Wednesday Afternoon SugarLinks – What You Really Are

by | May 22, 2024 | Daily Links | 135 comments

Professional Clown From Scranton Arrested By Carbondale Police, Charged With Prostitution

A professional clown from Scranton has been arrested by Carbondale Police for allegedly meeting undercover officers for sex. According to the Carbondale Police Department, 28-year-old Francis Bui was advertising himself as an escort online, and when contacted by police, they say Bui agreed to perform sexual acts for $100 an hour at a hotel in the area. In a criminal complaint, it stated that Bui told officers it was his first-time offering prostitution services, and that he knew it was wrong. Bui reportedly told police money was running low and he was trying to supplement his income.

The erotic scent of greasepaint. All those dildos in that tiny, tiny car. The nose squeaking as he just worked away.


Hollywood is remaking Time Bandits. This is a terrible timeline.

Time Bandits ( 2024)

Burn in the fires of a million billion hells, Tahiti Wakanda!


How Neanderthal language differed from modern human – they probably didn’t use metaphors

The Neanderthals (Homo neanderthalensis) fascinate researchers and the general public alike. They remain central to debates about the nature of the genus Homo (the broad biological classification that humans and their relatives fall into). Neanderthals are also vital for understanding the uniqueness or otherwise of our species, Homo sapiens.

We shared an ancestor with the Neanderthals around 600,000 years ago. They evolved in Europe while we did so in Africa, before dispersing multiple times into Eurasia. The Neanderthals became extinct around 40,000 years ago. We populated the world and continue to flourish. Whether that different outcome is a consequence of differences in language and thought has been long debated.

But the evidence points to key differences in the brains of our species and those of Neanderthals that allowed modern humans (H. sapiens) to come up with abstract and complex ideas through metaphor – the ability to compare two unrelated things. For this to happen, our species had to diverge from the Neanderthals in our brain architecture.

Some experts interpret the skeletal and archaeological evidence as indicating profound differences. Others believe there were none. And some take the middle ground.

Everyone knows Neanderthals are dwarfs and therefore Scottish. And the Scots have a fine grasp of metaphor. In fact, in Scottish Gaelic is the origin of the word metaphor, which means “headbutting someone in the crotch during clown sex.”


About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

135 Comments

  1. SDF-7

    The erotic scent of greasepaint

    Just imagine the balloon animals he was willing to blow….

    • EvilSheldon

      He probably got some takers. $100/hr. is dirt cheap for fetish work…

  2. The Other Kevin

    I was terrified of clowns as a child. And now I am as an adult.

    • Sean

      Just wait until you see his juggling act!

      • SDF-7

        How many balls can he keep in the air at once?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Depends on whether he uses his hands.

  3. SDF-7

    How Neanderthal language differed from modern human – they probably didn’t use metaphors

    This can’t be new research — it is cited as a plot point in a book I read recently (well, the Neanderthals couldn’t process language as symbols but rather memorized phrases in English and spat them back based on perceived need).

  4. Yusef drives a Kia

    I thought Neanderthal was a metafor for stupid, or Democrat

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Or a metaphor

  5. Sean

    Hollywood is remaking Time Bandits. This is a terrible timeline.

    No.
    No.
    Hell no.

    • Rat on a train

      No, thank you. I already have one.

    • SDF-7

      I’ve actually never watched it that I can recall. I think I may have tried once and was bored out of my mind — but it has been decades and I may be misremembering. Just one of those movies famous for being a cult classic that I’ve never felt the need for (Brazil being another one… I do have Big Lebowski but haven’t actually watched it yet….)

      • Dr. Fronkensteen

        It came out when I was 11 and I loved it. I haven’t watched in forever so I don’t know if it holds up for an adult viewing. That said I can’t think of how they can do a remake that would do the old film justice.

      • rhywun

        ’ve actually never watched it that I can recall.

        #meneither

        Nevertheless I bet a new version will suck ass.

      • slumbrew

        I remember it being really dark for a “kids” movie.

      • ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

        I have watched Time Bandits fairly recently, and, at least to me, it does hold up, in a very low budget BBC kinda way. You know you are watching something made in a different time, but the ideas behind it are so strongly realized that it is OK, and help solidify the story.

