Introducing: The Return of the Revenge of Woke Charmed: Woke Charmed Tudors

by | Sep 5, 2024 | Woke Charmed | 155 comments

Greetings, Glibertariat!

Only real Ethians get this reference, comment if ur a real Ethian

I come bearing glad (?) tidings of a new series! While it may not technically be Woke Charmed, it has every potential to be its spiritual successor: Unnecessarily woke? Check! Charmed? Believe it or not, check! Why do I say believe it or not? Well, you see…

This one’s going to be a bit of a long story.

Once upon a time, I read a book. The year was 2016. Twitter’s cursed new algorithm hadn’t taken effect yet and everyone was assuming Hillary was going to be ascending to the throne shortly. People were in high spirits and social media had not yet turned into an inescapable hellswamp yet. Instead of an inescapable barrage of political sewage, people were making posts about, you know, stuff they liked rather than stuff they hated.

Which is how I came to hear about the hot new YA book of the summer, the book everyone was SO excited to read, the book that people just couldn’t wait for. It was being pitched as a Princess Bride-esque fantasy/comedy/romance romp, and it sounded really cute. So, of course, I preordered it and was very excited to read it the day it arrived on my doorstep.

And OH MY GOD, IT WAS THE WORST BOOK I’D EVER READ IN MY LIFE

This thing was so offensively bad that I stewed about it for years. It was written in this incredibly cringe try-hard “humorous” voice. It was riddled with plotholes that were lampshaded by parenthetical asides from the authors in the exact style of early 2000s fanfics. It crammed in as many pop culture references as it physically could, including direct quotes from movies and TV shows like Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Titanic, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and more—in a book that took place in 1553. This book was a 2009-era Nickelodeon/Disney Channel sitcom in written format, including the canned laughter.

And what was this book about, you may ask?

Oh, just the gruesome and bloody clash between the Protestants and the Catholics during the tumultuous period after the death of Henry VIII, culminating in the horrific execution by beheading of Lady Jane Grey.

That’s right: I’m talking about MY LADY JANE.

Lightweight source material, perfect for the tween crowd

This book, as mentioned earlier, is one that I’ve been raging about off and on for the last 8 years. Every once in a while I’ll think about it (or one of the other FIVE BOOKS IN THE GODDAMN SERIES, because this thing sold so well that they just keep making more) and get really pissed off again.

So I’m sure you can imagine my reaction a couple weeks ago when I went to Amazon and saw this banner emblazoned across the top of the screen.

My initial reaction was to cover my ears and hum and hope that it would disappear in a few weeks. But then something happened that caught my attention… this meme, floating around the interwebs…

When I saw this on Glibertarian Element, I knew it could be one thing and one thing only. I knew within an instant. I knew.

And thus, I come to you now, bringing you… Woke Charmed Tudors.

What This Is About and Why I Call It Woke Charmed

Now, before we get too deep into the weeds here, I feel I should explain why I am drawing a comparison between this show and Woke Charmed instead of what you may feel is the more obvious race-bending comparison of Bridgerton, especially considering that Amazon itself is trying to pitch it as a Bridgerton competitor and poach that audience from Netflix. You see, there is a special element to this series that I’ve neglected to mention up to this point. An element which, at the end of the day, is the number one reason why I was so disgusted with this book when I read it.

Because you know how in real life, the Protestants and the Catholics were the ones killing each other, over religious disagreements? Well, we can’t do that in a book for tweens, especially not back in 2016. It’s too messy and political. So you know what they did instead? They made the conflict be about

So, in the world of My Lady Jane, there are people who can shapeshift into animals. In the book, these people are called Eðians. In the show, this is spelled Ethians, which is good for me because copying and pasting that ð every time I say it was going to be a big pain in the ass.

Despite the fact that these Ethians seem to be pretty normal and common in the world of My Lady Jane, and the fact that there are NUMEROUS PEOPLE IN THE ROYAL FAMILY WHO ARE ETHIANS, Ethians are persecuted and marginalized by the mean evil 😡VERITIES😡

The Verities have a church, which is supposed to be the Catholic church, and it is evil. The existence of the Verity church is the only time religion is ever mentioned in this book. As being mean. And evil. And somehow being very powerful. And persecuting those good, righteous magical Ethians for who they are, okay??

