Friday night free for all

by | Jan 3, 2020 | Fun | 392 comments

Yum.

 

Yep, they’re all drunk. You know what to do.

About The Author

Spudalicious

Spudalicious

Survey says I’m a Paleolibertarian bitches. That means I eat “L”ibertarians for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Soave tastes a little fruity. Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound quite right…

392 Comments

  1. Ted S.

    So you’re saying I should be drinking too?

    • Nephilium

      No, we’re saying you should be drinking two drinks.

    • Spudalicious

      If you’re a Glib, and not Mormon, not drinking on a Friday night is a violation of the NAP.

      • C. Anacreon

        About three years ago I went to a Reason Foundation event and was talking with their president David Nott. I mentioned something about the NAP and he asked what that was. I had to explain it to him, he said he’d never heard of it before.

        I think the Glibbening happened not long after that. Perhaps it was dramatic foreshadowing.

      • MikeS

        Can you, or one of the longterm libertarians give some background on the NAP and it’s widespread acceptance? Is it a universal “requirement” among libertarians, or is it given much more reverence in our little bubble?

      • DEG

        The LP used to require that you sign a pledge agreeing to follow the NAP when you joined the LP.

      • MikeS

        Thanks guys. Turns out David Nott is a moron. Or worse, a cosmotarian.

      • Ted S.

        Why not both?

      • Tejicano

        I believe there is a good deal of overlap between the two.

      • Don Escaped Bloomington

        I don’t catalogue them, but there are always interesting situations at the extremes, dilemmas between competing but decent interests, and so on, and NAP is no exception. I like people who can ride those borders without getting bent out of shape if someone else sees it a bit differently.

        I’m the least educated guy here on those themes and figured you were at least two laps ahead of me: I don’t know the dictionary, players, history, or jokes of libertarianism; I like learning it as it comes, but basically golden rule, property rights, and agency sum it up for me. I don’t do anything but Jack Daniels, but I don’t care what your toys are or who you play with. Hillbillies mind their own business and stay on their own hills, and that’s a good starting place for a philosophy. I disagree with a lot of guys here every day, but I still want everyone to live a long life and die rich and with lots of successful kids.

        I want to see which tragedy of the commons gets me: who owns the air is a sticky wicket.

      • Charles Easterly

        “Can you, or one of the longterm libertarians give some background on the NAP….”

        MikeS, I do not identify as a L(l)ibertarian, yet I think that this may help.

        “The non-aggression principle (also called the non-aggression axiom, or the anti-coercion or zero aggression principle or non-initiation of force) is an ethical stance which asserts that “aggression” is inherently illegitimate. “Aggression” is defined as the “initiation” of physical force against persons or property, the threat of such, or fraud upon persons or their property. In contrast to pacifism, the non-aggression principle does not preclude violent self-defense. The principle is a deontological (or rule-based) ethical stance.”

        <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/deontological-ethics&quot; In deontological ethics an action is considered morally good because of some characteristic of the action itself, not because the product of the action is good."

        MikeS, this may seem at great variance with other beliefs that you have encountered wherein the “end justifies the means”, and well it should, in my opinion.

      • MikeS

        Thanks Charles (and everyone else). I know and understand what the NAP is and means. With my poorly-worded question, I was trying to ascertain how widespread knowledge and adoption of it as a (the?) defining principal was among libertarians.

        Basically, could Nott be a “legit” libertarian and yet still have no knowledge of the NAP?

        From both Creech and DEG’s comments, it seems to me that any serious, or even half-assed libertarian should -at the very least- be familiar with what it is.

      • Jarflax

        There are apparently scads of utilitarian Libertarians to judge from the usual tenor of articles I see on ‘libertarian’ sites. I don’t know how many of them worry about the NAP as a principle.

      • Cannoli

        I knew the idea of the NAP, but I don’t think I knew it was called that until I started lurking on TOS.

      • Charles Easterly

        “I knew the idea of the NAP, but I don’t think I knew it was called that until I started lurking on TOS.”

        If the idea was intrinsic to you then I for one congratulate you.

        If one of the contributors to R.com helped clarify it, then I am also glad.

      • Cannoli

        I wouldn’t claim the NAP was intrinsic, but between my parents and Rand I learned the concept without learning the name.

      • Cacciatore

        Stealing my food-as-handle idea is a violation of the NAP.

        En garde!

      • Charles Easterly

        “… I was trying to ascertain how widespread knowledge and adoption of it as a (the?) defining principal was among libertarians.”

        I must needs leave the answer to self-described L(l)ibertarians, or in the current case of posting upon this website, Glibertarians.

        I am also interested in the answers to your question.

      • slumbrew

        This half-assed libertarian is quite familiar with the NAP.

      • CPRM

        I think Rothbard mentioned it in ‘For a New Liberty: The Libertarian Manifesto’ in 1973, so if my memory is correct it dates back at least that far in libertarian circles….

        ….searches…Ayup

        The core of libertarianism, writes Rothbard, is the non-aggression axiom: “that no man or group of men may aggress against the person or property of anyone else.” He points out that while this principle is almost universally applied to private individuals and institutions, the government is considered above the general moral law, and therefore does not have to abide by this axiom.

      • Mojeaux

        Mormons are your designated drivers.

      • Spudalicious

        Works for me.

      • straffinrun

        If heaven has a DUI checkpoint, I’m hiding in a Mormon’s trunk.

    • MikeS

      Yes. And no damn milk.

  2. MikeS

    I hope Tundra sues you for avatar infringement.

    • Spudalicious

      Tundra can bite me. He’s a Minnesodan.

      • MikeS

        Good point. Carry on.

      • Pope Jimbo

        Uffda. Consorting with NoDaks. Throwing shade onto a citizen of the best darn state that there is. You sure are taking advantage of our Minnesoda Nice. Isn’t that some sort of violation of the NAP?

      • MikeS

        Shut up, stump-humper.

      • straffinrun

        Let’s form a temporary NDak/Wis alliance and crush Minn. I call dibs on the role of Stalin.

      • MikeS

        It’s a deal. I’m sure it will turn out splendidly.

      • straffinrun

        You’re France, BTW.

      • MikeS

        Haha. Are you lurking in our WebDip game?

      • Pope Jimbo

        Mike and Straff were sitting in Mike’s sod hut plotting the Wisconsin/NoDak strategy when Mike’s telephone rang. “Hallo, Mike” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Ole down at da Viking Pub in Thief River Falls, Minnesoda. I am ringing to inform you dat ve are officially declaring war on you”.

        “Well Ole,” Mike replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

        “Vell, right now,” said Ole, after a moments calculation, “dere is myself, my cousin Engebert, my next door neighbor Gulbrand and da entire drinking club from the Pub. Dat makes eight!”

        Mike paused, “I must tell you Ole, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

        “Uffda!” said Ole. “I’ll have to ring you back!”

        Sure enough, the next day Ole called again. “Mike, the war is still on! Ve have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”

        “And what equipment would that be, Ole?” Mike asked.

        “Vell, ve have two combines, a bulldozer, Lars’s farm tractor and twelve lefsa rollers!”

        Mike sighed, “I must tell you Ole, that I have 15,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, with Straff’s Wisconsin National Guard we have increased my army to 1.5 million since we last spoke.”

        “Double Uffdas!” said Ole. “I’ll have to get back to you.”

        Sure enough, Ole rang again the next day. “Mike, Straff, the var is still on! Ve have managed to get ourselves airborne! Ve’ve modified Engebretsen’s ultra-light vith a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from Larsdatters farm have joined us as vell.”

