This is not a version of “Subaru Horror Theater”, as I don’t do fiction. This is just me hating on all variety of obnoxious, poorly-cast, poorly-written, or useless commercials I see during my extensive TV-watching.
I first came up with this idea when I saw this commercial (TW: Facederp – only place I could find it).
- The overall warmth of this commercial is ice-cold. Yes, ice cream is cold, but they’re clearly going for a “good times with family” vibe here, and failing miserably. This commercial did not come out during the ‘Vid times, so the “gramma” on the tablet screen is unnecessary and creates an impersonal vibe.
These kids…oy vey. I don’t blame them, I blame the casting agent or ice cream executive that desperately wanted his or her grandkids to get into acting. The little girl seems to have on winged eyeliner? She’s, like, 4! And the demonic look she gives the boy – did they not have a better take for “look lovingly at your fake brother”? These kids also can’t seem to decide which one is supposed to be playing the part of “Hayden”.- And what the hell is with the casting of this “gramma”? She looks and talks more like your worst nightmare Karen HR executive than a warm and loving grandparent.
- Where the fuck is “mom”? Is she in bed with a “sick headache” (i.e. hangover) and eating bons bons while watching true crime (probably shows about mothers who murder their children)?
- That sundae looks disgusting.
~Finis~
Liberty, Liberty, Liberty.
Liberty.
Liberty bibberty.
The annoying Liberty Mutual guy drives a 72 Plymouth Gold Duster.
I had one.
Man I hate those commercials. Blatant ripoff of a commercial series, Flo, that have gone on waaaaay to long themselves.
I like them.
I like the guy, and the bird. 🤷🏻♂️
“Sprinkles are for winners.”—Flo
I join in the hate of the Liberty ads. They’re the equivalent of a grade school production in terms of writing.
They used to be clever, droll and good, years ago. But, they changed ad agencies or everyone had a stroke, so now we’re left with banal idiocy.
(I watch too much FreeVee for Top Gear and Modern Marvels, so I see these ads far too much.)
Yeah, I had a ’74 Duster with a 318 V8 and 14″ Mopar ralley rims. I loved that car. Got totalled by a woman putting on makeup in an offset head on collision.
It could be worse. Much, much worse.
I knew we could count on you.
[gaks]
https://youtu.be/Aromts0OiHs
*lights the Tres signal*
LOL I kind of knew that was coming.
Or this
There are so many of them but Sean’s is the peak of that.
That woman is downright scary.
I played https://squaredle.com/?puzzle=otherworldly:
499/499 words (+222 bonus words)
📖 In the top 45% by bonus words
lol holy shit. That’s the one you mentioned the other day?
I’m working on the medical one now. I’m afraid of the nutsier ones.
I played https://squaredle.com/?puzzle=medical:
87/211 words (+31 bonus words)
Nice! Still working on it here.
Not to sound like a nazi, but people who sing about type 2 diabetes medication should be rounded into camps and exterminated.
Brimley shopped in Dad’s store and was entirely approachable and friendly
Don’t think he sang though.
Solid rapper though
I love that video.
+ the “diabeetus” was a pre-Internet meme that lasts
A friend has met him at horror movie festivals, said he was wonderful and a stand up guy.
Not surprising. He just seemed that way.
Now the Postmaster General…
My favorite Brimley scene
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btqBJJF2yvE&t=8s
The overhead shot on that commercial is fucking terrible (and hilarious). She looks like the groundhog from Caddy Shack would look if filmed from overhead.
Those side effects might stop Tres from taking a run at her.
Blue Bell is from Brenham, TX, as was Don Imus.
The listeria problem was at the plant in OK, which I will again remind is the state given to the natives so that the white man could keep MS.
Oh, ‘K.
There are so many commercials way worse than this. As a TV junkie, I’ve seen them all.
I’ve mentioned a few over the years but they tend to not get any shelf space in my brain.
Good job on the concept for the article, and on the critique. These will be fun.
We’re one of those smug “no TV” houses, so I don’t see any commercials, but you’re right – this one looks like plain malice from the Marketing department. Or like they had a local contest where a high school media team got to do the whole thing, and were too far committed to back out.
This isn’t a regular commercial, but it is an exceptionally cheesy promotional film. It’s like Triumph of the Will, but for an all-you-can-eat buffet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3YGtQ40Qvs
The wife and I once caught a commercial, oh, must have been around ’07, and it was for a new, taste treat featuring a variety of nuts: cashews, walnuts, what have you.
