Thursday Afternoon Links

by | Mar 12, 2020 | Daily Links | 371 comments

(un)Official Glibs TPTB Statement on Coronavirus (hey, everyone else is doing it): My fellow Glibertarians, it is with great sadness that I suggest to you, out of an abundance of caution, that you continue to avoid each other and everyone else in the manner which you usually do. Avoid gathering in Glibertarian groups of more than 200. If you must meet your fellow Glibs in person, drink plenty of beer or liquor to combat the coronavirus. Wash your hands often. Even if you haven’t just finished touching yourself. And for dog’s sake, don’t breathe on Fourscore.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled links already in progress….

Its the end of the world.. FSU declared ACC Champs after conference tournament canceled. Several old men of my acquaintance can die happy.

A plague of monkeys descends on Thailand after their primary food source (tourists) vanishes.

Brutal.

Unconstitutional or just good sense?

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

371 Comments

  1. UnCivilServant

    A plague of monkeys descends on Thailand after their primary food source (tourists) vanishes.

    So, the monkeys ate the tourists? What is this? “Jurassic Park 200million – Monkey Business”?

  2. Yusef drives a Kia

    You’ll never catch me Corona and Lime disease, I live in Hell
    !!

    • UnCivilServant

      You instead live in the Hantavirus zone of the US.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        True, I recall the death toll in the millions then, it was pretty bad…….

  3. Count Potato

    “The normally well-fed primates had no food after coronavirus fears left the normally busy streets in Thailand completely empty of tourists”

    They normally eat tourists?

    • UnCivilServant

      Tourists are made of meat.

      • SDF-7

        Meat *and Potatoes* apparently…

    • Brett L

      I know, it bothered me as I wrote it. Not enough to change it, but I get what you mean.

  4. Count Potato

    Also, turn off the sidebar.

    • Brett L

      At least I can give you one small spark of joy.

    • Tonio

      The sidebar has been auto-enabled of late.

  5. Count Potato

    Today sucked.

    • SDF-7

      Cheer up! I’m sure there’s another Demi Rose pic to link in your future… and thicc…

      • Chafed

        She’s sporting a new look.

    • leon

      Check out the eyeroll on Juan Williams

  6. robc

    Since there is no tournament for us to not play in, I guess GT can claim our 5th place in the ACC.

    If the NCAA tourney is cancelled, I can see them screwing us over and extending our ban until next year. Clearly, taking a recruit to a strip club (which is freakin’ stupid and got the assistant instafired) is far worse than two decades of fake classes.

    • Bobarian LMD

      March Sadness!

    • cyto

      The two decades of fake classes was not fake classes. And it had nothing to do with sports.

      It was a race thing.

      I was there when they founded that department. It was a group in the history department, but the professor said it was racist not to make him a department chair. So they made him a department chair.

      Everyone was afraid to challenge him on anything. Because racism.

      Being uber-liberal means never having to say no to an oppressed minority.

      Similar to John Thompson, he had a goal of “helping black students to graduate”. The “paper classes” moniker refers to an independent study class where they had to write a paper.

      The problem was that he let his secretary handle the classes.

      It was entirely an academic oversight issue at a university that was afraid to stop a handful of students from vandalizing and destroying a prominent bronze statue in full view of the public – lest they be labeled racist.

      All of which is quite ironic, because the academic side of the university has been openly hostile to the athletic department for at least 40 years. And then they have a scandal because the academic side is so woke that they were afraid to exercise control over the department of racial grievances.

    • cyto

      Meanwhile, Rat-boy has had a string of huge violations that somehow don’t even get reported.

      And then there’s the non-violations…. like the observation that pre-FBI, folks around Zion Williamson were asking for a 6 figure check, a house near the school, and a job for the parents. After the FBI thing broke…. all of that stopped.

      And then his family moved into a really swank neighborhood in Durham and Dad got a high paying job in Durham. But, you know, nothing to investigate there.

  7. Sean

    ferociously grabbing at each other as the battle for the banana escalated.

    Giggity.

    • Bill Door

      Who needs cock fights when monkeys will do all the work, plus they look like people!

      • Shpip

        (simpsons_monkey_knife_fight.jpg)

      • Fourscore

        “plus they look like people!”

        Hell, they looked like relatives!

      • Bill Door

        For you too, huh? Glad I’m not alone there.

  8. Certified Public Asshat

    "The job of MNT player … requires a higher level of skill based on speed and strength than does the job of WNT player." — U.S. Soccer FederationChristen Press:(via @espn)pic.twitter.com/gSJ9tVjkM6— Grant Wahl (@GrantWahl) March 12, 2020

    That video shows neither speed nor strength. No defense either.

    • Chafed

      It may be required but that doesn’t mean he has it.

    • leon

      The MNT sucks. They deserve to loose their compensation to the Women. Like i said they should play a game every year, and the winner gets the higher salaries.

    • mrfamous

      Oh how I hate the “labor theory of value”: one does not get a salary commensurate with the ‘difficulty’ of one’s work, even in situations where such a thing can be determined. One’s salary is determined by what the employee is willing to accept and that is largely based on what that employee’s other options are. The US Men not only make far more money playing for their club than country, they also sometimes have options of playing for other countries. Their clubs would be thrilled if the players skipped national team duty altogether as it lessens wear and tear and reduces the likelihood of injury.

      None of these things apply to the women. Their clubs don’t pay much, those clubs are wholly dependent on National Team soccer for the viability of the sport so they need their players playing National Team tournaments. The women simply don’t have the option of saying “screw it” and forgo playing for the national team (or more commonly with the men, “retiring” from the National Team when you still have several years of productivity left in you). They don’t get paid as much because they don’t have to be. They can strike if they want to try and change that, but there’s plenty of other very good women players who would be happy to take their place.

