“I want doubles,” Donald said. “Rocketman has doubles, Vlad has doubles. I want lookalikes so I can get out of here once in a while.”
“What are you talking about?” the hat asked. He was lying on a chair, warming himself in a slice of harsh winter sunlight. “We go down to Florida all the time.”
“I just want to be alone sometimes,” Donald said. “And I want bidets in every bathroom. Every bathroom. For resale value. I’ll never get my money out of this place when we sell it unless I do some classy upgrades.” He picked at the raised edge of Oval Office wallpaper and ripped it. He tried to smooth it back in place.
“This place is a shithole, Donald,” the hat said sleepily. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Donald, can I get out of the trash now? Please?” the hair asked.
“No!” Donald and the hat both snapped.
“You stay in there until you learn!” the hat said and giggled.
“The Irish made fun of me,” Donald whined.
“Of course they made fun of you,” the hat told him. “You were let down. Betrayed by a close aide and confidante.”
“Oh, goddamn you,” the hair said.
“Some might even call it ‘treason,’ Donald.” the hat said, suppressing a malicious laugh.
“I want Donny Doubles,” Donald said.
“Maybe you could talk to McDonald’s about a promotion,” the hair said.
“Quiet, you,’ the hat said.
“No, I want Donny Doubles!’ Donald whined. “I don’t like it here. No one’s nice to me and there are no bidets or Ukrainian piss hookers and Ivanka wears all her clothes all the time. It’s horrible.”
“Donald,” the hat began.
“It’s horrible,” Donald repeated in a small, miserable voice. “I want to go home. I never wanted to be President.”
“Well, you are President and you’re not going anywhere, so suck it up, buttercup,” the hat said.
“You said it would be fun,” Donald pouted.
“It is fun, goddamnit. Aren’t you having fun? I’m having fun,” the hat said.
“Oh, yeah, this is fucking grand,” the hair said from the trash can.
“Put something over the trash can, like a lid. A clipboard maybe,” the hat said.
“Oh, fuck you,” the hair yelled. There was a loud clatter of empty Diet Coke cans as it tried once more to climb out of the trash can.
“I bet Hope would like a bidet,” Donald said morosely.
“Yup,” the hat said. “She could always be cleaner. They all could, really. And she’s mad at you anyway.”
“You said I had to do, that I had to fire him,” Donald said.
“The Twitter mob was after him; we had to give them a sacrifice,” the hat said.
“He had to go anyway. He beat up his ex-wives,” the hair said.
“Allegedly,” the hat interjected.
“There were photos,” the hair said.
“Alleged photos. Fake photos, probably. They can do anything with Photoshop these days,” the hat said and yawned loudly.
“But Hope is so mad at me,” Donald whined.
“Whatever. They were probably nags. Nags deserve it,” the hat argued. “Nag, nag, nag for like a week then they get popped in the mouth and they act like the guy just punched her for no reason. Just a game they play.”
“What if he was hitting Hope?” the hair asked.
“Hope’s too pretty to hit. I mean did you see those other two? Woof,” the hat said. “Nobody would hit Hope, at least not, you know, in the face.”
“Hope is really pretty,” Donald said dreamily.
“A bit pale, maybe,” the hair said. “She kinda looks like a Sephora vampire in some photos.”
“Shut up, fag. What do you know? Go suck on Elizabeth Warren’s peace pipe,” the hat snapped.
“Fake news,” Donald said. “Fake news, fake news, fake news. It’s all fake. Put that on Twitter.”
“OK, Donald,” the hat said.
“Now,” he said. “It needs to go up now!”
“OK, Donald. Calm down.”
“He’s allegedly calm,” the hair said.
“Queef-eating, fart-fucker!” the hat screamed. “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill all of you!”
“A Japanese bidet,” Donald said and crawled back into his blanket fort.
Angry Hope is ANGRY!
“Queef-eating, fart-fucker!” the hat screamed. “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill all of you!”
“A Japanese bidet,” Donald said and crawled back into his blanket fort.
*Stares in wonder*
“Suck it up, Buttercup”
I spent some time in a blanket fort last week. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I’m in one right now.
There is when it’s at the steel mill.
“Shut up, fag. What do you know? Go suck on Elizabeth Warren’s peace pipe,” the hat snapped.
Are you othering Warren?
Warren is the Other of Others, Just Say’n
Is she…the white people of American Indians?
She is the Iron Eyes Cody of women.
A worthy tribute to the one-year anniversary!
