“Well, if they’re going to issue the stay at all, now would be a good time! I mean, if no stay today, by tomorrow night my guy is eating with the big metal spoon, if you know what I mean.” I’m on the phone to appellate defense in Washington, D.C. I look at my watch. The digital face reads 00:31. Ten-thirty in the morning east coast time.

“Alright, bye.” I hang up. I’m looking at documents, but I’m not really seeing anything – David Ponder’s record book, letter from his wife, character statements, and I’m trying to imagine how I’m going to defend him tomorrow. I’ve got one last motion that I’ll bring at the close of the government’s case. One last grasp that has a sound basis in law, but the judge will deny it, at this point. It’s a technicality.

From the beginning I’ve had the sense that they have mischarged the offense, perhaps intentionally. The prosecution has charged it as willful disobedience of a superior commissioned officer. Under the UCMJ, that has a stiffer penalty than the more general charge of violating a lawful general order, such as the order from the Secretary of Defense, to take the anthrax shot. The government has charged it as violating the specific Navy Lieutenant’s order, but there is an old case that stands for the proposition that merely repeating a higher order can not make an orders violation the more egregious willful disobedience of a superior commissioned officer. It is called the “ultimate offense doctrine,” but it probably isn’t going to work. Nothing else has.

I’m tired. I haven’t slept much, I need a shave, and my back is killing me from my tiny desk chair at home and my broken desk chair at work. I need to get David’s sentencing case together, review my opening statement and closing argument, and make sure all of the documents are in my case file, with necessary copies for each of the jurors…

My head nods and I realize I’ve drifted off at my desk. I look at my watch and see it’s 2:33 am. I rub my face and decide to take a walk.

The building is dark and empty, except for me and the feisty Okinawan cockroaches. I stroll the dark corridors, my sneakers making a light tread on the tile. I stretch my arms over my head as I walk to the entrance. Out the window, the open field beside our building is dark. I can barely see the slope that I know rises up to a road that runs next to the next set of office buildings and the barracks.

I hear the phone in the clerk’s office ring, but there’s nothing particularly unusual about that at this hour because of the time difference; people frequently fax documents from the States during our nighttime in Okinawa. The fax ticks away, a counterpoint to the flying bugs banging into the glass on the door and the light just outside of it. Tick-tick-tick. In seven hours, David Ponder is going to be facing a jury, and likely going to jail. Unless that fax. . .

I walk hurriedly to the defense clerk’s office and go to the fax machine behind the clerk’s desk. Letter-sized sheets are spitting out, face down. I grab one and flip it over to see if it has anything to do with me. The cover sheet is from the Washington Navy Yard. I grab the whole stack while more keep sliding out.

My eyes flick over the words.

“YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” I let out a guttural yell that echoes throughout the empty building. “Can you feel that, huh!?! Baby, can ya’!?” My best Ace Ventura, hips thrusting, fist pumping. I want to cry with relief. We beat the clock by seven hours. I’ve kept my promise to David and his wife, to Jason Stonewall, and Vittolino Arroyo. We have a stay from the Navy Marine Corps Court of Criminal Appeals. No one’s going to jail tomorrow.

                                                                                                                                                                       

I take my time packing up and make a few copies of the stay. Before I leave, somewhere near 3 am, I take a ten-penny nail and hammer the stay to the prosecution’s office door. I don’t do it right through the middle, however, because I’m still a Marine Officer and someone might bitch to the CO about a nail in the door. I hammer the nail just deep enough to look like someone was careless; but not all the way through the door, for example. I also place the nail an inch or two above the middle of the sheet, close enough to the top of the sheet that it doesn’t look like it was intentionally in the middle, but far enough down that someone will have to either rip the paper in half to get it off or pry out the nail. It’s an asshole move, to be certain, but I know it might be all the satisfaction I’m going to get in the long run, so I indulge myself. It’s the little “fuck yous” that matter in life. It won’t be the last laugh, but it’s enough to make me smile as I walk to my car for the drive back to Kadena Air Base officer housing and my wife and four daughters.