All the Protestants are Ethians, and they are good. They’re the good guys, and they are noble and pure. They are freedom fighters. They believe in justice and equality. And the Catholics, they’re Verities, and they are BAD. They not only don’t like the good and noble Ethians, they also are just mean people who kick puppies.

THIS IS FINE, RIGHT?? THIS IS FINE.

So, of course, Lady Jane Grey, devoutly religious woman of the sixteenth century, is now a fucking WITCH. THIS IS HOW WE VINDICATE HER MEMORY TO THE AGES, CAPISCE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HER HEADLESS CORPSE IS NOW ROLLING IN HER GRAVE BECAUSE YOU ASCRIBED WHAT SHE WOULD HAVE SEEN AS THE POWERS OF SATAN TO HER—

My Predictions For This Show

I am writing this intro before having watched any episodes, because I want to give you my predictions upfront. And here they are:

  1. I thoroughly expect that this show is going to be so much worse than the book. I just finished telling you all how much I hated this book and how I’ve been stewing in my hatred of it for 8 years. The show is going to be worse. I am going to be complaining about stuff they changed from the book. I am going to be comparing it to the book the way a Harry Potter fan bitches about the shit they changed in the movies. By the time this is over, you’re going to think I liked this book because of how much worse the show is.
  2. Since Amazon is framing it as a Bridgerton competitor, I fully expect it to be porn. The book is not porn. The book, as I mentioned before, is a Nickelodeon show in book form. It’s written for tweens. Not even teens, tweens. The spiciest elements of this book are 16-year-old Edward VI longing to kiss a girl with tongue, and the last line of the book, after Jane and Guildford Dudley (called G, homeboys) get married, being: “P.S. They totally consummated!” Infantile fare, here. But that’s not what’s going to happen in the show. It’s going to be filthy, filthy porn. You know. An adaptation of a book written for TWELVE-YEAR-OLDS—
  3. See, I am already comparing it unfavorably to the book. This show is going to change me. It’s going to make me worse as a person. But I’m doing it anyway, for all of you.
  4. Edward VI, the black gay king pictured above, is not going to be disabled. I can actually guarantee this with 100% certitude because I watched the trailer and he’s walking around. The reason he’s in the wheelchair in the promo image is because the EVIL VERITIES are poisoning him because the EVIL VERITY MARY wants to be queen. (That’s how they write off Edward VI’s IRL death, and he doesn’t die in this. Spoiler.) So sorry to disappoint you all on that one. However, this doesn’t change the fact that they racebent him and turned him gay, transforming his romance with a Scottish Ethian rebel girl from the book into a romance with possibly a Spaniard?? gay Ethian rebel dude. This is from the trailer, so. Not a huge spoiler. But still. Sorry.

Anyway! I am going to start watching this shitshow now. Look forward to the first episode recap in the coming days. Prepare yourselves: while it may have not Connerparkerdemonprince or hobo bag lady lesbian love interests or Jamaican voodoo priestesses warning of da ibi, I can guarantee that it’s going to contain more than enough derp to lower your IQ by multiple percentage points.

About The Author

Mythical Libertarian Woman

Mythical Libertarian Woman

Who is MLW? The people of the local village only speak of her in whispers and fear. They say she lives up on the mountain, consorting with all manner of spirits. Children are warned never to approach her cabin for fear of being eaten. At times the women of the village will leave offerings and requests to her, hoping she will beckon the power of the Dark Gods to do their bidding. On every Hallow's Eve, a single child is left chained to a rock near her dwelling, in the hopes that such an offering will please her and remove the village from her ire.

155 Comments

  1. juris imprudent

    Critical Drinker got nothing on you sister!

    • R C Dean

      I love a good rant about a hatewatch.

      *pops corn*

  2. The Late P Brooks

    This book was a 2009-era Nickelodeon/Disney Channel sitcom in written format, including the canned laughter.

