The Hat and The Hair: Episode 126

by | Jul 3, 2019 | Hat and Hair, SugarFree | 283 comments

 

“Planes!” hollered Donald. “And tanks and fancy troops doing fancy marches!”

“OK, Donald,” the hair said. “Anything you want.”

“The biggest, classiest Fourth of July of any time ever! Yuge dark sky boom light night!”

“We are all so excited,” the hair said, rubbing Donald’s head soothingly.

“I want a military parade. I want huge posters of my face all over town. I want people calling me Great Exalted Leader Man!”

“Uh-huh,” the hair said.

“Most Rationful and Compassionate Leader Trump Don-ald,” the elderly President mused. “I will prove to France we can hold a bigger Fourth of July parade than they have ever done.”

“Donald,” the hat said from under the desk, “Do you know if you look on Youtube, there’s barely any evidence that France has ever held a Fourth of July parade at all.”

“Really?” Donald gasped. “Why, those dirty… If it wasn’t for us all those bastards in France would be speaking French right now! I’m madder than I’ve ever been!”

The hair gathered itself on top of Donald’s head, wagged its cowlick a few times and jumped down on the desk.

“We should bomb them!” Donald raged, his bald head turning a furious red. “Where’s that goddamn mustache! Activate the contingency plans!”

 

 

The hat chuckled darkly as Donald waddled from the room.

“Are you coming over from under the desk today?” the hair asked.

“No,” the hat said.

“You’ve been sulking under there since we got back from North Korea.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Yes, you have.”

“Shut up.”

“So, uh,” the hair began, “How about those Democratic debates?”

The hat’s silence boiled out from underneath the desk like a bilious fog.

“So, North Korea,” the hat said. “That was some crazy shit over there, right?”

“Just leave me alone.”

The hair let himself fall to the floor and slithered under the desk. He grabbed the hat by the band and began to haul him out from under the desk.

“No!” the hat wailed. “Leave me alone!”

“You are coming out of there, dammit!’ the hair growled, grunted with the strain.

“RAPE!” the hat screamed. “He’s raping me!”

“Do you really think anyone is going to come? Do you realize just how often that has been yelled in here over forty-five administrations?”

“Immigrants are drinking out of the President’s toilet!” the hat screamed.

“I’m coming!” they heard Donald saying as he awkwardly ran back to the Oval Office. “I’m coming to save you, my darling!”

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

283 Comments

  1. DEG

    Do you realize just how often that has been yelled in here over forty-five administrations?

    Do they make numbers that big?

    • Florida Man

      The human mind can not grasp numbers about 20, so you might as well use arbitrary measurements, like a “Cosby House” of rapes.

      • WTF

        Hmm, “a gaggle of geese”, ” a murder of crows”, “a Cosby of rapes”.
        Yeah. it works.

      • AlexinCT

        Is it still a Cosby of rapes if you don’t roofie them?

      • Cacciatore

        A Cosby of rapes.

        I’ve heard it all.

        I can die now.

      • Caput Lupinum

        01001110 01100001 01110010 01110010 01101111 01110111 01110011 00100000 01100111 01100001 01111010 01100101

      • DEG

        Hehe

      • Florida Man

        Oh Shit! I thought I saw a 2.

      • Rasilio

        Sos?

  2. Trigger Hippie

    Methinks this short entry is a setup for something molded from unmitigated horror.

    • DEG

      Yeah, it was a bit tame.

      • WTF

        Oh, you really like tempting fate, don’t you?

      • DEG

        Yes.

        I was once young, dumb, and full of cum. Now I’m just dumb and full of cum.

      • UnCivilServant

        The IVF clinic is not a bar.

      • AlexinCT

        DOH!

      • Sean

        I liked it.

        They all don’t have to be puss filled orgies with eldritch horrors.

      • WTF

        You’re playing with fire, you know.

      • Sean

        *opens container of lighter fluid*

        Maybe SF is exploring his softer side.

        *sprays fluid everywhere*

      • Tonio

        puss filled orgies

        Puss-filled, or pus-filled, either one works with Sug’s fic.

      • Q Continuum

        The former sounds like fun, the latter not so much.

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re a feline fornicator? I knew the pics were a cover for something.

      • AlexinCT

        Q Continuum FF at large…

  3. The Late P Brooks

    The hat’s silence boiled out from underneath the desk like a bilious fog.

    And all this time I thought the hat was male.

    • Cacciatore

      He is. Females are incapable of rape, shitlord.

  4. Gustave Lytton

    No appearance from the new press secretary? I’ll wait for Act II.

    • SugarFree

      I haven’t got a handle on her yet, except for the fighting.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Pie vs new Pie in kimchi pit.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Winner advances to Hope.

  5. Don Escaped Texas

    McConnell is right about something

    Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) on Tuesday said he disagreed with Nike’s decision to scrap a shoe line for July Fourth that featured a Revolutionary War-era flag designed by Betsy Ross. “If we’re in a political environment where the American flag has become controversial to Americans, I think we’ve got a problem,” McConnell told reporters during a trip to a Lexington, Ky., hemp farm, according to the Lexington Herald Leader. “I hope Nike either releases these shoes or some other shoe maker picks up the flag, puts it on a pair of shoes and starts selling it. I’ll make the first order,” he added.

    • The Other Kevin

      The first thing I think of when I hear “Betsy Ross” is her harsh treatment of slaves.

