In the forced roar of the crowd, the incessant demands of the APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE signs blinking, Hunter rolled off Karine in the nest of cabling and tarps they had made for themselves in the bowels of the convention center.
“Oh, God. Oh, God,” Karine muttered, both hands between her legs, cradling her vulva as his man-filth oozed from her vaginal canal.
Hunter slapped her ass and let out a whoop. “Another converted!” he said. “My cock is the Delesbianator!”
Karine groaned again, as Joe began stumbling and mumbling through his DNC speech.
“I should be up there,” Karine said.
“You can’t help him any longer,” Hunter said. “The boat isn’t sinking, it’s sank, baby.” The bright flare of his torch lighter hitting his crack pipe lit up the space. He cut his eyes over to take in the cocoa butter sheen of her body.
“I knew you had a great body under all that pantyhose,” Hunter said. He reached over to touch her and she slapped his hand away.
“Don’t be like that, Kiki,” Hunter said, a fog of cocaine smoke billowing out.
She sat up enough to grab her last warm can of Bud Light and drank it in four long gulps while crying, farted, and then passed out.
“Kiki?” Hunter asked.
“I think she’s out,” Cracky said.
“You should fuck her again,” Dark Cracky said.
“We aren’t related,” Hunter said. “That would be gauche.” He rolled over on his side and pissed on a bundle of fiber optic cables.
“More?” Cracky asked.
“I love you, Cracky,” Hunter said, prying another fat flake off with his dirty fingernails.
“I love you too, buddy,” Hunter said.
“Fags,” Dark Cracky sniffed.
Hunter blissed out and floated a while, listening to his father.
“My father used to have an expression: ‘Joey, family is the beginning, the middle and the end.’”
Hunter giggled and stretched, thinking about Ashley running out of the bathroom at nine, blood streaming down her legs. Dark Cracky laughed along with him.
“They really have Joe dosed to the gills, don’t they?” Dark Cracky said.
“You were there when Finnegan was mixing up the serum,” Hunter said, and took another deep hit.
“I was in your suit pocket,” Dark Cracky groused. “I couldn’t see a thing.”
“I could see it!” Cracky said.
“No, you couldn’t, we’re two sides of the same fictional entity,” Dark Cracky snapped.
“You two,” Hunter said fondly. “You fight like brothers. I remember when Beau used to poke me in the fontanelle.”
“How could you have remembered that? You would have been a baby,” Dark Cracky said derisively.
“You know my headbones didn’t fuse until I was eleven!”
“Then why did you have me say they didn’t?” Dark Cracky asked.
“Don’t be so meta all the time,” Hunter said. “It’s exhausting.”
The three of them laid back to listen to the speech for a little longer, Hunter’s penis stiffening a bit as the lights swooped and dipped over their foul love nest, Karine snoring and grunting.
“I love dark chocolate,” Hunter said languorously. “But I am worried about, Daddy. I just have to get him to hold on long enough to pardon me for the Ukraine stuff.”
“Joe was set-up, man, just to get a goat pie curry cunt elected,” Dark Cracky said as Hunter drifted into twilight time. “It goes back, man. Like way back, back to Clinton. OK, OK, OK, let me… OK, Kamala has, you know, this mouthful of jizz, and sneaks into Monica’s apartment and spits it on the blue dress, I mean, they never proved it was Bill’s baby-batter, right? Right? So they just assume it’s Bill’s. Obama knew this that any ole’ jizz would do, and Kamala always had a, you know, ready supply, and they set Bill the fuck up! The First Black President and they ruined him! All to get Joe in the vice president slot on the Obama tickets. It’s all been a huge conspiracy!”
“Do you ever just shut the fuck up?” Karine asked loudly, rolling over onto her back.
“Oh, baby, don’t be like that,” Hunter said. He pulled her hands from between her legs and began to rummage through her labia as she feebly batted his hands away. She finally rolled over again to get him to stop.
“It can’t believe this, I can’t fucking believe this,” Karine said.
“You’ll be fine,” Hunter said. “You may not be a gold star lesbian anymore, but one guy? What, a demotion to silver star at worst?”
