First Friday of October Links

by | Oct 4, 2024 | Daily Links | 143 comments

Brown and orange is no longer for sad people who cheer for a disappointing team, now it’s the color of the month as we fall into Halloween. Same as I do not discuss Christmas before Thanksgiving, there are no Thanksgiving plans or discussions held until after Halloween. I have built up a reputation in the neighborhood over the past several years for full sized candy bars, and costumes that disturb/frighten the kids (although I have to wonder why a pre-teen would know who Sam is).

As I read through the comments, I also notice a lot of chest beating and bragging about the quality of cookies that various people make. If there is interest, a cookie exchange could likely be organized, with people needing to ship cookies to the other participants.

Speaking of unhealthy things, I saw this on the shelf at the grocery store this past weekend. I left it there.

Anyone in the Ohio area, if you’re going out for a pint, you can also get money donated to a relief fund for North Carolina.

It’s very rare that something is made BETTER by censorship.

So glad that they studied this, instead of it being the reason that people play them.

This seems a very poor ROI.

I have some interest, as the later versions are much better games than the old original.

The horror that something wasn’t illegal.

The lack of self awareness in the article is entertaining to me. Direct link to the test (for the record, I got a 78/100).

Maybe naming yourself after one of the bad guys from Mr. Robot isn’t the best idea.

Look people, while I try to be considerate of the budget drinker, this is still a terrible idea.

Looks like someone is trying to step into the market opportunity created due to the Chartreuse shortage. I have not tasted it, so cannot speak to it’s quality.

As mentioned, we’re in October, so let’s try to stick with a theme for the cocktails this month.

The Devil’s Margarita

  • 6 parts blanco tequila (1.5 ounces)
  • 4 parts lime juice (1 ounce)
  • 3 parts simple syrup (0.75 ounces) – I’m partial to replacing this with agave syrup for margaritas, but that’s my preference
  • 2 parts red wine (0.5 ounces) – You want something medium body and fruit forward here. I’ll leave the selection to the oenophiles.

Chill a cocktail glass, and put everything but the red wine into a shaker with ice. Shake until chilled, and strain into the cocktail glass. Now using the back of a spoon (such as your handy bar spoon) slowly pour the red wine on top as a float. Garnish with a lime wheel, and be a hero – skip the salted rim for this one.

About The Author

Nephilium

Nephilium

Nephilium is a geek of multiple types living in the vast suburban forests of Cleveland.

143 Comments

  1. Shpip

    After revealing their top three cereals on their New Heights podcast last year, the Kelce brothers and General Mills created the new Kelce Mix Cereal, a combination of their three favorites: Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Lucky Charms, and Reese’s Puffs.

    Leave the roof of your mouth torn and bloody while giving you the diabeetus. Win / Win.

    • EvilSheldon

      Cinnamon Toast Crunch deserves better treatment than that.

  2. UnCivilServant

    It’s very rare that something is made BETTER by censorship.

    I want people to tell the Japanese that Amrican Gamers are not the ones asking for puritanical censorship, and the nutcases wanting type 1 and type 2 bodies rather than men and women do not speak for us.

    • Sensei

      From the land of the rising mosaic.

      • UnCivilServant

        Uncensored content is legal here, so the bad censorship laws for Japan don’t apply to the exports!

  3. Rat on a train

    Same as I do not discuss Christmas before Thanksgiving, there are no Thanksgiving plans or discussions held until after Halloween.
    Can you convince my wife? She wants to change decorations before the season is over.

    • Nephilium

      I do my best to stay out of the domestic squabbles of others. May I suggest realizing that she doesn’t want a bouquet of flowers, and would much rather have the 15 foot animatronic skeleton for the yard instead? It’ll last for years, and can bring back those happy memories every October when you set it up!

      • R.J.

        Spirit Halloween has their own version now, and will not sell out.

  4. Shpip

    Applebee’s DOLLAR ZOMBIE™ is back from the grave this October! Full of infectious taste, the DOLLAR ZOMBIE features a mind-blowing mix of rum, passion fruit, pineapple, cherry, lime, and is garnished with a gummi brain – all for only $1.