      As for the women playing the men to see who gets paid more, the margin would almost always be double digits.

  9. Bill Door

    The university I work at, as well as several others in the state have implemented the in person class ban and classes will go online only starting on Wednesday for the foreseeable future. I am clinical faculty, so we are sill status quo at the moment, though some students who have recently travelled (one to Thailand – I think she was eaten by the monkeys) have been quarantined. Thing got interesting here quick today.

    • Rothbardsbitch

      A fellow academic! My college has not implemented the ban but admin is talking about it. The scariest thing right now is literally every fucking store in the city is out of toilet paper and I have half a roll left!!!!!!!!!! Send help!

      • Bill Door

        Yup. We have essentially the same thing here. We are keeping our clinic open, but making sure the students disinfect like crazy. We used to use Chlorox wipes, but those are completely out of stock everywhere too. I stopped at Wal-Mart to pick up some ibuprofen and tylenol and there was a run on both of those. I grabbed a couple of bottles of ibuprofen though.

        I’ll fax you some toilet paper, though.

        Also, The Hyperbole…. Ewww…

      • Bill Door

        What did I just click?

  10. Chipwooder

    Welp, Henrico County schools just announced a closing of two weeks. Guess I’m getting a staycation.

    • invisible finger

      Paid staycation?

      • Chipwooder

        Yeah – I can do some of my work at home, though not all of it, and I’ve got vacation time to use too. Not thrilled about using it for this, but what can you do.

      • invisible finger

        Well at least you can work. I suspect there will be lots of people who will expect to be paid despite not working.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m assuming James City and York won’t be far behind.

      • Chipwooder

        Nope. The dominoes are all falling – once UVA shut down in-person classes yesterday morning, I knew it was all just a matter of time. UVA led to the other state schools following suit, and once that happened the rest of the school system was bound to fall in, if for no other reason than to avoid getting blasted for staying open when other counties were closing theirs.

        I expect to hear from my son’s soccer and my daughter’s softball leagues within the next day, too.

        Feel bad for my son – this is going to torpedo his birthday party.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        It’s a life lesson. My son has three music competitions and multiple music camps lined up over the next four months. They’re probably all torpedoed at this point. We’ll have to retool for things to put on college applications.

        Life is what happens while you’re making plans.

      • Tundra

        Yep. My son is contemplating flying home from Scotland and finishing the semester remotely. He had three weeks of travel through Europe all teed up.

        He’s really bummed. I feel bad for him, but like you say, life lesson.

      • Brett L

        No, no. Now is the time to go! Only easy chicks will be in the bars, and all the competition will be staying home.

      • Tundra

        LOL!

        That’s a good point.

      • Brett L

        You only get to be young and stupid once, and his survival rate is better than at a soccer riot.

      • Brett L

        We’ll have to retool for things to put on college applications.

        “Survived SARS-2”

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        He can say he survived the virus.

      • LCDR_Fish

        Stafford county too.

        I’ll be drilling remotely this weekend. Apparently we can finally get the telework agreement approved and we’ll be continuing briefing/planning for ops, etc.

        However, getting tomorrow off (already signed my timesheet for “vacation” tomorrow) means I can go look at houses tomorrow and maybe not on Monday ;p

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      This is what annoys me currently.

      Based on current guidance from the Virginia Department of Education, if families choose to keep their child(ren) home, and they are not ill or have not been asked/advised to self-quarantine by health officials, the child(ren) will be marked absent.

    • Nephilium

      I’m thinking of cancelling my PTO for early next week, as everything is getting cancelled now anyways. We’re going full WFH already.

    • Brett L

      I think my kids’ school system has decided to make it to Spring Break. They aren’t supposed to reconvene until a week from Tuesday, and by then the school district will have time to make decisions.

  11. Rebel Scum

    continue to avoid each other and everyone else in the manner which you usually do

    Obviously.

    drink plenty of beer or liquor to combat the coronavirus.

    Alcohol (sanitizer) cleanse for the outside and alcohol cleanse for the inside.

    Wash your hands often. Even if you haven’t just finished touching yourself.

    If anything you need to wash your junk. Your hands are out touching things all day. In fact, wash your hands before you rub one out.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Chopsick

      *chuckle*

    • leon

      Glad my favorites aren’t on the list of racist:

      Mao’s Revenge, and the Flu Manchu

    • Rhywun

      “Srirachoo,” “Terracougha Army,”

      LOL

  12. Drake

    My town just cancelled their St. Patrick’s Day parade. I hope the breweries will still be open.

    • Enough About Palin

      “Dey took r prades!”

  13. leon

    And it came to pass that in those days Trump Donaldus declared that all the world (except the illegal folk) should be taxed, and so every man went unto his house and was counted…

    Got my Census request today.

  14. Gender Traitor

    ::crosses fingers, hopes A-10 follows ACC’s lead & declares U of Dayton conference champs::

    Marginally OT: no confirmed CV cases in my OH county, but schools will be closing next week & gov’s cracking down on “mass gatherings.” Should I take a break from YMCA spin class or not be a weenie? I DO have a treadmill at home.

    • leon

      My dad works for U of Dayton.

      • Gender Traitor

        One of the uni degrees I’m not using is from UD.

      • pistoffnick

        My wife has 3 degrees.

        I like to point out that she can’t be that smart because she married a loser like me!

      • UnCivilServant

        I have a degree.

        They say nothing about the judgement of the person who has them, just that they completed the curriculum.