        Mike was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. “I must tell you Ole, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, Iowa has joined us and now my army is TWO MILLION!”

        “Uffda ma tousand.” said Ole. “I’ll have to ring you back.”

        Sure enough, Ole called again the next day. “Mornin guys! I am sorry to tell you that ve have had to call off the war.”

        “I am sorry to hear that.” said Mike. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

        “Vell,” said Ole, “Ve’ve all had a long chat over a bottle of Aquavit and decided that there is no vay ve can feed two million prisoners.”

      • straffinrun

        Feeding POWs lefsa is a violation of the Geneva accords.

      • MikeS

        Feeding POWs lefsa without butter and sugar is a violation of the Geneva accords.

        FIFY

      • Gustave Lytton

        Needs moar Lena.

      • UnCivilServant

        You realize Stalin had a poor track record with invading frozen wastes?

      • straffinrun

        Lend lease AT AT Snow Walkers FTW.

  3. Hyperion

    Is this a thread about nothing?

    • Chafed

      It’s like Seinfeld but on the internet.

    • Cacciatore

      It’s a metaphor.

  4. Ownbestenemy

    Just got a new tattoo. Odin’s ravens. Sue me

    • MikeS

      Pics?

      Unless it’s somewhere gross, then nah.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Way too advanced to post pics. And i don’t social media so…yay?

    • Tejicano

      Glad to hear you got a new tattoo. Getting an old one from somebody can be problematic.

    • Tejicano

      Glad to hear you got a new tattoo. Getting an old one from somebody can be problematic.

      • Ownbestenemy

        It was a b-day gift from the wofe 4 years ago and I wasnt ready. Luckily the guy is really good and like blues and I got to listen to that for an hour while he did his thing.

  5. Spudalicious

    And godspeed to Yusef.

    • MikeS

      + Infinity

    • Yusef in Space......

      “he cant be stopped, he cant be dealt with, he cant be killed, and he will never ever stop…”

      • Rhywun

        You’ll be back?

      • Yusef in Space......

        “Fuck You, Asshole”
        “and a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range”

      • Charles Easterly

        “and a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range”

        Nicely done, Sir.
        It brings back memories, is what it does.

      • Yusef in Space......

        “hey, only what you see”

      • Gustave Lytton

        Possible Response
        1. FYTW
        2. We’ve still got Lou Reed, right?
        3. Also, fried
        4. F U, cut spending
        5. only kidding, Preet
        >6. Tall cans!

      • Charles Easterly

        “hey, only what you see”

        Nicely done again.

        Certainly times will be difficult for some of us, and seemingly in the long moments or hours they may appear at the time unable to overcome, YiS. You seem capable of resiliency. As, perhaps, does someone else….

        I understand that my typed words are insufficient at the current time, and I ask your forbearance.

        As has been shown to me and commentators upon this website (and I hope to yourself as well), others do not want you to think that you are alone.

        You have a lot of supporters here and, my guess is, outside of these threads.

    • westernsloper

      Late signing on, had to back trap and and yep.

      • Pope Jimbo

        #MeToo

        Hang in there Yusef. I’m sending all the good thoughts I can to you and Wendy.

  6. Mojeaux

    I want something different to drink. I don’t know what. We keep Sprite and ginger ale for sickness. I may fetch a Sprite.

    Now, look, that’s really breaking out for me. I don’t drink pop much.

    • Spudalicious

      *soda*

      You spelled it wrong.

      • DEG

        Yep.

      • MikeS

        Savages

      • Mojeaux

        I’m sorry. I don’t recognize that word, “soda,” in relation to what I said.

        Baking soda?

        Club soda?

      • MikeS

        They’re savages. Don’t interact with them.

      • Nephilium

        She wanted pop, not soda water.

      • Ted S.

        She’s drinking her father?

      • Spudalicious

        Larf.

      • Mojeaux

        ?

      • robc

        It is spelled coke.

      • hayeksplosives

        +1 Native Okie

    • Florida Man

      Ginger tea. Slice some fresh ginger razor thin, boil and serve with honey. Delicious and I’m sure has some health benefits, but who cares cause we are all going to die anyways

      • Fourscore

        “serve with honey”

        You said the magic word. Some health benefits? Some of us believe honey is a life prolonging gift. The dead people just didn’t believe hard enough, probably didn’t eat enough honey.

    • Ted S.

      Not a nice refreshing glass of ice water?

  7. Mojeaux

    Bob/Yusef, please know my family is praying for you and Wendy.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Seconded

      • Yusef in Space......

        Why did I do this again……

      • Mojeaux

        Dude, don’t. Seriously. Melancholy music does nothing for a soul that’s hurting.

      • Charles Easterly

        “Dude, don’t. Seriously. Melancholy music does nothing for a soul that’s hurting.”

        Even though I would not have taken her wise advice, I recommend adhering to Mojeaux’s advice in this regard, YiS…. especially at present.

  8. DEG

    I like that album cover.

    I had a World Wide Stout.

    Best wishes to Yusef and Wendy.

    • Florida Man

      I like the old style pin up girl art. Sexy, but classy.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        Vargas

        Playboy magazine used to give him a whole page per issue.

      • DEG

        Yes.

    • Yusef in Space......

      those are good,
      listen to above song,

      • DEG

        Listening now. Hang in there.

      • Fourscore

        We’re here for you, Pardner

  9. Hyperion

    I’m not sure what’s going on over there in that middle east place. So I guess we blew up some shit. Now, all of these sudden newly war hawkish democrats got a sad. I’m confused about their confusion. So, let me get this right. If Barack Obama is president and we blow up shit in a sand shithole, that’s good and he’s just passed up Jesus as the greatest being who has ever lived. But if we blow up some shit in a sand shithole and Bad Orange Man is president, it’s the worst thing that has ever happened ever and we are all going to die. Did I get that right?

    • MikeS

      You missed the part about a Nobel Peace Prize, but basically, yeah.

      • LJW

        Also Obama helped fund the Iranian proxies.

    • C. Anacreon

      I’m impressed with all those on the left trying to say this identified terrorist and murderer was ‘widely admired in his country’ and was the same thing as Iran assassinating Pence.

      And those people I unfortunately seem to come across too often, who only know what they heard on three minutes of network news, nod along and say, “oooo… we killed their beloved vice president for no reason. This impeachment can’t happen fast enough. Wish Obama were still president, nothing like this ever happened when he was in charge.”

      • Tres Cool

        Someone should posit the question-

        “You know who else was widely admired in his country?”

      • Jarflax

        We need more diplomatic coups like the Arab Spring and the humanization of commerce in Lybia.

      • straffinrun

        Even a broken bomb explodes twice a day.

      • LJW

        I’d say it’s more like killing Göring. Since the left is certain Trump is literally Hitler, then Pence would be Göring. So in their twisted minds they’re right.

      • The Last American Hero

        It’s not like he was an austere scholar or anything.

    • Ted S.

      You forgot about the screaming over trying to pull troops out of Syria.

      • creech

        Yeah, I remember when the media criticized Trump for being indecisive over Syria, and for not believing what his intelligence agencies were telling him. Cripes, the man could find a cure for cancer and the media and his opponents would excoriate him for putting so many medical researchers out of work.

    • straffinrun

      I’m just celebrating the murder of a killer that was fighting the people we were fighting until we weren’t fighting them anymore.

      • Tres Cool

        Wabbit season!

        /eyes on you, sconnie

      • Ted S.

        Duck season.

