IFLA: The “Almost Normal” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of March 8

by | Mar 8, 2020 | Advice, IFLA | 145 comments

Beats Orion exploding, eh?

The good news:  MERCURY RETROGRADE is almost over.  The bad news:  the fucker has one nasty last trick to play.  Astrological effects are always more pronounced when crossing signs.  Right before Mercury goes station direct, it will be crossing over to Aquarius.  So whatever you do, stay off of boats and out of the ocean until Tuesday.

Last week, the advice was to stay at home and ride things out.  This week the planets have shifted so that MERCURY RETROGRADE and the moon are aligned with the Earth.  So for the first part of this week, home will be the locus of misfortune.  Another shift is the migration of Venus from Aries into Taurus, with the accompanying benefits to androphiles. Going to parties in encouraged by the moon in Leo.

There is one last thing that needs a bit of unpacking and apologizing on my part.  Jupiter, Saturn and Mars have all been in Capricorn for a while now.  I had been explaining that it was a good time to plot against your enemies.  This was true.  What I hadn’t done is pay attention to how Mars was moving and realize that it was leading up to THIS WEEK being the time to put those plots into action, with next week being the time to deal with fallout and counterstrikes. But better late than never I guess.

So many reversed Major Arcanas this week — MERCURY RETROGRADE is going out with a bang.

Pisces:  5 of Cups – Loss but something remains, inheritance, patrimony, transmission but not corresponding to expectations

Aries:  5 of Swords reversed – Degradation, destruction, revocation, infamy, dishonor, loss

Taurus:  8 of Cups –  The decline of a matter, or that a matter which has been thought to be important is really of slight consequence, abandonment, starting over

Gemini:  Strength – Power, energy, action, courage, magnanimity, complete success

Cancer:  King of Wands – Dark man, friendly, countryman, generally married, honest and conscientious. Honesty.

Leo:  7 of Wands reversed – Perplexity, embarrassments, anxiety

Virgo:  The Hanged Man reversed – Selfishness, the crowd, body politic

Libra:  Temperance – Economy, moderation, frugality, management, accommodation

Scorpio:  10 of Coins reversed – Chance, fatality, loss, robbery, games of hazard

Sagittarius:  The Star reversed – Arrogance, haughtiness, impotence

Capricorn:  The Hermit reversed – Concealment, disguise, policy, fear, unreasoned caution

Aquarius:  The High Priestess reversed – Passion, conceit, surface knowledge

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

145 Comments

  1. Don Escaped ORD

    Capricorn: The Hermit reversed – Concealment, disguise, policy, fear, unreasoned caution

    Pence will save me

    • Don Escaped ORD

      Gov Inslee (D-WA) on Face the Nation argues for central control, more federal government, taking over private labs, and nationalizing industry . . . to say nothing of restricting freedom of association and travel.

      They will not save a single life with these ruses. The Czar Pence nonsense is just as insidious.

      • Drake

        I spent a lot of years working with Six Sigma people who do nothing except continuously improve operarions in private labs. I’ll put any private lab they worked on against any goverment lab in the world – throughput, productivity, cost per test, turn around time, error rate, whatever measurement you want to use.

      • Don Escaped ORD

        Exactly right.

        My points are two:

        1/ the weasel words that Big Brother uses to take credit for private sector strides and foreshadow authoritarian moves

        b/ Trumpian moves along this same line: what can the Virus Czar do other than jawbone? What is the federal plan (not that there should be one at all).

      • R C Dean

        “whatever measurement you want to use.“

        Number of lactation rooms.

  2. westernsloper

    So for the first part of this week, home will be the locus of misfortune.

    Those in quarantine hardest hit!

    • hayeksplosives

      So will those bobbing along in quarantine ships.

      As if I needed another reason to stay off cruise ships.

      • MikeS

        Right?! This has pretty much sealed the deal for me regarding cruise ships; NEVER.

      • AlmightyJB

        The only cruise I’ve ever been really interested in is Alaska just because the coast is so stunning, but getting up and down it through the interior is not feasible. I don’t gamble, don’t like buffets, don’t like crowds, so the scenery is the only drawl for me. My desire to do that has gone down with each passing year. I’m pretty much at zero interested now as well.

      • Don Escaped ORD

        the scenery is the only drawl for me

        come cruise with the Vol Navy: we’ll all drawl for you

      • MikeS

        Haha. I missed that. Nice.