    Ewww.

  3. Not Adahn

    Rock on!

    • Ted S.

      Where do we go from here?

  4. UnCivilServant

    On one hand, my tolerance for racebending is 0%.

    On the other, I have faith that your recap will be worth the secondhand exposure to the source material.

    • WTF

      Yes, I could never bring myself to watch this crap, but I eagerly anticipate MLW’s reviews.
      MLW, we owe you a giant debt of gratitude for exposing yourself to this toxic sludge for our entertainment.

  5. EvilSheldon

    So, in the world of My Lady Jane, there are people who can shapeshift into animals. In the book, these people are called Eðians. In the show, this is spelled Ethians…

    And that’s totally not a cutesy misspelling of Therians.

    This may be such a shitshow that I feel compelled to watch it myself (and not just for the furry porn, although that would certainly count as a bonus…) Hopefully I’ll get through Delicious in Dungeon in time to join in…

    • Not Adahn

      Well see, ethians is spelled with an eth, therians is spelled with a thorn.

      Unrelatedly, I am not feeling good about this Nats. They forgot to name the stages, so the CROs have been asked to do so. I am assuming my suggestion of “The Round Count is 30,” will be rejected, so I suggested “Wing it.”

      I also can’t get anyone to tell me what time or what DAY I need to be there.

      • EvilSheldon

        Whooo boy. I’ll hold my tongue until I see some photos of the stage layout, but this isn’t a good sign.

        Also, I know I’ve said it before, but a national championship really should not be competitor reset.

      • Not Adahn

        Area 7 (with a staff reset) worked great. But that’s because SIG was willing to throw gobs of money at having a large staff. People are already bitching that Nats are too expensive.

        I have no idea why the made the President the MD for the national matches, but that was a terrible change to the bylaws (which is undoubtedly why that’s on the agenda to get changed at the next board meeting.) And also YML kind of sucks at the match directing.

      • EvilSheldon

        It is expensive, I get that, but it’s also Nationals. The one USPSA match that really matters.

        I do wonder if the same bitches that are bitching about the Nats match fee are also bitching about Nats’ diminishing quality?

      • Ted S.

        Relevant

        (Unfortunately I can’t find the Richard Carlson version from the movie.)

    • Sensei

      Delicious in Dungeon

      This is an example where the anime is better than the manga. I can definitely recommend the manga.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’m quite surprised at how much I’ve been enjoying it – I normally don’t care for D&D comedy at all.

  6. Tundra

    Ewww.

    (But I’ll still read your reviews. Welcome back!)

  7. The Other Kevin

    You’re getting entirely too excited about this. Which adds immensely to your writing. Looking forward to the next one.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    …so I don’t have to.

    Welcome back, your saintliness.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    On a completely unrelated note… I watched Howard the Duck last night. It was not, despite the delectable young Lea Thompson, good.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Cowinner of the 1986 Razzie.

  10. The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

    ‘ social media had not yet turned into an inescapable hellswamp yet.’

    I find this harder to believe than if you told me the ethians were real.

    ‘the exact style of early 2000s fanfics.’

    I didn’t make it one (run-on) sentence through your link. Thanks for sharing that.

    ‘The king of England is gay black and disabled’

    Sounds about right for the Modern Day. I just hope the actor isn’t faking it.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Faking it?

      The gay part or the the differently abled part?

      Either way, burn the witch.

      • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

        Both.

      • Ted S.

        The black part.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    However, this doesn’t change the fact that they racebent him and turned him gay, transforming his romance with a Scottish Ethian rebel girl from the book into a romance with possibly a Spaniard?? gay Ethian rebel dude.

    Furtive coquettish glances with much batting of eyelashes, oh how nice for you.

  12. Mojeaux

    Thank you. Gay Tudor, no problem. Black Tudor, problem. I checked out as soon as I saw the trailer for that botched abortion.

