ZARDOZ APPROVED HALLOWEEN COSTUMES
ZARDOZ SPEAKS TO YOU, HIS CHOSEN ONES. IT HAS BEEN A PERIOD OF TIME. BUT ZARDOZ IS PLEASED. YOUR SNARK AT THE FILTH OF BRUTALS WHO PLAGUE THE EARTH HAS BEEN GOOD. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GOOD? THE GUN.
ALSO GOOD – ADVICE. ZARDOZ WILL GIVE ADVICE FAR BETTER THAN ANY BRUTAL COLUMNIST. GO FORTH AND READ!
Q: I’m a woman in my early 20s, and I have been dating my man for two years. I love him dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with him. He plans to propose before the end of the year, and we plan to be married next year.
Sex with him is fabulous. However, I have a very active libido (probably similar to that of a teenage boy), and I’d be good with having sex every morning, day and night. He, on the other hand, is good with once a week, if that. I feel deprived and sad. We have discussed this, and he claims he knows he needs to improve, but there has been no change.
I don’t know if I want to say “I do” if this is what marriage to him will be like. I am afraid of him proposing now because I’m not sure I can marry him if he’s not into sex as much as I am. Sex is an extremely important activity in my life. I had amazing sex with a previous boyfriend and have actually contemplated reaching out to him. (I wouldn’t cheat.)
Must I settle? I don’t want to miss out on having sex as often as I want it. It doesn’t feel fair to me. I don’t want to end the relationship because he’s everything else I want. He’s a good man, loving, generous, kind, thoughtful, funny, intelligent, a great conversationalist, fun, adventurous, but with almost no sex drive. Can you offer any insight?
A: FOOLISH BRUTAL! DO YOU NOT KNOW, THE PENIS IS EVIL? IT SHOOTS SEEDS THAT CREATE NEW LIFE. THEREFORE, ZARDOZ WILL RESCUE YOU FROM WHAT WOULD BE A MARRIAGE OF FRUSTRATION, AND GIVE YOU AN OUTLET FOR YOUR EVIL, LIBIDINOUS ENERGY…
A LIFE OF GRAIN SLAVERY, IN THE SERVICE OF THE VORTEX, WILL SUIT YOU.
Q. My sister, whom I dearly love, is going through some difficult times. She confides in me about her troubles, and I gladly listen and give advice. Although I am willing to listen and help, I feel she would really benefit from seeing a therapist to help her overcome some of her challenges. I also know that her decisions are hers to make, and I don’t want my perspectives to get between us when I say something she may disagree with.
How can I recommend she get professional help without it sounding like I’m pushing her away and discouraging her from sharing her feelings with me? When I mentioned therapy a few years ago, she said I should be her therapist. I told her that was sweet, but therapists have unique skills that I don’t have.
My sister is on a very limited income, and I’m not certain what it would cost through her insurance. She does feel therapy is “good,” but has never actually done it. She often says she can handle these issues on her own, and I suspect she’d be resistant to counseling because it would be like surrendering. Advice?
A. THIS IS A JOB FOR THE ETERNALS. YOUR SISTER WILL HAVE TO GO TO SECOND LEVEL WITH THEM, THAT THEY MAY CLEANSE HER THOUGHTS OF ALL WRONG THINGS.
*GOING TO SECOND LEVEL MAY HAVE SIDE EFFECTS. THESE INCLUDE CATATONIA, GRAIN SLAVERY AND BEING PREMATURELY AGED. PLEASE CONSULT THE TABERNACLE FOR FURTHER GUIDANCE*
ZARDOZ HAS SPOKEN.
Grain can be fermented. This is also good.
What with the excellent Scotch drinking weather we’ve had, I finally cracked open the Talisker 18yr. Diminishing returns is a bitch. Yes, it’s better than the 10yr, but I’m really not planning on saving up for the 30yr after this. I’ll need to do a side-by-side, but I might prefer the Dark Storm.
I have found similar things in several whisk(e)ies. Hell, I prefer the Green Spot to the Yellow Spot, especially for the price difference.
There is this quantum leap between cheap scotch and midgrade scotch, but then serious diminishing returns.
That’s one reason I put a $40 limit on my rye tastings.