      • UnCivilServant

        *unless the curriculum itself says something about their judgement…. *cough*studies degrees*cough*

      • Suthenboy

        I have multiple degrees. Trust me, I am living proof that it doesn’t make y ou smart.

    • Chafed

      If you’ve got an A-10 you can get pretty much what you want.

      • Count Potato

        Same with an AR-10.

      • Plinker762

        If you have an AR-14 doomsday weapon you would rule the earth.

    • B.P.

      My alma mater (U. of Colorado) preemptively cancelled its men’s basketball season by losing five in a row. Went from top 15 to the toilet in 10 days. Complete collapse. But at least they beat Dayton on a buzzer beater!

  15. SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

    Just finished the finale of the Elizabeth Warren series. I hope it’s as broadly enjoyable as I personally find it.

    • leon

      If it doesn’t end with her suck starting a glock, I’m going to be a bit disappointed.

    • Tonio

      Looking forward to reading that.

  16. tarran

    I’m so fucking happy that I switched jobs last year.

    Old job: working for a tour operator, which is probably talking layoffs to cope with the cash hemmorage involved with cancelling thousands of guests’ trips with full refunds after already paying for the spaces on airlines, hotels and attractions while working everyone to the bone in a frantic effort to get travelers home wherever possible and managing accommodations for people trapped overseas.

    New Job: working for an insurer that is an indirect competitor of Swiss Servator’s masters. They canceled a bunch of meetings that I didn’t want to attend anyway and are holding the actual mission-critical ones via skype. We have good capitalization, and are comfortable that once the storm has passed, business will be good thanks to the free advertising from those who were under-insured for the various losses this causes.

    Life is much nicer.

    • leon

      indirect competitor of Swiss Servator’s masters.

      Indirect competitor of the Swiss?

      In cheeze? Clocks? Or Gold?

      • tarran

        If I recall correctly, he works in the best industry of all, where you sell a promise to pay a portion of a loss in the future should it occur, in exchange for cold, hard cash now.

        Now, if I can get underwriting to remove the requirement that commercial customers ban employees from bringing firearms to work as a condition for us insuring them, I’d be very happy.

      • Enough About Palin

        Stealing from (((them)))?

  17. Aloysious

    Hail Zard… wait. No. Hail… Bret?

    Hmmm. Not the same.

    • Aloysious

      Oh yeah… on topic… Emereld Robinson’s response to that twunt Brian Stultz… Seltz… Steltz… whatever was a burn. Get the aloe vera.

    • LJW

      Comments for this video are turned off. Hmm I wonder why?

    • tarran

      Jesus! 4K liked it and 27K hated it?!?

      What imbecilic advertising agency came up with that turkey?

      • commodious spittoon

        On the one hand it got me to watch their ad.

        On the other hand I don’t want no bitch wagon.

      • Tonio

        The same people who did the Peloton ad?

      • Tundra

        Or the Audi ‘Green Police’ ad?

      • grrizzly

        I still purposefully avoid the Audi exhibitions at car shows.

    • The Hyperbole

      I just hope ‘Drop the Taco’ becomes a thing.

      • mexican sharpshooter

        Hey you, drop the taco.

      • Spudalicious

        I was almost there, and then I dropped the taco.

  18. Rebel Scum

    Climate Change Coronavirus is our WWII

    In an attempt to blame the virus spread on President Donald Trump, Sanders said, “We have an administration that is largely incompetent and whose incompetence and recklessness have threatened the lives of many, many people in our country.”

    Sanders said, “Cases of coronavirus continues to grow exponentially here in the United States and around the world, and we have witnessed a global economic meltdown which will impact millions of workers in our own country. In the terms of potential deaths, in terms of the economic impact on our economy, the crisis we face from the coronavirus is on the scale of major war, and we must act accordingly. Nobody knows what the number of fatalities may end up being, or the number of people who may get ill and we all hope that that number will be as low as possible, but we also have to face the truth and that is that the number of casualties may actually be even higher than what the armed forces experienced in World War II.”

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      we must act accordingly

      Please define that.

      And no bullshit like we need a vaccine, or we need a better speech, or the CDC is underfunded….

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        That’s what drives me nuts. Blah, blah, blah, Trump is doing it all wrong, but I’m not willing to say what exactly should be done, because I don’t have a clue either.

    • Chafed

      Ok Grandpa Gulag. Give us the citation for your numbers.

    • Drake

      I blame the communist Chinese – big surprise Bernie doesn’t. If the percentages seen in Italy occur here, it will be more casualties than WWII.

      • leon

        What are you talking about?

        827 dead in Italy. Out of 12,000 cases, out of 60 Millon people.

        That equates to about 6% of .01% of the population. In the Us it would be around 3,000 people.

      • Sean

        This shit is more over hyped than Al Capone’s vault.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        If you looked hard enough, you might have seen the virus in Al Capone’s vault.

      • Tonio

        “Six percent of the population??” /faints

      • mexican sharpshooter

        827 dead in Italy

        Nearly all of whom are probably old enough to remember WW2.

    • Fatty Bolger

      It’s just a drop in the bucket compared to the number killed by communism, you commie fuck.

    • leon

      Cases of coronavirus continues to grow exponentially here in the United States and around the world,

      I’m more worried about the growth of the case of communists…. There is only one known cure….

      • commodious spittoon

        Helicopters?

    • Certified Public Asshat

      Nobody knows…

      But we do know who to blame.

    • B.P.

      Why should a commie be distressed by negative impacts to an evil capitalist economy?

    • Mad Scientist

      Nobody needs 23 different kinds of flu virus!