    Regarding black royalty, I have a bone to pick with all my black female writer friends rejoicing that a black woman got married to a white man and they were calling this a victory and “A black woman got her Prince Charming!” Why is this a victory? Why is this something to coo over? Yes, there is a whole romance subgenre of black women with white men, which is no big deal. There’s thug life romance too. But with Harkle, there are so many layers of neuroticism in that, I couldn’t unpack it in a gazillion years.

  13. Sean

    I’m in!

    Great intro and now I can’t wait for the next installment.

    • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

      ‘I’m in!’
      Said the King of England said to the Spaniard.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    ‘The king of England is gay black and disabled’

    Sounds about right for the Modern Day. I just hope the actor isn’t faking it.

    They should cast a real hunchback dwarf.

    • WTF

      They should cast a real hunchback dwarf.

      Peter Dinklage would put a stop to that, since he’s apparently the only little person who gets to work in Hollywood as a little person.

      • Nephilium

        You haven’t heard? Dinklage refuses to play any role where his height is a key character trait anymore. You know, after building a career after playing a character known as the Imp.

      • Pat

        What’s Danny Woodburn, chopped liver? (OK, yes, Seinfeld was… OK, Jesus Christ, Seinfeld wasn’t 26 years ago…)

      • EvilSheldon

        Peter Dinklage is a living object lesson in why you shouldn’t read your own press.

      • Timeloose

        He did play a Billy Mitchel like character in Pixels. That role did exploit his size as a potential source of jokes. He does well to make the viewers forget the stature of his characters.

      • rhywun

        A midget, in a dream?

        There it is.

        I need to pop that in soon. So great.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        I always lose it when the eyepatch moves to the lead actor.

    • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

      ‘They should cast a real hunchback dwarf.’

      Anything less is hate crime.

  15. ron73440

    This* sounds amazing.

    Really enjoyed your opening rant, can’t wait for the rest.

    Thanks for doing this to yourself.

    *Not the show or the book, but your reviews.

  16. The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

    “The Verities have a church, which is supposed to be the Catholic church, and it is evil. The existence of the Verity church is the only time religion is ever mentioned in this book. As being mean. And evil. And somehow being very powerful. And persecuting those good, righteous magical Ethians for who they are, okay??

    All the Protestants are Ethians, and they are good. They’re the good guys, and they are noble and pure. They are freedom fighters. They believe in justice and equality. And the Catholics, they’re Verities, and they are BAD. They not only don’t like the good and noble Ethians, they also are just mean people who kick puppies.”

    Seems like typical protestant propaganda.

    “So, of course, Lady Jane Grey, devoutly religious woman of the sixteenth century, is now a fucking WITCH. THIS IS HOW WE VINDICATE HER MEMORY TO THE AGES, CAPISCE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HER HEADLESS CORPSE IS NOW ROLLING IN HER GRAVE BECAUSE YOU ASCRIBED WHAT SHE WOULD HAVE SEEN AS THE POWERS OF SATAN TO HER—”
    That is more like it. 😛

    ” hobo bag lady lesbian love interests or Jamaican voodoo priestesses warning of da ibi, I can guarantee that it’s going to contain more than enough derp to lower your IQ by multiple percentage points.”
    So like a typical Wednesday Post on glibertarians, except not tongue in cheek.

  17. Pat

    comment if ur a real Ethian

    Not only am I a real Ethian, but I totally got that reference! Imagine being one of these goofy rubes who didn’t get? Not real Ethians, amirite?

    • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

      That would be crazy, us real Ethians would just laugh and laugh… right?

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Wait, are you some sort of Ethian Hawk?

    • Mythical Libertarian Woman

      Pat: Is this one of your Earth jokes?

  18. The Late P Brooks

    I’m going to crawl out on a limb and surmise “Ethian” is in no way derived from “ethical”.

    • Sensei

      There’s just something about being in a Bronco that makes you want to run from the cops…

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      WHEN STEVE SMITH SAY HIM LIKE TO FIT THINGS IN TIGHT SPACES THIS NOT WHAT HIM MEAN!

    • R C Dean

      That’s hilarious.

      Good trigger discipline on the cop, too.

  19. Nephilium

    I may have to suggest this for the girlfriend, just so I can hear the rants.

