IFLA: The “Badda-Boom!” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of May 5

by | May 5, 2024 | IFLA | 130 comments

First, your victim needs to be cut from the herd


Happy Drink Like a Mexican Day!

So last week we had Jupiter and Mars indicating domestic disorder. That sign has broken up (like the protests have been) but they’re not over yet. On Tuesday(ish) sign of major chaos (Sun-Mercury) relating to domestic disruption (Earth-Moon-Mercury) and destruction (Mercury-Mars-Saturn). So expect some noise mid-week. Mid-week is also an excellent time to be a Taurus, astrologically speaking. You’ve already got the happy-making Venus and Jupiter, and from Tuesday-Thursday the moon joins the party even going so far as to do that “rebirth/renewal/potential” thingy it does every four weeks while you’ve got it. The difference between Taurus and Aries is instructive. Both can be signs of resistance/stubbornness, but this week the planets are indicating that being steadfast in an existing pre-determined plan of action will be rewarded, but being reactively contrary will get you BTFO. Also, it’s a bad week for fishing. There are a LOT of fishing-related signs in astrology.


This crew plays a little rough.


Taurus: 5 of Cups – loss, but something remains, inheritance, patrimony, transmission, but not corresponding to expectations; marriage, but not without bitterness or frustration. 

Gemini: 10 of Coins – Gain, riches; family matters, archives, extraction, the abode of a family. 

Cancer: The Lovers – Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome, rumpy pumpy.

Leo: Ace of Swords reversed – Going balls out gets your balls torn off.

Virgo: Temperance reversed – Things connected with churches, religions, disunion, unfortunate combinations, competing interests.

Libra: King of Coins reversed – Vice, weakness, ugliness, perversity, corruption, peril.

Scorpio: 6 of Swords reversed – Declaration, confession, publicity.

Sagittarius: 9 of Coins reversed – Roguery, deception, voided project, bad faith.

Capricorn: The Hermit reversed – Concealment, disguise, policy, fear, unreasoned caution.

Aquarius: Queen of Swords reversed – Widowhood, female sadness and embarrassment, absence, sterility, mourning, privation, separation. 

Pisces: Queen of Cups – Good, fair woman honest, devoted, loving intelligence, gift of vision, success, happiness, pleasure, wisdom, virtue; a perfect spouse and a good mother. 

Aries: 7 of Wands reversed – Perplexity, embarrassments, anxiety.  And easy problem turns out to be not so.


Emmy, that fourth dog, is about to learn she’s not part of this circle.


About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

130 Comments

  1. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: 9 of Coins reversed – Roguery, deception, voided project, bad faith.

    You can’t cheat an honest man.

    • Chafed

      But an honest man can be lied too.

      • The Gunslinger

        But can he get laid, too?

      • ZWAK will kindle all of the dreams it took a lifetime to destroy

        Laid to rest six feet deep.

    • Fourscore

      Surely from the millions of voters there must be at least one honest person.

    • Ted S.

      Is the voided project a long satisfying dump?

      • Ownbestenemy

        I’d say more rougery

  2. Toxteth O'Grady

    Is Emmy an Aquarius? Surely she’ll fit in eventually.

  3. The Gunslinger

    From last week:
    – “Capricorn: 8 of Swords – Bad news, violent chagrin, crisis, censure, power in trammels, conflict, calumny; also sickness.”

    Last Wednesday morning I arrived at work to find out the president of the company had resigned. This is a guy that came up through the engineering department to be VP and then president and that I have worked with more than 20 years. At least I wasn’t sick.

    I have decided it’s time to start sending out some resumes.

    So this week:
    – “Capricorn: The Hermit reversed – Concealment, disguise, policy, fear, unreasoned caution.”

    Not sure what to make of that.

  4. Mojeaux

    Taurus: 5 of Cups – loss, but something remains, inheritance, patrimony, transmission, but not corresponding to expectations; marriage, but not without bitterness or frustration.

    That’s a combo of unlimited consequences. All that’s missing is the kitchen sink.

    loss … inheritance

    Look, I do not want my mom to die. Do you know how much paperwork that would involve?

  5. hayeksplosives

    What is a male Aquarius to make of this week’s horoscope? It’s so specifically female oriented.

    Does that pertain to a woman in the Aquarius’ life or some feminine aspect of a male Aquarius?

    • ZWAK will kindle all of the dreams it took a lifetime to destroy

      Well, my wife turned 50 last month, so maybe the change is finished?

      • R C Dean

        Zawak, Zwak, Zwak. You sweet summer child. The change is never finished.

