I Hope He’s Housebroken

by | Dec 7, 2024 | Beer, Food & Drink, Media, Welcome to the Party | 104 comments

For many people my age, this movie was at one point was scary as hell. Now its endearing, kind of like Showgirls.

This is my review of Samuel Smith’s Organic Chocolate Stout (now in cans!):

The is movie begins when a man of sorts walks into a strange shop in Chinatown. He purchases a curio but the owner warns him of a terrible curse—but it comes with a free frozen yogurt, which the owner likes to call “Frogurt”. The Frogurt is also cursed, but you get your choice of topping!

…okay maybe that was The Simpsons stealing the bit.

Gremlins begins when a businessman walks into the same shop in Chinatown to sell them a product but instead leaves with a Mogwai. Its a cute, furry creature that has exactly three rules to own:

  • Do not get Mogwai wet
  • Do not feed Mogwai after midnight
  • Do not allow Mogwai into sunlight or bright light in general

Sounds simple, right?

WRONG! Failure to comply with any of these rules will result in these furry creatures transforming and multiplying into murderous little bastards.

Does this mean all Mogwai are bad? No, just all of them that are not the cute one that follows these three rules himself. Get him wet he multiplies, his progeny go on a rampage destroying everything they find. The movie ends up at a Montgomery-Ward where I am puzzled that America used to be a proper country where I can buy a revolver at a department store and somehow I can’t do that anymore.

So can this movie be made today? Yes, because it is absolutely stupid, mindless fun. Isn’t this what movies are supposed to be? Which means I don’t want them to even try because they will surely mess up the reboot. Also, this begins with a slew of Chinese stereotypes so making this movie post-COVID can only be taken seriously if this was purchased at a wet market to make a more authentic Chinese meal. Also yes, this movie takes place over Christmas, therefore it is a Christmas movie when using the Die Hard standard.

The best part about this beer is unlike this movie I had it so many times its very familiar, but it has been several years since I reviewed it. Don’t remember? That’s cool, I’m not going to look it up i the archive, that takes forever and I barely have time to do this now. What about this is any different than before?

…its in a can. Now there isn’t as much body to it than what you get from the glugging pour from the oddly shaped glass bottle but it is still the same in every other aspect. No, it is not a nitro can, because the Irish do that, but it is a can because bottles are makeshift weapons and we simply cannot trust Englishman with something this dangerous. Samuel Smith’s Organic Chocolate Stout (now in cans!): 3.8/5

About The Author

mexican sharpshooter

mexican sharpshooter

WARNING: Glibertarians.com contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. https://youtu.be/qiAyX9q4GIQ?t=2m22s

104 Comments

  1. Stinky Wizzleteats

    You got a loisense for that bottle, mate?

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Aye

  2. The Late P Brooks

    Wasn’t there a cute girl in that movie? There’s always a cute girl.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Young Phoebe Cates…hubba hubba!

  3. Aloysious

    mmmmm… beer. This is the perfect time of year for a chocolate stout.

    I’m going to see if I can still find a Rogue Shakespear Stout. One of my favorites.

  4. rhywun

    Last time I saw this I was thinking it’s probably too violent for its target audience today.

    And… Wikipedia says it’s one of the movies that helped birth PG-13.

  5. Mojeaux

    @lack from last night’s dedthred

    It’s a great description. Perfectly conveys the awe and appreciation men can have for beauty, how art can inspire action.

    Yes, it’s lurid. That is part of being human. If you make it the only or most important part of being human, that’s when you have trouble.

    Thank you so much! While women can be great artists and there are lots of us, men are usually the ones who take it to a whole ‘nother level. Music, visual arts, cooking, writing, etc etc etc.

    It’s like being 16 again.

    There is no libido like the libido of a 35- to 50yo woman’s.

    • Ownbestenemy

      There is no libido like the libido of a 35- to 50yo woman’s.