    • mexican sharpshooter

      If we’re going to play moral equivalency games with WW2, shouldn’t we be talking about nuking China, or at least firebombing them?

    • leon

      Utah Gov. Herbert essentially did the same today.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        CA too

      • Trigger Hippie

        This clearly is all just a plot for money by Big Daycare.

    • Rebel Scum

      CV can’t spread unless there are at least 100 people near one another.

      • The Hyperbole

        I believe the idea is to slow the spread at this point.

      • Brett L

        The science, such that it is, is that if a region can slow the spread enough that hospitals don’t get overwhelmed, the death rate will be dramatically lower.

      • Fatty Bolger

        No question. Slowing it gets us past flu season, keeps the hospitals from being overwhelmed, and provides extra time for a working vaccine to be developed.

    • Unreconstructed

      My son’s school district called, texted, and emailed me to let me know they’d be closed next week (this week is Spring Break). This, after the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo was cancelled. The latter I didn’t mind so much, but seemed a bit premature.

  19. Florida Man

    Just issued a respirator mask. Things are gettin’ real, Ya’ll!

    • Sean

      Is there a little cut out or trap door so you can still snort meth without taking it off?

      • LJW

        I think the meth is actually built into the filter.

    • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

      Get better, doggie

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      You’re one of the lucky ones then.

      The rest of us are going to get tampons to stick in our nostrils and maxi-pads to tape to our mouths.

      • Tonio

        In your case the “gently used” ones from Daily Femsplaining.

    • Brett L

      I’ve got one of those in box somewhere… not sure what my wife and kids are gonna do, but I’m covered.

      • Florida Man

        It’s one of the ones with screw on cartridges. Probably as effective as the ones painters use.

      • R C Dean

        Glibertarian confirmed.

    • invisible finger

      Wait til you see what the government issues to people on Indian reservations.

      • leon

        Blankets?

      • Fourscore

        Not enough for everyone, the folks will have to share

      • Tonio

        Personal Euthanasia Kit, KPE-1194, Single-Use, Painless, Self-Injectable?

      • Bobarian LMD

        Except for the “painless” part.

  20. "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

    $100 says a world leader dies from the Kung Flu.

    I personally think that the presidential election should be decided by injecting both the president and Biden with Kung Flu. Whoever survives gets to be president. Are you not entertained?

    • LJW

      Tulsi Gabbard quietly waits in the shadows

      • leon

        Jacob Hornburger has a sad.

      • "Tulsi Gabbard Apologist"

        But, I like Tulsi and Jacob. That wouldn’t be as funny

    • Tonio

      What’s your threshold for “world leader?”

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        If we’re lucky, it will get all of the “world thought leaders”

    • LCDR_Fish

      Wouldn’t be too soon for the Ayatollah. Sounds like those jerks are dropping like flies.

  21. Fatty Bolger

    If Bernie was President, coronavirus would be free.

    • Sean

      *golf clap*

  22. peachy rex

    Tournament gone.

  23. tarran

    Over at AIER, Adam Thier has a lovely article:

    How the US Botched Coronavirus Testing

    Don’t let the title fool you, it’s more than a savage beatdown of the FDA. That’s the first half. The second half starts off with

    However, what is most interesting about this example of innovation-limiting regulation is that it did not stop Dr. Chu and her team from moving forward, at least not initially. Instead, they engaged in what we might think of as “evasive entrepreneurialism” or “technological civil disobedience.” They went ahead and tested for the coronavirus without permission to prove that they might be able to help. Stated differently, they broke the law in pursuit of a higher goal.

    It ends weakly, calling for regulators to be more innovation-friendly. My take is a bit different. We really should be encouraging people to be more open to evasive entrepreneurship.

    • Rhywun

      Bernie would have eased regulations and got shit done!

    • RAHeinlein

      Innovation-friendly – like Theranos?

  24. Chafed

    I just heard on the news Disneyland is shutting down through the end of the month. I don’t think that has happened before.

    • Dr. Fronkensteen

      Sold my Disney stock this morning. Looks like I picked the right time to bail out.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Yeah, the movie business is going to get hammered hard, too. I wonder if we’ll see summer blockbusters moved to later in the year, or even next summer.

      • Tundra

        Woke Bond already did postpone.

      • invisible finger

        Theaters, sure. But streaming will increase what with all the sports leagues closing up.

  25. Count Potato

    Fuck, the Dow is at 21K, and all the stores are out of rice.

    • mexican sharpshooter

      Rice? Dude the local Kroger has 2 for 1 on chuck roasts. Stock up on what matters.

      • Count Potato

        I wasn’t stocking up. It was just my usual shopping.

  26. Shpip

    If you must meet your fellow Glibs in person, drink plenty of beer or liquor to combat the coronavirus.

    From the sidebar in this AM’s Chelsea Manning piece. I’ve found just the spot for the next Glib meet-up. Not sure if there are separate accommodations for your orphan batman.

  27. leon

    @Leap (and to whom it may concern) I think it’s you that listens to the Short Circuit Podcast. Yesterday i just listened to the one they did live at Georgia. I listened to the case of the Georgian who was arrested for destorying property when he was being kidnapped by the cops was very interesting. But i was very disheartened by the self proclaimed progressive in the panel who was dumbstruck that it would not be illegal, and even to use force to resist arrest, even if the cops were illegally arresting you. The idea that cop should bear any kind of protection when acting illegally is what gives them the confidence to go around harrasing people for bulshit.

