Joemala: Episode 211

by | Feb 21, 2024 | Joemala | 106 comments

 

“You’re sweeping the primaries, Mr. President,” Karine said excitedly, only a little drunk.

“I-I-I am?” Joe asked, “And that’s a good thing, right?”

“We’re headed for the most important election of our lifetimes,” Karine said.

“The most important election of our lifetimes,” Dr. Biden agreed.

“Oh, yes, sir. The most important election of our lifetimes,” Alejandro said.

“No,” Joe cried, pointing at the head of DHS. “Who let him in here?!?”

“Joe,” Jill said calmly and slowly, “That’s Alejandro.”

“No questions!” Joe said, pushing himself away from his desk.”No-no-nnnnn comments!” He slumped to the floor and curled into a fetal ball.

“It’s the border,” Jill told Alejandro, running her hand over the egg-smoothness of his head. “Don’t take it personally.”

“No comments!’ Joe moaned. “Lid. I call a lid. Lid, lid, lid.”

“I’ll go find someone,” Karine said.

“Take your time, dear,” Jill said, waving her from the room.

When the door closed behind Karine, Jill got closer to Alejandro and breathed into his ear, “I thought she would never leave.”

“Ma’am?” Alejandro asked nervously.

“You don’t have to pretend anymore, Allie,” Jill said, her hand landing heavily in his lap and rubbing. “We’re alone now.”

“Your husband is right there,” Alejandro said, swallowing hard.

“A woman has needs,” she said, feeling him stiffening under her ministrations. Her breath smelled like milk and stale roses.

“This is the most important election of our lifetimes,” Jill murmured, swinging her leg clumsily over him, straddling him, the hem of her floral skirt ripping loudly, fabric farting. She grabbed his hands and forced them to her breasts.

“I like Latino men,” Jill said. “They know how to treat a woman like they want to be treated.” There was another loud ripping sound as she tore the gusset from her pantyhose. Her labia splashed into his lap with a dull thud. Alejandro gagged as she moaned and writhed.

“Please, stop,” he said weakly. “I was ordered to keep the border open, I don’t deserve this.”

“Don’t worry about Joe, he’ll be asleep most of the morning,” Jill said, scrabbling at the zipper on his pants like a raccoon climbing a screen door.

He tried to buck her off and she gushed wetly from her mouth and pendulous pudenda.

“He hasn’t had an erection since the last time he showered with Ashley,” she whispered.

“Most important,” Joe whimpered, his feeble voice swallowed by the sound of hogs eating.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

106 Comments

  1. Brochettaward

    Tran-scender
    Tran-scender
    Doo doo doo

  2. Sean

    Eeew.

    • Brochettaward

      I was robbed of my rightful First. AF tech is blasphemous. This is cowardly pony soldier shit. I demand a refund. I want to speak with the manager.

      Where’s Mojeaux?

      • Brochettaward

        Do they even know what this will do the Firstline? Untold repercussions that can never be rectified.

      • Mojeaux

        You rang?

      • Brochettaward

        The site ate two of my Firsts. Those are priceless exertions of my chakra.

      • Sean

        Would you like a jelly baby?

      • Mojeaux

        We only issue site credit, sir.

  3. Fourscore

    They just kept on coming, one after another. When I thought one couldn’t be topped SF proved me wrong.

    Best in Class, SF.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    Her labia splashed into his lap with a dull thud.

    I, uh…

    • WTF

      Yeah…..

  5. kinnath

    Too many to pick a “favorite”.

  6. Grummun

    the sound of hogs eating

    Bravo.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    “He hasn’t had an erection since the last time he showered with Ashley,” she whispered.

    Finnegan locks him out?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Left up in the air: when that last time was.

      🤮

    • Not Adahn

      Finnegan is no dummy.

  8. Fourscore

    I can picture Big Al trying to wiggle out of it defiantly, same as his Congressional appearance

  9. The Other Kevin

    There it is, vintage SF. I can’t pick a favorite line either. Just too many.

  10. cavalier973

    Why does Karine’s Wikipedia article include a sample of her voice?

    • ron73440

      So we can be amazed at her brilliance.

  11. Gustave Lytton

    Becerra and Cardona aren’t swarthy enough for Dr Jill?

  12. ron73440

    Her labia splashed into his lap with a dull thud.

