I wrote this for an anthology my publishing partner wanted to do, Monsters & Mormons, a reclaiming of our questionable literary heritage as pulp fiction villains. Even though this story is very niche, I’ve decided not to link to any clarifying information. Y’all are smart. You’ll figure it out.
I SIT IN Relief Society picking lint off my new denim skirt—“new” meaning I scavenged it from the ’80s sales rack at the vintage consignment shop below my apartment. It’s a cute skirt. I don’t know why the ’80s are so maligned.
The lesson today (the law of chastity) has devolved into the temptations and dangers facing the singles of the church, of which I am one—not by circumstance, you see, but by calling. I am a nun.
It’s not an official calling in the church; in fact, the Metairie Louisiana Singles Branch President doesn’t even know about it.
This calling comes straight from the top.
There are others. We have no title but for what we call ourselves: nuns and monks.
We draw our strength from celibacy. If we should marry, our bodies’ enhancements and talents will vanish.
Like cutting off Samson’s hair.
Spouses, families—they would hamper us. After all, they don’t sell life insurance for what we do (Acts-of-God clauses are pesky things) and there is simply no way to multiply and replenish the earth if it’s possible you’ll die the next evening in the line of duty. There is an extra layer of protection: We’re not very good looking (so as to repel the opposite sex) and our desire for companionship and … relations … is tamped, if not completely eradicated (to keep us from distraction).
The dangers facing all members of the church—but especially singles—are listed on the chalkboard by the teacher, who is reading from the manual. Bullet-point instruction number three at the back of the lesson is to write the list on the chalkboard. So she does:
Pornography (a perennial favorite)
Discouragement (the human condition)
Temptations (these are not enumerated)
Friends of dubious quality (no judgment there, right?)
R-rated movies (Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me is PG-13, so it’s okay)
Coke (of the caffeinated variety)
There are a few they left out, most notably the ones I fight, which I will do tonight, as I do most nights. I dare not say a word about these dangers, nor do I allow myself to comment on the ones listed on the board. In fact, I don’t comment at all.
Ever.
But I do pray, when asked.
I’m asked a lot.
Sunday school follows Relief Society, and after that, sacrament meeting, where I will take notes on the night’s work. I very rarely have to take notes to do my job, but I’m far more relaxed right now than usual—nearly in a trance—which means I’m being prepared to write.
The boys (they’re single, so no one thinks of them as men—a pity, really) trickle into the Relief Society room from Priesthood for Gospel Doctrine, and I spot him immediately: a smallish man, perhaps five-eight with a wiry build.
My partner.
I haven’t worked with a partner since I got out of training, nor was I told I was getting one today—but it doesn’t surprise me.
Things have changed.
We know each other on sight, and he takes the seat beside me.
We don’t speak.
I am asked to give the opening prayer and I do. I feel the Holy Ghost’s power flow through me as I pray, and while I don’t claim any more spiritual gifts than the next human, occasionally I do receive more than my share.
There is someone in this room in great need of comfort. I don’t know who, but it doesn’t matter.
I do what I’m told.
I sit, and my partner takes a piece of paper and a pen out of the inside pocket of his suit coat. He writes in reformed Egyptian.
I look down through the bottom focal of my trifocal eyeglasses, read, then nod.
When I look up through the top focus of the lens, the glyphs disappear. He folds the paper carefully and puts it back in his pocket, along with the pen.
I don’t like working with a partner. None of us do. But we have learned not to question. Those who question die. Not that dying is a punishment, or even a bad thing. It just messes things up for the rest of us: work schedules, vacations, and the like.
Unquestioning obedience is a gift, one I was given specifically when I was set apart for this calling.
I sneak a peek at my new partner’s hands. They’re huge, completely out of proportion to the rest of his body.
He has bigger guns than I do.
Possibly as much as a gigajoule.
Rats.
I catch his glance at my hands, then I catch his smirk as he looks away again.
Physiology and anatomy. I can only do so much with what I’m given.
I sigh.
Yet we sit together in sacrament meeting. I still don’t know his name.
After the sacrament is passed, I retrieve my notebook and pen from my purse. The talks begin, and I write.
In glyphs.
He unzips his scripture case, and retrieves a pair of specs out of the pocket.
It’s my turn to smirk, as he is not happy.
The monks may have more firepower, but when partnered, the nuns take the dictation and give the orders.
But soon I space out, writingwritingwriting. I must get it right and my language abilities are average, not always up capturing the nuance of a situation. In this case, I’m not even sure what I’m saying, and that unnerves me. The only thing I can decipher for certain is “the unique dangers.”
Sacrament meeting ends.
He nods in the direction of my notebook, takes off his specs, and we go our separate ways.
I drive home, throw my vintage 1980s outfit in the dirty-clothes hamper (I still don’t know what’s wrong with the ’80s), and fall into bed.
I’m exhausted, and I don’t know why.
• • •
HE’S NEVER been here.
I can tell because he can barely keep from puking into the swamp, and his neoprene skin is making him fidget and wiggle.
Definitely a roving monk.
“Gas mask?” I ask and offer him something that very much resembles Cthulhu.
“I am not wearing that,” he snaps.
“Little bit touchy, are we, Monk?”
“Shut up, Nun.” He doesn’t offer his name. Probably something boring like John. “Pray.”
I do.
The sun is just setting when he locks his 0.75-gigajoule disperser down to his titanium gauntlet with much exaggeration. “Got your affairs in order?”
Break a leg in nun-and-monk speak.
I stand for a minute and stare at his gauntlet and matching gun, both so much more decorated than mine, engraved with lightning bolts. My gauntlets and weapons are engraved with paisleys. Pretty, but …
Pretty.
Feminine.
To do a job like this.
I grit my teeth and pull my left-hand disperser out of its case, lock it down to the gauntlet, lay the telescoping barrel along my titanium-covered index finger, then lock it down with tiny clips.
Point and shoot.
Once my right extremity is similarly burdened, I click my night-vision goggles down over my specs, and lead the way into the twilight, into the swamp where it’s already dark as midnight, downdowndown, gradually being covered in slime until I’m chest deep in it.
Yeah, it stinks. But this is where I work, so I’m used to it and I’ve already stuffed my nose with Mentholatum. I have the clearest sinuses in the Atchafalaya basin.
I haven’t been allowed to go into the swamp for the last two weeks, since the flood waters from up north began rising in earnest. It’s taken that long for my sensors and weapons to be recalibrated for the extreme change in environment. The animals have been driven up out of the swamp and what crude oil was left on land has been pulled back into the water. With water comes mold, fungus, mosquitoes, and other diseases, but that’s not a concern for hunters. The crude, well … I don’t know how—or even if—the sludge will react to the extra radioactivity my partner brings, which is orders of magnitude above mine.
But we don’t question, because to question is to die. The general authorities overseeing our gadgetry supply us with whatever we need to do our jobs.
