Joemala: Episode 197

by | Aug 16, 2023 | Joemala | 167 comments

“I didn’t not burn down Hawaii,” Joe muttered, his senile agitation running high.

“No, one said you did, sir,” Karina said, thumbs blurring as she sent out another Tweet for him.

“I-I-I-I’m getting the blame for it,” he said morosely. “Donald gets to tweet whatever he wants.”

Karine sent the tweet she had been working on and finally looked up from her phone. “Trump lost the election because he sent his own tweets. We are all just worried that the Republicans would bounce if you ever tweeted anything half as bad as he does.”

“It was a Directed Energy Weapon!” Hunter said, springing from behind some Oval Office curtains. “I should have invested in those when I had a chance.”

Karine glowered at him and went back to tweeting.

“A directed wha?” Joe asked. He stood with a snap, a pop, and a crackle of brittle bones and joints running low on cartilage.

“It looks just like lightning, Daddy. Like a bolt from Mount Olympus! Boom!” Hunter said. “It works best when there is already a bunch of lightning, so it is not exactly a wonder weapon.”

“It makes what looks like a lightning bolt during a period of already heightened electrical activity?” Karine asked without looking up.

“Yes, that’s the genius of it,” Hunter said, after exhaling an evil-scented cloud of purplish vapor from his scarred lungs. He drew deep on the vape pen again. His voice tight, he said, “You never know if it was the DEW or the lightning that did the damage,” and exhaled again.

“Smells like coconuts,” Joe said, passing through the cloud.

Hunter flopped onto the couch and scratched himself intimately.

“Why would anyone set Maui on fire on purpose?” Karine asked, her voice dialed into the higher frequencies of pure bitch.

“Man, you are so naive,” Hunter said. “So they can buy the land cheap. It’s like you’ve never ever done a land deal in a third world country before. Once they have the land, they can sell it to Oprah for her tennis court or whatever.”

“What about the people already living there?” Karine asked, her hands shaking.

“Who cares about some fat Hawaiian Hawaiians? Let them eat Spam!” Hunter began to convulse, mocking a person being electrocuted.

“I gave them $700,” Joe said from where he had walked into a wall and became trapped. “They need that money to fight the Czarists.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Hunter said.

“The White Russian Army is just over the Urals. They could be here any day now,” Joe said.

“A White Russian is a cocktail, Daddy,” Hunter said.

“And then-then-then-then-then, we hit them with the lightning!” Joe said. “Zap!” he said, “Zap, zap, zap.”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

167 Comments

  1. The Late P Brooks

    Once they have the land, they can sell it to Oprah for her tennis court or whatever.

    Game, set, match.

  2. Aloysious

    Cracky?

    • Aloysious

      Cracky is in the vape pen. Ha!

  3. DEG

    “The White Russian Army is just over the Urals. They could be here any day now,” Joe said.

    I don’t think Joe is smart enough to know about the White Russian Army unless he’s thinking about a mob drinking White Russian cocktails.

    • Nephilium

      The White Russian Army abides.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      He probably thinks they are white supremacists.

  4. Tundra

    “The White Russian Army is just over the Urals. They could be here any day now,” Joe said.

    Damn. Bravo, dude.

  5. Swiss Servator

    “I gave them $700,” Joe said from where he had walked into a wall and became trapped. “They need that money to fight the Czarists.”

    Heh.

    • WTF

      Joe has no need to bribe the Hawaiians, they’ll vote for him no matter what.

      Young people with student loan debt on the other hand…

  6. Gender Traitor

    “…We are all just worried that the Republicans would bounce…”

    Christie probably would.

    • Tundra

      Doubtful. More like a wet splat, I’m thinking.

    • EvilSheldon

      I see Christie as more of a Splatter than a Bouncer.

      • EvilSheldon

        …ships a six-pack of YooHoo to Tundra.

