Speaker of the House Open Thread

by | Oct 25, 2023 | Open Post | 138 comments

I work with the woman this song was written about.

Walk across the courtyard towards the library
I can hear the insects buzz and the leaves ‘neath my feet
Ramble up the stairwell into the hall of books
Since we got the interweb, these hardly get used
Duck into the men’s room, combing through my hair
When God gave us mirrors, He had no idea

Looking for a lesson in the periodicals
There, I spy you listening to the AM radio
Karen of The Carpenters singing in the rain
Another lovely victim of the mirror’s evil way
It’s not like you’re not trying with a pencil in your hair
To defy the beauty the good Lord put in there

Simple little bookworm
Buried underneath
Is the sexiest librarian
Take off those glasses
And let down your hair for me

So I watch you through the bookcase imagining a scene
You and I had dinner, spending time, then you sleep
And what then would I say to you lying there in bed?
These words, with a kiss, I would plant in your head
What is it inside our heads that makes us do the opposite
Makes us do the opposite of what’s right for us?
‘Cause everything’d be great and everything’d be good
If everybody gave like everybody could

Sweetest little bookworm
Hidden underneath
Is the sexiest librarian
Take off those glasses
And let down your hair for me
Take off those glasses
And let down your hair for me

Simple little beauty, heaven in your breath
Simplest of pleasures, the world at its best

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

138 Comments

  1. Common Tater

    He doesn’t look that fat. Winter is coming.

    • Rat on a train

      Winter of severe illness and death?

      • Common Tater

        He’ll sleep it off.

  2. Aloysious

    How did you get Animal to sit still for that picture?

    • R.J.

      “I know the locations of the guns you lost in a tragic boating accident.”

  3. Swiss Servator

    I guess everyone is still yammering about the Speaker in the post of one of the best pieces of fiction we have ever had up.

    I am disappoint.

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      Are they? I thought the conversation had moved to ERB and Wa-wa’s.

      • R.J.

        Indeed. I am guilty, but I did applaud wildly and go to my bunk to think of skeletons first.

    • SugarFree

      You got to chase the heat, Swiss.

    • kinnath

      It was a great story, and I said so. After that, there’s not a lot more to say.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Indeed. I hesitate to say it cut to the bone, but, well…

        Anyhoo, I quoted the part that brought it all home to me.

  4. Urthona

    He apparently voted against gay marriage or something.

    That’s all I got from the internets so far.

  5. Urthona

    Saw: voted against funding for Ukraine each time? Good I guess.

    Wants to make funding ISRAEL his first act.

    Uh… ok.

    • The Other Kevin

      Said Pelosi should be arrested for tearing up Trump’s speech, it being an official document or something.

      • Urthona

        So… wait. Jim Jordan was too conservative, but this guy?

      • The Other Kevin

        I know. He was pretty tough on Mayorkas when questioning him on censorship too.

    • Rat on a train

      Separate votes is the right direction. Rejecting is better.

      • Urthona

        I’m gonna be honest here in that I *like* Israel better, but I also don’t think they need any help from us.

        Their main obstacle to “winning” is actually just the United States applying pressure on them not to.

      • Bobarian LMD

        This right here. Our involvement should not be any deeper than diplomatic shuttle.

      • Rat on a train

        I have favorites for both but don’t want the US government involved.

      • Urthona

        I’m willing to formerly pass a resolution saying “atta boy” everyone once in awhile to both if they do well.

  6. Pine_Tree

    I’d never heard of him, but a quick look through the comments on legalinsurrection.com seem to say that he pisses off all the right people

    • Rat on a train

      He gets a F ratings from the NAACPP, NEA, and Republicans for Ukraine. A 2% from LCV. 10% ACLU.
      That’s a few good indicators.

  7. Urthona

    How do I PM somebody? I want to send RJ my top secret email address.

    • R.J.

      I can’t figure it out. BUT, you could go to the old Forum post, and put a burner address there.

    • Nephilium

      Used to be that you could do that on the forum, but I think the functionality was lost at some point.

  8. Shpip

    I’m guessing that in an open post there’s no half-hour rule, so…

    A few days ago I brought up one Sylvia Swayne, a 26-year old “transgender woman” who was running for the Alabama House.

    Swayne was in a runoff in the Democrat primary in a majority-black district, and had garnered a bit of publicity after receiving $50K from Leaders We Deserve, which is Davey Hogg’s PAC designed to get callow youths into positions of power.

    With the boost from that cash, Swayne was able to get over the top almost 35% of the vote.

