Histrionic Presidential Debate Party!

by | Jun 27, 2024 | Film, Fun, GlibFlick | 365 comments

Bum fight or sausage party. You choose!

Let’s go! It’s the bum fight of the century. And yes, I meant histrionic, not historic. Nothing historic about this one, unless you want to point to the exact moment when Nero put the fiddle under his chin.

Tubi will be streaming it, as will CBS and Pluto, if AI is to be believed:

How to Watch

The debate will be broadcast live on CNN and will be available to stream on various platforms, including Tubi, Pluto TV, and Freevee. Viewers can also watch the debate on the CNN website and mobile app.

I hope everyone watches, and plays sensible drinking games. Just in case you don’t play a sensible drinking game, be sure to Zoom your antics so they can be used against you in the future.

Note: A direct link to the debates is not yet available on Tubi or Pluto. As one (or more) arises, it will be added in the comments.

I Hate Debates! Gimme my Movie!

Hate presidential debates? Want a movie instead? Enjoy a Sausage Party Special Presentation of The Cheerleaders in Fuzz-O-Vision! You can find The Cheerleaders on Tubi if you are using a smart TV, it’s from 1973 and has NSFW content less than 5 minutes in, just like the presidential debates.

Next week, I will be taking a break. It is July 4th! Get off your phones and go celebrate! I shall be in Florida on a beach somewhere.

About The Author

R.J.

R.J.

Hello. My name is R.J. I am a Tulpa with extra cheese and sour cream.

365 Comments

  1. R.J.

    Navigate to Tubi/Live TV/ABC News Live at 9:00 for the debate.

    • rhywun

      And FOX where there was supposed to be fútbol not this shit.

      I am pissed after the shitshow the USMNT just put on.

      • Common Tater

        It’s on all four regular networks, MSNBC, Fox News, and at least three Spanish channels.

        But no commentary shows on YouTube, because copyright.

      • juris imprudent

        Talk about a bum vs. cripple fight.

      • juris imprudent

        Although, now I am amused at the concept of Ivan Barton refereeing the Biden-Trump debate.

      • rhywun

        It’s on dozens of channels, including all the Spanish channels that were also supposed to be showing the same fútbol match as Fox.

        This is fucking ridiculous.

      • rhywun

        Oh and I can’t sign in to the Fox stream.

      • slumbrew

        I’m seeing it on FS2 and Unimas (whatever that is)

      • rhywun

        I don’t get either of those.

        Holy crap this is Joe on the best drugs? Yeesh.

  2. Common Tater

    It’s historic in that it’s in fucking June.

  3. Tundra

    Dude. That movie makes Porky’s look like high art.

    So, kudos.

    • R.J.

      It absolutely does. It is naughty and completely inappropriate. Just like the debate. It’s a match made in heaven.

    • slumbrew

      In retrospect, Porky’s is super weird. The pitch:

      “It’s a teenage sex comedy! With a big antisemitism B-story!”

      Uh, what?

  4. Common Tater

    “The Cheerleaders”

    I think Bill Maher has the poster up on his Club Random set.

    • R.J.

      He would.

  5. CPRM

    The Hat demanded tits and RJ delivered. What a Trump simp.

    • R.J.

      All for you. Only the best 70’s natural tits. And some bush. Not George Bush, natural bush.

  6. DEG

    Enjoy a Sausage Party Special Presentation of The Cheerleaders in Fuzz-O-Vision!

    Nice! I have queued up for later viewing.

    Enjoy your trip RJ!

  7. Aloysious

    “I Hate Debates! Gimme my Movie!”

    I’m going to watch The Cheerleaders rather than those two stupid wieners.

    If someone has an aneurysm on stage or Martians attack, let me know.

    • R.J.

      Will do. It’s not for another hour and a half. Late night.

  8. pan fried wylie

    How long should I cook my chicken broth (3 bones and some meat

    “Today on Good Eats, Micro Broths”

    I assume there’s also a celery stick, a baby carrot, and a cocktail onion in there.

    • Aloysious

      I always assumed that KK knew how to handle meat.

      • pan fried wylie

        She’s just out of sorts from having her breasts split.

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      I had no aromatics and no room in the freezer for the bones, so I did the best I could with the spice drawer. The stupid thing is, I went to Walmarts in the middle of cooking and didn’t pick up any carrots or celery.

      But it’s still good n meaty, micro or not.

      • Aloysious

        Celery seed is a good addition to the spice stash.

        The vegetable broth from canned vegetables is a worthy addition, just mind your salts.

        Soup is one of my go to quick dinners, and very often a majority of the ingredients come straight out of the pantry

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        I definitely added celery seed. Plus standard herbs like thyme, basil, oregano. And bay leaves, one star anise, and a knob of ginger. Also some MSG.

  9. The Other Kevin

    “Nothing historic about this one, unless you want to point to the exact moment when Nero put the fiddle under his chin.”
    LOL

    For quality control purposes, I skimmed through the movie, and sure enough there’s a lot of shocking content. I was so offended, I almost turned if off!

    • Tundra

      Careful. Carpal tunnel could hurt your hockey game.

      • The Other Kevin

        It’s off season, plenty of time for PT if needed.

