“Nikki Haley is out,” Dr. Biden fumed. “Of course she is. Dumb little jeet cunt. And she said she was going to help us.”
“Unreliable browns,” Hunter said. “And she gives lazy head.”
“Hunter…” she began.
“What? It’s the truth! You’ve got to get in there and suck, suck like you’re trying to turn it inside out.”
“I have an erection,” Joe said suddenly.
“Super Tuesday was yesterday, Daddy,” Hunter said.
“What?” Joe demanded.
“You should be resting, dear,” Dr. Jill said. “I’m writing you a prescription for 20 hours of sleep.”
“You won big on Super Tuesday, Daddy,” Hunter said loudly. “You should be happy. You did great for someone running unopposed.”
“And this, this Nikki, she beat Trump?” Joe asked.
“He’s adorable when he tries to keep up,” Hunter said to Jill. She rolled up the magazine she was reading and hit him a few times with it.
“I feel nothing,” Hunter said. “I’ve got more Percocet in me than a Kentucky Derby winner.”
“Why am I getting messages from someone named ‘Cookie Monster?’” Joe asked, staring intently at the stapler in his hand.
“Cookies!” Jill growled in the Monster’s voice.
“Cookies!” Hunter grumbled. “Coooookies!” He pulled out a much-depleted Cracky and put him in his mouth and let him fall back out while going “NOM NOM NOM!”
“Cookies!” Finnegan said, walking in, her desexualizing sweater three sizes too big. “Coookies!”
“What is happening?!?” Joe cried. “What is happening?!?”
“Super Tuesday cooookies!” Dr. Jill said, miming throwing sweet, precious cookies at her face.
Joe stood, hunched, grimacing, and shuffled toward the bathroom, trying to raise his hands to his ears.
C is for Cookie!
Those one-word lead ins are usually more ominous.
Good enough for me
Cookie Cookie cookie starts with C!
Cookie Monster sings Rammstein:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZeciX-3wfs
She rolled up the magazine she was reading and hit him a few times with it.
As if Hunter was into puppy play.
Spot the Not: Things Joe Biden Has Said About Hunter Biden in the Past
1. We have a lot of bad judgment in my family.
2. My son did nothing wrong.
3. My son Hunter is the smartest, most honest man I know.
4. My son, over 40, just joined the Navy to be sworn in.
5. My son, like a lot of people at home, had a drug problem.
6. He’s overtaking it. He’s fixed it. He’s worked on it. And I’m proud of him. I’m proud of my son.
Without really knowing, I’ll pick #1 since I don’t see him admitting mistakes.
#metoo
Yes #1.
#2?
While the others make a good argument, #1 sounds like something he’d accidentally admit to/ try to humanize his clan.
Number 1.
Sorry, no winners this time. 3 is the Not. The others are from here:
https://www.newsweek.com/everything-joe-biden-has-said-about-hunter-biden-past-1539474
Tough one, because he’s said it, just not that exact quote.
I don’t believe Joe ever said his family has a lot of bad judgement. He never speaks that kind of truth.
I thought 1 was the Not too, but see Newsweek article above.
Ah, as a joke line. Naturally. The asshole.
Re 6: https://www.quotes.net/mquote/41960
Not vetted: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pPAB9HQTn8
“Goats are like mushrooms, because if you shoot a duck, I’m afraid of toasters” ~Joe Biden 2024
OK, he didn’t really say that. But he might any day now.
The only question is if he will use his creepy whisper or shouty old man voice when he does so.
I predict he will say the above in the form of whisper, shout, whisper.
Nah, shout first, then whisper ‘I’m not afraid of roosters’.
Question?
you are fake news.
Joe stood, hunched, grimacing, and shuffled toward the bathroom, trying to raise his hands to his ears.
Final fading flickers of sentience?
Sounds like the end of every “press conference” or media statement he’s done.
Routines are the last thing to go with dementia.
Who would have expected the Cookie Monster to be a government collaborateur? He sold us out for a few crumbs.
The Biden Administration needs to rein in Big Cookie!