    (Note: I did not say listen to the rants. In my defense, she doesn’t generally listen to my rants either.)

    • Not Adahn

      But why? Doesn’t he know it’s all a hoax?

      • kinnath

        quick sentence; allows time for a pardon before Biden leaves office.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Dark Cracky told him to play it out for the lulz.

      • Pat

        IMO, any plea that avoids a trial should be recorded in the manner of an Alford plea; the burden is on the government, not the defendant. By accepting a deal, the defendant should, by default, be presumed to maintain their innocence.

    • R C Dean

      This isn’t even the first time he’s planned to plead guilty. The first plea deal that was so egregious the judge threw it out.

  20. Pat

    I feel I should explain why I am drawing a comparison between this show and Woke Charmed instead of what you may feel is the more obvious race-bending comparison of Bridgerton

    Presuming that’s a reference to that blackwashed Netflix Queen Charlotte thing, I had to endure a few episodes of that to placate a female companion, as one does. The series was, fortunately, truncated by said female’s wildly incorrect perception that I resemble the actor portraying King George in the show. I am both autistic and argumentative enough to have offered at least my token disagreement and protest. Although later I conferred with my supposed friends, expecting them to vindicate me, only to have them, nearly to a man, take her side. I DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT GUY!

    But on to the topic at hand: Why can NOBODY do a fucking metaphor anymore? Left or right? Has the form just become too hackneyed, or is it the creeping political didacticism in every form of art now? Alternatively, has metaphor always been this bludgeoningly aggressive, and we’re just sufficiently divorced from the historical examples that we are able to overlook it? Being a bastard protestant, I’m not particularly invested in any defense of Catholicism or orthodoxy, but the tropes would still be an eyeroll from me.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      Are you trying to tell me that you aren’t the ghost of John Spencer?

  21. Gustave Lytton

    I think I’ll rewatch an episode of Doctor Who.

    • Pat

      I’m making my way through Night Gallery in my limited free time. Otherwise, substitute X-Files, Twilight Zone, Seinfeld or Corner Gas for Doctor Who.

  22. Cowboy

    Looking forward to this. Why are Amazon’s adaptations always such a dumpster fire? They have plenty of cash to do it right, but instead choose to create whatever “all of this” is.

    I’m still incredibly salty about their WoT abomination.

    • Nephilium

      They changed a lot for WoT, but the second season did some course correction. You still have to deal with the random isolated village in a world where travel for the common man is rare and difficult is fully culturally and racially diverse.

      But at least it wasn’t Fallout rape the canon bad.

      On the other hand, I’m still enjoying Reacher, Invincible, and (surprising me) Caped Crusader.

    • Pat

      I’m still incredibly salty about their WoT abomination.

      To be fair, the War on Terrorism was awful source material.

      (*Not at all out of the loop)

    • Not Adahn

      I enjoyed their Peripheral, though I don’t know how it deviated from the source material. I’m also going to watch s2 of Outer Range

    • UnCivilServant

      I really hope the 40k falls apart. I don’t want to see what Amazon does to the franchise.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Heckle and Jeckle are going nuts outside. They seem to be pissed about something.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of old shows, I am working my way through Moonlighting.

    a) I had forgotten how beautiful 1980s Cybill Shepherd was

    b) the writing and stories hold up really well

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Heeere’s Petruchio!

      I remember that line being all the rage for a while at my highschool. Great show…

    • Urthona

      It does until about season three and then it goes right up its own ass.

      yes she was beautiful.

      • Tundra

        We bailed halfway through season 2. Really dug it up to that point, though!

  25. ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

    I wonder if this was what my wife was watching and howling with laughter at a little while ago. See, I loath TV, and she has pretty much taken to viewing any programs on her phone with earpieces on, as i will make snide comments no matter what it is, and I asked what she was laughing derisively about. When she explained it, that it was historical England with lots of African people and a ton of sex, and watched my eyebrows go up. She then, still laughing, told me exactly who this was for: women who never left college emotionally.