    Look for the groups of pudgy secretaries taking advantage of this during Happy Hour, then move in Tres-style for the kill harpooning.

    • EvilSheldon

      I literally can’t imagine that amount of artificial sweeteners and Red #40 that went into that concoction. It’s appropriate for Halloween, because it’s genuinely frightening.

      • R C Dean

        Needz moar seed oils.

  5. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    I could rustle up a batch of cookies. They’ll be vegan, whole-grain, and chock full of fruit!

  6. rhywun

    The lack of self awareness in the article is entertaining to me.

    I want to be entertained but you gave us a fucking Guardian article. No es bueno.

    • Nephilium

      The headline:

      I took a common sense test – and my result appalled me

      • rhywun

        I got as far as “People took a horse worming drug to cure Covid! They think low-traffic neighbourhoods are a communist plot”

        zOMG people sooo stoopid!!

      • EvilSheldon

        Low-traffic neighborhoods are a rich fascist plot, silly!

  7. SDF-7

    Huh… 72/100. Guess my common sense is uncommon or something. Ah well.

    • Rat on a train

      I don’t know what their thinking is but I gave up with questions like “Colosseums symbolize ancient civilizations.” and “Trees whisper soothing sounds.”

      • SDF-7

        I… did not get those. Mine were a crapton of “Smiling promotes empathy” and (the oddest that I recall) “Hosting dinner parties fosters relationships”.

    • PutridMeat

      32/100

      I’m going with that makes me uncommon, in a good way. Seemed a completely nonsensical series of questions, having almost nothing to do with common sense. I mean a long sequence of images of peoples eyes without any real information on state of mind is supposed to define commons sense?

      I’ll confess I computed the series on the when did the chick weight 0.5 lbs question before realizing the obvious answer. I went to box and felt shame.

      • SDF-7

        I assume that was supposed to be testing emotional awareness or some bullshit (the eye picture crap). I doubtless flunked it, but I can’t say I particularly care.

        I *was* tempted to pick the most outlandish answer after the first couple. If they’d had two bears high-fiving as an option, I would have gone for it.

      • Nephilium

        The girlfriend took it once and got a 0/100 at the end. I told her that made me the normal one in the relationship.

        Based on the results at the end, it doesn’t necessarily look like it’s testing for common sense, but rather groupthink on fluffy issues.

      • tripacer

        I got 0/100. Maybe I’m doing it wrong.

    • Grumbletarian

      64/100 Hm. The math questions were easy.

  8. SDF-7

    Look people, while I try to be considerate of the budget drinker, this is still a terrible idea.

    Better than Critical Drinker’s Toilet Duck, I expect.

  9. SDF-7

    It’s very rare that something is made BETTER by censorship.

    I beg to differ.

    • UnCivilServant

      I was expecting something like that in the original link.

    • Nephilium

      Can’t watch the video (tied up in an EOD meeting on a Friday…) now, so it’ll have to wait for that to be over for direct comments on the video.

      But my thought was the line from Fight Club. “I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.”

    • The Other Kevin

      LOL I needed that!

    • Nephilium

      And fair enough, reverse bowdlerization can be entertaining.

    • Tundra

      OMG!

  10. JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

    I didn’t bother to finish that common sense test, which I’d argue means I aced it.

  11. pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    Re: wolves

    Shoot, shovel, and SHUT UP!

    • SDF-7

      What happened to old school “Lure the puppies with food to your fire and domesticate them?”

      Past generations weep to look upon us. 😉

      (Yes I’m kidding… no I don’t seriously encourage anyone to try domesticating wolves, puppies or no… those instincts are pretty strong and we already have dog breeds anyway…)

      • R C Dean

        There is no freakin’ way I would have wolf around the house.

      • Fourscore

        I had one, past tense

    • R C Dean

      While I don’t know about tossing that guy in jail, hitting a wolf with a snowmobile, taping its mouth shut, and hauling it to a bar is an asshole move.