And The Hair got off lightly for his fuckup. Maybe The Donald will learn that The Hat Must Be Worn – at all times.
I must have missed an episode, what did the Hair do?
I like the new shirt.
Yeah, I miss Eddie too.
Dude, you’re freaking me out! It keeps changing!
And yeah, I do too.
The Hair had one job. One. Job.
TW: The Grauniad
That is an impressive amount of side comb-over.
I’m not sure if Donny Double Flush would be able to navigate the controls of a washlet.
https://imgur.com/TtExJ0C
looks complicated. If I couldn’t figure it out in a few minutes, I’d just leave my floater.
Looks like the buttons are labelled in Japanese (can’t see ’em too well).
Makes for fun if you hit the ATR switch…
Tampon remover?
She could always be cleaner. They all could, really
I read this bit in Pennywise’s voice. “They all float down here.”
I used to take lsd. Posts like this make me think I should again.
Posts like this make LSD unnecessary.
in my early 20’s I loved LSD and other hallucinogens. That was back when I had no responsibilities. I think if I took LSD now it wouldn’t end well. I have too much shit I’m responsible for to be able to go on a trip amd enjoy it. Maybe in another 15 years or so I can partake again.
I thought the same thing but at 54, I said no, I’ll pass
Probably wise
I’m in the same place, and I’ve passed on taking it recently for the same reasons. I’d need to be off the grid for a solid two days, and I can’t really pull that off. Once I’ve got kids out the door, maybe then, but in the meantime it’s booze and the occasional mj.
You have to be in the right state of mind going in to enjoy a trip. I can’t do it right now. I’d have to be able to know that I have nothing to worry about for the 12 or so hours it takes, and I know that I would worry about my shit. So, no LSD for me.
I’d really want to decompress, first. Carrying my current stress/anxiety load into a psychedelic session would be risky.
^this as well
Missed all the links today, and over the weekend.
Happy Gliberversary! It’s the one point of sanity I get each day.
Everyone involved in this community is a magnificent bastard. I love you all. Not in a hippy way. More of a STEVE SMITH kind of way.
Here’s to another year of woodchippers, orphan abuse, road hating, weed and butt sex loving, and making fun of people with dumb jackets.
Man, Hope Hicks makes an excellent sexy evil agent in a Bond movie.
The evil love-child of this guy ….
The Yugest anniversary ever!
Twin Diet Cokes!
I like that bigly! Covfefe!
No The USA Hat = best, classiest ever.
Fuck the USA hat. MAGA hat or GTFO!
Finally, someone gets it!
I think you mean “No! The USA Hat=best, classiest ever.”
I like the Diet Coke in mirror-image.
“She could always be cleaner.”
I shan’t believe it. Hope’s palace of pleasure is as smooth as silk and as fresh as a mountain spring.
“I’m like a veal cutlet down there!”
Pure as the Driven Snow, and I could definitely plow that, By hand of course
Something about beating your sword into a plowshare belongs here.
I’d beat my sword to her plowshare?
Dammit, I have the perfect GIF for HM’s post, but I doubt I’m gonna be up late enough to post it.
Cold War-era B-52 bomber will outlive younger, sleeker rivals
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/02/12/cold-war-era-b-52-bomber-will-outlive-younger-sleeker-rivals.html
***
The Air Force on Monday revealed its long-range plan to eventually jettison its supersonic B-1 and stealthy B-2 bombers earlier than planned while keeping the venerable B-52, an aging Cold War workhorse that first flew in 1954 and was last built in 1962, flying into the 2050s.
The Air Force confirmed that it plans to send its two newer bombers into early retirement, but keep the B-52 in the inventory well past its 100th birthday.
“With an adequate sustainment and modernization focus, including new engines, the B-52 has a projected service life through 2050, remaining a key part of the bomber enterprise well into the future,” said Gen. Robin Rand, Air Force Global Strike Command commander, in a statement issued by the Air Force.
***
If only other planes were so durable.
It’s an excellent platform for all kinds of upgrades, the airframes are easy to inspect and test.
With the exception of the fuselage, they are a bit like that broom I’ve owned for 35 years.
I’ve only replaced the brush 5 or 6 times, and the handle 2 or 3 times.
In my shop I have a table saw that my grandfather got from uncle. It was made in 1940’s. It’s 2 people to pick it up heavy, but it cuts straighter than any modern iteration I have used. They don’t make em like they used to.
On the other hand, it doesn’t have to be x-rayed to make sure none of the structural components are free of stress cracking – but I take your point.
