Emergency Post

by | Apr 17, 2024 | I Am Lame | 121 comments

An urgent appeal for content! New Glibs, here is your chance!ย  Post that amazing Glibertarian article. Otherwise, I will continue to spew random thoughts on a page. Don’t let me get away with it!

I was thinking of Don Rickles the other day.ย  Did you know Jack Kirby drew him an entire story in Jimmy Olsen’s comic book? That’s right, Don Rickles is officially part of Superman canon.ย  ย This is one of my favorite stories from Rickles:

โ€œSinatra was headlining at the Sands, and I was with this girl having dinner in the lounge. She wasnโ€™t anybody I would bring home to my mother, but I really wanted to score big. Frank was in the lounge at his table with Lena Horne and some other celebrities and all his security guards. And my date says, โ€˜My God, thereโ€™s Frank Sinatra! Do you know him?โ€™

โ€œI said, โ€˜Sure, heโ€™s a friend of mine.โ€™ Which he was. But I made it sound like my whole life. โ€˜Weโ€™re like brothers!โ€™ She didnโ€™t believe me. So I said, โ€˜Wait here, sweetheart,โ€™ and I went over to Frankโ€™s table. โ€˜What do you want, Bullethead?โ€™ he said. That was his nickname for me. I told him I was trying to impress this girl and would he do me a very big favor and come over and just say hello. He said, โ€˜For you, Bullethead, Iโ€™ll do it.’โ€

โ€œFive minutes later, Sinatra strolled over and said, โ€˜Don, how the hell are you?โ€™

โ€œAnd I looked up and replied, โ€˜Not now, Frank. Canโ€™t you see Iโ€™m with somebody?’โ€

About The Author

R.J.

R.J.

Hello. My name is R.J. I am a Tulpa with extra cheese and sour cream.

121 Comments

  1. cavalier973

    I heard that joke, but as an urban legend involving Bill Gates.

    • Ted S.

      Sinatra really helped make Rickles’ career. When Rickles was starting in stand-up, Sinatra had just made a film called The Pride and the Passion with him, Cary Grant, and Sophia Loren all miscast trying to get a cannon to Spanish anti-Napoleon rebels during the Peninsular War. The film was a dud (and confirmed Grant’s aversion to period pieces although he at leas got to play a Brit and not a Spaniard), and all of the main players knew it wasn’t their best work.

      Anyhow, not long after, Rickles was performing at one of the Miami nightclubs and saw Sinatra at one of his performances. So he pointed out Sinatra to the audiences and said something to the effect of, “I just saw The Pride and the Passion. I thought the cannon gave an excellent performance!”

      Sinatra not only had a good laugh, he decided to tell his celebrity friends they should go to Rickles’ show and let him zing them to show what good sports they were.

      • Chafed

        Sinatra’s public persona and private persona were quite different.

  2. cavalier973

    Have you heard of the Crown Stewart and Bailiff of the Chiltern Hundreds?โ€
    It is an imaginary post in Great Britain that allows Members of Parliament to retire.

    • R.J.

      I have not. I can only dream of retirement. The agony!

    • Raven Nation

      Also, Crown Stewart and Bailiff of the Manor of the North.

      • Homple

        The Canadian Parliament has an official called The Usher of the Black Rod. Maybe somebody here has the talent to build a story around that title and provide some of the badly needed content.

  3. Derpetologist

    a re-run from my archives:

    Spot the Not: Famous wrong predictions

    1. This “telephone” has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.

    2. Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.

    3. Electricity is merely a scientific curiosity; it has no practical applications.

    4. I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

    5. Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.

    6. The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon.

    7. I do not believe the introduction of motor-cars will ever affect the riding of horses.

    8. Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

    • cavalier973

      My guess is #7

      • Derpetologist

        I’ve forgotten myself which one is The Not. I wrote this one back in 2015 and posted it first at The Before Place.

      • R.J.

        I believe #7 to be true.

      • Homple

        Our Regime is working hard to make #7 true, I’ll give you that.

      • prolefeed

        #6, by process of elimination.

      • R.J.

        I agree. I think it is #3, unless someone proves otherwise. Also Derpy has to go sit in the alligator pond for an hour for forgetting his answer key.

      • whiz

        After DDGing all 8 sentences, only #3 did not come up with an attribution or at least a discussion of an incorrect attribution. So it seems likely to be #3.

      • R.J.

        “The abdomen, the chest and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon,” announced Sir John Eric Erichsen, a British doctor appointed Surgeon Extraordinary to Queen Victoria, in 1873. ”
        We must keep trying.

      • Zwak says the real is not governable, but self-governing.

        Shouldn’t that be #2 then?

        I will see myself out.

      • R.J.

        True statement:

        Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau is a statement made by Irving Fisher, a prominent Yale economist, on October 15, 1929.