      • Tundra

        *tips toque*

      • Not Adahn

        This is one of the things that the guys from How Ridiculous should test. Maybe by Line-Xing him first.

    • Grumbletarian

      I was thinking more Loren Boebert on a trampoline.

      • Gender Traitor

        ‘fess up – you’re ALWAYS thinking about that, aren’t you?

      • Grumbletarian

        No! For instance, I think about the butt slap gif whenever it gets used.

    • Rebel Scum

      “His initials are CC, but them bags are big, folks. I call him Double-D Christy.”

  7. Not Adahn

    “Who cares about some fat Hawaiian Hawaiians? Let them eat Spam!”

    I have never had Spam musubi, but I’ve heard it’s good.

    • SugarFree

      It is good. And pretty simple to make. The hardest part is the sushi rice, honestly.

  8. Old Man With Candy

    I hope Hayek has an alibi.

    • hayeksplosives

      Directed Energy Whaaaa…?

      ::skips away innocently::

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Why bother to pretend anymore?

    President Joe Biden and his Cabinet are celebrating the first year of their massive climate law. But his party’s climate hawks are just as worried about all its unfinished business.

    Just for starters: a green jobs training program, incentives for power companies to switch to clean energy and a tax credit for electrical transmission projects. All that and more were left on the cutting room floor when Biden signed the Inflation Reduction Act a year ago Wednesday.

    Many liberal lawmakers and climate advocates say Democrats must take up all these priorities the next time they gain unified control of Congress and the White House. Otherwise, they warn, the U.S. will be unable to thwart the worst effects of global warming.

    ——-

    Stokes also said the IRA might not have ultimately had enough “sticks” — or punitive mechanisms to force utilities to lower their emissions — to really force a change in behavior.

    That inflation reduction nonsense was never anything but a deeply cynical hoax. The joke’s on you, America.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Ideas so good that they need to bludgeon people into going along.

  10. robc

    World Chess Cup QF update:

    Carlsen defeated Gukesh 1.5-0.5 (Won yesterday with black, drew today)
    Erigaisi and Pragg are going to tiebreakers tomorrow, both won with black.
    *Caruana defeated *Dominguez Perez 1.5-0.5 (won with white today)
    Abasov defeated Vidit 1.5-0.5 (won with white today).

    There were 4 indians in the QF. This was also the first World Cup where no Russians made the QF.
    The semis will have 4 nations represented: Norway, India, USA, and Azerbaijan.

    Abasov continues his home cinderella run, but with even bigger bonus now. With his win and Carlsen’s win, Abasov is all but guaranteed a spot in the Candidates Tourney next year. Top 3 make it, and 4th gets a spot if one of the top 3 don’t accept it. Carlsen is highly unlikely to accept, since he chose not to defend his world title anyway, so even if Abasov loses the semi and then loses the 3rd place match, he will still get a candidates spot.

    • robc

      The World Cup is the only major event Carlsen has never won, so he is fighting hard for this one.

      • Lackadaisical

        I’ve been enjoying these world cup updates, keep it up.

  11. kinnath

    Pride Month backlash hurt Target’s sales. They fell for the first time in six years

    Target’s quarterly sales fell for the first time in six years as consumers pulled back on discretionary goods and fierce right-wing backlash to Target’s Pride Month collection took a toll on the brand.

    Target’s sales at stores open for at least one year dropped 5.4% last quarter, including a 10.5% drop online. The company also cut its annual sales forecast.

    Target’s foot traffic dropped 4.8% last quarter, “likely a function of a mix that skews too discretionary, as well as the Pride merchandise issues,” Michael Baker, an analyst at DA Davidson, said in a note to clients

    Tuck and roll.

    • Drake

      I thought the sites of Sodom and Gomorrah were already well known and explored by the Brits in the 20th Century.

      This guy visits and actually lights up some of the sulphur still laying around the area.
      https://youtu.be/jQl4KaRtef8

    • R.J.

