Sunday Morning Jokes and Rumors and Links

by | Sep 24, 2023 | Daily Links | 121 comments

Went to a comedy show in Rochester with soon-to-be-renamed NPR Lady last night. The headliner’s a local guy on a national tour, so our little village got a few shout outs. He’s a firm Progressive, but in his defense, he had his show at our university shut down after 5 minutes by a highly unamused vice president. So he’s not all bad. Here’s a clip of him going very local. Much local news here anyway: apparently, we’re finally going to get our one traffic light (which was taken down a couple months ago) back in December. This is a great relief because the second biggest celebration of the year here is the “birthday” of our light, the one thing which elevated us to the status of an actual big city.

Status update: after reviewing the suggestions for her rebranding, NPR Lady liked Tomb Raider the best. So… I am now retiring her old handle in favor of this one. “I like it because it’s more insulting to you than to me.” There’s a reason I’m with this woman.

Speaking of status, there’s birthdays. Today’s include an incredibly appropriately named guy; a true sweetie; the bane of high school English students; a guy who deserves your claps; the guy who put MNDO, CNDO, and the other dwarfs into my college-age brain; an aviator who flew high; the guy who spoke the most quoted and memorable phrase in sports history; the best tight end I ever saw play; a worse singer than Yoko Ono; and a guy who was even more foolish about marrying than I was (speaking of my first two wives, not the beloved and glorious SP).

On to Links.

 

…the premise being, “We need more regulations.”

 

And they STILL drove better than 99% of Floridians.

 

One more clue that the LP is just a clown show.

 

“We just have to do a better job of explaining things to those moron voters.”

 

Note the careful avoidance of the uncomfortable fact that the vast majority of current antisemitism is from the Left. Still, I’m delighted that I’ll have more people to talk to.

 

You have to do a lot of scrolling before you find out she’s a warmonger. Still, would.

 

And a roundup of news commentary from Bizarro World. The last sentence is particularly hilarious.

 

You just can’t listen to Cajun music and feel sad. This puts a bounce in the Old Man’s ass on a cool Sunday morning.

About The Author

Old Man With Candy

Old Man With Candy

Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me. Wait, wrong book, I'll find something else.

121 Comments

  1. Suthenboy

    Sean’s link from dead thread: The spark that ignited the American Revolution was struck when the British attempted to seize the magazine in Boston so we do have a tradition regarding ammunition but it is not what the slavers want it to be. Just like all of their other justifications it is invented out of thin air.

    Amendment V – No person shall be held to answer for… nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; …

    ^The only legal gun control law^
    If a person is proven to be dangerous then convict them of a felony and deprive them of their gun rights. Otherwise, fuck off.

    “Who you ask, are the militia? They are the body of the people, every person capable of bearing arms.” – James Madison clarifying the meaning of the Amendment that he and George Mason wrote. All of the gun grabbers laws and the sophistry justifying them are not laws at all. What they are are criminal acts committed by the state.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I wish to subscribe to your newsletter (again).

  2. SDF-7

    Status update: after reviewing the suggestions for her rebranding, NPR Lady liked Tomb Raider the best.

    Hmmm… I don’t really get it. Is she so well endowed she’ll take your eye out if she turns too fast? Prefers dual wielding chrome pistols? Really good at back flips? Or is the joke that you’re a bit of a crypt keeper and she’s reverse cradle robbing?

    In either event, morning — enjoy the return of the traffic light when it happens, thanks for the links.

    • Old Man With Candy

      More of “he’s so old that it’s like raiding a tomb.”

      • SDF-7

        Gotcha. Thanks.

      • DrOtto

        So you need to go with Womb Raider now.

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM

        That’s it. Shut comments down for the day. DrOtto just won.

      • Mojeaux

        I snort-lol’d.

  3. SDF-7

    …the premise being, “We need more regulations.”

    … if it is still moving, regulate it until it stops… then subsidize it….

  4. Tres Cool

    whaddup doh’

    Current titty status: calm

    • Chafed

      Yours or Jugsy’s?

  5. Stinky Wizzleteats

    To be fair, Kennedy’s a bit more Libertarian than Bill Weld but the LP should push a serious Mises caucus type, not a guy who’s good on vaccines and war and the deep state and little else. Push someone who’s into the ideas and can communicate them because the idea of a Libertarian actually winning the Presidency is pure fucking fantasy.

    • RBS

      “a serious Mises caucus type”

      LOL

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        There’s got to be one somewhere, right?

