AfterSugar Link Wednesday Free – The Horrors of the Sea

by | Dec 20, 2023 | Daily Links | 130 comments


 

Nope, nope, nope. It pukes out its guts to eat. Nope, say I!


 

 

THE BLOOP

Bloop was an ultra-low-frequency, high amplitude underwater sound detected by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) in 1997.[1] By 2012, earlier speculation that the sound originated from a marine animal[2] was replaced by NOAA’s description of the sound as being consistent with noises generated via non-tectonic cryoseisms originating from glacial movements such as ice calving, or through seabed gouging by ice.[1][3][4]

Sound profile
The sound’s source was roughly triangulated to 50°S 100°W, a remote point in the south Pacific Ocean west of the southern tip of South America. The sound was detected by the Equatorial Pacific Ocean autonomous hydrophone array,[1] a system of hydrophones primarily used to monitor undersea seismicity, ice noise, and marine mammal population and migration.[5]: 284  This is a stand-alone system designed and built by NOAA’s Pacific Marine Environmental Laboratory (PMEL) to augment NOAA’s use of the U.S. Navy Sound Surveillance System (SOSUS), which was equipment originally designed to detect Soviet submarines.[5]: 255–256

Don’t believe in Wikipedia’s lies. It basically just the CIA at this point.


 

 

Once the sinuous beasts breached the land, it was all over for the human race. Glistening with ill will and cephalopodic hate, the invaders from the sea squirmed and wormed their way across the globe, reducing all of man achievements to rubble in their wake.


 

Goblin Shark

 


Spotted Wobbegong

 

Helicoprion

(Extinct, hopefully)


 

“The Thing cannot be described – there is no language for such abysms of shrieking and immemorial lunacy, such eldritch contradictions of all matter, force, and cosmic order. A mountain walked or stumbled.

If I say that my somewhat extravagant imagination yielded simultaneous pictures of an octopus, a dragon, and a human caricature, I shall not be unfaithful to the spirit of the thing. A pulpy, tentacled head surmounted a grotesque and scaly body with rudimentary wings; but it was the general outline of the whole which made it most shockingly frightful.”

― H.P. Lovecraft, “The Call of Cthulhu”


 

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

130 Comments

  1. Common Tater

    Leaving the ocean was a mistake.

    • Urthona

      Dolphins evolved from an ancestor of wolves.

      I guess what I’m say is it’s possible to go back.

      • hayeksplosives

        I always thought seals & sea lions look a lot like dogs.

        It’s hard to imagine going “back to the ocean” without a number of helpful mutations, and it’s hard to imagine living on land with said mutations that would be helpful in land.

        I suppose that’s why these things are measured in millions and millions of years.

  2. Common Tater

    “It basically just the CIA at this point.”

    That’s what Tucker Carlson says.

  3. Sean

    “That is not dead which can eternal lie, And with strange aeons even death may die.”

    • Tonio

      Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!

  4. Shpip

    The spotted wobbegong (Orectolobus maculatus) is a carpet shark in the family Orectolobidae, endemic to Australia. It is a large, robust species, typically reaching 150–180 centimetres (59–71 in) in length. Coloured green, yellow, or brown, it has distinctive O-shaped spots throughout its body. It is nocturnal, resting at day and feeding on fish and invertebrates at night. An ovoviviparous species, the spotted wobbegong gives birth in the spring, during which time males can act aggressively towards other males and females. It has been known to bite humans, sometimes unprovoked, which can produce severe wounds.

    “Spotted wobbegong” can replace “Waltzing Matilda” when the time comes, since it meters about the same.

    Of course it bites humans unprovoked. It’s goddamn Australian, isn’t it?

    • Swiss Servator

      Australia – where everything bad from evolution went to go live in a trailer.

    • Not Adahn

      It makes sense it would be an aggressive protector — all of its spawn are above average.

      • hayeksplosives

        Ha! I see what you did there.

  5. The Other Kevin

    I love the ocean and water in general. But I will not swim in anything but a swimming pool at night.

  6. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Sea Cucumber: Ah, so John Carpenter didn’t just dream up all that The Thing disturbing grossness then…

    • The Other Kevin

      Once when I as diving I got to hold a sea cucumber. Thankfully it didn’t do anything like that. It just sat there like a black slimy turd.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I find your familiarity with black slimy turds disturbing.

