“Oh, God, I’m taking your AR-57!” Beto cried out as Cory rammed into him over and over again. “Give me your AK! Give me your AK!” His Austin drawl was muffled by the rabbit head he was still wearing.
“I’m going to BUYBACK YOUR SEMI-AUTOMATIC COCK!” the Texan screamed as Cory filled him with his hot intersectionality. Beto then ejaculated himself, his prostate clenching like an angry fist.
Cory groaned and shuddered and shook like a tased gazelle as he fell sideways off Beto, his penis sliding out with a slithering gargle. They both lay panting in the shredded remains of Beto’s costume, their converted shipping container love nest ticking and clicking as it cooled in the Iowa night.
“You know I have to drop out of the race soon,” Cory said quietly when he had finally caught his breath.
“I know,” Beto replied. “Six days, right?”
“Five now.”
Alpha
“I could give you money,” Beto whispered. “My wife has plenty.” He had made the offer before.
“No,” Cory said. “If America isn’t ready for a black President, I’m not going to be able to overcome their racism with more money.”
Beto rolled over, farted a little semen, and ran his hand over Cory’s smooth chest. “We run together, then. We’ll join campaigns.” He nuzzled Cory’s ear and said breathily, “I’ll be your VP. I love being under you.”
“No, it would never work,” Cory said, wiping himself off on the crumpled bedsheets.
“Black man, white man,” Beto said. “More powerful together. A chocolate and vanilla swirl of Executive leadership.”
“It’s been done,” Cory said.
“Not with a real American black man,” Beto protested. “And I’m am Latinx! Viva la Texicano! Er, I mean, ‘Viva la Texicanx!’”
“But would it be enough to lock up the Black and White Hispanic vote?” Cory asked. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Then come out!” Beto said excitedly. He climbed out of bed and took off the giant rabbit’s head. “Actually black and gay? So intersectional! They couldn’t criticize you then.”
“Then I jeopardize the Black vote. And I couldn’t do that to Rosie anyway,” Cory said. He got out of bed as well. “Where are my clothes? I was supposed to be out on a run.”
“Rosie’s just a beard. She’s getting paid well enough,” Beto said. “Did you have to shred this?” he asked, handling up the rags his rabbit costume had been reduced to. “It was my favorite.”
“You know how I get, baby,” Cory said. “I see you on TV in those mom jeans and I just got to have you.”
“Oh, you,” Beto said affectionately as he squatted over a bucket and shat into it noisily.
Beto
“Five days,” Cory said sadly. “I didn’t even make it to the Iowa caucuses.”
“Come out and we’ll run together,” Beto said excitedly. “Black/white, gay/straight, butch/furry. We’ll be a tornado of intersectional fury!”
“Straight?” Cory asked, laughingly.
“I have a wife and kids,” Beto said as another hissing spray of santorum came out of his ass. “Of course, I’m straight.”
“Oh, sweetie,” Cory said as he crossed to the gangly Texan. “I just love you so much.”
Beto smiled and took Cory’s half-hard penis into his mouth.
A 10:00 AM post?
Scobby says, “Ruh Roh”.
a 17:00 post you mean. Still 2 hours early
It’s 9 AM. Don’t come in here with that east coast time zone bullshit
You mean real people time?
Someday you’ll know what it’s like to live in a civilized time zone
“Civilized” is a euphemism for degenerate.
Dammit! I haven’t made it through the lynx yet.
Goddamnit you are fucking up the routine. I say we boycott this post. Who’s with me?
and I talked them into posting an overnight at 10PM instead of 11 CDT, so more gears to grind
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Z6PWHuGDaFc/maxresdefault.jpg
I’m literally eating breakfast while reading this. I think something has snapped in my brain, because I kept eating.
I poured the first wine glass of the day.
So did Cory. Beto didn’t because his mouth was full.
Hi-Yo!
bizarre, not my kind of humor, Ill just go over here and read a transcript or something…….
Since the “Whistleblower” complaint became public today, I figured out why the transcript was declassified and released yesterday. It absolutely cut off all the calls for its release and short circuited a lot of potential wild speculation. While it didn’t stop the usual suspects from outright lying, it does let pretty much anyone go “That’s not what was said”
Trump was playing poker. He baited the Dems and the media and… they fell for it…. AGAIN!
Fuck off, Tulpa!
Hi Bob!
/calls on edit faerie to pretty please insert Forrest Gump waving GIF
Oh good. I was wondering if santorum would make a comeback.
It never really left…
It bubbles up from time to time.
