“I can’t have all this infighting among my staff,” Donald told the three men.
The hat sniggered knowingly and the hair shushed him.
“I’m the bestest President ever. The greatest since Lincoln. Although, I mean, what did Lincoln ever really do? He freed the slaves? Like, big deal, right? Real men free themselves, not wait around on a depressive fag to do it for them.”
“Who knew there was a boxing ring in the White House basement?” the hat asked.
“I did,” the hair said. “I told you to read up on this place. There’s a movie theater, a bowling alley, a regular dungeon, and a fully-outfitted fuck dungeon.”
“All the comforts of home,” the hat said, shivering in delight.
The hat and the hair were riding Donald tonight, a pride of place they both enjoyed. They had even gotten Donald to put on pants and shoes for this august occasion. The Secret Service had abducted Reince and Anthony from their hotels in the middle of the night and when the black hoods had been taken from their heads they had both shrunk back from the ancient incandescent bulbs that lit the underground facility. Steve had been escorted down from the bathtub they found him sleeping in in the White House residence. He was utterly nonplussed at finding himself in a boxing ring in the middle of a humid Washington night. All three had been stripped to the waist, but only Steve had a visible erection.
“You’re going to settle this right now,” Donald told them.
“You want us to fight?” Reince asked. “Like, fight fight? With our fists?”
“And feet and teeth and anything else you want,” Donald replied.
Anthony’s laughter boomed through the high ceilinged room. “I’m going to fuck you up, you little Beltway fairy. And then I’m going to just fuck you.”
“What?” Reince asked. “I don’t want to fight. I’ll just resign. I’ll get my rubber plant out of my office right now and just go.”
“And when they sew your asshole back into something that looks human, I’m going to fuck you again,” Anthony hissed, clacking his huge teeth together menacingly.
“Get away from me, you fucking psycho,” Reince said wildly, backing away.
“And then I’m coming for you, you old, drunken cocksucker,” Anthony told Steve. As his only reply, Steve picked at his hideously deep belly button and then smelled his finger.
“Here are the rules…” Donald said over their posturing, “There are no rules.” Donald laughed at what he thought was a clever joke and the hat groaned.
“Next he’ll say ‘It’s my way or the highway’ like he thought it up himself,” the hair muttered.
“Would you two shut up!” Donald yelled at them.
“Uh, who are you talking to, Mr. President?” Reince asked.
“FIGHT!” Donald screamed.
Anthony launched himself at Reince and the slight man shrieked and ran. Steve shuffled to the middle of the ring as Anthony chased Reince around and around.
“I’m going to fuck your eyes out, little man,” Anthony growled. “I’m going to make you eat my ass and write a song about it!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Reince cried.
“I know you’re the leaker,” Anthony said and leaped at him. He brought the slight man down and punched him repeatedly in the butt crack. “You’ll be a real leaker by the time I’m done!”
“Stop talking about ruining my ass!” Reince cried into the filthy canvas of the boxing ring.
Steve watched them both disinterestedly. He belched.
“Are you crying?” Anthony asked Reince incredulously. “Oh my fucking God, you are fucking cry, you fucking queer faggot.”
Anthony stood and kicked Reince a few times in the side and then climbed up on the ropes on the far side of the ring.
“Oh, fuck,” the hat said excitedly, “Here it fucking comes.”
Anthony jumped from the top rope, screaming, “COCK-BLOCK BODYSLAM!” and landed on Reince, making the entire ring shake.
“Oh, that’s got to fucking hurt!” Donald screamed, turning to a non-existent crowd for an approving roar that wouldn’t come.
Anthony paraded himself around the ring, pinching his nipples and flexing his biceps. Reince pulled himself over to the edge of the ring and fell off the side.
“Take me over there, Donald,” the hat. “I want to fucking spit on that dumb shit.”
Donald to where the little man lay bleeding, coughing weakly, spit and mucus smeared on his face.
“That’s what you get, cunt,” the hat told him. “That’s what you get for working for this Administration. Kick him, Donald.” Donald kicked Reince without much force.