      • Tundra

        Fair. But I don’t want to be in your skates when you have to tell Coach why your game dropped off so much.

        I mean, you might get crushed into the end board by a girl! 😉

      • pan fried wylie

        She may identify as female, but look at those hairy palms when the gloves come off.

      • ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

        So, she ID’s as a jerk?

  10. Aloysious

    The writers are all male.

    Huh. Funny, that.

    • R.J.

      They had fake names too.

  11. CPRM

    Heh, the coach wearing nothing but a red hat and jockstrap. Crossing the streams.

    • Bobarian LMD

      As played by Hunter Trump.

  12. The Late P Brooks

    I’m watching old Cleetus McFarland youtubes. I might find n old cowboy movie in a while.

  13. The Other Kevin

    Wow the entire Rumble site is down.

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      Did Tim Cast break it?

    • R.J.

      Wow. Unexpected. I sense tomfoolery afoot.

      • The Other Kevin

        Timcast is still going on Twitter. But Bongino, Russell Brand, and a few others were on Rumble. Might be a DOS attack?

      • AlexinCT

        Crowder is up as well…

    • Rebel Scum

      Some kind of attack?

  14. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    Where y’all at?

    • R.J.

      One moment

    • Mojeaux

      Workin’ hard and hardly workin’.

  15. Common Tater

    “moderator discretion”

  16. Tres Cool

    I swore I wasnt going to do it. But Im power-drinking in my hotel room…..watching it.

    • slumbrew

      Why do you hate yourself?

    • rhywun

      Are you in the 315?

    • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

      Come to Zoom

  17. Common Tater

    inject bleach in your arm?

  18. The Other Kevin

    I’m withdrawing my theory of prerecorded Biden. The guy hardly has a voice.

    • Rebel Scum

      He spent the last week yelling at the sky.

  19. Rebel Scum

    For some reason I can’t get on Rumble or MugClub.

  20. R.J.

    Ok, debate is on. Click on Tubi, it will be the first link.

  21. ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

    Bidens eyes are pinned.

    • R.J.

      Holy crap Biden is spouting crazy shit.

      • rhywun

        “I created 15,000 jobs!”

        Hoo boy.

      • rhywun

        He’s already glitching.

    • ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

      I am watching it sans sound, and just looking at them, Trump is animated while Biden looks to be reading cue cards.

      • ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

        Holy Cow! Biden is a hot mess, “we beat medicare”.

        Trump response “yeah, you beat medicare to death.”

  22. Rebel Scum

    So I got on the Crowder YouTube stream. Biden is a total lying, gaslighting, senile mess. Holy shit.

  23. creech

    Should Trump have offered a handshake?

  24. Rebel Scum

    Shorter Fake Tapper: Mr. Trump, why are you so awful?

  25. Rebel Scum

    Trump didn’t get a chance to respond to the Biden BS…

  26. Common Tater

    we finally beat medicare?

    • Chafed

      That was an interesting malfunction.

  27. R.J.

    CPRM: The Hair looks great today.

    • slumbrew

      His Hair was perfect.

  28. slumbrew

    I’m sticking to my guns and not watching.

    • Rebel Scum

      If your guns are sticky you need some Rem Oil.

      • AlexinCT

        THIS IS MY WEAPON…

        THIS IS MY GUN…

        ONE IS FOR SHOOTING….

        THE OTHER FOR FUN….

        And the fun one gets sticky…

      • ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

        Maybe Jesse can spare some?

  29. Rebel Scum

    We did it, guys. We beat Medicare.

  30. Bobarian LMD

    He beat Medicaid to death…

    From the top ropes.

  31. AlexinCT

    WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT???

    • R.J.

      On the Zoom?

      • AlexinCT

        ZOOM has banned me for too much Toobin-ing

  32. B.P.

    Fact checker heads are exploding with *needs context* thought bubbles.

    • AlexinCT

      How long before it is 3 against 1 even though they shared the questions with Biden to prep him?

  33. Rebel Scum

    Trump handled muh-‘bortions well enough. Needed to adhere more to the fact that scotus said it’s no longer a federal issue.

    “the idea that states are allowed to *insert legitimate state authority*…” – Sleepy Joe.

  34. Common Tater

    Joe looks confused af.

  35. AlexinCT

    BLUP BLUP BLUP…

    That’s all Folks!

  36. Rebel Scum

    “politicians should not be making decisions on women’s health.” – Sleepy Joe

    Now do literally everything that is not abortion.

    • Rebel Scum

      I can’t help but notice that npcnn just let Biden interject on Trump.

    • AlexinCT

      I’ll give women the right to set abortion law if they stop voting on everything else. Especially sending men to war or the open border shit.

  37. Common Tater

    They just cut off Trump.

    • The Other Kevin

      Trump: Abortion is back to the states, where I want it.
      Biden: Trump will sign a total ban.
      Trump: *mic cut*

  38. The Other Kevin

    Again, I take back everything I said this week about prerecorded Biden. Holy crap, nobody would let him look and sound like this on purpose.

    • Rebel Scum

      Get use to Democratic Party Candidate Gavin Nuisance.

  39. Tres Cool

    Update-

    Joe is glitching. He needs rebooted already.