      • SDF-7

        Yeah… that wolf can’t down a few shots with his mouth taped up. That’s just a dick move.

      • EvilSheldon

        Now I have the early Simpsons scene with Groundskeeper Willy and the wolf in my head.

  12. R C Dean

    I started the common sense test, and bailed. The whole thing was one category error after another, in my opinion.

    • EvilSheldon

      The lack of an option for, “I don’t know enough about this topic to form a useful opinion,” was kinda telling, no?

      • R C Dean

        And what you think other people think, and why, is relevant to your common sense how, exactly?

      • EvilSheldon

        I did find myself clicking, “I don’t think people have good judgement on this topic,” a lot.

        Come to think of it, I don’t think people have good judgement in general…

    • Rat on a train

      They may be testing how many people will suffer through the test.

    • Sensei

      I read the first question and agree.

      “Tipping is customary” Y/N?

      Where? The US? Other countries – it depends.

    • Tundra

      3 questions and I tapped out.

    • Suthenboy

      The test was nonsense. They did give the disclaimer at the end : The results are measuring how much you agree with other people’s ideas.
      It was not designed to measure the test taker’s common sense.
      *the term ‘common sense’ is quite loaded. ‘Common’ would be ‘what most people think’, where the test taker may be assuming the term means ‘good sense’ or ‘horse sense’.

  13. The Other Kevin

    Young TOK was none too happy when Ministry became Ministry v2.

    • Nephilium

      My first Ministry album was Psalm 69.

  14. The Other Kevin

    Mrs. TOK sent me to Home Depot for paint brushes. Big mistake. I saw the life-size Headless Horseman and now I want it in my yard.

    • Sensei

      Other option is some ridiculous inflatable!

    • UnCivilServant

      It’s all fun and games until he goes looking for that noggin.

    • Tundra

      There was a giant skeleton at the hardware store and it was all I could do to leave without it.

      • Suthenboy

        You too huh? I saw one at Lowe’s this morning when I went for a new chain for my saw.

      • OBJ FRANKELSON

        Those are all the rage in my area.

  15. Shpip

    It’s no surprise that there are few universally shared notions of what stands to reason. People took a horse worming drug to cure Covid!

    The worst bit was the maths (designed to check if intelligence and common sense are correlated – not particularly, apparently).

    If you’re calling a drug that’s been used on billions of people and won a Nobel “horse worming,” I’d say that your intelligence and common sense are correlated — just not in the way that you’d like.

    • R C Dean

      People took a drug that has been widely used with no adverse side effects, for which the inventor won a Nobel Prize, and has known antiviral effects to cure Covid, even though it is also used as a veterinary medicine! Can you imagine!

      • Rat on a train

        It appears I’ve taken a “cat antibiotic” before.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’ve taken a cat tranquilizer before…

    • SDF-7

      The math section was 6th grade pre-algebra for heaven’s sake. (And of course I’ll be suitably embarrassed if I messed one up… but it didn’t tell me so I assume I didn’t… they were pretty easy if you converted the word problem to an equation in your mind, after all..)

      And yeah… my questions were nothing but fluff relatively.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      Wait til they find out that all kinds of animals have mRNA.

  16. Tundra

    The horror that something wasn’t illegal.

    Fuck that guy.

    I understand the need to balance packs, etc. And the goddamn Disney environmentalists piss me off.

    But fuck that guy.

    • Suthenboy

      I have past the point of thinking good guy/ Bad guy. I dont bother trying to figure it out, I just assume ‘all assholes’.

  17. creech

    I saw this feminist slogan in the previous post: “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”. I only recall seeing it once in the wild, on a t- shirt worn by a woman at an LP convention. She turned out to be the ex of one of “Hustler” Larry Flynt’s top executives! And she didn’t really follow the slogan.

    • PutridMeat

      she didn’t really follow the slogan.

      A goer, eh? Know what I mean, nudge nudge, say no more.

