Stoic Friday LXXII

by | Jul 19, 2024 | Advice, LifeSkills, Musings | 94 comments

Last Week

Meditations

How to Be a Stoic

How to Think Like a Roman Emperor

Senecaā€™s Letters from a Stoic

If you have anger issues, this one is a great tool (h/t mindyourbusiness)

This weekā€™s book:

Discourses and Selected Writings

Disclaimer: Iā€™m not your Supervisor. These are my opinions after reading through these books a few times.

Epictetus was born a slave around 50 ad. His owner was Epaphroditus, a rich freedman who was once a slave of Nero. Though he was a slave Epictetus was sent to study philosophy under Musonius Rufus.

Epictetus was lame and there are some stories it was caused by his master and others that it was caused by disease.

He was a freedman when all philosophers were banished from Rome in 89 by the Emperor Domitian. He then started his school in Greece, and had many students. He did not leave any writings from his lessons, but one of his students, Flavius Arrian, took notes and wrote the Discourses.

Epictetus did not marry, had no children, and lived to be around 80-85. In retirement, he adopted a child that would have been abandoned and raised him with a woman.

He died sometime around AD 135.

He might be my favorite Stoic teacher. I love his bare bones and very straight forward approach.

Following is a paragraph-by-paragraph discussion of one of his lessons. Epictetusā€™s text appears in bold, my replies are in normal text.

To the man who look sides, in an undignified manner, while in a theater

The Procurator of Epirus took the side of a comic actor in a somewhat undignified manner and was reviled by the people for doing so. Thereupon he brought word to Epictetus that he had been reviled, and gave expression to his indignation at the men who had so reviled him.

I used to be bothered by what other kids thought of me. When I was in second grade I had to get glasses and the ones I had were very thick and the frames were heavy plastic. As a sinny goofy looking kid, I was bullied for years.

In Junior High, I started fighting anyone that made fun of me. For those 2 years I didn’t really have friends, but I wasn’t bullied much anymore. Luckily we moved and in my new school I was able to find friends. After I joined the Marines, I got really good at handling jokes about myself.

Why, what wrong were they doing? said Epictetus. They too were taking sides, just as you yourself were. But when the other asked. Is that the way, then, in which a man takes sides? he replied, Yes, they saw you, their Governor, the friend and Procurator of Caesar, taking sides in this way, and weren’t they likely to take sides themselves in the same way? Why, if people should not take sides in this way, you had better not do so yourself; but if they should, why are you angry if they imitated you? For whom have the people to imitate but you, their superior? Whom do they look to but you, when they go to the theaters? “See,” says one of them, “how the Procurator of Caesar acts in the theater; he shouts; very well, I’ll shout too. He jumps up and down; I’ll jump up and down too. His claque of slaves sit in different parts of the house and shout, whereas I haven’t any slaves; very well, I’ll shout as loud as I can to make up for all of them.”

Being a leader in the Corps, it became apparent that Junior Marines would get away with everything their immediate superior tries to get away with. This knowledge was reinforced when I saw my kids growing up.

5You ought to know, then, that when you enter the theater, you enter as a standard of behaviour and as an example to the rest, showing them how they ought to act in the theater. Why, then, did they revile you? Because every man hates what stands in his way. They wanted So-and-so to get the crown, while you wanted the other man to get it. They were standing in your way, and you in theirs. You turned out to be the stronger; they did what they could, and reviled what was standing in their way. What, then, do you wish? That you should be able to do what you wish, but that they should not even say what they wish?

This attitude reminds me of when I was a kid and my Mom would always say “Do as I say, not as I do” when my brothers and I would question the discrepancy between what she told us to do and what she did. I vowed to myself that I would not do that as a parent and I don’t think I ever said that. While my actions did not always match what I told the kids to do, I was able to explain the reasons being an adult was different than being a child. The same goes for a government official decrying the actions of the populace at the theater when he was doing the same type of things.

And what is there surprising in all that? Don’t the farmers revile Zeus, when he stands in their way? Don’t the sailors revile Zeus? Do men ever stop reviling Caesar? What then? Doesn’t Zeus know about it? Isn’t Caesar informed of what is said? What, then, does he do? He knows that if he punishes all who revile him he will have no one left to rule over. What then? Ought you upon entering the theater to say, “Come, let’s see that Sophron gets the crown”? and not rather, “Come, let me in this subject-matter maintain my moral purpose in accord with nature”?

Everyone has resentment against the powers that prevent their lives from improving, whether they actually do or are simply believed to be impeding.