      • straffinrun

        Your avatar makes that a threat.

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        It comes out of the wall, duh!

      • Ted S.

        I’d like to see other states cut off the electric supply to California.

      • commodious spittoon

        Not to worry, the New Soviet Californian is willing to live with any indignity for the good of the People’s Republic.

      • Rhywun

        California is looking for ways to phase out fossil gas lower its residents’ quality of life

        Fixed for honesty

      • Mojeaux

        California is looking for ways to phase out fossil gas grind its residents under its heel all the way to hell

      • Ted S.

        From peasants in flyover country walking on giant hamster wheels?

      • Fourscore

        Well, they’ve got me convinced, I’m switching to charcoal, its renewable.

      • Charles Easterly

        “Do people not know how electricity is generated?”

        Clearly electricity is like magic, or a miracle, just like magnets .

        Please note that the link leads to a song with an abundance of foul language.

      • Sensei

        It comes from the wall, right?

    • creech

      I wonder how long a high school science teacher would remain employed if he attempted to teach his students what their lives would be like if even the less radical climate change activists had their way? Just tell them condoms should be banned because they clog up landfills, waste water treatment plants, and turtles’ throats. Oh, and no pregnancy will be tolerated either, because there are way too many people on Mother Earth as it is, so intercourse will be prohibited.

      • KSuellington

        Condoms should be banned because they are a fossil fuel product. Only lambskin ones are goodthinkful.

      • Ted S.

        Not latex?

      • KSuellington

        That should have been “latex condoms should be banned..”

        Really Spud? I never tried one of those, but I thought they were supposed to be more “real feel” than latex, just not good at disease protection.

      • Spudalicious

        Think about it. Animal skin versus paper thin latex. Of course, that was over 30 years ago.

      • commodious spittoon

        Welsh seem to like it just fine.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Welsh seem to like it just fine.

        I’m not sure it counts when it’s still attached to the sheep.

      • Tres Cool

        Why do you hate vegans ?

      • Spudalicious

        I used one of those once. It was like wrapping your dick in leather.

      • commodious spittoon

        Like a little Fonzie?

      • DrOtto

        So, kind of like jerking off with a baseball mitt.

      • Spudalicious

        More like wet suede.

      • DEG

        There used to be polyurethane condoms. I tried them because they were wider than the latex ones on the market at the time. They don’t stretch that well but transmit heat better.

      • Fourscore

        Wool outside or inside, asking for the Minnesoda guys

      • KSuellington

        Heh, heh. You know, there is one thing that I have always wondered about condoms. What are those sets of numbers, letters, and symbols that are stamped on them?

      • MikeS

        They are code for, “you’re a dirty liar”

      • KSuellington

        Maybe you’ve never rolled them down far enough to see them.

      • Francisco d'Anconia

        Really?

      • Pope Jimbo

        You can have condoms, but not disposable one use condoms. Nope the only sustainable way is to wash and re-use

      • Gustave Lytton

        Turn them inside out and use both sides first. Can be wasting precious wash water on frivolous washing.

  10. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    Finished up 2 articles tonight. Mo’s writing post inspired me to finish them out. One is the long promised critique of the modern church. The other is my attempt at being the Babylon Bee. Hopefully they don’t both fall flat.

    • straffinrun

      “Mortal Enemy of ISIS Killed: Americans Celebrate”

      • straffinrun

        They keep promising that, but the lights keep coming on every morning.

      • Rhywun

        Shouldn’t it be “turn night into day”…?

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        I don’t think the title gives away too much: “Third libertarian dies from shadenfreude toxicity”

      • straffinrun

        We’re supposed to inject that stuff in moderation?

  11. Yusef in Space......

    @ DEG and others,
    Wendy and I married young, managed to grow out of petty bullshit and stayed together for over 30 years, happily. We are a team, we love each other dearly and watch each others backs so we dont do stupid shit, yet we still do, such is life. Other than Bella, I’m alone, I don’t like it, Wendy doesn’t like it,
    Love Your People!

    • straffinrun

      Behind every good man is a woman not bitching at him but gently pulling on his rudder.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        That’s hardly even a euphemism!

        Bob, you’re good people. We’re thinking about and praying for you, buddy.

      • straffinrun

        It’s a metaphor of an analogy.

      • Yusef in Space......

        I know it, and appreciate everything the Glibs have done, Ozy and I are going back to Cali on Monday to clear out my stuff, then we are done with California,

    • Tres Cool

      Hey stupid!
      Read your damn email.

      • Yusef in Space......

        new PC, not set up yet
        82$ great for wok!

      • Fourscore

        Every Glib hit the Gmail button. Hey, who was TC calling stupid?

    • DEG

      Best wishes to you two.

      I don’t think you’re alone. You got folks like us.

      • Yusef in Space......

        Really, You have no idea how much this place has kept me going, We are Family

      • mindyourbusiness

        ^This

  12. Jarflax

    So 5 years after it came out I am replaying AC:Unity. I say replaying despite never getting past the 35% mark (which has a quick time event that was notoriously impossible even on decent computers because the timing was tight enough that the game’s brutal graphics lag was generally sufficient to fail the event. I must say this is actually a decent game. Kids unless you want to derail your franchise don’t create games that take a $1200 graphics card just to play.

    • UnCivilServant

      I don’t recall having that kind of problem with the game back when it came out.

      I, however, was spared the bugs that others were plagued with. Donno why.

      What was the QTE?

      • Jarflax

        I barely recall, something in a tower and you had to click E to either make it inside after the guy you were chasing or kill him. I just recall failing 2 million times then googling and the list of fixes basically boiled down to reduce the resolution all the way and pray, after a few more failures I moved on to another game.

    • Gender Traitor

      Finally composed a rambling response to your post from earlier today. I blame my usual Friday night fading, even if today was a virtual Tuesday, work-wise.

      • UnCivilServant

        It wasn’t so rambling.

    • Yusef in Space......

      I’m going to pick up Gson #1 tomorrow, and fly som kites, mc D’s and video games, he’s way cool,

    • Sensei

      I read a different rant about the “editing” of this video by a different liberal. This must be making the rounds on whatever the new journolist is.

      Actually by MSM standards 19 seconds of context is an eternity.

      • straffinrun

        “Fine People”.

      • straffinrun

        “Covington kids”

      • C. Anacreon

        Also, nice how the guy writes his extremely one-sided view of the Trump impeachment details as if it is unquestioned fact, then unironically raves about bias on the right.

      • Rhywun

        But remember, we’re supposed to take Twitter seriously when the rightthinkers post something.

      • Sensei

        And on the other hand when the bad orange man uses it to avoid the MSM it’s a bad thing.

    • KSuellington

      Look fat, here’s the deal. There’s way too much malarkey around these parts. Makes my blonde leg hairs stand up on end. The kids love it, but that’s besides the point.

      • Mojeaux

        Have Chris Wallace hump your leg. That’ll make the hairs behave.

      • Spudalicious

        Ewwww.

      • Mojeaux

        It wasn’t Chris Wallace. It was that one guy… Name is on the tip of my fingers…

        Chris Matthews! That’s it.

    • Rhywun

      It’s beyond the scope of this blog post to check Biden’s depiction of English common law in the Middle Ages.

      Or what the fuck-all “English common law in the 1300s” has anything to do with anything.

    • Grumbletarian

      NBC editing a 911 call to make George Zimmerman sound like a Klansman is totes fine, however, as is a 6-second video aimed at turning a smiling high school kid into an evil racist.

