Begging for Squirrel Chow

by | May 11, 2024 | Drugs, GlibFin, Liberty | 107 comments

Greetings from your friendly Glibertarians Foundation treasurer. Its that time of the year where we come to you po’ faced, and shamefully admit we blew most of the money you entrusted us with to keep this website operating over the last year. Most of it. Some we just wasted. There were $34 in random expenditures.

It costs about $300/month for us (well, mostly Swiss, Tonio, WebDom, and Riven) to keep the site up and give you guys a place to be disturbed by SugarFree and entertained by Mojeaux, Animal, and UCS, among others. Where else on the Internet can you rant amongst friends who are (probably) not all Feds? For just $5/month, you can keep our squirrels fed and away from a life of meth and selling their precious bodily fluids. We’re offering all of that for less than the price of a six-pack of beer.

No need to panic, we have just about enough in the bank to operate through the end of 2024, but part of being money-grubbing libertarians is maintaining a prudent reserve in case we get an opportunity to blow it all on hookers. You don’t want us to have to blow it on scabby, toothless meth-mouths do you? We want Eastern European hookers. The kind Trump would let pee on him. Can you make that happen?

You can give at Zelle: squirrelchow@glibertarians.com – (we’re working to get a direct site link, but… poor)

or

Paypal: https://www.glibertarians.com/donate/

or

Buy some merch at the store!

 

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

107 Comments

  1. hayeksplosives

    Thank you for the Zelle option!

  2. Fourscore

    I don’t understand Zelle. I guess I’ll use Paypal, I get enough junk mail from them.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      My bank still refuses to work with Zelle

      • rhywun

        I tried to pay my rent in a previous city with it once and they refused to pay out I think it was anything over $500 – derp.

        Maybe I’ll try here. I think it will be under $500.

    • hayeksplosives

      For me, Zelle is an option right in my Wells Fargo bank app. So I just hit “pay/transfer” and Zelle pops up as an option. You just need the email or phone of your recipient.

      I have become unhappy with PayPal, so Zelle it is.

      • R.J.

        Me too, I will figure out Zelle tomorrow morning and start a monthly donation.

      • ZWAK will kindle all of the dreams it took a lifetime to destroy

        Sigh. Damn it sucks to have an expensive month. But, I too will figure this strange and new system out to spread some wealth.

  3. Tonio

    But wait, Brett, there’s more. They also get a forum (that thing’s still up, right) and a 24×7 GlibZoom channel courtesy of Neph.

    There are some articles in the pipeline that everyone will enjoy, including one with the most heartwarming picture imaginable.

    • Tres Cool

      “…the most heartwarming picture imaginable”

      Goatse?
      Or LobsterGirl after moulting ?

      • J. Frank Parnell

        Mola Ram?

      • juris imprudent

        Old Man captaining the Greta bobsled?

      • Tonio

        None of the above, but you will get lobster girl in my Thursday links. Thanks for the suggestion. We are *all* about pandering to our fanbase here.

        And now, I, Tonio, will sing and tapdance for you all until the next donation comes in. [Narrator: Tonio can neither sing, nor dance.]

      • Ted S.

        [Narrator: Tonio can neither sing, nor dance.]

        Joan Crawford couldn’t dance either, but it didn’t stop her from trying.

      • Gender Traitor

        You know who can dance his ass off? Daniel Radcliffe, AKA Harry Potter! From a few years back, probably around the time the last Potter movie was released. [TW: musical theater]

      • rhywun

        I was expecting that full-frontal horse thing he did.

      • Gender Traitor

        Sorry to disappoint! 😄

      • ZWAK will kindle all of the dreams it took a lifetime to destroy

        Equus.

      • Tres Cool

        Equus is the only Hyundai I hope to own someday (soon).

      • ZWAK will kindle all of the dreams it took a lifetime to destroy

        A good friend of mines little sister dance for the Met until she was in her 40’s, even with four kids. But that is pretty rare.

      • Sensei

        I was acquainted with one male dancer from the NYC ballet. He also had a long career, but a bit more common for men.

        I can’t imagine how high the likelihood of an injury cutting your career short would be.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Some bits looks vaguely familiar – but I can’t match up the entire thing to any show I recall.

      • LCDR_Fish

        I did watch the first few episodes after you posted about it before – didn’t really match up that dance/tune to it – but it’s been a month or two.

      • juris imprudent

        Tonio may also be performing on tonight’s Zoom?

      • Tonio

        “I might, Rabbit. I might.”