“Why aren’t we taking your boat?” Only now do I detect a mid-Utah accent. Great. A JelloBeltian.
I grab a palm full of water and let it trickle back out through my fingers. I still have a hand full of refuse. “Look at that. It’s soup. Chock full of plants. Oil. Trash from the floods. I don’t want my motor bound up in—” I point to a heavy drape of Spanish moss that floats on the surface. He looks around. Spanish moss is everywhere. “—that.”
He says nothing and we trudge through the thick water.
“Crocodiles?” he asks after a while.
“’Gators, rather,” I say. “They won’t bother us.”
“I know that,” he snaps. Again. He might as well be a ’gator, he’s snappin’ so much. He’s not questioning, but he sure is murmuring.
Murmuring doesn’t get you dead. It might get you injured, though. Very distracting activity, murmuring. I’d rather he not murmur around me when he’s got enough energy to melt a ton of steel.
(I bet it kills him he can’t control a whole gigajoule.)
“Where were you last?” I ask conversationally as we wade through slime, our dispersers primed to shoot.
“Gobi Desert,” he answers, and I catch something wistful in his voice.
“You liked it there.”
“Yes.”
“What were you hunting?”
“Had a band of specter demons going through the villages. Wiped ’em out.”
Specter demons.
Psychiatrists call it “auditory or visual hallucinations,” a symptom of several psychiatric disorders, but we know what they are: Lucifer’s army, waging war on those of us with bodies—on our bodies—because he can’t make any real headway in his war on Father and Mother.
Specter demons are the grub worms of the psyche, chewing up people’s neural pathways like grass roots, leaving dead lawn behind. We’re allowed to attempt to heal the damage, but we mostly can’t. We’re only required to get the demons out of our plane and bar them from future entry.
Like internet trolls.
But there are a lot of internet trolls.
At the blip of a shadow in the corner of my eye, I point and blast. Swamp water explodes and covers us like debris-ridden oil rain.
“Eeewww.” Even I’m grossed out as I flick it off my neoprene skin.
The monk rubs his fingers together, brings the substance to his nose. “Well, you got ’em.”
Good. The sacrifice of my skin will not have been vain.
Demolition demons are the worst. They usually show up in hospitals, disguised as Staph infections, gangrene, pneumonia. The advanced demolitionists manifest as cancer catalysts. The more skilled a demolitionist, the greater power it has over a cell’s ecosystem. Medicine will arrest what it can, and we may be able to do the rest, if we get there in time.
No demon has the power to kill a human; they can only sow the seeds of disease—physical or mental—and let nature take its course. That’s the pact the Parents have with us, their children: Lucifer cannot kill us. Yet he continues to search for a way to do so and this, the Atchafalaya basin, is one of his biggest training grounds and laboratories.
I don’t know why he bothers.
Generally, we don’t interfere in a disease process. There is a time and a season for everything. Repairing psychological damage—attempting to, anyway—is different. The schizophrenics, bipolars—not all are caused by specters, just as not all diseases are caused by demolitionists. But it’s very rare that science loses a human body to disease if its turn on earth isn’t done. Not so with specter-induced mental illness.
Several hundred demolitionists burst up in rapid succession, coming for us. They’re small, about the size of a barn owl, and usually invisible to all but us.
It takes both my 3-megajoule dispersers and the monk’s behemoth to pop that ambush right on back to hell, for lack of a better word. Technically outer darkness either hasn’t been built yet or stands empty awaiting its prisoners once this Earth is cast back into the celestial recycle bin.
“Hmm,” I say because I can’t keep myself from stating the obvious. “This is not normal.”
The swamp waters aren’t as still as usual. I don’t know if it’s the oil or if there are more demons here than the water can hide. With pelts of moss and a slick over it, it should be harder to displace than water alone.
A battalion bursts out of the water and charges us. They’re no match for us both, but the sheer number of them is cause for concern.
So. The flooding and oil aren’t the only reasons I have a roving monk at my side.
… the unique dangers. I wish I knew what that meant.
Generally, we only make a little headway each night when we hunt. Lucifer replaces the demons almost as fast as we can dispatch them, but never quite fast enough. Out of the hundreds or—like tonight—the thousands that we send back to him in an evening, perhaps collectively, we will have lessened their numbers by a factor of ten.
Sometimes I wonder why we bother.
The water settles.
“I don’t know why we bother,” says the monk wearily.
I look at him sharply. Can he read my mind? I’ve heard it’s a possibility, a gift given to the upper echelons of our kind.
I answer by rote: “So someone can live and fulfill the measure of their creation.”
“Deb, I heard it in correlation meeting last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. Don’t want or need to hear it while I’m hunting.”
He’s jaded.
Bitter.
“How old are you?”
“Four twenty-three.”
Oh. I’m only fifty-eight. I feel that I’ve missed some important information.
No wonder he didn’t like having a nun—and such a young one—take the dictation.
He knows my name. He probably knows everything about me.
“What’s your name?”
“Ezekiel Alleyn.”
Oh. My. Stars.
The water bubbles and I don’t dare think about him as we go about magnifying our callings with weapons powered by cold fusion. Not magic, not supernatural.
Technologically advanced and genetically enhanced.
Like the demons.
Like the hunters.
There is no supernatural, no magic, only puzzles that haven’t been solved. Even we hunters don’t know how most of our technology works, and I’ve always wondered how much the general authorities who build this stuff know.
I figure they get their instructions like Noah did: Here are the blueprints and the supply list. Go to it. Don’t ask any questions.
The hunters’ DNA is altered when we’re set apart for our callings. I don’t know how that works, either, but considering Jesus healed the blind and the lepers …
Something brushes up against the back of my leg, wiggles its way between my feet. “Bonjour, mon ami.” The smallish ’gator flips his tail up behind me, making a splash.
The monk steps away to escape the oil-and-debris rain.
“You have a lot of friends here?” he asks.
What an odd question. “Of course I do.” He, of all people, should know the extent of my enhancements. I couldn’t work this swamp without having the flora and fauna understanding of and sympathetic to my purpose.
The ’gator maneuvers through my legs, and around again, making a figure eight, like a cat. He wants my attention, so I trudge to a log and he climbs out of the water so I can scratch his oil-slicked head with my titanium claws.
He almost purrs.
“Non, chèr,” I tell him in Cajun. He doesn’t understand English. “I can’t get rid of him, sorry. He’s my boss.”
“He’s whining, Deb. What are you doing to this place?”
“He’s just a baby.”
“A baby you’ve spoiled rotten. Tell him to go home. We have work to do.” I translate as kindly as I can and he slides back into the sludge, but not without a swipe of a tail at the back of Ezekiel’s knees.
He glares at me. “You tell him he better never do that again.”
We spend the night sludging through the swamp, sending demons back to Lucifer. Our dispersers mess with their molecular structure somehow—or at least, that’s how it’s been explained to me.
We don’t speak. Ezekiel—
Oh. My. Stars. I can’t believe I’m hunting with Ezekiel.