    • rhywun

      Nice.

      Though now I am wondering if AJ takes off the AJ costume at night. I don’t think I could keep all of that up for ~30+ years.

      • Tundra

        He must not fly commercial.

  18. Aloysious

    ALL THE COOKIE BELONG TO COOKIE MONSTER.

  19. R.J.

    I cannot have sugary cereal in the morning. I have to start my day with eggs and pork products.

    • Aloysious

      This morning I had apple cinnamon pancakes with a side of tubular sausage. I ate way too much.

      Needed the fortification because, as a lot of Glibs can relate, work has been the ass.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    I saw this feminist slogan in the previous post: “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”.

    I remember it from college (’70s) as “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

    I used to do a pretty good imitation of a bicycle.

    • creech

      Yes, I believe your slogan is correct and what she wore. This was late 70s if I recall.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Yeah, I learned it from one of the tracks on Achtung Baby…don’t recall which song.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      Fish riding sidesaddle?

  21. Suthenboy

    Is “Can there be a universal notion of common sense if people took a horse worming treatment to cure Covid?” a question on the test?
    I ask because the question is gibberish but what it implies is that a person who did take ivermectin did not look at the history of using ivermectin to treat other viral infections or specifically covid.
    Has it? Why yes, yes it has and specifically against the cooties. It has shown to be effective against RNA and DNA viruses, specifically covid.
    A better question is “Did you believe them when they told you ivermectin is not a proven effective treatment for Covid?”

  22. The Late P Brooks

    A better question is “Did you believe them when they told you ivermectin is not a proven effective treatment for Covid?”

    Are you a slavish devotee of authoritarian Top Men? Are you incapable of thinking for yourself?

  23. Derpetologist

    Spot the Not: Things I’ve said to my students this week

    1. Is there a button in your rear that makes your jaw flap when you sit on it?

    2. For the love of God, read a book! Any book! MOVE YOUR LIPS IF YOU HAVE TO!

    3. So help me God, you are going to read at least one book while you are my student.

    4. This belongs in a museum. I beg of you, send this to someone at the UF art department. There are scholarships for artists.

    5. As they say in many parts of Africa, wisdom is chasing you, but you are faster.

    6. Unfortunately, because of the actions of a few boneheads, I am now being forced to run this class more like a prison.

    • Grumbletarian

      I dearly hope 5 is not the NOT, because that is awesome.

      • Derpetologist

        Tano ndiyo bwana ni “siyo”.

    • R C Dean

      Ima go with 3.

      • Shpip

        I like 3 as well. Nobody in high school actually reads a math textbook. The clever ones listen in class, then skip to the practice problems until they grok the concept, then move on to the next chapter along with the instructor.

    • Derpetologist

      5 is the not, though I might end up saying that next week.

      Other things I might end up saying:

      “The most useful thing you could do in combat is getting your brains blown out so a more competent soldier could use your corpse as a sandbag.”

      “I’m pretty sure you beat your meat in the shower like it owes you money.”

      “Do that again and I will stomp on you until your guts are coming out of your mouth then I will play jump rope with your intestines.”

      31 days on the job and I haven’t been fired yet. Yay me.

      Me at work, artist’s depiction

      https://youtu.be/n-B_kmAebbQ?si=Y7wd_-cGUr8f8V-i&t=170

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Oops

    On the affected Cybertrucks, the rear view camera display may appear blank for up to 6-8 seconds after the vehicle is shifted into reverse. Currently, according to NHTSA’s guidelines, vehicles must display the rearview image within 2 seconds of the vehicle being placed in reverse.

    </em.

    Ordinarily, I'd say "just turn your head and look" but that thing looks like it's impossible to see out of in any direction.

    • Sensei

      Like most modern cars.

      My Jeep JK was useless there too because of the spare tire.

      The whole software recall for cars like Tesla is that can do over the air updates is asinine. They never used to file recalls but FedGov got their knickers in a twist so Tesla files anything drive related as a recall just to shut them up.

