“LSD orgy!” Warty screamed as he dived into the pile of entangled limbs and swollen genitalia. He swatted away jutting penises as he pulled himself over the undulating surface, toward the upraised buttocks of a Checkerboard Lady. The tangled delight of her labia reminded him of the optical art seat cloth in a Porsche 928. Warty had experienced a singular night of unsurpassed passion with a sentient Porsche 928 on the Planet of Living Fuck Cars and he was eager to relive the orgasmo-visual disorientation.
As he pulled himself through the grunting, rutting, squirting, spurting, farting, queefing, climaxing, wilting, re-engorging and flaccid fuck pit, Warty reveled at the feel of skin-on-skin after so much time in the timesuit. He was still wearing it, of course; it was much too dangerous to take it off, but tuned a few nanoseconds out of phase. Warty tried to remain alert, ready to bring the suit into phase and jump away at any sign of danger, but his turgidity was distracting as it was licked, nuzzled, caressed, grabbed, rubbed, petted and slapped as he moved toward the Checkerboard Lady.
LSD was in everything on Planet LSD-25: the water, the food, the sweat, and sexual fluids of every inhabitant. It was 23,246 AD and it was the height of custom planet colonization in The Milky Way. Warty had visited The Planet of Perpetual Sunrise, The Planet of No Dogshit Anywhere, The Planet of the Over-Sexualized Ape Hookers, The Planet of Aging Sideways, and The Planet of Intact Males Wearing Flip-Flops. He had skipped all the boring-sounding ones. Warty had set the nanomachines swarming in his blood to capture the LSD molecules and parse them out slowly for a continuous light trip, instead of a full on freak out. Things and people would glimmer, but he wouldn’t start firing piconukes at giant flying penises trying to drown him in cosmic semen, like that time on Hoffman’s orbital platform. (He had never been invited back.)
As he approached The Checkerboard Lady, erect and ready to plunder her intimate geometry, she turned to him.
“Warty Hugeman, strongman out of time, man with no home, why have you come to this place?” she asked, in spectral tones.
“I am Warty Hugeman and I am here to have sex with you,” he replied. She seemed to be growing larger and larger, he tried to shake off the effect of the hallucinogen.
“It is not The Sacrament of the Holy Solvent that affects you. I am growing larger. You are a monster, Warty Hugeman, a monster stalking through time to fuck and loot all of creation. I am defending myself from you, Warty Hugeman.” She towered over him now, sinking through the stunned orgy participants until she reached solid ground. All the fucking and sucking and licking and peeing had stopped. They were all focused on the giant Checkerboard Lady and Warty Hugeman.
“There’s no need for that, baby,” he shouted up at her. “If you don’t want to get it on, I’m not going to make you. Or stay like that if you want, I like ‘em on the big side anyway.”
The Checkerboard Lady queefed in reply, a thunderous sound that knocked the assembled orgyfolk to the ground. It smelled like freshly mowed grass. Suddenly Warty was a child again, playing on the front porch, watching his father mow the grass. A rock kicked out from under the mower and struck Warty right above his tender eyebrow. Out of the manufactured memory, Warty reached up and felt an old scar forming on his brow.
“How are you doing this?” he yelled up at her. She was still growing. Her smallest toe was now larger than Warty. She queefed again and the surrounding structures on the plain crumbled. The orgyfolk right under the blast were crushed to a paste. It smelled like the exhaust from an ancient hydrocarbon vehicle.
Warty was suddenly in a memory from high school. He was running across a busy highway, following his friends. Warty was confused and faltered. He looked up and a car was bearing down on him. On instinct, he threw himself out of the way but not fast enough. The car clipped his leg, shattering it.
Warty snapped back to the present. He fell to the ground in agony, feeling the steel pins pushing aside bone and marrow to seat themselves in place. He groped at the small studs set into the meat of his hand. The timesuit materialized around him.