—isn’t familiar with this terrain and I need to keep the awe out of my eyes and voice.
“Don’t believe everything you hear,” he mutters.
I don’t like that he can read my mind. I feel … naked. I don’t look so good naked.
“Are you trying to mess me up?” I ask. “Pick a fight? Because if so, I’ll take some personal time for the rest of the night and let you do this by yourself.”
“Watch your mouth, Sister Judge.”
I gulp. That’s the second time he’s dressed me down tonight, on top of his surliness at being here. It makes me rethink my abilities, my attitude.
“Don’t start doubting yourself now,” he grumbles as we trudge through the swamp. “I don’t need a hunter with a self-esteem problem at my back.” I purse my lips. “And no, I’m not here to kill you.”
Good to know. I’m not ready to go back to real life and do normal human things, which, in my case, is nothing useful. I’m not even qualified to fry beignets.
But he sounds as if he might like to be released, and the second I think that, he snorts.
“Please stop doing that,” I say. “Sir.”
“Yet.”
I gulp. I don’t know whether he’s out of my head or not. The best I can do is attempt to clear my mind and concentrate on my work.
That’s probably what he wants.
Maybe, after four hundred and twenty-three years, I’ll want to be released, too, to start life afresh from the prime of life, looks and libido restored, memory erased, to go on and marry and procreate like the rest of everybody.
I don’t know, though. I really don’t like kids.
“Where are you from?”
“London.”
That shocks me. “You sound like you’re from Utah.”
“I’m an excellent actor.”
“Did you— Did you ever see any of Shakespeare’s plays?”
“I worked at the Globe. I was called to this position by King James after he saw me in Henry V.”
Now my self-esteem is truly in the tank. I have nothing more to say and no questions that I want the answers to.
We work into the wee hours of the morning, dispatching thousands of demons who guard the scientists and demolitionists in varying stages of development. It would have taken me months to finish off that many by myself, but Ezekiel has a mister on his disperser that casts the radiation out like a spray bottle. I don’t have one of those.
Yeah, okay. I’m jealous.
I’m human. Genetically superior, granted, but still human. I’m as susceptible to heartache and discouragement and envy as any other human. Just like any other calling in the church, you go into it with your personality and abilities as your only strengths—and sometimes those become your weaknesses.
As a hunter, I’m middlin’. I show up on time, do my job pretty well, try to catch a TV series or read a book or two now and again. We have quotas (like every other program in the church), but since this is our job and we’re paid (not well), it’s not like visiting teaching, where you can flake with impunity. My numbers are perfectly average.
I’m okay with that. The job is stressful enough; I don’t need the added stress of competition. But it’s easy to be okay with it when you work alone, and you were called even though everybody knew you’re average at everything. It’s a little more difficult when you’re working with the High General and you realize you’ve been a little complacent.
He slides a look at me.
It’s just too much. I don’t care if he is the High General—he has no right to my thoughts, and I’m hurt that the Parents allow it. “I’m going home,” I say, and turn around to find my way out of the swamp, baby ’gator at my side.
He doesn’t say a word.
LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!
Also, Metairie is, along with Algiers Point, and Da 1/4, my likely landing spot.
Finally making the move back?
Sigh… yeah, the cost of living and having friends who like me and don’t think I’m garbage is proving to be a powerful lure. Eh, la, la.
Those are good reasons indeed.
Thanks!
Mormons have monks and nuns?
No. It’s a nickname in this story.
I did fight through to the end, but present tense still bugs me.
I find it totally baffling that people jave preferences like that. I chose a book and always just went on the ride the author wanted to take me on.
I don’t even notice tense or person unless it gets screwed up.
I’ve done my best to explain it, but even at the best of times present tense sounds wrong.
It’s not so much a preference as an innate response.
Third person present tense would be weird, I think. I don’t recall ever seeing it.
First person present tense doesn’t bother me, if well done. Its kinda the way we experience reality anyway.
Third person present tense is the only one I haven’t used. It’s not appropriate for anything I write. Some day I may think up a story that demands to be told that way and I will do it the way it needs to be done, but I can’t foresee that time.
I think it works for very short stories, or short stretches within a longer work, but I can’t see myself tolerating it for anything longer.
I should say, other than second person, which I have no interest in at all, nor does anyone else. I always exclude that by default.
But you would get to use thou and thy a bunch!
I’m already used to that. I grew up praying in thou and thine and thy. Folks don’t do that so much anymore, but I do. My mom always told me that was more formal and proper and respectful to address God that way, but then I went to college and found out that’s the familiar.
But you use “you” and “your” for second person.
I think the familiar is more proper for addressing God than the formal.
It gets more confusing because thou and thine used to be the familiar.
What always confuses me is that I learned 2nd/3rd person in Spanish class, not English.
Tu is 2nd person singular, equivalent to thou.
Usted is 3rd person singular, equivalent to you.
So, in my brain, 2nd person always means the familiar. You is stuck down in 3rd with he/she/it.
In English, you v thy is formal v familiar, not point of view.
I’m not a Gramarian, but i think usted would be a 2nd Person Familiar. It is just conjugated the same as the 3rd person case so it gets stuck down there.
Doh! 2nd Person formal
Usted is formal, not familiar. Tu is familiar.
And you are probably right, it is stuck down there because of conjugation, but, I never had a teacher say, its 2nd person but conjugates like 3rd. It was always listed as 3rd person.
So even though I know better, I have 35 year old habits that stuck.
I’m the same way. I always think of it as 3rd person until i was thinking about it in this conversation i never realized why.
I got hit by inspiration years ago and wrote about 3 pages of a story in 3rd person present tense. Never finished it. But I think it fit. I don’t know if I would have continued in that tense. Started with something like “The city burns. From the docks and shipyards in the west, to the suburbs in the East, the city burns.”
Great story, BTW, Mojeaux.
I find 2nd person very, very hard to get through.
You over over the reply button, words half-formed in your mind.
You obviously weren’t raised on Choose Your Own Adventure novels like I was.
I was not. In fact, I’d never even heard of them until a few months ago. Of course, since the first one was published when I was 17…
Loved them! I also liked a similar series where your choices let you travel through time, Time Machine.
Excellent! I like everything about it!
Thank you!
That never works.
LOL
Definitely a refreshing change of pace from the standard bastardized Catholicism found in most demon hunting stories.
It’s funny you should say that. Catholicism is accessible by everyone. Judaism is too to a certain extent. Evangelicalism and other protestant flavors not as much or not as completely grokked. Mormonism is totally closed off.
Part of my goal in writing Mormons is to try to make it accessible to people, teach the jargon and make it more familiar to the general public as possible.
Isn’t that partly Mormons’ own doing with the temple ordinances? That’s always given me an uncomfortable feeling of secrecy.