    She should probaby get that checked.

    • ron73440

      *probably*

  13. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    So many good lines. So many bad, bad lines.

  14. Drake

    I’m an interview, Tucker claims that he offered to interview Boris Johnson to let him rebut the Putin interview. Johnson agreed to speak, if he is paid $Million.

    First question – what does he charge for scuttling negotiations and starting a war?

    • Drake

      ‘In’

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        About $20,000. That’s more for the love of the work than the money. Interviews are not as fun as starting wars.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Appeal to magic

    Climate advocates, meanwhile, have pushed back on the reported change — which, according to The New York Times, would not require a sharp spike in EV sales until after 2030 — saying strong rules are important for mitigating climate change and reducing air pollution.

    “There would be severe consequences for the environment, for protecting public health, improving air quality and ensuring that millions of Americans are able to benefit from the savings that driving cleaner cars would result [in],” said Katherine García, director of the Sierra Club’s Clean Transportation for All Campaign.

    We’ll all be riding flying unicorns if we just believe hard enough.

    • Brochettaward

      The benefits are so obvious that people have to be forced to buy them!

    • Necron 99

      My favorite part is where the new, $4 billion Panasonic battery plant in Kansas, requires a coal fired power plant to generate enough energy to produce batteries for EVs.

      • WTF

        Nobody tell them that the EVs run off of coal-fired plants.

      • Sensei

        Hey now! In NJ despite our best efforts to shut it down over 50% of our electric is nuclear.

        I like to say my Tesla is mostly nuclear powered.

      • Drake

        As a kid, people used to talk about the nuclear age. We were going.to keep building better nuke plants, recycle the fuel in breeder reactors, etc. it was going to be clean, cheap, and limitless. Enough that electric cars might even be practical.

        Now that I live in SC, maybe I am in the nuclear age. The state has 6 plants operating a total of 10 reactors.

    • Spartacus

      Why can’t we just have a regulation ordering the planet to lower its CO2 levels? Seems way less complicated.

      • Brochettaward

        Doi you even grift, bro?

      • Pope Jimbo

        Similar to “No Guns Allowed on These Premises” signs?

        Just declare Earth to be a No Carbon Dioxide zone and put up signs.

    • The Other Kevin

      EV’s are the ultimate luxury belief. Mining the metals for the batteries cause tons of environmental damage, the workers are exploited (including the kids who mine the Cobalt), there is no way to recycle the batteries, and charging is done using fossil fuels. But all of that is put out of the minds of the people who drive around the US feeling smug.

    • mindyourbusiness

      Whyizzit that I think some people have wrapped their egos in this issue?

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Shouldn’t that be a squishy plop instead of a dull thud?

    • Tres Cool

      “Her labia splashed into his lap with a dull thud.”

      I..I….uh…ummm

      • LCDR_Fish

        Prosthetics all the way down.

        Just like movie magic.

  17. Aloysious

    the hem of her floral skirt ripping loudly, fabric farting.

    barftastic.

    Her labia splashed into his lap with a dull thud

    barrrf

    I was ordered to keep the border open, I don’t deserve this

    Yes. Yes you do.

    He tried to buck her off and she gushed wetly from her mouth and pendulous pudenda.

    BARF

  18. Spartacus

    “…like a raccoon climbing a screen door.”
    yes indeed.

    • hayeksplosives

      That was my favorite

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Mumbo jumbo

    Bernice A. King, CEO of The King Center and youngest daughter of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., has now partnered with OMBW to call for change.

    “Advancing these everyday issues would not only benefit Black women, but all Americans. That is why we must advocate for systemic change because, in effect, we are creating systems that help cultivate a beloved community and promote a more equitable and inclusive future for generations to come,” King said.

    That certainly clears it all up.

    • Nephilium

      OMBW? Orange Man Bad Women?

      • kinnath

        Google says

        One Million Black Women

      • WTF

        That sounds like a Tyler Perry movie.

      • SugarFree

        But they are all him in drag.

      • Not Adahn

        Office of Managing Black women.

    • Drake

      “systemic change” = endless tribute

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Why can’t we just have a regulation ordering the planet to lower its CO2 levels? Seems way less complicated.

    I think you may be on to something. At the very least, we can revise our methodology for calculating atmospheric CO2. It works for inflation and unemployment.