      • Tonio

        I’m sure Nike is absolutely thrilled about having to destroy all that merch, or sell overseas at a discount to liquidate. If we see a black market in these shoes we may well ask who (*cough*) is profiting from that.

        Hopefully they realized that sponsoring him is no longer worth it.

      • Rhywun

        who (*cough*) is profiting from that

        Here’s who.

    • wdalasio

      You know, I’d love to see 4chan or some group start a rumor that the alt-right are big fans of Elizabeth Warren. They could ascribe the fandom to her “hacking” the affirmative action laws to benefit a white person. Watching the Dems turn on one of their own would be hilarious.

      • Cacciatore

        The dems eat their own constantly. They’re a “big tent” party and the infighting is relentless- for God’s sake they claim to be pro Islam AND pro LQBTABCDEFG.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        WHOOPS! We no longer carry this product.

        I’m a 12A, they probably wouldn’t fit me anyway 🙁

  6. Tundra

    I’m worried about the Hat. Something bad happened in Korea. Possibly an ayam who was not what she seemed?

  7. Don Escaped Texas

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/music/news/nicki-minaj-to-perform-at-jeddah-world-fest-in-saudi-arabia/ar-AADNnN9

    Saudi Arabia said Wednesday (July 3) that hip-hop star Nicki Minaj will perform in the ultraconservative kingdom as it sheds decades of restrictions on entertainment. The female rapper is known for her outlandish, provocative style and hits like “Anaconda,” where she raps about her “big fat” backside. Her lyrics are often laced with profanities and her skin-bearing music videos often include twerking. Christian groups criticized her 2012 Grammy Awards performance, which included dancing priests and an exorcism.

    She’ll be fine as long as she doesn’t write any op-ed pieces.

    • Rebel Scum

      the ultraconservative kingdom

      Homeworld of MAGA Prime?

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      Well, she’s either the most hardcore artists alive today (if she goes without altering her show or costumes) or just another authoritarian suck up that can only SPEEK TRUTH TO POWER when there is 0% chance of anything bad happening.

      • Cacciatore

        Well, she is a typical celebrity…

  8. The Late P Brooks

    This just in

    A massive fire erupted at a Jim Beam Warehouse in Versailles Kentucky on Wednesday. Firefighters in Kentucky are trying to extinguish a burning Jim Beam warehouse that is filled with about 45,000 barrels of bourbon.

    *bows head, takes a moment of silent introspection*

    I’m glad I don’t drink whiskey, anymore. But this is still a tragic day for America.

      • Tonio

        Spiffy avatar!

      • Don Escaped Texas

        I re-learned some powerpoint tricks and was able to calm down the old red-eye a bit

        expect other plays on the theme as context warrants

    • Suthenboy

      Yeah. I remember the barrel house collapse and looking at. the photos and thinking…geez that construction doesn’t look very solid. They put all of those barrels on that? Those things are fucking heavy and they stacked that many in a house of cards?

    • Naptown Bill

      SHIT! SHITSHITSHIT!

      *grabs garden hose, speeds off in truck*

    • DEG

      Jack Daniels used to have their own fire company to deal with this sort of thing.

      • Don Escaped Texas

        muh fire company !

        I seem to recall a pretty thoughtful bay with a huge sprinkler grid for coking ricks

      • DEG

        Yes. According to the Jack Daniels tour guide, that bay is the result of EPA regulations.

      • robc

        If you look at a post-WW2 map of London, all the big breweries are standing with desolation around them in every direction.

        It isn’t that the bombs missed them, its that they had their own fire companies.

        The brewing records actually have entries like “bomb landed in brewhouse at 2 PM”

    • Hyperion

      As long as Buffalo Trace doesn’t burn down. All that Blantons going up in flames would really be a disaster.

      • robc

        Not as bad as the fire in 1998? 1999? when about 1/3 of the world’s bourbon reserves went up in a night.

        That (and demand) is why the price of high end bourbons spiked around 2010-15.

      • robc

        1996. And I can’t find the live video on youtube anymore.

    • Not Adahn

      Gah!

      I hope they haven’t heard this at my local liquor store yet — gotta buy a few cases before the prices jump.

      • slumbrew

        Probably don’t have to:

        “We operate 126 barrel warehouses in Kentucky that hold approximately 3.3 million barrels for our brands, and the warehouse that was destroyed contained 45,000 barrels of relatively young whiskey from the Jim Beam mash bill. Given the age of the lost whiskey, this fire will not impact the availability of Jim Beam for consumers.”

        But better safe than sorry.

  9. Don Escaped Texas

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/customs-agents-seize-rat-meat-from-africa-at-ohare-airport/ar-AADNFsA

    CHICAGO (CBS) — Customs agents seized 32 pounds of rat meat from Africa, carried by a passenger from the Ivory Coast. Steve Bansbach, with U.S. Customs and Border Protection, said the passenger claimed he was carrying meat, which required an immediate inspection. Inspectors determined it was rat meat and it has been destroyed. While rat meat is consumed as food in some countries, officials here say the meat can introduce disease into the U.S. agricultural system. Bansbach said the man had not been fined. The meat was seized on June 26.

    He was worried he wouldn’t find a ready supply ?

    • SugarFree

      Sometimes you just want a disease-laden taste of home.

      • Chipwooder

        There’s nothing like a good RLT

      • Not Adahn

        When the rat is nice and lean…

    • kinnath

      Terroir matters.