Yes, but—and this is a big but—our worship rites aren’t secret at all. Our vocabulary isn’t, either. It’s just so intertwined with theology that it’s hard to get a grasp on. Further, our culture is just like any small-town pearl-clutching old-lady culture with some quirks, and it’s the quirks I want to show.
I understand the need for “sensitivity readers” (and trigger warnings) even if I don’t agree with them. You pick up a book, you get what you get. Stop reading or give a bad review or both, but it’s not the author’s job to make you comfortable.
OTOH, it’s very irritating to me when someone who isn’t a Mormon but is CLOSE to Mormonism writes Mormons and gets details wrong. Dead giveaway. Don’t know anything about it but you write a book about them anyway? Whatever. You’re a hack and/or propagandist and I can dismiss you with impunity. What other people do with that (wrong) information, well, it’s nothing we’re not used to.
Even though I’m not a fan of C/J/K horror for other reasons, I find a lot of people who don’t like it, feel that way because the Buddhism that is intertwined into the context is alienating, and they don’t even recognize that. The Dharmic view of the world, and the afterlife, is radically different than the Abrahamic – while humans share the same base fears, our reactions to those fears are heavily influenced by culture.
C/J/K is China/Japan/Korea?
Yes.
That’s my issue with it, really. It can be difficult to find reliable English resources for some religions for various reasons. Mormonism as an apt example is difficult because it is hard for an outsider to separate factual information on the religion from the propaganda; many non abrahamic religions are either poorly documented in English or suffer from being compared and contrasted to christianity and not being held on their own. Then there are the various pagan religions of Europe, detangling even a single aspect of them is a PhD thesis all on its own. Catholicism though? Sure, the Vatican may not be the most transparent organization but their beliefs and symbols are very well documented and easy to find. The laziness of messing up very simple things on the religion are therefore somewhat less excusable. For example, a catholic priest getting unnerved by an upside down cross, because that’s obviously satanic; except a catholic priest would be very familiar with Saint Peter’s cross and would be confused as to why the demons were trying to summon the Pope.
I mostly chalk it up to horror being my jam, and that I’ve read so much that those things stick out. But after reading untold numbers of stories with bad catholic settings that could be corrected with five minutes on the Vatican’s website, this was honestly a very refreshing point of view. Take my novelty bias with a grain of salt, though, I’m jaded to the genre.
In reading this, I think you would really like the anthology. There’s only one story in it I don’t like, but my partner and his co-editor assured me it was appropriate for the genre and excellent work within that genre.
Just purchased it, liking it so far; I’m curious about what story you didn’t like.
Not gonna say.
Then a full thorough review of all the stories it is then.
The Papa di tutti Papa at that.
That said the upside down cross has been appropriated by the Satanists. Certainly in the US.
True, but I hold authors to higher standards than edgy teenagers. Besides, American satanism is more a reaction to protestantism than Catholicism.
Awww.
*slumps shoulders*
Authors want my time and money, they can put some effort in. That being said, your works are a bit outside my normal fare, but I’ve enjoyed what I’ve read so far.
My reaction is also meant to be a joke.
I assumed as much, but I don’t think I’ve taken the time to tell you that I enjoyed your writing; seemed as opportune a time as any to rectify that oversight.
This reminds me: I need to read UnCiv’s story end to end.
Will read this one end to end also, when its done.
I’m trying to come up with a fake medical term. I had “Hematophagic Necromorphy” but then I was reminded the Necromorphs were the beasties from the dead space series. So I’m looking for a logically equivalent term
I had thought it clever, because it allowed for Sarcophagic Necromorphy and Neurophagic Necromorphy. In the end it’s just supposed to be a pretentious way for the fictional doctors to refer to vampires, ghouls, and zombies.
Use Greek.
‘necro-‘ and ‘-morphy’ are from greek.
Then use Italian Greek.
So that’s what the Greeks called Latin?
Create a fictional doctor who first isolated a disease or described it. Vanquar’s Syndrome, Chufari’s Palsy, or what-have-you.
Athanathropy
nice zero google search results
It probably is a neologism.
What are the roots that go into that?
Sorry, Athananthropy
Athanatos = not-dead
Anthropy = human
Thanks.
Being used in place of “undead”, I can see that.
Thanato- death
Trope- to turn
To turn to death; vampiric equivalent of lycanthrope for werewolves.
Use mortis as in rigor mortis or something
or răposat and say it comes from Romanian
You want more vampire references?
the Necromorphs were the beasties from the dead space series
Unless your story is in that universe, I wouldn’t sweat it.
I hate the feeling that someone’s going to point at my work and accuse me of stealing something that I didn’t.
I mean it’s one thing for someone to go “that character was just quoting ‘the King in Yellow'” because the response is “yes he was”, but when I’m not stealing, that’s a whole different matter.
And I’m thinking of having a side conversation about “the approved terminology” between a couple of the options.
Haven’t read it yet because work is a beast today, but as a practicing Mormon (Latter-day Saint, etc.) I am looking forward to noshing on it tonight. Thanks Mojeaux!
w00 h00!!! Can’t wait to get your reaction.
JelloBeltian has only 3 google search answers all from the same individual.
The story was interesting although I cannot say I got much insight into Mormonism beyond the hell not existing yet thing maybe. Or I dunno. I did not mind the present tense but found the single sentence paragraphs unusual although I suppose id does add some tension to it.
Is the final boss a tentacle demon who takes away nunly powers? Or it does not work that way?
I’m guessing the “Jello Belt” is a geographic region.
“Jello Belt” refers to the intermountain west (up and down the Rocky Mountains). It’s a poke at Mormons’ fondness for Jello and recipes emanating therefrom.
In fact, in that anthology is a story about a green Jello concoction that comes to life to devour everything in its path and must be defeated.
Sounds like a fun premise. Was the story any good?
My first response is OF COURSE IT WAS HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY ABILITY TO SEE GOOD WORK?
My second, more measured, response is, yes, it was good.
Re single sentence paragraphs.
She is speaking in first person. People don’t speak in long, coherent paragraphs nor do they think that way.
There is a natural speech rhythm to it.
FWIW – I enjoy single sentence paragraphs that mimic normal speech. The only caveat being it can be challenging to determine who is speaking – you executed perfectly so not a problem.
They do when Ayn Rand is writing them.
Oh, you mean real people.
Don’t get me started. In her books, I don’t really mond it because I read it for the fable it is. In the movies, though… ?
In fiction, you walk a careful balance between how people really speak and getting information across efficiently. Sometimes, characters MUST speak in coherent paragraphs, but they also must do it in a “natural” way.
You are … way way way off, but that’s fab. I can’t stand it when people can predict where I’m going.
I mean, I tell people up front that my romances have happy endings.
But that’s why people read romance, so it’s a given. It’s how you get there that’s the fun part.
I can’t stand it when people can predict where I’m going. – that was a joke not a prediction 🙂
Oh, heh. ?
Yay happy endings!
*tips masseuse
Ruv you rong time
Good read btw.