“Stop! I wasn’t going to hurt you!” he yelled, amplified by the external speakers of the suit. He couldn’t even make out her face any longer; it was simply too far away. When she spoke, it was with the voice of an angry god.
“YOU HURT EVERYONE, WARTY HUGEMAN! YOU HAUNT TIME LIKE A GHOUL!”
“SO I GUESS WERE NOT GOING TO FUCK?” he boomed back at her.
“DIE!” she shrieked, rending the very sky apart.
“Fine, be like that!” Warty said and vanished into the timestream
a singular night of unsurpassed passion with a sentient Porsche 928
And that conjures an image of sex with a (mostly) female Russian Olympic shot putter, circa 1968.
Well done.
*thousand yard stare*
Love the return of Warty Hugeman.
Yeah, it’s nice to see.
Please tell me that the planet customization shop orbits Soulianis and Rahm.
“swollen genitalia”
Oh Lord….
Well, that was just fantastic.
And educational – TIL about those wild 928 seats.
‘“LSD orgy!” Warty screamed as he dived into the pile of entangled limbs and swollen genitalia.’
Right off the jump, that opening line put a pep in my step on this unexpected day off…(will continue reading shortly)…
Non sequitur: Sometimes I think a more accurate handle for my online self would be Juggling Bill’s…(opens recent utility bill)…Fuck me.
Good to see you, TH!
You too, my friend!
(Continues reading)…
So Susan Wojcicki didn’t really die after all. She just time jumped and this is her revenge arc.
right thats enough internet for this month
(after 30 odd years working with and around old books, had not seen that one! Awesome.)
1967, so period appropriate. I’ve looked around for an e-copy. It has a listing on Amazon third party, but no copies are available. And it is not listed on ABE Books.
I’m sure Marcus Miller was a just a house author, he is also listed as the author of:
Gay Revolution
Dr. Asbury has discovered a drug which changes ordinary men into homosexuals. But is the effect permanent? Is there an antidote? And what would happen if he slipped his drug into water supplies all over the world? Since Asbury was a practical man, he decided to try it and find out.
Rare footage of Marcus Miller at work.
I’m still stuck at a thunderous queef that smells of freshly mowed grass. Not sure if I should gag or unzip.
Embrace the power of “and”.
Interesting. I know a dealer who, as one of his specialties, works with post-war pulps. He would be a person to check with, but I would be selling it too him, as this isn’t my particular field of interest.
YOU HURT EVERYONE, WARTY HUGEMAN! – this is one of those things where the author writes from experience
Fantastic. I love the detail of the other planets he visited. “Planet of no dogshit ever” is definitely a planet I want to visit once Elon gets us deeper into space.
Seriously. Especially if that is also “Planet of no junkie assholes whose dogs shit all over my building’s courtyard lawn”.
Ah, a nostalgic tug at the heart strings.
Sorry for the re-run. Got jammed up at work today. Looking for something post and ran across this, originally written for Hit & Run in 2013.
new to me
also if one remembers 2013 one does not drink nearly enough
As long as it doesn’t summon that crazy stalker bitch from TOS.
That being said, this was a really fun blast from the past.
I was wondering why there was no ask for art, this explains it.
CNN is on the case
As part of the overhaul, the Post will publish daily opinion stories on two editorial “pillars”: personal liberties and free markets, Bezos teased in an X post on Wednesday morning after announcing the change in a company-wide email. The Post’s opinion section will cover other subjects, too, Bezos wrote, but “viewpoints opposing those pillars will be left to be published by others.”
——-
Bezos’ announcement was immediately met with hostility by some Post staffers who publicly took issue with the move.
Jeff Stein, the publisher’s chief economics reporter, called the overhaul a “massive encroachment by Jeff Bezos” that makes it clear “dissenting views will not be published or tolerated there.”
“I still have not felt encroachment on my journalism on the news side of coverage, but if Bezos tries interfering with the news side I will be quitting immediately and letting you know,” Stein said on X.