      • RBS

        Gazes into the abyss…

      • ZWAK will kindle all of the dreams it took a lifetime to destroy

        ex-wife gazes back…

      • Nephilium

        /taps head

        See… if you don’t have a wife, you can’t have an ex-wife.

      • Mojeaux

        The change is never finished.

        🥴

      • hayeksplosives

        You’re worrying me, Mojo. I haven’t gotten started yet! (50 yrs last month)

      • Mojeaux

        It changes you, then it stops, and then you don’t recognize yourself.

      • Mojeaux

        BTW, mine was surgical. I was 48, I think? Shit started happening as soon as I took the patch off, but it was so gradual I kind of didn’t notice. Then one day I woke up and realized this was no longer my body, but I was stuck with it.

  6. Ownbestenemy

    ICYWYKAIKYD…

    Cancer: The Lovers – Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome, rumpy pumpy.

    Has been satisfied.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Ya and here is hope his speech at the LP convention is live so they can ask WTF mate?

      • juris imprudent

        I can’t imagine him making a campaign appearance that isn’t before a well selected audience.

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        The LP allowing a candidate from another party to share a platform with their own fucking candidates at their own fucking convention is…peak LP.

        It’s like RC Cola inviting Coke to its annual business meeting to make their case that Coke is the best.

      • Pine_Tree

        How bout LP as “StupidER Party”?

      • creech

        I just heard from a former LP activist, and an experienced public relations expert, that it would be foolish for the LP to rescind the Trump invitation as his appearance will give the LP the most publicity in its entire existence.

      • juris imprudent

        As soon as they turn on him and boo, oh, there will be publicity!

      • ZWAK will kindle all of the dreams it took a lifetime to destroy

        As a registered LP member, we should have all candidates come give speeches. We need to find who will listen to us, court us, and be susceptible to our pressure re more liberty. Earn my vote!

        We want more liberty, and having a purity ring/pity party/circle jerk by ourselves isn’t getting us squat.

  7. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    Perplexity, embarrassments, anxiety

    Welcome to every fucking day of my life

  8. hayeksplosives

    My Cinco de Mayo / Orthodox Easter fusion cuisine was a success:

    Stroganoff burritos! Yummy.

    Nap time!

    • juris imprudent

      Stroganoff burritos!

      I’m confused, and hungry.

      • hayeksplosives

        Homemade stroganoff (strips of beef in sauce of caramelized onion, mushrooms, garlic, spices, mixed with sour cream), layered over long grain and wild rice in a warm burrito shell with a few sliced olives and rolled up.

        It’s even low (ish) carb!

      • R C Dean

        Ditch the mushrooms, put in some proper New Mex red sauce for the spices, and you’ve got a very solid New Mex burrito (which his objectively the best burrito) there.

      • hayeksplosives

        I deliberately wanted it to be Eastern orthodox worthy in recognition of Easter today.

        And I love shrooms. Portobellos in this case; they pretty much turned into sauce anyway.

      • Nephilium

        A local place:

        Our Cinco de Mayo pierogi plate is back for a limited time!

        Pick 4 pierogies: Taco, Potato Cheddar & Jalapeño, Chicken Fajita, or Potato Cheddar & Habanero pierogies with a side of sour cream, guacamole, queso blanco, chips and a drink!

      • R.J.

        *Jabba the R.J. sidles closer…

    • Aloysious

      Does not compute.

      Would try.

  9. CPRM

    Taurus: 5 of Cups –… marriage,…

    My drought is over. It’s just science.

    • R.J.

      Those Hat and Hair groupies are out there. I know it.

  10. Tres Cool

    Short weekend. Did laundry, cut the grass, and spent time with Tres V2.0
    Heading back to the (216) cause I got shit to do.

    /shakes dick @ Neph

    • Nephilium

      /wonders if Tres has learned the right way to pronounce Mentor yet.

      • Grummun

        There’s more than one way to pronounce it? /Lima Bellefontaine Lancaster

      • Gender Traitor

        Versailles, Russia…

      • Nephilium

        Here it’s a shibboleth as to where someone grew up.

      • rhywun

        America is rich with those.

        My favorite hometown one is “Chili”.

      • Nephilium

        From what I’ve read, Cleveland is the only city in which asking someone “What high school did you go to?” is normal. Here it provides a huge dump of socioeconomic info in a school name.