      • Not Adahn

        Oh, you’re one of those terroirists I see.

    • A Leap at the Wheel

      He was worried he wouldn’t find a ready supply ?

      Rats in Chicago are protected by qualified immunity.

      • Pine_Tree

        Biggest red-tailed hawk I’ve ever seen in my life was in a parking lot on Goose Island. It was sitting on a car watching for giant rats near dumpsters. Didn’t care a bit that I was a few yards away. Looked twice as big as a normal country hawk that has to find mice and lizards in the wild.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      I’m surprised nobody mentioned this. yet.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    The first thing I think of when I hear “Betsy Ross” is her harsh treatment of slaves.

    Who do you think did the coolie labor on that flag production line? Ol’ Betsy sat up there in her big corner office, drinking champagne and eating caviar even as she stole profits from the victims of Capital.

    Reparations!

    • Rebel Scum

      I think the “muh racist symbol” people are overplaying their hand here.

    • Chipwooder

      This is amusing: as Dem candidates start to obediently fall in line and bray about how awful the Betsy Ross flag is, a reminder that just six years ago Barack Obama’s inauguration featured not one but two giant flags like that.

      Obama the white supremacist…..who knew?

      • Rebel Scum

        There is also an interview of Barry going around now where he sounds like Trump (and every other prominent Dem and Rep president and congresscritter in recent memory) on immigration.

      • Q Continuum

        It’s manufactured outrage by a failure desperate to stay in the public eye. Nike went along because they actually saw an uptick after the Kaepernick ad. They did not go broke when they got woke… at least that time. Something this absurd may be overplaying their hand.

      • Hyperion

        Their shoes are shit anyway. That’s why I’ve been wearing Asics for more than 20 years now.

      • Rhywun

        “We have evolved since those early days.”

    • Naptown Bill

      That’s probably the first thing that person thinks about, period.

      In regard to Betsy Ross, it’s especially retarded as she lived in and around Philadelphia and was a Quaker. As far as I can tell from a cursory search across the Interwebs, she never owned a slave. As a Quaker, or someone living among Quakers and taught at a Quaker school, it would be odd for her to have owned slaves in the period during which she purportedly made the flag as the Quakers were by and large abolitionists by then.

      But, you know, she was a white lady who wasn’t a Communist, so fuck her.

      • Urthona

        It’s also known that Betsy Ross probably didn’t have anything to do with inventing the flag and that her involvement is just a legend.

        In other words, it’s totally fucking irrelevant whether she owned slaves or not.

  11. The Late P Brooks

    Customs agents seized 32 pounds of rat meat from Africa, carried by a passenger from the Ivory Coast.

    Do you know how hard it is to get rat-on-a-stick like Grandma used to make, in this shithole?

    • Fatty Bolger

      Wait until you try her strawberry tarts.

  12. Don Escaped Texas

    Judge throws out Kansas lawmaker’s defamation suit against The Star, citing 2016 law dismissing it under a state law the senator voted for in 2016

    The Overland Park lawmaker sued the newspaper and then-contributing columnist Steve Rose in January, alleging they had defamed him in a column about his opposition to Medicaid expansion. On Tuesday, Johnson County District Court Judge Paul Gurney granted The Star’s motion to strike Denning’s lawsuit under Kansas’ public speech protection act. The law was approved unanimously by the Legislature in an effort to limit suits over speech.

  13. Rebel Scum

    “Planes!” hollered Donald.

    “We’re gonna have planes, fighter planes…and other planes. The classiest planes.” -> Along the lines of something he actually said recently.

    • Don Escaped Texas

      unmanned drones . . . the drones were unmanned

  14. Q Continuum

    Nothing like a good Fourth of July fisking.

    http://lileks.com/bleats/archive/19/0719/070319.html

    Just in case you were wondering; if you identify as a male (regardless of plumbing) and you enjoy grilling, you’re perpetuating toxic male stereotypes, oppressing women and should probably be shot.

    • Don Escaped Texas

      it’s a miracle women don’t attend Fourth parties in dresses and pearls

      what’s wrong with that ?

      • Gustave Lytton

        If they didn’t arrive with a pearl necklace, they’re welcome to leave with one.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      explains why men love grilling thusly: Grilling is sort of dangerous (there’s fire!), it lets dudes hang out together while also providing some sort of neutral entertainment (getting to watch one guy do stuff and possibly also criticizing him while he does it), and requires minimal cleaning (self-explanatory).

      Well yeah, if Bob sticks the brats with the fork, you need to stick him the fork right between the ribs.

      Really, you wouldn’t want all the guys inside the house making a mess of the place either.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Grilling is sort of dangerous

        Are you grilling with gasoline??

        I’m so fucking tired of this “women are just men with boobs” shit. Anybody who spends more than 5 seconds in the company of women and of men realizes that they’re completely different in the way they think, feel, relate, and act. You can’t explain it all away as social conditioning (although you can try to counteract it with social conditioning, but that makes you evil)

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Like I said… Evil. That psychologist shouldve been strung up by his nuts.

      • Q Continuum

        You’d think an episode like that one would have settled the whole “let’s do transgender medical procedures on minors”, but alas, we live in Clown World.

      • UnCivilServant

        Really, it should have ended the whole “reassignment” nonsense. It’s no better than lobotomies.

        Surgical treatment for mental disorders really doesn’t work.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Say what you will about lobotomies, they do reduce the amount of complaining.