“I’m going to BUYBACK YOUR SEMI-AUTOMATIC COCK!” the Texan screamed as Cory filled him with his hot intersectionality. Beto then ejaculated himself, his prostate clenching like an angry fist.”
Are you prepared to be remembered as one of the most inspired writers of the 21st Century? Well done
My only question is why is Beto shitting in a bucket? Is that for dramatic effect or is this common among presidential candidates?
The shipping container probably doesn’t have the right permits for plumbing.
You are wise in the ways of the shipping container.
:BARF:
Man. I just ate breakfast
Look, You presumably saw the title, and know who wrote it, and what it likely contained.
That’s all on you.
It’s an expanded universe… expanding all things, like your gorge.
Is this a premature post ejaculation?
Actually read it, and this is the best one yet. “Prostate clinch[ing] like an angry fist” is something I will, in fact, use at work sometime today. I may get fired, but it will be worth it.
SF likes making body parts “angry”. I’ve read many authors that refer to “an angry rash”, but SF takes it to an new level.
SF plays the role of a humorist, but he is truly a ragist.
Rage is the source of a lot of comedy. Lenny Bruce was truly outraged that there even had to be such a thing as comedy that there were rage-inspiring things in society where we needed to pay to sit in a smoke filled bar for an hour to have someone walk us through the outrage and help us deal with it through the catharsis of comedy.
As always, many candidates for best line, but I keep coming back to:
Brutal. Savage. Rekt.
Can we OT yet? Or still the linx?
Depends, do you see switzy?
Not for a long time, unfortunately.
Cheese emergency.
Wasn’t there a story about a couple of Venezuelan’s stealing a few million in Gold the other day? I am assuming that Switzy, STEVE, and Mexican Sharpshooter are on a mission.
STEVE ONLY HAVE ONE MISSION AND BY MISSION MEAN….
Emission?
I for one am upset about those partially digested links……..and the partially digested food on the floor after reading SF
Also: Assuming no pharmaceutical help, wouldn’t a semi-automatic cock be pretty rare? Seems like the vast majority of cocks are bolt action or falling block.
**Busts a lawn sprinkler move**
spew,spew,spew
“Viva la Texicano!”
HEY! What did I ever do to you?
You gave us Beto to laugh at, so there’s that…….
The League Cup Round of 16 draw went as well for the lower level clubs as possible.
With 11 EPL teams there are 5 EPL v EPL matches. 1 League 1 vs League 1 match, 1 League 2 vs League 2 match. leaving Leicester City at Burton Albion in a EPL @ League 1 match.
There is a guarantee of 1 League 1 and 1 League 2 team in the Quarterfinals.
Also Chelsea v Man United and Liverpool v Arsenal, so some top EPL teams are going out.
Meh, nobody cares about that competition anyway.
It turns out I had too much untaken PTO and stopped accruing it. So I took today off. It is amazing how much coffee one drinks when one has no urgent needs to leave one’s home.
Now, off to shop: distilled water, picture wire, clays, 12 ga #8 target loads.
“#8 target loads”
Changes this post to on topic.
Tractor Supply?
Don’t forget a tarp and shovel.
Nah, when you’re at the level of a custom outfitted CONEX box you know they’ve got a backhoe parked somewhere. And canvas tarps are so 1970’s. A 10′ roll of plastic sheeting.
That’s not the point. It’s to see if the cashier notices.
I hit the threshold to not pay social security tax. It’s always nice to see how much more I’d take home if the government robbed me less.
Beto rolled over, farted a little semen
Do gay men find this funny? It’s difficult for me to imagine they wouldn’t.
Cum queefs are funny so I would think that cum farts are equally funny.
So basically, cum is funny. True. They should coat silly string in the stuff.
I had a sensitivity reader clear this for publication.
Kept editing until they ran away screaming?
He is strong, like bull.
I find it interesting I don’t notice my own mistakes writing but I see others.
I do the same thing. It’s hell.
Obvious stuff too. I send my articles to my English Major friend thinking she’ll have no corrections this time and get back a Red Sea worth of ink.
I do all the proof reading in this office. Everything I personally write is a mass of typos I never catch. You can’t proof your own stuff because you know what it is supposed to say.
I tell people that, but no one believes me.
I thought that was common knowledge.
It depends on who you’re talking to.
Nobody does, FM. You know in your mind what you were trying to say so your mind keeps missing that “and” where you meant there to be a “have”, keeps skipping that “not” you accidentally left in there from when you changed the phrasing, Etc.