    • Drake

      Probably won’t even have midgets. Why bother?

  6. Gender Traitor

    A professional clown from Scranton has been arrested…

    Was hoping it was Joe. Am disappoint.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      #metoo

      • SDF-7

        #methree

      • Bobarian LMD

        Disappointing. Clown was not in character.

      • Pope Jimbo

        They ain’t hiring him for his face.

        They see them huuuuuuuuuge shoes and you know what they say about dudes with big feet…..

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Where are the dwarves? Dwarves gotta eat, too.

    • SDF-7

      The problem with feeding dwarves is they always want a little moria.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        That’s a Mith,ril

    • Shpip

      It came to my attention some years back that there was no collective noun for little people.

      However, my suggestion “a shortage of dwarves” was rejected out of hand. Something about “confusing” and “deeply offensive.”

    • Spudalicious

      They hate to be tossed aside.

  8. J. Frank Parnell

    So I take it the new Time Bandits has the Peter Dinklage Stamp of Approval?

    • Rat on a train

      He’s an angry elf.

  9. Mojeaux

    they probably didn’t use metaphors

    Autists!

    • Fourscore

      C’mon, Moj, they didn’t have cars.

      • Mojeaux

        No problem! @GT sent recs.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Whether that different outcome is a consequence of differences in language and thought has been long debated.

    Did the neanderthals commit cultural suicide over superstitious nonsense? Maybe they were just more advanced as a civilization.

  11. Mojeaux

    *sigh*

    I have a very long-time friend who left the [[[church]]], which is fine, whatever. But in citing her reasons, she unironically used “LGBTQIA people.” I mean, LGB is one thing, but the TQIA…? Ugh. And also, two of these things are not like the others.

    • SDF-7

      But what about the 2S+ people! Heretic! Unbeliever! Outcast, unclean!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      What the hell is the IA? Also don’t forget the Otherkin, The Genderfucks and, of course, the MAPS.

      • Ted S.

        The IA are people from Iowa.

      • SDF-7

        Versus the ones that keep their sexuality to themselves… the IDs.

        (Because they’re living in their own private Idaho)

      • Mojeaux

        I believe it is “indigenous,” but don’t quote me, and “asexual.”

        While I agree that “asexual” is an orientation like LGB, I don’t think you need a special designation to tell people you don’t like all that icky sex stuff.

      • DEG

        I is intersex.
        A is asexual, aromantic (i.e. claiming to never experience romantic attraction), and agender.

      • Mojeaux

        Oh, thank you!

      • rhywun

        At this point it’s just a grab-bag of anything not cis hetero. Regardless of whether it makes any sense to lump them all together (it doesn’t).

      • cavalier973

        The IA are people from Iowa.

        Reminds me of the song “Royals”, by Lorde.

        “My friends in Iowa have cracked the code.
        We count our dollars on the train…to the party.”

      • Sensei

        “aromantic”

        Or is aromatic as I first read it. Who doesn’t love the stink?

      • The Other Kevin

        Leave me out of this. Oh wait, “Otherkin”. Never mind.

  12. Bobarian LMD

    genus Homo (the broad biological classification that humans and their relatives fall into)

    Did you just call me and my family gay?

    I don’t think you’re supposed to do that anymore.

    • SDF-7

      I hear there’s a lot of marketing spin up for a sequel to Brokeback Mountain, they’re trying to convince people that they’ll be the only ones who don’t see it if they don’t buy tickets.

      You know… a Homo FOMO promo.

      (I’m going to Hell for that one, I know…)

    • slumbrew

      Also, I don’t like nobody touching me. Now, any of you homos touch me, and I’ll kill you.

  13. Necron 99

    Ugh, hail and wind incoming.

    • rhywun

      Supposedly here too. Strange weather day. Was almost 90, now 73.

      • Necron 99

        Mostly passed here with only rain, wind and thunder.

      • R.J.

        Already had it. Fairly innocuous.

      • rhywun

        Still awaiting whatever’s coming.

      • Nephilium

        rhywun:

        It still hasn’t been through here. It’s been windy and threatening storms all day, but not a drop has fallen yet. Now they’re saying heavy thunderstorms overnight.