    • Rebel Scum

      If he blue-screens you have to finish your drink.

    • rhywun

      Yeah he’s a mess. Yikes.

  40. Rebel Scum

    Uh, Idk how you think scotus works, Joe. I hear radical idiots in both parties calling for national bans and legalization for something that scotus literally just said is a state, not federal, issue. Jfc.

  41. Rebel Scum

    The Border Patrol endorsed Biden…according to Biden…

    ROTFLOL.

  42. ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

    Trump is running all over this, but we all know how it will be spun.

    I can’t even make fun of Biden at this point, it is just so fucking sad. Watching a train wreck is more articulate.

    Cheerleader movie as awesome though.

  43. The Other Kevin

    I’m now going with the theory that this is the excuse they need to pull Biden. The guy looks and sounds dead.

    • slumbrew

      That was one of the theories about having this early debate – gives them time to swap him out if it’s painfully obvious he can’t cut it.

      • AlexinCT

        I hope he does just good enough that they can’t Suicide him and put Hillary in there like they want to.

  44. Rebel Scum

    Rumble is back up at least.

    • AlexinCT

      They were under a DDOS..

      They called the assholes at Google and told them they knew it was them and the DDOS stopped…

  45. Rebel Scum

    The packalackactalackact act?

    Biden is such a shitty individual.

    He’s about to lie about Trump and WWII vets…

  46. groat scotum

    Oh God STOP TALKING ABOUT THE SUCKERS AND LOSERS

    BRING UP THE 13 AMERICANS KILLED IN AFGHANISTAN.

    • groat scotum

      He’s teed up, all he has to do is swing, and he still manages to hit his own shin with the stupid plastic t-ball bat.

  47. R.J.

    Biden is so garbled. And crazy.

  48. Rebel Scum

    “We have done more for veterans…” – Sleepy Joe

    So much so that you are determined to send their children and grandchildren to their deaths in a war with Russia, which has no legitimate justification.

    • R.J.

      Hear hear!

  49. Chafed

    I’m listening on the radio. We are so screwed. Biden is mostly incoherent. Trump is… Trump.

    • groat scotum

      At least Democrats have an excuse.

      Chrissake.

  50. rhywun

    “Putin wants Poland.”

    Go home, Joe. You’re drunk.

  51. Common Tater

    I thought they weren’t allowed notes, so what was Biden flipping through?

    • Rebel Scum

      Notes.

    • R.J.

      The script from “The Cheerleaders.”

      • groat scotum

        Okay, what is this and is it available on pornhub

      • slumbrew

        Did you just jump to the comments and not even read the post?

        Go read the post right this minute, young man! (it involves cheerleaders. NSFW cheerleaders)

  52. Rebel Scum

    Rumble is dying again. But it’s more alive than Biden.

    • Rebel Scum

      YouTube Crowder stream is fine. Everyone else is apparently being fucked with.

    • Gender Traitor

      I pulled up VivaFrei and his buddy Barnes on Rumble doing live commentary. They’re not saying much except “I don’t have any idea what Biden just said,” but they’re up OK.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Razorfist is doing a live reaction on YouTube.

    • Chafed

      Low bar to clear.

  53. Drake

    Holy shit – Biden is totally hopped up on speed.

    • Drake

      He can’t spew our the nonsense fast enough.

  54. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    WTF are you JR????

    • R.J.

      Family is sitting right here. Totally not singing on stage and taking a break to text during a drum solo.

  55. rhywun

    “Donald, when did you stop beating your wife?”

    /tapper

  56. groat scotum

    “We’re like… a bunch of stupid people.”

    Please let’s not pretend that Trump is much better than Biden.

    • slumbrew

      “Much” is the key word.

      Least-worst.

    • trshmnstr

      Please let’s not pretend that Trump is much better than Biden.

      I’ll stipulate that I’m not at all enthused about Trump, but the guy is better in almost every way in comparison to Biden. Where Trump was good, Biden was bad. Where Trump was bad, Biden was abysmal.

      One of them presided over lockdowns but didn’t mandate them. The other came a hair short of having shock troops with hypodermic needles go door to door.

      One sent mean tweets, the other orchestrated the broadest censorship regime in human history.

      One wasn’t very effective in getting us out of forever wars, the other is flirting with nuclear war.

  57. Rebel Scum

    Interesting way to get Fake Tapper to let you pivot and then address the retarded/dishonest question about J6. I’ll allow it.

  58. The Other Kevin

    Trump is getting good advice from someone. He’s got some good answers, and he’s keeping calm.

  59. Common Tater

    turned over statues?

  60. Rebel Scum

    “Number one…or did I number two?” – Sleepy Joe.

    Now he’s rambling casually about holding people for years, pre-trial, for “offenses” amounting to (alleged) trespassing…even after most were let in by the cops.

    Heil Brandon is kindof terrifying.

    • creech

      Trump should have made that point.

  61. groat scotum

    So who do Dems put up now that this goofy doofus just rolled their candidate? Would Harris have done better?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Newsome, the answer’s Newsome.

  62. Common Tater

    Pretty sure Trump did have sex with a pornstar.

    • Rebel Scum

      Prolly more than one. But not Stormy Daniels.