***
An individual with dementia may experience mood swings or personality changes. They may become irritable, depressed, fearful, anxious, or more disinhibited. These symptoms may be early signs of dementia, along with loss of short-term memory, poor judgment, paranoia, and difficulty learning new information.
***
***
Connaughton wrote that as a senator, Biden was an “egomaniacal autocrat … determined to manage his staff through fear.”
***
CWAA
My wife is an Occupational Therapist with over 25 years of experience working with geriatrics. She said 2 years ago that Biden was showing obvious signs of dementia, including not only his speech and reactions, but the way he moves.
” irritable, depressed, fearful, anxious, or more disinhibited.”
Is that a problem?
Biden medically cleared without dementia screening: When does memory loss merit cognitive testing?
Call me crazy, but maybe we should start electing people who won’t be quite so likely to have medical issues?
“Biden and his staff say he’s not displaying signs of dementia”
Sounds a lot like, “We investigated ourselves and found no wrongdoing.”
You should see him behind closed doors.
““You should be resting, dear,” Dr. Jill said. “I’m writing you a prescription for 20 hours of sleep.”
Does the good doctor do house calls? Does Nikki do house calls?
/Things I need to know
Thanks, SF, you never let us down
This episode is almost adorable!
Call me paranoid if you want
Beloved “Sesame Street” figure Cookie Monster lashed out at companies hawking their food wares at the same price but with less actual product — a practice known as “shrinkflation.”
“Me hate shrinkflation!” the “Sesame Street” character told his 626,000 fans on X, the platform that used to be known as Twitter, on Monday. “Me cookies are getting smaller.”
It was a sentiment shared by the White House, which responded Monday, “C is for consumers getting ripped off.”
And then President Joe Biden himself, speaking at a White House event Tuesday, embraced his cookie-loving blue pal and called out aggressive, profit-driven food companies.
“I’ll tell you what, I tell you who did notice, Cookie Monster. He pointed out cookies, or his cookies are getting smaller, paying the same price,” Biden said. “I was stunned when I found out that’s what actually happened.”
I think this whole thing might have been staged for the press.
He didn’t just happen to be driving by Sesame Street?
So between Cookie Monster and Biden, who’s the bigger
mpuppet?Both the Cookie Guy and the the other one, this Joe person, are a little behind the curve. Glibs have been on this for a couple years or more.
We’ve got Elmo and Cookie Monster helping out Biden. Why does the CPB exist, again?
To be tools?
And to run cover for PBS (which is a different company entirely).
Pardon the recent repeat:
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/X73sptdmLb0/maxresdefault.jpg
Imagine how stunned he’d be if more people understood why that happened.
Joe has an excuse. It’s not like he does his own grocery shopping.
***
…staring intently at the stapler in his hand.
***
visual aid
Snort.
Snort, swallow, smoke, inject. Hunter has probably done it all.
Speaking of shrinkonomics, Joe could bring down the price of a tank of gas by having the NHTSA require automobile fuel tanks no bigger than 5 gallons. That would have the corollary effect of leveling the playing field, range-wise, with EVs.
“The price of a tank of gas went way down!”
I think you have a future in politics.
CA already beat you to it.
BMW i3 Owners Hack Software to Fit Extra 1/2-Gallon of Gas
https://www.caranddriver.com/news/a15352913/bmw-i3-owners-hack-software-to-fit-extra-12-gallon-of-gas/
I’m really curious how that works.. How can software stop me from filling the tank all the way?
The car fuel pump stops pumping when there is still fuel in the tank. It’s an artificial limit.
So when the level on the float outputs X Volts it shows zero on the gas gauge and stops the fuel pump / ECM from activating the ICE in CA.
At the same X voltage from the fuel level sender in Europe its shows 25% on the gas gauge and you keep pumping fuel or allowing the ECM to run the ICE.
The first time you filled the tank from empty in either CA or the EU it’s going to take 2.4 gallons.
That’s evil, even if it is only a $1.60 wasted, or maybe $2.50 in California.
IIRC, modern fuel pumps are cooled by the gasoline in the tank. If you run the tank completely dry, you can wreck the pump.
Seems more like a prudent engineering decision.
Who the fuck would even want one of those?
