Birds Aren’t Real

by | Jun 15, 2024 | Beer, Food & Drink, Media, Musings | 81 comments

It occurred when I came home to visit my family while I was in the Air Force. My the sister thought it was so wonderful she just had to show me. I watched it, I winced a bit, and then I told her there was so much better stuff on the internet. Like this.

This is my review of Mudshark Brewing Abominable Imperial Stout:


What my 13 year old sister had to show me was the guy from Dumb and Dumber going full Aaron Sorkin. For some reason this got recirculated on social media and identified as the beginning of the end of America as we know it (TW: Aaron Sorkin).

The trouble is, I am having a hard time trying to reject the premise. Unless one wants to argue this occurred sometime earlier like in the 90’s when Sorkin’s other insufferable show was popular for some reason. You pretty much have to be in 8th grade to find him insightful at all. America isn’t great, they’re even saying it on TV. Where does it go wrong? How do we fix it? Is there some sort of original sin which we can cleanse ourselves as a country? Are you going to hit me again with a Judge Nap joke in the comments?

Sure, I suppose it was a cultural marker of sorts that devolved into where we are now: cancelling Audubon:

The group formerly known as NYC Audubon has changed its name to the NYC Bird Alliance, completing a multi-year process of severing its ties to John James Audubon, the 19th century artist and environmentalist whose reputation as a slave owner had increasingly clouded the group’s mission.

The name change “marks a significant moment in our organization’s history,” Jessica Wilson, the organization’s executive director, said in a statement, adding that the new name “better encapsulates our mission to protect birds and their habitats while making the city healthier for all New Yorkers, both birds and people.”


I assume this is not at all what some of you had in mind. For those readers I will link this POV video of a guy driving a Porsche on the Autobahn. It’s probably more fun either way.

At any rate can we just have some sort of list of historical figures that need to be marked like a Mel Brooks movie on Netflix? Is it really that much to ask to simply assume everyone is racist and actually cancel these historical figures for doing something that is remarkable enough to actually cancel them? You know, like plagiarism.

Again with breweries named after racial and gender slurs and again with the STEVE SMITH themed beer. This one like Aaron Sorkin is an abomination (!)— okay fine it wasn’t that bad. In fact, I probably owe racial and gender slur brewery and apology for that.

At 9.6% ABV, it pours like engine oil, but has enough carbonation to form a head and actually keep it. Its not so much coffee heavy but it does go hard with the white and dark chocolate…which I suppose also goes well with their racial and gender slur theme. Get it before they get cancelled too. Mudshark Brewing Abominable Imperial Stout: 4.4/5 9.6% ABV

About The Author

mexican sharpshooter

mexican sharpshooter

WARNING: Glibertarians.com contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. https://youtu.be/qiAyX9q4GIQ?t=2m22s

81 Comments

  1. LCDR_Fish

    Where’s that beer from? Probably won’t be able to find it in my local total wine…but this time of year, I’m not sure I could handle it.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      The brewery is based out of Lake Havasu City, AZ

  2. Common Tater

    “Mudshark”

    Zappa fan?

  3. Gender Traitor

    White “chocolate” is NOT chocolate. IT is an abomination.

    • Common Tater

      Does it still taste like chocolate? I have no idea because I’m allergic.

      • Gender Traitor

        It does not. It’s barely edible wax.

      • CPRM

        How do you know you’re allergic if you’ve never had it?

      • DEG

        White chocolate is made from cocoa butter, a fatty substance from the cocoa bean. It has no cocoa solids but has a slight cocoa taste.

    • Suthenboy

      Not knowing I had to look it up. It is, in fact, chocolate.

      Cocoa butter 20% or better
      Milk solids ~3.5%
      Sugar
      Vanilla
      Lecithin

      The cheap stuff, a substitute, is NOT chocolate. Vegetable oil is used in place of cocoa butter. This must be the abomination of which you speak. Sounds like cake icing to me….*gag*.

      • Gender Traitor

        Cocoa butter 20% or better

        Suntan lotion probably tastes better.

    • UnCivilServant

      Brown chocolate contains the same stuff as white chocolate plus additives from the same plant.

      • Gender Traitor

        Then they should always add the additives.

      • Suthenboy

        In the manner of ‘unleaded’ gasoline?

      • UnCivilServant

        *dusts three grains of cocoa powder in vat*

        Done

      • Gender Traitor

        I’m going to start conducting a reverse brown paper bag test for chocolate. It must be DARKER than the bag!

    • Nephilium

      What’s wrong with byproduct chocolate?

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      GT is correct

      • UnCivilServant

        No, I’m afraid she’s not.

      • R C Dean

        I’m on Team GT here.

        High marks on the beer. Sounds too heavy for a Tucson summer, but I may grab a couple bottles for when it gets below a hundred frickin’ degrees.

    • Chafed

      It definitely doesn’t belong in beer.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    In a couple more decades they’ll be banning historical figures for being (male) heterosexuals.