      Ridiculous. Also people many time book a year or more in advance, at the cost of thousands of dollars to go there. Nobody can just cancel that to stay home out of respect for the fire. Even if that happened en masse, the whole place would collapse from loss of income. There is no serious industry there.

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        Are you kidding? Coconuts are a most serious industry! The ‘Nut barrons can retire off of their dividends and stock splits. Also, think of all the surf boards. That right there is a commodity, traded alongside bats in the Hawaiian Wet Market, or HWMX.

        The future is Hironic, Brah.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      I think it depends on where they are staying and what they are doing. If they have to drive through Lahaina to get to their hotel or to see the sights, they are probably just getting in the way, even more so if they are going to gawk. If they are going on the road to Hana or up to Haleakala, then they should be fine.

      • Sensei

        We can’t have nuance here. We need emoting and full federal funding for every resident on the island for the foreseeable future.

  12. Tundra

    The Problem with Prepping

    My mother is a prepper, she adores prepping.

    She cans her own preserves, stocks her pantry extraordinarily well, follows various sites, keeps at least one winter’s firewood on hand (like a full winter of the fire going non-stop… 8-10 cords), she’s got her little garden in the back yard, and she generally keeps just about every survival or outdoors piece of kit you could want…

    And she reads extensively specifically on the matter of prepping. Her house is stocked with books on 19th-century home-craft, survival in the woods, “SAS” survival manuals, books on guns, books on bows, books on edible plants, books about plucky teenagers surviving plane crashes and having to last with just a buck knife and their wits, the Little House on the Prairie books… and of course various explicit Doomsday prepper books, covering all manner of plausible and implausible ways the world could end… Figuratively and literally.

    I have no idea how likely a solar flare is, but my mother has proudly told me on multiple occasions to rest assured, whatever redundant analog obscurity she’s recently bought will work during one… this is of course little assurance given my career and income is on here, and requires my laptop to not be fried (Should look into backup emp proof options (microfiche?)).

    My mother is not alone in this…

    Countless reality shows, books, films, blogs, youtube channels, products, etc. All promise to let the prepared survive and thrive in a world where civilization has collapsed and mankind has returned to the primal realities of existence…

    The problem is it’s mostly bullshit.

    This will likely piss some people off, but she makes some excellent points.

    • invisible finger

      One person’s “prepping” is another person’s “living frugally”.

    • John Nerfherder

      Yes. It quickly turns into cracking skulls and taking people’s shit.

      I’d rather not have to make those decisions.

      • kinnath

        This is why antifa scares me/

      • Aloysious

        Crowd control.

        Front Towards Enemy.

        But you are absolutely right. Having to make that kind of decision would be regrettable.

    • Suthenboy

      So do not prepare?
      Fuck that.

      • Tundra

        That’s not what she said.

        She said you need to prep for reality, not fantasy.

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        I always thought a lot of prepper talk was luducris, and most of the survival types are just having a mall ninja AR15 fantasy league moment. That said, having wood on hand, a garden started, a few analog books, and a well stocked set of dry goods isn’t a bad idea.

      • R C Dean

        Useful in just about any situation, really. From supply chain hiccups to TEOTWAWKI.

        No downside to it, either.

    • kinnath

      If you want to actually be prepared you shouldn’t be studying wilderness survivalists, but the Mexican Cartels and IRA. They’ve actually survived the most advanced states in the world trying to crush them for decades, and their members have raised families whilst doing it.

      Crime has always existed. Nothing new.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        She’s not entirely wrong. Being able to keep a low profile and being able to punch back hard when your back is against the wall are important skillsets as well.

      • invisible finger

        Tribalism as survivalism. No mention of how often the cartels and the IRA sacrifice their own.

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        If you say anything, say nothin’.

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      This will likely piss some people off, but she makes some excellent points.

      The author or the mother?

      In either case, I’ve got an article dropping Tuesday that touches on it (The Glibertarian Farmer). I look at being prepared as key to not being dependent on others and that in turn is key to freedom.