“Harder, Donald,” the hat urged. “I want this pussy puking up his ribs!”
“Would you stop already?” the hair asked.
“No fucking way,” the hat said. “He did a terrible job, like Jeff, and I want him to know it. In fact, why isn’t Jeff here? I want to see that wizened old elf fuck grovel!”
“More fighting!” Donald yelled. “More!”
“You ready, old man?” Anthony asked Steve. “You ready, you fucking bum?” He advanced on Steve, his fists up, trying to dance around like boxers he had seen on pay-per-view.
“Did you read The New Yorker interview? Huh?” Anthony taunted. He feinted a swing at Steve, but Steve didn’t flinch.
“DEATH TO ALL LEAKERS!” Anthony screamed and rushed at Steve.
Steve lashed out, grabbed Anthony by the throat and lifted him up in the air with his tremendous hobo strength.
“How much can you really know about yourself if you’ve never sucked your own cock?” Steve asked quietly.
The hair laughed loudly while Anthony feebly thrashed in Steve’s hand.
“Oh no, he didn’t!” the hat howled.
Steve threw Anthony out of the ring and he landed in an insensate heap.
“Well, I guess we have a winner,” Donald said.
The hat and the hair continued to laugh as Steve climbed out of the ring, collected his bindle from the Secret Service man holding it, and shuffled into the darkened labyrinth of tunnels under the White House.
“How much can you really know about yourself if you’ve never sucked your own cock?”
Thought for the
DayMonth.Superb outing! I’m glad to see perversion levels creeping up as the action intensifies.
You’re the best, SF.
If Steve Bannon can suck his own dick, dude must be part tentacle monster.
That’s not a story suggestion, by the way…
That’s the stuff that really sets the scene. nice
a fully-outfitted fuck dungeon
Installed in 1981. Still has the brass plaque on the door: “Hillary’s Hideaway”.
Fifty shades of Orange
Well, the good news is that I no longer have to spend money on lunch today.
Put “slimming” in the pros section for Glibertarian commenters
AVAILABLE SOON FROM OUR CAFE PRESS SITE!
bumper stickers?
And t-shirts, and posters, and trivets, and panties.
Welcome mats?
Monorail!
“Paddy’s thong, bro!”
Do I really want to meet the gal who wears panties wide enough to read that slogan on?
No. But only because it’s written on the front.
Your panty model?
NSFL & NSFW
Not clicking. Let me guess; major gunt?
Colonel Gunt.
hobo strength.
“Tremendous hobo strength.” That’s the part that hooked me, too.
Though, “wizened old elf fuck grovel,” has got a ring to it.
Better than Cats
Please don’t correct this. I want the Mooch to talk like a badly translated Japanese video game.
“Set up us the testicle bastinado”
Roger.
Because of this and the Wednesday Science Fiction Double Feature, I was compelled to donate.
That “family friendly” rating doesn’t stand a chance with SF on the job. Nicely done.
The family friendly rating is still in place. The good news is Playboy *isn’t* rated as friendly. So it’s not a total scam.
I’m not creative enough to think of a bunch of sites other than Playboy to test.
FYI, Salon and Slate are both marked “Family Friendly”, while cracked.com is marked as not. Make of that what you will.
That website seems to rely almost entirely on input from another website, Web of Trust, which apparently is a user-based rating system to determine appropriateness, so unless any WOT users lurk here, that rating is here to stay. And as the “Family Friendly” company is based in Latvia, I doubt they will bother doing an audit of an obscure American website used primarily by Canadians.
Fantastic! I laughed, I cried, I barfed.
I’m wondering if I can work this into sexitimes without doubling over laughing.
Well, you treat the “doubling over” as part of the set-up.
Your advice is sound and well received.
I dunno about the singing, but I always seem to be the recipient of much laughter when I participate in sexitime.
It’s this kind of friendly, helpful advice that ensured our Family Friendly cert!
I….
How droll.
Get Amy Schumer to play Bannon in the film version.
If they turned this into a movie, it wouldn’t go straight to DVD, it’d go straight to Guantanamo.