    As a bigwig at OSU, these are the women who report too her. The admins, clerks, librarians, etc. The girls who spent their whole time in school taking various “studies” classes, wishing they slept with a BIPOC (to use the term du jour), or did sleep with BIPOCs and now don’t think they can tell their husband about it due to the shame of sleeping around (in their eyes).

    Mind you, this is all my very liberal wife’s interpretation, both of the show and her employee’s.

    • Mythical Libertarian Woman

      Yes and yes, so it probably was this show

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Also, nice to have you about, MLW!

      • Mythical Libertarian Woman

        😀

    • R C Dean

      “she has pretty much taken to viewing any programs on her phone with earpieces on, as i will make snide comments no matter what it is”

      Same here, although Mrs. Dean uses a tablet. And I guess the snide comments are involuntary, because I really don’t try to, don’t mean to, and don’t remember doing so. But she swears I do. I have noticed that she has a version of me in her head who seems to be a real asshole; maybe it was him.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        “I saw that eyeroll, Mr. Zwak!”

      • Ted S.

        The rest of us have that version of you in our heads, too. :-p

      • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

        “I saw that eyeroll, Mr. Zwak!”

        My wife can hear me roll my eyes in the other room.

    • Pat

      Worse yet, assign an agent to each end user to ensure they have read and understood the full EULA…

    • Gustave Lytton

      Not to mention, government required date will eventually become device will brick itself on that date so it can’t be used.

      • Sensei

        Good point!

      • Nephilium

        I too remember the Sonos “upgrade” scandal.

        (Not going to hunt it down, but long story short they offered upgrade pricing. In order to get it, you had to brick your old device so it was unusable.)

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Today, in tactical prevarication

    Billionaire investor Mark Cuban on Thursday insisted that Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris would not tax unrealized gains as president.

    “Every conversation I’ve had is that it’s not going to happen,” Cuban said on CNBC’s “Squawk Box.”

    Cuban, who says he speaks with Harris’ team frequently, maintained to CNBC that she is not interested in taxing unrealized gains.

    He cautioned, “I’m not going to speak for the vice president, she makes the final decision.”

    Still, “I’m talking to these folks three, four times a week, having back-and-forth conversations, and their verbatim words to me is, ‘That’s not where we want to go.’”

    Tell us, Mark. Is she lying to us, or is she lying to you?

    • Sensei

      It’s not going to happen. But it sounds good to the masses.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Granted, but the fact that Cuban did not outright say that the very idea of a tax on paper wealth is insane is alarming.

      • Sensei

        Yes, but when actually dealing with DC and financial regulators for real and not as a talking head you have to “validate” their crazy feelings first.

        Otherwise they will dig in out of spite.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        I suppose so… it reflects poorly on everyone involved, all the same.

    • Urthona

      I mean she wants it to happen though.

      it’s not going to happen because of other people.

    • The Other Kevin

      First she told us nothing, then she says something and dozens of emissaries go around telling different groups of people exactly what they want to hear.

    • Gustave Lytton

      “I’m not going to speak for the vice president

      And that is why her campaign will keep her locked away. It’s like playing a game of tag with no touchbacks.

      This is truly amazing how in the tank the press corps and bobble heads are. None of them are calling any of this out.

    • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

      “Cuban, who says he speaks with Harris’ team frequently, ”

      Is that who she’s getting her dumber ideas from?

  27. The Late P Brooks

    This just in

    Russian President Vladimir Putin raised eyebrows Thursday when he expressed his support for US Vice President Kamala Harris’ presidential bid, flattering the Democratic nominee with some curiously timed remarks.

    “Our ‘favorite,’ if you can call it that, was the current president, Mr. [Joe] Biden. But he was removed from the race, and he recommended all his supporters to support Ms. Harris. Well, we will do so – we will support her,” Putin said Thursday at the Eastern Economic Forum in Vladivostok. “She laughs so expressively and infectiously that it means that she is doing well.”

    Putin also criticized former president and current Republican nominee Donald Trump for placing “so many restrictions and sanctions against Russia like no other president has ever introduced before him.”

    Don’t throw me in that briar patch.

    • rhywun

      I can’t wait to hear reporters not asking her about this.

