Thursday Afternoon Hastily Compiled Links

by | Mar 28, 2024 | Daily Links | 161 comments

FEDS CURIOUS ABOUT WHO WATCHED CERTAIN YOUTUBE VIDEOS: Via both Mashable (print) and Lehto Law (video) come reports that “In now unsealed court documents reviewed by Forbes, Google was ordered to hand over the names, addresses, telephone numbers, and user activity of Youtube accounts and IP addresses that watched select YouTube videos, part of a larger criminal investigation by federal investigators.” Of course, we are all already on government watchlists.

THE TRAGIC STORY OF NEX BENEDICT: “The media took a deeply traumatized young girl and exploited her suffering for their own political purposes, lying, fabricating, and continuing to twist the story into a narrative they could use to push their own agenda.” Much as was done with Matthew Shepherd.

MANUAL TRANSMISSIONS BAD, EVs GOOD: CNN scolds and lectures about how the stickshift is evil. Notice their fixation on the popularity of the manual transmission among young men. And the Freudian cheap shot. Surprised they didn’t work in “testosterone poisoning.” Also, fuck Paul Hockenos.

SURGE PRICING IS EVIL, EXCEPT WHEN DEMOCRATS DO IT: New York becomes first U.S. city to approve congestion pricing tolls.

There were server issues this afternoon. Due to the limited number of links, the comments are all yours.

About The Author

Tonio

Tonio

Tonio is a Glibs shitposter, linkstar (Thursday PM, yo), author, and editor. He is also a GlibZoom personality and prankster. Tonio is a big fan of pic-a-nic baskets. His hobbies include salmon fishing, territorial displays, dumpster diving, and posing for wildlife photographers.

161 Comments

  1. Common Tater

    *gives Tonio a model 29*

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      29? Pshaw!

      “My Anaconda don’t want ya…”

    • SDF-7

      Yeah — they should stay on OnlyFans!

    • Tonio

      IANAL, but my understanding is that if he’d have told her he was making a porno for his own private use and sign a release form that he’d be covered.

    • The Other Kevin

      Meanwhile no problem with all the sugar daddies out there.

    • SDF-7

      That poor almost certainly messed up kid. (Hormone / nutrient imbalance I have to assume).

    • Fatty Bolger

      That’s weird as fuck even if you take out the transgender part.

    • rhywun

      “Transmilk superior to old-fashioned ladymilk” in 3… 2… 1….

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      Hashtag priorities

      • Nephilium

        I find this song (lyrics NSFW) running through my head a lot these days.

  2. R.J.

    This is a very long day.

    • Nephilium

      Yes it has been.

    • Sean

      It ain’t over yet.

      • SDF-7

        Threat or promise?

      • R.J.

        Observation.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Your new avatar has a Norma Desmond facial expression. “I AM big. It’s the pictures that got small!”

      • Ted S.

        The cat is ready for its close-up?

    • The Other Kevin

      “The account identified as ‘jenniferssecrets’ has 7,900 likes, 1,200 followers, 302 photos and 25 videos as of March 28.”

      For the umpteenth time, not everyone who makes an account on OnlyFans makes a millions dollars a month.

    • Sean

      That’s a nasty 50. Easily could pass for 60+

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        The stress of being the ¡bestest!1!! English teacher must have got to her.

      • Sean

        I was thinking drugs.

      • R C Dean

        Can’t argue with the bod, tho.

  3. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Link to manual transmissions not there. I’ll just speculate they they use some kind of dumbass poppsych phallic Freudian analysis though. Am I right and what did I win?

      • Tonio

        Thanks for pinch-hitting. Also for sitzpinkler. Heh.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Oooh, I’d also memory-left out Sitzpinklers. That’s a fantastic Teutonic expression.

        Will bring back into use. Legit thanks.

    • Tonio

      Fixed!

    • The Other Kevin

      We can’t have people enjoying themselves, especially those icky people.

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      My guess? They’re a clutch GRINDR.

  4. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    The penis, er, the stick shift is evil.

    • SDF-7

      ZARDOZ GIVES YOU THE GIFT OF GUNNING THE ENGINE AT A RED LIGHT, AS WHEN THE WORLD WAS NEW.

  5. SDF-7

    No actual link to CNN (not that I’d follow and watch it, so it doesn’t bother me…) — but everything I’ve been told over the years was that proper usage of a manual transmission was more fuel efficient (and hence eco-friendly) than an automatic. Obviously that doesn’t bring in hybrids, auto engine off instead of idle, EVs, etc…. but also obviously, EVs and hybrids don’t bring in differences in manufacturing, etc….