Dalmia has moved on from shallow and idiotic musings about immigration to shallow and idiotic musings about global warming. It’s always a good sign when you try to avoid revealing the author’s name as much as possible.
Does she have pictures of Gillespie with a Thai ladyboy or something?
Maybe that picture illustrates the “Libertarian Moment” more vividly than anything else.
Imma say pictures of Gillespie AS a Thai ladyboy.
/Embarrassing because cultural appropriation.
Does she have pictures of Gillespie with a Thai ladyboy or something?
Is that an activity that would be frowned upon on TSTSNBN?
…asking for a friend.
I suppose I should have thrown ‘underage’ in there.
Still not necessarily a deal breaker but here.
“But here” = there.
Aw fuck my comment is all fucked up and my coffee is way too fucking hot to sip. I just want to go for a run.
Or maybe “But here” = butt here?
It’s been so long since I’ve been over there that I’m logged out. This makes me happy.
won’t that be nice
OT: North Korea throws another clay pigeon on what should be the world’s largest skeet range.
Surprising, as I thought they wouldn’t try any more of these or any nuke tests, until they revealed they had a true road-mobile ICBM and they had enough of them to weather any likely US counterforce strike.
OTOH, if we’re now in the world where we have to pay off North Korea to not nuke Seattle, I guess it won’t cost more than what we give Israel and Egypt each year.
If wiki is to be believed, this missile flew for about 45 minutes, or 8 minutes longer than the July 4th test, which was their longest one to date. So, if the July 4th test was of a missile that could’ve flown 6700 km, and if these things go on a 1 to 1, time to distance ratio, then we can expect this missile could have flown (45/37)*6700 km, or ~8200 km.
Ballpark 5,000 miles. Now they can hit Seattle. Yay.
Next stop, a nuke test to demonstrate they can do multi-stage stuff, not that 20-50 kT in Seattle will be much better. As it is, that’d be a public health disaster an order of magnitude greater in deaths than the 1900 Galveston storm, and I think you can kiss the remnants of our Constitutional republic goodbye too if that happens.
Per Dr. Jeffrey Lewis, arms control guy, I may have been overly conservative with the range. Looks like 10,000 km. Which is enough to thump Chicago and Denver, if not quite NYC yet.
Wait? We can get the norks to nuke Seattle?
/stops payment on check
And California’s not that much further. Win/Win?
I don’t like the way I laughed at this.
How’d you laugh? Was it a big belly laugh life Ed McMahon? A “kew, kew” kew” like Sheriff Roscoe P Coltrane? Or more of a coughing wheeze like Muttly? https://youtu.be/3uSTOHa4Im4
More like a modest chuckle
Awesome. I expected Reince to go all Hulk Hogan at the end but you fooled me.
Steve Bannon is apparently the Undertaker without the make-up.
Me thinks all of the Russia stuff isn’t about trump but rather former obama admin trying to outrun their spying scandal
First article is about a whistleblower handing spying info to FBI counsel James baker
https://www.circa.com/story/2017/06/06/did-the-fbi-have-evidence-of-a-breach-larger-than-snowden-a-lawsuit-says-yes
The FBI granted limited immunity if Montgomery turned it over. FBI did nothing
And look here:
https://www.circa.com/story/2017/07/26/politics/james-a-baker-fbi-general-counsel-is-allegedly-under-an-investigation-for-leaking-classified-information-to-the-media
Its worse than that.
The Trump/Russia collusion story was created and supported by Fusion/GPS. Fusion/GPS does a whole lot of work for foreign governments, most definitely including Russia, and is likely violating laws requiring it to register as an agent for foreign governments. Fusion/GPS also does work for the DNC. The DemOp Media relies heavily on Fusion/GPS for a lot of their “stories”, so the DNC, the Russians, and the media are all in bed together. Fusion/GPS gets paid large sums by foreign governments to push or spike stories in the US media. Because the media relies on Fusion/GPS to feed them stories, they will also spike stories when requested, to keep the stories they want coming.
This smells like a actual conspiracy theory, but most to all of what I said above is verifiable information.