    • MikeS

      It took them A LOT of words to get to the damn point, but it was a damn good point:

      Real prepper advice, practice, and philosophy must be oriented to succeed in a scenario where law and order have NOT broken down completely. Where society has NOT fallen apart. Where it is accepted wisdom that you should NOT be preparing, or that you might actively be undermining the revolution, war effort, chances of peace, civil society, or civilization itself by preparing and looking after your own.

      The most important prepper advice is advice that at the actual moment of crisis might be actively treasonous to give, and you or certainly people you know might not wonder if you’re actively evil for contemplating it.

      Where the order has not fallen it has merely grown twisted and looks like it could stumble… that’s probably the most important moment to jump, break social bonds, convention, and the law, and risk, perhaps execution, then and there, instead of allowing yourself to cross a threshold where you’re locked into a slow bleed you can’t escape.

      • Tundra

        Thanks for actually reading.

      • MikeS

        I admit to just skimming the “history of race and sex in zombie and sci-fi movies” section.

    • Lackadaisical

      Could have skipped the whole racial digression just to shorten the article, but I understand there is probably no editor.

      “I’m sorry to have to tell you this: But in 99% of all scenarios, You’ll still be going to work and paying your taxes, right up until the death squad rolls through or the press gangs drag you away.”

      That’s right. Compare to your response to COVID. It is extremely difficult to find the break point where you should do something.

      • Lackadaisical

        The downside of being ‘proactive ‘ is that you might choose a moment that ISN’T a cataclysm.

      • Tundra

        *Millions of dead Cambodians wave hello”

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        Yugoslav Nightmares: If you want to know what a SHTF situation looks like. There is guy called Selco Begovic who lived through that and now makes a living as a survivalist trainer. I can’t vouch for his story/information.

        https://www.amazon.com/Yugoslav-Nightmares-Individuals-Dissolution-Yugoslavia/dp/B09ZCTWDP6/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

        Also the White Pill by Michael Malice if you want more horrific stories when the government is the enemy.

      • Lackadaisical

        Trump just got indicted for the nth time, probably time to pop off already.

      • Tundra

        Possibly. We’ll only know in hindsight.

        Also your comment about COVID is an uncomfortable truth. It was time to push back and virtually no one did.

      • R C Dean

        True, due in some (large?) part to the trust that most Americans had in their governments and associated institutions.

        That has been significantly reduced, which may change the dynamic next time.

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        If you look at something like The Troubles, it wasn’t one thing that started it, for either side. It was decades of of individual events that percipitated a siege mindset in both sides of the population. When a spark ignites things, such as Bloody Sunday, you still need something to fan the spark and build flames. If the gov’t had pulled a Waco during Covid, I think we would have seen that spark. But until and unless that happens, it will still be just a building of pressure.

      • Lackadaisical

        Well, we’ve definitely been building up pressure. Maybe it’s only when they actually put Trump in jail… Or maybe nothing will happen ever.

      • John Nerfherder

        Protest music is a thing.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Excellent article, thanks.

    • EvilSheldon

      She does go on a bit, but her overarching point is a valid one. It’s also a point that smart survivalists (I do enjoy the old names…) have been aware of for a long time.

      I’ve said for a while now, the primary area of concern for a survivalist should be setting up resilient communications networks with the like-minded.

      • John Nerfherder

        Determining who the like-minded actually are is the problem. It’s the same problem the mafia has.

        The feds are ubiquitous.

      • MikeS

        setting up resilient communications networks with the like-minded

        That’s an excellent point. Do you have general tips, or maybe a good book/website to point at for more on that? “Prepping” in one form or another has been on my mind a lot and I really need to look into it more.

      • MikeS

        And I don’t mean vetting who you can trust, I mean physically communicating if the typical systems are down.

      • EvilSheldon

        Start with Paul T. Martin’s The Prepared Citizens Guide. I think you can download a free PDF off his blog page.