About The Author

Ozymandias

Ozymandias

Born poor, but raised well. Marine, helo pilot, judge advocate, lawyer, tech startup guy... wannabe writer. Lucky in love, laughing 'til the end.

57 Comments

  1. leon

    Finally some good news.

    • Ozymandias

      You’re welcome!

  2. CPRM

    So, you’re the reason I have Anthrax albums! Fuck you, Scott Ian is douche sandwich!

    • Ozymandias

      Not I.

  3. dbleagle

    It’s a small victory but I’m glad you and your client got it.

  4. dbleagle

    Tonight I made my aged nog recipe for Turkey Day. The sample went well.

    (To find the recipe check under Glibs recipes “2018 Thanksgiving Recipes” entry.)

    • hayeksplosives

      Duly noted.

  5. Gustave Lytton

    my wife and four daughters

    Good lord. A work buddy had the same number, with the only other male being a dog who ended up running away. He’d always say it did so because it couldn’t handle the estrogen in the house.

    • Lackadaisical

      Yup. My brother had/has 4 daughters. It didn’t go well. . .

      • Fourscore

        I had one of each, that was tough enough. 4, no way, man

  6. Sir Digby

    I really got to start remembering to look at the little arrows on the left of the page. Either that, or start remembering which articles come out when. Or, what day it is…

    This was an excellent thing to read about, even if I’m late to the game.

  7. l0b0t

    Good morning all. I scored the night off last night night and was asleep by 8pm… good times.
    Ozy!!!!!!! It is so wonderful to wake to your story today because this one finally ends on an upswing. Thanks.

  8. Gender Traitor

    It’s the little “fuck yous” that matter in life.

    Indeed.

    Thanks again, Ozy. I wished for this installment to be longer, but I understand why you left off when & where you did. You’re pacing this thing like a thriller.

    • Gender Traitor

      …and good morning, l0 (and Diggy, if you still happen to be around.)

      • l0b0t

        And a good morning to you as well. I woke up early enough to schlep to the bagel store for fresh poppy bagels for breakfast… take that, low-carb regimen!

      • Gender Traitor

        Fresh bagels! ***SIGH!!!*** I try to limit my breakfast bread indulgence to Saturday mornings, with this nommy bread. Weekday mornings, it’s just a cup of low-carb Greek yogurt, later supplemented by a pack of those Planter’s “Nut-rition” mixed nuts. (Sunday morning – or more specifically, just past noon – is waffles & sausage time.)

  9. Sean

    Good morning.

    Finally, a turn for the better.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean. Two thumbs up, indeed.

      • Sean

        Mornin’ ?

  10. l0b0t

    It’s 23° (a record low for NYC) and the news has all these hand-wringing stories about the many, many NYCHA properties (NYC housing projects) are completely without heat and hot water. Fucking ridiculous! How do people expect big daddy gubbmint to usher in the New Jerusalem if he can’t even provide indoor heat (something humans have managed to accomplish for a couple thousand years at least).

    • leon

      Just a lot of bad luck going around in NY and California lately.

      • l0b0t

        No other explanation really. Well, maybe the policies and politics of failure from those dastardly Republicans.

    • Gender Traitor

      Overnight record low of 9 degrees F (can’t find that stupid little degree symbol on my laptop keyboard) in Dayton. Currently 11 degrees. Means ’tis the season for space heater-caused fires.

      • l0b0t

        There is a lady on the TV right now, a resident of Washington Houses in East Harlem, who has no heat or hot water so she calls her oven The Magic Chef Overnight Heater. Sigh… that plan can’t fail.

      • l0b0t

        To continue in this vein, house fire is my only real fear of urban living. I truly do not want to suffer because some fool is heating their dwelling with the bloody oven. I have a dear friend who lost everything but her nightclothes and her 2 cats (she leaped from a 2 floor window into a tree with both cats under her arm) because the drunk downstairs fell asleep while smoking. That terrifies me.

      • Gender Traitor

        I hear you! If I ever had to downsize and go condo for the sake of never having to do yardwork again, I’d search high and low for one of those rare free-standing condo units. But I probably couldn’t afford it even if I found one.