And the catchline was, wait for it, “A Great Nut Snack!” Yeah, say it out loud to your wife or husband.
Yeah, never saw them in stores, never saw that commercial again, but they did show up at the Grocery Outlet, having never made it to prime time.
walnuts
walnut and Wales are cognate, meaning, respectively, foreign nut and foreigners
Nut and nucleus are also related, sort of like corn and kernel.
***
In slang, nut also meant “fashionable or showy young man of affected elegance” [OED], 1904, and in the 1910s was the male counterpart to a flapper.
***
A better nut commercial
https://youtu.be/4O-SX_W0lrQ
The utterly phony facial expressions in this ad campaign are obnoxious.
I didn’t see any chemistry between the husband and wife either. Soul mate, my ass
I have no problem with this one. It’s obviously silly.
But the “no chemistry” thing is a recent pet peeve of mine. To achieve woke, they’re always throwing together random races and ages and shit and there’s never any “chemistry”. And every white college kid has a cool black friend with short spiky dreads. 🙄
I only see commercials at the bowling alley, where they’re on mute. I tried to spot any hetero white couples, and exactly zero showed up.
I miss bowling. I wonder if there is an alley around here.
All the alleys in NYC were converted to hook up joints.
There probably is. If I recall where you moved to I found a few in the area, but I’ve never bowled at any of them, so I can’t speak to their quality.
I called the Medicare Coverage Hotline because everyone who’s worth $20M worries about whether he can afford a stack of co-pays
GAHHHH! There are multiples of this genre that are on my list of worst ever.
I get my Medicare advice from Jimmie Walker.
Thankfully those are gone – knock on wood.
One year I decided to give in to the hype and watched the Hyper-Bowl for the commercials.
I discovered that about 25% of the commercials were actually funny and about 25% were actively insulting. The remainder were basic shilling for their product. Skipped the game ever since.
One year we went to a concert featuring Savoy Brown on Super Bowl Sunday. There were eight people in the audience including the Hobbits. Great show but Kin Simmonds mentioned that he wouldn’t do another show on with that distraction.
Now I doze while the wife watches TV. Most annoying is the fat chick dancing for the diabetes medication.
And I see the fat chick mention above.
Just too many commercials where the man is a dolt or BPOC is the know-it-all.
That’s been going on for years. “Doofy Dad” gets schooled by the “Know-it-all Black Chick”.
There was a comedian back in the early days of the webs that highlighted how ads target women. She had a bit on doofus dads. They lied when they said internet is forever cause I can’t find it.
I was just on the throne and an idea hit me.
My landlords put on these lame social mixer events; there was one tonight. Anyway there’s a pool table on the first floor. I need to be shooting some pool even on my own because I love the game and need the practice.
Well, if I am ever in upstate NY, I will come shoot some stick with you. I love that game and spent way too much time playing in bar leagues.
I have played so much bar pool you’d think I’d be better than I am but my BFF always beat the shit out of us it got annoying.
No ooh la la leagues or anything, just drunken fun.
That pretty much describes most bar league pool.
Billiards: nothing at all like riding bicycles again, at least in my experience. I miss those seven weeks when I was good at it.
Next target is a car company. Or a vitamin company. Undecided.
OMG Swiss just couldn’t have the hanging bullet list! 😂
Hierarchy of commercials:
Black chick: Always right, never to be disputed.
Black dude: Font of knowledge, superior to all below, only to be corrected by BC above.
White chick: Font of knowledge for anyone else in the family. Can only be corrected by the two above.
Obnoxious children: Know all. Supported by Mom, superior over clueless Dad.
White dude: Brunt of all jokes, totally clueless until corrected by the four above.
well, don’t you want commercials to be realistic?!1?
why else would 47.2% of TV couples be interracial?
Well 25 percent of the rest are gay couples, with lots of inter racial overlap.
It’s so ridiculous. I get it: we’re supposed to be blase about this stuff.
But commercials are not blase – the whole point is to hit you in head with something. When they throw in confusing mixtures of races and genders it just muddles whatever the message was because the audience is left wondering what the hell is going on instead of focusing on the product.
“Black dude: Font of knowledge, superior to all below, only to be corrected by BC above.”
No, I think black dude comes in below white chick. There’s the ad where black dude is mocking out his white chick who goes into one of those “cash for used car” places; white chick comes out with a fat check and black dude is appropriately chagrined.
My coworker was called up for jury duty Monday. It was a civil case so they needed only 8 not 12.
They ended up choosing 7 women and one black guy for the jury. My coworker, a white Australian, was delighted not to be chosen and said said “Let’s hear it for White Privilege and the Patriarchy!”