  4. The Late P Brooks

    What about a P O box

    • Sean

      There was one at some point. If it still exists, I’m in.

    • Fourscore

      My preference as well but I’m already in with Paypal so next time maybe

  5. Gender Traitor

    Oh weil I just HAD to order a latte mug! 😃 This weekend is the seasonal beverage transition: “firsts” tomorrow morning will be the last of the hot chai tea latte, and seconds will be the first of the iced coffee mocha latte! And, of course, I will probably be in trouble for bringing another mug into the house without installing an additional kitchen cabinet in which to store it.

    If you don’t mind my asking, about what percentage of the merch price do you get?

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      I switch my morning drink seasonally, too. But I’m way down here in the south so I started on the iced coffee a few weeks ago. Tomorrow morning may be a hot coffee day, though – 47 overnight low! Windows-open weather!

      • Gender Traitor

        I was glad for a hot drink this morning, as it was only in the mid- to upper 50s (and rainly) at Tranquility Base. Sunny now, but windy!

  6. The Late P Brooks

    White supremacist

    “Harvard should put front and centre (that it) stands for meritocracy in America…,” Griffin said, adding that schools should “embrace Western values that have built one of the greatest nations in the world.”
    Griffin who has donated more than half a billion dollars to Harvard University said in January that he has halted donations to the school over how it handled antisemitism on campus.
    “What you’re seeing now is the end-product of this cultural revolution in American education playing out on American campuses, in particular, using the paradigm of the oppressor and the oppressed,” Griffin told the FT.

    ——-

    Griffin, who started trading in his Harvard dormitory, spoke at the Managed Funds Association conference in Miami in January about America’s elite universities and criticized the education at the universities blaming the “DEI (diversity, equity and inclusion) agenda.”

    Western culture is what’s wrong with the world.

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      Apparently Harvard is having a hard time finding a speaker for some traditional event (I don’t think it’s commencement – some other longstanding thing).

      LOL.

      • Gender Traitor

        “At last report, they were in negotiations with a longshoreman from Chelsea.”

      • rhywun

        The small signs of pushback here and there are welcome.

        But… where was it a decade ago when it was already obvious where things were going?

      • creech

        Half a billion dollars to finally wake up and realize there’s a problem at Harvard.

  7. Timeloose

    “ Buy some merch at the store!”

    I hope the classic thong is still available.

      • ZWAK will kindle all of the dreams it took a lifetime to destroy

        You really need to offer a Hair merkin.

    • R.J.

      I got the round Glib logo decal and have it on my PC.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        STEVE SMITH SAYS RELAX, on the back window of my Kia, high in the center,
        Cheers!

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Officer safety

    On the afternoon of May 3, Roger Fortson opened the door of his Florida apartment with a gun in his hand and was immediately shot six times by a sheriff’s deputy responding to a complaint about an argument.

    Fortson’s supporters point to the deputy’s rapid decision to open fire and his mere presence at the apartment — where the Air Force senior airman was apparently alone and FaceTiming with his girlfriend — as proof that it was a blatantly unjustified killing and the latest tragedy involving a Black American being shot at home by law enforcement. Authorities, meanwhile, have seized on Fortson holding a gun when he answered the door to cast the shooting as a clear-cut case of self-defense for a deputy confronted with a split-second, life-or-death decision.

    ——-

    The deputy, whose name and race haven’t been released, bangs on Fortson’s door, pauses, then knocks again, yelling that he’s from the sheriff’s office. Fortson eventually answers the door while holding what appears to be a gun by his side pointed at the ground. Within a few seconds, the deputy shoots Fortson six times, only then yelling for him to drop his weapon.

    What are the chances the guy thought it might not actually be a cop at the door?

    • rhywun

      the latest tragedy involving a Black American being shot

      Too bad he wasn’t white.

      Never change, The AP.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Tonio may also be performing on tonight’s Zoom?

    Will he be riding a tiny bicycle?

    • Gender Traitor

      Unicycle or GTFO!

      • Tres Cool

        Typical mime.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    I hope the classic thong is still available.

    Maybe a jockstrap.

  11. hayeksplosives

    A channel called espnews is currently showing a dog competition involving much running and fetching of balls. It’s mesmerizing.

    And cute.

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      Flyball? My pug used to take a flyball class. He was really good at it, and the teacher wanted us to join her team, but I couldn’t commit to that and those competitions are sensory overload.

      • hayeksplosives

        Flyball! Yes.

        It’s great to watch.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        I have seen agility contests with Frisbee, much fun!