Urban commuter. Cramped European cities. They have “main” roads that look like alleys.
I was just in Philly, speaking of narrow streets.
I have no idea how truck drivers manage to maneuver through that.
Yeah. Occasionally we have issues.
When I was at the plant in Camden, I was walking behind it literally on the shores of the Delaware.
I looked down and saw…..a coconut had washed up. Ideas ?
Obviously a swallow carried it by the husk.
Dammit Compelled…
It’s not a question of where he grips it! It’s a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
“her desexualizing sweater three sizes too big”
Anti-Hunter wear?
“I’ve got more Percocet in me than a Kentucky Derby winner.” – hei no making light of animal abuse
We used to ride Romanians around town until you all got all uppity about it.
Only if you couldn’t afford a strapping Irishman.
I need a drink. I read “Romanian” but in my mind it registered as “Romulan”.
Someone has a Romulan he’s willing to ride.
To be fair, when they made Cookie Monster subsist mainly on broccoli, that character ceased to be Cookie Monster. And when Sesame Street got sold to the same company that made The Sopranos and Game of Thrones, it’s a little late to be talking about integrity.
Joe Pesci making fun of Trump on Sesame Street in the 90s:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ05oOZiZOA
That’s great, plus the other one in the sidebar.
Iranian authorities have confiscated the American cargo of an oil tanker seized last year after US-led sanctions prevented the entry of medication into the Islamic republic, the judiciary said Wednesday.
The Marshall Islands-flagged Advantage Sweet was seized in April 2023 while sailing in the Gulf of Oman, a key route for the oil industry.
The vessel, chartered by Chevron Corp, had picked up oil from Kuwait and was bound for Texas before it was seized, an Advantage Tankers spokesperson said at the time.
The Iranian judiciary’s Mizan Online website on Wednesday said a Tehran court “ordered the seizure of the American oil cargo on Advantage Sweet”, with the cargo’s value said to be worth more than $50 million.
https://www.barrons.com/news/iran-seizes-us-cargo-on-oil-tanker-over-sanctions-judiciary-b68825e6
it is god to go properly through the court system for this sort of thing
I’m sure the Iranian Court said it was A-Okay.
in’shallah
Didn’t we seize some yachts and a plane in similar ways? Maybe I’m confused as to the difference.
When we do it, we’re sequestering the assets of dangerous foreign agents.
When they do it, it’s piracy.
They at least went to court?
I’m surprised Joe isn’t ranting about Jason Palmer. (Who I had no idea about.)
Who is Jason Palmer? Biden loses the American Samoa Democratic caucuses to entrepreneur
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/jason-palmer-biden-loses-american-samoa-democratic-caucuses/story?id=107832052
Joe only knows Samoa as a cookie.
And those damn, greedy Girl Scouts have been doing shrinkflation for years now.
Oh yeah!
I wouldn’t go so far as to call a brother fat, I mean he got a weight problem
+ speech impediment
“It’s super important that the next president of the United States be someone who really understands young people,” Palmer said.
Biden does
understandmolests young people, whatever.Somewhere on Twitter someone was slam dunking because Biden won one of the states with 90% yesterday. He’s the incumbent, but still that many people from his own party thought it was worth getting off the couch to vote against him. That’s not a good thing if you’re Biden.
First paragraph should have stated that the loss was 54 to 44 votes. The reporter couldn’t be bothered and instead editorialized by saying it was “inconsequential.”
I have questions:
https://theathletic.com/5318294/2024/03/05/iditarod-musher-kills-moose-race/
Such as — what handgun does one use for moose? Do dogs like moose meat? Does it make good trail rations for them? Is the musher allowed to take any of it with them, or would the weight be too much? Do sled dog packs fight amongst themselves over food, or could you get away with tossing a single hunk out there for them and let them eat in order?
The .88 magnum.
I thought that was primarily for shooting through schools?
Heh
It shoots through schools.
Apparently Road and Track yanked this from their website fairly soon after publication.
The authorette seems like a natural fit for Austin.
I learned more about myself on my trip to Austin than I did about F1.
I don’t know why they pulled it. It fits in fine with their other commie reporting.