And I suspect the FBI was colluding with fusion gps to set up trump jr meeting. The key is how goldstone got hooked up with agents
I suspect this was a ruse for a fisa so they could try and justify their illegal surveillance on going
Given the behavior of all involved, I wouldn’t rule that out. The Obama DOJ desperately wanted to surveil Trump, so this is right in line with their motives and methods.
The Hat and the Hair has been the best diet I could’ve asked for.
I’m not sure whether to thank or curse SF for that.
Rescued
Mr. Bradley said he started thinking about The Atlantic’s path forward two years ago. With the help of “a small group of researchers,” he said, he began last year to identify potential owners for the company. That list included Ms. Powell Jobs, who is the widow of Steven P. Jobs, a co-founder of Apple; she first expressed interest in the company at a meeting in January in Washington.
“What a privilege it is to partner with David Bradley and become a steward of The Atlantic, one of the country’s most important and enduring journalistic institutions,” Ms. Powell Jobs said in a news release. She added: “Emerson Collective is excited to work with David, with his first-rate leadership team, and with his enormously talented staff, to ensure that The Atlantic continues to fulfill its critical mission at this critical time.”
I should say I find the Atlantic to be vastly less imbecilic and objectionable than publications like Salon or the Washington Post.
It comes and goes. Ten years ago it was great — with the huge nod that Sullivan had already gone a substantial distance towards crazy. But Salena Vito is doing bangup work for them right now on Trump’s America that goes beyond what SF calls “Rednecks in the Mist” reporting.
Another day, another attack with no apparent motivation.
Probably a robbery gone wrong, because of racism.
Hey, the Mail did say it may have been robbery. And if not that, then workplace violence or romantic troubles. LOL.
The “the attacker was restrained with minor injuries” part amuses me. I have to say I’d be tempted to start cutting on the guy with his own knife if I was one of the bystanders who got to witness that scene. Especially since Germany will give him, what? 5-10 years prison?
It’s hard to tell who the bigger terrorist is.
On the one hand, we have a guy who stabbed somebody in the supermarket while yelling something about a snack bar. He was subdued by witnesses almost immediately.
As soon as the threat was neutralized, then the police showed up. They locked everything down and pointed machine guns at the already victimized people for several hours. Over a guy with a knife who was already in custody.
Again, I’m not sure who the bigger terrorist is.
also, Hamburg has a cute cop there.
He was just saying hello
But hey, remember when that Christian fundamentalist Timothy McVeigh blew up an orphanage twenty-two years ago? And the Crusades!
Charlie Gard is dead
What a heartbreaker. People always ask me why I am such a staunch libertarian and it’s because of shit like the Gard situation that makes me hate the power of the state.
I’m going to be watching the commentary on this very closely.
We’re in prime mask-slipping territory.
Let the New York Times enlighten you:
“…at what point should the limits of medicine be recognized and the parents of an incurable infant be compelled to let go?
“Biomedical ethicists said the case offered a cautionary tale of how a legal battle, global news media scrutiny and intractable differences between parents and doctors can spiral out of control in the social media age. Both the hospital and the parents in the Gard case dug in, and their arguments played out on Facebook and Twitter….
“The case also spurred questions about the wisdom of offering parents the hope of experimental treatment when faced with an incurable disease….
“”Dominic Wilkinson, a neonatologist and professor of medical ethics at Oxford University, said the Gard case offered a tragic lesson about the risks of doctors offering uncertain hope to desperate parents. At the same time, he said, the case underscored the importance of mediation during a dispute about treatment, noting that the communication breakdown in the Gard case had all the attributes of a “messy divorce.”
““To let a child go is incredibly difficult, but it is also incredibly important,” he said. “It is heartbreaking, but we have to know when to say enough is enough.””
“We” have to know, huh motherfucker?
See, this is what real evil looks like.
experimental treatment when faced with an incurable disease
I’m hearing Jerry Lungardden sputtering that you don’t understand. The disease is incurable. How can a new treatment fix an incurable disease?