      • Common Tater

        I think he did.

      • Rebel Scum

        Maybe, but a) I don’t care and b) that whore is lying about something. And she still owes him money.

  63. The Other Kevin

    “I did not have sex with a porn star” was just said in a presidential debate.

  64. Rebel Scum

    “No president has ever spoken like that before.” – Sleepy Joe

    I mean, Lincoln threatened “violence and bloodshed” over tax collection.

    I’m sure there have been several other things.

  65. groat scotum

    Oh God he’s talking about his court cases.

    PIVOT PIVOT PIVOT

    Except he can’t possibly pivot away from talking about himself.

    • Chafed

      Absolutely. If the Dems had a competent candidate, the he/she/it would use that. But they don’t.

  66. Common Tater

    FINE PEOPLE ON BOTH SIDES!!!

  67. rhywun

    Joe is, somehow, a bigger asshole than I even thought. Wow.

    • Rebel Scum

      Tbf he is not sentient anymore. But he was always a massive, dishonest, insufferable, tyrannical cunte.

    • Chafed

      It’s impressive how he has grown more unlikable.

  68. Rebel Scum

    “American democracy”

    Fuck you. Fuck your democracy.

  69. Drake

    Break time to reboot Joe.

    • Rebel Scum

      Does adrenochrome and/or the sniffing of small children count as software or hardware?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Aderall and Aricept cocktail, it’s good for wht ails ya (if you have dementia).

  70. Rebel Scum

    “What do you say to black voters?” – White Bitch

    “Number one, if they don’t support me they ain’t black. Number two, I’m offering some racially based taxpayer government bennies.” – Sleepy Joe

  71. The Late P Brooks

    Skimmed through the comments. No surprises.

    May be time for a Roy Rogers movie.

  72. Rebel Scum

    MuH-cLiMaTe ChAnGe!

    It’s called summer.

  73. Common Tater

    Every year is the hottest year ever, apparently.

  74. Rebel Scum

    Yeah, “super-predators” making a “racial-jungle” for your kids, right Joe?

  75. The Other Kevin

    Joe is just looking off in the distance with his mouth open. Not a good look.

    • Drake

      At one point CNN cut away from Biden when he forgot to close his mouth for a long time.

      • Rebel Scum

        I’d swear they have been cutting him off when he froze or was about to freeze.

  76. Common Tater

    Biden doesn’t even know the tax rates.

  77. cavalier973

    I turned it on for about ten minutes.

    The discussion of climate change made me angry, so I’m going back to my Civ5 game.

  78. Bobarian LMD

    Rand Paul Tweet:

    @RandPaul

    In boxing, if you’re punch drunk, the referee calls a TKO (technical knockout).

    It would be a blessing if CNN would call the fight now and put Biden out of his misery.

  79. ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

    Look, there’s so many young women who have been, including a young woman who just was murdered, and he went to the funeral. The idea that she was murdered by an immigrant coming in, they talk about that. But here’s the deal. There’s a lot of young women being raped by their in-laws, by their spouses, brothers and sisters, by, it’s just ridiculous. And they can do nothing about it. And they try to arrest them on the cross state line —

    DANA BASH, CNN: Thank you.

    FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: There have been many young women murdered by the same people he allows to come across our border. We have a border that’s the most dangerous place anywhere in the world. Consider the most dangerous place anywhere in the world. And he opened it up, and these killers are coming into our country, and they are raping and killing women. And it’s a terrible thing.

    Smoking jimminy, just soft balls

  80. Stinky Wizzleteats

    This is just sad y’all. Biden’s on another planet, also his chin seems to be collapsing.

  81. Drake

    Biden is waving a pen around like Bob Dole – or Norm’s impression of Dole.

  82. Rebel Scum

    Brandon looks very concerned and confused every time Trump speaks.

  83. Rebel Scum

    I can’t wait to see the impotent “Biden-Queen-Slay” compilations from leftists after this.

  84. Fourscore

    It’s terrifying that one or the other will have their finger on the Red Button.

    One thinks it’s for Coke, the other for ice cream.

    Hard to believe that Joe will be allowed to go forward.

    I watched about 10 minutes, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

    • R C Dean

      So much this. Biden is a pudding headed mess, but Trump can’t do much more than burp up sound bites, either.

      This is decline-and-fall shit, people. Imagine how Reagan would mop the floor with them. Compare this to the Kennedy-Nixon debate.

      • trshmnstr

        ^^ this

      • Ownbestenemy

        For all his flaws..that man can work a room.

  85. ron73440

    Why does Biden keep listing things?

    Number 1…

    Number 2…

    I don’t want to watch this, but my wife is watching it on someone’s stream.

    • Rebel Scum

      He’s following a script. A checklist for talking points.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Yeah, that’s how the rehearsals were done and he’s unable to improvise.

  86. Rebel Scum

    Presidential historians are court-historians, Joe. Might as well be court gestures.

    • Rebel Scum

      Jesters.

  87. Common Tater

    What about $600, Joe?

  88. R.J.

    CPRM: You must do a debate episode. Only you can do this justice.

    • The Other Kevin

      I think SugarFree is going to have an easy week. Just post the transcript of this debate next Wednesday, it’s as horrifying as anything he’s ever written.