10No one is dearer to me than myself; it is absurd, therefore, for me to let myself be hurt in order that another man may win a victory as a comic actor.ā€”Whom, then, do I wish to win the victory? The victor; and so the one whom I wish to win the victory will always win it.ā€”But I wish Sophron to get the crown.ā€”Stage as many contests as you will in your own house, and proclaim him victor in the Nemean, Pythian, Isthmian, and Olympic games; but out in public do not arrogate to yourself more than your due, and do not filch away a public privilege. Otherwise you must put up with being reviled; because, when you do the same things that the people do, you are putting yourself on their level.

I enjoy watching football and hockey and prefer when my teams win, but I don’t let it impact me once the game is over. I have known people that get upset and let it ruin their days and I have never understood that attitude.

As an example for my kids I could not act like an ass in public regardless of how I actually felt. The Roman official complaining to Epictetus has forgotten this as a ruling principle.

About The Author

ron73440

ron73440

What I told my wife when she said my steel Baby Eagle .45 was heavy, "Heavy is good, heavy is reliable, if it doesn't work you could always hit him with it."-Boris the Blade MOLON LABE

94 Comments

  1. UnCivilServant

    Today is the kind of day where I am thankful for a naturally phlegmatic disposition.

    Sure there are things which will get to me (some quite irrational), but standing amidst a major outage as the calm guy while people are running around like headless chickens is something I do well.

    Probably because I stopped caring.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I don’t think its a ‘stopped caring’ thing for me. It is experience.

      There are things that you can do, cannot do, and things that are wholly outside of your control. This one falls into that last category. If people are scrambling in the IT world, why? Nothing you can do until a fix comes in. After the fix, sure, spinning up everything will be hectic, but not pants on fire hectic.

      • UnCivilServant

        There is a fix.

        It has to be manually applied individually to the impacted systems.

      • Nephilium

        This is all outside of my control. All I can do is sit back, explain it’s with an external vendor, and wait.

        Thankfully my work didn’t get impacted too badly, but the customers I support have been struggling all day.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Was speaking generally, I know there is a fix.

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, in that case…

        Don’t you realize this is super ultra important! People can’t do their jobs, we need this back up now!

      • EvilSheldon

        The drones: “People canā€™t do their jobs, we need this back up now!”

        Me to the drones: “You all couldn’t do your jobs when you had a functioning computer. Go surf Facebook on your phone for a while, just for the novelty. Your PC will be up when it’s up.”

      • Mojeaux

        See, these are the reasons I love you all.

    • UnCivilServant

      All of my production environments were restored before the end of my workday. I can start my weekend on time.

      šŸ˜

  2. Drake

    After I joined the Marines, I got really good at handling jokes about myself.

    Yeah – That’s as much a requirement as being able to shoot a rifle and run a few miles.

    • R C Dean

      I donā€™t know if slagging each other is a guy thing generally, or more of a Southern guy thing. I learned the hard way, a long time ago, that most women donā€™t like it, and I mean really donā€™t like it.

      To me, its a sign of respect – we can both laugh at it because we both know its BS, youā€™re not really [insert insult here], youā€™re a solid guy.

      • Nephilium

        I donā€™t know if slagging each other is a guy thing generally, or more of a Southern guy thing.

        If it’s a Southern guy thing, than consider the north coast up here part of the South. One of the most epic ones I recall was in an RPG session where we were playing Tales From the Floating Vagabond, and the GM made characters for each of us players. After about 30 minutes, we were asked to hand our sheets to the player on our left, and had to play the other person.

        One of the women there remarked on how cruel the guys were to each other while playing each other.

      • Sensei

        Certainly true with my wife.

        OTH, there I have a younger female coworker who has no problem giving it and receiving it. Mind you she works with a bunch of older men so we most definitely do avoid certain topics.

  3. Ownbestenemy

    I enjoy watching football and hockey and prefer when my teams win, but I donā€™t let it impact me once the game is over. I have known people that get upset and let it ruin their days and I have never understood that attitude.

    I too never understood that. Sure I can get passionate, rowdy during the game, etc. But once the buzzer goes off or the last whistle is blown; it no longer impacts me. That is it. Get in the car, maybe grab a night cap or some late night eats and move on.