I have a Makita Jointer/Planer that was built so long ago that the metal ‘warning’ plates on the unit are written in Jinglish. Indestructable, except the rollers need re-surfacing.
I’m actually wrong by saying “they don’t make them like they used to”
That’s not true. They still make high quality products. They just make low quality products too. The difference is that 70 years ago, there weren’t many low quality and inexpensive products available. So, we get the impression that modern products are shitty products when that’s not true. There are great quality products still available, they are just expensive. Just like the good quality products of the past.
I think it’s more that the junk broke and the good stuff kept working. You see something similar in music. The good stuff survives and the crap is forgotten.
There is truth in that, but I don’t think it tells the whole story. Sure, there was cheap shit 70 years ago. I just don’t think that there was near the volume of it as there is now.
I also say good. I’m glad there is cheap shit. A man who needs to use a table saw a few times a year can pick one up that’s good enough for 150 bucks or so. Great. I think that in the past, anyone who needed a table saw occasionally would not buy one because of the cost.
I defy you to find something comparable to a 1970’s-vintage Delta Unisaw at any price.
There will be cheap knockoffs, and very expensive quality stuff, but with a shit-load of bells and whistles, but nothing in that sweet spot of a basic machine, with basic functionality that works that well.
I think my point is that 70 years ago the really weren’t cheap knockoffs. The foreign import market wasn’t there.
I used to own a Powermatic 66. It was a fucking beast. And I loved it.
But when I buy another it will be a SawStop. I am too old to count on luck anymore,
I have a Super Bassomatic 76. They don’t make them like that any more.
I think I’m done with workshop equipment. I’d love to carry on making chairs, but I can’t justify the floorspace usage, especially when we downsize, but the lathe and table saw will be the first things to go, followed pretty quickly with jointer/planer, vacuum system, mortising machine and full-height drill press.
Powered hand tools and old school hand tools will for the moment, remain. The idea of keeping fit by jointing planks by hand is interesting, and I really don’t want to get rid of my set of antique planes, shaves etc.
Lol.
Here’s a little something for you, Cowboy.
My 30 year old Worm Drive Skil Saw agrees with you, She’s a Monster
This only works because we’re playing “bomb the wedding” in stone age countries. If we were to get into a fight with a country with any semblance of an air defense, the B-52 would be utterly useless.
Not necessarily. It can be used to launch cruise missiles.
^^That, and smart and brilliant munitions so greatly increase stand-off that you can drop things so far away that you never see the plane.
Capacity and staying power becomes the most important determinants.
Also, only 19 B-52s were lost to air defense during the Vietnam War. Impressive considering the number of missions and the circumstances.
For comparison, only about 8 A-10s have been shot down.
I live about 25 miles from Ft. Chaffee. They fly A-10s there. I get too see them flying over my house on a regular basis. It’s pretty cool.
The Vietnamese only had old versions of the SA2 had the Ruskies given them SA3s the results would have been much worse. There’s no way a Buff could penetrate a modern air defense system. It’s a long-range delivery truck for stand off weapons. Good at it though.
The SA-3s didn’t do the Iraqis much good. Granted, that was 15-20 years later, with the lessons learned from Vietnam and new technology, but we got pretty damn good at taking out SAM sites.
By the IRAQ war we had gotten our hands on SA-3s and knew how to counter them. We were really worried that they might show up in Viet Nam as we had no real idea of what the countermeasure=s should be.
Do they still have the tail turret? Heard some Mig drivers got a nasty surprise when they thought they were about to make an easy kill.
Wiki says the tail guns were removed in Desert Storm because our missiles would lock on to them.
CTANG flies A-10s. Or certainly did until recently. They were a regular feature of the July 4 flyovers.
OT:
I used to think ChemJeff at TOS (and he used to comment here), was more lukewarm/ even headed if annoying commenter. But here is a comment of his about the press fawning over Kim Jung Un’s Sister.
what a turd
All I’ll say is, I’d like to have some ‘diplomatic talks’ with her in private.
I dunno, I find that, on its own, pretty reasonable. To the claim “they want pro-US media”, I’d say, “yeah, duh.”
Hmm, the more I read the last sentence, the less even-handed I find the comment.
Personally, I don’t much care if the media is pro-U.S. or anti-U.S. I just want them to stop lying and conspiring.
Assume they lie, and all is well
The problem is that it gets hard to tell the lies from the truth any more. The thing about Trump’s lies and the reason why they don’t bother me as much is that they are usually very transparent. The media spins a web of lies and crafts a cohesive narrative; their best trick is to make people telling the truth look like crackpot conspiracy theorists.