      • kinnath

        Hmmm, Juicy Fruit.

      • Rhywun

        Jesus.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        And he had his license revoked? right?

        From his Wikipedia entry…

        Money asserted that affectional pedophilia was about love and not sex.

        quote from him here “If I were to see the case of a boy aged ten or eleven who’s intensely erotically attracted toward a man in his twenties or thirties, if the relationship is totally mutual, and the bonding is genuinely totally mutual … then I would not call it pathological in any way.”

    • Rhywun

      groinal arrangement

      *snort*

    • The Other Kevin

      In the Jordan Peterson/Camille Paglia interview, Paglia tells a story about her family get-togethers. After dinner the men would go out and look at the insides of a car, and the women would do the dishes. We’ve been doing that sort of thing from the beginning of human beings.

      But we can’t have that, because once again, there’s a sexist/racist/homophobe hiding behind every bush.

    • Suthenboy

      If it isn’t already glaringly obvious the left isn’t about gays or blacks or trannies or anyones rights. If it isn’t already glaringly obvious from them explicitly stating it thousands of times they are out to roll back the enlightenment and destroy western civilization. They are slavers pure and simple.
      Their entire agenda is to disempower the individual and rule over the masses from on high.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        disempower the individual

        And any voluntary and non-state-oriented collectives, such as family and community.

    • Rebel Scum

      we still presume men are the ones in charge of prepping the burger part of the cheeseburgers but not necessarily the toppings

      Personally, I’d love a girl that could handle a grill.

      • Q Continuum

        Steak and a blow job FTW.

      • Cacciatore

        Grilling steak? What a waste.

  15. The Late P Brooks

    the ultraconservative kingdom

    Islamophobic bastards.

    • Hyperion

      “Please stop telling me America is great”

      Ok, it’s awful, move to Venezuela, you idjit.

    • The Other Kevin

      Are there other countries where people go around saying their country sucks, or is that a uniquely American thing?

      • Hyperion

        No, it’s just that most people saying that, it is actually true about their country, unlike when Americans say it. It’s sort of like so many Americans praising Europe, none of them who have ever even been to Europe, let alone lived there.

    • Hyperion

      The thing about the NYT is that i’s so easy for them to be stupid. They have this cult like following of a people who are actually the dumbest people on the planet who actually believe they are smart. Just read comments on their articles a few times and you’ll get what I’m saying.

    • Suthenboy

      They are commies. You have to be a moron to be a commie. Stereotypes don’t exist for no reason.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, but they’re ‘democratic’ commies, it’s totally different.

      • Rebel Scum

        I like to point out to “democratic” socialists that putting something to a vote does not make it ok.

      • Hyperion

        The entire ‘democratic socialist’ thing is a joke anyway. There is nothing democratic about Western Europe, which is where this non-sense idea comes from. Sure, you can vote for stuff, but at the same time you have unelected EUcrats in Brussels micro-managing your life. No thanks.

      • Rebel Scum

        No thanks.

        Someone is a racist, sexist, misogynist, homophobic, Islamophobic, anti-science (did I miss anything?) bigot.

      • Hyperion

        “did I miss anything? bigot.”

        Nope. I confess.

    • Q Continuum

      The biggest shithole country on Earth that people are risking their lives to get into.

      • Hyperion

        LOL, this is so true.

    • Naptown Bill

      Not to be an asshole, and not to deny that conditions at the border suck, but one possible strategy to avoid being crammed into lockup while awaiting deportation for entering the country illegally might be to, you know, not do that. And, you know, I like to think that the absolute bare minimum parenting involves not willingly and knowingly putting your children into dangerous situations such as walking across a desert or swimming across a river knowing that there’s a reasonable chance you’ll be caught on the other side and locked up, and if you manage to avoid capture you’ll be on the lam for the rest of your life.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        When you’ve got asshole Americans (and others) encouraging them to make the trip and that it will all be OK….

      • Q Continuum

        At least half of those kids (and possibly a lot more) are not even with their parents. They’re being used as props because word has spread that families are getting in easier and more likely to be released. So they get sold and/or kidnapped for the benefit of others.

  16. Q Continuum

    I’m interested in seeing this idea applied to incels.

    https://spectator.us/women-penises-transphobic/

    Basically, incel men could use the same argument against straight women who won’t have sex with them. I mean, I know it doesn’t count becuz toxic straight maleness/privilege/YOU GO GRRRL/FYTW, but it someone should make the point. After all, Rule #4 is to make the enemy live up to his own rules.

  17. Spudalicious

    I dunno. I think SugarFree has lost his mojo. G rated Hat & Hair is the new normal and we’re just going to need to figure out a way to deal with it.

    • SugarFree

      I’m working here, have some respect. I don’t go to your workplace and slap the dick out of your mouth.

      • Spudalicious

        My work here is done.

    • Grummun

      “I dunno. I think SugarFree has lost his mojo. G rated Hat & Hair is the new normal and we’re just going to need to figure out a way to deal with it,” he said, as he deliberately reached across the table and took SugarFree’s drink. Then, staring SugarFree directly in the eye, Spud hocked a chunky green loogey into the drink before pushing it back across.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        as he deliberately reached across the table and took SugarFree’s drink. Then, staring SugarFree directly in the eye, Spud hocked a chunky green loogey
        poured two packets of white sugar into the drink before pushing it back across.

        also works.

        Apparently Spud likes the dirty SugarFree and is trying to rile him up.