“Fuck you, and fuck your whole shitty family,” Karine said.
“Silver star’s not so bad,” Hunter said. “Some people work for years to win silver at the Olympics.”
His hand slithered between her ass cheeks and he tapped her butthole twice, “Unless you are interested in going for bronze…”
You know, it really hurts when you laugh and vomit at the same time…
*nods sadly, in agreement*
*superb
“Another converted!” he said. “My cock is the Delesbianator!”
Beautiful!
I am immediately sending this to Tomb Raider.
And here I was just thinking “No way OMWC sends this to Tomb Raider.”
Dark Cracky leads the way!
going for the bronze
perfect finish
An excellent euphemism.
OMG. So much delicious goodness. Sug took a wrecking ball to the fourth wall, and did some serious fanbase pandering.
A tough call, but I’m going to have to go with “rummage through her labia” as the best line today, and perhaps one of his all-time greats.
I just have to get him to hold on long enough to pardon me for the Ukraine stuff.
Easy peasy if Joe doesn’t: Just use the Delesbianator on Kamala.
OK, Kamala has, you know, this mouthful of jizz, and sneaks into Monica’s apartment and spits it on the blue dress, I mean, they never proved it was Bill’s baby-batter, right? Right? So they just assume it’s Bill’s. Obama knew this that any ole’ jizz would do, and Kamala always had a, you know, ready supply, and they set Bill the fuck up! The First Black President and they ruined him! All to get Joe in the vice president slot on the Obama tickets. It’s all been a huge conspiracy!
That actually makes a little bit of sense.
The nutter conspiracy theorist is usually over the mark
“Nutter,” LOL
“Unless you are interested in going for bronze…”
Excellent ending.
This is one of the best installments yet!
OH YES
Oh boy…that was masterful.
I’ve never heard her deny this.
Going for Bronze.
Words fail.
In the voice of Sam Neill: “Every species can smell its own extinction. The last ones left won’t have a pretty time with it. In ten years, maybe less, the human race will just be a bedtime story for their children. A myth, nothing more.”
“Where we’re going, we won’t need eyes to see.”
This begs to be put on the big screen.
The gold…silver…bronze progression is masterful.
That exchange…that was the one that got me.
Wow.
Damn.
I need to use that word today.
This really is the end of the series. I might do some Crackys to cover any addition hijinks, but it will mostly be Hat and Hair and Kamala’s until the election, and then whomever wins.
Nice Doors lead in.
And thanks for this series.
Thank you.
And The Doors is also a shout-out to Spudalicious, who I spent hours getting ridiculously high and watching music videos on YouTube with recently.
It was a lovely bonding experience.
So you two were sniffing glue?
I’m disappointed but I do understand. Once Hunter’s no longer related to someone in office, he’s just not that interesting even as a target for derision.
And I have to say, you nailed the sense of closure perfectly.
‘ then whomever wins.’
It’s amazing how a non entity like Kamala can even have a chance.
Having a compliant mass media is like a politician superpower.
And, as I have had to explain to so many people, there was literally no one they could have replaced her with–with possible exception of Big Mike–and keep up interest among brain-dead White women and ballot-harvesting Black women, the only reliable part of their base.
The Democrats aren’t even trying to get people to vote for them, because turn-out of the base is really the only path to victory they have. That’s why the hagiography narrative being spun around Kamala is so glaringly obvious this election.
“turn-out of the base is really the only path to victory they have”
They are running this as a straight-up replay of 2020. No unscripted contact by their candidate with the media, full-court DemOp Media press, cheat as needed in the same handful of swing states. Why not? It worked last time? Junk mail balloting, and all the opportunities for cheating that it provides, is now the norm. And as they learned last time, once the “official results” are announced, there’s not a damn thing anyone can do, no matter how obviously fraudulent they are.
The series was great. Thank you for making Wednesdays a special occasion! I sense there may be unexpected bonus episodes as September and October drag themselves past. The news reports on the campaign trail should be epic. The Bidens will not vanish.
Thanks for writing this series. It’s been a good read.