To that end I am willing to help any Glibs contributor by doing basic proofreading of things you are preparing for submission. I won’t rewrite or criticize, but I’ll point out subject/verb disagreements, affect/effect, their/there, etc. All I ask is that you do this for me in return.
I may lean on you for that. My friend is a single mom so her life can get pretty hectic.
tonio 4 liberty (at) protonmail (dot) com
STEVE SMITH was his sensitivity reader.
STEVE SMITH SENSITIVITY READER! MAKE READER BACKSIDE SENSITIVE BY RAPE
Somewhere between funny and embarrassing, and highly depending on circumstances. IE, it’s a total faux paux at an orgy. If you’re at home resting after a really hot session then that’s your cue it’s time to go hit the shower. “Oops, we just had a little visit from the Senator. Back in a few minutes.”
You never cease to amaze me, SF.
AND BY “AMAZE,” STEVE SMITH SAY HE MEAN…
NOT AGAIN
here’s the redacted complaint:
https://intelligence.house.gov/uploadedfiles/20190812_-_whistleblower_complaint_unclass.pdf
it’s a 2nd/3rd-hand account of the call and the attempted coverup of the call. so very funny some high-paying bureaucrat would torch their career for La Résistance.
“Oh, God, I’m taking your AR-57!” Beto cried out as Cory rammed into him over and over again.
Holy shit, you had me laughing like a mental patient right off the bat.
Well, done!
I want pulp fiction Samual L Jackson.
https://www.foxbusiness.com/technology/alexa-to-feature-samuel-l-jacksons-voice-among-a-host-of-new-features
Alexa turn on the coffee pot
Some serious gourmet shit coming right up!
I guess if you are going to have a telescreen, it’s good to have one that can make one laugh.
Usually those rolls are reversed when I’m attempting to use “Okay, Google” on my phone;
“SAY ‘I DON’T UNDERSTAND’ AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER, GO ON I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE-DOG DARE YOU!!!”
Crap. Got into the lynx too late. Now going to have to carry all my convos over.
you were doing a collaborative novel with UCS
No, collaborative would involve more talking about the plot, possibly writing part of it.
Editing or language review isn’t quite to that bar.
those was jokes
Dammit, sorry people, this was supposed to be a noon post. I done fucked up.
Eh, leave it. We’re already camped out here.
Moving it might nuke the comments, so I’ll leave it. It’s just irritating that I made that mistake.
again
You transgressive devil you
I have a meeting, so I would have had to wait.
And I hate waiting.
So thanks for accommodating me, SF!
This one one was another LOL barf-fest!
Does this mean there isn’t a SNP scheduled for noon?
No, it is still scheduled. Just going to be a heavy day for posts.
Ah, setting up a post vs post battle with Baked Penguin, smart, the in-fighting seems to have drawn a lot of action lately.
FATALITY!
Shut up, troll.
As I’m scheduled later today I just checked the calendar. You aren’t kidding!
Feast or famine! But happy to see content.
LOLOL…..Because an article with this title belongs in a SF post
https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2019/09/12/warren-obama-2020-228068
Yes, I assume they mean literally.
It’s like there is another H&H extended universe installment hiding in that article
As he reached into tweak her nipples through the thin, sweat-soaked fabric of the shirt, she pulled her jacket closed.
“Not until you give me what I want, Barry,” she said.
“The Fed is yours,” he said, sobbing.
*wretch*
Actually Cory is in a heterosexual relationship with the beautiful actress Rosario Dawson.
You’ve just ruined the Clerks II boobie bouncing dance scene for me forever
/runs off crying
You should see ‘Trance’. Generally a shitty movie, but yowzah!!
Fake news.
Good for him. I liked her in Death Proof.
Spectacular tits in Alexander. I wonder how she got assigned as his beard?
Now that I think of it, she was kind of a beard in that movie.
Well, this is the stuff of nightmares
I will never be able to enjoy gay anal buttsex after reading this. It will always seem dirty.
You have my thoughts & prayers.
Thoughts and prayers are empty! We need to do something! Overturn Lawrence! wait…
Of Arabia? Was he gay? You can’t always tell with British.
Read the 7 Pillars of Wisdom. He was certainly at least curious…
The alt-texts explain it all, T.
They just make it worse…
get a many looking chick to peg you?
Me neither.
As opposed to non-anal buttsex?
The things I laugh at here… I can’t even explain to normals.
I originally posted this suggestion accidentally on the SNP thread. If you’re reading this, CPRM, this could be your intro to Yaoi.
I feel clammy and ill.
I waited till after lunch to read this today. So glad I did.