  13. Pope Jimbo

    This made me laugh

    Another victim of poor civics classes.

    • straffinrun

      Yup. Perfect pic. Looks like he’s looking at an incoming.

  14. Tundra

    Nice.

    I hope y’all are having a dangerous Friday!

  15. wchipperdove

    Mojeaux –

    If you’re still up and reading. A few days ago you made a remark about eating cheesecake before having some protein and it affected your sinuses, or something like that. As a sinus sufferer, may I ask what in the sam hill you were talking about? Is there some nutritional component I should know about? Thanks in advance.

    • Mojeaux

      I have nothing to back this up except my own experience and two people whose genes I share and one person whose genes I helped propagate.

      If I (or my daughter or husband–or my dad, when he was alive) have milk or too much of it (my tolerance for it is less than my daughter’s and husband’s), the snot in our heads just the bubbling mud pot at Jellystone. Sour cream and softer cheeses will do it if I have too much. The harder the cheese, the less it affects me/us.

      Dr. Google tells me dairy consumption creating sinus congestion is a myth, but then clarifies that it is a milk allergy. So, splitting hairs, but whatever. When I was a strict low-carber back in the day and active in the online community, withdrawing from drinking milk for a time, then going back to it and suffering adverse side effects (see above) was a sure sign of an allergy.

      So take that for what it’s worth, which is that this is the lived experience of me and three people I know and how dare you question my lived experience!!!1

      • wchipperdove

        OK, thanks. Not sure it applies to my situation exactly. But every bit of information goes into the hopper.

    • Rhywun

      Nice! In a completely different vein here is one of mine.

      • Mojeaux

        A thread of uplifting songs!

        Number One

        *lights Tres Cool signal*

      • Rhywun

        That guy has a lot of teeth.

      • MikeS

        *starts to write bad joke*

        *erases it*

      • MikeS

        *starts to write extremely snarky comment about said singing duo*

        *erases it*

      • Gender Traitor

        You might enjoy this.

      • PudPaisley

        True story. One time while camping on acid I skinned a 3.5-4 foot long Pine Snake that was still moving the whole time. The head had been run over, but the body kept moving for a couple hours until we threw it in the lake.

        We were camping at a remote campground in Upper Michigan. Right after the acid really kicked in, an old guy named Toival, who was the only other person at the lake, came over and asked me to skin the snake so he could make hisself a belt. Since I was a colly student, he figured I’d know how. My brother and a friend held it while I skinned it. Then we played with it while it slithered through our hands with no skin. It was a great start to a long and memorable day and night.

      • CPRM

        +1 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime!

      • slumbrew

        Fuck those commies

      • MikeS
      • slumbrew

        That’s fantastic.

      • Gender Traitor

        Just read the text exchange. That’s hilarious!

      • Plinker762

        When models/performers climb on cars I cringe.

  16. Mojeaux

    Bringing it over here, but it’s an open thread, so buzz off.

    @GT

    I’m trying to “deprogram” myself from the dogma of the cult you’ve described

    To be honest, and I admitted this to JATNAS, I am not deprogrammed. Not at all. When I still wince when someone says I’m a “published author,” it means I do not recognize that my publishing myself is legitimate.

    Why the hell do people limit themselves this way – and seek to limit others?

    It’s all marketing. Firstly, humans have a pattern to what they like. There’s a sweet spot and they are not told so much as shown. For instance (and I think CRPM will appreciate this), this is the story of how OutKast got “Hey Ya” to get played on radio.

    When industry folks heard Hey ya, they liked it and thought it would become a huge hit. But when the data came in about listeners across radio stations, a huge number of listeners tuned out within the first thirty seconds itself. What went wrong? […] The problem wasn’t that Hey ya was bad. The problem was that it wasn’t familiar. So radio stations used the trick of sandwiching Hey ya between familiar hit songs to mitigate risk.

    So publishers publish to this sweet spot, and then they have to have a place on the shelves to put it. Now, don’t blame them. Readers are looking for specific things and as indie publishing has grown, their specificity has gotten into micro and nanospecificity.

    This is where listings on Amazon (“I Was Born Ruined: A Reverse Harem Motorcycle Club Romance [Death By Daybreak Motorcycle Club Book 1]”) (the trifecta would’ve had the word “bully” added to it, but that is implicit in “motorcycle club”) and trigger warnings become marketing tools: “Warning: This book contains war, erotic asphyxiation, bad words, lots of death and destruction, flaming ships, and telling King George III to go fuck himself.”

    People want precise things and they don’t know that they might want something else until they trip over it and say, “Oh, hey! Yeah, but… What do I call it? How do I sell it to my friends other than ‘Hey, you gotta read this here book’?”

    I tell people I write soap opera books. That usually gets the point across.

    The hardest part for me about letting go of the traditional publishing dogma is the idea that acceptance by those “gatekeepers” is somehow validation of the quality of your writing.

    More than a few of the 70s and 80s authors started because they were bored, they picked up a book, read it, and thought, “I can do better than this.” Johanna Lindsey, Janet Dailey, Kathleen Woodiwiss–for starters.

    Quite honestly, I have no idea how Atlas Shrugged got published.

    I appreciate what you said above about the difficulty of finding helpful critiques of one’s work, which is why I’m so grateful for the feedback you and UCS have so generously offered to what little I’ve written so far. When it comes from people whose writing I admire and enjoy

    I thought of something when I read this part.

    Glibs are an extraordinarily brilliant, learned, savvy, and skilled bunch of people. Somehow we all got here and we gather more. Why? Because like will to like.

    You could ask ANY Glib to critique you and you would get a solid critique whether they are writers or not (or whether they think they are or not) because they are learned, experienced, and widely read. I don’t know another place online anymore where you can find that.

    Take you, for instance. You didn’t need me or anybody else to produce the work you presented to me. You have natural storytelling ability and your command of the language is excellent. You’re wise and experienced enough to know/feel how to synthesize that without having to have your hand held. You did it on your own because you’re talented and you know how to draw the skill to yourself.

    Can’t wait for the next installment!

    The next installment is likely to be a straight pros/cons table of self-publishing, before I get back to the saga. Because with me, EVERYTHING is a saga.

    • commodious spittoon

      trigger warnings become marketing tools

      Did trigger warnings originate this way and were aped by Tumblrinas and college students, or the other way around? Because I like the idea of capitalism co-opting obnoxious social justice fads.

      • DEG

        I think it was the other way around – tumblrinas and college students started them.

      • Mojeaux

        Other way around. Capitalism co-opted it because invariably, what one person finds objectionable about a book, another has a taste for it. A well-written bad review is just as good as a good review because it tells the reader exactly what they want to know: What’s in the book.

        If a trigger warning says: “This book contains a May-December romance, power imbalance between a professor/boss and a student/employee, forced seduction, and an asshole alpha with an untreated mental illness and oh by the way he’s a lawyer” I am buying that book, no questions asked. I don’t even have to read the summary or see the cover.

      • Gender Traitor

        Just think how many records Tipper Gore helped to sell!

      • Mojeaux

        Right?!

      • commodious spittoon

        an asshole alpha with an untreated mental illness and oh by the way he’s a lawyer

        Michael Avenatti?

      • Mojeaux

        No.

        The rule is: Be attractive. Don’t be unattractive.

        It’s a romance novel. “Attractive” is implicit. Nay, mandatory.

      • straffinrun

        That is genius. TW: You are the authoritarian cunte in my story.
        May as well fuck with the censorious assholes.

        *”You being the censorious assholes, not MJ*

      • JD is Unemployed

        Do you read any of the Mills & Boon series?