  28. Rebel Scum

    Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez✔
    @AOC

    Right about now would be a great time to weigh emergency measures like:
    – Extending Medicare/Medicaid coverage to all
    – Eviction freezes
    – No-strings UBI programs
    – Eliminating work requirements for SNAP &other assistance
    – Humanitarian provisions in prisons & decarceral policies

    Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez✔
    @AOC

    Some are taking about ⬆️unemployment insurance, & while good it’s not nearly enough. There are enormous sectors of our economy (tipped workers, freelance, shift workers) who may not be “unemployed” but whose lives are still dramatically disrupted to the point of eviction, etc

    *waives magic wand*

    • leon

      emergency measures

      In a good republic, any politician who utters that phrase would be dragged out by the mob.

      • The Hyperbole

        In a good republic, any politician who utters that phrase would be dragged out by the mob.

        FTFY

      • leon

        I Like you Hyperbole.

      • Fourscore

        any = all

      • Rhywun

        How convenient that it reads like a lefty wishlist.

      • leon

        Hasn’t history taught us that the purpose of emergency measures is to 1) ram through a political factions wishlist, and 2) never rescind them after the emergency.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        They promised they would pull out!

      • R C Dean

        In 9 months, you’ll have a bouncing baby bureaucracy!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Our Gov is implementing climate change nonsense that that the Legislature didn’t (because the rump Republican remainder walked out and prevented a quorum).

    • RAHeinlein

      Sure, let’s have all those tipped workers, freelance, gig, whatever show their tax returns and provide some level of unemployment. Whoops – that doesn’t add up to much.

      Shift workers are presumably employed, so would qualify for unemployment and increases if enacted. Oh wait, I don’t believe she is talking about those who are legitimately employed.

    • Animal

      “Honey, don’t spoil it by talking.”

    • Rothbardsbitch

      Temporarily shutting down all immigration.
      Building a wall so we can control who is coming into the country.
      Eliminating all taxes for one year.
      Suspending all politician’s salaries and diverting the funds to combatting corona.

      See AOC I can do it too!

    • leon

      I enjoy his stuff. I tried showing him to my Bernie supporting friend, but the episode i picked was him lambasting Biden and talking about how that biden will be eaten by trump, and i think it depressed my friend even more.

      • Trigger Hippie

        So, a job well done!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      There are still a few principled leftists and he’s one of them.

      • Trigger Hippie

        The one thing he does here that sticks in my craw is refusing to make Berie take ownership for the things he says. Dore desperately wants to blame these things on Bernie’s staff and advisors when all the evidence would suggest that he’s just another ineffectual cuck for the DNC. We all have our blind spots, I guess.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        He likely knows but this lets him chew Bernie’s ass without really chewing Bernie’s ass. I don’t know if his audience would stand for that.

    • leon

      Good thing i work from home, or else “Penis” would have loudly come over my speaker….

      • Trigger Hippie

        We’re really not doing phrasing anymore, are we?

  29. Fatty Bolger

    Funny how medical stocks are some of the biggest losers during a pandemic fear.

    • Florida Man

      It makes sense when you consider EMTALA laws and declaring a national emergency.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And diversion of R&D/manufacturing to coronavirus related from more profitable avenues.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Yeah. Just shows how far from a free market it actually is.

        Another factor is that a lot of patients will be elderly and on Medicare, which pays less than half of what private insurance pays. Which is why MFA is totally going to work and makes perfect economic sense.

    • Count Potato

      Bitcoin is down too.

    • invisible finger

      Panic selling of assets of any kind.

    • Chafed

      He occasionally rubs me the wrong way but as far as I can tell, he has accurately stated what the current state of medical science does or does not show.

  30. leon

    Checking the map.

    Looks like Uruguay has no confirmed cases of Coronavirus, Legal weed, and fine beaches….

    Ya me voy!

    • Rhywun

      Another Rethuglican prancing around when the country needs real leadership. For shame.

    • Heroic Mulatto

      This is the cyberpunk dystopia I was promised back in the 80s.

      • Chafed

        +1 William Gibson

      • Pan Zagloba

        So why are our current pop idols worthless thots instead of bike-riding power suit wearers?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Was that a Bubblegum Crisis reference?

        You are indeed a man of culture.

      • Pan Zagloba

        Yes, yes it was. We were discussing anime on discord couple weeks back and I went into a rant about how awesome 80s stuff was, and in particular how I still watch that in Japanese whereas the modern stuff I can’t abide, even if I like the show (e.g. Black Lagoon or even Girls Und Panzer, glory be to it). BGC was one of my examples.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        It was the first media of any type to predict a future war against Boomers.

    • Tundra

      Yeah, probably still would.

  31. Certified Public Asshat

    I played soccer on Tuesday night and some asshole nailed me in the back as I was running up field, which caused me to land hard on my left shoulder. I went yesterday for x-rays which were negative, but my PCP has not called me back today for any further referral.

    I have more mobility in my shoulder than I did yesterday, but still very limited. Wait until Monday to see if it is just a sprain and heals on it’s own?

    • Ted S.

      It’s coronavirus.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        *rubs Purell on shoulder, gives Ted thumbs-up*

    • Tundra

      We talked about this earlier.

      Hang, dude.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        I saw, but not sure now is the right time to do it. My shoulders have been fine before this injury.

      • Tundra

        Mine was a hockey impact injury.

        Hang.

  32. Suthenboy

    How would shutting down the capitol be unconstitutional? In todays electronic world I cant think of a good reason for that gaggle of halfwits to be in DC at all.

    • leon

      They only work 100 or so days out of the year anyway.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I’m half rooting for a complete government shutdown that extends until the end of May so that my dream of seeing a non-operating federal government by the age of forty is fulfilled. Of course, that would probably mean a lot of people are still dying and a lot of economic damage. Not from the lack of government per se, but from the impact of the virus itself.