  14. Pope Jimbo

    But the evidence points to key differences in the brains of our species and those of Neanderthals that allowed modern humans (H. sapiens) to come up with abstract and complex ideas through metaphor – the ability to compare two unrelated things.

    It wasn’t just metaphors. They failed to develop other language skills as fast as the cro-magnons. They failed to embrace a simile late in their development.

    • Spartacus

      ‘Twas really their inability to grasp the nuances of secondary markets that did them in.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Too expensive

    Cars, trucks and SUVs in the U.S. keep getting older, hitting a record average age of 12.6 years in 2024 as people hang on to their vehicles largely because new ones cost so much.

    ——-

    Still, with an average U.S. new-vehicle selling price of just over $45,000 last month, many can’t afford to buy new — even though prices are down more than $2,000 from the peak in December of 2022, according to J.D. Power.

    “It’s prohibitively high for a lot of households now,” said Todd Campau, aftermarket leader for S&P Global Mobility. “So I think consumers are being painted into the corner of having to keep the vehicle on the road longer.”

    Nothing to do with qualitative considerations.

    • The Other Kevin

      Cash for Clunkers 2.0 incoming.

      • Sean

        I had the same thought.

      • SDF-7

        Or just CARB (and the like) banning them outright, but yeah… had much the same thought “We’ve put personal transport out of reach of most of the proles… now to take away they’re existing methods! 15 minute cities, here we come!”

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      I’m driving a 2020 Cadillac right now, but you’ll never take my 07 Kia away, it will never die

  16. The Late P Brooks

    she unironically used “LGBTQIA people.”

    Is she pro-alphabet-soup-people, or con?

    • Mojeaux

      Very pro. She didn’t like the way the church treats the QUILTBAG “like second-class citizens.”

      Well, shit. When you parade your orientation and fetishes out and demand people celebrate them, you’re gonna think they’re dissing you when they don’t celebrate you.

      Some people’s kids, I swan.

      • trshmnstr

        She didn’t like the way the church treats the QUILTBAG “like second-class citizens.”

        That language is cut and paste from leftist talking points.

        I can see [[[y’all]]] possibly having a really rough go of this cultural sorting going on. Ever since yall’s [[[leadership]]] turned a 180 on being outlaws, the cultural trend for a lot of [[[laypeople]]] has been on a parallel path as the “Ignite!! Church and Mini Mall” crowd. Heck, I’ve encountered more [[[feminists]]] than atheist feminists in real life. IMO, It’s gonna be particularly rough for the Mormon church when it starts becoming a
        personal liability to claim faith in our society.

      • Not Adahn

        Are there any brand-name Christian denominations that will even admit to the concept of sexual sin?

      • Mojeaux

        If I understand you correctly, I agree. [[[We]]] are trying to rebrand as run-of-the-mill evangelicals (at least, if our recent [[[lay]]] sermons are anything to go by) and it’s driving me up a wucking fall because I spent 9 years being “peculiar” (per 1 Peter 2:9), learning my own doctrine, and kind of rubbing it in people’s faces. I don’t know if it’s in an effort to satisfy QUILTBAG or because we want sooooo badly for everybody to like us (I’ve already credited it to the second one) or both, but…

        So anyway, I keep my doctrine close to my heart, but I go to church for the community. I don’t find church valuable for doctrine anymore because it’s unreliable. I want to contribute service to my community and hope that when we are in need (as we have been in the past), the community will be there for us.

      • Mojeaux

        Are there any brand-name Christian denominations that will even admit to the concept of sexual sin?

        The only person I hear talking about out-of-wedlock sexual forays is Jordan Peterson, who divorces it from “sin” and emphasizes its contribution to the degeneration of society, in terms of the degeneration of the nuclear family, the effects of single motherhood, side effects of hormones (birth control pills) and other looming medical disasters, and a population bust (amongst other things). He certainly doesn’t couch it in “sin.” “Don’t do this. It fucks you up and it fucks up society.”

      • Nephilium

        Not Adahn:

        Catholics.

  17. Pope Jimbo

    The Minnesoda legislature continues to protect us from the rapaciousness of the evil Capitalists. No idea why they think that they need to do this. Are the proles too dumb to know how to negotiate their own pay?