Thank you!
‘The Jello Belt’ was one of the films of the BYU 48 Hour Film Festival about three years ago. Did not get a theatrical release.
Great read, Mojeaux! Looking forward to learning more about this character.
Thanks!
Thank YOU!
Oddly enough, this reminds me to go and clean my carbine. (No euphemism.)
James was a Mormon?
No, but he was a devoted demonologist.
Interesting…
So a guy who has direct experience with the diabolic converted.
If you are talking about James, no. The church didn’t exist until 1830.
If you are talking about Ezekiel, well…
I would read more, eagerly!
Yay! Thanks!
Like UnCiv’s story, I like the premise. Will read, if I don’t forget.
For some reason, my visual image of the protagonist is . . . hayeksplosives.
A friend of mine did a sketch. I’ll post it in a bit.
This excludes her from looking like the protaganist:
We’re not very good looking
Awww…
Well, I do like that the weapon capacity is given in mega joules and gigajoules.
ballparking:
.357 Magnum ~ 0.0007MJ
I was pretty sure I messed that up righteously.
The Navy railgun has muzzle energy (KE when leaving the barrel) of 32 mega joules. A 5 inch Navy gun is more like 14MJ.
What one of my colleagues and I want to do is a 320megajoule gun. So yeah, a full gigajoule is asking the wielder of said weapon to absorb a good bit of “equal and opposite” reaction.
FIVE INCHES!? And how much are we paying for a gun the size of a toothbrush?
Not sure if you’re making a joke. The bore is 5 inches.
should have included the link: https://www.reddit.com/r/quityourbullshit/comments/4v6zlm/newspaper_thinks_that_the_navys_new_5_inch_guns/
Now your comment makes sense!
I realized that the person would have to be able to absorb the shock, but I figured a 423-year-old demon hunter should be able to do so by now.
Could a railgun mitigate recoil by a more graduated acceleration of the projectile?
anything could mitigate recoil by a more graduated acceleration of the projectile
if you’ve got a year or two for your windup and delivery, almost anything is possible
think of it like a blue-linesman getting his wheels up on you from across the ice and checking into next week
checking (you) into next week
Wouldn’t you need a longer rail if you’re still aiming for the same velocity? Or are you thinking of putting it on some sort of circular track for accelleration before letting it out a gate?
Beats me. That’s why I’m asking hayeksplosives.
Inductive storage might be an intriguing sci-fi twist. Then the energy is stored in magnetic field, not electric field. Much more energy dense.
So if you imagine a source or great current going around and around a racetrack, that’s storage, even though there is certainly motion and a detectable magnetic field. Now imagine another smaller set of track next to and tangent to the main one that’s carrying current. The main current has to throw an “opening switch” while carrying current, and a “closing switch” on the smaller track. Some current then surges into the smaller track (the weapon itself) and does its job.
That has the benefit of being theoretically possible but difficult because today’s switches don’t like sudden changes in current. Huge voltage spikes occur. So cool potential look to it, plus implies ability to tap into energy stored in “ the Big Track” which could be an ability that distinguishes your hunters.
Love it.
Thank goodness I have my own copy of the whole thing! 😉
?
That was a fun read!
I’m having a suck ass day at work, so that cheered me up. Thanks!
HM *wishes* he could have more suck ass days.
Thank you!!! I’m glad I could help.
But, but, how can this be a Mojeaux story with no vaginal intercourse?
We don’t know that.
I can’t help it. This is just too precious
The gun shop closure was one of a handful of other enforcement actions by SJPD on Tuesday, including similar shutdown talks with three smoke shops, a pet grooming business and a flower shop, none of which resulted in citations. Officers also broke up a pickup basketball game at a city park, reportedly telling the participants they weren’t abiding by social distancing advisories with man-to-man defense.
Saving us from ourselves, no matter the cost, no matter the danger.
The Founders spin in their graves.
So switch to zone.
The gun shop closure
That’s the best example of how people are piling their pre-existing agenda onto the panic. Unless they are ordering all retail stores closed, there is no conceivable justification for singling out gun shops as a communicable disease control measure.
People are afraid, and so they are going to buy guns to go looting.
An outbreak of looting sounds like an excellent reason to let people buy guns.
See RC, this is why you’ll never cut it as a politician.
Here in the people’s republic of NJ right on my town’s web site it notes that firearm purchase paperwork will not be processed.
Who could have seen that coming…
Replied to Brooksie by accident.
They must mean new permits – which take a couple of months anyhow. If you waited until today to apply for a permit in NJ, you waited too long.
Or are they fucking with the local gun store – who check your permits / ID then run you though the FBI database?
See my reply there.
That they want to close gun shops (and confiscate guns, see hurricane Katrina) during a time when innocent people might most benefit from having them tells you all you need to know.
Lol. Like there was any lingering doubt!
At least they are consistent, eh?
That and the refusal to relax any of the nanny state BS like single use plastic bag bans or self serve gas ban or blue laws (in any meaningful way).
So a zone defense is o.k.?
oooh. This is really precious. I could see RC Dean wishing he was chief counsel of the defendant:
SoftBank Owned Patent Troll, Using Monkey Selfie Law Firm, Sues To Block Covid-19 Testing, Using Theranos Patents
Basically, a company that neither makes any products, nor licenses any of its technology, bought up Theranos’ patents in a fire sale and is now suing to be paid royalties on every Tom Hanks Disease testing kit a testing kit manufacturer ships.
If I were the firm’s general counsel, I’d wait till the last day and then file a fire-and-brimstone response full including claims regarding any violations of legal ethics or that court’s procedures I could dredge up. I would liberally sow the word ‘extortionate’ in the response.
Hopefully the defendant’s liability carrier doesn’t cave and settle over the defendant’s objections.
Theranos had legitimate patents?
Legitimate?
Depennds on the definition.
Legally speaking, yes. The Patent office pretty much approves any plausible patent without checking for any proof of it working in real life. They depend on court challenges to invalidate bogus patents. Basically, private enterprise had to pay – through the nose – to police the system.
Meritoriously speaking, no. All their shit was fraudulent and didn’t work.
In the eyes of the law, though, the patents are still valid because nobody has sought to invalidate them.
So what you’re saying is all i need to do is come up with an idea, and then bullshit a way that i could do it and bam i have exclusive ownership of that idea?
Only if you have the money to pay the lawyers to harass people who make things.
Not so much “exclusive ownership” as “the right to take a disproportionate cut of any receipts”
In that they had patents filed with the patent office?
Yes.
Whether they actually cover anything that works is a different matter.
Oh and I’d countersue seeking a declaratory judgement of non-infringement.
That keeps them from seeking to dismiss the case without prejudice.
Salt their fucking fields, and drop JDAM’s on their houses until the rubble is reduce to fine sand.
Nuke ’em till they are sub-atomic particles.
So the Chinese are giving us 500,000 tests, but the Japanese are trying to stop us from producing tests.