Not Adahn:
I wouldn’t call it quantum, since the jump is quite large. 🙂
You can find the same thing in most spirits, bottom shelf plastic bottle rotgut, entry level glass bottle which works well for mixing, top shelf which stands alone, and then really expensive stuff that appears to be more oriented towards conspicuous consumption.
Ive noticed 12-15yr is a nice sweet spot for most scotches that I have sampled/had.
Islay seem to be pretty darn tasty young.
My whisky guy told.me there is a glenallachie 35 comming soon. 2000 american a bottle. I am going to pass. I wish i could afford it because it would be nice yo have a whisky bottle worth more than ron73440 car
No booze is worth that.
Hey! That’s uncalled for!…
It’s a fair cop.
I paid $5,000 fore it 7 years and 110,000 miles ago, plus the clear coat has been peeling for the last 3 years.
The store that has Talisker 30 only wants $1200 for it.
UCS yesterday you were snappy at me about how everything is worth what someone is willing to pay
Did you pay the $2,000?
no. but someone will.
The 40 year benromachs i had at the distilery were fantastic drams. I think for most whisky 15+ is quite good, though for Islay younger works well. But older are bettet just pricey. The 24 year ild lagavoulin i had straight from the barrel was fire
The most expensive bottle i own is a laphroaig 25 which i bought at clearence for 220 dollars. I am keeping it but i have no idea for when. Part of me just says drink it. I have a bunahhabain 28 from wemyss which is also delicious. And a little over 200 which is a good price for that age.
I’ve had a few speedy bottles over the years but I’m not good at saving it – once it’s open, it’s getting consumed regularly.
I did find a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label in the back of my late FIL’s cabinet recently – that’s only survived this long because it’s a 2 hour drive from here 🙂
The 5 most expensive bottles i ever bought are still unopened in the back of the bar
I have JW Blue and this Talisker 18 as my expensive bottles. I may have a few over $100 that I’ve received as gifts or that weren’t that expensive when I bought them pre-silly times.
My expensive house bottle is Middleton. It was one of the first expensive bottles I bought (I think back then it was ~$100), and I’ve had one on hand ever since. It gets opened rarely, for special occasions.
Other than that, my every day drinkers are Bulleit and Tullamore, with specialties in the $40-70 range.
Expensive alcohol is a catch 22 for me. I don’t want to shell out a lot of money unless I know I’m going to like it, and nobody will let me try it without paying first.
don’t you have tastings or festivals in America?
The “Good” distilleries don’t live near me.
PieInTheSky:
Depends on the state. Some states don’t allow samples to be be given, or limit the amount of samples.
There’s always the expensive method of tasting as well, buying a short pour at a bar. Whisk(e)y flights are not uncommon at the better bars.
Occasionally makers will put out sampler collections at severely discounted prices.
There’s a thing where, in a bar, you can get like 4-5 samples in shot glasses, like an appetizer tray. I forgot what that’s called.
ETA: “Flight”! That’s what it’s called. Thanks, Neph.
Mo – that’s the ‘flight’ Mr Ilium mentioned.
Some states don’t allow samples to be be given, or limit the amount of samples – land of the free
No fair editing comments!
Pie – technically, the 21st Amendment did give the states wide authority specifically over alcohol when prohibition was repealed, so it is one of the few commercial products they do have constitutional authority to meddle with.
PieInTheSky:
If it makes you feel better, all beer fests in Ohio are required to give out tickets to limit the samplings. I have yet to attend a beer fest where I did not walk away with tickets at the end (in some cases with more tickets than I started with). There will usually be one or two tables that are ticket sticklers, and people just start avoiding those tables. The forms were followed, drinks were consumed, and good times had by all.
Missouri’s always been loosey goosey with liquor laws. It’s the only reason Kansas City got through the Depression relatively unscathed (Prohibition-flouting holdover economic success). IIRC, the feds threatened Missouri with force should they not ratify Prohibition.
I only edit (usually) for typos.
It’s a perfectly cromulent edit.
Dear Abby is dreadfully old-fashioned. Not telling teenaged boy-woman she’s entitled to everything she wants?
I love that pic so much.
I would love to see those costumes in meatspace in spite of the fact that I’d probably piss myself laughing.
I want that.
My youngest is fifteen (and a girl) so the accompanying Sean Connery banana-hammock costume would be no bueno.
Me too.
HAIL ZARDOZ.
I hope you got lots of guns for Brutalween.