      • hayeksplosives

        I gave my German then-mother-in-law a frisbee at Christmas for her beloved doggo. She had no idea what to do with it so i demonstrated.

        She and her doggo got so into it that they entered the local/regional dog agility clubs and contests for years!

        Frisbees and dogs are a great match.

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        Here’s my little bub back in the day https://ibb.co/Qdv1HNh

      • hayeksplosives

        Awwww..:

      • Evan from Evansville

        A “sensory overload” for the pups or humans?

        Depending on the type and manner of input, this human strongly approves of certain flavors.

    • Suthenboy

      “…much running and fetching of balls.”
      I know you did that on purpose so I am obligated to say “I am gonna watch just to see if there are any girls I know there.”

      • Tonio

        LSU girls, amirite?

      • Tres Cool

        Definitely not Loyola.

      • ZWAK will kindle all of the dreams it took a lifetime to destroy

        They aren’t really Loyol.

    • Pine_Tree

      Agreed. Watching dogs do intensely doggish things (hunting, mostly, for me) is always very good. Even when I was a kid, one of my favorite things to watch on TV was the border collie sheepherding competitions. Sounds weird to describe that as intense, but it is.

    • Gender Traitor

      Despite being a lifelong cat person, I enjoy watching the Westminster Dog Show. So many of the doggos look like they’re having such a great time – “Lookie me! I so purty!” 🐕🐩🐕‍🦺

  12. Fourscore

    I watched Trump for a few minutes while I ate my dinner. Mostly I was trying to pick out the Secret Service. I had 3 with sun glasses, no cap, sweat shirt, on occasion would clap lightly, a couple were talking into their phones, 1 for some reason, was taking phone pictures of the crowd. Some others I had suspicions about but not quite sure.

  13. Evan from Evansville

    I am injecting myself into the social scene in Carmel, Indiana. It simply must be done. It is shockingly harder to do such in the States. Folk kinda remember ya here. (They’re also fucking REALLY polite. Weird, wild stuff. I’m gonna catch a period, at least, of the Vancouver/Edmonton NHL playoff game. I need to get a profile set up for social/dating apps. The ponds are out there. I need to put this li’l fish in it. Can win if you don’t play. I got a haircut today. More steps will follow tomorrow. I detest pictures of myself. I need to gussy myself up, all casual like, so I can get pics for ’em plus now/future work shit. Get it out of the way.
    It was part of an internal talk I had, followed by a fun and necessary Big Talk with my older bro. He said the thing separating us from many/most families is not our mutual love, support and care, but our openness and honesty. I know he was specifically referencing my SiL’s family. Funny bit for me: I knew SiL’s younger sis a decade before my bro+Rach met. Catherine and I were in the same class from K-5, and middle and high schools.) I live as an actor, w about 15 characters in the One-Man Play, but I rarely *lie.* Certainly not to folk I know. (Omitting the truth? Constantly. I frequently ignore truths, certainly. We all do…right?)

    This Cubs v Pirates game is ridiculous. Was so in our favor then. Hrm. Not sure yet. I hope the 2hr rain-delayed got…special consideration… ‘Tis necessary for me to glibdonate for multiple reasons. My PayPal may still be in sync. (Damn. That IS a perfect band name. 98 Degrees. <–I don't get that one at all. Ish body temp? Hrm. My second favorite band I was in took my suggestion of "Guilt Kick." I don't think the other members got my internal meaning of the phrase. That's kinda preferable. My favorite band of mine was the Holy Electric. I'd say mostly straight rock, but I'm sure there are many many names for what we were. A drummer, bassist, two guitarists and someone in there singin', playin' rock n roll.

    • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      I got a haircut today.

      Just one?

    • hayeksplosives

      I would like to see this She’Carri Richardson take the 100’meter gold.

      She is definitely all woman. She must have a scientifically engineered sports bra to keep the “ladiies” from interfering with her running.

      She’Carri is a great example of why we need to keep trans-“women” out of women’s sports. We need to see people like Richardson, Jackie Joyner Keraey, FloJo, and others excel.

    • Evan from Evansville

      *Standing Ovation* This is…glorious. On so many levels: [Player Maggie Steffens said] “My whole family was like ‘Is this real? Flav is part of the water polo world now?’” Steffens said. “I was like ‘I don’t know what’s going on, but I want to wear a clock right now and that’s how I’m feeling.’” Steffens and the U.S. team also have another high-profile supporter in Taylor Swift. They attended the musician’s Eras Tour concert on Friday night at La Défense Arena — the venue for the women’s water polo final on Aug. 10…Flav, who is working on another tour with Public Enemy that could begin later this year, then held up a T-shirt with his picture that read “KING SWIFTIE.” “I’m proud to support Taylor. … Flavor Flav is a Swiftie, the king of all the Swifties,” he said.”