      • AlmightyJB

        We live Knoxville

      • AlmightyJB

        Love. Not live

      • Suthenboy

        I know a fella that dreams of kayaking down the Alaska coast all the way to CA. He asked my advice about it.

        “There are grizzlies that specialize in beach combing.”

        “Oh? What kind of gun should I buy?”

        “Canada doesn’t allow you to have a pistol. Your chances of getting eaten, even with a gun, is nearly 100%”

        Fortunately he has gotten too old now to commit suicide by bear.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Canada doesn’t allow you to have a pistol.

        Not quite true, but close enough. I have a cousin (by marriage) who runs a 200km trapline in northwest Alberta, and a Federal Order in Council (I believe) was passed in the last couple of years that allows trappers in particular to open carry whilst they’re in the bush. I think he carries a .45.

        The reasoning behind it was that, in dense undergrowth, swinging a long gun up and around to face a possible threat is difficult, bordering on impossible.

        As for other weapons: every year, someone gets attacked by a grizz in a provincial or national park, and almost invariably the Grizz gets shot by somebody carrying a 12 gauge loaded with deer slug. And yes, they get charged, ’cause it’s forbidden to carry a long gun in those parks. Doesn’t seem to stop people.

      • westernsloper

        A guy I work with left for a cruise on Fri. He said it was too late to cancel and get their money back so they went. I told him all cruises now are extended for two weeks for free so it really is a bargain to take a cruise right now.

  3. westernsloper

    Gemini: Strength – Power, energy, action, courage, magnanimity, complete success

    This can’t be right.

    • Tulip

      Suspiciously positive

      • westernsloper

        I don’t buy it for a minute.

    • whiz

      Alright, time to head to the casino.

  4. JD is Unemployed

    Frugality? Ah fuck I got some spending to do.

  5. UnCivilServant

    Damn, my fever didn’t break, it was suppressed by medicine. I’m back to 99.4

    • AlmightyJB

      You on antibiotics?

      • UnCivilServant

        No. Acetaminophen will bring down a fever.

      • AlmightyJB

        Well take care of yourself. Rest.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      It’s Ebolaids.

      Trust me, I’m a doctor.

      • AlmightyJB

        When those Mandrills bend over like that, what are supposed to do?

      • MikeS

        “Eat ass” is always the right answer, isn’t it?

      • AlmightyJB

        I larfed?

      • Chafed

        It is in this thread.

      • westernsloper

        HAGS

        Hepatitis, Aids, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis.

    • DEG

      Get well soon.

    • MikeS

      Is there s chance it’s the Kung Flu? Do you have plans to see a Dr. if your fever doesn’t break?

      Get better soon.

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s not. I am not the candidate to be the #1 or #2 case in the area.

  6. AlmightyJB

    Virgo: The Hanged Man reversed – Selfishness, the crowd, body politic

    Doesn’t resonate

    • sloopyinca

      On Wednesday, WJLA phoned a number listed in court documents for Robinson. A man answered, stated it was the wrong number and promptly ended the call.

      Why are people required to give a phone number to the court that becomes public record?

      • Ted S.

        Because fuck you, that’s why?

        Probably the same reason they release booking shots for non-cops.

  7. hayeksplosives

    Aries: 5 of Swords reversed – Degradation, destruction, revocation, infamy, dishonor, loss

    Well, it still beats “tomb” which is what I got right before heading into a terrible health week and hospital stay.

    • dbleagle

      About to head out to a boat race. Between Mercury and being an Aries I think we are going to break some equipment.

      FU Mercury! I hope you get another Caloris Impactor. Yeah, that’s right, I said it. Me and my man Roger will take your lunch money and give it to strippers in the name of free speech.

      • westernsloper

        Ha! Have a good race!

  8. Spudalicious

    “Libra: Temperance – Economy, moderation, frugality, management, accommodation”

    That sounds even more boring than my life actually is.

  9. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: The Star reversed – Arrogance, haughtiness, impotence

    Exce… Wait, what?

    • Spudalicious

      Sorry to hear about the limp dick, P.

      • AlmightyJB

        I’m just wondering how that would inspire haughtiness?

      • MikeS

        Maybe NA left off, “denial”?

      • peachy rex

        Maybe it’s the other way round – his arrogance and haughtiness will attract some smoking bimbo, but then performance anxiety will strike when it comes time to walk the walk.

  10. hayeksplosives

    Regarding Coronavirus, the headline says: “Dems twice as likely as Republicans to call imminent threat.”