Fuck those murderers and their apologists in the NYT.
That’s what I was thinking. How do these people think cures are discovered, if not through experimental treatments?
we have to know when to say enough is enough.
When you are paying for it and don’t want to pay any more. That’s it. That’s the only time when you get to say enough is enough.
The UK needs more guns and more woodchippers, but mostly they need more spine to make use of those things.
This is a perfect example of bureaucratic evil.
Isn’t this a much more optimal outcome than letting them take their child to somewhere that could give him help? /prog
I’m sure the NHS will name a hospital wing after Charlie Gard, in tribute to his service to the State.
After they confiscate the money donated to help him in order to pay for it, of course.
He died for their sins.
From NYT
“Most people won’t ever have to go through what we have been through,” she said. “We’ve had no control over our son’s life and no control over our son’s death.”
But the doctors treating Charlie at Great Ormond Street Hospital in central London countered that the “risk of an unplanned and chaotic end to Charlie’s life” at home was “unthinkable.” For months, the hospital had argued that he had irreversible brain damage, that the life support should be removed and that he should be allowed the right to die with dignity.
“We deeply regret that profound and heartfelt differences between Charlie’s doctors and his parents have played out in court over such a protracted period,” the hospital said in a statement. “We will never do anything that could cause our patients unnecessary and prolonged suffering.”
“If those peons would just acknowledge our superior intellects, none of this would be public knowledge.”
WTF? He’s far too brain damaged to expect to live with anything like normality, but his death could be unplanned and chaotic? Taking his life support out at the hospital is fine, but letting him pass in his family home is not? And the NYT just let that one slip by, huh?
“We will never do anything that could cause our patients unnecessary and prolonged suffering, unless those ungrateful fleabites ignore our holy writ!”
We deeply regret that profound and heartfelt differences between Charlie’s doctors and his parents have played out in court over such a protracted period,
So, they regret that this played in public. Not that Charlie died, not that his parents suffered, none of that. Only their own embarrassment.
And they are so far up their own ass they don’t even realize how disgusting that is.
Dr. Truog of Harvard Medical School said the parents’ legal battle had tapped into the health care debate in the United States, and was being seized upon by some to affirm a money-driven system in which patients who have the means can pursue experimental treatments, even if the chances of success are slim. But he cautioned that experimental treatments must be weighed against the benefits for society as a whole.
What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?
These people are evil
Shit, I missed that one.
I think he’s saying, let the useless eaters die, for the benefit of society.
I think it means that The Anointed should be able to deny you care anywhere, anytime, for any reason, regardless of who pays for it, who provides it, or what the risks and benefits are.
To people like him, you are meat, to be experimented on at their whim.
After they confiscate the money donated to help him in order to pay for it, of course.
Naturlich. Otherwise, his parents will have profited from his suffering, unlike the medical staff of Ormond Street Hospital.
An unspeakably evil outcome.
I saw a tweet that Trump has brought both Priebus and the Mooch on Air Force one today. Probably so they can fight it out. No word on if Bannon is also there. way to be the oracle, SF! lol
Heaven help whoever manages to piss off Mattis first. Their skull will adorn his desk as a warning to the others.
Oh God, Reason’s really pushing the stupid today. Gillespie’s article on “WHYCOME YOU NO LET TRANNIES IN THE MILITARY” is some seriously idiotic stuff.
They again miss the bigger picture here. Progs not in the military (obama admin) were using the military as a social engineering playground for identity politics
Trump is basically stopping this and taking all the heat and cover for the generals. He likes the lightning rod
Mattis said yesterday he wants to go away from training that had nothing to do with their job
we should add 100 new military bases around the world and staff them with trans people.
The Libertarian Moment™!
Compromise: They could be “trans soldiers.” They sit in a treehouse and pretend they’re calling air strikes down against ISIS.
As long as they *identify* as soldiers, what does it matter that they don’t have equipment of soldiers, or that their communications device isn’t connected to anything, or that they’re not actually in Syria?
They could even have special uniforms.
Aaaand, Priebus is officially out. Well played, Sug.