  28. R.J.

    “ Once upon a time, I read a book.”

    Me too. I immediately turned my gaze to crappy movies and rotted my brain.

    • Urthona

      Can’t believe she’s still leading Trump in the polls, but you can’t underestimate the American voter enough.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Modern polls are intended to manufacture consent not reflect the will of the people, apply sodium chloride accordingly.

      • kinnath

        She isn’t. The media and the pollsters are lying through their fucking teeth to lay the groundwork for massive voter fraud.

      • Gustave Lytton

        See also, abortion polls.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Nate Silver’s latest has a hard turn going on.

        Haven’t dug into it to see what he says is causing it.

      • R C Dean

        What kinnath said.

        All the machinery is still in place from 2020. It’s been refined since then, you can be sure. The ability to manufacture and count enough ballots isn’t in doubt.

        The polls are just the battlespace prep.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Or, enough people are scared shitless/pissed off about the R’s abortion politics to feel OK since she isn’t Biden, what with his obvious dementia.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Even if she loses, they’re juking the numbers so she’s President Popular Vote. Utter bullshit.

    • Drake

      ^This^

  29. Tundra

    OT:

    I don’t recall which one of You People® recommended the Cormoran Strike series by the chick who wrote Harry Potter (as Robert Galbraith). I’m four books in and enjoying them a lot.

    So thank you!

    • Urthona

      That is a pen name?

      • Tundra

        Yes.

    • slumbrew

      That was me, I think.

      I tore right through those; just finished the most recent one last week or so, which is maybe the best so far.

      I really enjoyed them & I’m looking forward to more.

      • Tundra

        So far I’ve found the first five in the library. They are really good. I hope she branched out more – the HP books were clearly not written for my demographic.

      • slumbrew

        I’ve got the first episode of the TV series queued up – looks like they’re doing a-season-per-book and are staying reasonable faithful, but I’m not sure I’ll want to sit through all the episodes when I already know whodunnit.

        My early reaction was the actor playing Strike is a bit too handsome / not quite big enough, the Robin actress appears well-cast but the Charlotte actress isn’t nearly attractive enough to be the head-turning beauty she is in the books.

      • kinnath

        I just ordered 7 books. These better be good.

      • slumbrew

        She really is a good writer – and prolific; last 3 were all ~ 1,000 pages.

        I was lucky – library had all of them readily available, save one (which I bought, because I didn’t want to wait on the hold).

        Our library does Overdrive, which is great – still get the convenience of the Kindle w/o the book cost.

      • slumbrew

        de gustibus, kinnath, but I greatly enjoyed them.

    • Gustave Lytton

      I haven’t read them but watched all of the TV series. Enjoyed all of them and almost all were top notch.

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Shocking revelation from Former Congressperson Bitchy McBitchface

    Republican former Rep. Liz Cheney will vote for Vice President Kamala Harris in November, she said during remarks at Duke University, according to audio obtained by CNN.

    The former Wyoming congresswoman noted the importance of voting for Harris in states like North Carolina, where she appeared on Wednesday.

    “I think it is crucially important for people to recognize, not only is what I just said about the danger that Trump poses something that should prevent people from voting for him, but I don’t believe that we have the luxury of writing in candidates’ names, particularly in swing states,” Cheney said.

    You could knock me over with a feather.

    • The Other Kevin

      “The former Wyoming congresswoman”

      The only attention she’s getting is in the Democrat echo chamber. She sure isn’t getting attention from voters.

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Doesn’t she have a daddy-daughter hunting trip to get to?

    • Gustave Lytton

      What shock that uniparty cunte would go for Harris.

  31. one true athena

    Haha love the rant. I’ve seen clips of the show around and thought it was basically Reign. I didn’t know all the magic stuff or especially that it’s from a tween series. What a strange choice to adapt for an adult series when there are no shortage of historicals and fantasy books.

    • Tundra
      • Nephilium

        I believe she’s referring to this which the girlfriend noped out of during the pilot.