        A Krugman for the Great Depression.

      • Chafed

        Ha! Way too true.

      • Fourscore

        My guess too is #6. I’ve been wrong before and never take it personally

    • R.J.

      #8 is true.

    • Derpetologist

      Here’s where I got the reals: https://www.columbia.edu/~xs23/reject.htm

      I’m pretty sure I wrote #3, which is not on the list above. Thus, it is the not.

      RJ gets half credit for guessing #3 and minus half credit for cheating.

      Can I come out of the alligator pond now?

      • UnCivilServant

        Only if I get a half point for it being my second guess.

      • R.J.

        Agreed. You were really the first person to get it right.

      • R.J.

        Of course.

      • Raven Nation

        “guitar groups are on the way out…the Beatles have no future in show business”

        Decca Record executives; rejecting Beatles contract; February, 1962.

    • Urthona

      Who made the quotes originally is also of some interest to me.

      • whiz

        1. A Western Union internal memo
        2. Irving Fisher, 1929 (before the crash, natch)
        4. Thomas Watson, 1943, although there is some dispute that he actually said it. A 1965 Der Spiegel article attributes it to him.
        5. Ferninand Foch, 1911
        6. John Eric Erichsen, 1873
        7. Mr, Scott-Montague, MP, 1903
        8. Pierre Pachet, 1872

  4. R.J.

    #5 is definitely true.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’ve heard most of them.

    • R.J.

      They bought a nice house. Converts to almost 3,000 square feet.

      “The family has been busy in recent months, but mbl.is reported last spring that Annie Mist and Frederik had bought a 271 sq meter house in Garรฐabรฆr.”

      • UnCivilServant

        Now is this one of those measurements which includes the lot, or a US measurement which is the interior floorspace?

      • R.J.

        No idea.

    • Derpetologist

      I’m pretty sure Secret Service member George Hickey accidentally fired the shot which hit JFK in the head. That would explain why the Secret Service insisted on a hasty autopsy in secret whereby JFK’s brain went missing. Hickey was a driver and a mechanic, but he was roped into the protective detail because the regular guys were all hungover from partying the night before.

      I wrote about other such SNAFUs on my blog:

      https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2014/03/is-secret-service-worthless.html

      • cavalier973

        The very best video Iโ€™ve seen concerning the JFK assassination was done by the History Channel, and was in two parts.

        The first part was exclusively news footage. No commentary or dramatic music; just raw footage. You get to see a young Dan Rather start his broadcast prior to the assassination; he was talking about Kennedyโ€™s visit to Texas. He starts talking, messes up, and calls for a redo.

        The second part is video of how the assassination was handled culturally. There is a Saturday Night Live bit recreating the shooting of Oswald by Jack Ruby, but instead of a gun, itโ€™s Dan Ackroyd shoving a pie into โ€œOswaldโ€™sโ€ face.

        The videos are no longer on YouTube.

      • Pine_Tree

        The notion of somebody on “the Grassy Knoll” has always sounded silly to me. The main reason is that it’s so approachable from the rear. No shooter would want a position that was wide open from behind, with very high likelihood of others being there. Not sure what I thick of the Hickey theory. I’m familiar enough with it but haven’t read the whole thing enough to decide what I really think about the weak points.

  5. DEG

    โ€œAnd I looked up and replied, โ€˜Not now, Frank. Canโ€™t you see Iโ€™m with somebody?โ€™โ€

    • R.J.

      Only Rickles could pull that off. We need a Rickles nowadays.

      • DEG

        Yes

      • Fourscore

        I sent in a submission last week, no word back from Tonio. (Tonio is my go to person and translates my stuff to readable English)

        Got another one in my head but need to formalize it.

  6. Mojeaux

    Me: * … transcribing along (as one does) … *

    Cancer Doc: I think they should build a nuclear power plant in my back yard and I’ll be happy.

    Patient: Nervous laugh.

      • Mojeaux

        That wasn’t my first thought (“ZOMG HE’S A LIBERTARIAN!”), but it’s totally believable.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      That was some impressive technobabble Dude should write for Star Trek Discovery.

    • Derpetologist

      +1 turboencabulator

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXJKdh1KZ0w

      I can’t find it, but it’s a sci fi story called something like Encounter at Pangar-9. It has some top notch technobabble.

    • cavalier973

      I imagine in the caveman days, one caveman would mutter, โ€œfireโ€, and then the other cavemen would reply, โ€œthatโ€™s some interesting technobabble youโ€™re spouting, Grudd.โ€

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        That would be a serviceable Kids In the Hall skit.

  7. cavalier973

    Check your food products for โ€œacheta proteinโ€. Itโ€™s powder made from crickets.

  8. Stinky Wizzleteats

    โ€œAn urgent appeal for content!โ€
    Iโ€™ve been waiting for this, an article centered around captioned dickpics taken from various unusual angles incoming.