    Minnesota employers will be required to include salary ranges in job postings — a requirement lawmakers say will help improve pay equity for potential employees.

    Companies with 30 or more employees will be required to include the minimum and maximum annual salary or hourly range of compensation, as well as a description of all benefits and other compensation in their job postings.

    Aahh. Because gurl bosses are too scairt to ask for more money!

    The law is a big leap toward closing the pay gaps that continue to persist, said Rep. Kristin Bahner, DFL-Maple Grove, who authored the bill.

    “It is a great step forward for job-seekers and employers alike to better find the perfect match,” Bahner said. “We know job-seekers are more likely to apply when they have good information and employers see more qualified candidates.”

    Women in Minnesota lose an estimated $483,040 in lifetime earnings because of the gender wage gap, which further impacts women of color, according to a 2024 report by the Center on Women, Gender and Public Policy at the University of Minnesota’s Humphrey School of Public Affairs.

    • SDF-7

      So… researchers who’s livelihood depends on there being sexual inequities found…. sexual inequities. Gasp. Shock. Q’elle surprise.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Indeed already does that, so what?

    • rhywun

      And when this doesn’t work because the “pay gap” is entirely down to personal choices, what then?

      • SDF-7

        More arbitrary laws (“50% women on company boards!” “State set salary for workers!”) and more grant money for the Center on Women, Gender and Public Policy at the University of Minnesota’s Humphrey School of Public Affairs would be my guess.

      • Sensei

        I always said just identify as a gender and racially fluid black lesbian while doing board work.

        Problem solved!

  18. The Gunslinger

    – “Professional Clown From Scranton Arrested By Carbondale Police, Charged With Prostitution” –

    That’s insane. I’m curious if he had a posse he was working with?

  19. SDF-7

    Let’s hope KJP and the Apple marketing department never hook up. Or someone teaches her what literally means… (balance restored!)

    • The Other Kevin

      Now that I think about it, they must keep her around because KJP and Kamala are the few people in the country who can make Joe look coherent.

  20. DEG

    The Neanderthals had a relatively large occipital lobe, devoting more brain matter to visual processing and making less available for other tasks such as language.

    So what you’re saying is, is they could only say, “Hello Nurse!”

    • Drake

      At least some of them had more overall brain real estate then us moderns.

  21. The Late P Brooks

    Or just CARB (and the like) banning them outright

    As I recall, the state of California refused to license any dieselgate VWs without proof they had been “fixed” by a dealer.

  22. cavalier973

    It was Time Bandits then Brazil then The Adventures of Baton Munchausen.

    I watched Brazil because The Hudsucker Proxy was said to draw its aesthetics from the earlier movie.

    The Hudsucker Proxy was more enjoyable. Sure, sure, Brazil was Terry Gilliam, but The Hudsucker Proxy was a Cohen Bros. movien with the language toned way down.

    You know, for kids!

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Just one of those movies famous for being a cult classic that I’ve never felt the need for

    I made the mistake of watching On The Waterfront a few nights ago, for the first time ever. I have no idea what the fuss was all about. It was nowhere near my top 1,000 movies list.

    • cavalier973

      I think it was risky in that time to show the connection between unions and the mob.

      • cavalier973

        But, I know where you’re coming from.

        I can not understand the hype of Hendrix’s “Purple Haze”.

    • The Gunslinger

      Just curious, what is movie title #999 on your list that it couldn’t beat out?

      • SDF-7

        Manos: The Hands of Fate presumably…

      • SDF-7

        But we’ll never find out who Johnny is because she’s like… dead!

    • creech

      Why does Citizen Kane get such high marks?

      • juris imprudent

        Pissing on old man Hearst’s shoes?

    • slumbrew

      I was a bit underwhelmed by Citizen Kane until I read up on it afterwards.

      Many “clichéd” elements were established by that film, so they didn’t really register while watching it – the nonlinear story telling, shooting Kane from down low so he appeared larger than life, etc.

      As Cavalier touched on, it may be On The Waterfront‘s influence that gets it ranked highly.

  24. Sensei

    An amazing amount of bullshit in one article.