      So true *gets dragged back to bedroom*

      • Mojeaux

        I really hate what menopause has done to me. Had no symptoms (mine was surgical, so immediate), but boy did it alter who I am.

      • Gustave Lytton

        True all the way around, from secondhand observation.

      • Evan from Evansville

        *Takes vociferous notes — ensures to add Warnings to List*

        That’s exciting. Also terrifying, but nonetheless. *clicks heels*

    • Fourscore

      Does it come with a listening device implant? So the Chinese government can later activate them and steal all my stuff?

    • rhywun

      have to get it wet to achieve the full effect

      😳

      • Tundra

        Now that’s a proper euphemism.

  6. Shpip

    My local released one of their two annual special beers last Friday. It’s named for this remarkable lady.

    The beer is interesting to me because it’s a gruit — a medieval style that uses herbs and roots instead of hops as a bittering agent. It’s dark brown, mildly carbonated, and clocks in at 10% ABV.

    If you stumble across a gruit, give it a try.

    • R C Dean

      *clicks link*

      “We’re sorry we’ve asked you a few times recently, but it’s Saturday, December 7, and our fundraiser will soon be over.”

      Fuck off.

    • Nephilium

      The herb blend in gruit was originally taxed by local governments, which lead to brewers using hops as a bittering agent. So those of you who rail against IPA’s, you can blame government action for their eventual rise.

      • Chafed

        I’m happy to both blame the government and dislike IPAs.

  7. Ownbestenemy

    Any glibs in or around OKC, myself and Mrs OBE will be there for a couple weeks. Also swinging though Springfield, MO on way out Sunday

    • Mojeaux

      See if you can roust Trashy. He’s in the Springfield area.

      • Ownbestenemy

        We’ll see!

    • Lazer

      I’m in Springfield. You going to the big ole original Bass Pro Shops? Lol

      • Lazer

        And which Sunday?

  8. The Late P Brooks

    *murmurs reverently*

    Phoebe Cates…

    • Sean

      😁

  9. SarumanTheGreat

    GREMLINS

    It always made me wonder which government regulator allowed people to have pets that if you didn’t take care of them JUST RIGHT they would morph into the most horrible tiny monsters imaginable.

    I remember the sequel, which was a send-up of the first. It also featured a secondary character that was a semi-parody of Donald Trump.

    • rhywun

      if you didn’t take care of them JUST RIGHT they would morph into the most horrible tiny monsters imaginable

      So… cats?

      • R C Dean

        We’re done here.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        👏 Golf 👏 Clap 👏

    • Gender Traitor

      …pets that if you didn’t take care of them JUST RIGHT they would morph into the most horrible tiny monsters imaginable.

      Also known as children?

  10. LCDR_Fish

    Sam Smith’s Chocolate Stout is so much lighter and smoother than most US indies now. Hoping I can find those in Europe without any issue. Haven’t been by a Total Wine in a while (still stuck in Norfolk).

    • R C Dean

      They need to get a move on if you’re going to make it to Ukraine for tripwire duty.

  11. Ownbestenemy

    Watching old South Park. What an amazing understanding of US culture.

    Old…shit. this was releases when I was graduating high school.

    • LCDR_Fish

      You’re the ATC guy…I thought you were like 20 years older than me and I graduated HS in ’98.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Same. 1998

      • Ownbestenemy

        Wait. 20 years your senior? I can take that as a compliment that my wisdom and knowledge is beyond my years or I come off as an old fart

      • kinnath

        20 years older than me

        You rang?

  12. Tundra

    That was a fun movie. I like when the bad guys rewired the crabby old lady’s stair lift and launched her into the front yard!

    That’s a good beer. I haven’t had it for awhile but I will seek it out.

    Thanks for the review and the trip down memory lane!

  13. kinnath

    Back when Gremlins came out, one of the burger joints (Burger King I think) ran a promotional tie in with the movie. The gremlins in on ad campaign and printed out the soda cups were far less frightening that the gremlins in the movie.