      • Gender Traitor

        I have it on good authority that the HS question is also de rigueur when two St. Louis natives meet. I’ve witnessed this IRL: TT was chatting with the projectionist after a planetarium music/laser show. When they discovered they were both from St. L., I think it was the projectionist who asked first. When TT answered with the name of the hot shit Catholic boys’ school, she said she’d attended the hot shit Catholic girls’ school! 😆 (Of course, maybe she was lying! 🤔)

      • Gender Traitor

        In SW/W Central OH, I’m guessing “Bellefontaine” would serve that function. (In SE OH, maybe Lancaster? Or Gratiot?)

      • creech

        Cairo IL, Reading,PA, Buena,NJ

      • Gender Traitor

        I’m familiar with the first two. Is the third pronounced “Byoo-nuh”?

      • creech

        Boonah

      • Gender Traitor

        😄👍

      • Grummun

        Do I want to know how Ohioans can fuck up “Russia”? I’ve heard “Ver-sales”.

      • R.J.

        “Gaucho-molee”

      • Gender Traitor

        “Ver-sales” (Home of Poultry Days!!) is correct in Darke County, OH. The Russia (annual local festival unknown) in Shelby County, OH, is ROO-shee.

      • Nephilium

        Do I need to show the picture of the local “Cinco de Mayo” fest held over Memorial Day weekend?

      • R.J.

        Is that a rhetorical question? Of course you need to.

      • Don escaped Texas

        toe-LEE-doh

        it’s a national sport, fucking up pronunciations, so believe me Ohio is competitive

        in fairness, I sit about 100 miles from a place pronounced Muh-Dine-uhh

        national.sport.

      • pistoffnick (370HSSV)

        The Arkansas River is pronounced like the state name in Arkansas.

        But in Kansas, it is pronounced Ar-Kansas.

  11. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    Hey Swiss – if you’re around, hope all is OK. Hope your dad is doing reasonably well.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    One such promise: “We’re going to give our police their power back,” he told rallygoers in Waukesha, “and we are going to give them immunity from prosecution.”

    Soopurpredaturz!

    • juris imprudent

      And the irony of someone that is the target of malicious prosecution saying that. Bad enough he has no self awareness, but jesus – his dupes.

      • dbleagle

        That was my thought as well. But Trump being Trump, he probably means immunity from the pursuit of justice from us, the lupen, while he will attempt to go after his tormentors by hammer and tong.

      • Fourscore

        Trump wants revenge, he’s a vindictive loser.

        /I’m #1, I’m #1!

    • R C Dean

      The problem he is trying to address* – selective prosecution – isn’t a cop problem, it’s a prosecutor/mayor/city council problem.

      *Probably. Who the fuck knows?

  13. Rebel Scum

    female sadness and embarrassment

    But enough about the women I date.

    • TARDis

      What is this dating you speak of? Is that when you incorrectly guess a woman’s age and are forever scorned?

      I think I’ve been on less than dozen dates. I hope to never go on another.

      • hayeksplosives

        Just wait for a coworker to fall for you.

      • Ted S.

        The one you’re currently dating, or the one who went off the deep?

      • Ted S.

        That should have said “deep end”, of course.

      • hayeksplosives

        The “off the deep end” guy has zero romantic aspirations; he was just plain nuts, poor guy. I hope he got a good psychiatrist.

      • hayeksplosives

        The one I’m currently “dating” if you could call it that.

        We still keep it discreet due to company policy discouraging dating within the company. Even though we aren’t in the same chain of command!

  14. Suthenboy

    Mrs. and I are eating and watching Mark Levin. She is asking me how it is possible, given what we saw in Europe in WWII, kids today can be screaming for repeating it.
    Me – “I cant tell the difference between the rhetoric and behavior we are seeing today and those of the clinically insane that I worked with for a decade. They are completely brainwashed. You cant figure out what they are talking about and neither can they.”

    • R C Dean

      I’ve decided to stick with what I’ve done for a long time – take people at their word. You said X, I believe you meant X, want X. I’m not going to try to figure out what you (may have”) “really” meant. Students calling for administrators and professors to be sent to the gallows/the guillotine (yes, this happened) want those people killed. Students calling for “from the river to the sea” want all the Jews in Israel killed. Period. No “rhetorically”, no “figuratively”, none of that. And they should be treated accordingly.

      • R.J.

        Tree chipper exception?

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, anyone not in an approved group using such language would have the book thrown at them.

  15. Tres Cool

    Nephilium on May 5, 2024 at 5:59 pm
    /wonders if Tres has learned the right way to pronounce Mentor yet.

    Yes. “Mennner”

    • Nephilium

      Damn. They’re teaching you all the secrets.

      • Tres Cool

        Nah- my older brother moved up here in the late 1980’s. Ive spent enough time to know.
        And you people sound like you have clothespin on your nose when you speak.