      So maybe I shouldn’t root for a shutdown, as much as I’d like to by reflex.

      • commodious spittoon

        I’m hoping the virus makes a clean sweep through Congress.

      • Trigger Hippie

        That’s the ‘Hope Springs Eternal’ kinda mindset this country needs!

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      It’s OK when they do it, when non leftys do it they do it to disparage the Chinese. Ain’t you never heard of mens rea?

      • Heroic Mulatto

        Well, yes, the context of discourse is a thing. What is ridiculous is the never ending cycle of one side sanctimoniously strutting around with an unwarranted sense of moral superiority by declaring something said in innocence to be taboo, which produces the overreaction of I AIN’T CALLIN’ IT ANYTHIN’ BUT THE SLANT-EYED YELLOW MONKEY PLAGUE CUZ I AIN’T POLITICALLY CORRECT OR NUTHIN’, which both fulfills the other side’s need to feel superior and drives even more pronouncements.

      • Raven Nation

        Bah! You probably thought it was no big deal when Obama didn’t wear an American flag pin in 2008. I also bet you thought the number of houses McCain owned was irrelevant. How can we know who to support if we don’t have easily identifiable trivia with which to beat one another over the head.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        I still call them “Freedom Fries”.

      • Raven Nation

        You would. You’re well known as patriotic, flag-waving nationalist.

        I bet your favorite song is “Proud to be an American.”

      • robc

        Siebel still hasnt switched back to teaching in german.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Slant Eyed Yellow Monkey Plague does seem inappropriate, I’ll give you that.

      • Heroic Mulatto

        SHUT THE FUCK UP, CHINATARD!

      • invisible finger

        Orangemonkeyplague is a-ok though.

      • Pan Zagloba

        Please, Orangegutan Pox (first part pronounced like the fruit) rolls off the tongue much easier.

      • Suthenboy

        I am partial to flu Manchu myself.

  33. gbob

    Today I got to witness my first full fledged panic buy at the grocery store. Cashier lines that stretched for miles, empty shelves. No chicken soup. No toilet paper, no soap. All of a sudden I look like a genius to my woman for insisting we always have three weeks of emergency food supplies.

    On the other hand, this is the first time when I came home from a liquor store with 200 bucks worth of booze without her rolling her eyes. She even kissed me, saying “that was good thinking” as opposed to her looking at me and saying “you fucking lush”

    Also, I now am able to get out of a Village People concert i was going to tomorrow. There is a god, and it rises a white horse and is named pestilence.

    • Ownbestenemy

      We normally purchase 4 24pk waters for the business…we have not been able because of the run on water.

      That reminds me…I need to go buy beer

      • invisible finger

        I was at the grocery today and someone was on the phone saying, “They’re out of water.”

        I nearly pissed myself laughing. There were no 24-packs of water, but the shelf of gallon jugs was entirely full.

    • Rothbardsbitch

      Ditto, there has not even been a coronavirus infection in my area.

      • Spudalicious

        Now you’ve done it.

    • Fatty Bolger

      Today I got to witness my first full fledged panic buy at the grocery store. Cashier lines that stretched for miles, empty shelves. No chicken soup. No toilet paper, no soap.

      Not to worry, the dirty capitalists will continue to mercilessly exploit the proletariat by restocking those shelves tomorrow, and every day thereafter.

    • Plinker762

      Last night Walmart had no bulk rice and low on canned soup. Went to the Safeway next to it and plenty of both.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        Yeah, I’m seeing stuff like that, too. The local Safeway here has pretty much everything. So too does the local London Drugs and Shoppers Drug Mart (although there’s been a run in the last day or so on stuff like symptom relief drugs for the flu).

      • Rhywun

        It’s a madhouse!

        ‘It’s hell in there:’ NYC food stores mobbed amid coronavirus fears

        Except I went shopping today and saw nothing missing. No mobs. Maybe because I don’t shop at Walmart or Costco.

      • Tundra

        Nah. Costco here is a little bit light in TP, but otherwise normal.

      • Rhywun

        It’s almost like the media are engaging in hysteria. Shocking, I know.

      • Rhywun

        Nope. I really dug “Your Love” though, and this one is pretty good too.

      • Tundra

        LOL.

        My stupid college band covered Your Love.

        To say it was popular is a ridiculous understatement.

      • invisible finger

        Walmart probably has the stuff but no staff to restock the shelves during the day.

      • Plinker762

        I stop by Walmart on my way home from work around 10pm. Plenty of stockers moving pallets of chips but the soup and rice areas stay the same so I suspect their supply chain. I find it interesting to see where the demands are.

  34. Yusef drives a Kia

    You guys are freaking me out with the panic crap, i have stocks of food, but Should I grab some Cash? if the Debit system goes down, so do i…

    • gbob

      I’m now no longer accepting pay pal when I go dow town and blow sailors for money.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        TMI, just say’n,

      • gbob

        What? It’s fine for Winston’s mom to have a side hustle, but I can’t?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Listen, I said we’ll square up and I meant it.

      • Spudalicious

        Four Square, hardest hit.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      Cash never goes out of style. Just grabbed a chunk o’ change myself, in case the networks go down or are temporarily overloaded.

      And the spousal unit thinks I’m a genius for stocking up on supplies 10 days or so ago. I pointed out to her that I was simply trying to get us back to our standard “two months’ supplies” in stock. It’s all stuff we eat/need/want anyways, just a bulge in the supply stream. First time in almost 45 years I’ve let the stock dwindle that much.

      As for booze, we’re capable of maintaining a buzz for at least six weeks — probably longer.

      My only worry is that I might not have enough food for the dog.