    • Sean

      Brilliant. You should win an award for that.

    • ron73440

      You should get a grant to study this.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Shrinkmissions.

    • cavalier973

      As soon as they outlaw gas-powered vehicles, this is exactly what they are going to do.

      “Look! It worked!”

      • R.J.

        Just like ObamaCare.

      • ron73440

        They already juice the efficiency ratings of the EV’s.

  21. Dr. Fronkensteen

    And there goes lunch.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    More good news

    The White House will approve a request from a group of Midwest governors to allow year-round sales of gasoline with higher blends of ethanol, but will push the start date into next year, two sources familiar with discussions said.
    The decision will likely be bittersweet for the biofuel industry, which wants to expand sales of corn-based ethanol but might be frustrated by the 2025 start date. The one-year delay could put off any potential localized price spikes and supply issues that the oil industry says could arise from the decision until after the U.S. election, the sources said.

    Under the plan, the administration would grant a 2022 request from the governors of Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, Ohio, South Dakota, and Wisconsin to allow year-round sales of E15, or gasoline with 15% ethanol, starting next year, the sources said. In the meantime, the EPA could issue a temporary waiver enabling such sales as needed.
    Wisconsin and Minnesota are battleground states in this year’s presidential contest in November. Inflation and the economy are key vulnerabilities for President Joe Biden’s re-election campaign.
    ——-

    For years the ethanol industry has pushed to lift the restrictions on E15 sales nationwide, arguing the environmental impacts have been overstated.
    The request from the Midwestern states has been controversial, however, as oil refiners including HF Sinclair Corp (DINO.N), opens new tab and Phillips 66 (PSX.N), opens new tab, have warned that a patchwork approach to approving E15 sales would complicate fuel supply logistics and raise the risk of spot shortages.

    Ethanol groups say they would prefer a nationwide legislative fix to allow for expanded E15 sales, versus the regional approach.

    *muffled incoherent shouting*

    • cavalier973

      So, are auto companies in league with the ethanol lobby, hoping to sell more vehicles as the current ones blow up from bad fuel?

      • Not Adahn

        The Glazier’s Union just happens to attend the same parties as the Rock-Throwing Society, that’s all.

  23. cavalier973

    Now that the House is done impeaching, however, some Senate Democrats are predicting that a snoozer will result from all the hype.

    …

    Senate Democratic leadership has already laid out some plans for the trial. Majority Leader Chuck Schumer’s office said House impeachment managers will present the articles of impeachment to the Senate after this week’s recess. Senators will be sworn in as jurors the next day and Sen. Patty Murray (D-Wash.) will preside over the proceedings.

    https://www.politico.com/live-updates/2024/02/20/congress/mayorkas-trial-could-be-a-snoozer-00142182

    • The Other Kevin

      Don’t even bother to watch it. And stay away from any coverage. You’ll be bored to tears, trust us.

    • cavalier973

      Hannah, however, was created in a lab to make people very angry online, and a bunch of bad decisions began to add up fast.

      • Sensei

        After hitting a deer and totaling her Kia, Hanna decided to replace it with a Jaguar F-Pace. A diesel F-Pace. At the very least, you’ve got to respect the decision to go diesel…Unfortunately for Hannah, she hydroplaned and totaled the F-Pace before she could register it.

    • Sean

      I appreciate a woman who likes to make bad decisions.

      • Nephilium

        You just need her to make a couple more? 🙂

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If that blonde girl at the top is her you know, I think I could talk some financial sense into her. And she likes diesels too, she just needs to learn basic math.

      • R.J.

        She’s only one state over!
        *Starts building cinder block wall around house

  24. Pope Jimbo

    I hope that the wimmen in these stories are smarter than the Minnesoda wimmen. Our gals are chumps (and not too good at math) but, by doG they are gonna have it all!

    Minnesota is a national leader for women’s workforce participation but a gender pay gap persists, according to a new report from researchers at the University of Minnesota.

    The 2024 Status of Women and Girls report, a project collaboration with the Women’s Foundation of Minnesota, shows that women overall — across race and ethnicity — make 81 cents for every dollar a white man makes. The difference in pay is more stark for women of color: Black women make 62 cents and Latino women make 57 cents.