    • Nephilium

      Meh. I can bitch about it for a while with the guys after the game, but that’s about it. Because of course, we would have made the better calls in those critical moments. šŸ™‚

    • Mojeaux

      So for a lot of symbolic reasons, I cried when the Chiefs won the first Superbowl against the 49ers. I tear up almost every time I think about it. They scored 21 points in 6-7 minutes at the very end of the game, and I took that as a life lesson. I generally don’t subscribe to “never, never, never give up,” because sometimes there is a point at which you must walk away. But in a time-limited contest like that, you shouldn’t. It’s not open-ended like, say, trying to get published by someone else.

      Yeah, I get caught up in the wins and losses of “my” uniform (because with all the trades, it’s just a uniform at this point), but it’s a tribal thing. People like feeling like they’re part of a well-defined tribe.

      • The Other Kevin

        I will confess I got teared up when the Blackhawks won in 2010. I had been on vacation in the USVI and couldn’t watch the final game. But I had set my DVR just in case. I heard they won via text from my brother. When I got home I watched by myself. I just thought of all the games my dad took me to, all the seasons I watched every game. And they finally did it. You spend that much time over the years you do get invested.

      • Tundra

        Never got to see the North Stars win it all. A couple finals, but ran into the Jagr and Lemieux buzz saw.

        I didn’t really care about the Stars winning it, except it was cool to see Modano succeed. Now it’s kind of fun to be able to root for the Wild until they suck, then flip over and be an Avs fan. Finally got to experience a cup!

      • Ownbestenemy

        I will admit, the only time I have seen my father cry was when his dad passed and when the LA Kings won their first Stanley Cup….so I guess I do get it, just not more myself.

      • Drake

        Had a big cheer when the Patriots won their first Superbowl. Now I’ve reached such a point of indifference that I didn’t watch a entire game last year.

      • Tundra

        For some reason my wife and I have always watched football together. We’ve even been watching Receivers on Netflix.

        But it sure is tough being a Vikings fan.

    • DrOtto

      That’s because you didn’t have money on the game and now owe money to personal finance professionals who use terms like “the nut, vig and juice”.

      • ron73440

        I never bet on sports except twice before the season started I put $100 on the Steelers to win the Super Bowl.

        Unfourtunately, neither of the 2 times they’ve won did I do this.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    I generally donā€™t subscribe to ā€œnever, never, never give up,ā€ because sometimes there is a point at which you must walk away.

    If at first you don’t succeed, try again. If that doesn’t work, give up. There’s no sense being a damn fool about it.

    -W C Fields

  5. The Late P Brooks

    standing amidst a major outage as the calm guy while people are running around like headless chickens is something I do well.

    Sociopath confirmed.

    • Suthenboy

      Yeah, I get that a lot.

      The world keeps not ending. Chicken little never quits his clucking and squawking. I dont get excited about it.
      That doesnt mean I dont care about individuals.

      • R C Dean

        ā€œYeah, I get that a lot.ā€

        Same here. I had an employee once (another lawyer) tell me that he could tell how bad something was by how quiet I got.

    • ron73440

      Sociopath confirmed.

      That’s why I had a Fitness Report that said I was “unflappable in a firefight”.

  6. Tundra

    Good one today, Ron.

    My dad was a retail pharmacist and knew pretty much everyone in town. The man always carried himself properly and definitely set a proper example for us. As a matter of fact, my least favorite punishment was when he remided me that my behavior in public reflected on him. Total dick move.

    With my own kids I’ve tried to be consistent and moral. I’ve tried to stress to them that there is no need for drama to accompany them into public. It hasn’t always worked (particularly with the girl) but as they get older I think they are starting to understand why.

    • ron73440

      I explicitly told my son when he joined the Marines not to embarrass me.

      Our last name is unusual, so if anyone that knew me met him they would immediately ask him is we were related.

      It is so unusual that right before I retired, there were 3 Marines with that name: me, my son, and my brother.

      • creech

        Gen. Pyle?

      • R C Dean

        I can see that. 73440 is a pretty unusual last name.

  7. Mojeaux

    Husband and I went out to dinner with bro and SIL last night with my mom. My husband and I were like, “Lord, let us keep our mouths shut, amen.”

    We’re having good convo. My mom starts scrolling FB late into the dinner. Nobody cares, we’re busy having a good time. Then she laughs and says something Biden. I’m like, “We aren’t going to talk about that.” Shockingly, bro and SIL concurred. She’s like, “Butā€”” “Nope. Nope. Nope.”

    Didn’t figure my mother for a shit-stirrer. That’s usually my assigned family role.

    • ron73440

      My Granma was a shit stirrer extraordinaire.

      All of her daughters inherited that.

      I was talking to one of my uncles after his wife (one of the daughters) died.