    • Urthona

      Always found them to be something of a misnomer. They taste nothing like the above ground kind.

    • Common Tater

      People eat them. I was at huge Chinese market that had barrels filled with dried sea cucumbers.

      • Urthona

        Just because Chinese people eat an animal doesn’t prove that anyone else does.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Bat Soup!

      • DEG

        I’ve eaten sea cucumber. It was part of a stew at a Chinese restaurant. Reminded me of snot.

      • Pope Jimbo

        That was how I describe sea urchin. “Looks like orange snot, but doesn’t taste as good”

      • slumbrew

        I can’t even with you.

        More uni for me.

    • Tonio

      John W. Campbell, Jr wrote the story on which the movies are based. Highly recommend reading his novella “Who Goes There” if you’re a fan. The casting of Kurt Russell is spot on given Campbell’s borderline homoerotic description of the character.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Who goes there? Tonio goes there!

  7. Common Tater

    “This Disturbing LGBTQ Kids Show Needs To Be Stopped”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buqjakVepI8

    I love how YouTube allows a channel called “Queer Kid Stuff”, but bans the word pedophile.

  8. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    The spotted Wobbegong looks like a 1970s necktie.

  9. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    Now the California Lt. Governor is trying to get Trump off the ballot.

    https://twitter.com/ccadelago/status/1737538069505745356

    The best part is that she got the age requirement for President wrong. Best and brightest.

    • The Other Kevin

      They just can’t help themselves from tearing it all down can’t they? I give it 3 days until a red state tries to do the same thing to Biden.

      • Tonio

        Someone has already suggested that. I believe over at Red State.

      • The Other Kevin

        While it’s obvious that people walking calmly through a building escorted by police is an insurrection, high prices and people pouring over the border are a figment of your imagination.

      • Rat on a train

        Florida Dems saw it coming and canceled their primary.

      • Urthona

        What exactly is the strategy here? Have Desantis win the primary and then lose even harder?

      • Drake

        The establishment wants Nikki Haley. The base hates her.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Frankly I’d rather have Biden than that bitch.

      • Drake

        She was Governor here and I’ve yet to see a single sign for her. Just lots of Trump signs and a couple for RFK.

      • DEG

        I’ve seen a few Haley signs around here. They’re all in front of houses that I think had Sununu signs during the last gubernatorial election.

      • grrizzly

        Haley texts me every single day. Each time from a different phone number. Fortunately, my phone always identifies her texts as spam.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        I guess it’s possible that they believe their own bullshit.

      • Pope Jimbo

        What will be extra infuriating is when Biden still wins the vote in red states that dumped him from the ballot. Especially since he was behind before they had to close the voting center due to a water leak and just after that he gets 500,000 votes to Trump’s 0 vote from a new batch of ballots. And the ballots have Biden’s name printed on them.

        When people try to sue, their case will be denied because of a lack of standing. The MSM will say Biden’s victory is 100% pure and no court ever found any evidence of voter fraud.

      • Brochettaward

        I feel as though you are casting aspersions on the most secure election in our nation’s history. Juris doesn’t like that.

      • Pope Jimbo

        I appreciate JI’s points on this. I am probably closer to him on most of those issues than to the “it was totes fraud” side of the debate.

        Mostly I think they stole it fair and square. It was more mail in ballot harvesting than anything else. If Trump hadn’t been such a dummy he would have fought those new laws in court before the election. Not after.

  10. bacon-magic

    Jellyfish should taste like jelly.

    • Urthona

      Cinnamon clown fish should taste like cinnamon clowns.

      • juris imprudent

        That would still taste funny.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      It does if you put some jelly on it.

    • Tonio

      Jesse brand lube, now available in tantalizing “low tide” fragrance at the Glibmart.

      • bacon-magic

        Do I have to buy a 55 gallon drum? Inflation has me on a pint sized budget.

    • Spudalicious

      They do. Fish jelly.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Jellyfish should taste like jelly.

      Have you sent every pussy cat you’ve ever owned back to the shelter for the same reason?

      • Spudalicious

        *bacon magic spits out cat fur*

        “Dammit. Another defective one.”

  11. Tonio

    Apparently even RFK Jr. has come out against the Colorado decision.

    • Tonio

      That is beautiful and perfect. Thank you.