I suspect either straight-up unreliable narrator, or the “they” refers to Hunter, Cracky and Dark Cracky.
How dare you. I am always reliable.
I think there is a reliable typo in this post.
“I am constant as the northern star,
Of whose true-fix’d and resting quality
There is no fellow in the firmament.”
This really is the end of the series.
Except for the state funeral grand finale, of course. We must have our flowery goodbyes.
True. But that mostly might be Hunter wiping away gravy train tears with Cracky.
Ambiance: https://youtube.com/watch?v=BXqPNlng6uI
Masterful application
“Ashley running out of the bathroom at nine, blood streaming down her legs…”
Holy crap.
If Hunter saw her running out, who was in there? Papa Joe?
You never got the memo?
It was in her diary.
Here you go
Oh, no.
Judas titty-fucking Priest
👏 Golf 👏 Clap 👏
I suddenly have a mental picture of Joe handing off a big round cartoon bomb with a rapidly burning fuse to Kamala (or possibly Trump).
While Hunter sneaks out the back door with a big grey bag with a green $ sign on it?
Parody rarely hits so close to home. Showcasing the Biden circle’s depravity as just another normal day for them is masterful.
“Hunter giggled and stretched, thinking about Ashley running out of the bathroom at nine, blood streaming down her legs.”
Yeah, now where is that brain bleach…it was just here somewhere….
In a way it’s sad, no more of the Cracky hi-jinks.
The Grand Finale though was just Grand, SF.
Now to let my stomach settle before lunch. Thank you for your service, SF
I thought you were going to say it’s sad that we may go from a dementia riddled asshole to a drunken whore. That’s kind of sad too on an end-of-western-civilization level.
Maybe it’s just confirmation bias, but holy crap, Kamala looks drunk a lot of the time. The slight swaying, the slurring, the overemphatic gestures – it’s all right there.
Thanks for the series, you spared no expense on the finale. My only complaint is that I will never be able to set foot in that building again without thinking about this sordid scene.
“Fuck you, and fuck your whole shitty family,”
I feel that way about the Bidens too.
Kiki will be paid off with a joke-job at MSNBC and whopping huge NDA; she’ll be fine.
She can do a show with the Circle-Back lady.
The Strawberry and Blackberry show?
Don’t forget the book deal with a 7 figure advance.
Kamala’s the One!
Right under our noses the whole time; smart, competent, likeable, she’s the the best most qualified candidate the Democrats could possibly find.
“Right under our noses the whole time”
Litter boxes, that’s why I dont have cats.
Jeebuz.
What to say, but thanks! This really had some gold in it.
The news reports on the campaign trail should be epic. The Bidens will not vanish.
Joe has pretty much disappeared, hasn’t he? After his convention swan song I doubt we’ll be seeing or hearing much of him. They’ll portray Kamala as the effective incumbent, to boost her stature in the eyes of the electorate.
They are going to pack him away, like after he was forced out and disappeared for nearly a month.
It goes hand-in-hand with Kamala not doing interviews and press conferences before the Convention. The DNC wisely recognized that the more people see and hear Kamala, the less they like her, and the more likely they will understand she really is The George Floyd Memorial Vice President. Without his OD, Kamala Harris would be rotting away in the Senate, or ousted for some other California goon by now, probably after a failed run for Governor.
The parallels with Hillary are profound.
This Kamala timeline recap is more vomit-inducing than your other writings.
I shield you from one nightmare with another.
When Biden does pass away, everyone will comment on how they thought he had died years ago.
Brain-dead, sure.
My favorite thing is the pretend shock that Biden is just now having mental difficulties. Like they just suddenly appeared right before the debate. The first time I encountered it in real life, I almost said, “Bitch, where you been for the last four years?” but stopped myself in time.
Such disgusting, vile, horrific smut.
Magnificent! Bravo!
I really felt like I needed to get back to my smutty roots.
We’ve been waiting for BlackBerry to succumb to the jock gyration for a long time… Poor karine almost made it out with her gold star.
Smutty Roots is the name of my new ska band.
You’ll notice we never actually see her consent.