    • kinnath

      Auto transmission has replaced manual transmission as being more fuel efficient. 20 to 30 years of automotive development contribute to that claim. Note that this development has not made auto transmissions any simpler, longer lived, or easier to maintain.

      • kinnath

        It is not unusual to see 7-speed or even 9-speed transmissions now.

      • Sean

        I have a 9 speed.

      • Tres Cool

        CV doesnt count.

      • SDF-7

        We can’t all be out there shopping for CVEs — sometimes you have to go full on Yorktown class.

      • kinnath

        And auto transmission with paddle shifters can outperform a manual with a clutch.

        And, I don’t fucking care. Give my my 6-speed manual.

      • Nephilium

        I’m content with my automatic that can do a psuedo-“Manual” mode.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        I only drive an auto as my left leg doesn’t work well anymore.

        But, man do I miss the clutch.

      • Tres Cool

        My Ram had a 6-speed manual. I didn’t fully appreciate an automatic in a big truck until I was pulling a 20′ trailer through start/stop rush hour traffic in Indianapolis.

      • Bobarian LMD

        The current Ford Mustang has a 10 speed automatic, which makes it the fastest accelerating Mustang ever made (Not counting Shelby). Still would rather have the 6 speed for the engagement it allows in driving.

  6. kinnath

    Good thing we had the link the CNN idiot on stick shifts yesterday.

    • Tonio

      Ugh. Sorry. It was a busy day for me. I usually go back and check to make sure the link wasn’t used by someone else already but I was rushed already then the server problems hit.

      • kinnath

        I did not mean that to sound like a complaint. It’s no big deal when the morning or afternoon links repeat something that was an earlier thread. There is no way for you guys to keep up with all the stuff we post.

      • Tonio

        No problem.

      • Ted S.

        Kinnath is turned on by the thought of drugs falling out of your ass. :-p

  7. Drake

    Fuck you CNN and your unlinked article. I like my manual and I bet it gets far better mileage than the SUVs your chauffeurs drive.

    • juris imprudent

      Yeah, that’s the what I don’t get – my manual gets better mileage than the automatic, so the rationale of meeting EPA standards is total bullshit.

  8. Derpetologist

    Manual transmissions are the mechanical equivalent of cursive handwriting. There, I said it.

    In other news, I spent a few hours today spamming out my reh-zoomy* to various nearby schools. It worked. My next interview is April 1st. Yay me.

    *I learned this spelling from an Irish headhunter.

    • Sean

      My next interview is April 1st.

      Be sure to play a prank on the interviewer!

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      I thought they spelled it CV.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They make driving slightly less boring and that’s a plus.

      • Sean

        Harder to get road head.

      • Drake

        Best anti-theft device available.

      • Drake

        The rare occasions we’ve done valet parking, we take my wife’s car.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Nope. Best anti-theft is a kickstart only motorcycle.

        Well, until they pick it up and throw it in the back of a truck.

      • Name's BEAM. *James* BEAM.

        Any d00d who can pick up a motorcycle and throw it in the back of a truck will be treated by me with the utmost of respect.

    • R.J.

      This is pleasing. Need more of this.

      • Not Adahn

        He bilks some cryptocurrency speculator bros and gets 25 years while OMB defrauds the People of New York and not a single day in jail?

        #twotieredjusticesystem

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Hi, I’m from MSNBC. We’d like to interview you for an open pundit position we have.

    • Ted S.

      Would that judge rip politicians as the power-obsessed scammers they are?

  9. mikey

    Time for another email Ford begging me to buy one of their EVs
    Prices cut!!
    Elon is letting us use his charging network!!!
    They seem a tad desperate.

    • Sean

      Likely as desperate as the Jeep emails I’ve been getting.

  10. Common Tater

    “LGBTQ activist group ‘Free Mom Hugs’ delivers cease and desist to Moms for Liberty over accusations they are ‘groomers’

    “Free Mom Hugs” claims that comments made by Moms for Liberty’s Tiffany Justice constitute “illegal defamation and harassment.”

    “On or around March 8, 2024, Tiffany Justice posted a picture of a Free Mom Hugs volunteer in a Free Mom Hugs T-Shirt with the caption ‘If you are offering kids “free Mom hugs” but you aren’t their Mom, you might be a Groomer.’ Since this initial posting, at least one other representative from Moms for Liberty made similar false accusations regarding Free Mom Hugs representatives.”

    https://thepostmillennial.com/lgbtq-activist-group-free-mom-hugs-delivers-cease-and-desist-to-moms-for-liberty-over-accusations-they-are-groomers

    LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE

    • Sean

      Tiffany ain’t wrong though.