      • juris imprudent

        The LP will sink back down into even greater obscurity. The message doesn’t resonate with the masses. As much of a clownshow as the party is, at least most people in it seem to grasp that and hence the temptation to find a messenger that might make the message more appealing. Except of course for the True Believers.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Don’t you think a messenger who doesn’t buy the message is counterproductive?

      • juris imprudent

        Jerry Falwell was really a great preacher, if you were at all inclined to buy into what he was preaching. But he wasn’t going to bring me into the fold.

        The LP won’t ever be a major party because there is no groundswell of support within the American public for that message. Sure, it appeals to us oddballs, but not to people who are so quick to fall back on “hey buddy, stop doing that”.

      • Don escaped Texas

        80% of Americans have no interest in freedom: They want to force you to accept their creed, and they think elections are the game you win to allow you to assert your creed over the losers. After winning the throne, they get to tell you what to do and what you can’t do. Because that’s what America was meant to be, apparently, that’s why we revolted from that nasty George III. It’s just so clear.

        Oh, and I’ll take a third of your income there to pay for a bunch of shit you don’t want….thanks.

      • Chafed

        Did you write Gavin Newsom’s textbooks?

      • juris imprudent

        Newsom is just another Falwell – greasy preacher of a different gospel.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        The LP should stop tilting at windmills, and put its efforts into productive, liberty increasing actions. As JI says, they just don’t appeal to that many people, ’cause most people like being on the gov’t tit, to a certain degree. And until you have a better answer to that (hint, you don’t) they aren’t going to leave that.

        It’s like gov’t shutdowns. Most people hate them, because they love the services the feds provide. And it is always the R’s who do it, so they lose on that issue. Or abortion. People might not want them, but they want the option, hence they will break to one side of the aisle on it.

        No, after DEG confirmed what I thought, the LP needs to do the same nationally as they did in NH, move the more liberty oriented party further that direction, and move work to move the concept of liberty to the forefront of the national discourse. Stop with the JoJo’s, the Welds, but keep pushing on Freedom of Speech, Private Property rights, Gun Rights, etc. Moving to get a fairly large voting block to go for a liberty candidate, of either party, is the key to LP success.

      • Fourscore

        Glibs getting ready to take over the Libertarian Party. We already have a party symbol. The coup of all coups. Biggest problem is finding someone to be in charge.

        Another good idea lost to reality.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And it is always the R’s who do it, so they lose on that issue. Or abortion. People might not want them, but they want the option, hence they will break to one side of the aisle on it.

        The R’s lose after the successful propagandizing by the state and media (and the RINOs/RepE). I’m sure hedonism will still win out for a number of reasons, but if the media was just as aggressive as showing what abortion entails, the support wouldn’t be quite as much.

        Same with the Washington Monument strategy. Not just shut down government but spend more money to deny access to open public land and similar.

  6. Rat on a train

    It is bizarre reading people warn that Trump could start WWIII while cheering on Biden sending advanced weapons to Ukraine.

    • juris imprudent

      It will be a good WWIII if Biden does it, and a bad WWIII if Trump does. See? Simple.

    • Brochettaward

      It isn’t weird. The establishment has been doing this since 2016. Hillary was going to set up a no-fly zone in Syria.

      • Rat on a train

        They know what is in people’s best interest and are willing to enforce it both home and abroad.

      • Grosspatzer

        Hillary accusing someone of projection is the most meta thing I wlii read today.

      • prolefeed

        The entire article is, of course, Clinton projecting.

        That’s not meta, that’s chutzpah.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Two bullets in the back of the head suicide chutzpah.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      WW3 caused by Trump would be hateful. WW3 caused by Biden is just caused by loving people too much. He’s so empathetic.

      • EvilSheldon

        It never ceases to piss me off, the people who confuse ‘empathy’ with ‘being nice’…

  7. SDF-7

    You have to do a lot of scrolling before you find out she’s a warmonger. Still, would.

    They give you a hint right up at the top:

    favors robust aid to Ukraine.

    • EvilSheldon

      That’s not a hint, that’s giving the entire game away.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Basically, she is a D approved R.

        Fuck that shit.

      • prolefeed

        Better than the D approved D she replaced, who was a reliable vote for whatever the Ds advanced.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Point.

  8. SDF-7

    And a roundup of news commentary from Bizarro World. The last sentence is particularly hilarious.

    Hell, the second sentence made me tap out:

    while U.S. Republicans are still not acting in their country’s interests.

    That’s a solid “Oh, fuck off!” right there. Maybe they just disagree on what’s in the country’s interest, asshole. Maybe draining the wallets of (at this point) our great-grandchildren to play World Police doesn’t seem like the best of ideas. Maybe they’re actually listening to their constituents, which is their entire fucking job, not cozying up to the UN One World Government wannabes.