  9. cavalier973

    If youโ€™re bored, check out โ€œFrank James, 16 Personalitiesโ€ on YouTube. It helps if you buy into the whole Myers-Briggs personality thing, and happen to โ€œknowโ€ your โ€œpersonality typeโ€.

    He also does stuff, like, โ€œIf airlines were peopleโ€.

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      His INTJs make me feel seen

    • The Last American Hero

      3 of my 4 Myers Briggs scores were close to the middle. So depending on the day of the week, I could be any one of 12 different profiles.

      It’s shit.

  10. cavalier973

    Did you see the story about the Christian menโ€™s conference that hired a male stripper?

    Of course, that isnโ€™t *exactly* what happenedโ€ฆ

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Saw it in passing, the sword swallower you mean?

      • cavalier973

        Yeah. He ripped off his shirt, licked the sword, swallowed the sword up to the hilt, climbed up a pole, then climbed back down the pole head-first, swung down, and removed the sword.
        A guest speaker named Mark Driscoll grabbed a microphone and hinted that everyone was engaging in a pagan ritual, and he was asked to leave.

        Thatโ€™s right; Mark Driscoll, the โ€œcussing pastorโ€.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        This is Goddamn blasphemy!!
        He was right too.

    • trshmnstr

      Yeah , I saw it. I’m of two minds. First off, that has no place at a Bible conference, regardless of whether he’s a stripper or a carnie. Half naked dudes climbing stripper poles in a house of worship? The word sacrilege comes to mind. On the other hand, Driscoll is one for finding every opportunity to gin up controversy. He has a lot of good and challenging things to say, but in this case he did the rhetorical equivalent of stripping off his shirt and swallowing the sword.

  11. Sensei

    After seeing several of her peers get shit canned for trying to not take a position it would appear Columbiaโ€™s President has been well advised. However, the inmates still completely run the asylum.

    Columbia University president quizzed on woke words like โ€˜folxโ€™ โ€” suggests staffers โ€˜donโ€™t know how to spellโ€™

    โ€œLet me read to you how โ€˜Ashkenormativityโ€™ is defined,โ€ Banks broke in, reading out the glossaryโ€™ definition that it is โ€œa system of oppression that favors white Jewish โ€˜folx,โ€™ based on the assumption that all Jewish โ€˜folxโ€™ are Ashkenazi, or from Western Europe.โ€

    โ€œIs that appropriate?โ€ the lawmaker asked, leaving Shafik struggling for words. โ€œIt is handed out to your students.โ€

    โ€œIโ€™m not familiar with that term,โ€ Shafik replied when asked about the term โ€œAshkenormativity.โ€
    โ€œI donโ€™t agree with it. I donโ€™t think itโ€™s very useful,โ€ she conceded. โ€œI donโ€™t condone it.โ€

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Drip, drip, drip goes the credibility.

      I wonder how long it will be before the Ivies & near-Ivies are looked at in lower regard than strip mall tech academies?

    • cavalier973

      Sounds like people at Columbia university have retardonormativity.

      • Chafed

        In spades

  12. Derpetologist

    Another round for the night owls, as I’m heading to bed soon.

    Spot the Not: the real people who were the basis for James Bond

    1. The MI6 head of station in Paris, he would regularly dine at Maxim’s; he drove an armor-plated Rolls-Royce and dressed in handmade suits and Cartier cufflinks. He was a bon viveur who enjoyed attractive women and fast cars.

    2. He spent much of the Second World War behind enemy lines in Yugoslavia. He survived assassination attempts and single-handedly blew up an Italian ship.

    3. He became a fighter pilot in WWI by cheating on an eye exam. An expert card player, he made a fortune in Monte Carlo in the 1930s. During WW2, he used his own yacht to rescue British soldiers who were trapped at Dunkirk.

    4. He ran away from his wealthy family at an early age to go to Canada where he worked as a trapper and professional boxer. At the outbreak of war, he worked in then-neutral Bucharest where he killed two German agents who were trying to assassinate him.

    5. He was a distinguished British Secret Intelligence Officer, decorated army officer, skier, mountaineer, linguist, traveler and artist. He was also a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. His MI6 code name was C.

    6. He was a British field agent. His missions for the SOE involved him parachuting multiple times in enemy occupied France, having dinner with Nazis, the use of disguises, being captured and interrogated by the Gestapo before escaping, shooting an enemy agent, as well as having relationships with different women.

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      Having read Operation Mincemeat, I ought to know this.

    • cyto

      Spot the Not, part B

      1. My grandfather was eaten by cannibals.
      2. That is what I thought about when Trump refused to go to the WWII memorial and called our soldiers losers.
      3. I made it clear to the Israeli’s, “Don’t move on Haifa!”