    • Spudalicious

      How dare you shit all over my open post!!!

    • Jarflax

      Meh, if you get house published it means some editor, who is theoretically a “credentialed judge” liked your writing well enough to risk a few bucks on it. It is validation and humans love validation. The thing is if your self published work sells at a reasonable rate, and above all if you have repeat customers you are factually succeeding as a writer. The editor, if they are doing their job as opposed to being a pretentious twit, is supposed to be acting as a filter so that only writers who will sell at a reasonable rate and above all have repeat customers get house dollars spent putting out their books.

      • commodious spittoon

        What’s the economics behind publishing vanity authors like Hillary or Michelle Obama? I refuse to believe enough people buy that pap to make good on the advance, printing, and promotions. Do the publishers really make money? Or is to purely vanity? Are copies really bought in bulk and warehoused to make sure a title qualifies for NYT Bestseller status?

      • Mojeaux

        Do the publishers really make money? […] Are copies really bought in bulk and warehoused to make sure a title qualifies for NYT Bestseller status?

        I’m not really ever sure what to believe with those things, but publishers have a Hollywood-style accounting system and the NYT bestseller list algorithm is murky at best. It’s not straightforward and it doesn’t account for returns.

        I could believe that the publishers make (some/a little) money. I could also believe, with the sleights of hand that publishers do, that they buy them in bulk and warehouse them.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Or connected donors that would like to make a personal contribution to their friends.

      • Jarflax

        An awful lot of copies of those sort of books get bought in bulk and handed out by Companies and Non-profits. There are also a lot of party loyalists who will buy the books either out of team loyalty or genuine admiration for the political figure. I suspect the occasional debacle happens but I also suspect that more often than not the house makes money.

        I don’t really know about Bestseller lists. I suspect unless you work for a big house or agency you will never know everything that goes into that scam, but they aren’t based around actual sales numbers, and there are numerous people offering paid assistance in gaming the system to get your book on the list.

      • UnCivilServant

        “Bestseller” lists are “Books the editors of this publication like or were pressured into including” Ignore them.

      • commodious spittoon

        Jonah Goldberg talked about it in an episode. Part of their figgerin comes from book sales out of brick-and-mortar stores… in New York. And not just any book store, but the boutique (read: leftist) heritage book stores.

        He recounted an episode long ago in which his mother, Lucianne Goldberg, walked into one such establishment and asked about something she’d recently had published. The clerk sneered and asked why she thought they’d carry that dreck.

        Oh yes, a very reliable sampling of bookshelf fodder for the literatti.

      • wchipperdove

        Among conspiracy theorists, there’s a pet theory that big-dollar book deals and things like the big Netflix payout to the Obamas is some kind of money-laundered quid pro quo – a payment for previous loyalty or services rendered to bigger fish, administered thru the publisher or big media conglomerate.

      • commodious spittoon

        I’ve heard that the fine expensive art scene is effectively a legal tax shielding operation, and in fact represents an off-the-books tabulation of money owed/favors owed between very wealthy individuals through their intermediaries.

        I probably read that here, and I absolutely butchered the idea.

      • Mojeaux

        I have heard (also don’t know where) that fine art is a money laundering operation.

        That would explain Pollock.

      • UnCivilServant

        On Glibs for sure at least. Not sure where else you wander, but it’s turned up in these comments.

  17. Shpip

    Had a New Holland Dragon’s Milk after dinner tonight. Contemplating whether to have a highball of bourbon and Cheerwine, or simply going to bed early.

    • DEG

      That’s a good beer.

    • MikeS

      Drink!

      • CPRM

        Always the right answer, unless you’re at work (and sometimes even then)

    • Spudalicious

      Good beer. Bourbon.

    • straffinrun

      We go from “Busch” “Schlitz” “Pabst” “Bud” to all the fruity names that wouldn’t be suitable for a gay racehorse. Kids these days. *SMDH*

      • Pope Jimbo

        How about Spaghett as a compromise. Has a semi-sissy name, but is made with good old High Life.

        I’m about to go make one for myself right now

      • straffinrun

        *Deletes homophobic reply*

        You drink that with your eyes opened or closed?

      • Rhywun

        I would try that, without hesitation.

      • straffinrun

        Rhy, have we reached the point of enlightenment where we get to make fun of gays for sucking dick and they get to mock us for eating pussy. IOW, are we close to fulfilling MLK’s dream?

      • straffinrun

        I’m saying that oral sex is inherently funny.

      • slumbrew

        I’m saying that oral sex is inherently funny.

        FIFY

      • straffinrun

        Not the way I do it. Sad is a better description.

      • Mojeaux

        And gross.

        I mean, if we’re being honest here.

      • straffinrun

        Funny and gross is my fetish.

      • wchipperdove

        The *idea* of it is funny, the concept: putting your mouth on somebody else’s no-no region.

        I’ll spare everyone my usual brag about how good at it I am. (For the ladies only, sorry.)

      • Mojeaux

        no-no region

        I chuckled.

      • slumbrew

        Same. It looks good.

        I already like the High Life.

      • Rhywun

        I was thinking I could class it up with the Campari and Spaten I have on hand. Might not be as “refreshing”, though.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Wait…are you me? I just had that a couple of hours ago at Slater 50/50

  18. Mojeaux

    Okay, Glibbies. Name time.

    Female, ~950 A.D., French, nun (I don’t know yet if she was noble before becoming a nun)
    Story involves Lucifer, Mephistopheles, and other random demons.

    Adélaïde Desmarais
    Noëlle Vannier
    Fabienne Rousseau
    Solène Hébras
    Ghislaine Boucher

    Suggestions welcome.

    • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

      I was going to suggest Adelaide before I even got down to the list of names.

    • MikeS

      Trixxxie Johnson

      • UnCivilServant

        This is a nunnery not a nunnery.

      • Mojeaux

        *wild applause*

      • UnCivilServant

        I was unsure how many people would get that.

      • Mojeaux

        I had a line in a book that referenced a nunnery as a whorehouse.

        “With very few exceptions, the longest amount of time I have ever
        dated any man is about eight hours, spread over three dates, at the end
        of which the man said, ‘Get thee to a nunnery,’ and when I informed
        him that meant ‘whorehouse,’ he said, ‘Good. You’ll starve to death before
        you get any work.’”

      • UnCivilServant

        I heard the euphemism in the context of a discussion on Hamlet.

      • Mojeaux

        Yes. It is from Hamlet, which is one of my pet schticks.

    • commodious spittoon

      Ghislaine seems freighted.

      • Rhywun

        Maybe she’s in hiding too.

      • commodious spittoon

        But why would the CIA exist in ~950 A.D.?

      • Rhywun

        The real question is why wouldn’t the CIA exist in ~950 A.D.

      • UnCivilServant

        The real question is why you’re fixated on a culinary school.

      • Rhywun

        Because I’m fighting the urge to snack on something right now. I just tossed a bag of disgusting “pita chips” that I thought might make a good late night snack so #winning I guess.

      • UnCivilServant

        I need a real dinner.

        I also need sleep.

        Not sure which I should prioritize.

      • commodious spittoon

        The CIA invented the *whatever plague was of course rampaging through Europe around 950 A.D.* and used it to keep the black people out.

    • Rhywun

      Adélaïde

      Akin to German Adelheid which gave us Heidi. God bless Wikipedia.

    • CPRM

      Bob.

      • commodious spittoon
      • MikeS

        Bob

      • MikeS

        Dude. She genuinely wants our advice on this. Give her some respect and take it seriously.