        Specifically for communications, I’m working on my amateur radio license. I started with the ARRL Ham Radio License Manual 5th Ed., but there are tons of other good resources out there.

      • Tundra

        Thanks! Been messing around with some cheap radios and need to dive deeper.

      • MikeS

        Excellent info, ES. Thank you!

      • Drake

        Yes – make your neighbors into allies if you can.

      • Suthenboy

        Yep. Holing up with your supplies is a death sentence.

    • Drake

      It’s bullshit because of zombie movies?

      Some preparation will give me a lot more options for survival and protection if and when things go bad.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Money fixes everything

    Three influential groups of pediatricians and emergency medicine providers are pleading for more support and resources as the number of children and teenagers with mental health concerns overwhelm emergency departments nationwide.

    “The scope of this problem is really great,” said Dr. Mohsen Saidinejad, a professor of emergency medicine and pediatrics at the David Geffen School of Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles. “But our ability to solve it is not there.”

    ——-

    She said that the number of kids seeking psychiatric emergency care in her ER has grown from approximately 30 a month in recent years to 30 a day.

    “The volume is astronomical, and I don’t know that people fully understand how many people are struggling,” said Jenkins, who was not involved with the new policy statement.

    Jenkins said that children as young as six are coming in, often talking about suicide.

    “This crisis is only getting worse,” she said. “It’s not getting better.”

    The call for help comes as the number of children and teenagers with mental health problems skyrockets. A February study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, for example, found an “unprecedented level of hopelessness” and suicidal thoughts among the nation’s youth.

    “The bulk of these children are coming in with depression, anxiety and trauma,” Jenkins said.

    Where has this epidemic of mental trauma come from? No one knows. Our next inflation reduction bill should include a few hundred billion dollars for the insanity industrial complex. For the children.

    • invisible finger

      Had to laugh at the absurdity of “David Geffen School Of Medicine”.

      • Spartacus

        It’s right next to the Osama bin Laden School of International Relations.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        The Epstein Home for Wayward Girls.

    • The Other Kevin

      Nothing a few billion for gender affirming clinics won’t fix.

    • Lackadaisical

      ‘our ability to solve it is not there’

      Correct. The solution isn’t going to be found among the medical doctors.

    • R C Dean

      “But our ability to solve it is not there.”

      Indeed not. And more money won’t give you the tools to solve it.

      Because you aren’t trying to solve the mental health problems. You are trying, at best, to treat the symptoms.

    • Old Man With Candy

      I saw that this morning. Airline fucked up big time.

      • Sensei

        I’m assuming given the civil laws after you’ve asked the woman to move and she refuses you’ve satisfied the law in G-d’s eyes.

        You’ve got no choice but to sit next to her at that point. I notice he didn’t get off the flight.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of Lahaina, has anybody suggested bringing a floating hotel (aka cruise ship) into the harbor to house refugees?

    • Sensei

      You need a deep water port with the ability to run supplies to it.

      My quick Google only noted one – Kahului Harbor Maui

      No idea what kind of excess capacity it has.

    • kinnath

      You would have to fine a cruise that that is not already booked solid that is in an operating condition.

    • invisible finger

      Their houses burn down and you want to give them The Boats.

      • Zwak , “There is infinite amount of hope in the universe… just not for us.”

        Maybe Boaty McBoatface is free?

  15. The Late P Brooks

    You would have to fine a cruise that that is not already booked solid that is in an operating condition.

    My knowledge of the cruise industry is hardly encyclopedic, but I was under the impression that they are still operating below capacity because of the plague. You obviously don’t want the biggest and most luxurious flagship of the fleet. It seems as if there might be something available. Just idle curiosity more than anything.

  16. Spartacus

    You know, we should feed all of SF’s posts into ChatGPT and see what it can come up with for a story about presidents.

    • MikeS

      You’re sick!