      • rhywun

        Yes, and where do the millennials get away with this ridiculous claim:

        “made similar false accusations regarding Free Mom Hugs”

        You don’t know that. You’re just opinionizing there, guy.

    • Tonio

      I’d love to see frat boys lining up for those free hugs wearing WSU hoodies.

      • Tres Cool

        Duke LaCrosse.

    • Ted S.

      They might be groomers, or they might not.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        They Might Be Groomers is the worst tribute band ever.

      • Evan from Evansville

        ^^ Boom. This right here. This joke. And reference.

        I’ll take more, please.

  11. kinnath

    Regarding auto vs manual transmissions. I love the advancements in auto transmissions. My 2017 Titan has a 7 speed. It makes towing a trailer much better than my 2014 Xterra with 5 speeds which was way better that the 2006 Xterra with 3 speeds.

    The issue is CVTs replacing manuals in the down market segment of autos. I fucking hate CVTs.

  12. The Other Kevin

    This afternoon Trump went to the wake of that cop that was shot in NYC. While I’m not a fan of standing on dead bodies, I would say this was well done by Trump.
    1. Apparently the family was fine with it, he did spend time with them. And they asked the local politicians who support defunding the police to stay away.
    2. He rolled up, went into the building for a while, make a few minute speech, and left.
    3. The speech was subdued, he talked mostly about the family and how this was unacceptable. He didn’t make it about himself, his dead son, a kitchen fire, or the end of democracy.
    4. There is definitely a stark contrast between this and Biden’s $25 million circle jerk with Obama and Clinton.

    • Urthona

      Yes. This was weirdly competent and shrewd I thought.

      • The Other Kevin

        It was not tacky and I think a good move.

        I do have a related story. We have a close friend who works for the fed gov, and during the Trump admin she had a stillborn baby. Her agency wanted to give her just a few days bereavement instead of maternity leave. The justification was that maternity leave was for bonding with a baby. We thought that was pretty cold. But they do have a program where co-workers can donate time off, and many of them did. She wrote to all our congresscritters and to Trump about it. She got back a nice letter sending condolences and promises that his staff will look into it, and it was signed by Trump. And sure enough, they did end up changing the policy. So yes he can be an asshole, but can be a genuine person at times like this.

      • Compelled Speechless

        At the end of the day, it’s still standing on the dead bodies. Not like there’s anyone I can vote for that won’t enthusiastically do it though.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        I think he’s perfectly capable of being polite and charming. You probably don’t get to where he is without that ability.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Yeah I saw that, I thought of the same word to describe it – subdued.

    • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

      One of the main, in my eyes, reasons that Trump did so well in 2016 is he didn’t play their game, but, rather, played his own. He rewrote the rules, and really only fucked up when he tried to do things “the way you are supposed too” IE play by their rules. They own that game, so of course they want you to play, as they know how to win.

    • rhywun

      a stark contrast between this and Biden’s $25 million circle jerk with Obama and Clinton

      The Dems (for example, that horrible woman who appears on The Five with Gutfeld et. al) who are tickled at the pay-for-play money laundering outfit that he, his family, half of Hollywood, and other world elites are operating out in the open are a disgusting species of sub-human if you ask me.

      Same cast of characters from 2020 and we’re supposed to believe that showing that asshole with more millions is going not make any of the numerous problems he has caused even worse? Yeah OK.

  13. UnCivilServant

    Does anyone have a list of which videos triggered the feds?

    • The Other Kevin

      From the article, it was something about mapping using drones that was put up by the feds themselves. I’m not super clear on it myself.

      • kinnath

        Shit. That was one of the first viable commercial uses of drones.

      • Fatty Bolger

        I like the one with the major traffic jam. Arrival times must have been impacted by seconds.

      • Tonio

        The facts are muddled. I should have checked out the Forbes link but I can’t remember whether they are paywalled.

      • Ted S.

        They’ve got enough ad stuff to kill most browsers.

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        The fed sent targeted video suggestions to someone they needed to uncover.. they hoped that the person in question would watch the video via an unprotected system so they can link identities.. I will bet that it was also marked 18+ so it required a login.

        Remember that Dread Pirate Roberts was uncovered by a single IP/username mixing at the beginning of his career. In this game you only have to mess up once.. They can be patient.