Satan?
/Make you think He doesn’t exist
“” lukewarm/ even headed if annoying “”-
No, jeff is… like Bo – someone whose instinct to argue / take contrarian positions was unfortunately matched with a super-limited toolkit on ‘how to actually think/argue’.
he’ll unerringly take the side of some very stupid position (e.g. The media swooning over the Nork chick diss of Pence)… and say,
“Well, what’s the alternative? = NEVER REPORT ANYTHING?? SURELY YOU CANT BE SAYING THAT. ERGO, THIS IS FINE”
Because there are really only 2 choices here: Very Stupid Shit, or Media Blackout.
Even when you point out its not at all about people demanding “pro american” news – that you can be perfectly critical of the administration without going full Walter Duranty – he’ll just pivot from one silly thing to another. Like Bo, he never acknowledges any flaw in his case, he just repeats himself, until he then starts going, “Clearly you’re offended and i must have hit a nerve somewhere” and goes ad hom.
Even when you point out its not at all about people demanding “pro american” news
I think it is for some people, but so what? They’re Americans, after all. Is it really so surprising that many people would get tired after awhile of their own media being anti-them?
But I think you’re right that it’s besides the point. Nobody would be rushing to the defense of the media fawning over the Nazi Minister of Propaganda (well, not since 1945, anyway).
Didn’t see much reporting of people’s reaction to her. It was mostly fawning and praise for the woman as a foil for how icky Pence is viewed by the literati. Japan Times wasn’t exactly enthused with her and actually got comments from people in South Korea. Their take is that the bureaucrats seemed to respect her while being aware of the danger and the common folk seem more suspicious. Granted I think JT leans right of center. Asia Times and Korean Times (which I don’t normally ready, but check for this comment) have been extremely neutral about her, focusing entirely on the political implications and ignoring any sort of hype about her demeanor or glamour.
https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2018/02/12/asia-pacific/sister-act-kim-yo-jong-visit-dominates-south-korea-headlines/
having a resume of “murdering your own family members with covert lethal injections just because you suspect that one day they might talk shit about you” will often encourage polite-deference among fellow public figures.
ok it wasn’t an injection; they rubbed vx on his face
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/north-korean-leaders-half-brother-killed-by-poison-in-malaysia-reports-claim/2017/02/14/7324f8c6-f2af-11e6-8d72-263470bf0401_story.html
but, i mean, still
I’m saddened this Daily Star link was not shared here before that I ever saw.
The Hope chest is what really makes the Trump White House great.
“And in the White House, where I now live, thanks Crooked Hillary; In the White House I have, and I’m not kidding, the best, really the best you’ve ever seen, it’s so good, I have the best Hope Chest any president has ever had. It’s true. It’s true. It’s classy, unlike crooked Hillary, you know she sold uranium to russians, it’s true, it’s true. But my hope chest, the one I have in the white house, where I live, it’s yuge, like so yuge, and it’s the best ever. It’s true, it’s true.”
The Hope is enough, the Chest isn’t as powerful. but overall… Yummy!
“Also, only 19 B-52s were lost to air defense during the Vietnam War. Impressive considering the number of missions and the circumstances.”
Actually, the B-52 only flew in real harm’s way for the 11 days of Linebacker II. Until then they flew above all AAA and out of range of the SAMs. There were 206 A/C used for the attacks – 19 lost means 9% of them were lost.
I knew it was something like this but I had to look up for the numbers.
They were all sent in in a row at the same altitude and airspeed with no deviations allowed – “for ease of planning.”
This describes the operation well and shows how fucked up the military can be.
http://www.historynet.com/the-11-day-war.htm
Remember McCain is a Negative Ace, and we managed to wreck 2 Destroyers in as many weeks last year, I feel Confident in our Military, don’t you?
That’ was very interesting and informative. Thanks for posting.
A review of the Star Trek reboot the #metoo crowd can understand.
This one reads like The FOIA and the Furry.
Some one mentioned Drugs,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeYsTmIzjkw&index=5&list=RD4UUPY902Ph0
Because i got High……
Thoughts on what’s likely going to prove to be a sleepless night despite ingestion of 3mg of Klonopin:
1. Depression really, really sucks when it flares up.
2. Fuck the government for denying me medicine (psyclobin/MDMA) that’s proven to help but kept in Schedule 1. And the anxiety disorder means I could never find … less legal means to get them (and even if I could, I’m a 40 year old white dude who’s a few pounds overweight. They’d probably make me for a cop or something.)