  12. Shpip

    The Latin phrase De mortuis nil nisi bonum dicendum est, “Of the dead nothing but good is to be said.” — abbreviated Nil nisi bonum — is a mortuary aphorism indicating that it is socially inappropriate for the living to speak ill of the dead who cannot defend or justify themselves.

    The phrase is attributed to Chilon of Sparta, who lived some 2600 years ago.

    On occasion, though, some folks opt to take a different approach.

    • Sensei

      I swear I’ve read that before with a different date of death.

    • Urthona

      But how do the bottom Republicans feel about it?

      • Common Tater

        “Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., who serves as the top Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee called the report ‘beyond unnerving.'”

      • Urthona

        That’s the worst kind of unnerving other than “far beyond unnerving”.

      • The Gunslinger

        I strenuously object to China reunifying with Taiwan.

      • slumbrew

        “you strenuously object?”

      • The Gunslinger

        If I strenuously object maybe China will take some time to reconsider.

  13. The Bearded Hobbit

    TEH HORROR!

    ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — As you’re finalizing your holiday travel plans for this weekend, the ACLU has a warning about traveling to Texas.

    “I think there’s very strong evidence that this is completely unconstitutional,” said Leo Castañeda with the ACLU of New Mexico. “The Supreme Court has previously ruled that immigration enforcement is the exclusive domain of the federal government.”

    The ACLU of New Mexico has joined several other states to issue a warning about traveling to Texas.

    Maybe the Feds should step up and do their job so that the states don’t have to.

    “If they’re visiting family members, it’s a good opportunity to have a conversation with them about security measures they might need to take,” Castañeda said. “You know, if you have family members who maybe don’t have the proper documentation or don’t normally carry it with them. This is a good time to start having conversations about proper digital security and proper protections.”

    No panic-mongering going on here at all.

    • Urthona

      Issuing a warning about traveling to Texas should… uh.. really teach Texas a lesson there. That’s not exactly what they want or anything.

    • Ted S.

      Colorado’s unconstitutional legal decisions, on the other….

    • rhywun

      Those assholes are out there begging for holiday charity dollars with the same tired lies you hear all over the left about how bad people are trying to take your vote away. Where do they even come up with that shit?

      And “reproductive freedom” because of course.

    • Pope Jimbo

      That really is the official cover of the ’98 hunting regs in Minnesoda. I didn’t even notice anything until a non-hunting buddy saw it on my desk and burst into gales of laughter.

      • Sensei

        By 98 they should have known better. That’s great!

        This is why you are in fly over country…

    • The Other Kevin

      This is what happens when Disney redoes Pretty Woman.

    • Sensei

      Could the makeup be any thicker?

      • Nephilium

        Probably. It was just this week that I’ve learned that at least one cosmetic company is trying to make it EASIER to get duck lips.

      • The Other Kevin

        And why are they blurring her face in just some of the pictures?

      • Sensei

        I’m assuming they just scraped her own social media and she did so on her older pics before she “came out”.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Ah those Brits and their tit fetish, God love ‘em.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Blast from the past

    Checkpoint C at Charlotte Douglas International Airport is back open after an unattended bag led to a bomb squad investigation Wednesday morning.

    The Charlotte Airport X account confirmed Checkpoint C was closed due to a security issue around 9:30 a.m. The Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department Bomb Squad Unit was called to the airport to investigate. CMPD later confirmed the “suspicious package” was an unattended bag and the owner was found.

    See something, freak out.

    • The Other Kevin

      Meanwhile people without valid ID’s are fine as long as they’re not from this country.

      • Urthona

        I’d like to correct a small misunderstanding here because I see this a lot.

        You actually don’t need an ID to fly or even enter through security. That’s something they *PRETEND* that you need. It’s only for show.

        Flying requiring ID is often used to argue various things like voting or whatever.

        But nope.

        I lost my driver’s license last year and had no other ID at the airport. They gave me a stern talking to and then let me on.

        It sucks because everything takes longer, but it’s ultimately fine.

      • The Other Kevin

        Wow, I had no idea. But like you said, they pretend and everyone just goes along.

      • rhywun

        That strikes me as a practice that probably varies wildly by circumstance.

        And… what about next year when REALID is required?

      • Urthona

        It probably does.

        I told them I wasn’t a terrorist though and they really believed me.