      This has had knock on effects for manufacturers that can’t do OTA updates that now feel compelled to make every drive related software update a “recall” to much greater expense.

      • Tundra

        Fucking Ford tried to fix my cam phaser issue with a software update. I asked the guy if they were just trying to run out the warranty clock, but he insisted that they had to do the software first. They did it, my truck still rattled like a motherfucker at cold start, they agreed to fix it, but hey! No parts! Finally, the dealership out here replaced the damn thing. Annoying.

      • Sensei

        I’m enjoying being Fucking Ford free after owning 4 over the past 30 years or so.

        No plans to buy another right now.

  25. Ownbestenemy

    I got a 69..so I got that going for me.

    • Suthenboy

      The test is designed to measure how much you agree with what other people consider common sense, i.e. the lower your score the more sensible you are.
      I probably triumphed because of the number of times I said ‘other people have poor judgement’ even though they would agree with me because I think a lot of people get things right by accident.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    On its website, Tesla shared a recall search link through which customers can check to see if their vehicle has been affected by this recent notice. The company also shared in its blog post that the issue will be addressed by a software release, letting customers know that they do not need to schedule a service appointment to fix the backup camera display.

    What a surprise.

  27. Ownbestenemy

    So you think my boss Mayor Pete called or answered the phone?

    Guess they did..Elon didn’t elaborate on it. My guess a lot of ass kissing was happening from ol Mayor Pete

    • Ownbestenemy

      Also…according to the twits…Elon is a Russian plant

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      The bar for being a Russian plant is pretty low. Thinking that spending infinite dollars on propping up one Slavic autocrat in a war with another (nuclear-armed) Slavic autocrat may not be the best course of action is all that it takes for the likes of Lieutenant Chickenshit Vindeman to accuse you of sedition.

    • R C Dean

      The Community Notes on that will be interesting.

      • Tres Cool

        “No one is shutting down the airspace and FAA doesn’t block legitimate rescue and recovery flights. If you’re encountering a problem give me a call.”

        Pete, post your number.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Mayor Petey reserves the right power to decide what is or is not a “legitimate” humanitarian act.

    • Rat on a train

      No gardening supplies?

  29. The Late P Brooks

    This just in: Bruce Springsteen has endorsed Kamala Harris.

    I know you’ve been on pins and needles.

    • Shpip

      Yep, there’s that one Boomer out there saying “Well, I could afford groceries and gas four years ago, but now that ‘The Boss’ has endorsed Kamala, I guess I’ll vote for her.”

  30. Chipping Pioneer

    Not a word of a lie, I scored 0.

  31. KK, Plump & Unfiltered

    Upstate NY, upper Midwest, PCNW Cascadia should have some aurora viewing potential tomorrow night

    • Suthenboy

      That’s it? Hell, I remember ’72ish? We had strong auroras here in Louisiana.

      • KK, Plump & Unfiltered

        When summer is over, I start monitoring the aurora forecast pretty much daily. It’s not that usual for auroras to make it that south.

      • Suthenboy

        I dunno KK, for the last 30ish years I go to bed before sundown and rise around 2-3 so I stopped paying attention to nighttime shenanigans a long time ago. I only remember it that one time…or maybe a couple of years? It’s been so long ago.

    • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

      STEVE SMITH LOOK FORWARD TO STARGAZERS. HE GIVE TIP TO HALP SEE CASCADIA AURORA!

    • OBJ FRANKELSON

      Do they expect to have Venezuelan gangs take over apartment complexes too?

      Oh, you meant aurora, not Aurora.

  32. groat scotum

    New Neal Stephenson epic debuts next week.

    • groat scotum

      weak after next, whatever

      Gotta be better than Termination Shock, am I right?

      Right? back me up here

      • groat scotum

        I didn’t hate Termination Shock, but

        Alright dang, I admit it, Stephenson flatlines at the end.

        I disagree that was the case with his other books, but man, Termination Shock petered out to nothing. I guess the notion is Life goes on, but man. It really does just settle.