    • Suthenboy

      A couple of decades?

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Yes, that’s the next frontier. “He had sex with…his wife? Banned!”

    • R C Dean

      Well, it’s been an article of faith in some circles that heterosexual men are rapists by definition.

  5. CPRM

    People inspired by that racist freak probably want enslave birds! Also, Canaries should be canceled, they probably wore black face from all their time in the coal mines.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      That’s true. Plus Tweety was probably a combination of racist tropes.

  6. Gustave Lytton

    Mexican not white enough makes my mind jump to Pati Jinich.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Pollution for its own sake

    In the last decade, about 120 digesters have cropped up across California and roughly 100 more are in the pipeline. But a technology hailed as a cost-effective way to help the state reach its methane reduction goals has become controversial.

    Environmental justice organizations say mostly low-income, Latino communities are dealing with pollution from nearby digesters, and they want California to stop providing financial incentives for more. Critics also say state policies favor industrial dairies, entrenching unsustainable animal agriculture.

    Rebecca Wolf with the environmental group Food and Water Watch said the state is incentivizing dairies to keep running large operations that already pollute. “You’re never going to stop polluting” with this system in place, she said.

    Just think how many jobs could be created if dairies were limited to no more than six cows which were required to be milked by hand.

    • Nephilium

      nearby digesters

      Well this is a new one.

      • The Other Kevin

        Nearby Digesters opened for The Proclaimers in 86.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I’m going to fart [500 lbs]

      • Chafed

        Yes, but it’s a variation on a theme: Someone, somewhere is doing something productive. I don’t like it so let’s make it stop.

  8. The Other Kevin

    Didn’t know Audubon got canceled. His illustrations were amazing, I saw some in person out East at one point. Plus his money funded so much to protect the natural world. But I’m sure everything is better without him right? 🙄

    • Raven Nation

      Well, that’s always the position correct? We’re going to make a stand. We’re not going to give up the money; by using it, we’re redeeming it. I guess that’s the thinking. Otherwise Brown University would just shut down.

    • Mojeaux

      My husband won his car (Prius) from the Audubon Society, IIRC.

    • R C Dean

      The local Audubon Society is going their performative struggle session now.

  9. DEG

    At 9.6% ABV, it pours like engine oil, but has enough carbonation to form a head and actually keep it. Its not so much coffee heavy but it does go hard with the white and dark chocolate…which I suppose also goes well with their racial and gender slur theme. Get it before they get cancelled too. Mudshark Brewing Abominable Imperial Stout: 4.4/5 9.6% ABV

    Sounds good.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      It is, even with white chocolate

  10. Mojeaux

    [vent]

    My mom lives with 2 of her sisters in a 3000 ft2 home on 5 acres with a barn and horses. One sister, Susie, I don’t care too much for, but it’s a low-key irritation because she’s the alpha sister and what Susie wants, Susie gets, no matter if it harms my mom (and it has). (This is tempered by the fact that XY loves Susie’s rolls and just raves over them, so it keeps the peace.) Anyway, her granddaughter (from Colorado) is getting married on their property today.

    Two weeks ago, my mom says, “You wanna come?” I say, “I wasn’t invited.” She says, “Well, nobody really got an invitation; it’s just kind of word of mouth.” I say, “Hmmm.”

    I have never met the bride. I barely know my cousin (bride’s mom), and my only real interaction with her was one summer when I was a teenager and she was visiting our grandma and she was a right bitch to me. Anyway, my cousin’s here relatively a lot (again, from Colorado) but I’m never told, “Come say hi to Heather.” My feelings are not hurt.

    A week ago, my mom says, “Are you coming to the wedding?” I say, “Again, I was not invited and I don’t go where I’m not invited.” She says, “Well, *I* invited you and I think Aunt Susie will be hurt if you don’t.” I say, “I just saw Aunt Susie two days ago and she didn’t ask me to come, so no.”

    My husband is absolutely opposed to this because he’s a little more frustrated with Aunt Susie than I am (he gets protective of my mom; it’s cute).

    I will have absolutely no fallout from not going (I don’t think), I don’t want to go, my feelings aren’t hurt that I didn’t get invited by the bride’s immediate family, and I think if Aunt Susie wanted me there, she should have said something to me directly.

    And yet, I’m still debating this with myself. Mostly because there will be cake. (To which my husband said, “Do you want me to run to the store and get you a cake?”)

    [/vent]

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      I never trust it when anyone says “you should just come to the [whatever event]”

      Yeah, no.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I hate family drama. Sorry Mojo. Damned if you, damned if you don’t.

      • Mojeaux

        To be fair, we are generally low-ish drama, but with 3 elderly women with varying health and care needs, who are stuck in their home because of interest rates and tax implications of selling their home, wanting to stay together, but unable to care for the home or each other now, the low-ish drama is creeping upward to low.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I missed the birth of my sister’s first kid because our family didn’t tell us. And we were ready to drive to the hospital (we don’t live in the same town). For years, my sister thought we were being pricks and just didn’t show up.