So, XX got a promotion! Full-time, $3/hour raise!
🥳
Yay, competence!
If she’s on full benefits now, make sure she has the full packet of options and you can discuss pros/cons – and she doesn’t miss out on any coverage.
She’s on our insurance. I told her she had a deadline of 5 years to get full benefits somewhere.
Maybe compare what she’d pay as an employee to what you’re paying for her as a dependent? If her employee rate is cheaper, you could reimburse her. (Trickier, but maybe you could also figure out the tax difference either way?)
As an european it is still kind of strange to me the government doesnt just take an extra 12% of paycheck for gov healthcare
We have the family plan, so it costs us no less if she’s off it and XY is still on it. When both of them can get their own health plans through their employer, it’ll just be me and my husband and that will take it down significantly. We pay ~15k a year in premiums.
Also, both kids have to go to the psychiatrist and get meds, so they both know how important health insurance is.
the government doesnt just take an extra 12% of paycheck for gov healthcare
I just fixed the taxes on my first round of payroll for my law firm.
~15% payroll taxes
(I’m exempt from state and federal unemployment tax since I’m self employed)
~22% federal income tax
~5% state income tax
I had to pay ~42% of my wages to government.
Pie, I hope you know what FDR and LBJ had to do with this mess.
Pie, I hope you know what FDR and LBJ had to do with this mess.
They defeated Lafayette and the rest of the British at Little Big Horn and then forced them to hand over Alaska, thus making it our 57th state.
Actual rate or withholding rates?
Slum:
A man, a canal, Panama
Cool, I remember you said she had been wanting that for a while.
Great to hear XX is doing so well!
Our XX 1 is a great kid ( just turned 5 this past October) but he teacher told me that she’s been a great student but for some reason when she doesn’t get what she wants or something angers her, she throws these tantrums/crying fits which then disrupts class. We’ve talked to her but it seems like talking to her doesn’t do much so it’s time to put aside my wife’s gentle parenting and my loving but punitive parenting.
No spankings but I told her that we’ll get a chart and on the days that she doesn’t cry at school (sans getting hurt) we’ll give her a sticker that day and if she doesn’t cry for a week, we’ll let her play video games for 15 minutes longer before bedtime. If she doesn’t it for a second week in a row we’ll let her pick out her dessert for dinner. And if she doesn’t cry in class for a month straight, she’ll get a small toy. The punitive part is that if does cry, we’re taking away the video games for a week and no iPad along with going to bed earlier than usual. If this doesn’t change her behavior then no video games for a two weeks and that iPad goers away for a month and so on.
Ed, not that I’m an example of good parenting, but if I had to do it over again, this is what I’d do:
1. Get her tested for ADHD. If she does have it, manage with meds or not, but she’ll have to learn her own coping mechanisms regardless.
2. I had a chart like that when I was 5 and I couldn’t make it 3 days without doing something, so a week may be too long for such a small reward. Yes, I have ADHD.
3. The rewards you’re proposing are not worth the effort IMO.
4. She may be (probably is) bored. Load her up with activities and crafts and books (paper ones) and gamified learning apps. Our son’s issues were caused by boredom combined with a driving need to BE IN CHARGE.
5. Get her out in nature. A lot. Camp, hike, bicycle, DIY, yard work, whatever. Give her a set of tools (if she’s inclined that way) and give her materials to create with.
6. Make sure she gets lots of good sleep.
7. Wear her out.
That’s my 2¢.
YAY!
🎉🎉🎉
If XX had a proper critical diversity studies degree it would have been 4 dollars so better. But this is good to so congrats.
Finally! It’s about time! Did she ask for it (again,) or did they finally realize they needed someone to work those extra few hours?
She applied for an open posted position.
I’m not sure what it is exactly but the words “freight inspector” have been thrown around. I think possibly dispatch is involved.
👍
But I just have to say this. Whether or not I think my husband should go to college (which I do) (which he refuses to), I am SOOOOOOO happy my kids knew they didn’t want to go to college and/or weren’t suited to it. They’re 21 and 18 respectively, making good money in relatively inflation-proof industries and doing much better than working toward a useless English degreee.
What do you think your hubby should study?
Accounting. He would be a fantastic forensic accountant and I think he’d love it.