Seems legit.
The Japanese are trying to stop us? To what end?
Never mind. I just sat down and started reading up from the bottom of the comments. I haven’t caught up yet.
Something is up with Japan’s reported rates.
I’ve been following them and the rate of increase has greatly slowed. My thinking is they are making a great effort not to test. My conspiracy theory is that it is Olympic related.
Also, Japanese culture in general. I’ve heard via acquaintance rumor mill about employees being told that if they test positive, it will go against them professionally. Comports with the news stories of some of the reactions to disaster workers who supported the Diamond Princess.
What is puzzling is the lack of deaths, unless those are getting miscoded as well.
“ employees being told that if they test positive, it will go against them professionally”
Man, that’s just terrible. Talk about bad incentives…
Or another
https://soranews24.com/2020/03/05/japanese-company-tells-worker-he-probably-doesnt-have-coronavirus-to-come-to-work-with-a-fever/
Welcome to the land of the rising sun.
I would def file whatever I needed to file to keep from losing.
But my schwerpunkt would be political. Get Congress and/or the President to block them via legislation or executive order. Should be dead easy. Let SoftBank fight with the DOJ over that was a “taking”.
At this point, the phrase “Theranos patents” should get it thrown out. Everyone in the industry knew they were lying for years before it blew up.
That was my first thought as well. It is good tactically, but strategically, I’m not so sure. Something about giving the government that much control over the economy makes me queasy. They claim extraordinary powers during normal times. I’m not going to give them a turn-key fascist state during an emergency.
Two thoughts:
(1) My job would be to get results, fast and hard.
(B) I think that the turn-key fascist state horse has left the barn, shot the farmer, and burned down the farmhouse. Just look at what is already being done in response to the CCP Flu, a disease which nowhere has gotten within an order of magnitude of the annual influenza cycle.
New marvel superhero, part of the new impulsivity series. Name: Cuckold and he is proud of it.
https://thehardtimes.net/harddrive/new-marvel-superhero-cuckold-wears-name-as-a-badge/
Here in the people’s republic of NJ right on my town’s web site it notes that firearm purchase paperwork will not be processed.
GRRRRRRRRRR…
In a sane world, that would be a lay-down win for the lawsuit claiming a 2A violation. A great example of how every license (by whatever name) is a prohibition wrapped in a bureaucracy.
Do they mean new permits – which take a couple of months anyhow? Or are they fucking with the local gun store – who check your permits then run you though the FBI database?
They mean no new permits. And I’m assuming the same for a new ID card.
You are exactly right – they take months – but now they are simply being more openly hostile.
I think after one town or county played games with a resident there is a now a statutory six month issuance requirement, but that could be my imagination.
Assholes.
Glad I live in a town with no police force (and the Mayor is a shootin’ buddy). I go to the State Cops and they are far more professional.
Oh, just like the FBI using coronavirus as an excuse to shut down on,Jane FOIA requests.
HT Don
^on,Jane^online
on Jane is probably more fun than being on line
I just got in from going about town on several errands.
No panic here. Stores are fully stocked. People are just going about their normal business. Everything is open.
Now is the time for me to stock up and clean the mini-14 and Saiga 12.
Oooooh, you have a Saiga? Very jealous.
Well, I had one before the canoe turned over….and 8 ten round mags. And 1500 rounds of 3″ buckshot – half #4B and half #00B.
My FIL called me from the lake yesterday. Something about losing a dingy and needed to be picked up on the shoreline.
The market I shopped at today was low on a lot of things that I’ll just look for tomorrow or something (it’s just across the street). Like there was 96% – and only 96% – ground beef (whaa? I’ve never even seen that before). “Reduced fat” peanut butter – pass. Had a fun back-and-forth with a guy stocking eggs where he thanked me for asking for just one dozen and we agreed that people are getting stupid.
Had the same experience – only ground beef was the super-lean stuff. Blech.
Mix in some ground pork or veal for meatloaf or meatballs. That’s what I’m doing tonight.
Treat it like ground venison, basically
There was a ton of that at my store too (beef and veal mixture) – but I didn’t want that either.
people are getting stupid
Getting?
My grocery store actually had bread, and some meat, back in stock this morning.
Nevada issued a 30 day business shutdown but Vegas mayor rightfully argued you will destroy all industry if you don’t roll it back to two weeks (still too long).
I told my wife continue to operate until some jackboot thug cites you for your grooming business.
I have been thinking about your wife’s business. What kind of vehicle did you purchase? Did you rehab it? How hard was it? Do you have water in it? What’s your power source? Do you haul it or does it drive?
Its a trailer that over the past year we have been modifying for the business. Built in the electrial system with LED lights, water proofed the walls and floors. Built in an RV tub with a clean/grey water tank system. We mainly operate off a generator but can plug into shore power if needed. All self containing.
I argued that we are no different than food delivery service and offer no contact pickup/drop off service.
As to hard to retrofit it? Some aspects because there is only some scant standards to RV parts vs. Home parts.
Plumbing required some ingenuity since it isn’t exactly an RV nor a typical home bath/shower.
Everything else was fairly easy. Our goal was so slowly buy the batteries to be able to do no generator jobs (nail clipping, brushouts, trims, etc). We would need an asinine amount of batteries to run the hairdryer which is about 17-18 amps.
I’m asking because we are going to move to a smaller place. I will need a place to work. If we don’t find a place with a garage or a basement or both, I’m going to have to get creative. SO I was thinking a camper trailer or cargo trailer/toy hauler/conversion van/cargo van.
What I really want to do is to be able to go park in a park all day and work. This creates one problem: a toilet. If I had a bug-out trailer or tinynhome, I would want an incinerating toilet, but I imagine that takes a lot of juice. If worse comes to worse, I can rig up something primitive.
So that aside, I would want water, but I don’t need it. It’s not something I’m going to wash dishes in and that’s what Clorox wipes are for.
I am on the fence about whether I NEED A/C or not.
I would very much want a small refrigerator for bottled water and lunch, but I can use a cooler.
Other than a fridge and A/C, I just need lights and juice for the laptop, scanner/printer, and device chargers.
I would also want a bed so I can take a nap and tell my husband I’m working.
Its doable and there is a great youtuber who documents a complete overhaul of a trailer.
Biggest thing is to calculate your power needs and determine what you will need to provide the juice to it. You need to calculate how much amps you will use per hour.
We are eventually going to battery/solar (its Vegas…lots of sunshine) but the dryer like I said is our biggest draw.
Insinershitters are awesome and while have a high amperage it is only brief and not continuously consuming power.
whether I NEED A/C
You’re far enough west that an evaporative cooler would work on a lot of day. They’re inexpensive, require little power, and you can just sell the damned thing if it doesn’t work out. But, on those humid days, it’s not going to help: it will actually hurt.
All SEC football teams use them . . . in exactly the only place in the US where they are NEVER effective. If only those universities knew some experts on heat and mass transfer they could consult in this matter.