        SMDH

        Sorry about CPRM, Mo’.

      • Mojeaux

        LOL, it’s okay. Thank you, though. 🙂

      • MikeS

        That means you’re using “Trixxxie Johnson”, doesn’t it?

        Squeeee!

      • Mojeaux

        Yes. Yes, I am.

        I have decided on Trixxxie Johnson.

      • Jarflax

        Looks like Adelaide might be too modern. This is kind of interesting.

      • Jarflax

        I suggest Thorette!

      • commodious spittoon

        Peter May jumping back and forth between 20th century Canada and 18th century Scotland is pretty jarring, but this, I think this scans.

      • Mojeaux

        This is kind of interesting.

        The names on that site are user-submitted and I’m not always sure I should trust them.

      • Jarflax

        Research tour of Medieval French churches!

      • Rhywun

        Jar:

        Neat. I’m reminded of the pre-Christian German names. Brunhilde and Waltraut, Udo and Volker, etc.

      • CPRM

        pre-Christian German names…Udo

        A pagan for sure.

      • Jarflax

        Well in 950 you’re only a touch over a century from Charlemagne, so it isn’t surprising that there is a strong overlap.

      • Mojeaux

        Research tour of Medieval French churches!

        That would be a great write-off, but I can’t front it.

      • Jarflax

        I am also pretty sure that surnames were not a thing at the time. My understanding is that they died out after Rome fell and didn’t make a comeback until the latter Middle Ages.

      • Jarflax

        Yeah, that is always the problem with using the prospect of a deduction to justify foolish spending 🙂 I have noticed that when I read authors discussing actual in person live research it tends to be “Researching on the ground in Monaco” or “Researching sport fishing in the Gulf” a lot more than “Researching leper hospitals in Calcutta”

      • Rhywun

        CPRM:

        I am not familiar with that movie but it looks like it might be fun. I mean, Nazis on the moon.

      • CPRM

        Rhy, it is in fact a whole load of fun.

      • Jarflax

        There you go.

      • CPRM

        I am also pretty sure that surnames were not a thing at the time.

        I would guess that would depend on witch region of France and the family standing.

      • Jarflax

        Maybe, but that wasn’t really true in England at that time. It was largely an Illiterate culture and not very mobile or populous so there was less need for surnames to demonstrate family membership or to distinguish. You’d more often see descriptors Pepin the Mad or Lame Wat kind of things rather than surnames that were shared by the whole family.

      • CPRM

        But we are talking France. And sure a family name might be less common, but descriptor last names were, as you stated Pépin le Bref…Charles Martel, for better known figures.

      • Mojeaux

        Being a nun, there is a good chance she is a noble’s daughter, too.

        Just to throw a monkey in that wrench.

      • Jarflax

        Even nobles had place names not family names “of Savoy” etc. Pick a cool sounding town or region 🙂 Lol, of course then you can go down the rabbit hole of 10th century towns, counties and duchies.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Eh, i don’t know what’s a common name for 900s France, but all of those sound too modern, both in the names and use of two names. But maybe it works better for making it accessible for the target readership?

      • Mojeaux

        I’m not married to any of them and I do want to get it right according to the time period. Your observation is well taken and I’ve noted it on my worksheet.

    • Charles Easterly

      Mojeaux,

      I hope to look in tomorrow.
      What do you want your readers to infer/understand by the names that you want us currently here to choose?

      There is also this: Is it important that the name which you are seeking to use, to, for lack of a better term, “pre-describes” the character you have created for your readership?

      Cannot her words, actions. et cetera “name” her over the time of what we read?

      • CPRM

        There is also this: Is it important that the name which you are seeking to use, to, for lack of a better term, “pre-describes” the character you have created for your readership?

        I use this, but only in my satire writing. But it can lead to some names that sound good.

      • Mojeaux

        What do you want your readers to infer/understand by the names that you want us currently here to choose?

        I’m not sure yet. I can’t give her a placeholder name (like “Mary”) because that will stick in my head whether I like it or it’s appropriate or not. I don’t generally name my characters according to their personalities or place in the story. I have one, Cassie, who could be seen as the Greek prophet Cassandra, but you’d have to stretch it.

        Very often I just choose names based on how “pretty” I think they look on the page. I rarely even say them aloud before I slap them on the characters.

        I use too many names that begin with “E,” “N (Kn),” “V,” and “G.” I use “L” and “C” a lot for secondary and tertiary names. I don’t mean to do that. It just happens.

        She would have had another name before she became a nun, so I don’t know what to do about that.

        This list is just what I came up with that I liked (and that I haven’t used before). There’s no real rhyme nor reason to them.

      • CPRM

        If you want to go this route, use a combination of translation sites and name meaning sites. Like try putting the words ‘pretty’ and ‘woman’ into them and sometimes you’ll come up with a good sounding name.

      • commodious spittoon

        I vote Lisette.

      • Mojeaux

        I like it, but I used it already (for a tertiary character), as well as Genevieve.

      • CPRM

        Jolie La Donna. Jolie (French for pretty) La (makes it sound foreign and ‘the’ in many romance languages) Donna (Corrsican for woman)

      • Mojeaux

        That is a good idea, but after some (very) brief research, it appears that is an Americanism and there is little history of French naming their girls that. Well, there is very little history of the name at all, so…

      • commodious spittoon

        Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie
        Je t’en supplie, ne prends pas mon homme

      • CPRM

        But; you can than morph it. I’m sure Juliet is an English derivative, probably more of the same to come up with in french history, if you want to be precise.

      • Mojeaux

        I don’t think “Dolly” will work, either.

      • Rhywun

        I agree with someone above – just make sure the name is plausible for that time and place.

      • Festus

        Miette

      • commodious spittoon

        Funny, Charles Easterly is what she named the English bloke.

    • Mojeaux

      More info: Our girl is a nun at what is now Maredret Abbey near Denée in what is now Belgium. (Been there, so I have a good picture in my head.) Maredret Abbey is relatively new, so it can’t be called that.

      Now, I originally wrote the prospectus of this story in 1993 so I didn’t have a lot of detail about either character. I knew I wanted her to be from that area, and the dude from Spain.

      Anyway. That is where she is from. She speaks French, not Flemish or Dutch.

      • Jarflax

        I wonder if there are any convent records still extant? here is a list of the Queens consort of France, it should give at least a sampling

      • commodious spittoon

        I knew I wanted her to be from that area, and the dude from Spain

        It’s all about sex for you, isn’t it? How’d you feel about Half-Cocked Jack and Liza touring the market at Antwerp? It wasn’t about sex between them. Not very, anyway.

      • Jarflax

        Adelheid of Lotharangia

      • Jarflax

        And you are setting your book in an interesting time for that region, since Lotharangia ceased to exist in 959 and became Lorraine, Lower Lorraine (which is Belgium/Netherlands) and Swabia. And I am going to bed, because I get entirely to interested in this history and need to not stay up all night tracing the evolution from Francia under Charlemagne to modern day Europe.

      • Mojeaux

        Thank you very mich! You have been very helpful.

        I will think of a place (sur)name for her and/or a characteristic (sur)name.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Was French a distinct language of the 900’s, or a bunch of different dialects of varying communality?

        You have the Frankish (Germanic) kingdoms falling apart into dukedoms ruling over natives. I’m not sure what the peasants were naming themselves but the Frankish nobility had English or maybe better English sounding names that descended to us now (Robert, Hugh, Herbert, Eleanor, Marie, Charles, Henry, Emma, Beatrice, Richard, etc).