    Is that because they are more prone to fearmongering, or they fervently hope to bring down Trump even if it means thousands of deaths?

    • Sean

      Yes.

    • MikeS

      It’s because they science harder than those redneck Rethuglicans.

    • RAHeinlein

      You forgot all that sweet government cash.

    • Hyperion

      Read the recent article at the Hill regarding Cuomo declaring a state of emergency in NY because of the virus. Don’t read the comments unless you want to witness every prog on there praying for a pandemic so that they can blame Trump. Just when you think they cannot be any more abhorrent, they prove that they can.

    • AlmightyJB

      When you’ve already been in freak out mode for 3 years because of who the President us, it’s not surprising you would be freaking out about this.

    • sloopyinca

      It’s the reverse of 9/11, when a majority of republicans were saying we should round up all the middle easterners and put them in camps or deport them.

      Tribes gonna tribe.

  11. MikeS

    Pisces: 5 of Cups – Loss but something remains, inheritance, patrimony, transmission but not corresponding to expectations

    So, my dad is going to give me a birthday present on Friday? The cards are really making bold predictions this week.

  12. leon

    I do want Kamala Harris called out for endorsing Joe Biden. She practically called him a racist in the first debated. Square that circle Pig.

    • Hyperion

      But he’s their racist! That makes it OK.

    • Drake

      Somebody should tell old Joe that she has put out for far less than a shot at VP or Cabinet job in the past.

  13. leon

    “Gemini: Strength – Power, energy, action, courage, magnanimity, complete success”

    Perfect. : Initiates operation put Leon in charge of the world:

    • AlmightyJB

      Let me know if you need any groupies to ride your coattails into supreme power.

      • leon

        Since I’m feeling uncharacteristically Magnanimous for some reason, you can come along.

      • AlmightyJB

        ?

    • Don Escaped ORD

      ZARDOZ hardest hit

    • AlmightyJB

      I like strips. I’ve been looking at the new XDms coming out.

      • Sean

        I have an abundance of polymer framed stuff. I’ve been trying to focus on more metal framed pistols these days.

      • Spudalicious

        My hiking piece is an XDM. It’s plastic, therefore soulless so I don’t mind if it gets banged up.

  14. Rebel Scum

    The High Priestess reversed

    Bow chicka wow wow.

    • westernsloper

      I am infamiliar with the “reverse Priestess”

      • AlmightyJB

        Reverse Cowgirl but on your face.

      • MikeS

        See! It’s always “eat ass”!

      • MikeS

        You bow down on your hands and knees to praise her and one of her body guards sneaks up and takes you from behind.

      • westernsloper

        I think Mike pegged it.

      • JD is Unemployed

        What you did there, I see it.

      • Shirley Knott

        What was done there was seen.
        And appreciated 😉

  15. hayeksplosives

    I had dopiaza chicken curry last night at a local Indian joint. They were not kidding about the heat level.

    Oh, so tasty though. Yum. Garlic naan, too. Will repeat.

    • westernsloper

      I am considering whooping up some naan today. Totally against the diet though so I might fight off the urge.

      • AlmightyJB

        I love Naan

      • Tres Cool

        Kroger carries a brand called ‘Stone Free’. I get it for Jugsy when I make chicken curry

      • sloopyinca

        After eating it, do you do what you please? Do you ride the breeze?

      • egould310

        I got it. Greetings from Seattle old pal.

      • sloopyinca

        Hello, dear friend! Hope y’all are enjoying the PNW!

  16. westernsloper

    It says:

    Due to political events in Pennsylvania & Virginia, we are currently backordered. Lead times are 1-4 weeks. We are shipping orders 24/7!

    on the top of a website I placed an order five days ago. I am bummed.

  17. Sean

    Gf returned from grocery shopping. Yup, panic buying is in effect at walmart. ?

    • MikeS

      I forget, Sean; whereabouts you at?

      • Sean

        Pennsylvania – Quakertown area.

    • Tres Cool

      I went to Sam’s yesterday morning, just to get 1 specific item. You shoulda seen the lines of carts loaded with toilet paper and paper towels

    • RAHeinlein

      Such a waste of Henry Cavill.

    • Not an Economist

      The story jumped around in time without telling you so a lot of things don’t make sense at the time they were shown. The books didn’t really suffer from that .

      Ragnarok, a Norwegian series wasn’t bad, but left things at something of a cliffhanger. It will get a second season.