  35. Ownbestenemy

    A good chunck of our dog grooming business is to the elderly. Gotta see if my wife will be eligble for that sweet government cash they are about to throw around.

  36. Rhywun

    John Flanagan, the Republican leader of the New York State Senate, has criticized the new legislation and called for a suspension of the law banning plastic bags. “Senate Democrats’ desperate need to be green is unclean during the coronavirus outbreak,” he said Tuesday, but so far he’s been a lonely voice among public officials.

    No problem. Just ban reusable bags. Mandatory paper bag tax for all.

    • RAHeinlein

      How is everything in NY? Curious to hear from someone on the ground – the TV talking heads are saying everything is on lock-down, empty restaurants, shops, etc.

      • UnCivilServant

        Upstate, I’m not seeing any of that.

        Can’t speak to downstate.

      • RAHeinlein

        I’m not seeing much in Chicago either other than zero tourists/convention attendees. Nearby grocery store was far busier than usual today. St. Paddy’s Day parade cancelled.

      • Don Escaped ORD

        ORD was quiet. Stool at the bar was easily had.

      • invisible finger

        There has been a homeless problem at ORD of late.

        Oh, barstool. Sorry.

      • Florida Man

        PSA: DONT ignore your hemorrhoids or they might get necrotizing fasciitis and you’ll lose your testicles and legs. Possibles you’re hands.

      • Florida Man

        No I did not reply to the wrong thread…
        *runs away*

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        There’s nothing worse than knowing you have an asshole.

      • Ted S.

        No it’s not possible you are hands.

      • Rhywun

        Museums and other touristy things are closed but I don’t live in Manhattan so I don’t see any of that. I don’t see anything out of the ordinary in my area.

      • Ted S.

        I’ve only been going to and from work because I’ve been doing obscene amounts of overtime.

        Have to go grocery shopping and a liquor run after work tomorrow.

        Dad took the dog to the vet (routine checkup, no need to worry) yesterday and went shopping today. I didn’t hear anything out of the ordinary from him.

      • Florida Man

        All Orlando theme parks are still open. The spice must flow!

    • leon

      really you shouldn’t be going to the grocery store at this time. it is dangerous. We should ban going shopping.

    • UnCivilServant

      How about a permanat repal and a prosecution of everyone who voted for the ban.

  37. leon

    So… If you didn’t know. In the Classic Depeche Mode song “Blasphemous Rumors”, they don’t actually say “I think that God has a Sixth Sense of Humor”, but ‘Sick Sense of Humor’

    / PSA

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      You’re just now noticing? Do you still listen to Death Leopard as well?

    • Rhywun

      I knew.

    • Ted S.

      Did you reach out and touch faith?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        It was personal…

      • UnCivilServant

        Was a restraining order involved? Or just a bouncer?

    • SugarFree

      It’s a lot like life.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        There are Times,

    • The Hyperbole

      Wait, there are classic Depeche Mode songs now?

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        Um, yes, I guess for us Oldsters there are, I even like Bob Smith and the Cure,

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Heh, I used to hate them but they’ve grown on me. Back in the day they didn’t sound enough like Iron Maiden and Motorhead for my tastes.

      • The Hyperbole

        Look fat, I’ll give you “personal Jesus” as a one hit wonder kinda thing but to claim some rando DM song as a ‘classic’ is a bridge to far.

      • Ted S.

        I believe “Enjoy the Silence” was also a Top 10 hit.

      • JaimeRoberto Delecto

        Ugh, you’re words are like violence.

    • SDF-7

      In related news, Taylor Swift has a lot of Starbucks lovers…

      • The Hyperbole

        But is that Cool Whip in her hair?

      • Spudalicious

        No.

      • The Hyperbole

        Well was she at least rolled up like a douche?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        +1 Hummer in the night

  38. Florida Man

    Anybody else start playing plague inc again?

    • UnCivilServant

      No, I’m trying to eke out more story words.

    • Trigger Hippie

      Ha! The thought crossed my mind. If they add a Wuhan expansion pack, I’ll download it again immediately.

      I just started playing the original KOTOR on my tablet a few days ago. I had forgotten how good the idea and story were…and how the controls were so damn clunky.

      • Florida Man

        Yeah, but the controls don’t really detract. The story and characters more than make up for it.

  39. Tripacer

    Well of course they cancelled Mariners spring training, the whole reason we were driving to Phoenix next week. Girlfriend is pissed.

  40. Enough About Palin

    I came home to find a letter from the Census Bureau. Instead of the usual census form and return envelope, there was a note directing me to a website and my home was given an ID number. I tore the fucking thing up. Are they only counting people with Internet acces this time around?

    • Suthenboy

      Sounds good to me. I dont have to load rock salt into otherwise perfectly good shotgun shells.

    • Rhywun

      Enh, at least the census is something they are allowed to do.

  41. R C Dean

    The Bee, bringing the heat:

    “Nation’s Nerds Wake Up In Utopia Where Everyone Stays Inside, Sports Are Canceled, Social Interaction Forbidden”

    • Rhywun

      I picked the wrong decade to develop an interest in sports.

    • Sean

      Yeah, but SD comicon is still on with no plans to cancel…

  42. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Part and event rental business is screwed for this year. I’m starting to hear the wailing from people in the industry.

    Welcome to my 2008

  43. Sean

    It’s so fucking insane that even Amazon is out of most toilet paper.

    What the fuck America?

    • robc

      I saw some used TP for sake earlier.

      • Spudalicious

        I would trade sake for new TP, but never used.

      • robc

        Sale

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That’s some nasty sake.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        A trade?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I’m sitting on my new Toto washlet/bidet right now.