    • The Other Kevin

      And as soon as I posted that, I thought of a smart ass comment about the videos being swimsuit hauls and something about rays of sunshine.

    • bacon-magic

      Look back at the ones you watched. 90% of them.

      • UnCivilServant

        What’s phylogeny got to do with the Feds?

      • bacon-magic

        They thought it was a typo: polygamy.

    • Compelled Speechless

      Whatever their criteria for flagging videos started out as, the list of videos and thus wrong thinkers who watch will inevitably grow…..and grow…..and grow.

  14. juris imprudent

    Brutal

    “President Trump will be honoring the life and legacy of Officer Diller, and paying respects to his family, friends, and the NYPD for their terrible loss,” Trump campaign communications director Steven Cheung said in a statement to ABC News. “Meanwhile, the Three Stooges — Biden, Obama, and Clinton — will be at a glitzy fundraiser in the city with their elitist, out-of-touch celebrity benefactors.”

  15. juris imprudent

    The Bee really does love us – us Glibs. Really.

    Carson was hired at local brewery High West Beer to come up with clever puns for new drinks. Ten minutes into his new gig, Mark had named over 12 new beers, drawing on his years of dad-joke-making to christen each beverage with a creative, catchy, punny moniker.

    • Grumbletarian

      Beauty And The Yeast

      Ima pass on this one.

  16. Tres Cool

    Editor’s Note: Paul Hockenos is a Berlin-based writer focusing on renewable energy in Europe.

    …thats about all I needed to really read

    • The Other Kevin

      Junk fees, junk insurance. How about we get rid of that junk president?

    • Fatty Bolger

      That’s infuriating.

    • SDF-7

      Reminds me of this story… don’t remember if it was already linked here (I strongly suspect it was… but oh well, drugs… butt… ).

    • whiz

      Affordable Care Act supporters fear that short-term plans may draw younger, healthier people away from Obamacare policies since these folks are more likely to be attracted to minimalist coverage. That could leave a larger share of older, sicker Americans in marketplace plans, which could prompt premium increases.

      The real reason, they want younger people to subsidize older ones.

    • Tres Cool

      I could listen to that guy for hours and Im not sure why.

  17. Tres Cool

    “Duke University researchers help transgender woman, 50, breastfeed her GRANDCHILD using experimental hormone drugs so she could feel what it’s like to be a real mom ”

    You want a really fucked-up family?
    Thats how you make one.

    • Nephilium

      I was expecting either this song, or this South Park clip.

  18. Tres Cool

    Once he makes up his mind on the replacement, I get to inherit Tres Sr’s……2004 Chevy Tracker.

    5-speed manual.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Fucking cunt server error.

    There wasn’t even a link in that comment.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    Also, fuck Paul Hockenos.

    Eeeeewwwwwww.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Just back from the grocery store. There was a young woman there, a wisp of a thing, with the most adorable little round bottom I have seen in a long time.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    I’ll give it another shot. “Certain youtube videos” so horrifying and despicable as to defy description, apparently.

    • R.J.

      Steel Panther videos?

  23. The Late P Brooks

    The issue is CVTs replacing manuals in the down market segment of autos. I fucking hate CVTs.

    Replace every 40,000 miles as routine service.

    • Sensei

      Well you do have new transmission fluid when you have a new transmission…

  24. Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

    Today in ZWAK news: Insomnia, so I finished up a piece for this joint, finally fell back asleep at 5am, then got up at 6:30am. Went and got my head and face trimmed for the first time in a month, came home only to find a jury summons. So I ordered a new laptop.

    Is it weird to be excited about jury duty?

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Chevy Tracker- is that like a Suzuki Samurai?

    • Tres Cool

      No. The Samurai was its own thing.
      I think the Tracker is the same thing as a Vitara.

      • Unreconstructed

        I don’t know about the Vitara, but I’m pretty he Tracker was originally a Geo model that Chevy picked up when they bought that company/brand/whatever it was.

      • Tres Cool

        You would be correct. The engine and drivetrain is all suzuki tho.

      • R.J.

        Geo was Suzuki. The Suzuki Vitara was the Samurai’s younger, fatter brother who never exercised.

      • Tres Cool

        Buddha ?

  26. The Late P Brooks

    “I was looking down, and I was looking at my phone, and, like, texting, and then out of nowhere this man just came up and hit me in the face,” she said in a video posted to TikTok.

    Fake.

    I have it on good authority crime in New York is virtually nonexistent.