    Hogg, predictably, is guzzling the copium.

    • rhywun

      I’m sure this will not be the last time you all hear from Sylvia Swayne.

      Is that a threat?

      I wonder what that person’s qualifications are beyond gender confusion. Cuz Hogg isn’t saying.

      • prolefeed

        Her qualifications are that she is a very passable and pretty person with a dick, and holds standard Democratic positions – in Alabama:

        “it distracts us from the fact that we’re not putting enough money into public education, or lack of funds in public transportation, disenfranchisement of Black voters. All of these are efforts to suppress people who want to make better lives for themselves.”

    • Urthona

      The black southern democrat support for transgenders will come I’m sure.

      • prolefeed

        She got whupped by a 2-1 margin in a Democratic primary, so not so much.

      • Urthona

        Oh. Ok.

        Very surprising.

      • Shpip

        Swayne is going to have to parachute into one of those districts comprised of affluent, smug lefties with “In This House…” signs in their front yard.

        Not sure how many of those exist in Alabama.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        There are plenty of those precincts in my town for her to win

  9. The Late P Brooks

    The Guardian weighs in on the big scary survey

    The 14th annual American Values Survey, carried out by the non-profit Public Religion Research Institute (PRRI) in partnership with the Brookings Institution thinktank, offers a snapshot of America’s deepening polarisation and willingness to contemplate taking up arms.

    Even as Joe Biden has sought to lower the temperature, support for political violence has increased over the past two years, the survey shows. Today about 23% of Americans agree that “because things have gotten so far off track, true American patriots may have to resort to violence in order to save our country” – up from 15% in 2021.

    A gigantic whopper right out of the gate. That got a belly laugh.

    I love how they frame things in ominous generalities, and let he readers fill in the blanks. The country is on the wrong track. Democracy is in peril. Divisive lies are everywhere.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      “Even as Joe Biden has sought to lower the temperature”

      Jeez Louise. Did they even watch his speech in Philadelphia? Or nearly any other speech?

      • Sean

        It’s all lies and propaganda.

        Whatcha gonna do?

      • Nephilium

        Wonder if Joe should reduce his own CO2 emissions before trying to stop others?

      • prolefeed

        Conspicuously absent was anything about the Great Uniter, H. Clinton, saying us deplorables should be thrown into government re-education camps.

        Because that modest proposal lowers the fuck outta the temperature, yeah?

      • Rat on a train

        Well, with the deplorables out of the way there would be no resistance to Democracy.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Lowers to room temperature?

      • The Other Kevin

        Since he became president, Biden hasn’t lowered the temperature on one damn thing. In fact I can’t think of a single bad situation that he didn’t actively escalate.

    • rhywun

      That got a belly laugh.

      Seriously.

      Never change, The Guardian.

  10. kinnath

    And, I am already getting email spam with Johnson’s name on it.

    • Urthona

      You definitely want a dog that’s cool to get high with.

    • Sensei

      …and then I got high.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Half Baked is so underrated and underseen.

      • SugarFree

        “You said you gave Mary Jane a pearl necklace!”

        “You completely misunderstood that story.”

  11. KK, Non-Man

    IDGAF about politicians. They’re all bottom-feeding, power-hungry douchebags. What else is there to discuss?

    Much more important is why Publix doesn’t have raspberry preserves in stock in any brand.

    • Urthona

      *not Ron Paul

      • KK, Non-Man

        I treated him with the same scrutiny and skepticism as I do, say, Nancy Pelosi. Same for Thomas Massie and Rand Paul. Never trust a politician. Any politician.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Hey but I couldn’t ask for two politicians that at least somewhat align with my world view…

      • Gustave Lytton

        ^^^ whatever I mostly like about the two is tempered by the fact that they willingly live in that swamp

        And by swamp, I mean politics not just DC.

    • KK, Non-Man

      They were also out of Thomas’s English muffins

    • Mojeaux

      Unrelated: where is my lemon curd?!

      • KK, Non-Man

        🤔

        I do have eggs, butter, lemon, and sugar…

      • hayeksplosives

        I have been invited to a brunch this Saturday, the second in what we hope will be a series. It’s mixed (male & female) group of nerds from work meeting up at the reserved common space of one of the coworkers. It was a great success last time.

        There were paint supplies and cheap canvases; some of the folks are decent artists/illustrators.

        Last time I brought champagne for mimosas. Not this time.

        Any brunch dish suggestions? I was contemplating a pumpkin pie just because of time of year; for that I have the recipe I like already.