      • R.J.

        No, this needs CPRM’s touch. He could show what Biden is looking at in dumbfounded horror.

    • ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

      CPRM still needs to do the Hat reciting Shakespeare.

  89. The Other Kevin

    Border Patrol tweeted they have not, and never will, endorse Biden.

  90. kinnath

    How bad does Biden actually look tonight?

    I can’t bring myself to watch any of it.

    • trshmnstr

      Monotone, stuttery, and meandering. Not quite incoherent, but it feels like he’s hanging off the cliff.

      • R.J.

        He was incoherent several times in hour one. I couldn’t do the second half.

      • trshmnstr

        Oh, there he goes. The record is skipping.

    • ron73440

      Worse than I was expecting, and my expectations were low.

    • Fourscore

      Not good. How we got in this mess is beyond me. 330M people suffer because of “Democracy”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Bad enough that I feel bad for him but I’m a softie. Trump’s being Trump but he’s on top of it and with it.

      • ron73440

        Bad enough that I feel bad for him but I’m a softie. Trump’s being Trump but he’s on top of it and with it.

        I don’t e’s been an asshole his whole life, but I get the impression the only one really enjoying his time in the White House is Dr. Jill

    • kinnath

      thanks

  91. Common Tater

    More ability to take drugs?

  92. Drake

    Fentanyl machines?

  93. trshmnstr

    “People are concerned that youre too old”

    “a long time ago I was young”

    🤣🤣🤣

    • Rebel Scum

      “I was young an incompetent. I’m now old and less competent.”

  94. Drake

    I have closed captions turned on – it can’t make sense of Biden’s stream of nonsense.

  95. trshmnstr

    Did he just fat shame Trump?

    • Drake

      And challenge him to a driving contest?

    • Chafed

      Yes, and he wasn’t wrong.

  96. Rebel Scum

    “Listen, fat.” – Sleepy Joe

  97. Drake

    Putin wants to conquer the world! Because.

    • Rebel Scum

      I play Total War Empire as Russia and I pretend I am the Deep State / Leftist / Dem narrative on Putin. So I conquer Poland…and everything else.

      • Drake

        In Risk, you always wanted Kamchatka – then you could invade Alaska. Putin already has Kamchatka so you know where he’s going next.

      • Chafed

        Someone pin a medal on Drake.

  98. Yusef drives a Kia

    Trump crushes it!
    Next is Cheerleaders!

    • Rebel Scum

      Correct. Give Trump the UFL so he can make it more XFL-like.

  99. Rebel Scum

    Court dismissal based on “standing” does not mean things were legally addressed and examined, Joe.

  100. robodruid

    How bad is it?
    Democratic Underground is offline for non-account holders for a software update.
    Unanounced.

    • Gender Traitor

      Did they have a pipe burst?

      • Chafed

        It’s a series of tubes.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      If you’re a neolib you’re throwing the rope end over the roof beam right about now.

      • Drake

        Joe’s closing statement was a series of glitches.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Oh God…the man sounds…old. Very old.

  101. creech

    Missed opportunity to quote the special counsels statement regarding inability to stand trial.

  102. Ownbestenemy

    Stayed away from it all. Went to the Buffalo Trace Distillery today. Got me some booze and some fantastic photos.

    • Drake

      Good call.

      • Ownbestenemy

        No Pappy today…but did have Trace and picked up some Blantons. Gotta fill out the basement booze hutch ya know.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Nice! The Sazerac hype machine has been releasing more lately around here it seems like. I’m a sucker for the horsey and change purse of Blantons.

        Picked up some Larceny BP and a store pick of Old Forester today.

    • slumbrew

      Jelly.

      • Sean

        #metoo

    • Chafed

      Pics or gtfo.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Ill have to do that tomorrow. Phone is dead. Snapped a photo of a 25 year Eagle Rare barrel..pretty sure that $10k/bottle.

  103. Rebel Scum

    Well, Joe, you better hold stand fast.

  104. groat scotum

    Well, I’m looking forward to President Newsome. “You Thought Things Couldn’t Get Worse? Guess a Gavin.”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      On the plus side he’s got great hair.

      • groat scotum

        Somehow puts up a better show than either of these twerps.

      • Drake

        When we go from a Republic to an Empire, he’ll be Oleaginous the First.

      • Chafed

        And his wife isn’t bad to look at. But heavan help us if we have to listen to her.

      • Aloysious

        Somebody get Drake yet another medal.

        HE’S ON FIRE

  105. robodruid

    CNN says step aside?

  106. Stinky Wizzleteats

    The CNN after debate panel is slagging the hell out of Biden. What a disaster for the Dems.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I just watched a random 5 second clip from both, from CNN. They are going to go with “Biden was sick”. Ill take bets.

  107. trshmnstr

    Biden isn’t going to be on the ticket in November. Either he’s going to keel over or the Ds will yank him. The fortification machine can only do so much.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      He’s a political goner after this. They may as well yank him and stick someone…anyone…in his place. Hell, the newly unemployed fire alarm puller guy would have a better chance.

    • Common Tater

      “Biden isn’t going to be on the ticket in November.”

      But a change this late is going to look bad.