  27. Ted S.

    Local TV news ran an ad from some human scum lawyers advertising for plaintiffs to sue social media companies for addicting the would-be plaintiffs. Fuck the lawyers and the would-be plaintiffs.

    More humorously, this being the Albany TV market, the top story on the news was a camera focused on the runway at Albany Airport waiting for the plane carrying Caitlyn Clark.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Charging ahead

    The Biden administration says the federal charging program is on track. Several states, including Maine, Vermont and Colorado, are expected to open public charging stations later this year, while more than a dozen others have awarded contracts for projects or broken ground.

    “We are building this national framework from scratch, partnering with states to set plans, and we want to make sure we are taking appropriate care to set this program up correctly,″ Federal Highway Administrator Shailen Bhatt said in an interview.

    “The first two years were about getting the rules right, getting the plans in place,” Bhatt said. “And now what you’re going to see is this year being about the chargers coming online.”

    As part of the national charging station rollout, the Biden administration awarded $623 million in grants to states, local governments and tribes in January. The grants will fund 47 EV charging stations and related projects in 22 states and Puerto Rico, including 7,500 charging ports.

    Ten-million-plus per charging station? This will indeed be a Great Leap Forward.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    “We’re committed to making sure that all Americans can charge (their EVs) where they live, work, shop, play, pray,″ said Gabe Klein, director of the Joint Office of Energy and Transportation, which runs the federal charging program.

    We’re not here to make money. We’re here to spend it.

    • Sean

      A charger for every parking spot.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    They also serve who sit and wait in snarled traffic and barricaded sidewalks

    Gridlock is expected in Midtown on Thursday as President Joe Biden and three former presidents visit the city at the same time.

    Former President Barack Obama and Former President Bill Clinton will also be in attendance for Biden’s sold-out fundraiser. This event is set to bring together more than three decades of Democratic leadership.

    Officials tightened security and closed streets, which will likely cause heavy traffic throughout the area.

    The official NYPD closures include 49th, 50th and 51st streets closed to traffic between Fifth and Sixth avenues. Pedestrian traffic will be limited in the area too.

    For some who just work in the neighborhood it makes things a little more difficult.

    Will there be a $1,500 pay per view option for the home audience?

    • The Gunslinger

      Slick Willie has not been president for more than 2 decades and he’s younger than Joe Biden. Heard that nugget on the radio today.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    “But the party doesn’t stop there,” according to the campaign. First Lady Jill Biden and DJ D-Nice are hosting an after-party at Radio City Music Hall with 500 guests

    How lovely.

  32. Tres Cool

    “Derpy only prank in game of life…”

    It took a bit to sink in (Im doing something else).

    Well done.

    • Don escaped Texas

      you near CVG next week ?

      • Tres Cool

        Maybe? Depends on NewJob®
        I have a start date later in April but Ive made myself available to them sooner.
        You hanging out in Cincy ?

      • Tres Cool

        Noted.

  33. Mojeaux

    Royals: Give us a new stadium or we’ll go to [insert randotown here]

    Jackson County: Okay.

    Chiefs: If you don’t get the Royals out of our parking lot, we’ll go to Kansas.

    Missouri metro area: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    Me: Okay.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Oakland will soon have a spot for another KC baseball team.

    • Nephilium

      Locally the Browns are looking to either build a new stadium or renovate the existing one. The team owners bought a big chunk of land in one of the nearby suburbs, and said they were considering using that to build a new stadium. This has caused the local media to go into an idiotic frenzy.

    • Sensei

      Enjoy the obligatory mask too.

      • R.J.

        He is a great guy. I remember he did a video for Jalopnik once, talking about himself. One zinger:
        “My fellow writers prefer to out a lot of socialism in every article. I just like to put in a smidge.”

  34. Evan from Evansville

    Ev’s FB post to world as I went to confront work and the meeting after. I stand by it:
    Cubs just opened the Rangers, defending champs. Just got home from work meeting. Baseball is wonderfully therapeutic: Positive Distraction Dust (of no consequence.) Everyone gets it somewhere. Sports provide a (nearly) non-violent way for social primates to learn the social part. Cooperation matters. Best to learn w conflict attached. [It] Comes up.

    Getting Craig Counsell as manager was crucial; I suspect to our great benefit. (Yes. *Our*) Plus Bellinger again and Imanaga+? Evan is vocally confident. 🙂 Prediction: NL Division Champs.

    I hope y’all are well.

  35. Evan from Evansville

    EVs GOOD indeed. Better than I thought I’d be. Cubs up 1-0 after a Morel triple and Swanson sac fly. Me likey. Thanks.