      • Tundra

        Your

      • WTF

        Yore

      • Gender Traitor

        Ur

      • Not Adahn

        w0t?

    • WTF

      Are you trying to break it? Or just drive it insane?

      • Spartacus

        Yes.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Funny how the weirdest tattoo that freak has is his glasses. Why do that?

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        He wanted to look intellectual.

      • R.J.

        You wouldn’t hit a man with tattooed-on glasses, would you?

    • The Other Kevin

      Once you get about 10% of the face tattoos he has, you should check directly into prison.

    • WTF

      It is unclear what led up to the shooting.

      Uh, just look at him!

      • R.J.

        His girlfriend snored too loud?

  17. kinnath

    Three years ago, the Derecho rolled across Iowa leaving massive destruction in its wake (10 August 2020). My daughter was living in Cedar Rapids at the time. Most streets were impassible from downed trees. All electricity was lost. All telephone services were lost (no land lines, no cell phones).

    People were stranded in their homes with nothing but canned goods and dry goods. Anything requiring refrigeration was lost.

    No gasoline could be found in Cedar Rapids, and stations in nearby communities ran out of gas within days of the event.

    A handful of grocery stores managed to get reefer trucks running to keep perishables safe. But they could only handle cash transactions. No checks, no credit cards.

    It took weeks to get electricity running to the whole city. And cell service was spotty for months afterwards.

    What didn’t happen was street gangs rampaging through the devastation steeling whatever they could get their hands on. However, the Derecho was localized, and recovery was certain even if it was going to take awhile.

    Prepping for natural disaster is one thing. Prepping for the collapse of civil society is another. There is a union in that Venn diagram, and the smart prepper will take note.

    • MikeS

      ☝🏻

    • EvilSheldon

      Yep.

      Another critical consideration – stay mobile, stay flush.

    • Suthenboy

      Same here with laura.

      I keep chainsaw, gas (cars topped off, six – six gal cans) , bar oil and two cycle oil. Canned food, dried food, cases of water for drinking, hot tub and rain barrels for water, 7 five gal propane tanks and fancy gas camping stove, meds ant first aid, lights and ton of batteries, battery radio….shall i go on?
      We did pretty well after laura. After roads cleared everyone else took off. We sat on porch eating canned mandarin oranges and watched them go.

      • kinnath

        You have experience with hurricanes. We have tornados. Even the bad ones are “localized”. The derecho was basically a straight-line hurricane 50 miles wide and couple hundred miles long. Iowans don’t get that level of destruction.

        My daughter is an avid camper. She had plenty of gear to keep her OK until things came back online. But I expect she learned a lesson about paying for everything down to a cup of coffee with a card.

      • EvilSheldon

        My #1 prepper supply is the five grand in small bills locked in my gun safe.

      • kinnath

        I have a thousand in a mix of 100s and 20s. This is to handle the derecho-type event we had a few years ago.

        Is should start stocking on small bill too.

        And I have junk silver and some gold too.

      • R C Dean

        Same concept here.

        Also, some gold and silver coins. For more of a TEOTWAWKI scenario, but you never know, a collapse of the banking system might also make them useful.

        We’ll be OK for water – we have a natural water source less than a mile away and water filters. Food will be the challenge. Even a couple weeks worth of freeze-dried survival chow or MREs or whatever could make a big difference. I should probably just buy some.

        One of the things about Tucson is, we don’t get natural disasters (except wildfires, which are more “evacuate or die” if they get close enough). The disaster to prep for here is more social unrest/collapse.

      • Suthenboy

        Buy galvanized trash cans ( keeps out vermin).
        Store rice, beans, pasta, sugar, flour and cornmeal in them. The lids can be extra sealed with duct tape.
        Store canned goods on shelves. Check exp dates when you buy, rotate as you eat and replace.
        Dont go crazy, just buy cans by the case and extra other stuff each time you shop.

        *i have one can devoted to coffee and coffee supplies.