Passing out in front of Hunter is a form of consent.
What did you think was going to happen?
What have we here?
Despite the ebullient feel of the Democratic convention, the tensions coursing through the party ever since President Joe Biden dropped his re-election bid are bursting into public view.
Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi stood in the front row of the convention waving a “We ❤️ Joe” sign as he took the stage, hours after telling reporters Monday that she wasn’t apologizing for her role in pushing him out.
“I just wanted to win this election,” she said, adding that if Biden loyalists are unhappy, “I’m sorry for them, but the country is very happy.”
As Democrats meet in Chicago this week to celebrate Kamala Harris, whose candidacy is just four weeks old, they’ve worked to suppress any dissension over the dramatic events preceding Biden’s abrupt departure from the race. Campaign officials are delivering a public message that Democrats have coalesced behind Harris and are determined to defeat Trump.
Yet differences over Biden’s withdrawal from the race are bubbling up within the party, raising questions about whether Democrats can sustain a cohesive front if she stumbles or her poll numbers start to sink.
Is that the sound of knives being sharpened in the background?
Meh. PUMA wasn’t really a thing.
Dear NBC – Ebullience and transparent going through the motions are two very different things.
“her poll numbers start to sink”
Apparently, at least one of the futures markets has already seen her lead disappear.
Plenty of Biden loyalists are bitter on his behalf, believing he was unfairly forced out of the race. Even first lady Jill Biden has privately voiced “dismay” that more Democrats did not stick by her husband when he faced pressure to end his campaign following a dismal debate performance in June.
I’ll bet she was “dismayed”. Shrieking shit fit is probably closer to the truth.
Taxing Unrealized Gains Would Obliterate The U.S. Economy
“It will only affect the very richest 1%. Trust us.”
Send Lawyers, Guns and Money
How was I to know she was with the Russians too?
Dad, get me out of this.
Let’s just pass bills of attainder next.
I’ve argued that’s exactly what the change in NY law in order to charge Donald Trump was. It was only passed to go after him, and it wasn’t used in the prosecution of anyone else.
Gustave – dude…where have you been?
SF – Did you or Hochul make the case first?
Also: As I recall ex post facto. Is that the one? I remember there was one specifically for Trump.
It just sort of popped into my head when I found out about the law change. You change a law to go after one person, I don’t see how that isn’t a bill of attainder.
And I don’t think the New York DAs actually expect it to hold up; it is just, well, election interference.
I don’t think it was just to go after Trump. The ads from the ambulance chasers were disproportionately about Catholic priests and Scoutmasters.
Unsurprisingly, not about teachers.
The only perversion I can think of on par with that would be inheritance tax. Govt slugs really do believe all wealth belongs to them, that they let us have access to any at all is through their own benevolence.
It must be the full moon. I wore out my much-loved ‘Congolese Assistance Brigade ’66-67’ t-shirt just the other day.
Whoever you
prayto at night…it’s working.Poor Karine. Dumped by Suzanne Malveaux and now Joe. Is Hunter rock bottom?
Did you not read the last line?
That would her rock bottom.
And her bottom rocked, IFYKWAIMAIKTYD.
She went for the hat trick and swept the podium?
O/T But this is cool:
NEWS: The US Navy has installed @SpaceX’s Starlink on the USS Abraham Lincoln aircraft carrier, enabling high-speed internet anywhere they travel for a fraction of the cost.
https://x.com/SawyerMerritt/status/1826291198845153636
Hopefully my son in law will have this when he gets deployed some time next year.
I’m sure there will be shrieking about the unclean Musk contamination of the USN. Anyone else ‘member the attempts to get Fox News banned on army bases?
The end of the end.
https://babylonbee.com/news/joe-biden-found-in-dumpster-behind-dnc-convention-center
“You know, I was homeless once.”
Let them eat ice cream.
I wonder how many documents he was forced to sign because they withheld his pudding.
https://www.npr.org/2024/08/21/g-s1-18376/federal-judge-tosses-ftc-noncompetes-ban
A federal court in Texas has thrown out the government’s ban on noncompete agreements that was set to take effect September 4.