(authoress; sorry)
I was using the patronizing diminutive.
Occurred to me.
what handgun does one use for moose?
A big one.
Without having read anything but headlines, I wonder if the moose attacked the dogs. They tend to be quite irritable.
***
On 10 May, 1953, Bella Twin was hunting small game with her partner, Dave Auger, along an oil exploration cutline south of Slave Lake, in Alberta, Canada. She was 63 years old.
They saw a large grizzly bear coming toward them. Wishing to avoid an encounter, they hid off the side of the cut.
But the bear kept coming closer and closer. The bear got so close that Bella Twin thought it less risky to shoot the bear than to not shoot it. It was probably only a few yards away. Some accounts say 30 feet. Perhaps she saw it stop and start to sniff, as if it had caught their scent. We may never know.
She shot at the side of the bears head. Knowing animal anatomy very well (she was an experienced trapper, and had skinned hundreds, perhaps thousands of animals) she knew exactly where to aim to penetrate the skull at its weakest point.
She shot, the bear dropped. It was huge. She went to the bear and fired the rest of the .22 long cartridges that she had, loading the single shot rifle repeatedly, to “pay the insurance” as Peter Hathaway Capstick said. She made sure the bear was dead, and not just stunned. My father taught me the same lesson when I was 13.
Here is a picture of the bear’s skull and the .22 caliber holes in the left side.
***
https://www.ammoland.com/2017/06/bella-twin-the-22-used-to-take-the-1953-world-record-grizzly-and-more/#axzz8TijkOo2c
The reincarnation of Annie Oakley? Oh yeah, it was a bolt-action rifle too.
Should have read the article more carefully. First shot killed it. Even so, incredible marksmanship under pressure.
Did you see how janky the .22 was? She was probably the only person who could shoot the rifle.
Did your sister get bit by one?
Going underground on a top secret mission. Maintaining radio silence. Will be back in a week and a half or so.
Good fortune to you sir.
Thanks
Good luck. We’re all counting on you.
The tide of wokeness has officially broken. People will be coming out of the woodwork to say they opposed it the entire time. Things will be memoryholed and people will ask us to forgive and forget just like after covid.
There’s still a lot of shit in the pipeline coming out still from Hollywood and other institutions that can’t change course fast enough. But tat’s the floodwaters receding.
I sincerely hope so. It is a horrible spectre. I think we have a long way to go to stamp it out completely.
I’ll get my boots.
What makes you say that?
There’s a lot more open criticism of it and the corporations along with people who would deliberately miss the point before jumping on the bandwagon.
The shit is bombing one shitty product after another.
Eh, it might go dormant for a while, like it did in the ’90s. That time, PC culture (as wokeness was called back then) had a pretty obvious killer event — the Clinton/Lewinski scandal which happened during the Dworkin-era “sex between individuals with a power differential is rape” (see also the movie Disclosure).
Did the Bud Light boycott have the effect of disfavoring wokeness now? While woke product failures had been happening well before that, those were always being written off as caused by other deficiencies/audience blaming. Trann Fluid is the first time I remember “we are not buying this because you are woke” being explicit.
But it’ll be back. Victimhood is too yummy.
I would look more towards the movie and television bombs that keep being released as the sign that woke isn’t selling anymore. There’s only so many times you can say that the only reason comic fans aren’t showing up is because their racist sexists who are somehow perfectly fine with characters such as Storm, Miles Morales, Colossus, etc…
Sesame Street was a psyop. – Mexican SharpShooter
According to Dave Chapelle, they put a pimp, a Vietnam Vet, a junkie, and whatever Snufaluffagus was supposed to be on TV.
For children. Its a psyop.
“Hiiii, Berrrrt.”
Dave Chapelle is a national treasure.
Snuffy represented a heroin addict.
The entire cast was on drugs.
When I was a kid, Snuffleupagus was Big Bird’s imaginary friend. AND IT WAS FINE!
Apparently Road and Track yanked this from their website fairly soon after publication.
Hacking my way through it. Seems like a better fit for Vanity Fair.