    Ack. Pbbbt (bring back the Meadow Party in ’24!)

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      But big daddy Soroschwab knows what is best!

  9. juris imprudent

    “light on policy and heavy on performance”

    Quintessential Politico right there.

  10. Ted S.

    the bane of high school English students;

    Happy birthday JD Salinger!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Catcher in the Rye was the only book assigned in HS that I tapped out on and bought CliffsNotes for. Ugh…

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Weird, I really liked that book.

      • Beau Knott

        De gustibus…

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I did too. Kid’s been sent to a mental hospital, for crap’s sake.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Just awful garbage. Really too bad when there’s so much better.

  11. Suthenboy

    1. the FedGov is so far out of their lane that I dont consider it legitimate. We had a deal and they break it in so many ways I cant list them all.

    2. I would make a joke about ‘those darned kids today’ but in this case…
    We have an endemic problem with our children. Parents are to blame but sadly the children are paying the heavy cost of it. If every kid wins a prize these ones sure got one, just not the one they wanted.

    3. It always has been and we all know it.

    4. Pushing too hard too fast towards Utopia. Despite them dropping the mask a sizable number of people still won’t see it.

    5. Jews have always been a favorite bugaboo of the left. All projection, all of the time with those cockroaches.

    6. Another Neocon. Jeebus I hate them. Not on the same level of hate I have for the left but not far off.

    Withdraw from the UN, give all of the members 24hrs to leave the country and implement Trump’s idea of turning the building into living spaces for NYkers.

    • SDF-7

      Keep it international, give it over to the illegal aliens coming into New York. Seems appropriate.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Withdrawing wouldn’t change anything really. It would allow them to (finally) act against us entirely. See how the UN came to be in charge of one side of the Korean War or how it’s being used against Russia now. Defang it, defund it, and shut down the bureaucracy. Skinsuit it and wear it as a trophy.

  12. Ted S.

    a guy who deserves your claps;

    Happy birthday Paul Ehrlich?

    (Yeah, I know, wrong disease)

    • Ted S.

      It was either that or, Happy birthday Pia Zadora?

  13. I. B. McGinty

    Happy Birthday Dick Bong! Been over that bridge a few times.

    • Old Man With Candy

      The sign on I-94 saying “Bong Recreation Area” never failed to crack me up.

      • SDF-7

        I suppose if they labeled it “Dick Recreation Area” people would just think “Oh, another state park” and all.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        While I do like occasional dick recreation in a park, at my age the bedroom is a little more accommodating.

      • Grosspatzer

        30th birthday in Donaldson Park… Thanks for the memories.

      • I. B. McGinty

        I mean if the sign says it, might as well fire it up.

      • R C Dean

        I recall reading, back when I lived in Madison, that Bong Recreation Area signs were constantly being stolen.

      • PudPaisley

        I can confirm. I grew up there and the sign was missing half the time. Also seen lots of vehicles pulled over and taking group photos by the sign, especially when Alpine Valley had a concert.

  14. LCDR_Fish

    Dick Bong was an absolute king. Read about him a few times years ago – should probably revisit.

  15. Richard

    Dear TPTB,

    I have an article pending. Schedule it for when you will but I’ll be traveling Tuesday and won’t be around to answer questions and take abuse for the noon (EDT) slot.

    • Fourscore

      Thanks for your HH contributions.. Some Glibs are enjoying it on their pancakes this morning, a couple missed out.

      • Richard

        You’re welcome! There’s always more where that came from. Maybe next year I’ll deliver it in person.

  16. LCDR_Fish

    Rain from Ophelia finally stopped here – so after church and groceries, ill probably walk downtown for lunch and a couple beers. Speaking of which, 3 Notch’d has a great guava gose this year. Will probably buy another 6 pack if it’s still in stock at food lion.

    • Rat on a train

      It was a rough landing at Reagan yesterday. Other than that it wasn’t as bad as summer thunderstorms.

  17. Rat on a train

    I hate street names in the SLC area. “It’s at the intersection of W 5600 S and S 1900 W”?!?

    • juris imprudent

      But, but, but, the grid is so perfectly engineered!?!

    • Chafed

      That’s confusing.

    • slumbrew

      Surely it can’t be worse than DC?

  18. Tonio

    In a June interview with the libertarian magazine Reason, Mr. Kennedy acknowledged his ideological disagreements with the party — including on issues like environmental protection, abortion and civil rights — while also saying, “I’ve always been aligned with libertarians on most issues.”