Amanda Katz, who stepped down from her role on the Post’s Opinion team at the end of 2024, called the change “an absolute abandonment of the principles of accountability of the powerful, justice, democracy, human rights, and accurate information that previously animated the section in favor of a white male billionaire’s self-interested agenda.” And columnist Philip Bump, who pens the Post’s weekly “How to Read This Chart” newsletter, pithily said “what the actual f**k” on Bluesky.
“We hate freedom” would make a nice slogan.
“Individual liberties are not human rights!”
How dare the man who pays me have a say in pulling this rag back from well beyond the brink of irrelevancy!
Bezos – “I did it to take some heat off of my buddy Zuckerberg. Now he looks less squishy!”
‘“dissenting views will not be published or tolerated there.”’
So…the same as usual but from a different slant. Got it.
Being generous upon rereading it, it seems those two spots will always be “pro”. It doesn’t suggest whatever other editorial they run can’t be a different viewpoint.
My assumption is editorial is pissed because it takes away “two slots” permanently for content that they don’t like.
Ah, okay. My initial response is those two pro stances will probably be lukewarm and filled with qualifiers at best. Will see.
Was this taken from an NSA chatroom?
no comment
That’s classified!
The sexiest chat-room.
SF started that chat room.
Would sin-trip with her. Got a hold of LSD a couple of times, the last in Jan, 2006. Second semester at Indiana University and that crazy shit made the rounds. MLK Day 3-Day weekend, and that acid-trip directly led to my adventure with shingles, which is more profoundly shitty than you may imagine.
If I trip hard enough, especially that time, every line and border in my visual field became interconnected gears. I could change and control their rotational speed. There was also a portrait in the dorm – by just vaguely looking at her, the image would (rapidly) switch to different figures in a Historical Character Action Card sorta way. ‘WWII infantryman;’ medieval knight; armorer, that kind of thing. I also casually watched an ent walk through the quad, taking its sweet time, that lumbering mass.
Straight up, it was a 50-hour ‘trip.’ Have one of those, and the origin of the term crystallizes. I did/do have a mushroom connection in Indiana, but my last trips were my first ‘bad’ ones and I haven’t gone back. Once I get back to a positive mental space, assuredly, I will again. Hallucinogens are tremendously fascinating, and I kinda encourage ‘everyone’ to give ’em a shot. Mushrooms, make tea to prevent nausea, are the easiest start. I also think certain people absolutely should *not* be tripping. I’m still in that category, but with confirmation of employment, beginning March 2, things are looking up.
I’ll trip again! Never had any orgy, (though I did lose my virginity in a threesome, in which I *happily* allowed myself to be used), and while I’m not *against* them, we’d all have to be in the *exact* same mindset for me to ‘enjoy’ the sexual frolic. (I’m rather sexually ‘boring,’ with no kinks to speak of. Biggest pleasure? Her havin’ a great time.) Orgy?! Lots of jugglin’ to make sure each gets off. Seems easy to breed contempt. (I’m sure sexual jealousy can be tremendously hot.) My trips have almost all been solitary journeys of discovery. They really do open doors of perception. (Also fun! I went down on a girl before I got my first kiss.)
Michelle Trachtenberg has passed away.
I saw that! Very sad.
Wow. Only 39. I’m nearly 45 and have probably inflicted far worse damage to myself than she could have ever dreamed of. Yet here I live. Genetics are a motherfucker.
At 39? What happened?
*checks article*
Oh. That sucks.
That’s remarkably sad. I have fond memories of Harriet the Spy, though I never saw it. It came out when I was 9/10, saw commercials and was beginning to have nascent ideas of kinda ‘understanding’ a crush. (See also: Christina Ricci.) I thought it was going to end differently, her only being 39:
“The sources told ABC News the actress recently underwent a liver transplant and may have been experiencing complications. Trachtenberg is believed to have died of natural causes and no foul play is suspected.” None of my biz why she needed a liver transplant, but if that’s what got her, I’d stick with ‘complications’ rather than ‘natural causes.’ Ain’t none of that natural.