But he really wants to be a lion tamer, doesn’t he? 🦁
I do not think he has the proper hat for that
I’d be good with having sex every morning, day and night.
A FABULOUS NEW CAREER AWAITS YOU, OFF-WORLD.
Her boyfriend is gay and/or has a sidepiece.
Or she expect him to do all the work and that she get all the benefit of it.
Limp fish syndrome.
Or the boyfriend wrote it and reversed the genders.
No, he’s got a porn problem.
20 something and happy with once a week, while the girl wants more?
Something’s not adding up.
Or she’s put on 80# since they first met.
Or, she’s in her 20s, he’s a 60 year old sugar daddy.
Or the Bene Gesserit are putting an inhibitor in his diet.
Or he needs to lay off the soy and get his T checked.
20s and once a week does not compute.
20s and once a week does not compute.
I was there at a couple points. Weekly, maybe even every other week. It was during law school, and the mix of likely undiagnosed depression, horrible eating habits, 12-14 hour days, and hours of additional daily homework and reading assignments meant I was hardly conscious long enough at home to bother, let alone to desire it.
That issue cleared up pretty quick once life resumed a healthy cadence.
If I had to do it again, I would just do full time law school so that we could’ve build a good foundation to the marriage instead of starting from the ground level in year 4 with a ton of debt and, as is apparent in hindsight, relational dysfunction.
The Mrs. and I were at it day and night well into our 50’s.
That dude is gay and she is an idiot.
Go, XX!
Ugh. Chasing a gremlin in the frequency generation of the radar is not how I wanted to spend my Friday. What makes it worse is our technical documentation says that the pulse should be 200mv ‘typical’. Typical? So what is good and what is bad?
Yeah, I’d expect some variance value indicated for what’s tolerated.
William Shatner says that gremlin is on the wing.
John Lithgow: That happened to me too!
ron73440:
One of my favorite jokes ever. Of course, now they would have to work in Adam Scott as well.
When I first saw it on Third Rock, I hadn’t seen the original Twilight Zone, so I thought they were just referencing the movie.
When I saw the original show with Shatner, I almost fell off the couch laughing.
N-O S-M-O-K-I-N-G! Nnnnnoooo smoking!
Airlines need to stop meal service before midnight.
Be sure to Pacer yourself when looking for Gremlins.
That’s the Spirit!
You lot always seem to Ramble on.
I’ll trade you. Our dishwasher is currently in pieces on the kitchen floor. I think I’ve successfully diagnosed and corrected the problem, but getting it back together is going to be a bear.
i AM STOICALLY WAITING FOR NEXT sTOIC fRIDAY.
tHANKS FOR ALL YOU DO, RON.
*sighs wearily*
I rolled a one. Critical fail at caps lock.
i WILL BE BACK NEXT WEEK
I PROMISE
Yep. Good fortune with your car troubles.
Maybe you should borrow UCS’ mechanicen gloves.
BY NEXT WEEK MEAN…
Had to be said.
Ive noticed 12-15yr is a nice sweet spot
Okay, groomer.
our technical documentation says that the pulse should be 200mv ‘typical’.
give or take.
200, 221, whatever it takes
Me to engineer: We are getting 54mv, seems bad as the assembly is an RF driver
Engineer: Well..um, I am not sure it matters.
Hey, you had a question for me?
AC system?
Hey Yusef,
Just wondering if you had thoughts on whether it was worth an extra $1k for a Bosch gas furnace vs. American Standard.
I ended up going with the American Standard – also comes with a $600 federal tax credit. I’m sure it’ll be fine.
(The “cheap” option was a Trane; other place quoted me a Carrier).
What guy in his 20s only wants to fuck once a week?
What guy in his
20s50s only wants to fuck once a week?FTFY.
At 73, there’s a real difference between wants to fuck and is able to fuck once a week. Sigh.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
Theories abound.
She is a beard and doesnt know it. What is it with women like that?
She said he only wants to fuck HER once per week. He probably hates it.
I got a 20 lei bill as change today. I had no idea it existed. Never saw one in my life.
According to the internet, the 20 and 500 are “rarely used”. I guess it’s like the US $2, real, but not often spotted in the wild.
500 i had before. 200 also, rarely but i had some. 20 is a new experience
https://www.amazon.com/photos/shared/Cy6kC3IHR-6Hs4sA0wOWTA.XMLRJ7nXQzcncHL6BTci07
I’ve got some in my desk drawer.