    Ex-Goldman Sachs VP rips bank’s ‘man’s world’ culture: ‘I played golf, talked football, and cried in bathroom’

    https://nypost.com/2024/05/22/business/ex-goldman-sachs-vp-rips-banks-mans-world-culture-cried-in-the-bathroom/

    “Lindsay MacMillan, who worked at the bank’s marketing department”

    “She said that her grueling 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. daily schedule and long hours on weekends was dictated by “whatever the male leadership pushed,”

    “Being the only woman on a team of 20 investors”

    “When MacMillan baked cookies and brought them into the office for co-workers, she said she was admonished that she “should have been building financial models instead of baking.”

    Is she in marketing or banking? WTF is she investing in? Marketing doesn’t work IB hours. And only associates work those hours and they either move up or get pushed out.

    And don’t anybody on the street that isn’t going to eat baked goods. Unless they suck. And even at that point nobody is going to say anything.

    Yes, it’s still a boys’ club, but not overtly like this. And women can and do succeed in it.

    • Shpip

      “My out-of-the-box ideas were discouraged,” she wrote.

      Maybe because they were stupid ideas. Don’t try to re-invent the wheel, toots.

    • slumbrew

      Agreed, none of that makes any fucking sense.

  25. The Late P Brooks

    The Hudsucker Proxy was more enjoyable.

    I found that movie utterly unwatchable. Largely but not entirely because of what’s-her-name flouncing around in an execrable imitation of Katherine Hepburn. Not even Paul Newman could save it for me.

  26. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    “Everyone knows Neanderthals are dwarfs and therefore Scottish.”

    Wee Scots are offended by this.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    *shrug*

    Exactly. We all have our little idiosyncratic quirks.

    • cavalier973

      No doubt.

      Speaking of Bruce Campbell, I enjoyed “Jack of All Trades”.

    • cavalier973

      I also like the movie “Condorman”, with Michael Crawford.

      Just to give perspective on my taste in movies.

      We first saw it as a double feature with “Song of the South”.

  28. Aloysious

    “…which means “headbutting someone in the crotch during clown sex.”

    wat.

    um.

    Rule 34. I’m so not googling that.

  29. Derpetologist

    I will be returning to the classroom on Friday to shadow a teacher at a school I interviewed with last month. Yay me. It’s nice to have a teaching gig lined up for the fall.

    Florida Man Flies Jet With Excavator Like a Toy Plane
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9x1TRbeC_0

    I guess all that’s left now is find a summer job, not that I need one. I applied to the local cable company today. Looks like I’ll be climbing utility poles in the near future.

    • cavalier973

      So, you’re doing the shadow a day early?

    • R.J.

      What evil lurks in the hearts of kids? Only the Shadow Derp knows….

      • Aloysious

        This. This right here. It would so rock.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Not familiar with Condorman.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    “My out-of-the-box ideas were discouraged,” she wrote.

    Maybe they weren’t as original as she thought.

    • cavalier973

      I don’t like unboxed cookies, anyway.

      • R.J.

        Schrödinger’s cookie?

    • Sensei

      I guess she married well because who wants to hire her after you Google her name before the interview?

    • R.J.

      Betta males?

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        Your reply is fishy

      • Spudalicious

        Beto males.

    • Mojeaux

      That may be true for that species, and it probably evolved out of some natural process from some environmental reason, but these people like to say, “THIS SPECIES DOES IT SO IT’S TOTES NATURAL FOR HUMANS TOO!”

  32. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    Anyone hear how CPRM came through the storms last night? Central WI got clobbered.

    • R.J.

      No word from him yet.

  33. Mojeaux

    You know, if the Royals had played like this last year, they would’ve gotten their new stadium. Nobody wants to give losers new shit.

  34. R.J.

    Again, the entire Glibertariat rises as one from their PCs and goes to eat dinner, regardless of time zone. You all deny it, but I Know The Truth.

    • Ted S.

      I eat dinner early. The joys of working 6-2:30, and living with an elderly father who eats on Old People’s Time.

    • Mojeaux

      Wheel of Fortune is on.

      • whiz

        ^^ This

  35. Mojeaux

    Happy father’s day to my husband.

    The last time I bought him something expensive-ish, he was marginally irritated because he said it’s not my job to buy nice things for him.

    • Sean

      Shiny.

      • whahappan

        I thought you said he wanted an air fryer? *runs from room*