      *beams with satisfaction*

      • Ted S.

        It seeks to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that you’ve become.

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        . . . aaaaand then the power went out.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Don’t even say that.

        *hugs bidet for reassurance*

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        All my important electronics/electrical devices have UPSes attached to them.

        Just sayin’.

      • Deplorableme

        I’ve got one. No idea why they haven’t caught on here in the US. Warm seat, warm water, warm blow dry. Nice! Anyways, if power goes out, I’m firing up the portable generator for my dumps – well worth it.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        My wife is jealous of the thing because I like it so much.

      • straffinrun

        Welcome to the first world.

      • Tejicano

        Yeah. I was gonna say “Well, no shit” but if that was the case there wouldn’t be much of a point.

  44. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Apparently China is running an internal campaign to convince people that the US released the Coronavirus to attack the Chinese

    • Spudalicious

      Russia and Iran are jumping on that bandwagon too. Shocking, really.

    • Plinker762

      China is asshole

      • Rhywun

        ^one important silver lining to come out of this whole thing is the world realizing this – maybe

    • straffinrun

      What’s most important is that we don’t stigmatize the Chinese for slaughtering wild animals in open markets.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        That would be lacist.

    • Q Continuum

      Fuck the ChiComs.

      I hope this is a wake up call for the world to stop being so dependent on them.

    • Suthenboy

      Oh my God. Who could have seen that coming?

    • straffinrun

      Hate flash mobs, but enjoyed that for the music alone.

    • Suthenboy

      Russian blue? Does it fetch?

      • Q Continuum

        He actually does. If I throw his toy down the stairs, he’ll bring it back up.

      • Suthenboy

        I had a couple of them for about 20 years.
        Try a large rubber band. He will make you shoot that thing until the skin wears off of your thumb.

      • SUPREME OVERLORD trshmnstr

        Wife’s grandparents had a cat that would shoot rubber bands out of her hand. She’d stick it on one finger and the cat would pull the other end with its teeth.

      • Q Continuum

        Cool, I will do that.

      • Mojeaux

        Mine does that, but he has a small stuffed smiley emoji. We have to hide it before we go to bed or he’ll bounce on the bed in the middle of the night to play.

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      We had a cat that looked exactly like that one. He was great; only cat that I’ve ever had that wanted to go on walks with me.

      Taken out by an owl or hawk, near as we can tell.

    • Tundra

      I wish I wasn’t so allergic. Cats are cool.

      • Tundra

        Thank you!

        I’ll be doing some body work this weekend. I got hit last fall by a chunk of metal and got a nice dent and gouge. Gotta clear out some rust.

    • straffinrun

      I don’t like The Cranberries either.

      • Rhywun

        ?

      • Tres Cool

        IN my head I always hear “did you have to, did you have to, did you have to smell your finger”

      • straffinrun

        You had me wrapped around your sphincter…

      • Tres Cool

        That works, too

  45. Sean

    Corona should send free cases of beer to anyone self quaranteening. Just saying.

    • UnCivilServant

      But then you’d be stuck with Corona and Corona

    • The Hyperbole

      Where is Corona going to get the beer?

      • Suthenboy

        From a horse?

      • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

        China?

  46. straffinrun
    • Suthenboy

      What the hell did I ever do to you?

    • Aloysious

      That looks like a dorm room. A very small dorm room.

    • Sean

      You’re a bad man, a very bad man.

  47. Mojeaux

    Q: In the spirit of UCS’s serial, would anybody be open to a serialization of a short story I already wrote and published?

    TW: First person present tense.

    • Suthenboy

      Well hell yes.

      • Sean

        ⬆⬆

    • UnCivilServant

      I can’t sanction present tense, but I’m sure people would gladly read it.

    • Tundra

      Did you finally start drinking?

      Talented writer giving us stuff for free?

      Gee, let me think…

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      of course, all are welcome…
      /they let me in,

  48. Mojeaux

    Well, my church just shut down all operations, including all worship services and activities.

    • straffinrun

      Corona is there when three gather in its name.

    • LCDR_Fish

      Most of the churches around here already had streaming services – and that’s what most of them are doing exclusively this weekend.

    • Tundra

      Mine is still rolling for services, but they cancelled all extra stuff. And strongly suggested that oldsters worship remotely.

      Which is smart.

      • Tres Cool

        Mine just announced no more services for 3 weeks.

  49. pistoffnick

    The latest memo from my company regarding the Covid-19 virus states that “all employees are now required to enroll in the [company name] RAVE alert system (https://www.ravemobilesafety.com/).”

    To enroll, you must agree to ravemobile’s (a 3rd party) terms of service and give them a bunch of personal information, including your cell phone number. The most onerous term is that, if I have a beef with the service, I have to duke it out in a court in Massachusetts.

    Yes, I know I’m petty. I don’t like anything that’s mandatory or required. If this is required as part of continuing employment, are [company name] lawyers going to represent me in Massachusetts court?

    Is this even legal?

    Fuck off, slaver!

    • LCDR_Fish

      Do you have any other pre-existing phone tree set up that your manager can use to contact you?

  50. Tejicano

    Well, they just cancelled the gun show which was the reason for the timing of my planned trip to the US. I’m probably going anyway since a raft of other reasons presented after planning this trip started. Bleah…

  51. cyto

    Our little league just cancelled the season.

    Good lord. We have lost our minds.

    Baseball is the perfect sport to play in this current scare. Outdoors, spread out. No fans to speak of. Everyone can easily stay 6 feet apart. And there are no old people involved.

    But, yeah. Let’s cancel that.

    Sheesh.