      • Lackadaisical

        My wife is allergic to keeping supplies on hand, despite having a high risk of hurricane. Canned goods end up donated etc.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    You’re just not hitting it hard enough

    “Especially in the United States, most TV news reports on the ferocious heat and other weather extremes afflicting millions of people this summer have not even mentioned the words ‘climate change,’” Hertsgaard said. “The science is unequivocal on that connection and leaving it out leaves audiences not just uninformed but misinformed.”

    The unprecedented wind-whipped wildfire that devastated the island of Maui last week, killing more than 100 people, has received high volumes of attention from major media outlets, which have gone to remarkable lengths to gather reporting from the scene. But, according to research from the progressive watchdog Media Matters, only 4% of television news segments about the disaster, during a two-day period starting on August 9, tied the catastrophe to climate change.

    More alarmingly, perhaps, of the only eight segments that mentioned climate change during this particular window on television, all of them came from CNN and MSNBC. CNN mentioned climate change three times and MSNBC five times, according to Media Matters. ABC News, CBS News, and NBC News did not tie the fires to climate change in any of the 35 segments that aired. (Of course, it’s worth noting that many of these outlets have been drawing this connection on their digital platforms.)

    Michael Mann, the presidential distinguished professor in the Department of Earth and Environmental Science at the University of Pennsylvania, told Reliable Sources that he fears news organizations do not cover the climate crisis enough, outside extreme weather events.

    Global warming? Climate crisis? Never heard of it.

    • Fatty Bolger

      The science is unequivocal on that connection

      Anybody who says that is unequivocally a liar.

      • Suthenboy

        You beat me to it.

    • Timeloose

      “You need to be sure to always shill for climate change; it helps me, my research funding, and gives me some small semblance of fame.” “Plus, little Mike gets to come out and play when ever I’m on TV.”

    • Old Man With Candy

      I thought Mann was at Penn State? If he’s actually at UP, I’m pulling that off my CV.

      • Old Man With Candy

        OK, Penn comes off my resume. That’s embarrassing.

      • Not Adahn

        But just think about the fedbux he can bring in!

      • rhywun

        They’re proud of it. LOL.

      • Timeloose

        Well now Sandusky can claim to be the second worst ex-Penn State employee right after Mann and right before the guy that was sexing up his dog in the woods.

    • rhywun

      LOL they’re quoting that fraud? JFC.

      Never change, CNN.

    • Nephilium

      /remembers dire article in local rag talking about the nice summer that was not so nice because CLIMATE CHANGE is going to doom us in the next several years

      • R C Dean

        Funny, I also seem to recall a drumbeat of climate change references during the summer.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    My take on “prepper”-ing.

    Any plan involving isolated self sufficiency is doomed.

    For no particular reason, I was thinking about this the other day. People are problem solvers and innovators and co-operators. Division of labor is real. If your “plan” involves hiding in an underground bunker and living on dried rice and beans, you might as well just blow your fucking brains out and get it over with.

      • kinnath

        I read that as “don’t live in a city”.

        But I am biased.

      • Lackadaisical

        Kind of about how I expected, though the idea of just taking down some random trees for firewood is surprising.

      • Lackadaisical

        I would have loved to hear what he was trading people for food or whatever he needed to trade for.

    • Drake

      In some ways it wouldn’t be much different than early frontier life. Was Cooper’s novels where the characters would start shouting greetings from a distance when they approached a settlement so they wouldn’t be mistaken for raiding Indians and shot?

      Very dependant communities – work and sleep based on a lot of things like security, weather, and seasons.

    • R C Dean

      If that’s your whole plan, yeah. But having the ability to feed yourself and keep yourself warm and dry strikes me as valuable in a lot of scenarios.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      But would that enable him to fight off STEVE SMITH?

      • John Nerfherder

        *checks ass armor*

        hmmmm…..

      • The Other Kevin

        They don’t make steel plates that thick.