    I imagine that scores of young children were traumatized after talking their parents into letting them see the movie.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Gremlins was awesome as a little kid. I watched it…a bunch. Saw it in theaters.

  14. Evan from Evansville

    This is perhaps my most embarrassing 80s omission. Temple of Doom also pushed PG-13 and that’s right in my wheelhouse. (Obviously the worst of the three, but fuck. It’s fun. Bro did the heart-ripping scenes to put me in my place.)

    • UnCivilServant

      I still want to know how Indy found out Mola Ram’s name. He is the first character in the movie to say it.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      Color me impressed if she can down both steaks and both eggs.

      • Mojeaux

        That’s the way I was eating when I was hard-core low-carbing and losing weight like crazy. She can eat3x what I could then or can now, though.

      • Mojeaux

        I will say this: I took the fat off my steaks and grilled them longer so they were kinda crunchy on the outside and steaming hot on the inside.

      • Tundra

        I think I would only do carnivore to fix an autoimmune problem or something. I love steaks, but I couldn’t hammer them every day like Shawn Baker does.

      • Mojeaux

        I sprinkled chicken and pork and duck into my diet, but it was mostly steak and eggs, especially if I was eating out.

    • rhywun

      What I don’t get about tiktok.

      Unless I knew this person personally I would never sit through five seconds of that again.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        I don’t get that about social media at all. How is it that some accounts have millions of followers? I can understand celebs or high profile folk, but a young girl sitting around pontificating while eating steak? GTFO.

      • Mojeaux

        With people like her, it’s the voice and personality. She could be crocheting and it wouldn’t make a difference. But her eating a straight bad-ass meal is ALSO giving people some inspiration for being able to look like that AND eat the way they want to/need to.

        You don’t have favorite authors because they have original ideas. They don’t. There are no original ideas. You read them for their unique twist and their authorial voice.

    • Tundra

      She’s a cutie. And she is correct.

  15. Mojeaux

    I have never seen this movie.

      • Mojeaux

        *hangs head in shame*

      • rhywun

        We all have our blind spots.

        Like when I said the other day I’ve never seen Top Gun.

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        Goddammit! We’re a forum filled with the non-cultured!!

        Ahhhhhhhh!

      • Tundra

        The fuck, Rhy?

        Seriously?

      • UnCivilServant

        Wait, there was some expectation that people have seen Top Gun?

        I have not.

        I have seen both Gremlins movies multiple times.

      • The Hyperbole

        If I have seen it I’ve completely forgotten, I’m aware of it and have seen clips or scenes over the years scrolling through channels, but I can’t say I’ve ever sat through the entire movie in one go and couldn’t give you any more of a synopsis than “cute little fuzzy things become mean evil scaly things and terrorize people”

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Saw the first Gremlins movie, didn’t like it. Saw Top Gun, didn’t like it.

        Saw a ton of other movies, liked some, didn’t like others.

    • kinnath

      Gremlins was brilliant.

      Don’t know how it will stand up 40 years later to a first time viewer.

      But I would certainly recommend you check it out.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Now’s the time. It’s a Christmas movie!

      • rhywun

        It stands up.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Now’s the time. It’s a Christmas movie!

        Damn straight

    • Sean

      How is that possible?

      • Muzzled Woodchipper

        For a Gen Xer, it’s like saying you haven’t seen Top Gun or Back To The Future or the Thriller video.

        Not sure how any of that is possible given the cultural penetration.

      • rhywun

        FWIW I was almost as much a hermit in HS as I am now. The few movies I saw with friends were like Terminator and Star Wars type stuff. Top Gun? GTFO. Zero interest.

      • R C Dean

        Interesting, rhy. I would have thought the gayest movie since the SS Gay docked at Gay Harbor would have caught your interest.

      • Tundra

        Both Top Gun and Maverick are terrific movies.