      • J. Frank Parnell

        I’ll go with 3.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Bah, 3 on the James Bond one.

        For the Biden one, I’ll go with 1 – it was his uncle, not his grandfather.

      • cyto

        Pretty amazing.

        Trump typos “coffee” and the entire press corps loses their minds (still). Biden managed all of that in 24 hours and it doesn’t even get a mention on the major news outlets.

    • Derpetologist

      The reals are from here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inspirations_for_James_Bond

      1. Wilfred (Biffy) Dunderdale
      2. Duane Hudson
      3. ?
      4. Michael Mason
      6. Forest Yeo-Thomas and Porfirio Rubirosa

      I’m pretty sure #5 is the not. Every guy on the list linked above is interesting.

  13. Brochettaward

    The little boy asked if I was scared of the giant, monstrous seconder put before me. I told him no. He said he would be. And that, I told him, is why no one will remember him.

    • The Hyperbole

      A decorated firster came up to me the other day with tears in his eyes and he said “Sir, I want you to know what an inspiration you are to me.”

      • Brochettaward

        A crippled retard I could believe.

      • The Hyperbole

        I’m building an addition for a crippled retard, Larry, great guy . A better man than any firster I’ve ever known.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        What, no love for Moe, Curly, Daryl, and his other brother Daryl?

  14. pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    On pistoffnick’s farm:

    Of the (10) 2-3 year old ISA Brown hens we bought ($5/piece), 9 survived. 1 drowned in the watering bucket, I mean, come on!, how stupid do you have to be to drown yourself?

    We bought 6 Beilefelder chicks from a local guy. Every one either drowned itself or just died. The lure of 260 eggs per year might have been too much. Might try Beilefelder chicks after more than a few days old.

    We are getting 9-12 eggs per day from our current flock of ISA Browns, Brahmas, and Polish. The ISA Brown’s eggs are HUGE. We charge $4/dozen.

    9 HP rear tine Garden tiller reserved for this Friday. I took the day off from work. Last year’s chicken coop clean out has been spread over the garden. Last year’s compost bin has been also spread.

    Love is in the air for the wild turkeys. We had 5 toms chase off 1 tom last weekend. Wild turkey tom season opened April 17th, so if they come back….turkey sausage for pistoffnick.

    • Chafed

      I don’t get it. Why are so many drowning?

      • cavalier973

        They obviously attended Columbia Umiversity.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Sadly the eggs we were getting that were close to YF14 are now pale watery yellow like every other supplier. Very disappointed.

    • robodruid

      Are you using a waterer? chicks get wet and cant get out of a container. I have seen it happen.

      • Gender Traitor

        ‘bodru! Good morning! How are you?

    • cavalier973

      Oh. I was thinking it might be, โ€œHello, I Must Be Going.โ€

    • EvilSheldon

      Yeah, this one is rage bait.

  15. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    TALL STACKS!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey, cyto, and Sean!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, U. How’s it going?

      • UnCivilServant

        I apparently zonked out early last night with all the lights on, so I feel like I didn’t get any rest despite just waking up.

      • Gender Traitor

        ๐Ÿฅฑ Hope the Dew will get you through!

      • UnCivilServant

        ๐Ÿคž

        I should cook a breakfast steak ๐Ÿฅฉ

      • Gender Traitor

        Best idea you’ve had all day! ๐Ÿ˜‹

  16. DEG

    Mornin’.

    I shouldn’t have checked my work calendar and e-mail before going to the gym.

    I don’t give a shit. Off to the gym.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, DEG! Go get pumped up! ๐Ÿ‹๏ธโ€โ™‚๏ธ

  17. Not Adahn

    Good morning!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, NA! How are you and Lily today?

      • Not Adahn

        She wanted me to stay home with her, but I’m at work anyway.

        She has gotten over her frustration from last night — the gf came over and I didn’t let Lily out of the crate. Lily loves the gf, and of course wants to be involved in all the cuddling.

      • slumbrew

        “The Burj Khaloma”

        Not bad.

        That rendering looks hideous.

      • R.J.

        โ€œLetโ€™s build a big expensive glass building in Tornado Alley.โ€

      • UnCivilServant

        “I have a cunning plan.”

        “Here we go again.”

        “Have you ever seen the Producers?”

    • Not Adahn

      One of the things that struck me about visiting NYC were the hippie/natural foods stores with neon signs. YC is pretty tacky from an Oklahoman’s POV.

  18. juris imprudent

    I’ll double down on RJ‘s threat – work up some articles people or you get more Nietzsche!

    And good morning.

  19. Fourscore

    Good morning, All!

    I see the frost is on the pumpkin, oh wait, no pumpkins, anyway the grass is white with frost. I’m not going out for a bit. Frost is my kryptonite.

    • R.J.

      Morning!