      • Tejicano

        Before the Protestant Reformation most European languages (French among them) had many variants depending on location, often changing from one village to the next. Generally speaking, Latin was the only written or printed language. All this changed after one could worship in a local language which somewhat forced the printer to choose one local dialect over others when printing a bible. This accelerated ascendency of a few major dialects/languages over many dozens of languages which had been spoken before.

      • Ted S.

        Nitpick: Flemish and Dutch are not separate languages. And in the period you’re writing about, it would have been Old Dutch.

    • Mojeaux

      Adelaide it is.

      Now, for a place/characteristic name.

      • MikeS

        ?

  19. Spudalicious

    Gaaah!!! Sadly, I’m not in an understanding, tolerant mood tonight. Now I feel like a dick.

    • MikeS

      Whatever I did, I apologize.

    • Gender Traitor

      Wassamatter, bunky?

    • Mojeaux

      Oh, I’m sorry. From what I glean from the few details you share, this doesn’t happen often, and you are otherwise a saint. Things happen.

      FWIW from a distant observer.

      • Spudalicious

        It’s been a difficult couple of weeks. I’ve taken on more chores, because reasons. It’s after dinner on a Friday night, I’m finally off duty. Tears ensue, because I’m not paying enough attention to my dog.

        “I am, and I can’t do much more because I can’t leave you alone for more than an hour.”

        More tears, “I had no idea I was that bad”.

        “We have this discussion about once a month.”

        Takes a shower. Crawls into my lap and proceeds to babble incoherently for half an hour. I finally say, “you need to go to bed”.

        I feel like a dick.

      • slumbrew

        You’re a good man, Spud.

      • commodious spittoon

        Yes.

      • Gender Traitor

        Please don’t feel bad. It sounds to me as if she was sundowning, so I’d think encouraging her to go to bed may have been the best course.

      • MikeS

        You shouldn’t feel like a dick. You are a good man dealing with something most of us could never understand. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Have a glass of rye and chill with us for a bit.

      • Rhywun

        🙁

      • Mojeaux

        Aw. You don’t need to feel like a dick for that.

      • SP

        Sorry, Spud. It just all sucks.

      • Jarflax

        Not to be a contrarian, but:

        You have a right to your feelings of frustration and pressure, you are in a position that is simply going to overwhelm your patience and poise sometimes. You also are going to feel like a dick when you express that impatience. It is ok to feel bad about this, it was also ok to do it. Life sure as hell is imperfect. You seem to be doing better than most would.

      • Mojeaux

        Not to be a contrarian

        Yeah, leave that to Hyperbole.

      • The Hyperbole

        I am not a contrarian!

      • Festus

        Jesus. I hope my suspicions re: Wifey are unfounded. Sounds like a living nightmare, Bud. I don’t recall this shit happening even 3-4 decades ago. Glibs love you and will support you even with empty platitudes.

    • SP

      That’s because…. (filling in for the already-asleep OMWC)

  20. CPRM

    Mike’s, I think I answered your query re: the NAP above.

    • MikeS

      Yeah. Your quote definitely helps drive it home. I’m no expert here, but it certainly seems like on would be expected to be at least familiar with, if not an adherent of, the NAP long before one attained the position of president of one of the leading libertarian foundations.

      • slumbrew

        Yes, it’s shocking that he hadn’t even heard of it.

      • Rhywun

        Now that I think of it, I don’t recall hearing it specifically named by any of the poo-bahs at TOS. Only in the comments.

      • MikeS

        And I guess that’s where I was going with my question; is it something we here (and over there in the before days) talk about much more than “mainstream” libertarians? I’m just too new, and too happy here in my Glibs bubble, to know how widespread the concept of the NAP is.

        I know, I know…what the hell is a “mainstream libertarian”. Anyone feel free to define that term, while we’re at it.

      • Tejicano

        Well, looking at where TOS is and where it seems to be heading somehow it doesn’t surprise me that one of the main actors over there isn’t well versed in either Libertarian or libertarian thoughts and ideals. It’s like they bought a bottle of whiskey for the reputation and the label art but never took a taste.

      • CPRM

        Libertarian hipsters? Then surely one of them would sport the Fonzi look ‘ironically’…

      • Tejicano

        That would only work if they were a) aware of what they were trying to pretend to be, and b) skilled enough to pull it off. I don’t see either of those happening.

      • CPRM

        Yeah, though I’d considered myself little L libertarian for years, it was around the time I actually started reading some of the stuff around 07 that I listened to that Rothbard book as an audiobook. Might have been the first ever purely political book I’d ever delved into. I came away disagreeing with some stuff he said, but the NAP wasn’t one of those things.

  21. UnCivilServant

    Logically, in my head, I know that little fuedal wars of no more than a few hundred combatants happened with relative regularity and made minor manoral changes between fees.

    I keep thinking it would make an entertaining story to tell, but deep down, the irrational part of my brain sees wars as mobilizing every fucking thing you’ve got to grind the enemy under heel and go for complete debellation so that they can’t challenge you again later.

    So I’m trying to resolve this conflict between impressions of conflict where I know repeat wars against the same foes was a common fixture of much of history, and the instinct to remove the enemy utterly as a threat.

    • CPRM

      Most wars through out history were more wars of politics which ended once one side lost or the other got what they wanted. It’s only with Empires that you get wars of attrition.

    • Mojeaux

      If you look at it like a transaction it’s easier. For instance, knights didn’t actually get killed too much. They got captured and ransomed. Killing a war horse was even more serious than killing a knight because it was a valuable piece of equipment.

      • hayeksplosives

        “knights didn’t actually get killed too much.”

        So they’re only mostly dread?

        Now let’s not bicker about who killed who…

      • hayeksplosives

        Mostly dead.

        FML

      • UnCivilServant

        “Mostly dread” works too…

      • CPRM

        That pill looked like an Advil. Product Placement!

      • UnCivilServant

        I run into a problem where the character I’ve tentatively cast in the story had previously been captured and spent a significant time (months? Years?) as a slave-berzerker in a society where the wars were much more savage and lethal. Which doesn’t mesh well with the ruleset of fuedal wars.

      • UnCivilServant

        Hrmm… maybe I should just find someone else to use.

        Or should I contrast the “There are no rules in war” attitude with the chivalric ideal.

      • CPRM

        Like a Medieval king trying to control Conan, could be a fun story.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m thinking it would work best in third-person.

        That causes me a structural conundrum, since the framing device for this stories is that the guy in question is publishing his experiences, and they’re written in first person.

      • UnCivilServant

        Or… if there is still a part of the narrator who still holds some admiration or fascination with the ideal, and despises the fact that his instincts in battle have become so savage that people take him seriously when he threatens to string someone up by their own entrails.

      • Jarflax

        How self aware do you want the character to appear in his memoirs? Because you could have some real humor as Barbarian guy relates interactions with the people trying to explain that chopping off everyone’s head is not the done thing, if you made him a bit thick.

      • CPRM

        Go the Marco Polo route, the author has it dictated to him by the first person in a prison cell or some such.

      • UnCivilServant

        He’s anything but thick. He grew up civilized, is a Master of Natural Philosophy of Karststadt University, but was captured and spent that time as a battle thrall in this foreign land. The fact that he’s somewhere from 6′-4″ to 6′-6″ and hits like a freight train is entirely separate.

      • Jarflax

        Then could you have him ruminate on the changes to himself as he reencounters the ‘civilized’ world?