    • hayeksplosives

      Babylon Bee has a short bit of “Donald Trump” reading his favorite verses from the Trump version of the Bible.

      I’m impressed by the voice work.

      https://youtu.be/ke4Lq9QbNqo

      • hayeksplosives

        Not meant to be a reply…

      • Chafed

        I smell a Hat & The Hair crossover coming.

    • Fourscore

      Now do Manor and Elgin, TX

      • Gender Traitor

        I’ve been to Freer (frare), TX! 🙋‍♀️

      • R.J.

        It’s pronounced “Eljeenoooreeno.”

    • rhywun

      Ah. Like “Toronto” is actually pronounced “Tronna”.

    • slumbrew

      My local favorite is ‘Haverhill’ (hay-vrill).

      ‘Peabody’ is pretty good too (pebudy)

      • Chafed

        +1 Meffa

      • Grumbletarian

        MA is chock full of that. Like Billerica (bill-rikka) and Worcester (woo-stah)

      • hayeksplosives

        Peru, Kansas is PEE-roo

  16. pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    Chicken run is assembled and wrapped in fencing.
    I need to cut a hole through the coop wall and install the automatic chicken door tomorrow.

    I’m going to be sore tomorrow.

  17. Grummun

    Adios, Vegas.

    • rhywun

      😀👍

    • Raven Nation

      Excellent

  18. Evan from Evansville

    It looks like some people may still be here? Hrm.

    “Gain, riches; family matters, archives, extraction, the abode of a family.” That pretty much encapsulates me. Troubling weekend. Surrounded by success and confusion. I’m happy for work to resume tomorrow. I feel lost navigating in my cloudy mind alone.

  19. R.J.

    The new Seinfeld movie about Pop-Tarts is good so far.

    • Ted S.

      I think I’ve posted this before.

    • Festus

      OMWC!

    • Gustave Lytton

      Thank you sir! Down the rabbit hole of that guy’s channel. Fascinating.

    • CPRM

      He was mayor when I was there.

  20. CPRM

    Just yesterday I found out that if you’re an Amazon Prime member, every month you can download certain games for free. How the fuck have been a Prime member for years and just now been informed of this? I got Fallout 76 and the 2014 Tomb Raider remake for free. I’ll hate them both, but they were free. At first I thought this was part of the stupid Luna shit my connection isn’t fast enough for, but you cand download and own the games. Fallout 3 is one of the games on offer this month as well, but I already owned that.

    • Ted S.

      I thought we didn’t talk about Tomb Raider any more.

      • Sean

        I thought mocking was still acceptable.

  21. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey, U, Sean, and Ted’S.!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Morning. Another week. Nice and rainy too

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ll take rainy so long as the week is less eventful than last week.

      • Gender Traitor

        How are you so far this morning?

      • UnCivilServant

        Now that the stressful part is over, it’s all boiling up and I’m being a right agitated, surly cuss.

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s perfectly understandable. I hope you find a way to vent it without damage. (Holding it in too long often ends badly.)

      • UnCivilServant

        The problem is, I am at the office, and have to maintain professional decorum with people who… aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed.

      • Gender Traitor

        I wish you the strength you will need to make it through the work day.

      • UnCivilServant

        Thanks. I’ll need it.

        It’s password change day. I’ll be typing the old one for weeks.

      • Gender Traitor

        ::checks radar:: Oh, yeah – it seems to be just arriving up here.

        Good morning, OBE!

      • Tres Cool

        Luckily I did get my grass cut yesterday.

      • Gender Traitor

        Did you get your grass cut?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Got the front done. Now looks like I’ll have to get back in a few days once this system rolls through the next few days

      • Gender Traitor

        👍 The front is what more of the neighbors see.

  22. Ownbestenemy

    I wouldn’t have the best of confidence riding on Boeings manned spacecraft

    • UnCivilServant

      Don’t worry, it’s guaranteed to return you to Earth.

      Just how far into it… that’s another matter.

    • Gender Traitor

      I’m sure it will be just fine! The Doctor opens the door of the TARDIS out in space all the time, right? (Or he used to…before I stopped watching…)

      • UnCivilServant

        I can guarantee you Boeing craft do not run on sciencey magic.

  23. cavalier973

    So, yesterday, I went to the grocery store. Then, I made egg McMuffins in a skillet. Then, I made chocolate peanut butter no bake cookies. Then, I grilled some hamburgers and hot dogs.

    Most importantly, I cleaned up after myself, at the end of each project.

    My wife was so impressed.

    • UnCivilServant

      I so want to be sarcastic right about now.

      But that might discourage future cleaning.