      Although, that might be why there is a debate this early?

      • trshmnstr

        “But a change this late is going to look bad.”

        From the CNN chyron; “Democrat party officials in ‘aggressive panic’ after Biden debate performance”

      • Ownbestenemy

        The dude was seriously Great Uncle Bob at the 50th Family Reunion for nearly every American. They cannot hide that.

      • Common Tater

        So it goes to a shitshow of a convention?

      • ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

        That is my thought. If they pull him, people start to question – who knew, how long, why did they keep in in place?

        If they leave him in, then, who knows (wink wink, nudge nudge) he could win!

      • trshmnstr

        So it goes to a shitshow of a convention?

        Yes. They can get it back within the margin of fraud simply by getting the hospice patient off the stage. Then just redouble the “fortification” efforts to make up for the chaos the late change will cause.

    • R.J.

      I shall pay for your meal when you visit if he is yanked from the ticket. The dems are just as sunk and disorganized as the repubs right now.

      • Common Tater

        I’ll say anything for free brisket.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ll say anything for free brisket.

        So, that’s where the guilty plea came from?

    • Aloysious

      I read that as ‘fornication machine’.

      That’s a lot of fornicatin’.

    • The Last American Hero

      Nonsense. Rubbing your nose in it is the point.

  108. Yusef drives a Kia

    I thought the moderators were pretty fair, considering

    • Ownbestenemy

      From what I saw, seemed straightforward. You know, something about being honest when all eyes are on you works.

      • Common Tater

        That didn’t stop Candy Crowley.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        +1000 for Tappers kids playing the star spangled banner while being harassed by infant fa types

      • Ownbestenemy

        I think this format combats that. Tight controls, as ridiculous as some of them were, made people pay attention to the questions.

    • R.J.

      Yes, I was surprised by the restraint.

  109. Ownbestenemy

    Listened to Trump’s answer on Roe…not bad. Not great, but well done pivot. Biden’s answer…how can they keep him on the ticket?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Harris?
      Newsom?
      They got nuthin’

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Michelle Obama? Gretchen Whitmer? Throw a curveball and put up Mitt Romney? There are plenty and it’d be hard for them to do worse than Joe.

      • groat scotum

        I don’t really care about much in this race, it all amounts to mostly the same, but I do wonder what they offer Harris to get her to step aside. She got the job by painting Biden as an unhoodied Klansman. She raises a fuss about the unrepentant racists of the Democrat party shoving aside a black woman to put someone into the job, is it possible to launder enough money to keep her quiet?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Interesting view really groat. Who wants to be at the helm when this shit all goes down and the country falls apart.

      • ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

        That might be reason enough to leave Biden in. He won’t know it if there is a total break down, and everyone can say “not me!”

  110. Common Tater

    I miss Mary Catherine Ham in her saffron dress.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Yeah but we have Kat Timpf, in anything,
      /nothing?

  111. trshmnstr

    My analysis of the debate. I only watched the last 45 minutes.

    I don’t think Trump did well. He was way too hung up on his talking points and I don’t think the strategy of ignoring the actual question from the moderator is a good one. I found his incessant need to connect everything to immigration and foreign policy annoying.

    That said, Biden is a husk of a man. Trump would’ve lost to almost anybody else the Ds could have put on stage, but Biden was such a disaster that it wasn’t even close.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      The first half Trump was a Lazer beam, on target and even used numbers!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Noticed this while I was listening to some random spots I picked on the replay. Fuck, Mayor Pete would have mopped up Trump but then again, Trump might have played to his opponent knowing clips would be put side by side. We are a sound-bite society so, might be the right strategy.

    • Common Tater

      ” ignoring the actual question”

      No one cares about that.

      • Mojeaux

        This, too, is correct.

      • cavalier973

        Not when Trump calls Biden “Brandon”.

        Za-za-za-ZING!!!

  112. cavalier973

    Top story at the Drudge report is that Biden needs to be replaced

    I listened to parts of it; was Biden that bad?

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      The whole thing was a meme clip, sad state of affairs to say the least

    • creech

      More coherent than Fetterman’s debate. And Fetterman went on to win. But then again,Trump isn’t Dr. Oz.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Shaky, quivery, fairly incoherent, and came across as a tired and addled old man. It was a disastrous performance on his part.

      • Ownbestenemy

        I mentioned above. He seriously came across as my oldest great-uncle at any given family reunion. You know, the one we are told to go over and say hi while they incoherently tell you a story or call you by their youngest son’s name because they’ve lost/losing their mind.

        What a utter shitshow we are in.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Uncle Joe,
        Give him a cigar and the nicotine makes him lucid enough for an old story, say 3 minutes.

  113. cavalier973

    Accidentally tap those hot dogs, and straight into the coals they go.

    • groat scotum

      …I like a blistered, charcoaled hot dog I had to fetch out of the coals, and I don’t care who knows.

  114. Yusef drives a Kia

    I noticed Trump wouldn’t answer the question of whether he would agree to Putins cease fire. He danced quite well, never show your hand.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Heh I think a fun answer would have been “When I was president, I would have let Putin know we have successfully destroyed 100% of their navel assets in all our war game scenarios, intercepted 90% of all missiles launched against us and most American’s ate hot dogs and hamburgers over the weekend.” Even if all bullshit, fun.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        No one invaded Ukraine while Trump was in office,
        COLLUSION!