      • Spudalicious

        Moi?

  18. Hyperion

    So, yesterday, I was adventuring about and I found this liquor store in Balmer County. Sort of a rundown looking like place. But I went in there to get some beer and discovered their prices. Cheapest place to buy beer I’ve seen in MD, period. I bought a 18 pack of Miller Highlife and a 12 of Natty Bo in the tall cans for $12 each. I know, it’s cheap beer, but it would have cost me more than 2X that anywhere near me. So, it’s cheap beer week! Long weekend, I’m off the rest of the week and no plans, so it’s just been and the Brazil girl I’m shacked up with, whoohoo!

    • Q Continuum

      That is a pretty good deal alright. There’s a dive-y liquor store near my work that has 30-packs of Coors Extra Gold for $16. It’s my goto if I’m having a bunch of people over.

      • Hyperion

        Yeah, I was sort of shocked to see Miller Highlife 18 pack for $12. Haven’t looked at their prices on the more pricey stuff yet. I’m saving up for a down payment on a house, so I’ve went all cheapy for now.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    If you look at a post-WW2 map of London, all the big breweries are standing with desolation around them in every direction.

    It isn’t that the bombs missed them, its that they had their own fire companies.

    Those fire companies would be confiscated and repurposed for the benefit of society, now.

    For JUSTICE!

    • Rasilio

      Pretty sure the Brits of the 1940’s ranked protecting the breweries to be right up at the top of “the public good”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      The department also did not have a program to exterminate and control rats, fleas, roaches, gnats, mosquitoes or grasshoppers in the building. Inspectors found all those in the facility, records show.

      A UV light isn’t going to get rid of the rats, fleas, roaches, gnats, mosquitoes or grasshoppers.

    • AlmightyJB

      Bacteria LIves Matter!

  20. Hyperion

    Man, it is fucking hot here today. I walked down to the village and ran back to the plaza west of me, which is about 3 miles from the village. OK, good to that point. But then I had to walk back to the house, which is about another 2 miles. I got here and my shirt was soaking wet and I really did not want to go back outside after that. Going to finish up work and drink beer in AC weather.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      I’m enjoying the hot weather on the back patio. Boss just told me to take the rest of the day off, and the AC is working so hard that it’s frigid in the house. In the shade out here it’s not too bad.

      • Hyperion

        I’m working, but almost everyone is out of the office today and I’m WFH. I’m off the rest of the week and started about 8am this morning, so beer o’clock is rolling in around 4PM. There’s nothing but shade here because we’re completely surrounded by old growth forest. I mean occasionally the sun makes it in here, but it’s still fucking hot out there.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Same here. I’m laying down on a bench under a 60′ oak tree. I feel like Tom Sawyer.

      • Q Continuum

        79 degrees and dry here. You East Coasters.

      • Hyperion

        Mid Atlantic Coasters. Please don’t lump us in with those assholes up north.

      • slumbrew

        Hey!

      • Q Continuum

        You all look the same to me.

      • Hyperion

        “Hey!”

        Well, I do apologize if you’re one of the 3 people on the EC north of MD who are actually nice.

      • Hyperion

        “You all look the same to me.”

        Yeah, but we don’t all have that annoying New England accent.

      • slumbrew

        Yeah, but we don’t all have that annoying New England accent.

        Faaak you, kid.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Well, I do apologize if you’re one of the 3 people on the EC north of MD who are actually nice.

        To be fair, you could’ve said north of Norfolk and kept the number countable on 2 hands.

    • Chipwooder

      97 here. Ugh

    • grrizzly

      I’m flying to Mexico City tomorrow to cool down.

    • Not Adahn

      That’s not true at all. CNN is very reliably dishonest.

    • Rhywun

      CNNLOL

      LOL

    • Hyperion

      Well, if you gotta go, might as well go out in style. I’m playing the long game myself, or at least trying…

  21. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    Despite what Robert O’Rourke (super Mexican-y name, dude), Colin Kaepernick, and the pompous asses at the New York Times say, take it from the son of immigrants (who doesn’t even recite the Pledge of Allegiance, because screw pledging allegiance to any government)- the US is a far better country than anywhere else in the world (especially Canada). Only in America do the most coddled and privileged people in the country complain about being oppressed. Screw those asshats. I’m going to get drunk, blow off some fireworks, and grill some meat (yes, in that order, but mostly at the same time).

    God bless America, but damn the government!

    I leave you with the patriotic bikini styling of Kate Upton: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbgP9qzLVBc

    Happy 4th of July

    • Q Continuum

      yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas

    • Q Continuum

      Not get drunk, grill some fireworks and blow off some meat?

    • slumbrew

      Terry Richardson: creepy man or creepiest man?

    • AlmightyJB

      Can’t get enough of Kate Upton.

    • Q Continuum

      I just saw that this was written in 2016; unity like he talks about seems even more quaint and absurd now.

    • Hyperion

      “Our governing classes combine an invincible devotion to self-preservation with scorn or ignorance of the country’s governing principles and contempt for its people, who are increasingly set against one another. ”

      Well said.

      • Hyperion

        “In 2001, before the 9/11 attacks, the share of Americans who said they were “extremely” or “very” proud of their country was 87 percent. That number held relatively steady for the next 15 years, through 9/11, the Iraq war, Katrina, and the duration of the Obama presidency, never dropping below 80 percent.”

        NEEDZ MOAR WARZ!