      • rhywun

        *tap tap tap*

        He’s in the climate cult? I didn’t know that.

        I haven’t read anything since Seveneves. Which was OK but no Anathem.

      • groat scotum

        Diamond Age? Can’t actually remember how this ends. Something about the Mouse Army marching south.

        Snow Crash? Come one, this was a great ending. Guido dies fighting Raven. YT’s mom picks her up. Superb ending.

        Baroque Cycle? OUR HERO IS SHOOTING DUCKS WITH LOUIS XIV. He gets with Eliza, kinda. Best you can hope for.

        Seveneves? What were you expecting, the conjectural history of humanity until the sun blows up?

      • groat scotum

        Anathem! Thank you rhywun! THE ENTIRE MYSTERY OF THE NOVEL IS WRAPPED UP AMBIGUOUSLY. Perfect. No notes.

      • groat scotum

        Yes, Stephenson’s in the cult. Ish. He’s decidedly on the side of engineering the crisis away (the crux of Termination shock), rather than just rolling back all human progress since the 19th century.

      • Tundra

        The last one I finished was Cryptonomicon. Started a couple others and just couldn’t do it.

        You have fun, though!

  33. Tres Cool

    I just sat down after a rough 4.5 hour commute from the (216)…

    Shpip on October 4, 2024 at 3:11 pm
    Applebee’s DOLLAR ZOMBIE™ is back from the grave this October! Full of infectious taste, the DOLLAR ZOMBIE features a mind-blowing mix of rum, passion fruit, pineapple, cherry, lime, and is garnished with a gummi brain – all for only $1.

    Look for the groups of pudgy secretaries taking advantage of this during Happy Hour, then move in Tres-style for the kill harpooning.

    Great, now I have to go to Applebees.

    • groat scotum

      REAMDE and Fall, or Dodge in Hell weren’t bad novels, just kinda forgettable, relative to his opus, Cryptonomicon. Which, let’s be honest, is perhaps the best book written by humans, aside from Jesus writing the Bible.

      And the ending of that book? It encompasses so much of the 20th century, it’s wrapped around you like a warm coat, and then it ends. Of course you hate the ending! It ended! You get no more Bobby Shaftoe or Lawrence or Randall! How could he possibly end it satisfactorily, it’s a tragedy when the pages run out!

      • Pine_Tree

        I’ve said it here before, but there are two books I read all the way through every year. One’s the Bible and the other is Cryptonomicon. Always start it on vacation in August and I just finished it again. Story’s fun, and I really recommend it to people because I think it can actually impact the way you think about (and act on) information streams out there around you

  34. Suthenboy

    Geeez I am tired. My brain is hardly working….I should go to bed.
    The header pic…what a rip. It says post & beam? I dont see any posts or beams…it looks like an abandoned Pizza Hut building. Love the giant skeleton though.
    I am outta here. Y’all have fun.

  35. LCDR_Fish

    Well…still waiting on overseas screening for my PCS. Stuck in Norfolk for a couple more weeks. Frustrating.

    • Ted S.

      Prostate Calamity Syndrome?

  36. Tundra

    Car guys, the brakes on the Audi are awesome, but the dust is like nothing I’ve ever seen. Still plenty of life left, but it’s bugging me. What are your thoughts on ceramic or semi-metallic? Brands?

    • Tres Cool

      Asbestos.

      • Tundra

        I already sprinkle that in my coffee.

    • Sensei

      It’s what the Germans do.

      There are non dusting alternatives, but lesser longevity and or stopping power. The dusty ones are what they like. That said there may be some alternatives out there that do both at a price.

      If you see Dr Otto here he may be able to help or look on some of the Audi forums.

      • Tundra

        My VWs were never this bad. But yeah, I like the way they work so maybe it’s not worth fucking with.

        And the damn forums are what made me ask You People®

    • Shpip

      Honestly, in my (Track Day) experience, Audi has never figured out how to properly ventilate their brakes, so it makes sense that they go with a heavy brake compound on their factory pads to get their heavy cars stopped.