  18. westernsloper

    I am going with third choice.

    I might be able to be persuaded by Q but I know not the relation of this woman and Q. Has he ever posted pics of her tits?

    • AlmightyJB

      I was unaware the Q was such an international phenomenon.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Whistling past the graveyard?

    “The percent of Democrats who approve of Donald Trump hovers around the margin of error of zero because he’s not done one thing in four years to win over any Hillary Clinton voters,” said Democratic strategist Jesse Ferguson, who worked for Clinton. “Claiming that one-out-of-five of his rally attendees are Democrats is like claiming he has the largest inauguration crowd in history. Period.”

    Politico thing about “hidden voters”. People who have not voted at all, or who have voted Demo, who are signing up for Trump’s MAGA rallies. If they vote for Trump this time, it will be bad for the Demos.

    To be honest, I trust Trump’s numbers more than the Demos’ “Our surveys show everybody hates President Cartoon Villain” screeching. I think a lot of people who were on the fence about Trump last time around will be willing to vote for him this time. Some of those people are black or members of another proprietary Demo voting bloc.

    • Gustave Lytton

      *reads further down Twitter to best teams per state, shakes head in sadness*

      • Ted S.

        No good teams in Minnesota?

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      But they look like such nice guys.

    • Suthenboy

      Did not read. Snorted vodka out of my nose at the photo.

  20. Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

    Fake astrology! There’s no way Gemini gets a reading this good:

    Gemini: Strength – Power, energy, action, courage, magnanimity, complete success

  21. Gustave Lytton

    Time to make the goulash.

    • Suthenboy

      Do people not have running water? Ya’ know a shower can also be a bedet. I dont think wiping your ass is the greatest concern with this panic.

      • AlmightyJB

        I know right? I don’t get it either.

      • Ted S.

        Yeah, it’s wiping other people’s asses that’s a concern.

      • Suthenboy

        Water hose?

      • westernsloper

        In some parts of the world people carry 2 L bottles of water in their vehicles to clean themselves after dropping a deuce. Sure those people smell like shit but it’s the thought that counts. Carrying soap was a bridge too far so it seemed.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Ahem, washlet is a bidet.

    • JD is Unemployed

      And in Seattle, apparently. Their Venezuelan fantasy is coming true.

  22. Tulip

    Baking oatmeal bread this afternoon.

    • Suthenboy

      That sounds good. I have been hankering for persimmon bread lately.

    • Tulip

      I’ll make cream of chicken soup tonight. Dinner will be a salad, soup and fresh bread.

      • Suthenboy

        Now you are really making me hungry. Fresh bread, tons of butter and a few dashes of cinnamon. Some black cherry jelly wouldn’t hurt. Yum.
        Dont forget some fresh fruit in your salad. Orange slices? A pear half with cottage cheese? Grapes?

        Yeah, I think I am hungry.

  23. Tulip

    Fairfax county had a press conference about the virus today. I didn’t watch.

    • JD is Unemployed

      I just read something that turned out to be copy+pasted from this at zerohedge.

      Lucky for me the NHS has plenty of- oh, what? No! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!1111111111111eleventytwelveqqqqqqq

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m going to have to doubt that prediction.

      • JD is Unemployed

        But, but the person that wrote that obviously really fucking loves science.

      • sloopyinca

        I assume they blame (((them))) in the comments section?

      • JD is Unemployed

        I’m usually not brave or foolhardy enough to even click on zerohedge links, let alone read the comments.

      • sloopyinca

        I see a lot of comments there saying coronavirus is tied to the rollout of 5G since both deprive the body of oxygen.

        Big, if true.

      • westernsloper

        Combine that with all the excess CO2 smothering the world and this could be a true catastrophe.

      • Tulip

        I have colleagues tracking the spread, cumulative deaths look like almost perfect Rayleigh curves. The crap on zero hedge looks more like someone’s fantasy – OMG it will keep doubling – PANIC. Bleh

    • dbleagle

      Good fun this weekend listening to the local news talk shit about the cruise industry without seeming to bite the hand that feeds them. Our confirmed case was on the plague cruise ship and caught it onboard. That ship stopped for port calls on all four major island ports so the “WE ARE GOING TO DIE!!!” is on Kauai, Oahu, Maui and Hawaii.

  24. JD is Unemployed

    It took me a second to parse this headline correctly:

    Pedometer-eating pig’s poo starts farm blaze (it’s a different headline on the piece than on the link I clicked, but, perhaps even better)

    • westernsloper

      Don’t see that everyday.