      • AlmightyJB

        Poor Tulsi. Selling something no one wants.

      • Rebel Scum

        She’s got what I want.

      • AlmightyJB

        Well she does need campaign cash.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    It’ll be good for you us.

    Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg will unveil his proposal to dramatically expand national service programs during a town hall here on Wednesday.

    The plan, which Buttigieg’s campaign is calling “A New Call to Service,” proposes creating a network of 1 million national service members by 2026.

    National service has been a recurring theme in campaign appearances by Buttigieg, who served in the Navy and was deployed in Afghanistan. In televised town halls and campaign speeches around the country, the South Bend, Ind., mayor has spoken of the connections he formed in the military with people from different backgrounds.

    “National service can help us to form connections between very different kinds of Americans, as was my experience in the military,” Buttigieg said in a statement. “I served alongside and trusted my life to people who held totally different political views. You shouldn’t have to go to war in order to have that kind of experience, which is why I am proposing a plan to create more opportunities for national service.”

    We’ll browbeat you into submission, you unmutual individualists. Serve the collective, or else.

    FUCK

    OFF,

    SLAVER.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Trying to crib off of Obama’s playsheet.

      CHEATER!

    • Rebel Scum

      You know who else wanted a a new call to national service?

      • Gustave Lytton

        Federal Energy Regulatory Commission?

      • AlmightyJB

        Would

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Ugh, the comments…Politico has become an open sewer.

    • Plisade

      The useful idiot doesn’t understand that his constituents don’t want to work. He’s supposed to offer free shit.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s compulsion that they want. Of any type, as long as it isn’t on them.

    • Rhywun

      Further brilliance from the “centrist” candidate.

      He spoke about the need for racial reparations, citing the “compound interest” owed to the black community after slavery.

      “Every dollar plundered 150 years ago costs the descendants of the victim a thousand today,” he said.

      TW: Breitbart

      • AlmightyJB

        So he’s Charles Manson?

  23. Don Escaped Texas

    oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    Arte Johnson, the comic best known for the hilarious characters he created for the 1960s NBC smash hit Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In, has died. He was 90. The 5-foot-4 Johnson, a master of ad libs, double-talk and dialects who was content to be a “second banana,” died Wednesday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles of heart failure following a three-year battle with bladder and prostate cancer, his family announced.

    • kinnath

      Very interesting. Sad, but interesting.

    • AlmightyJB

      Dude was a riot

  24. The Late P Brooks

    I’m going to serenade the neighbors with my .45, later.

    • Rebel Scum

      Dood: Police urge residents to refrain from celebratory gunfire on July 4

      RICHMOND, Va. (WRIC) — As the fourth of July holiday approaches, police are reminding area residents to celebrate safely and of the dangers of celebratory gunfire.

      What goes up will come down, police say, and the consequences could be tragic.

      In Chesterfield County, police continue to investigate the tragic 2013 death of 7-year-old Brendon Mackey, who was struck by a bullet before a fireworks display at Swift Creek Reservoir.

      Police believe the round that struck Mackey was fired randomly into the air, likely from a distance, and encourage residents to report any reckless use of firearms immediately.

      • ChipsnSalsa

        Joe Biden said it was cool.

      • Suthenboy

        I think traditionally you are supposed to use a shotgun with #6 or smaller and fire at a steep angle. That is pretty harmless.

  25. Don Escaped Texas

    pot is still out at PGA

    Robert Garrigus returns to the PGA Tour this week at the 3M Open following a three-month suspension after failing a drug test based on elevated THC levels in March.

    Garrigus told Lewis that he had been prescribed marijuana to treat the pain in his knee and back, had monitored his THC levels to try and keep them within Tour guidelines and he is no longer using it. He also said he is working with PGA Tour officials to get marijuana removed the Tour’s list of banned substances and plans to meet with Commissioner Jay Monahan next week at the John Deere Classic.

    It “doesn’t help you get it in the hole,” said Garrigus, who owns a marijuana farm in Washington state, where recreational use of pot is legal.

    • Tundra

      Donnie Two Scoops should just de-schedule it for the Fourth.

    • slumbrew

      E

      • Tundra

        T

      • ChipsnSalsa

        M

      • Tundra

        E

      • Tundra

        H

      • Tundra

        W

      • Tundra

        O

      • AlmightyJB

        W

      • leon

        U

      • AlmightyJB

        The answer is yes

      • Hyperion

        OH! Wait! That should have been an I and a D!

        Lido shuffle

      • Hyperion

        I don’t know where you guys are going… Levis?

      • AlmightyJB

        Learn to sew?

    • ChipsnSalsa

      E

    • peachy rex

      Somewhere, a herd of cats is laughing at us.

      • leon

        And a kindergarten soccer team

      • slumbrew

        a.k.a., swarm of bees

    • mexican sharpshooter

      For those of us too lazy to scroll it says:

      LETMEESHOWYOWUR That should’ve been an I and a D…

      • Tundra

        I think Q And I were on the same page until SOMEONE fucked it up.

  26. Tundra

    In my post workout sauna and a legitimate smokeshow just walked in wearing the burhkini thing.

    So, so disappointed in Islam right now.

    • Rebel Scum

      sauna…smokeshow

      Meh, I think that’s just water vapor.

      disappointed in Islam

      Probably not likely to change.

    • Q Continuum

      I hope you’re circumcised.

      • Tundra

        *checks*

        Yep. I’m good.