    • Timeloose

      Did they expect a bear to throw him off a cliff or hit him with a Econoline?

    • Not Adahn

      He took an Ewok trap to the face. Give that man an Imperial contract.

  20. John Nerfherder

    Fitch is so full of shit. They’re downgrading all sorts of US banks including JP Morgan Chase.

    But they haven’t said a word about European banks which are far, far worse off.

    This is obviously being done at the behest of those who want to prop up Europe at the expense of the US.

    • Sensei

      It’s likely because they are siloed.

      If the US team can push it through they will. It will be up to Europe to make the same push or the senior management to push it through on the European end.

      Everybody has their own fiefdom.

      • John Nerfherder

        I cannot believe it’s happening in a political vacuum. There’s simply too much at stake.

        Particularly when the Bund is slamming hard against the ceiling that LaGarde has obviously set for it.

        https://www.cnbc.com/quotes/DE10Y-DE

      • Sensei

        You are aware of the rating agency revenue model, right?

        Issuers pay for their own ratings. For most issuers you can get along with two agencies or sometimes just one.

      • Drake

        And we’re the serfs.

      • Tundra

        Serf’s up?

    • Suthenboy

      “…at the expense of the US.”

      So, SOP for the world, yet they hate us passionately. We also have plenty of dunces who want to be more like Europe.
      My father was elected as an elector unanimously by standing up at the Louisiana Rep state caucus. He stood up and said “I have worked in many countries all over the world and paid taxes in those countries, lived under their political systems. I have zero patience for people that dont like America.

  21. Shirley Knott

    Apologies for derailing the various discussions. As some of you know my lengthy absence was due in part to serious illness befalling two of my oldest friends.
    To my dismay, I must report the oldest (would have been 54 years next month) died this morning of advanced cancer. I am bereft, devastated, and filled with grief. We took our first acid trips together. We played music together, and introduced each other to books and music we otherwise would not have known.
    I shall likely be MIA for a bit, although you bunch of misfits are excellent company and a good distraction from great grief. For which I thank you, deeply and sincerely.

    • Tundra

      I’m very sorry for your loss, SK.

      You and your pals will be in my prayers.

    • kinnath

      Take care of yourself.

    • Sensei

      Sorry for your loss.

      We will all be here when you are ready again.

    • Gender Traitor

      I’m so sorry, Shirley! ::hug::

    • MikeS

      Damn. Take care, Shirley.

    • Timeloose

      I’m sorry SK. Take care of yourself.

    • Nephilium

      Sorry for your loss.

      “Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased—thus do we refute entropy.” Stated another way: “Just as there are Laws of Conservation of Matter and Energy, so there are in fact Laws of Conservation of Pain and Joy. Neither can ever be created or destroyed. But one can be converted into the other.”

  22. DrOtto

    Talked to a buddy of mine who went to the Dr. Monday for an enlarged lung and possibly heart issues. Me “What, did you just get a Covid booster?” Him “as a matter fact, Covid and flu.” Me, somewhat incredulously “You’re still buying that shit?” Him “probably not anymore after this.”

    • Tundra

      That’s depressing.

    • kinnath

      Do your trust Dr. Monday?

    • Lackadaisical

      People’s avarice and pride know no bounds.

      Hope your friend is feeling better soon.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    An attorney for the Marion County Record, Bernie Rhodes, told CNN the local prosecutor has agreed to withdraw a search warrant executed on the newspaper Friday and will return all seized items, answering demands of press freedom advocates who sharply condemned the police action.

    These press freedom advocacy fucks are the very same people clapping like gleeful trained seals at the Trump indictments and the thumb-on-the-scales burden of proof requirements imposed on him.

    • Lackadaisical

      Yup, the old ACLU ploy. Pretend to be for something until you get your freedoms and then try to pull the rug out from everyone else.

    • Spartacus

      Yes, now that they have made backup copies of everything, and probably corrupted all the media, they will return all the stuff they took in their invasion.