3. Chloe Kim and Red Gerard won gold medals at 17 years old. What the fuck was I doing when I was 17?
4. I can see why people become alcoholics to escape reality. I can especially see why 20% of lawyers are alcoholics. I know of at least a couple of people on my floor who have something in their desks at all time (lawyer next door to me has a bottle of Johnny Walker Black in a locked drawer). Not worth it to me though. I don’t even drink, except socially.
5. Florida voters passed a medical marijuana bill in 2016. There were supposed to be functioning rules (shitty ones) in place no later than July 1, 2017. There’s still no medical marijuana available. They never came to final rules, because the proposed rules were so shitty that the guy behind the medical marijuana bill (biggest ambulance chasing attorney in the state, but he’s got money and he’s pissed off about this) sued, so that’s going nowhere. He said at some point if they keep pissing him off he’d fund a recreational marijuana bill. I’m waiting to sign the petition to get it on the ballot.
6. My antidepressants are $200 a month. I blame big pharma. And Trump.
If not for the whole wife and kid thing I’d run off somewhere and become a hermit.
Marijuana is bad if you have depression and anxiety. Las time I had MJ I was too afraid to do anything other than sit on the couch and eat Doritos. Which antidepressant are you on? If anxiety is a problem, I’ve been on Cymbalta for a long time and has helped even me out, though I hear if you ever stop abruptly the results aren’t good.
Oh god, I know that feel.
I smoked a lot of pot when I was in high school, but I got bored with it and gave it up. Years later, I was living on my own and decided that I wanted to try it again for old time’s sake. I smoked some weed with a few friends over, and it was NOT a good experience like I remembered it. I was constantly freaking out that someone was at the door, and when I would hush everyone so I could listen, it made me genuinely angry that they laughed at me instead of quieting down. Never touched the stuff again; I just stick with good ol’ booze.
Oh man, that happened to me very recently as well, only in my case I spent most of the time at a restaurant with a big group (half of whom I had only met that night) with my social anxiety and self-consciousness both cranked up past 11.
And yeah, the puritans are fucking stupid about drugs. My teen niece who is an aspie has terrible problems because of the anxiety. But they won’t give her something like lorazopam to help her keep calm, because she might become DUN DUN DUN addicted; but they are all to willing to start her on anti-depressants that can change her entire personality. Fucking assholes.
That was really a stream of consciousness. MJ wouldn’t be for me but for my mother, who has MS. I tried it twice, once in High School and once in college. Didn’t like it.
I’m on Viibryd, which is a new generation SSRI. It works on me better than most antidepressants have in the past. Smooths me out and I have fewer deep valleys. Even tonight it’s more the anxiety than the depressive thoughts. I’ve unfortunately never really found anything that works well on my anxiety disorder (this is where something like MDMA would come in handy, according to numerous studies)
My dad had MS, but he was a total Reagan anti-drugs guy, so he wouldn’t even try pot. If your mom becomes completely immobile, be weary of the super-pubic catheter, that is what actually killed my dad, a damn UTI. I know what a bitch that disease can be.
As far as my anxiety; I keep it under control with cymbalta, beer, cigarettes, being a hermit and lorazopam for unexpected things.
In the early 2000s my dad actually got injections based on bee venom that seemed to help, but it was experimental so my parents couldn’t afford it for long. That seemed to help a bit, then there was chemotherapy, I don’t know what it was but it was blue, that helped him regain more use of his arms. Unfortunately he was only allowed to get so many treatments from that and after he stopped he declined more.
I believe CBD is legal just about everywhere now. You might want to check it out, it’s non psychoactive. It is a good relaxant.
Heh.
That looks like the worst Luigi Mario spin-off ever.
Racist.
No one is home, I can crank the P.A. sounds Badass!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOJ6-IgMd1M
Since no one can take me over, Karelia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adKwG9ZuzFw
Awesome.
I’ve recently been getting into a lot more classical along with some opera. Some of my favorites so far:
– Wagner’s Tannhauser (you know who else liked Wagner??)
– Holst’s The Planets
– Mendelssohn’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream (I also enjoyed reading the text of this play)
I’m not much of an opera fan, but I was fascinated with this young girl when I heard her sing. She’s 10 or 11 in this video and self taught. I’m sure she takes lots of lessons now, but it kind of amazed me. Makes me wonder if there is some kind of genius involved along with innate talent, and whether she’ll still be able to sing this way as she gets older and her voice changes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9PQ7qPkluM