      He said it felt like that whole family waled around a giant pile of shit and every once in awhile, one of them would go over and stir it.

    • Gustave Lytton

      My wife doesn’t get the idea that religion & politics have traditionally been taboo topics for a reason.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    And this is the part, apropos of nothing, where I once again whine about “web designers” who think everybody has latest greatest fastest interweb, and load so much extraneous crap onto a page it cripples my computer. Guess what, Home Depot- if I open a specific product link in a new tab, that’s what I want to see; not every goddam other thing in the store, too.

    • UnCivilServant

      In the same vein, I *love* when a vendor site has popups saying “Soandso just bought [Item]”. Well, that’s good for them, it’s not generating FoMo in me, and makes me question whether you’re going to tell all and sundry if I buy something from you.

      Don’t waste my resources with that crap.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Speaking of prices, polycarbonate (Lexan) seems to be going through the roof. I assume it is a petrochemical derivative.

    I’m shopping for greenhouse panels.

  10. DEG

    Being a leader in the Corps, it became apparent that Junior Marines would get away with everything their immediate superior tries to get away with. This knowledge was reinforced when I saw my kids growing up.

    That’s a good observation.

    Thanks ron!

    • Gender Traitor

      šŸ˜†

    • Tundra

      Haha! Perfect.

    • UnCivilServant

      “It appears you are having an infrastructure meltdown. Would you like help in drafting a resignation letter?”

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Today, in manufactured controversies


    It has been nearly a week since gunfire erupted at Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumpā€™s rally in Butler, Pennsylvania, resulting in an injury to the former president, the death of one attendee, Corey Comperatore, and severe injuries to two others.

    And although the images weā€™ve seen of Trump since his attempted assassination have been those of a person who was barely injured and is now in high spirits, what weā€™ve been told by the campaign offers very little insight into the former presidentā€™s condition, what kind of care he received or how his medical team will monitor him in the days and weeks ahead.

    A full public assessment of Trumpā€™s injuries is necessary, for both the former presidentā€™s own health and the clarity it can provide for voters about the recovery of the man who could become president of the United States once again. The concern is that gunshot blasts near the head can cause injuries that arenā€™t immediately noticeable, such as bleeding in or on the brain, damage to the inner ear or even psychological trauma. As a trauma neurosurgeon, I have seen how a thorough evaluation after any kind of gunshot wound can provide a complete picture and lead to a speedier recovery.

    He hasn’t curled up into a ball,paralyzed by fear?

    THAT’S NOT NORMAL.

    Doesn’t he understand the duties and responsibilities accompanying being a mass shooting survivor?

    • ron73440

      gunfire erupted

      Just your average random gunfight at the OK Corral I guess.

      Glad it wasn’t an assassination attempt or anything crazy like that.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Its been the goal to move from an assassination attempt to a mass causality event or mass shooter. Whatever cranks the gear in that direction, they will keep on it.

    • EvilSheldon

      Gupta, you ignorant fuckwad, the gunshot blast was 160-odd yards from Trump.

      • Nephilium

        Gupta is worried about the shooter, need to get him healthy and back out on the street to turn his life around…

        What?

      • Tundra

        Wasn’t he the asshole who was humiliated by Rogan?

    • Gender Traitor

      …gunshot blasts near the head…

      Ummm…. the “blast” itself didn’t occur anywhere near his head. šŸ™„

    • Suthenboy

      “As a trauma neurosurgeon…”

      Oh, fuck off. It is clear that you have no idea what you are talking about.

      • Suthenboy

        And just occurs to me…was that written by an AI?

      • Gender Traitor

        Artificial Idiot?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Why you ask? Random information put into stories like the ER doc who wasn’t there at the hospital and adds nothing to the story doesn’t set off the AI flares?

      • Suthenboy

        “Why you ask?”

        It has the feel of an AI, a sentience that has no layers of actual experience in the real world, being given a few facts and instructed to string them together in an invented story.

    • Sean

      That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve seen all day.

      Thanks.

    • The Other Kevin

      This guy thinks he should personally examine Trump.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      So let’s pretend the gunshot blast has affected Trump. If anything it has made him less obnoxious.

  12. R.J.

    What if…
    You did a special Brandon edition of Stoic for the upcoming Democratic convention? Advice for Brandon. That would be amazing.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      The idea that Brandon needs, uh, advice about sto, sto, stoic, uh the that thing, well anyway.

    • mindyourbusiness

      Not to steal run’s thunder, but two words work nicely –

      Well…bye.