    That seems to conflate civil rights, which libertarians are all about, with other things. My guess is free stuff and discrimination.

      • Chafed

        Fuck FDR. Can you imagine where we would be now if that passed?

    • creech

      I think Kennedy is talking about “privileges” and not “rights.”

  19. EvilSheldon

    Good…morning, I guess?

    I didn’t even crack open the scotch last night, why am I crawling out of bed at 10am? I think I need a new mattress or something…

      • Name's BEAM. James BEAM

        Great mattresses.

        First Tempurpedic we bought cured the Spousal Unit’s carpal tunnel by revealing that it wasn’t CT at all, but rather an over-compressed brachioradial from sleeping on her side on a “regular” mattress.

        We need a new one.

      • EvilSheldon

        I have a knockoff TempurPedic now. It’s old, though.

        I dig spending money on something I’m gonna use every day, but I don’t know if I can drop five grand on the real deal…

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I like the $500 (Q) Costco memory-foam mattress just fine.

    • KSuellington

      The Tempur Cloud is just under 1700 for a King, less for a Queen size. Absolutely worth it in my opinion, we love ours.

  20. Tundra

    Good morning, Old Man!

    One more clue that the LP is just a clown show.

    What? You don’t think a ban on fracking is a solid libertarian position?

    He’s a douche. So, perfect for the LP.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    In one of the few truly positive events associated with the UN meeting, President Biden’s speech to the General Assembly reminded observers of the benefits of having a leader who is deeply experienced in international affairs, committed to the rule of law worldwide, and a deeply moral man.

    Daily Beast- another nuthouse with typewriters.

    • SDF-7

      My thought on that sentence: “Now we just need to find such a man.”

    • Grosspatzer

      a leader who is deeply experienced in international affairs,

      Where have you gone, Benjamin Franklin?

      • Don escaped Texas

        +1 John Quincy Adams

    • Chafed

      I must be living in Bizarro world because that’s the opposite of the Biden I know.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    I feel obligated to say Ohio State had better not get too uppity over that “win” last night. I almost turned it off. Notre Dame spent the second half grinding them them up like cheap bologna.

    • creech

      No “luck of the Irish” yesterday.

    • Don escaped Texas

      I loved it: two of the greatest programs ever in a great strugglefest, pretty much the way football was meant to be played. The cow college standard bearer for one of the two states (OH and MI) that brought America into the 20th century banging away at an odd, remote, scholarly, religious, self-reliant institution that doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about anything but hey we like these pointy balls is exactly the kind of tension this SEC boy respects. Football is a mess; our institutions are a mess; I’ve been let down and embarrassed a thousand ways by cultural standards including those in football over the past half century, but hitting your tight end in the flat as a blitz crashes in on you is still an art; I still want to see it. I can smell sweet gums turning yellow, girls are cheering, I can forget about everything and just be in the moment of something.

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      So, No Trade Dame vs. Lowhio, and that is supposed to be a good game? Whatevs. The real action was WSU vs. OSU, the battle for the heart of the PAC2.

      • juris imprudent

        I kinda liked Oregon derailing the Colorado hype train.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Outmoded global governance is the trouble

    Lavrov would not have been the first this week to argue that outdated global governance structures are hampering momentum toward climate and economic justice. But his focus was on Ukraine’s Western backers and NATO – a mutual defense organization formed in the aftermath of World War II to defend Western nations from the Soviet Union.

    As Russia’s war in Ukraine grinds on and Western allies continue to funnel military assistance to Kyiv, Lavrov warned on Saturday that he considered the US and UK and others to be “directly at war with us.”

    “We can call this a hybrid war but that doesn’t change the reality,” Lavrov told journalists, adding, “They are effectively engaged in hostilities with us using the Ukrainians as fodder.”

    Bring on the global socialist dictatorship. Only then will democracy and justice prevail.

  24. PieInTheSky

    A cradt beer pub has this as a special

    https://untappd.com/b/to-ol-mash-test-yummies/4773603

    And it is still 33C so no kind of weather for such beer… but they will be out by the time cool weather comes. Not my style anyway but would have tried it were it colder

    • PieInTheSky

      Also peach valnilla coconut milkshake ddh ipa sounds like a parody of craft brewing

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Glorious glorious victory

    The landmark Washington National Cathedral unveiled new stained-glass windows Saturday with a theme of racial justice, filling the space that had once held four windows honoring Confederate Gens. Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson.

    The new windows depict a march for justice by African Americans, descendants of the very people who would have remained in slavery after the Civil War if the side for which the officers fought had prevailed.