      • KK, Non-Man

        I like to make various benedicts, but that would be for a party at my house house. Pumpkin is a nice idea. But maybe a variation like pumpkin mousse or pumpkin cheesecake?

      • hayeksplosives

        Yeah, I need to keep it easy to transport.

        The cheesecake idea could work. And I could hold aside some slightly contrasting batter to make a spiral on top and drag through a “spiderweb” pattern for Halloween.

        Thanks!

      • slumbrew

        Frittata. Easy, delicious.

    • Shpip

      Much more important is why Publix doesn’t have raspberry preserves in stock in any brand.

      You’re in Sakerlina. Try mayhaw jelly. If Publix doesn’t have it, a neighborhood grocery or general store should.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    “The political temperature in America is rising, and this year’s American Values Survey results reflect that reality,” said PRRI’s president and founder, Robert P Jones. “Our last presidential election was the first in our history without a peaceful transfer of power. With flashes of political violence continuing among us, and the 2024 election on the horizon, we should be deeply concerned about the growing number of Americans who express openness to political violence.”

    Totally nonpartisan.

    Our last presidential election was the first in our history without a peaceful transfer of power

    What in the everloving fuck are you talking about, you 100% partisan retard?

    • Rat on a train

      Biden had to send in troops to get Trump out of the White House.

    • rhywun

      Probably not Ashli Babbit.

    • prolefeed

      To be fair, locking up people for years without a trial, and then imposing multi-decade long sentences for exercising the First Amendment “right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances”, and killing some of these protesters, and pre-emptively allowing lefty fascists to burn and loot neighborhoods before the election, sure seems like a non-peaceful way to transfer power.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Much more important is why Publix doesn’t have raspberry preserves in stock in any brand.

    Red currant jelly has disappeared. WTF?

  14. Common Tater

    “Panera Bread faces lawsuit over ‘charged lemonade’ that allegedly killed 21-year-old – here are 6 unassuming ‘healthy’ drinks that contain a dose of caffeine that’s potentially lethal for heart patients

    The student, Sarah Katz from New Jersey, drank a 30-ounce cup of ‘Charged Lemonade’ from fast food joint Panera Bread, which contains more caffeine than a Red Bull and Monster energy drink combined.

    Ms Katz suffered a serious heart rhythm condition called long QT syndrome, which causes the heart to beat irregularly (arrhythmia).

    She was diagnosed with the condition aged five and had managed it with medication and limiting caffeine, according to documents written by lawyers representing her parents.”

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-12666137/Panera-Bread-charged-lemonade-lawsuit-caffeine-drinks-safety.html

    Sad.

    • Urthona

      Thank drink sounds horrible, but what did she think was in “charged lemonade”?

      • Mojeaux

        At first read, it looked to me like some fancy-dancy marketing, not something extra added.

      • EvilSheldon

        I actually tried that stuff recently. It was awful. Seems like I need to remind myself, ‘Don’t eat at Panera’s’ every once in a while.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Their tuna fish sandwiches are good and, actually that’s it.

      • KK, Non-Man

        Turkey avocado BLT FTW

        Also, you can make yourself a decent Arnold Palmer between their (non-charged) agave lemonade and iced tea.

      • Mojeaux

        Broccoli cheddar soup in a bread bowl.

      • Urthona

        It used to be good, but the quality has gone way down hill. Not gonna bother to research why that is.

        My daughter likes it.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        The wife likes them, as it gives her a lot of veggies, but I avoid places like that. Give me a good burrito any day.

      • rhywun

        I’ve only been there once but it was delicious. Some sort of turkey sandwich and mac & cheese.

    • kinnath

      While the caffeine content in Charged Lemonade is listed on Panera’s website, it’s not listed on the menu in the store or the plastic cup itself.

      guilty!

      • kinnath

        ‘Instead, defendants market, advertise, and sell Panera Charged Lemonade as a product that is “plant-based and clean with as much caffeine as our Dark Roast Coffee,”‘ the lawsuit reads.

        In stores, Panera does ‘not specify what size coffee cup is akin to a Panera Charged Lemonade’, making it difficult to know exactly how much caffeine it contains.

        And keep reading. Not so clear cut.

      • R.J.

        It says it has caffeine in it. I would think no caffeine is safe and she should have just been drinking water. Moment of carelessness?

      • kinnath

        It says it has caffeine in it.

        Does it?

        The menu doesn’t say it. The cup doesn’t say it. The marketing materials say it.