      What I would do if you’re looking to keep the wheels looking good is to clean them thoroughly, then apply something like Meguiars Hybrid Ceramic all around with a microfiber rag a couple of times, including inside the barrel where you can reach. Makes cleaning off the dust a snap with just a garden hose. A wheel brush or wooly will be your friend in the cleaning stage.

      Ceramic brakes or aggressive pads are expensive and less than ideal for street driving.

      The Meguiars will be cheaper at Wal*Mart or a standard auto parts store than from their website. It’s also a decent hydrophobic for your paint, and can be topped with wax if you so choose.

      • Tundra

        Awesome. Thanks Shpip!

        I seem to recall you recommending that product before.

        I think I’ll leave well enough alone wrt to pads.

  37. groat scotum

    Flashman and the Dragon was a lot of fun. You won’t believe it, but Harry [spoilers] doesn’t actually fuck every woman he encounters. He only manages to bang the Amazonian Chinese cutthroat that helped waylay his ship up the Yangzi, and then the dowager empress of China (she wasn’t dowager then, she was quite fetching and comely). But he doesn’t sleep with Phoebe, the minister’s wife, and he doesn’t manage to fuck the heaven’s voice chick either, whatever her name or title is.

    What a fun romp around China during the Taiping rebellion and the second opium war. Our hero meets every. Single. Name you can find in the wikipedia article, and then some. The [spoilers] Burning of the Summer Palace is notable.

    • groat scotum

      Wait, what

      The occupations came as part of an invasion of Northern China by Britain and France to force the government of the Qing dynasty to come to the negotiating table. Despite being looted, the Summer Palace was not burned, however, as the British High Commissioner to China, Lord Elgin, had not issued orders to do so.

      I have it on good authority that it was burned. Lord Elgin, Thomas Bruce delivered a damned good reason that it should be burned. Was it not? Have I been misled??

      • groat scotum

        There’s a very eloquent chapter in which Bruce issues the unfortunate order to burn the Summer Palace! He supposes it’s the only measure that would appropriately punish the Chinese mandarins for their hubris!

      • groat scotum

        They mutilated British and French troops! The consequence was the burning of the Summer Palace! Have I been misled?

      • groat scotum

        SCURILLOUS LIES

        UNFORGIVABLE

        SOMEONE IS TO BLAME

        I’LL FIND OUT

        MY GOODNESS

        MY WRATH WILL BE UNBOUND

        SOMEONE IS TO BLAME

    • groat scotum

      During the Second Opium War, French and British troops captured the palace on 6 October 1860, looting and destroying the imperial collections over the next few days.[4][5] As news emerged that an Anglo-French delegation had been imprisoned and tortured by the Qing government, with 19 delegation members being killed,[6] the British High Commissioner to China, James Bruce, 8th Earl of Elgin, retaliated by ordering the complete destruction of the palace on 18 October, which was then carried out by troops under his command.[5] The palace was so large – covering more than 3.5 square kilometres (860 acres) – that it took 4,000 men three days to destroy it.[7] Many exquisite artworks – sculptures, porcelain, jade, silk robes, elaborate textiles, gold objects and more – were looted and, according to UNESCO, are now located in 47 museums around the world.[8]

      Thank goodness. All is well. The Summer Palace was, after all, torched by the Brits.

      • groat scotum

        The Lord Elgin in the novel (as well as, I suppose, reality) was in fact the son of the Lord Elgin who rescued the Elgin Marbles from Greece.

        I wrote an apologia for this when I was in college. I said the Greeks had lost their right to any of their monuments due to the fact that they’d been overrun by Ottomans, and the Ottomans, having made a deal with Elgin, were the rightful possessors of any artwork they’d won by conquest. Elgin, having rescued these priceless pieces, was a more rightful heir than anyone in Greece, and it wouldn’t be right to repatriate those priceless artifacts to the clearly undeserving Greeks, who, as we all know, invented gayness.

        I didn’t include that last part.

        I got a 3/5 grade.