  15. Pope Jimbo

    Naughty girls extra hard on the Johnsons

    It may be the season of loving and giving, but doctors have warned against embracing this spirit too enthusiastically – at least where sexual relations are concerned. They have discovered that the Christmas period is associated with a significantly increased risk of penile fractures – a medical emergency in which the erection-producing regions of the penis snap, usually as a result of forceful bending during over-enthusiastic sexual intercourse.

    “This injury tends to occur during wild sex – particularly in positions where you’re not in direct eye contact [with your partner], such as the reverse cowgirl,” said Dr Nikolaos Pyrgides, a urologist at the Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich, who led the research.

    The fractures are often heralded by an audible crack, followed by severe pain, rapid loss of erection and severe swelling and bruising. “When [patients] present to their doctor their penis often looks like an eggplant,” Pyrgides said.

    • B.P.

      ““This injury tends to occur during wild sex – particularly in positions where you’re not in direct eye contact [with your partner], such as the reverse cowgirl,” said Dr Nikolaos Pyrgides…” over the telephone as he vigorously rubbed one out under his desk.

      • Pope Jimbo

        So you are saying Toobin had to have his zoom camera on? For safety?

  16. The Other Kevin

    When something important happens you can count on The Bee to bring it three times over.

    Colorado Saves Democracy By Not Allowing People To Vote For Preferred Candidate
    https://babylonbee.com/news/colorado-saves-democracy-by-not-allowing-people-to-vote-for-preferred-candidate

    ‘Trump Can’t, Like, Run In The Election, Man,’ Says Colorado Judge Munching On Funyuns Enveloped In Cloud Of Smoke
    https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-cant-like-run-in-the-election-man-says-colorado-judge-munching-on-funyuns-enveloped-in-cloud-of-smoke

    And my favorite:

    Colorado Supreme Court Demands Jack Phillips Bake Cake To Celebrate Trump Ruling
    https://babylonbee.com/news/colorado-supreme-court-demands-jack-phillips-bake-cake-to-celebrate-trump-ruling

  17. Fatty Bolger

    There’s a legit scientific theory that octopuses have an extraterrestrial origin.

    • Common Tater

      So you are saying it was aliens?

    • Urthona

      So they dispute that all complex life on this planet can trace its mitochondria back to the same singularity 2 billion years ago?

    • Pope Jimbo

      That theory doesn’t have a leg to stand on!

      • Urthona

        oh ho!!!

    • rhywun

      No do Alex Haley and MLK.

      IOW, she has nothing whatsoever to worry about.

    • creech

      Hey, it didn’t hold back “top of my class” Joe Biden.

    • slumbrew

      I thought she’d be able to shrug it off but if CNN is calling it out she may be done.

      My wife is, uh, adjacent to the school so she had the inaugural on and, boy, did Gay come off as wildly pompous to me.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vU75RZkNPWc

      Moynihan on The Fifth Column pointed out how insanely thin her CV is

  18. The Late P Brooks

    Carnage

    Tesla drivers in the U.S. were involved in accidents at a higher rate than drivers of any other brand of vehicle over the past year, according to a new study of 30 automotive brands by LendingTree.

    The researchers analyzed quotes from people looking to insure their own vehicles, and did not include accident or incident data involving drivers of rental cars, a spokesperson for LendingTree told CNBC by email on Tuesday.

    The study said: “It’s hard to nail down why certain brands may have higher accident rates than others. However, there are indications that certain types of vehicles attract riskier drivers than others.”

    ——-

    Tesla’s ADAS technology is meant to help drivers with steering, acceleration and braking. CEO Elon Musk claimed in 2021 that a Tesla driver using Autopilot was about 10 times less likely to crash than a driver of the average car. While Tesla publishes its own safety reports, the company has not allowed third-party researchers to evaluate their data to confirm or debunk such claims.

    Considering absolute numbers, he’s probably correct.

    If those Teslas would stop sneaking up on people, they might not get into so many wrecks. I came out of a grocery store yesterday and a not-a-Tesla EV went by me in the parking lot. All you could hear was a faint whirring noise. Although, in fairness, most new cars aren’t much louder.

    • Urthona

      Well teslas are actually super fast and quiet, but I suppose we could look at demographics of the drivers too.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Lots of Asians like their Teslas. Just sayin’.

      • Urthona

        What are you saying here?

        Could you elaborate in a way that I can call racist?!

    • The Other Kevin

      Did they just really like that car shape and decide to stop coming up with new designs?

      • Sensei

        Drag is a huge deal for efficiency. It really limits designs.