      • DrOtto

        In damned if you do, damned if you don’t situations, I always take the easiest/cheapest route possible. That limits my irritation with the situation and makes it the other party’s problem to the greater extent. I wouldn’t go.

    • Nephilium

      I avoid unless invited, as I’m not always the best at reading intentions. Few things are as uncomfortable (for me at least) at being someplace where you’re not welcome and have no way out for some period of time.

      • UnCivilServant

        Without explicit invitation, I assume I’m unwelcome.

      • Fourscore

        UCS, I’m inviting you for a September visit. Bring all your Glib friends.

    • creech

      Damn, now I want to head up to the Amish Market for one of their blueberry cheesecakes. Just a sniff is good for two more pounds on the bathroom scale.

      • Mojeaux

        Mmmm cheesecake mmmm

    • J. Frank Parnell

      Don’t go. Send a card. If you’re feeling generous maybe get them something cheap off their registry or include a $30 gift card to some local home goods store.

    • rhywun

      I remember this episode of Seinfeld.

    • R C Dean

      “And yet, I’m still debating this with myself.”

      You should stop. No cake is worth it.

    • Chafed

      That low key, passive-aggressive way of hosting is a lazy way of making your life uncomfortable. It’s up to granddaughter to decide who is invited to her wedding and then inviting them. She didn’t invite you. You have no obligation of any kind. Your mother is allowing herself to get sucked into this drama and now she is dragging you into it.

      Let your husband by you cake. The two of you can enjoy it.

    • trshmnstr

      “Well, *I* invited you and I think Aunt Susie will be hurt if you don’t.” I say, “I just saw Aunt Susie two days ago and she didn’t ask me to come, so no.”

      Yeah, that would be a hard “no” from me. I don’t play “7 degrees from bridezilla”. Either I’m invited from the person in charge of inviting or I stay home.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      This happens to me all the time. Its better not to go. Its also better to make yourself a cake.

  11. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    I hadn’t intended on drinking tonight, but I just got back from the ABC with a box full o’ booze. Maybe one Caucasian?

    • Nephilium

      I’ve been reading a new book (Cocktail Codex). I’m two (out of six) chapters in, and I have opinions.

      But it has put me in the mood to experiment with cocktails. I’ve got a mulberry shrub, mulberry simple syrup, demerara syrup, honey syrup, and pasteurized eggs in the fridge, a healthy stock of citrus fruits, and plenty of options when it comes to spirits. I’m thinking a variant on an Applejack Rabbit or a Gaelic Flip for the girlfriend, while I may go the traditional whiskey sour route or a shrub spritz to start with.

      • Chafed

        I don’t know how but you gave Peter Suderman a stiffie.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    (To which my husband said, “Do you want me to run to the store and get you a cake?”)

    All of the cake, none of the aggravation. Win.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      👏 Golf 👏 Clap 👏

    • Tres Cool

      SHPROCKETS!

  13. Shpip

    Again with breweries named after racial and gender slurs

    Jeez. What’ll they think of next? (That was a California brand, BTW — just in case you thought stereotypes in advertising was just a southern thing.)

    • mexican sharpshooter

      just in case you thought stereotypes in advertising was just a southern thing

      I assumed that was more a New England, Atlantic Coast thing, given that’s where the ad wizards are based.

    • Nephilium

      /looks at Burning River Pale Ale

  14. Gender Traitor

    …aaaaand I got a jury duty summons in the mail. 😕

    I’ve been called several times and occasionally been required to report and have been seated. It’s not the worst thing ever, but right now I’m kinda hoping all the court folks just want to cut a bunch of plea deals this time of year and head off on their vacations.

    • R C Dean

      I know people love to dodge jury duty, but for someone who bitches about the unaccountability of the state blah blah to do so strikes me as . . . weak? It’s an actual chance to make an actual difference, all by yourself.

  15. Gender Traitor

    Small ray of sunshine?

    • Gender Traitor

      Oops! Hit reply by accident. Meant to add this link: THESE birds are real!

  16. Shpip

    I feel seen.

    10/10 good rant.

    • slumbrew

      *pours one out for Gene*

      Rest in power, king.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      So true

    • Suthenboy

      She has a very good point. Two times in the last few months, once at Lowes and once at Academy Sports.
      Academy kid in the fishing section had zero idea what catfish pliers are. That boy has never caught a fish in his life.
      A boy barely old enough to shave and wearing skinny jeans at Lowes did not know what a board foot is. No shit.
      Their job is ‘here, put these things on those shelves over there. Just match the item to the picture and you’ve got it.’

      • mexican sharpshooter

        I go back and forth with Lowe’s. Yes, they hire the 19 year old that has no idea what part you’re looking for. They also hire the semi-retired tradesman that knows what you need and how to install it.

  17. Suthenboy

    Where is everyone? The round-up has begun?
    8am and I have done nearly a day’s work. Later off to the neighbor’s house for a crawfish boil.