showed stuff like this to a friend who was a big tech software engineer, his conclusion was that someone has definitely been messing with my electronics.
Last batch for now: https://www.amazon.com/photos/shared/YaTEbJhQSwGLqR20HF4zvg.GZld4ZYmCVWAaCDTV6TRk-
You were right about the Asian influence. Were the owners of that persuasion?
Nope
Is that one a painting of a white guy making “Asian” faces?
I didn’t realize that MOBA had a China wing.
Good show, CPRM but Orbit man didn’t get much play today
Well done, CPRM. Your stuff is hard to beat!
Semi Spartan Dad, if you’re still around. The essay I was looking for had a number of animal parables that related to humans, economics, governments. Hoping this jogs someone’s memory. There were bits about trapping ferrel pigs by making them feel safe and well fed, grasshoppers converting to locusts, rats in India fleeing the forest after some bumper crop of wild fruit, etc.
this?
I googled this: essay parables ferrel pigs grasshoppers locusts rats in India
A hearty thank you! That is definitely the right text, maybe at a different site. I’d tried dozens of keyword searches as the essay rebuilt in my mind.
This place is a hundred seconders for every Firster. I am so severely outnumbered by mediocrity. Yet I persevere.
I agree. Me, you (sorta) and two hundred seconders. Sad.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvA5xFuDb0o
I dig that “Jeffie” wears one of those propeller beanies from when my Dad was wee. It’s the little things that count.
Today I learned that there’s a personality that goes by DJ Soda. And unsurprisingly, she was groped in Japan. But not by a ojīsan.
https://mainichi.jp/english/articles/20230815/p2g/00m/0na/002000c
Classic ojīsan
https://youtu.be/oIjasUp4npM
Morning all.
In memory of my friend, 2 oddities and a song that is both my finger to death and dying and a half-decent libertarian anthem
From Roxy Music’s second album, For Your Pleasure (their last with Brian Eno, who’ll get his own links later), this very odd little piece.
From Amon Düül II/Utopia, mockery of Nazis here.
Finishing up with this.
Y’all remember that recent discovery of a high(er) temperature superconductor? Well, not a superconductor apparently:
https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-023-02585-7
Considering the potential implications if real that’s kind of a bummer.
In memory of my friend, 2 oddities and a song that is both my finger to death and dying and a half-decent libertarian anthem.
Oops, forgot the 3 links rule. So, the first 2:
From Roxy Music’s second album, For Your Pleasure (their last with Brian Eno, who’ll get his own links later), this very odd little piece.
From Amon Düül II/Utopia, mockery of Nazis here.
Upthread: Gender Minotaurs? *sigh* I’m going back to sleep.
And finally, the finger/anthem:
here.
Bonus repeat, to capture something of how I’m feeling:
Starless
“Pornhub’s new owner promotes female exec in bid for mainstream respectability”
https://nypost.com/2023/08/15/pornhubs-new-owner-alexzandra-kekesi-promotes-female-exec-in-bid-for-respectability/
Not only is she a strong, intelligent, and empowered woman, she can also suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Recently bought out by an outfit named Ethical Capital Partners, good luck with that mainstream respectability thing.
SW, remind me who your latest avatar is?
Bring back David Lee Roth.
Good morning, TO’G, Stinky, and Shirley! ::slips Shirley another hug::
Thank you my dear!
TT is a guitarist, yes? If so, you might have him give Rother’s Erlkonig linked the other day a listen. Quite different from the other link, and wit more overt guitar work.
Michael Rother was one of many musicians my late friend introduced me to.
👍👍
I can’t remember either, it’s either the Georgia Trump grand jury foreperson or the Wicked Witch of the West.
-1, not helpful
‘S OK, I’m giving up politics, I’m taking up volleyball
Happy Thursday morning.
😉☕
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7sr8CUBcpgM
🎶🎶
Happ Tuesday.
Good morning, Sean & U! And U – thanks for the good wishes five days in advance! 😜
Up until this episode I was uncertain as to whether they were new or old scripts for the show.
Mornin ‘, reprobates!
There’s been quite enough reprobatin’ in this post tyvm.
Go ‘way, reprobatin’!
If only retrobatin’ were possible. Ah, to be sixteen again.
Good morning, ‘patzie (& NA!)
Time for me to go get ready for my commute to work. 😕 So far, no accidents showing along my route. ::knocks wood vigorously::
Bon voyadgee!
You mean bon voyahhh-zhuh!
👏👏👏
Time for me to go get ready for my commute to work.
Ugh. This week is going too fast, vacations are too short. Today we shall celebrate the 25th anniversary of the arrival of the elder spawn. There will be cake and ice cream; activities will be minimal due to sunburn and soreness from yesterday’s frolicking in sand and surf.
Sounds like a great vacation so far!
It is very much that, thanks.