  13. R.J.

    “This attitude reminds me of when I was a kid and my Mom would always say ā€œDo as I say, not as I doā€ when my brothers and I would question the discrepancy between what she told us to do and what she did. ”

    I love how you describe that.

    • ron73440

      It was one of the things that used to drive us insane when we were kids.

      • R.J.

        I felt the same way and try really hard to not be my parents. I want to be that example.

    • Nephilium

      That ranks up there with “because I said so” of things that immediately made me start doing the exact thing I wasn’t supposed to do.

      • R C Dean

        Perhaps, ā€œBecause if you donā€™t, I will fuck you upā€ would have been more effective?

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        When it becomes obvious that said child repeatedly seeks an explanation to stall for time and/or willfully ignore the explanation you have already provided, “Because I said so.” is an acceptable rejoinder.

    • creech


      “Because I said so.”

  14. The Late P Brooks

    Mom would always say ā€œDo as I say, not as I doā€ when my brothers and I would question the discrepancy between what she told us to do and what she did. ā€

    I once told one of my nephews, “If you live long enough to be as old as I am, you can do it, too.”

    • The Other Kevin

      I always hated that too, then I became a parent and realize there were tons of things I could do but my kids could not. Such as drive a car, light a fire, use the stove. Anything hypocritical, though, should still be avoided.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    Its been the goal to move from an assassination attempt to a mass causality event or mass shooter. Whatever cranks the gear in that direction, they will keep on it.

    They desperately want to make Trump a bit player in this drama. He just happened to be there when that kid decided to shoot the place up. Motivation a complete mystery. Target still unconfirmed.

    • The Other Kevin

      Mass shooting events play right into their narrative mill. Assault weapons ban anyone?

    • Suthenboy

      Just heard Zuckerberg on the teevee saying about that event “That was the most badass thing I have ever seen.”

      Try as they will they can never take that away or make people unsee it. Were that any dem at the dem convention the speaker would have bolted and the crowd scattered screaming.

    • Nephilium

      There’s a group that’s trying to push for a $15/hour minimum wage here in Ohio (currently it’s $10.45 and LINKED TO FUCKING INFLATION). Because why wouldn’t we want to make things worse for the state as a whole?

      • UnCivilServant

        In one of my earlier jobs, when the minimum wage was $5-6 or so, I was making $6.40/hr. The state raised the minimum wage to above $6, but below $6.40. My pay was not changed, but the pay scale between roles was compressed, so all that effort to get above minimum wage was erased to the benefit of people who never bothered.

      • Nephilium

        At my first job (McDonald’s), I started at minimum wage $4.25/hour back then. I had received two raises, both mighty $0.10/hour raises, and then minimum wage was raised to $5.50/hour (IIRC, it may have been $5). They just increased my current rate to the new minimum (by that time I could work in any non-manager position in the place). I immediately found another job.

    • Suthenboy

      Oh yes. Please please please do it. I doubt their votes will understand what happens.

      “You can take them to Siberia, show them the death camps and mass graves. They still will not believe it. “

      • Suthenboy

        Voters.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Members of the California Food Council, which lobbied successfully for the pay hike, are planning to seek an additional 3.5% raise when they meet at the end of the month

      Why not ask for more…they gave them the first round.

      • creech

        Food Council is spineless and gutless. If raising it is good, then why not to $30, $40 or more per hour?

      • Suthenboy

        Exactly. I remember seeing some woman at a hearing on reparations in CA demanding $200,000,000 for every black person in the state.
        Sure, why not.

    • R C Dean

      Iā€™d be a lot more sanguine about CA auguring in and becoming a wasteland inhabited by roving cannibal rape gangs if I didnā€™t live in a neighboring state.

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Well, huh. I just looked at my bank’s website (for an unrelated reason), and on line banking is currently unavailable due to Crowdstrike problem.

    • The Other Kevin

      Mrs. TOK could not buy gas this morning, even with cash. That’s how I found out about it.

  17. The Late P Brooks

    Iā€™d be a lot more sanguine about CA auguring in and becoming a wasteland inhabited by roving cannibal rape gangs if I didnā€™t live in a neighboring state.

    Yeah, if California did implode, it would have a lot of severe effects at the margin, and not just almond and avocado prices.

    • Suthenboy

      The margin being the rest of the US. The locusts would scatter to all four corners and start demanding freebies at the ballot box.
      Keep your powder dry people.

  18. Sean

    Damn it…I’m a victim of marketing again.

    *mumbles about Penguin polos*

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Japan womenā€™s gymnastics captain out of Paris Games for smoking

    That’s… huh.