    • sloopyinca

      They gotta work on their alliteration.
      Pedo-pooping Pig Precipitates Pyroclastic Pen

    • Rhywun

      The pedometers were being used on pigs to prove they were free-range.

      That’s some great thinking, Lou.

    • sloopyinca

      “Intimacy Coordinators” was my favorite band in college.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Intimacy Coordinator was my nickname in Uni.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        (It means “schlub wingman who never gets the girl but always helps a buddy get the girl.”)

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      “intimacy coordinators”

      LOLGF

  25. The Late P Brooks

    Endangered: creatures of the swamp

    A U.S. government watchdog agency said Friday that 81 Bureau of Land Management employees have declined to relocate to Western states or left their positions as the Trump administration pursues a broad reorganization of the bureau’s headquarters staff.

    The Government Accountability Office issued a report that faulted the administration for failing to follow key reform practices such as involving employees and stakeholders in its plans.

    The bureau has about 10,000 employees, and most are already in field offices in the West with only about 400 in Washington, D.C. The Interior Department said last year it planned to move about 300 of them to the West.

    ——-

    House Natural Resources Committee Chairman Raul Grijalva said the GAO investigation showed the administration was trying to drive out staff and destroy the bureau’s ability to carry out its mission.

    Boo fucking hoo. An employer who decides to relocate its head office closer to its major area of operations? Get the NLRB on the case.

    Don’t want to move to Grand Junction? Fine. Find another job. I don’t see a problem.

    • westernsloper

      House Natural Resources Committee Chairman Raul Grijalva said the GAO investigation showed the administration was trying to drive out staff and destroy the bureau’s ability to carry out its mission.

      You don’t think there are qualified people in Grand Junction or elsewhere willing to relocate who would jump at the chance to to fill those positions?

    • Rhywun

      You know who else loves the freeze-frame at the top of the article?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Well they were arguably his most effective ally.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        My Angel is a Centerfold,

      • Tres Cool

        Abraham Zapruder ?

  26. Mojeaux

    So for the first part of this week, home will be the locus of misfortune.

    Got it covered.

    Taurus: 8 of Cups – The decline of a matter, or that a matter which has been thought to be important is really of slight consequence, abandonment, starting over

    From your cards to God’s ears.

    Continuing to excite: XX signed up to work 40 hours during spring break. Duck to water. I did not expect this. She says, “I’m glad I have your approval finally.” (Ouchie.) “It’s not APPROVAL. It’s huge excitement, like if you were getting married or something. It’s YOURS, something of YOUR OWN that you enjoy and have the potential to do well at in the long-term.”

  27. egould310

    Gonna make a pot roast. 3 lb beef chuck, cubed, salt and pepper and lightly floured, browned on stovetop in dutch oven in olive oil remove and set aside.

    Carrots, onions, celery sauteed in remaining olive oil and add butter. Add garlic And red pepoer flakes. Add tomato paste and bouillon. When that starts to carmelize. Deglaze the dutch oven with red wine, lots of red wine. I may splash some vermouth in there too. Return the beef to the pot. Add a little water, up to halfway on the beef, but don’t cover the beef. Bring liquid to a light boil. Put the lid on the dutch oven and turn to low.

    Drink some wine or make a martini and wait for 2.5 hours. Also, par boil 2 pounds of fresh roma tomatoes and remove the skins.

    Remove the beef. Using a slotted spoon, remove as much carrots, celery, and onion, and garlic. Sometimes I’ll strain the remaining liquid so it is super smooth, but not always.

    Add the tomatoes to the liquid in the dutch oven and add the beef back in. I’ll season with oregano, rosemary, thyme. Bring the liquid to a light boil, lid, low heat for another hour. I may throw some olives or capers or mushrooms at the end for like 5 minutes. Today, probably just olives.

    Get my wife to make fresh pasta noodles (eggs, flour, water).

    Plate of pasta, braised beef, tomato sauce. Shaved parmesan. More wine and or martinis.

    • westernsloper

      Nice!

  28. Grumbletarian

    “Scorpio: 10 of Coins reversed – Chance, fatality, loss, robbery, games of hazard”

    Now you tell me. Someone took a load of my laundry out of the building’s shared dryer yesterday morning. ‘Took’ as in nowhere to be found.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Oh yeah you can have them back. They don’t fit me anyway.