Given the amount of “me, me, me…I, I, I” in that article, vanity is right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n3mY6Sv–I
Odds are, unfortunately, that the assessment on Joe’s state of the union speech will be called “a tour d’force”, “a marvelous repudiation of extreme Trumpism”, “a clarion call to save democracy”, “sure to cement his presidency as one of the greatest in history” by all the most responsible media.
The articles are probably already written.
Which would make it awesome for him to have an aneurysm right at the end.
Odds are, unfortunately, that the assessment on Joe’s state of the union speech will be called “a tour d’force”, “a marvelous repudiation of extreme Trumpism”, “a clarion call to save democracy”, “sure to cement his presidency as one of the greatest in history” by all the most responsible media.
His selfless devotion to public service is an inspiration to us all.
I finished slogging through that R&T article. I think I need a nap.
I don’t know how you did it. I tapped out quickly.
Good line from the article – yeah, the whole thing was a bit much.
“ people who did the softer drugs in college and like beer that tastes like pine needles.”
Today’s entertainment
https://www.google.com/finance/quote/NYCB:NYSE
Boingy Boingy Boingy!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kRnoauW-ts0
It’s nice to have somebody who can explain the finer points of election law.
This confuses me.
Seems less confused than David French.
DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY
He saw it in Lethal Weapon.
“Cookies!” Finnegan said, walking in, her desexualizing sweater three sizes too big. “Coookies!”
I’m rather happy this is the style today, and that my daughter took to this trend. It also helpful at the gym, because if some gym bunny is dressed like a whore, she’s very likely of age.
Another ’80s throwback? Korea was doing it earlier.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-Ep0N5Eyeg
That is awful.
The technique “modulate up a fifth and add a descant” was a hack move even back in Beethoven’s day.
What the….?
Its gotta be better than North Korea, right?
“ people who did the softer drugs in college and like beer that tastes like pine needles.”
Yeah. There is a brewpub in Livingston with a beer that tastes just like I imagine Pine-Sol would taste if you were dumb enough to drink it.
👆 Retsina.
Finnegan said, walking in, her desexualizing sweater three sizes too big.
But like the Grinch, something might grow three sizes.
This confuses me.
You can’t tell the players without a scorecard.
Did the Bud Light boycott have the effect of disfavoring wokeness now? While woke product failures had been happening well before that, those were always being written off as caused by other deficiencies/audience blaming. Trann Fluid is the first time I remember “we are not buying this because you are woke” being explicit.
Let’s not forget- the Bud Light boycott is two-sided. Red blooded hetero Amurricans on one side, and quiltbags outraged by BUD’s cowardly abandonment of their brave Audrey Hepburn impersonator on the other.
“The government has attempted to dismiss the case several times, arguing that it can’t be sued under the Federal Tort Claims Act since this involves a policy decision. ”
Why not just cry Sovereign Immunity?
“and that he had taken both prescription drugs and drank two beers before his ride.”
I could see that being problematic for the plaintiff.
I gotta say that any time you run into something that is parked, it’s on you. If visibility is low, you go slower to give yourself a better chance of reacting.
“and that he had taken both prescription drugs and drank two beers before his ride.”
Is this the guy who T-boned the helicopter? Those things are mighty hard to see.
Greetings from Vermont. At yesterday’s primary election Nikki Haley got a clear and unmistakable mandate of 50.2% proving that Donald Trump’s political career is finished! Now let me pull a number from my derriere: 99% of those in VT who voted for Haley will vote for whoever the D’s run for president in November.
Vermont has an open primary which I think is a constitutional violation of the Right of Free Association. Accordingly when asked what primary ballot I wanted I requested D. Now, as in all the elections in the last 30 years, my name again has a “D” next to it written down (on two of of the voter rolls) or circled (on the other two).
This year instead of voting for the D’s biggest nutjob I wrote in “Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.” hoping that *any* mention of him will piss of the D’s. Vermont’s own Bernie Sanders is the biggest nutjob of all but I’d vote for him in the D presidential primary if he was allowed to run.
For the general election I’m going to continue my long standing policy and hold my nose and vote for whatever nutjob the L’s nominate. It’s nutjobs all the way down!
Hooray! 🍻
🔩 ⚾️
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