‘…was beginning to have nascent ideas of kinda ‘understanding’ a crush.’
Que Jennifer Connelly via Labyrinth when I was around six or seven.
Shit happens. A dude I grew up with died of Leukemia when he was only twenty-nine and never touched an illicit substance in his life.
Like I said up thread: Genetics are a motherfucker.
RIP
Movies wise first thing that comes to mind is still Eurotrip…
RIP
only know her from Buffy
‘“dissenting views will not be published or tolerated there.”’
Declining to publish explicitly anti-freedom and anti-capitalist content; I don’t have much of a problem with that. I suspect the government-is-good stuff will continue to slip through.
Another 21K years of social evolution is sure going to pay off.
Reminds me of my question….when AI and robotics makes everyone unemployed what will we all do? Goes without saying that a large portion of us will just get stoned and fuck all of the time.
Unproductive people are violently destructive and degenerate. Having no purpose would utterly destroy any society that achieves that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqdtzJvliMk
‘Goes without saying that a large portion of us will just get stoned and fuck all of the time.’
But first the culling of the “non-essential”.
Disclaimer: The “non-essential” is a fluid term and you may be classified as such at any given time based on the current political power structure.
/looks over at the government workers being fired
I think we have a control group.
Billy Binion
@billybinion
This is so gross. I agree that much of USAID needed to be gutted. But the absolute glee some on the right are taking in the suffering of these people—who also have rents to pay & families to feed—is grotesque. Conservatives need to stop promoting people who act like 12 year olds.
https://x.com/billybinion/status/1894150522170380594
people happy the mob can no longer squeeze protection money from the neighborhood do nit think about the mobsters children or something.
I remember all the glee the government wonks had when the evil insurance industry was destroyed, and when the Keystone pipeline was closed and thousands lost their jobs with absolutely no right to appeal. There was so much happiness amongst the greenies when that happened. Payback is a bitch. And maybe “Learn to code.”
But TOS libertarians need to signal the appropriate opinions, not like us uncool glibs
Learn to HVAC.
And make sure to check the thermostat.
The far left has exercised full control over all the power for decades and gleefully laughed at everyone they destroyed along the way.
They can kindly fuck right off.
“Learn to dig ditches, bitches!”
Oh, FFS. They lost their jobs. Happens to everybody.
Happens to everybody – the issue is that these are not jobs that are easy to replace, like the 27 year old fella making 90k doing PR for a national park.
Jobs with the money and perks relative to their ability are few, nice work if you can get it as they say, but many won’t get it anymore
Fair enough. Unproductive, do-nothing jobs don’t come along every day.
Contagion
The vast majority of businesses in the European Union would no longer have to disclose their impact on the environment or exposure to the risks of climate change under a proposed bill that significantly winds back the scope of key EU green laws.
The European Commission announced Wednesday it wants to exempt 80 percent of companies from its mandatory sustainability disclosure requirements as part of its eagerly anticipated omnibus simplification package.
The first of a planned series of red tape-slashing laws, the bill proposes to amend four key rules from the European Green Deal: The corporate sustainability reporting directive (CSRD), the corporate sustainability due diligence directive (CSDDD), the EU taxonomy on sustainable investments and the carbon border tax.
Look what those ultra right wing radicals (and Trump) made them do.
Live in reality?
Chinese choking on smog and slaving Congolese miner-kids will thank them.
“Warty had experienced a singular night of unsurpassed passion with a sentient Porsche 928 on the Planet of Living Fuck Cars”
*blinks, heads for liquor cabinet*
When exactly, does a psychedelic sin-trip pass the point of no return?
So I know for next time.
You haven’t been phoning in any threats in Italy, have you?
(I can’t recall where you are stationed.)