      Wowza. Hey!–It worked. I’m certainly more interested than I was before.

  14. kinnath

    A small chunk sent via PayPal

    • slumbrew

      Same.

      (Not that small, but it’s been a while)

  15. Gustave Lytton

    Came back from errands this afternoon to find the water heater was leaking its guts out in the garage. Nearest water heater on a weekend with the specs I wanted was 2 hours away. Good news: it comes with mandated master control so the power company (and others) can turn it off remotely. I’m sure it will never be used except for overloaded grids…. 🙄

    • R.J.

      Should be easy to override with a couple of alligator test leads…
      Only marginally more effective than the water reduction washers in showers.

      • slumbrew

        New kitchen faucet has the reducer built into the diffuser, which is annoying. Figured out the sprayer has no reducer, so that’s now the go to for filling pots, etc. I can unscrew the diffuser to fill things if need be. But still annoying.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Is it? I haven’t looked at it yet. Control signals apparently arrive over the grid power. If it is, I’m sure an anti tamper feature will be the next mandate.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I did opt out of the one that has built in wifi. Control board and water heater sounds like a great match.

  16. Gustave Lytton

    Finished the Pentavirate last night. It left me disappointed and let down. Did enjoy many bits and gags in it though.

    • rhywun

      I’m so old-school I have no idea what a ‘Sonos’ is.

      Seriously, I am so basic bitch with audio. The most elaborate I ever got was plugging a pair of mini-speakers into my desktop and now I can’t even be bothered with that. The vast majority of my music time is on the go through my phone now.

      • Sensei

        Basically WiFi enabled speakers. From simple to high end.

        So from a remote control ie phone app you can play music throughout your home, backyard, pool, etc.

        Integrates in with custom stuff done in high end homes down to one speaker or a sound bar for your TV. Also does wireless multi channel TV and movie sound.

        All stuff I do old school with wires. The audio video receiver I use is quickly shrinking market.

      • UnCivilServant

        If you can’t plug a wire in to carry the signal, it’s not suitable for audio.

      • Raven Nation

        I’m a moderate fan. Use it to play podcasts from my Mac in different parts of the house. Has never worked as well as advertised: it’ll work from Spotify but not from podcasts or a browser like it’s supposed to.

  17. rhywun

    Golan has become a lightning rod at the explicitly apolitical Eurovision contest. Her very appearance on stage — and her advancement to the Eurovision final — has driven several fellow contestants batty.

    But, none more so than Ireland’s Bambie Thug — a nonbinary singer who performed on stage with a jet-black demon costume.

    There follows a bunch of pronoun play.

    LOL. You really can’t make current year up.

    • UnCivilServant

      Eruovision is just “Degeneracy the Musical”

  18. pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    1960s John Deere 2010 wide front end purchased. It came with tire chains, a loader, a bucket, forks, a repair manual, and a back blade.

    It needs brakes. Getting it off the trailer was a puckering experience.

    I am excited. I think I got a good deal. It will make snow removal/fence post removal/fence post installation/stump pulling/ goat,hog,cow butchering easier. Next acquisitions are a 3 point post hole auger and a wood chipper (looks pointedly at the NSA van the next property over) for it .

    #what’s happening on pistoffnick’s farm

    • Sean

  19. pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    Sent a payment via Zelle. Thank you for having a non-PayPal (*spits) version of payment.

    /keep doing that voodoo that you do so well

  20. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    The last hour of Zoom was the most upper Midwest Zoom that upper Midwested.

    • hayeksplosives

      lol. Sorry I missed it!

  21. Beau Knott

    I’ve got some more music to inflict, I mean share 😉
    Starting out gentle and pleasant with His Name is Alive, Blue Moon.

    Share and enjoy!

    • rhywun

      +1 4AD

      • Beau Knott

        HNiA was the only American band on 4AD afaik. Michigan based, no less 😉

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, Ted’S., Beau, and rhy!

      • Beau Knott

        Mornin’ GT!

  22. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    yo whats goody yo

    TALL SABBATH CANS!

    • Gender Traitor

      A little too chilly yet to venture out to Tranq Base, so I’m finishing up the last of my hot chai latte (only enough mix left to make an 8-oz. serving) indoors. By the time it’s time for seconds, I hope it’s warmed up enough to take my iced mocha latter outside to enjoy the beautiful sunny morning!