Oh whoa whoa whoa now, no. Swamp coolers do not exist here. In fact, I didn’t know what that was till I went to Utah.
AC is to take humidity OUT of the air. The LAST thing you want to do is put humidity IN the air.
It is very humid here almost all the time (although not Florida-humid). We do not do swamp coolers.
It’s very humid in Utah??? I’ve never been to Utah, but having spent a fair amount of time in surrounding states, I find that hard to believe.
I lived for years on the Gulf Coast, so admittedly anything less than dripping-wet air feels comparatively dry to me.
Mo is in Missouri,
Do what now? I don’t live in Utah. I live in Kansas City.
I said I didn’t know what a swamp cooler was UNTIL I went to Utah.
Before air conditioning was widespread they were a thing in Louisiana. They didn’t work worth a damn. They would bring the air temp down 2 or 3 degrees but everything in sight had moss and mold growing on it.
Now managing the liquid water taken out of the air is the biggest problem. It is common to have a pump with a float switch in the drain pan of your AC and a line leading outside. I put two 4×4′ grow boxes near the house and put my drain line in them.
I know how psychrometrics works: grad credit and a career half spent in HVAC here.
The maps show you’re on the edge of the zone: that means some days out of the year it works. Yes: it works in most of Utah most of the year; the maps agree.
I will bet you a steak there was plenty of evaporative in KC before direct expansion became affordable, and those folk thought they were lucky to have it until they learned something else existed.
@Don, yes, I apologize. I didn’t read through the rest of your post before hitting REPLY because my eyeballs bugged out like a cartoon character’s.
I grew up without AC, but we would put a tray of ice cubes in front of a fan. We also had a ceiling fan.
I saw Utah and that’s all my brain registered. Sorry.
oh, we’re good; it’s a tough medium on a good day, and I’m rough around the edges
We don’t really disagree: you’re on the edge.
I wouldn’t fool with it in a million years for that application, but you’re tough, feisty, flexible, and on a severe budget. Client needs and temperament are everything. I suggested it because you already know what the options are in direct expansion: you can buy any number of superb solutions for portable AC.
As to Suthen’s experience, that was criminal. His part of map is clearly labeled ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!11!?
Huh.
I hit “evaporative cooler” and stopped reading. I apologize.
Our small AC unit can do Fan/Cool/Dry
So it works for pull the moisture out of the air and works awesome after we bathe a dog and start drying.
Oh…and great story!
Thanks!!!
Subject matter for you to write about Mojeaux: What It’s Like to Isolate With Your Girlfriend and Her Other Boyfriend…
Porn for cucks.
Who am I to judge?
*rolls eyes*
I am very judgemental.
I judge so others don’t have to. I judge enough for entire demographics. Frankly, the world needs a bit more judgement, along with a liberal dose of shame and mortification.
Hateful.
Yeah, so about that. There’s a whole subgenre for that. Reverse harem. Not very imaginative, but there you go. I was going to write one just for the money. but I couldn’t stomach it. So I’ll write the story anyway, just not make the other 3 dudes interested in the heroine.
AND I was going to write a dystopian where suddenly the fate of the survival of humanity requires polyandry.
But
a) other people have done it better than I could
b) I write alpha males
c) I can’t respect a dude who’d be okay sharing his woman, under pressure or not.
My wife was watching something the other day and an ad came on for another movie they were going to feature and then another. After a minute I said “Good Lord, that is the chickiest chick channel on TV, isn’t it?”
“Why do you say that?”
“The story lines for every movie isl the same one. ‘Ridiculously attractive woman must choose between multiple handsome suitors’.”
She waived her hand at me. “Don’t you have something else you need to do?” and then she was glued back to the TV.
They’re like comfort food for the feelz.
I was going to write a dystopian where suddenly the fate of the survival of humanity requires polyandry.
See: The White Plague by Frank Herbert.
Right. And Ursula le Guin (I think). So I decided not to bother.
Could be interesting to see the past tradition of Mormon polygamy gender-reversed due to dystopian conditions. The White Plague meets The Folk of the Fringe.
Yes that’s what I thought: turn our history on its head.
And I loved Folk of the Fringe.
Leave it to the French. The punchline is in Tim Worstall’s comment 😉
MJ stories; there’s nun better!
Also Tulsi drops out of the race and my ass, followed by drugs, and her endorsement of gropin’ Joe.
Thank you!
Fun! I have a few questions but I expect some of them will be answered as we go along. Or not, I’m OK with that too. 🙂
You can ask. If it’s not plot- or subtext-related but more vocabulary/culture, I’ll answer it.
Nope. Rather wait to the end. But thanks!
Website NSFW, but the content (mostly) is
https://www.pornhub.com/insights/corona-virus
So I am in “self-isolation”. I do work at the ATCT in Las Vegas. The news mostly got the information right regarding the tower closing but the Tracon (located in the base building of the tower) took over operations.
I work on an isolated floor bit the FAA and their management refused to say who the controller was that tested positive. I know, medical confidentiality and all but it would be nice to know what shifts they worked so I can determine my exposure.
Oh well, off for 14 days it is…
Meant to be a post on its own…i blame the quarantine
Sorry own. The lack of information as to where confirmed cases are/were makes it harder for everyone to take appropriate measures on their own. A lot of it frankly I think is bureaucrat ass covering for their own fuckups in tracing. As it spreads, that really will matter less.
Yeah its okay my kids are enjoying making fun of their old man being quarentined.
PH recommends avoiding contact with others because being by yourself doesn’t mean you are alone. *looks at right hand*
Enjoyed this Miss Mojo. Thank you.
Thanks!
Look for an email from me later today. This weekend was brutal with two paritcular clients and I had a meltdown.
No worries; I’m going to send you an updated version of the .doc – I found and corrected a couple of errors.
OK, I got through the story. I was a late arrival. Good job MoJeaux.
Thanks!!!
Mo…check out this channel for trailer ideas.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV22beMUoJI9VszwIELLYXQ
Thank you!
What I’d really like is a little vintage Shasta but those are rare and dear.
At first I misread the title as “Monsters and Morons” and thought it was another Glib political story.
I like that.
BTW great story Moj
Thanks! I’m hoping the [[[others]]] here will really enjoy it. [[[We]]], like the expats in Japan, seem to be overrepresented here.
Socialist learns that math doesn’t give a fuck about your ideology.
https://freebeacon.com/latest-news/rich-socialist-restaurateur-lays-off-hundreds-amid-coronavirus-outbreak/
“We know the numbers don’t work but what we are trying to do is too important to be held back by math.”
– Bernie campaign organizer, 2016
I think socialists should all wear old fashioned exaggerated dunce caps.
I’m upset I didn’t see this coming as I feel like I should have expected it.