    • Pope Jimbo

      She was probably a lutheran, but just tired of you barging into the sauna in the women’s lockerroom

      • Tundra

        Well there’s that…

      • R C Dean

        I hope you were manspreading, and were commando under the towel.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Worse, it was a Curves gym.

  27. R C Dean

    Well, the judge in the Oberlin bakery case reduced the damages award.

    From $44mm to $25mm.

    Not to worry, though. Oberlin is still determined to undermine their appeal on punitives, because they are refusing to apologize, and assuring their trustees that they can afford it, no prob:

    In a conference call on Thursday evening, Oberlin College President Carmen Twillie Ambar and Chris Canavan, the president of the Oberlin College Board of Trustees, told alumni that Oberlin College would manage even if it were required to pay the damages.

    The Chronicle was able to retrieve quotes from this call and notes that President Ambar said that the issue of an apology “goes to the issue of race.” Without analyzing specifics, she claimed to have said that members of the college had a “variety of experiences with Gibson’s – ranging from ‘wonderful’ to ‘not wonderful.’”

    “Those different lived experiences are absolutely true, but they are in conflict with each other. The college didn’t issue an apology because it was hearing these different perspectives and didn’t think it should apologize for issues it didn’t create.”

    Note the total disregard for objective reality, and the complete refusal to accept that Oberlin was held liable for its actions, not for anything that the bakery may have done that created a “not wonderful” experience for their students.

    They are also, I believe, kidding themselves that an appellate court is likely to reduce the punitives award, but I am not familiar with some of the legalese in the article.

    • kinnath

      Let them eat cake.

      • kinnath

        Read everything, then post. Read everything, then post

    • Suthenboy

      Total disregard for objective reality.

      A) that is the foundation of post-modernism

      B) what else would y ou expect from someone who uses gibberish phrases like ‘lived experiences’? Speaking of which ‘post-modernism’ is a gibberish term itself. It is double think all the way down.

      Fuck em. If they go broke and have to close the doors the court will be doing the public a service.

      • AlmightyJB

        I’m looking forward to post-ironic.

    • R C Dean

      He adds that “an appellate court might overturn the punitive award altogether” because “punitive damages are reserved for actions that demonstrate ‘malice or aggravated or egregious fraud.’”

      I think there is ample evidence of malice, especially in the school pressuring third parties to drop their contracts with the bakery. “Aggravated or egregious fraud” will also not be hard to support, since the school was actively promoting the line that the bakery went after the students because they were black, not because they were thieves. Oberlin’s refusal to accept responsibility undermines this line of appeal.

      In addition, judges can determine that punitive damages can be based on pre-cap damages or post-cap damages, which as noted before on PJ Media, could reduce the punitive damages from $20 million, as of now, to the worst-case scenario of $1.4 million.

      The article they link to, with some analysis by a Real Lawyer, actually says the worst-case scenario is $9mm, not $1.4mm.

      • Q Continuum

        Especially since they couldn’t keep their elitist yaps shut during and after the trial.

      • Rhywun

        This. You don’t get damages lowered by doubling down on the shit that got in trouble in the first place.

        The smartest thing they could do is STFU and pay up. But no!

      • R C Dean

        Because damages are already at their theoretical max, Oberlin doesn’t have anything to lose by appealing (except legal fees).

        Of course, other than application of some technical rules on damages, their appeal is doomed as they insist on reinforcing why the jury said they needed punishing in the first place.

      • Rhywun

        The longer they keep it in the news, the more it hurts their bottom line, if God is watching.

      • Nephilium

        We don’t send our best and brightest to Oberlin.

      • Winston

        Oh RC Dean why are so optimistic about the judicial system?

      • R C Dean

        90% of what goes wrong in the courts happens in trial courts.

        Appellate courts have to take the record as is and have narrow issues they can consider; it will be very difficult for an appellate court to overturn the jury’s finding of fact that Oberlin acted maliciously, etc. In this case, I think the biggest vulnerability is probably how the damages caps would apply to this case.

        Its possible a woke judge will give Oberlin a complete pass on punitives, but even that gets appealed again. A judge with his finger to the political/public opinion winds (as opposed to current Leftist sentiment) will let the punitives stand.

      • Winston

        A judge with his finger to the political/public opinion winds (as opposed to current Leftist sentiment)

        How likely is that?

      • R C Dean

        Call it even odds. They are in Ohio, not California.

    • Rhywun

      President Ambar said that the issue of an apology “goes to the issue of race.”

      Only in your head, and the heads of those of your students you’ve brainwashed with that racist garbage.

      The incident had *nothing* to do with race.

      • Pan Zagloba

        And if it is now also in the heads of the alumni, President Ambar has achieved her objective. As for actual money, well, there will be woker judges up the chain, and even if hey have to pay, blame Trump or someshit. She’s there to protect her job and those of her cronies, not worry about some percentage of unversity’s endowment.

        And yeah, it had everything to do with race. Had the initial set of students been white, no fucking way would have university (administration or students) escalated to where they ended up.

      • Rhywun

        I’m talking about the original incident, not the university’s reaction to it.

      • grrizzly

        Both. It has nothing to do with race and it had everything to do with race.

      • Rhywun

        Fair enough. It certainly morphed into that.

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Let them eat cake, right? What did I win?