When you spend multiple hours laughing hysterically at Slayer music videos from the 80’s then sit on your buddy’s back for an hour until he calms down enough so he doesn’t drive from Kansas City to Indianapolis at 2:00 am in the fucking morning to check on the health of his kitten.
The announcement immediately drew criticism from members of the European Parliament and green groups.
——-
Beate Beller, a campaigner at Global Witness, said: “Commission President von der Leyen’s attack on her own sustainability agenda is disgraceful.”
Just stick your fingers in your ears and scream. That will drive reality away.
In local news the nutjob who came in first in the first round of the election was charged with some mostly bullshit charged and questioned for 5 hours… stupid shit man.
They have to destroy Romanian democracy in order to save it…kind of a dark and dangerous road y’all are going down.
Today in retardation, Michael Moore:
“Who’s really being removed by ICE tonight? The child who would’ve discovered the cure for cancer in 2046? The 9th grade nerd who would’ve stopped that Astroid [sic] that’s gonna hit us in 2032?” Moore wrote in a Substack post published Tuesday.”
Who says they can’t cure cancer or stop asteroids from their native country?
similar to the socon argument zero abortions or one might abort the next Einstein or something
Deportation is less final than murdering them.
What if . . . .
How many children removed by ICE will grow up to be rapists and murderers. Not all, but far more than grow up to be scientists.
What if a young girl grows up to be brilliant scientist and a young boy a rapist thug, and the boy rapes the girl and the resulting kid will be the savior of the world? makes you think.
They can only do that with unlimited US welfare and lawlessness!
Per one whistleblower (I’m uncertain how reliable she was), NSA was using British facilities to warrantlessly wiretap US elected officials in the 1980s.
https://x.com/Peter_Nimitz/status/1894602654203936942
Probably never stopped doing it either.
UK is part of 5 eyes. I have no doubt they share info with US about US citizens.
https://www.reuters.com/technology/apple-removing-end-to-end-cloud-encryption-feature-uk-bloomberg-news-reports-2025-02-21/
Fact Check: False. No wires were ever physically tapped. As stated on Wikipedia: “The wire tap received its name because, historically, the monitoring connection was an actual electrical tap on an analog telephone or telegraph line. Legal wiretapping by a government agency is also called lawful interception.” -MSM in unison
Pull my finger. I’ll give you something to record.
“What if we deport the kid who will save us from an asteroid?”
Based on the fallacy that a genius comes along now and then and we get a huge jump in progress that wouldn’t h ave happened otherwise. What actually happens is that all of the pieces quietly come together and several somebodies notice it. One person gets credit but sans that person another one would have done so five minutes later. See….every great invention ever.
Did you know Elon Musk receives money from government programs designed to incentivize “good corporate behavior” like alternative energy vehicles? That’s right. He does. We should end those programs, so Musk can’t take advantage of them.
That sounds like a corporate subsidy!
Agreed. Despite what he is doing now he is a welfare queen.
I wouldn’t call him a queen, as he produces plenty of value. He absolutely *took advantage* of EV tax credits+. Hate the Game, not the Player? Were I him, I’d spin it as a way of ‘revealing’ to people how much the Green New Bullshit fucked the Useful Idiots who bought in. I am not him.
DAMMIT. How come *I* don’t get an ‘Ev tax credit?!’ I’m right here! I just compiled W2s and I made an awkward amount of money in ’24: $18,163 on a contract, seasonal gig, and (fired from both) plasma centers. Trying to see how to max my return. IIRC $16k/yr is a delineation -point in single tax refunds.
I *LOVE* that Mel Brooks is credited with creating the term in The Producers: I may need to finagle and begin some ‘creative accounting.’
Despite what he is doing now he is a welfare queen.
Those “welfare” programs are working exactly as intended, but suddenly the folks at WaPo and elsewhere are seeing “unintended consequences” like somebody they don’t like getting fat off them.