      • rhywun

        I remember playing “identify the make the model” with my brother in the 80s when mom was driving us around somewhere. It was easy back then. Now they all look alike.

    • Rat on a train

      That’s not a Blazer. This is a Blazer.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        In all fairness, nothing competes with an OJ Bronco

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Also- I wonder how many of those Tesla fender benders re the result of drivers doing hard launches in traffic.

    • Sensei

      As an owner I go with the marketing spin of all the sensors and tech means I don’t need to pay attention.

      The systems in my now old car are roughly 80%. Enough to mostly work, but make me as an experienced driver never trust them. In many situations I find the more stressful than just driving,

      For new phone generation drivers they only care about the tech and don’t have much experience.

      Same bullshit sampled study has BMW drivers for the most DUIs. Make of that what you will about the no turn signal left lane driving owners.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Did they just really like that car shape and decide to stop coming up with new designs?

    I was flipping through the channels the other night, and watched a snippet of some old (~’40s?) movie. A private eye is pumping some old codger for information. Did you see the guy? What was he wearing? et c.

    “What kind of car was he driving?”

    “I haven’t been able to cars apart since 1924. Them new ones all look the same.”

  21. The Late P Brooks

    goddammit

    “I haven’t been able to tell cars apart since 1924. Them new ones all look the same.”

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      I like to ID the cars in old movies. “Look, that’s a ’58 Olds!” “Hey, a DeSoto Firedome!” “That cab is a Hudson.”

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        https://www.imcdb.org (Which I’m sure you knew about…)

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Very cool, thanks! Bookmarked.

      • Rat on a train

        That’s a Ford Pinto.

      • Plinker762

        Didn’t need Miss Cleo to predict that link.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Not fair

    A descendant of Europe’s richest family has reportedly begun a process to adopt his middle-aged gardener, planning to leave him at least half of his roughly €12 billion ($13 billion) fortune.

    Nicolas Puech, 80, a fifth-generation descendant of the founder of French luxury goods company Hermes, wants to cancel a contract that would bequeath his fortune to the Isocrates Foundation, which he founded, and instead make his employee a legal heir.

    Swiss newspapers Tribune de Geneve and 24 heures reported the news earlier this month.

    The charitable foundation is contesting Puech’s plan to cut ties, which it says it learned of only recently. “From a legal point of view, a unilateral cancellation of the contract of inheritance seems void and unfounded,” the organization said in a statement shared with CNN. “The foundation has therefore opposed the cancellation of the contract, while leaving the door open for discussions with its founder.”

    Referring to the Swiss media reports on Puech’s “wish to adopt his employee,” the charity said it wasn’t in a position “to judge or comment (on) this initiative,” adding that it “leaves it to the relevant authorities to decide on this matter.” CNN has contacted the billionaire’s lawyer for comment.

    Established by Puech in 2011 and funded by him since, the Isocrates Foundation supports public interest journalism and civil society organizations working toward a “healthy digital public space,” according to its website.

    ——-

    The inheritance contract between the foundation and Puech, who isn’t known to have children, reportedly provides for his shares in Hermes to be left to the foundation. That is, unless he becomes a father, in which case his child would be entitled to a part of the inheritance, and at least 50% in the case of a son.

    Charity begins at… hey, waitaminnit!

    He should just fire everybody and shut it down.

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      Sounds like a Grass Hut Puech.

  23. Raven Nation

    Re: earlier comments about what youtube allows.

    For the last couple of years, I’ve been using a series of history vids on youtube as homework for my intro-level classes. They’re aimed at high school AP so they work pretty well for college freshmen. Today I was reviewing getting ready for the spring and youtube now requires one to log in to view the World War II episode in order to “confirm your age.” It is considered an “Age-restricted video (based on Community Guidelines). Of course, the WWI vid is open and shows dead bodies everywhere. My only guess is that the WWII vid has Holocaust images. Of course, the same providers European History World War II vid is available without sign in.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That sleazeball heroin addict from SNL that manages to deepdick every hot Hollywood starlet with emotional issues somehow was right about that motherfucker.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    My only guess is that the WWII vid has Holocaust images.

    Swastikas. One look and you’re a goner.

  25. LCDR_Fish

    Once again asking whether anyone can link to a good b&w line image of the glib mascot/symbol as well as a standalone line image of the gadsden snek. Thanks