        Did she know she was getting caffeine? Should she have known? Did she make a bad assumption that lemonade was safe because it generally is everywhere?

      • Mojeaux

        So WHERE exactly does it say it has caffeine in it? On the menu board? Also, NO ONE thinks lemonade has caffeine in it. WTF does “charged” even mean? Now, she could’ve asked that.

      • Urthona

        Maybe she thought “charged” meant “this costs money”.

        But I actually am familiar with the marketing gimmick for “charged” things as I fuckin’ love caffeine.

      • Mojeaux

        the marketing gimmick for “charged” things

        I have never heard of it, but I’m not a caffeine drinker because I can’t stand the smell of coffee (also, Mormon), I really don’t like carbonation so pop is not on my menu, and all I drink is water, pretty much. I get my caffeine in pill form.

      • creech

        I would think “It has booze.”. Ask the counter clerk what it means, if you have dietary restrictions.

      • Ownbestenemy

        You expect people to take charge of their own lives?

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        ISWYDT, OBE.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yeah, that could mean extra sugar, extra tart, a lot of benign things if it isn’t specifically stated. A sad story.

      • Mojeaux

        I would totally go for extra tart lemonade.

      • Mojeaux

        I just use lemon juice, water, and Splenda.

      • R.J.

        I know people with dietary problems, and I know vegans. They all look up every detail of food before eating. Not a bite goes in without a look up. So I find this odd.

      • Sensei

        Yes on that.

        Still I’d like to know the signage in the store itself.

      • Sensei

        If they were signed like that I’m not very sympathetic.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Their online menu however…dubious

        Charged Sips
        Naturally flavored, plant-based, and Clean with about as much caffeine as our Dark Roast coffee

        They claim they have 290mg in a 20oz cup of their dark roast.

        Basically this girl slammed 4 energy drinks in one sitting. Lapse of judgement for sure.

      • rhywun

        Yeah, it sounds like she should not have been drinking any caffeine at all.

      • Urthona

        I’ve never heard of anyone really being all that sensitive to caffeine which is the most perfect drug in all of nature.

        I call bullshit on that part, since no one has done that yet and it’s fun.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Balzac supposedly ODed on coffee.

      • Urthona

        Impossible. Caffeine loves us and only wants what’s best for us.

      • Nephilium

        I seem to recall it was posted on the dispensing machines the last time I was in a Panera (before the lockdowns).

    • Bobarian LMD

      Do they keep it a secret that there is caffeine in it? If not, then I’m sad for your loss… Next case.

    • CPRM

      I have issues with caffeine, if it’s a drink I’m unfamiliar with that has any hint that it may contain caffeine I ask the staff. If they don’t know, I won’t order it.

  15. DEG

    Sununu stopped campaigning with Christie. Instead, campaigns with DeSantis

    Gov. Chris Sununu took fellow Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis on a road show across the Granite State Tuesday, and while the popular New Hampshire pol didn’t give DeSantis his endorsement, Sununu made it clear he is on the shortlist.

    “When you have somebody like Gov. DeSantis who has been in Congress, he’s been in Washington, he’s been a successful governor in a big state like Florida, which is a very important role,” Sununu said. “What he did with the hurricanes, what he did with controlling taxes, what he did with managing the pandemic far better than Donald Trump did.”

    I chuckled at the highlighted bit. Sununu kept the Lil Rona Panic going in NH for 18 months, far longer than DeSantis locked Florida down. DeSantis admitted he made a mistake, backtracked, and fought against the Lil Rona Panic. Sununu struck back at anyone that pushed back against him and has never admitted to making a mistake with lockdowns.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Maybe Christie tried to eat him or something.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        He got tired of Christie telling him to make more gyros.

  16. DEG

    Hammer films retrospective

    Paging RJ

    Okay, it is Hammer Films so gold-plated is probably a little more accurate.

    You could always tell a Hammer Film just by the look of it, even if you had surfed-in just flipping channels on a Saturday night. There was something about it’s aesthetic. Something about its style. Hammer in the Mid-Sixties was at its height. Their gorgeous look was and still is unmistakable. On a minuscule budget, Hammer delivered films that seemed pretty close to C. B. DeMille’s epic.

    • R.J.

      That is a long form article! CPRM would tear me a new one if I exceed 700 words.

      • SugarFree

        I absolve you and give you permission. More. Write more. Write so much on Hammer Films.

      • R.J.

        OK. Hammer Film Thanksgiving?