      • UnCivilServant

        “It’s strange. Some times, when you punch a man’s lights out, instead of an enemy, you gain a friend. Poor little Armand had expected a duel with swords when he’d challenged me. To his credit, he didn’t back down when I picked bare fists. He still didn’t stand a chance, but showed up and fought. Whatever vitriol he’d had before was now spent, and we had an unspoken understanding.”

      • Tejicano

        One of the points which I believe would be pertinent to such a character would be understanding the relative merits and demerits of the different weapons used in the culture of his birth – to which he had returned – vs those of the culture he was forced to fight in. He would know when a heavy broadsword would be best – or when it could be bested by something lighter and faster.

      • Sean

        My mind went straight to Groo the wanderer at a reference point. Though it’s been a long time since I’ve read any.

    • Charles Easterly

      UnCivil,

      May I recommend Hans Delbrück’s History of the Art of War?

      The books may require a degree of concentration and, I think, much reflection, yet I believe that you and others who post herein are capable of gaining some useful insight.

      Although my suggestion is for you in particular, other aspiring authors who post here may find Herr Delbrück’s works very useful.

      “From the eighth century through the Middle Ages feudalism determined the nature of European warfare. Medieval Warfare begins in the time of Charlemagne, who maintained a military system of freemen and of vassals bound to him in service for lands granted in fief. These pages are crowded with recreations of famous events like the Battle of Hastings and movements like the Crusades; with the brightest flowers of knighthood, and with the mercenary grandeur of Byzantium. Hans Delbrück shows how feudal military organization varied in different countries and why the knightly forces could not hold up against the barbarous Normans. He studies military developments in the kingdoms that rose with the collapse of the Carolingian Empire, as well as the trend toward mercenary armies. When the Swiss peasants, forming the first true infantry, defeated the Burgundian knights in the fourteenth century, the era of modern warfare had begun.”

      • Jarflax

        When the Swiss peasants, forming the first true infantry,

        I hear faintly the clash of armor as Legions and Phalanxes drag themselves from their rest and form up to protest.

  22. hayeksplosives

    I’m late to the party, so Yusef, I’m praying for you and Wendy.

    Safe travels!

  23. Gustave Lytton

    Well this blows. Power went out about 90 minutes ago. It’s warmer than it’s been so I don’t need to run the generator and it’s close to bedtime anyhow. I guess I’ll watch movies on a tablet since internet service went down as well. (there’s one-two bars of 3G cellular for the wise asses)

    • Gustave Lytton

      And it’s back.

  24. Chafed

    I just saw a commercial for Trumpy Bear. JFC. We are so stupid.

    • Rhywun

      ^flyover denizen confirmed

      • Chafed

        I’m currently in Las Vegas so it looks like you’re right.

      • Festus

        Earth Shoes and Pet Rocks were quite the item back in the 70’s. People are dumb and probably growing dumber as we speak. Grown-ass men walking around in clogs was a “thing” for an instant. Polyester anything ( I can still smell my own sweat forty-five years on).

    • Festus

      “Usedta” resemble one of the Vargas girls from up top. Apparently had a stormy upbringing and life dealt her pocket deuces, like us all. Like us all. She’s whacky but harmless.

  25. Gustave Lytton

    Finally looked at the previous bottle of cough syrup. The dosage has doubled from 10ml to 20ml for the same active ingredient amount. So they’ve basically thinned it out and I’m drinking more filler. Gee, I wonder why that would be. Another phony crisis.

    • Festus

      “Won’t anyone think of the Gustaves?” I don’t need pain meds (yet) but when I was last in hospital they changed mine up just to be cuntes. Valium is not my friend, bitch.

    • Sean

      “Now with extra hydration!”

  26. Festus

    Back into the fray on the 16th. Not happy about this but if I put it off now it’ll be another three years waiting for what should have been done in 2002. Judging by the last time and the treatment received therein I’ll be zombie-walking out of there as soon as I’m ambulatory. Fucking surgery wing sounded like a high school hallway. It was not the patients raising a ruckus, it was the fucking staff. Overflow from the psych ward didn’t help. Fuck those nurses for being mean to me.

    • Festus

      I also have a funny reaction to anesthesia. When I come out I cry like a baby. What do I see on the other side? One of our Glibs is an expert. Is this common?

    • Lackadaisical

      I was perusing the office of professions enforcement actions against licensed professionals. Probably 2/3 actions are taken against nurses, maybe there’s just that many of them, but I’m not convinced. *

      Mostly it’s drunk driving, stealing from patients, falsifying records, and stealing prescription meds.

      *there are 800k professional engineers for example, and only 2.4 million nurses. But most months not a single engineer was punished while there’d bve several pages pod nurses being caught

  27. straffinrun

    straffinline of the Middle East for the past two decades:

    *Axis of Ebil declared. Iranquorea will leave Manhattan with a giant mushroom tattoo on it’s face if we don’t go get’em.

    *Hands full with Afghanistan, the US gathers all the tribal leaders for a Loya Jirgoff. Great! Now we can get to some shockin’ and awin’ in Baghdad. For 9/11, Ragheads! Saudia Arabia raises a finger in protest at the racism, but decides instead to piss himself laughing.

    *A giant rave is held in Lollafallujah. Strobes, lasers and kickin’ bass keep the party hoppin’ all night. Massive hangovers abound the next morning.

    *”WTF are you looking at?” the US asks Libya. Libya blinks. “Me? Nothing. You wanna stop and frisk me for a nuclear program again?”. The US declines. “How about a bayonet up your poop chute?”

    *Back in Iraq, while totes respecting Iraq’s sovereignty, the US builds a modern day Ziggurat in the center of Baghdad with a neon sign flashing, “American Embassy”

    *”WTF are you looking at?” the US asks another dipshit. Assad gives the pouty expression indicating there is no way to answer that question without getting his ass kicked. Pallets of arms and cash are dropped into areas filled with desperately poor, religious zealots harboring ancient religious rivalries. Toyota trucks race each other towards the booty, photo ops with John MCain slowing a few teams down.

    *The Ziggurat gets decked out with cool AF weaponry.

    *Saudia Arabia asks Yemen, “WTF are you looking at?” US overhears this and sends Saudi Arabia some hi tech weapons to find out exactly WTF Yemen is looking at.

    *An inkblot starts oozing across random areas in Syria and Iraq. Russia, Iran and the US decide not to ask each other, “WTF are you looking at?” in an historic unspoken alliance. Syria adds that he, indeed, doesn’t like that inkblot, either. The US backhands Syria with, “STFU, Donnie!”

    *Another Royal Jirgoff is held in Afghanistan. Goats take a breather.

    *An orange man declares victory over the inkblot. The Kurds roll their eyes, but can’t say much because of Turkey and Erred Again.

    *The Ziggurat, for some reason, isn’t drawing the admiration of the people it looms over. Iran, standing proudly on a giant pile of shit, points at the Ziggurat. “That’s the source of your oppression!” A group of Qud suckers lead the mob to attack the Ziggurat.

    *Orange man takes out the top Qud sucker with a Qud-buster missile. The Qud sucker proxies close ranks and declare they will turn day into night for the orange man. And if that isn’t possible, they will turn 8am into 2:45pm. You don’t want that, do ya?!

    During all of this, the loyal opposition in the US is focused, mesmerized you could say, with Ukraine and tranny cock. WTF are you looking at?

    • JD is Unemployed

      Qud sucker proxies

      Sublime.

    • Lackadaisical

      Great synopsis, only complaint is the use of ‘ an historic’ thought you were American.