  115. cavalier973

    Watch for people trying to compare Biden’s performance tonight to Reagan’s first debate performance in the ‘84 election.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      They did, but no comparison really

    • Ownbestenemy

      Already floating he had a cold. The propaganda machine will go in full force unless the Democratic machine starts pulling the plug.

    • ZWAK came for the two-fisted tentacle-fighting, stayed for the crushing existential nihilism.

      They are already starting to go with “he has a cold”.

  116. creech

    Did I hear Trump call him “Brandon” at one point? He did miss a chance to nail Joe with a “showering with your granddaughter” zinger.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yes…yes you did. Well placed, didn’t linger, just said and moved on.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      That would have been too mean.

    • trshmnstr

      Skinsuiting wasn’t meant to be taken literally!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Look on the bright side, between the computer chips melded with tiny lab grown human brains and this we may actually have functional, albeit horrifying, sexbots in the not-too-distant future.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Designed by SF?

    • Gender Traitor

      GAAAAAAAAH!!! 😱

      Oh. That’s Jeff Goldblum.

      • UnCivilServant

        If you do make the mistake of clicking through to the actual tweet, it’s a bit… wrong.

      • Gender Traitor

        It’s a pink emoji with a poorly defined mouth. 😶

      • UnCivilServant

        That thought had come to mind.

  117. cavalier973

    “Look, we finally beat Medicare,” Biden said, as his time ran out on his answer.

    https://apnews.com/article/bidentrumppresidentialdebate-0e7577e9a354a69f50675494fea54ca9

    That article is heaped high with cope.

    A raspy and sometimes halting President Joe Biden repeatedly sought to confront Donald Trump in their first debate ahead of the November election, as his Republican rival countered Biden’s criticism by leaning into falsehoods about the economy, illegal immigration and his role in the Jan. 6, 2021, Capitol insurrection.

    Meanwhile, the 78-year-old Trump’s rhetoric offered Americans an unwelcome reminder of the bombast he launched daily during his tumultuous four years in office, as he struggles to win over skeptical voters.

    Biden has to with the concerned vote, while Trump has to win the skeptical vote.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Not so much cope as just lies by inference.

    • Ownbestenemy

      unwelcome reminder of the bombast

      Uh, he was anything but bombast; hell I think this format fit his style. Didn’t have much in the way of substance, but that was not the normal combative Trump

  118. Gender Traitor

    Trump’s going to save a bunch of money on producing TV ads with all the clips of Biden’s incoherence he could use.

    • groat scotum

      He won 2016 on in-kind media… I think he does the same in 2020, only they won’t even feature him.

      • Mojeaux

        Correct. He got a billion dollars of free advertising from all media.

      • groat scotum

        Man, if only I weren’t off by 4 years

    • groat scotum

      LOL Joe List is great.

  119. cavalier973

    From instapundit:

    UPDATE: A friend comments: “You know what’s really hilarious here is that ORDINARILY they might be able to replace him at the DNC. But they held the phony “virtual” DNC a few days back so as to make the Ohio ballot. He’s locked in! They nominated him! He’s their guy! They’re riding the bomb down like Slim Pickens on Wing Attack Plan R!”

    I’m sure they’ll come up with some not-really-legal scheme that will nonetheless be upheld in court.

    • slumbrew

      Those rules were probably written by dead white men, so they’ll just ignore them.

    • groat scotum

      So the point I’ve been arguing with the Trump deadender crowd for the last couple years is, how do you overcome the margin of fraud if that really is the deciding factor?

      If he wins, did Democrats not cheat hard enough? And if he loses, was it ever worth voting in the first place? Because if he wins and his supporters have done nothing but complain about how he was cheated in 2020, how can they claim a victory? They did nothing but depress voters, not to mention the gymnastics trying to justify the fact that he won at all despite the fraud. And if he loses, why was it ever worth rooting for him in the first place? The deck was stacked against him. So they nominated and voted for a sure loser.

      • groat scotum

        I’ve got my excuse lined up after years of insisting that Trump would lose… you tell me if this isn’t persuasive:

        HE WASN’T WORTH THE RISK. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, YOU HAVE THE SOVEREIGNTY OF OUR COUNTRY ON THE LINE, WE CAN’T EVEN CONTROL OUR BORDERS AND NOW WE’RE BASICALLY CEDING OUR HEGEMONY OVER WORLD AFFAIRS TO THE LIKES OF CHINA AND RUSSIA AND IRAN, AND YOU WANT TO BET IT ON FUCKING *****FAILED INCUMBENT NOMINEE TRUMP**** TO RIGHT THE WRONGS HE MOSTLY CAUSED BY LOSING IN THE FIRST PLACE?!!?!?!?!

        We could have had a competent nominee. We could have had a candidate who’d wipe the floor splotless with his imbecile opponent. Instead we got the guy who barely matches wits. And barely scrapes by.

      • Winston

        If there is fraud then why would they not use fraud against another candidate? I mean once you accept lawfare and fraud are occuring then the whole system is fucked beyond repair.