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Because Christopher Lee is one of the most awesome people in film, you should write more and often.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Because Christopher Lee is one of the most awesome people

        Can end the sentence right there.

  17. Ownbestenemy

    Taking this position in KY is like stepping back to 2010 Vegas air traffic control tower. Some systems are older iterations, older tower design, etc. Means while ‘slower’ traffic, I actually have more work.

    This is good. I’m less at my desk and more engaged. Work I passed onto others at Vegas is solely mine here.

    Jackass who is salty I took the job has consistently exhibited why he was passed up.

  18. robc

    robc from the morning thread:

    Saric (2647) v Caruana* (2786)
    Nakamura* (2780) v Svane (2646)
    Ponomariov (2641) v Firouzja (2777)
    Giri (2760) v Sadhwani (2641)
    Mamedov (2640) v Gukesh (2758)
    Warmerdam (2636) v Aronian* (2742)
    Theodorou (2619) v Sevian* (2698)
    Shankland* (2698) v Nguyen (2618)
    Xiong* (2693) v Kathikeyan (2611)
    Mishra* (2592) v Sarana (2682)
    Shevchenko (2671) v Akobian* (2582)
    Niemann* (2667) v Amar (2568)

    Caruana, Aronian, Sevian, Niemann won.
    Mishra lost.
    Rest were draws.

    • robc

      The big story of the tourney is Nakamura vs Firouzja. Top 2 qualify for candidates tournament, but both of them are also competing for the spot given to highest rating among unqualified. As the 2 and 3 seeds in the tourney, they could both easily make the top 2 (and its not just top 2, but top 2 not already qualified, so top 3/4 if Caruana/Pragg finishes in top 2), but they are also trying to distance themselves from each other. If either qualifies, the other probably does too, unless they tank and allow Giri to catch up.

      For those not following morning thread, this is the Grand Swiss chess tourney on the Isle of Man.

  19. Ownbestenemy

    I am contemplating painting Latin letters on my dilapidated deck and play Indians Jones trying to spell God.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Remember that Jehovah starts with an I.

    • robc

      Read that as dick, not deck. It was weird that way.

      • R.J.

        It’s funnier that way.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    So convenient

    Australia is moving quickly to become a cashless society as the government and banks are looking to have even more control over the daily lives of their citizens.

    This isn’t some sort of conspiracy theory – this is actual fact that digital only payments will soon be the only way to perform transactions as more banks are closing, those that remain open are going cashless, and banks are limiting the amount of money that can be withdrawn. The agenda is becoming even more evident as Australia’s Reserve Bank just revealed that the amount of banknotes that banks requested this year was just 1/3rd of normal levels.

    At this rate, many believe that Australia could be entirely cashless by the end of 2025 – just a little over two years from now as they sucker people into giving up their freedom for being able to utilize something that is more convenient and easier to use.

    Freedom to lie and hide your behaviour from the almighty government? Nobody needs that, mate.

    • hayeksplosives

      How do garage sales and swap meets work? Is everybody supposed to enroll in Venmo?

      • CPRM

        That is unapproved economic activity.

    • Gustave Lytton

      E payments for your Bunnings snag?

  21. Mojeaux

    Today in tales of Bidenomics, FB marketplace is d-e-d ded. I mean, there’s lots of listings, but nothing’s moving. Today I had to give away my antique bed because nobody was going to pay $150 for it. Beautiful bed, too. Been in my family for 60 years. I just made them promise to love it and not be mean to it.

    I’m trying to find a couch, and all the ones I’m looking at are not moving and their prices keep coming down. Now, part of that is that the assholes who create the listing aren’t responding to their messages, but whatevs. This is good furniture, too. Nobody’s biting.

    Craft supplies that 2 years ago would have gone lickety-split for what I’m asking are also not getting any bites. Ain’t nobody buyin’ shit, peeps.

    • Gustave Lytton

      My excuse is I’m enpupified.

      (She’s asleep on my arm at this very moment)

      • Mojeaux

        I wouldn’t be looking for furniture if I had a puppy. 😂

      • Gustave Lytton

        Unless you can’t keep them out of your dope.

      • Ted S.

        I’m sorry you have a pupa.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      We tried selling some couches a couple years ago and had no bites, even at $0, and they were pretty good couches. You should be able to get a good deal.

  22. The Bearded Hobbit

    I’m surprised that this hasn’t been mentioned yet.

    RIP Shaft

    • Ted S.

      Probably because somebody did mention it yesterday (not I).

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Musta missed it