WRT the commercial for “Jardiance”.
You know me so well. The 1st time I saw that I immediately said, from my bunk, “I need to find out more about that actress!”
FUCK YEAH
This one makes me dive for the mute button every time.
OTOH, I kinda like a toddlers” target=”_blank” >similar ad from the same manufacturer.
Something to make up for that one
The greatest smile ever.
OMG YES! that is the current worst fucking commercial ever.
That is a cackle only a sleep deprived parent could love.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7KUOLRQNDi8
I wish more of her stuff was still available
Oh that channel has a lot of them.
My favorite of hers
https://youtu.be/BGpQlid9XJI?si=xsQvm1TyjxpgpEtv
Now target woman is showing up in my youtube feed. Thanks for that.
Carl’s Jr and no mention of this
That’s what that is from?! I had no idea.
I will raise you campaign season.
ah I should finish my parody California Initiative ad because man those are always horrible, regardless of topic
All I know is abortion is all that matters.
I still admire this (allegedly banned) VW ad.
My favorite VW ad
There are a few drug commercials out there for HIV or an STD where I swear a room full of white guys sat around brainstorming what kind of people were promiscuous. Gay people! Black people! Mexicans! I know – transgender! Black transgender! And they put every one of them in a cringy commercial. So terrible.
Oh yeah, the STEP UP, PREP UP commercials are terrible and yes, cringey.
If I called my doctor for every time I saw a commercial urging me to call him he’d drop me in a second.
Some side effects may occur
“find out if you suffer from ____!”
I may be getting a case of the vapors. Or farts.
What. Up.
I don’t understand why the local electric company (which has a monopoly) has to advertise.
I also don’t understand why auto dealer ads on the radio are SOOOOOOO annoying.
why did auto dealers and badges advertise these past couple of years…………..
when they had no inventory!?
Guessing they’re fantasizing about the green new deal.
I just laugh at that shit, knowing it will never happen.
Go see Cal
The first of a good series of auto dealer ads. Sadly, the series is from long ago.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rCY6StJNVU
God, I remember those ads as a kid.
do you think you would give me a blow job?
I saw this one a few times during football.
I thought it was pretty wholesome and funny.
Best commercial I ever saw was, sadly, Bud Light
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UHKB6nQrzM
They had great commercials.
Another funny Bud Light commercial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYRZYeI7IpE
Lol.
Before they committed suicide, Bud Light had the best commercials.
Excellent.
I see your Volkswagen ads. Here is the never released Ford Ka ad with cat decapitation.
https://adland.tv/adnews/ford-sportka-cat-decapitation-2004-30-uk
Yes. Nearly perfect ad
Still the best commercial of all time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTr8WGcmKH0
I hate to say anything negative, but no.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hx1jdgTs03U
Video from the Libertarian Party convention?
That is a classic. The whole sweep of it is clever and well-timed, and the little touches like the lint roller add an extra layer of LOLZ.
Only problem is that I never remember the product. To be fair, they’re going for a niche market, not a large base of end customers.
OK, now that one is funny. Really funny.
I am with you hayek. half of the ads these days are so bad I just blank out when they come on. The other half so clever and amusing that after watching them I have no idea what they are hawking.
One for the ladies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE
Best series of car commercials ever.
Couldn’t do them now, of course. Some folks would have a complete chimpout.
This ad campaign might just be the reason that the missus refuses to ride with me in my (headers added, straight-piped) “fun car.”
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE FIRSTING? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
These are Glib firsts. They’re like Publix, or Wegmans, or Whole Foods firsts.
Go first at Aldi, Wal*Mart, Winn-Dixie, or even Dollar General, where your firsts belong… cheap-ass firster.
Sorry I missed the media format discussion this morning. With the massive libraries out there now….it may not be that bad an idea to stop carrying stuff in store (vice online) – although for me…I will almost always pick up a few bargain titles to upgrade on impulse when I’m in store.
It’s just crazy to talk about getting rid of hard media when there are so many amazing boutique labels putting out amazing upgrades/remasters of little-seen/long-long flicks. Since the beginning of the summer, I’ve been preordering at least 1 or 2 titles from Vinegar Syndrome almost every month…and then I’ve got a growing list of classics via cinesavant.com I need to pick up.
Other than that…there are a few new releases periodically – tending towards versions that include 4K for if/when I upgrade my TV…and then looking at whether I want to upgrade old DVD editions (especially stuff like Kurosawa or Fritz Lang). Also still trying to decide if I want to upgrade all my HD-DVDs to Blu-Ray or pick up a backup HD-DVD player (OOP for 10+ yrs…).