      • Winston

        Also if the entire sovereignty of the country is entirely dependent on the right man being elected President in four months then the country is utterly fucked already. If the system works then why do people who undermine the country’s sovereignty get elected in the first place?

      • Winston

        I will say that isn’t just the US in this situation. France is in a similar situation. For the last 7 years the sensible people placed all of their hopes in Macron not being a shithead but Macron is in fact a shithead so the country is fucked.

  120. Festus

    Trump should have done the traditional Russian greeting at the start of the debate. Big hug and cheek kisses.

  121. Festus

    It’s probably been said before but Trump’s closing remark should have consisted of two words – “Energy Independence!”

  122. Winston

    If Biden is the US’ Brezhnev then who will be the US’ Gorbachev?

  123. CPRM

    I’m a film nerd, who went to film school when digital was just starting to replace film, so this old hat to me, but might be mysticism to some of you.

    Why is HD 1080p? Hint, lots of government comities.

    Back before I had to guy back and scale down my production company because my business partners were ass hats, we actually had a meeting with a guy from local market TV, because we were working in HD and they weren’t, so maybe we could do some of their production. Nothing ever came of it.

  124. PieInTheSky

    from the old world all this looks riveting.

    You should offer the job to Milei.

  125. Gustave Lytton

    Joe looks like a guy waiting for the needle to be inserted. Re-elect the shit bird. I want to see what another four years of this joker looks like.

  126. Gustave Lytton

    Mr Showering with his daughter is very worried about making sure incest babies can be aborted….

    • CPRM

      Hey, nine men in the 70s decided what is best for women, stop your sexist bullshit!

  127. Gustave Lytton

    Doctors like Mengele and Jill should decide what should happen to women. Go Joe, go!

  128. Gustave Lytton

    Maga republicans controlling congress? Be still my heart!

  129. Sean

    Whelp, I guess the world didn’t end last night. So that’s nice.

    🌄👀😛

    Let’s try a different groove this morning.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cEWiJR9qeoc

    🎶🎶

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean and U!

      I stayed up way too late last night. I hope I don’t have to do a lot of braining at work today. 🥱

      • UnCivilServant

        Today is the first day of parking in my new lot at work.

        “You’ve been here for sooo long you now get to park closer to the office.”

      • Gender Traitor

        See? There’s at least SOME benefit to seniority! 😃

      • Fourscore

        Biden agrees. Seniority for the win!

      • UnCivilServant

        The weirdest part is that I get the feeling “I’m not supposed to be here” that usually comes from tresspassing, or wandering into an establishment where the people don’t want me, just from parking in the lot my new tag is for.

      • Gender Traitor

        You’ll get used to being there – and will be very glad of it on days with bad weather!

      • UnCivilServant

        Not really – the roads in and out are not places I like being in bad weather.

        I was about to wonder how you knew it was in a covered garage, but then I realized you were talking about the shorter walk…

    • UnCivilServant

      Popcorn always gets kernel casing stuck in my teeth.

      Always.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Trump did passably well and the format actually benefited him as it tamped doen his tendencies to ramble and be overly combative. Biden looked just terrible: physically frail and confused and rambling. There’s a reason the left wing talking heads and pundits are losing their shit.

  130. Rat on a train

    I missed it. I assume from the betting average change it didn’t go well for Brandon.

    • Rat on a train

      “As long as I am trying to prove whites are bad I can get grants.”

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        It’s not our fault our ancestors had to rely on alternative sources of Vitamin D.

    • Suthenboy

      That is some first class gibberish right there.

    • Beau Knott

      Tell that to the Nordics and Celts. I haven’t ‘digested milk’ without biochemical assistance since my late teens.

  131. Tres Cool

    suh fam
    yo what’s goody

    Hey from Elyria!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, homey, Stinky, and Roat!

  132. Gender Traitor

    Oh, thank goodness! I just thought to log in to my 401(k) account, and the contributions from our 5/24 and 6/7 paydays have FINALLY been credited to my account! (The one from our 6/21 pay was made sooner for some inexplicable reason.) Now I can tell the gal who got fired at the end of May that she can FINALLY close our her account! 🙄

    • UnCivilServant

      And never have to deal with her again?

      • Gender Traitor

        Oh, lordy, I hope so! At least she just emailed me and didn’t call in hysterics!

  133. Suthenboy

    Things have always been bad and pols always liars but what we are seeing today is more than amorality. It is pure lunacy. The D’s have become the party of demoralization. FFS they are running a dementia patient for president. Think about that for a minute.
    I can see the D’s party dying but we will still be left with the individuals. Cant we exile them or something?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      They gambled on having an easily controllable mental deficient in the WH for another four years and it’s boomeranged on them bigly.

  134. R.J.

    Good morning! Is everyone energized from the debate last night?

    • Nephilium

      I made the wise decision not to watch it. I could tell it was a trainwreck by the lack of stories about the debate in my newsfeed this morning. There were more stories from pre-debate about the debate than post-debate.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I’m wiped out-had to get drunk to watch it and got keyed up during so couldn’t sleep. I hope my coworker with the Adderal prescription is in today.

  135. Ted S.

    The debate brought a lot more comments to an overnight post here than in ages.