    The cathedral had removed the old windows after Confederate symbols featured prominently in recent racist violence.

    The dedication service was attended by many clergy from the Washington area’s historically Black churches, as well as leaders of social justice organizations. The prayers, Bible readings and brief speeches were interspersed with gospel music and spirituals, as well as the contemporary song, “Heal Our Land.”

    Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, the first Black woman to serve on the Supreme Court, read excerpts from the Rev. Martin Luther King’ Jr.’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail” from 1963.

    “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere,” she read from King’s famed message while jailed in Alabama. “The goal of America is freedom. … We will win our freedom.” A week earlier, she had spoken at the 60th anniversary of Birmingham church bombing that killed four young Black girls.

    That’s it then. Racial strife is no more.

    • PieInTheSky

      Cancel all racial activism then

    • Mojeaux

      Maybe his inner racist feels no shame.

      • Chafed

        He is definitely shameless.

    • KSuellington

      Within the next month or two I would imagine we will see Joe make an announcement that he is graciously handing over the leadership of the party to Greasy Gav. They are going to frame it as Kamala having a dweam ever since she was a little girl about being a Supreme Court Justice and Gav is going to promise to nominate her if he wins.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Not going to happen. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Kamalamadingdong can taste the presidency and if Pudin’ Head steps down, it is hers. A possible SCOTUS nom? Talk about shitting in one hand while wishing in the other.

      • KSuellington

        I predicted back in 2017 that Kammie would be the nominee for VP, at that point I couldn’t say if the Dems would win it. That’s as high as she goes. Maybe it’ll be a 50 million dollar Netflix deal, maybe a SC promise, maybe something we can only guess at, but she won’t be the nominee against Trump. If anything besides GG, they will Weekend at Bernie’s Joe until shortly after the inauguration and then let her slide in. They won’t try and run her versus Trump, she’d handily lose, even with fortification.

    • Chafed

      That can’t be right. The Daily Beast told me he is deeply moral.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    The cathedral has accompanied the window replacement with a number of public forums discussing the legacy of racism and how monuments were used to burnish the image of the Confederacy as a noble “Lost Cause.”

    The new windows will also be accompanied by a poem by scholar Elizabeth Alexander, president of the Mellon Foundation. The poem “American Song” will be engraved beneath the windows.

    Just in case the pig ignorant hicks try to evade the burning truth of our narrative.

  27. KK, Non-Man

    Got bombarded by my boundaryless neighbor late last night. It was like a tsunami of words coming at me. Or, like, 1000 gatling guns loaded with words.

    The introverts know what I’m talking about.

    • PieInTheSky

      Sounds kinky

  28. Brochettaward

    Some vile seconders have taken to calling Firsting a form of rape. The insemination that occurs when one reads a First is entirely willing, and you can’t rape the willing. No one has ever said I don’t want to be inseminated by one of my Firsts.

    • KK, Non-Man

      popcorn dot gif

  29. Tundra

    This has to be sanctioned by leadership.

    I just can’t figure our what they think is gonna happen. Drive everyone away, crash property values and then crack down and swoop back in?

    Fucking nightmare.

    • Fourscore

      Did they get any Large-Talls? Just askin’

    • Chafed

      This is the reality of the true believers. They will ignore everything around them until it becomes impossible to ignore it.

      • juris imprudent

        The true believers will just ignore harder.

    • Chafed

      That’s just crazy enough to be true.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Only legitimate politicians considered

    To get on stage, candidates need to have 50,000 individual donors and hit 3 percent in a handful of polls that meet the Republican National Committee’s methodological requirements.

    Burgum’s campaign has said he has already met the donor mark, and he appears to have met the polling mark on Saturday when the Trafalgar Group — a GOP-aligned pollster — released a survey that had him at 3 percent nationally. He previously hit 3 percent in a Trafalgar survey in Iowa in August, and 4 percent in an New Hampshire survey from InsiderAdvantage, another conservative polling outlet, earlier this week.

    No candidate’s participation is official until confirmed by the RNC.

    No riffraff or crackpots, please.

    I actually aw a Burgum ad on local teevee last weekend during a football game.

    • Grosspatzer

      Isn’t Burgum a type of wheat used as a meat substitute?

  31. EvilSheldon

    For all my Staccato-carrying brothers and sisters, Henry Holsters has released a very nice AIWB rig for the Staccato P, XC, and C2. It’s interchangeable right- or left-handed, integrated thumb safety shrouds, comes with a ModWing and DCC clips right out of the box, and it’s in stock right now. If you have a Staccato, check it out.