    And affordable child care is out of reach for many. Researchers determined a staggering 94% of Minnesota families spend far more of their paychecks on child care than what the federal government recommends, which is 7% of their income.

    Paying for an infant to go to a child care center costs more than a University of Minnesota in-state tuition, the report said.

    “Sometimes women decide it is just not worth it to enter the workforce because the cost of childcare will outpace the cost of their wages,” she said.

    I’d say that the gals who are smart enough to realize that staying at home with their kids and raising them are the real smart ones in this story.

    • Pope Jimbo

      Dr. Christina Ewig, director for the Center on Women, Gender, and Public Policy at the University of Minnesota who helped lead the project, said one factor is what she called “occupational segregation” — more women are working lower-wage jobs. She testified before the Minnesota Senate jobs committee Monday.

      “We have some jobs that are paid better, some jobs that are paid less and it just so happens that those jobs that are paid better happen to be male-dominated and those that are paid worse are female-dominated,” she said.

      I wonder what the distribution of workplace injuries and death look like? Think those might also happen to be dominated by men too?

      • kinnath

        Jonathon Pie is brilliant even if he is a raging liberal at heart.

      • Brochettaward

        Sh0e has a pretty nice body, if you’ve seen the nudes.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I haven’t. I have always had kind of a little sister parasocial relationship with her so it wasn’t something I ever really looked for.

  25. CPRM

    Nobody ever reads my comments anyway.

    • The Other Kevin

      That is fantastic. If only we had some contributing writers who were Spanish speakers.

    • Sean

      I want to be friends with that hat.

      • R.J.

        In Argentina, the hair tousles YOU!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Oh bravo!

    • kinnath

      Awesome

    • Fourscore

      Ol’ Blue Eyes.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    her response is basically that she’s a good driver. Plus one of the last things she said is that she still wants to upgrade her current Jaguar next year.

    It doesn’t specify the model, but I’d advise putting a 2JZ with a twin turbo setup in it if possible.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    “Sometimes women decide it is just not worth it to enter the workforce because the cost of childcare will outpace the cost of their wages,” she said.

    Whoa.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Dr. Christina Ewig, director for the Center on Women, Gender, and Public Policy at the University of Minnesota who helped lead the project, said one factor is what she called “occupational segregation” — more women are working lower-wage jobs.

    Bank presidents make more than lunch ladies?

    No

    fucking

    way.

  29. cavalier973

    There are several ways to achieve fusion energy, but the most common involves using hydrogen variants as an input fuel and raising temperatures to extraordinarily high levels in a donut-shaped machine, known as a tokamak, to create a plasma, a soup-like state of matter.

    But that plasma needs to be controlled and is highly susceptible to “tearing” and escaping the machine’s powerful magnetic fields that are designed to keep the plasma contained.

    https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/21/climate/nuclear-fusion-ai-climate-solution/index.html

    • cavalier973

      Will it be a problem that AI sometimes just makes stuff up?

    • cavalier973

      Despite the promising progress, fusion energy is a long way from becoming commercially available – well beyond the years that deep, sustained cuts to planet-warming pollution are required to stave off worsening impacts of the climate crisis.

      Scientists say those pollution cuts are required this decade.

      Are these the same scientists who are conducting the experiments?

      • cavalier973

        I bet we could use thorium reactors until we get the nuke fusion reactors working properly.

    • Ownbestenemy

      At least its the right application of machine learning – to discover patterns and address before they arise in this application. Just don’t tell it you’re a white male.

    • hayeksplosives

      Sheared flow stabilized Z pinch is where it’s at.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    But that plasma needs to be controlled and is highly susceptible to “tearing” and escaping the machine’s powerful magnetic fields that are designed to keep the plasma contained.

    That fugitive plasma wouldn’t by any chance be incredibly destructive, would it? You know, if you, like, aimed it at something?

    • The Other Kevin

      That was one of my favorite weapons in Quake II.

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      Do you want to win Olympic matches?

      I shoot Eley club at +/-20 cents a round, haven’t found anything as good at near the price range

      • Not Adahn

        I am a terrible bullseye shooter.

    • pistoffnick

      Fuck I’m old – I remember buying plinking grade .22 for $0.02 per round

  31. The Late P Brooks

    Anyone want to justify .22LR @ $0.38/round?

    Is it self-targetting and silent?