    • Q Continuum

      A free trip to the guillotine.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    “Those different lived experiences are absolutely true, but they are in conflict with each other. The college didn’t issue an apology because it was hearing these different perspectives and didn’t think it should apologize for issues it didn’t create.”

    That’s some mighty fine gibberish, there, Lou.

    • R C Dean

      Their appellate lawyers must be tearing their hair out. Oberlin is still blaming the bakery for the whole thing and thus implying that everything Oberlin did was justified. It would be hard to imagine a worse position to take when trying to get punitives reduced.

    • kinnath

      We just hired a nice young lady who just completed her masters degree.

      She is from Ruwanda. That means she was born right around the genocide.

      I wonder what she thinks of black American lived experience.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        If she is anything like some of the African immigrants I have met, she will be utterly appalled and horrified.

      • kinnath

        I took that as your meaning.

      • R C Dean

        I wonder what she thinks of black American lived experience.

        “Pretty sweet. What are they bitching about?”

  30. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    Ugh, wife is in an extra special mood today. She doesn’t seem to realize that her aura of frustration rubs off on the kiddo.

    Wife: “she won’t go to sleep and has been hysterically crying for half an hour, I’m ssoooooooo done”

    Me (to myself): “no shit! Even I’ve been avoiding you all morning because you’re a terror today”

    10 minutes later: kiddo is out, wife is out, my stress level is greatly reduced.

    • Q Continuum

      Halcion works wonders.

    • kinnath

      benadryl.

      Here this will take care of your runny nose.

      But I don’t have a runny nose.

      I don’t care, take the pill.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      Me (to myself)

      The critical part to trashy’s afternoon being OK.

    • R C Dean

      Love the pics being circulated of a huge Dem rally or an event of some kind with Obama standing in front of not one, but two, huge Betsy Ross flags.

      • robc

        His inauguration.

      • R C Dean

        If Trump does some kind speech or appearance on the 4th, he should replicate that flag display at Obama’s inauguration.

      • creech

        Obviously celebrating his white half.

    • Rhywun

      Journalism!

    • Rebel Scum

      So.much.stupid. I wonder if this jackass is aware that the primary flag used by the Klan during its heyday was the stars and stripes.

      • Winston

        More proof that AmeriKKKa is evil and its government is illegitimate unless a Democrat is in the White House and handing out free shit.

    • Winston

      Also why is the Betsy Ross Flag (which she likely had nothing to with by the way) so offensive?

      • ChipsnSalsa

        If you have to ask you won’t understand, even it is explained.

    • The Other Kevin

      This isn’t surprising if you realize that the news media no longer interested in reporting facts (if they ever were). They are about getting clicks, likes, and views. And the way to do that is to be as outrageous as possible. It’s the Montel Williams method of journalism.

  31. mexican sharpshooter

    Its like….everybody loves their team, but hates the NFL

    Ken Stabler, the late Hall of Fame quarterback, suffered from CTE and Alzheimer’s before his death; not even the NFL or its lawyers dispute that. Yet Stabler’s family will not collect any money from the NFL’s class-action concussion settlement, which has proven to be a disaster for hundreds of former players and their grieving families.
    […]
    The settlement is clear that only players who died between July 7, 2014, and April 22, 2015, are eligible for a monetary award for death with CTE. Stabler died on July 8, 2015—a little less than three months after that window closed. As a result, his lawyers did not seek a claim based on death with CTE, but rather on a posthumous diagnosis of Alzheimer’s as a result of the BU team’s report, which indicated “a clinical history of progressive impaired memory and cognitive function, and pathological Alzheimer’s changes in the brain.” After an initial denial from the claims administrator last September, the Stabler estate appealed the following month.

    In that appeal, Stabler’s lawyers noted that Stabler had been diagnosed with colon cancer in February 2015, which they said prevented him from seeing a physician who could pinpoint his declining brain functionality while he was still alive:

    • Q Continuum

      Inconsiderate bastard could have killed himself a few months earlier!

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      Stabler had been diagnosed with colon cancer in February 2015, which they said prevented him from seeing a physician

      ¿Que?

      • mexican sharpshooter

        A neurologist vs. oncologist. Remember, this sort of thing is written by serious journalists.

      • R C Dean

        In my experience, the only patients they won’t see are the charity care patients.

      • R C Dean

        I blame that on the lawyers.

        Having colon cancer might mask a cause of mental deficits, but it certainly doesn’t prevent you from seeing a neurologist.

  32. Raston Bot

    this is lost-down-the-rabbit-hole material but it suits my bias so i’m posting it here:
    https://thewire.in/books/bret-easton-ellis-white-review

    What the Negative Reviews of Bret Easton Ellis’s ‘White’ Got Wrong

    The reviews use a manipulative rhetorical strategy that frame Ellis’s argument in a way that it can be mocked.

    A fundamental responsibility of a review is deep listening. When the reviewer opposes a book, the reader still expects that they will wrestle with it – not use the space to de-platform or to censor a book through mockery or moralising. Yes, Ellis provokes questions and dialogue and demands the friendships and communal energy required for both.

    These mocking, outrage-dispensing reviews of White are highly illuminating. So, what do they reveal about the largest of trends within establishment journalistic culture? They exhibit the power (in this case unsuccessfully) of writing to censor, and the power to misrepresent and to cancel out a book through mockery.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    Why don’t we wear a swastika for July 4th?

    Speak for yourself.

    • R C Dean

      Exactly. My question is, why is everybody else wearing pants for July 4th?