In her ruling, Judge Ada Brown of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Texas wrote that the federal agency had overstepped its power when it approved the ban.
“The FTC lacks substantive rulemaking authority with respect to unfair methods of competition,” she wrote. “The role of an administrative agency is to do as told by Congress, not to do what the agency think[s] it should do.”
Tomorrow’s news today:
“Federal Judge Found Face Down in a Ditch. FBI Totally Mystified, Suspect Right-WIng Terrorists.”
“The role of an administrative agency is to do as told by Congress, not to do what the agency think[s] it should do.”
And 1000 progressive REEEEEEES ascend.
New conspiracy theory! Jump on it before it’s proven true!
https://twitchy.com/grateful-calvin/2024/08/19/thats-not-what-sub-means-harris-kicks-customers-out-of-pittsburgh-sandwich-shop-in-favor-of-actors-n2399823
Black guy with the Trump t-shirt — mean tweets and cheap gas.
I liked how they ventured in Sheetz…you know..the very company they are trying to sue into oblivion.
RFK is making an announcement on Friday.
Rumor from his vp is he may withdraw from the race, endorse Trump, and (if Trump wins) get a health position in the new government.
I would be very excited.
Pass. I don’t want RFK on anything but an ice floe. That fucker is bat-shit crazy and Trump already has enough of that in his orbit.
And yet, he scares me far less than anyone in the biden/harris collective.
He’s crazy and a bad human being, but I’d let him go nuts on the medical industrial complex. Especially St. Ronnie’s fucking vax gift to the drug companies.
I wouldn’t want him as President, but confined to a limited role like HHS or NIH or something like that he might be ok.
The problem is, it turns out the needle snakes aren’t actually killed off by the cold.
Not a huge fan of his but this would suck the wind out of the sails of a post-convention slobberfest over the weekend. Well, maybe not.
Even more interesting, Trump and Kennedy will both be in Phoenix for events Friday.
https://x.com/charliekirk11/status/1826319851704721748
Kennedy’s running mate equates all the lawfare against Trump with the lawfare against their campaign. As I said earlier, the Dems continue leaving a wake of destruction.
https://x.com/NicoleShanahan/status/1826311397904617942
Not sure how big of a deal it would be by itself, but it would definitely enhance the “big tent” vibes coming out of the Trump campaign recently. So probably a plus.
I think that’s the big story – having former Dems in big roles for his administration, not just has-beens like Liz Cheney saying what a poopy head your opponent is.
He’d make a good CIA director. He may be a bit of a flake but I get kinda hard just thinking about it.
My guilty pleasure is thinking of Hillary’s head exploding when Tulsi is named Secretary of State.
Don’t feel guilty, as far as wishing ill of your enemies that’s pretty benign.
I used to joke that Guga Ribas was my favorite character in the Mos Eisley cantina. Today I saw a picture of him for the first time and it turns out I wasn’t wrong.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFysTPisU8Y
Also, the holster requires a 40 minute video on how to adjust it to fit your gun. Giggedy!
The analogies here are endless. I’m wondering how long the democratic party cabal can continue appointing it’s candidates before any of their constituents figure out they’ve been fucked since Bama and even he was a DEI hire.
“US Jobs Revised Down By 818,000 In Election Year Shocker, Second Worst Revision In US History”
https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/us-jobs-revised-down-818000-election-year-shocker-second-worst-revision-us-history
Oopsie doopsie, I guess the feds can’t fucking count either. But seriously, it seems like they’d at least make these “errors” believable.
FreedomToons on Joe Biden’s DNC speech.
That Kamala is hilarious.
“Hunter rolled off Karine”
Going out with a, err, bang, I see.
Wasn’t someone here that thought Trump made a real mistake debating Biden before the DMC could nominate him? Now seems that was a Stupid decision on Trump’s part. How much different would things look if Biden was still the nominee and then flopped big time in a Sept. debate?
They would’ve replaced him anyway. The Vegas medical issue would’ve been played up, or information about his international “connections” would leak or something. The Obama wing wasn’t gonna let Joe go unscathed.