The third one is fake
Nobody makes that much money in Romania?
In the good old days we had 4 extra zeroes… Everyone was a millionaire
Dear ZARDOZ,
Is it advisable to snark on LinkedIn? It keeps showing me an ad about some dumb shit that Mark Cuban is doing.
My reply would be something like:
“So inspiring to see Mark Cuban overcome his severe developmental disabilities to achieve success in his career!”
I like the one that says Mark Cuban is an inspiration, because it shows that even complete idiots can become wealthy in America.
It is so embarrassing that he is in the DFW metroplex.
https://www.instagram.com/jordanreviewsittt/reel/DA6QbTpO_75/?hl=en
So true. It is the garbagest of garbage social media.
Depends. Do you use or plan to use LinkedIn for any sort of professional or employment use? It’s already mostly business FB anyhow.
I just cleaned out everybody I have never met from linked in. Now my feed is a bunch of ads and not much else. I dropped over 300 connections, all randos who either connected with me because were in the same field or because they want to sell me something.
I log in once every week or two on order to make sure no recruiters or conferences have contacted me. Otherwise, it’s worthless.
So true.
I just got an email from them congratulating me on 15 years at LinkedIn.
I haven’t logged in in like 14 years.
I stopped by the irish pub for a beer and the tv that normally has rugby football or cricket now shows figure skating. What the fuck.
Gay night?
no. most of the regulars were in. and there is no such thing. But it is the logical conclusion.
most of the regulars were in.
Maybe one of the regulars requested it. Because he’s like, you know, gay.
and there is no such thing
There are no gays in
IrelandRomaniaAnd, of course, the follow-up
Speaking of childhood discipline, this memory fragment popped to the surface. One of my very very few forays into actively dealing with a child.
Family holiday gathering. My sister’s son (7? 8?) was careening around being an obnoxious little shit, so I grabbed him and told him he had to sit quietly with me instead of rampaging around. my sister got huffy and sent him off to one of the bedrooms to be by himself until he could behave.
Being by yourself shouldn’t be a punishment.
My dad would’ve backhanded me into next week if I’d been doing that.
It’s only a punishment when they’re missing out on something better. I sent the eldest to her bed the other day for intentionally rushing out past her sister and taking an outdoor toy that her sister was saying that she was going to play with.
After 15 minutes, I found her in the bed reading a book. She was rather ambivalent about the punishment being over.
We are not gentle parents. We are not our kids’ friends. We spank, we give disproportionate punishments as deterrants from certain behaviors, we expect a lot from our kids.
OTOH, we trust them to do a lot more than most other kids their age because we know they’re not little shits. They’re not horrible to be around, and they’re capable of interacting in an adult context.
Maybe it is to some. Certainly not to me.
https://frinkiac.com/caption/S04E02/638387
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN9CjAfo5n0&ab_channel=EricCarmnVEVO
After 15 minutes, I found her in the bed reading a book. She was rather ambivalent about the punishment being over.
My mom told me once that she told my dad (about me), “If you think you’re punishing him by sending him to his room, you’re kidding yourself.”
It all depends, I guess.
It’s fine in the moments where you just need the kids to be separate for a few minutes. The 3 year old wanted to ride the toy for a few minutes, and the 7 year old needed to learn that there are consequences to being a jerk to your little sister.
It wasn’t really a full on discipline moment, more of a “I see what you’re doing there, and that shit’s gonna stop right now” moment. I was pleasantly surprised that she wasn’t sulking, to be honest.
🤬
The corner of my storm door snagged my pantleg and tore it.
Today is just racking up the little annoyances.
Sew?
What?
Tundra, unless it happened to tear open a seam, I’m afraid it’s a goner. One possible long shot: an iron-on patch of the appropriate color on the inside of the leg, but I don’t know how sturdy that would be.
The raggedy orphan look is in this year.
It was the middle of the flat panel. Whatever I opt to do about it, these will never be work pants again.
Sew what
See next thread, not that it will help.
Will it weave together some constructive answers?
There doesn’t seam to be a “next thread” yet.
GT, we’re just needling the boy.
Billy Mays says…
Sorry I’m late for holloween?
Has this been linked already?
https://x.com/ImMeme0/status/1852232121089200574