      • rhywun

        gayest movie since

        I doubt it was advertised as such.

    • R C Dean

      Me, neither, Moje. I was graduating college/getting ready to go to law school when it came out, so not the demographic at all. And of course this was way before streaming, so when it was gone from theaters that summer, it was gone.

    • Mojeaux

      IN MY DEFENSE

      I was not allowed to see many of these “teen” movies, and also, didn’t have much money. Generally speaking, if I haven’t see an 80s movie that came out before 1986, that’s why. The ones I DID see, I had to lie and sneak around about. It was different if my brother wanted to see any given movie. That was okay. Because heaven knew, my parents didn’t know how to crack my brother’s shell any other way but to indulge every random interest he had.

      I was not allowed to see this movie and I didn’t see Top Gun or Labyrinth until I went to BYU.

    • Ownbestenemy

      That move is dirty and something you’d only try in practice.

      Amazing

      • Tundra

        Filthy and full speed. You love to see it.

      • Ownbestenemy

        It is something I will say I miss most. Just on the ice, screwing around and trying anything possible.

        Lifting the puck and smacking down on the ice to try and bat it out of the air was something I would work on nonstop.

        Between the leg shots and moves like this would all be roller, never ice

      • Tundra

        Definitely. At 57 though, those tricks are far in the rear view mirror. I’m just happy when I can get a good shot off or actually put it on the right guy’s tape!

  16. UnCivilServant

    On a previous thread someone asked where I found Vidalia Onions at this time of year.

    The answer I almost gave was “At the grocery Store”

    The longer answer is “I don’t know where they were grown or how long they were stored”. My opinion on geographic identifiers is thus – If a food product originally from a specific location becomes known for a specific set of properties and you are able to match those properties, it’s more of a public service to mark it both with the matched style and a marker of actual location of origin. So this might be a foreign Vidalia onion rather than one from Georgia. I didn’t look.

    • SarumanTheGreat

      I believe onions can only be labeled ‘Vidalia’ if they come from that particular part of Georgia. Similar to the geographic restrictions of Parmesan Cheese. I’m sure there are lots of others.

      • The Hyperbole

        Parmigiano-Reggiano is a specific cheese from Italy, made in designated regions under PDO status, while Parmesan refers to similar hard cheeses made outside specific regions, often following similar methods but without following PDO regulations.

      • Nephilium

        /goes and buys a California Champagne

      • UnCivilServant

        Don’t do it!

        Those sparkles are made of concentrated smug, it’s lethal!

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        So, California champagne and French wine, both are grown on California root stock, due to a lice infection in France in the 19th century.

        Thus, some Champagne from CA is allowed to actually call itself that, as opposed to sparkling wine. Otherwise, it has to come from the Champagne region of France.

  17. UnCivilServant

    I had a generic mechanical keyboard with grey on grey, cherry profile keycaps. I just recapped it with SA profile keycaps in ebony, ivory, and burgandy, it looks so much better now, and I can read the keys. For the regular letters that wasn’t as big a deal, but the layout is smaller than my typical 104 key, so I need to look for things like page up, down, home, and end.

    It’s not quite as retro as I was hoping, but still more than the modern mid profile caps I pulled off. (SA caps are high profile.)

  18. Gender Traitor

    Well, I ventured forth on my first perilous quest to acquire Christmas gifts for my siblings (first to bricks & mortar stores, that is – ordered a couple of things online last night.) Had a little bit of luck at the nearby German Baptist farm market and at a little new-and-used bookstore, but I’m nowhere near done. Hope I can get some more ideas and get all involved to agree to KEEP IT SIMPLE!!! 😟

    • Chafed

      He nailed it.

  19. Chafed

    That’s a really good beer. I hope canning it doesn’t screw up the flavor.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      It didn’t, but it doesn’t release as much CO2 as the bottles.

      • Chafed

        That seems odd. Why is that?