      • l0b0t

        We had a horrible case a few blocks down the road (a couple three years ago). Big apartment building with fireproof units suffers a fire. NYPD responded before FDNY. NYPD (not really trained on the intricacies of fire protocol) forced old lady out of her fireproof apartment into a smokey, not at all fireproof common area. She got turned around in smoke and suffocated before incineration. I can’t even.

      • Gender Traitor

        ::shudders::

    • l0b0t

      Al Franken moved to PA?

    • leon

      “It’s unclear if the find will impact the results of any of last week’s elections.

      The canvassing operation for the votes will be done Wednesday or Thursday. The votes will then go to the Department of State to be certified.

      McClure said he can assure all voters that this was a “legal, fair, and accurate election.””

      If you can’t trust your politicians, who can you trust?

      • The Hyperbole

        Meh, mistakes happen . They corrected it, security measures were in place, not seeing anything nefarious.

      • leon

        It’s just kinda funny to me. I mean there’s no one independent who you could trust for an election, but specially citing a politican on the fairness of an election just makes me laugh.

      • Sean

        Agreed. Also, I have a hard time accepting that someone involved in the voting process misplaced ballots. That takes a special kind of stupid, imo.

      • The Hyperbole

        Well, sure but these poll workers aren’t highly trained professional voting overseers, they are mostly part-timers/volunteers, at least around here, it may be different in PA. So special kind of stupid probably is the norm not an exception to the rule.

    • l0b0t

      That’s pretty much what my kids are up to right now.

    • Lackadaisical

      I assumed that was Babylon bee.

  11. Lackadaisical

    Riddle me this: why is it that my wife can make us late for every event we ever go to, something which I abhorred, but if I show up 7 minutes late because I was at a friend of the family’s wake I’m the worst person ever to exist?

    • Gender Traitor

      Because your tardiness wasn’t because you were putting on makeup? (Only legit excuse in chickdom.)

      Actual answer: ‘cuz bitchezz be cray-cray. I can say that.

      • Lackadaisical

        I’m frankly getting sick of this. Fighting over nothing and then hours or days of silence. Allegedly I’m the one with the anger problem, but am always willing to forgive/forget (helps to have a short memory) and talk things out.

      • Sean

        That’s not good. Sorry to hear that.

  12. Gender Traitor

    Clean up time! Stay warm, all ye denizens of a northern hemisphere temperate zone!

    • leon

      Why is this a Resurfacing? The lady was out of the news for 7 days tops. Paris Hilton could stay out of the news that long in her hey-day. It’s not like she’s been missing for 3 years in a secluded Hermitage.

      • Sean

        That’s like 10,000+ minutes!
        ?

    • Sean

      Yikes.

      That is not a flattering photo.

      • Tundra

        Right?

        And what the fuck is a Billy Binion?

  13. Tundra

    I’ve done a little side research on this stuff and there are apparently a lot of dudes whose careers were ended by not wanting to be fucking Defense Department lab rats.

    Fascinating stuff, Ozy. Thanks again for sharing the inside scoop.

    • Ozymandias

      My pleasure, Tundra. You’ll appreciate the next installment because I spend a good deal of time covering that exact issue: the losses of people as a direct result of these shenanigans.

  14. DEG

    It’s good that you had a turn for the better, but I think that like a Sugarfree story, you are setting us up for a nutpunch.

    • Ozymandias

      Hmmm…. maybe?

  15. Fourscore

    At that point in time I can understand your elation. Now waiting for the other shoe to drop. Its the small victories we remember that are important in life. The hard work you and your team have put in netted a win for your client.

    Now you wonder if that portends of greater things to come. We’re waiting too. Thanks, OZY, for fighting the good fight.

    • Ozymandias

      Thank you, Fourscore. Hope you had a good Veteran’s Day way up there where the wind comes whipping down from the Pole, breezing and freezing right through Canada, to land on your doorstep!

      • Fourscore

        It was a good day, my hunting partner and I each shot a buck over the week-end and didn’t have to go back out then it really got cold (Sunday afternoon). Monday was a day to count the memories.