I confess I enjoy the KFC commercials with various actors playing the Colonel.
Darrel Hammond, Norm Macdonald, Jim Gaffigan, Reba McIntyre. The fact that they got George Hamilton to play the Colonel in the ad for Extra Crispy was especially lol-worthy.
For you gamers:
https://x.com/historyinmemes/status/1714426024144904408?s=46&t=g7EG4Y-juKY6VXgHEzprrQ
Good morning!
☕🌄🍳
Back to love song Wednesday.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kBHt9eRxmg8
🎶🎶
Definitely mixing it up a bit.
Morning, Glibs.
Good morning all!
Today, we have some tunes from Arthur Brown’s Kingdom Come. This was his band after The Crazy World Of, and the hit Fire,nwhich I assume everyone knows.
Spirit of Joy
Time Captives
Share and enjoy!
Good morning, Beau, U, Sean, and any early birds lurking upthread!
Well, I made it to the office.
Reading email and eating cheese curds. That’s one way to start the day.
But chatting with fellow Glibs is THE way to start the day.
I donno, a lot of you lot take umbridge at me having breakfast salads.
I confess, at some point in my life I internalized some pretty strict rules about what foods are appropriate for breakfast, but I’ve also found ways to rationalize my way out of some of them.
It would help if the salad had some hard-boiled egg and/or bacon bits.
I’ve never been a fan of traditional breakfast foods. Starting the day with a bunch of sleep-inducing carbs and sugars, or a lot of greasy foods just didn’t appeal.
The breakfast salad I tend to have is the stores ‘chef’ salad, often augmented. The base container has lettuce, onion, three cherry tomatos (always exactly three), diced ham, small chicken slices, shredded cheddar, green and red bell pepper, and one hard boiled egg (cut in half). I add salad dressing (obviously) and depending on mood, bacon bits and/or starkist chicken in a bag (the same stuff they put in a can, but in a foil-plastic pouch) This gets me through both breakfast and lunch, as my next meal is dinner.
Breakfast is covfefe and smoke. My first meal is usually an omelet at about 11AM.
If your coffee if smoking, you should probably get your machine looked at.
I accept your salad as close enough to a western omelet not to quibble.
Mornin’, reprobates!
Arthur Brown… Those were different times. The opening of “Time Captives” had never thinking of scratchy vinyl, repeating the same thing over and over, but I’m too stoned to get up and move the needle.
Had *me* thinking. Sheesh.
Good morning, ‘patzie!
TT used to play Brown’s cover of “Sympathy for the Devil” at Halloween to freak out his little sisters.
I was confused for a moment, as when you said he used to play a song, my first inclination was that he picked up one of his guitars and played the song, so how was it someone else’s cover…
Then I realized what you actually meant.
Oh, it’s a stoner album, no doubt. Guilty as charged.
The best commercials ever were the beer adds from the mid to late ’80s into the mid ’90s. Washed up jocks, half clothed models, and juvenile comedy should be how all products are sold.
But I don’t like juvenile comedy. Or washed-up jocks for that matter.
As long as we’re talking the model archetypes of yesteryear and not what they’re pushing current day, they can stay though.
Don’t like washed-up jocks? Here’s something you might like.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YH0uavKvios
Morning all.
Dont like juvenile humor? Me either, that is why Son of the Beach is my favorite TV show of all time.
BTW UnCiv….what did you decide to do with those shanks?
I slow-roasted them with salt and pepper because I didn’t have the ingredients or time to prep osso bucco.
A little later, but the “Real Men of Genius” campaign – for Bud Light, but which could have been for just about anything – stands out for me.
Best ad ever, print division.
https://www.theretrosite.com/national-lampoon-ted-kennedy-vw-ad/
For Sean…
https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2023/10/17/Guinness-World-Records-hottest-chili-Pepper-X/1661697560326/
Carolina Reapers average 1.64 million Scoville Heat Units, while Pepper X rates an average 2,693,000 SHU, a team at South Carolina’s Winthrop University determined.
Pepperex sounds like a hemorrhoid medication.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUYtDA7j19c
The hottest I grew this year was this:
https://www.chilipeppermadness.com/chili-pepper-types/dragons-breath/
Probably the second hottest was:
https://pepperjoe.com/products/trinidad-scorpion-chocolate-cappuccino
Or the chocolate douglahs…or the Apocalypse scorpion…or…