      • Tundra
    • Mythical Libertarian Woman

      Yeah, you will see in the episode recaps that the ultra-adult stuff mixed with the immature tween stuff they left makes for a VERY bizarre combination. Also lots of parents pissed because their kids read the books and, you know, expected the TV show of said books to match the appropriateness level.

  32. The Late P Brooks

    I’m not going to speak for the vice president

    But here you are, “clarifying” her position and laying down suppressive fire.

    • slumbrew

      A new life awaits you in the off-world colonies!

    • kinnath

      Uh, where does the fuel go to support four jet engines?

      • slumbrew

        “Hey, I’m a designer, not an engineer – they’ll have to figure that out”

  33. The Late P Brooks

    1971 Ford Torino Squire Station Wagon 429 Cobra Jet

    Nice. Too bad it doesn’t have a 4-speed.

  34. Timeloose

    This show sounds like complete garbage. I look forward to reading about you watching it. I appreciate you acting as physical and mental isolation from this content for the rest of us. We wouldn’t want the contagion to spread, high voltage to cross, or poison to breach the crud brain barrier.

  35. The Late P Brooks

    Just for laughs, I did a search for the term “briar patch”.

    Nary a tar baby reference to be seen.

    • Nephilium

      I was of an appropriate age to be among the last cohort that was able to watch Song of the South in the theaters. Now that’s something that’s been memory holed.

      • kinnath

        I remember dining at Sambo’s

      • Tundra

        1977 in Little Rock. The kid’s menu had comics. I wish I would have known enough to make a scene.

  36. Sensei

    Props for creativity!

    FBI busts musician’s elaborate AI-powered $10M streaming-royalty heist
    https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2024/09/fbi-busts-musicians-elaborate-ai-powered-10m-streaming-royalty-heist/

    Michael Smith, 52, allegedly used AI to create hundreds of thousands of fake songs by nonexistent bands, then streamed them using bots to collect royalties from platforms like Spotify, Apple Music, and Amazon Music.

    Only the US government can create value out of nothing like this.

    • Timeloose

      I’m surprised some artists haven’t tried to do the same with their own songs.

    • The Other Kevin

      That’s an interesting case. If he actually recorded a bunch of song under different band names, would that have been ok? Not sure I see the crime.

      • Sensei

        My assumption without reading anything is that the AI bot listening accounts would violate the Terms of Service.

      • Timeloose

        I’m referring to having a army of bots streaming them (a obscure artist’s songs) enough to generate a significant amount of cheddar.

  37. The Late P Brooks

    I’ve been eyeballing early 1970’s Ford/Lincoln gentleman’s coupes. Those with the 460’s are a head, cam, and induction swap away from being a lot of fun in a really big package.

    Long long ago, when the Goodguys hotrod/drag (you know what I mean) fest was at Indianapolis Raceway Park, I ended up behind a black ’60s Lincoln Continental on Crawfordsvillr Rd. It had giant rear tires, sounded like a funny car, and was polished to a mirror finish. Verry impressive.

  38. creech

    Word from GOP internal poll in PA is that Trump is only down by 4 percent now, was 5 percent a week ago. Had lunch with a former colleague yesterday – well educated, executive, legal type: she is TDS infected, knows Harris is empty suit and has awful economic plans but sees a vote for her as putting a final nail in the coffin of Trump and misogynistic GOP. Believes very little of what President Harris wants can actually be passed, “so don’t worry about it when she wins.”

    • Sensei

      Pay no attention to judicial appointments and regulatory decisions that will never be reversed.

      They don’t call them the stupid party for nothing.

    • Tundra

      Did she just wake from a coma?

      • creech

        Life long New England Democrat.

    • Sean

      “No one likes cheap food, cheap energy, or affordable housing.”

      I fucking hate people.

  39. The Late P Brooks

    she is TDS infected, knows Harris is empty suit and has awful economic plans but sees a vote for her as putting a final nail in the coffin of Trump and misogynistic GOP. Believes very little of what President Harris wants can actually be passed, “so don’t worry about it when she wins.”

    “That Lenin guy is just a dilettante, and his people are a mob of empty-headed peasants. We have nothing to worry about.”