The EU Wants Netflix to Lower Streaming Video Quality to Prevent the Internet From Breaking
I’d say fuck em, cause Netflix was one of the biggest drivers behind ‘let me use your infrastructure for free’ aka Net Neutrality. I guess now they get to see what it’s like when the internet is treated like a utility.
It’s an interesting dilemma. I pay my ISP to deliver me the data I request.
OTH, I understand their desire to manage and scale their network. Netflix is a really interesting “free rider” problem.
Netflix and other streaming services are the primary reason ISP’s can get a lot of people to pay more for higher bandwidth.
Yup and from my perspective If I’m paying for that rate you need to deliver that rate.
However the ISP doesn’t fully control the entire path the data travels. Hence the games the ISPs were playing with Netflix (and vice versa) until they called a truce.
Naturally the paying subscribers to both Netflix and the ISPs were the main victim.
You’re also missing Netflix’s transit provider in there as well.
Netflix has mitigated that somewhat since by placing their own appliances close to the access networks of ISPs.
https://openconnect.netflix.com/en/appliances/
Yeah, I was trying not to bore everyone with that.
I followed this fight closely as I thought it was a really interesting business problem.
My favorite was Comcast increasing peering when it knew the feds were monitoring throughput and after the testing was done immediately removing it.
Similar fun with trying to comply with CALM Act (perceived loudness in tv ads)…
ISP’s are not free of criticism, so much so that is why barely anyone was willing to defend them on the issue. But the way Google, Netflix, et. al. got the populace hyped about having to pay for bandwidth used drove me crazy.
Huh this twelve pack of Guinness and bottle whiskey is not going to last me through the isolation.
Watched most of Hunters last night. It was like the Witcher. Had some good and some bad. Heavy on the republicans/conservatives being Nazi lovers
Conservatives don’t love Nazis?
Can someone direct me to the Nazi lovers?
Go to any political office of any team
The Zero Hedge commentariat.
Get’em!
Got’em!
Can next season be about victims of Stalin, Pol Pot, and Mao killing communists?
But those are the good guys! /bernie bot
They just can’t quit fantasizing about killing imaginary dragons (perceived political enemies).
The absurdity, of course, is that they have no idea what a national socialist is and most of what they are doing is projection.
I can’t respect a dude who’d be okay sharing his woman, under pressure or not.
*uptwinkles*
MEM municipal golf courses have closed.
I was thrilled they had stayed open, but we went from two cases to twelve.
If I were mayor, I would have kept them open and cancelled the fees. Cashflow doesn’t matter, so there’s no reason to have a clerk or starter, but there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to play with the same foursome of friends and family that you’re probably seeing every week anyway. The can mow, we can play, and everyone can stay 100 yards apart: I don’t see the problem.
Not Panicky enough.
everyone could be required to hurl a wedge at someone once each on the front and back nines if that makes them feel better
The courses at my dad’s club remain open, however…..the range is closed, so is the halfway house snack bar, no rakes in the traps, no bottles of dirt/seed mixes in the carts, no water on the course, no towels. Basically, nothing that multiple people would handle.
That’s just it. These dumbfucks are just downright stupid. Just like during the Obama shutdown, they used resources to keep people from walking/driving/whatever on open lands.
The lack of information as to where confirmed cases are/were makes it harder for everyone to take appropriate measures on their own. A lot of it frankly I think is bureaucrat ass covering for their own fuckups in tracing. As it spreads, that really will matter less.
It occurs to me a lot of “voluntary” closures are being driven by legal concerns, as in- “How many people can we expect to sue us for giving them the plague?”
Voluntarily closing is one thing. “Nice business you got there…” closures are borderline hysteria, especially since the Gov is picking who is/isnt “essential”.
I have a good friend who is a gym rat. Its his routine, his release valve. He cannot go. His anxiety was showing the otherday and he cannot think of a way to substitute. That is a receipe for spousal abuse or worse in my opinion.
My wife is going to get there soon. If she doesn’t get to the gym regularly, the stress is going to build to unhealthy levels, and take one guess who is going to get the brunt of that stress when she explodes?
This is why my wife is out running with a friend right now, and I’m working and watching the kid. I need a stir crazy, hormonal, pregnant wife about as much as I need a nail in the eye.
She can only run so much. It doesn’t have the same effect on her.
I’m thinking about running down to Play It Again Sports and picking up some used dumbbells so she can do some of her usual routine.
we went from two cases to twelve.
OMG HOCKEY STIX!
Finally found a moment to comment. Off to an intriguing start, Moje!
My mission for today was to find a local joint (i.e. not Panera) that could deliver 20 box lunches to our office tomorrow, since the bosses are springing for lunch. Oh, yeah – also needed to accommodate those doing meatless Fridays for Lent. Mission accomplished…as long as the governor doesn’t suddenly decide to shut us down.
Thanks!
Mo, I give this a 97. What did your bishop think?
I hang out here, precisely so i don’t ever become a bishop.
“You’re not a man, you’re a bishop!”
“My name’s Fred…..”
::whispers:: Psssst…Tres! If you want a Bullwinkle’s food fix, better get it quick!
Nobody in their right mind wants to be a bishop.
I have a line in my bishop book:
“How do you get that job?”
“If you’re smart,” he said wryly, “NOT voluntarily.”
tl;dr I don’t know if he even knows what I write
Whether the question is in jest or not, I’ll give you a serious answer (I may have told you this over dinner, but I can’t remember): Before I published The Proviso, I told Mr. Mojeaux I was risking excommunication and would he support me in this. Since it was his idea for me to publish it, he said, “Of course.”
So I’ve been waiting in low-key dread for 12 years for excommunication that does not seem to be forthcoming. Now, I suspect that the bishop I had whom I would have expected to call me on the carpet actually DID read my books or at least enough to know things aren’t exactly G-rated or completely kissing the church’s feet. But he should have also read enough to know I’m still an apologist.
Anyhoo, at this point, the church has bigger fish to fry than one obscure author.
Interesting post on Insta about likely CCP Flu mortality rates – bottom line, expect something in the 0.1% range.
That’s pretty much the mortality rate for flu, unless I’ve misplaced a decimal.
Never liked Pennywise the band but this song should be on the lips of everyone in America…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hflx4J_L9cs
My guess was correct.
I kept pushing for that has a song for sprints in the spin class I went to…
I really like Pennywise. Especially that song, today.
Thanks, Own.
Sorry about the quarantine.
I should clarify…their first album is awesome. Once Bro Hymn came out I lost interested.
The other is this…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8de2W3rtZsA
This is gonna be a long two weeks
Seems like gun history is a big Glib thing lately.
Anyone wanna edit a gun crossword?
I’m sure someone would take a shot at it.
I sent it to Hyperbole but haven’t heard back, and I don’t know if he’s the gun nerd I am and has all this junk memorized since the sixth grade
@own, lookie what I found!
Might be easier to build one from scratch, lol.
LOL At the 14-minute mark he says, “I’m going to bite the bullet and rebuild it from the ground up.”
I’m going to assume the only original part he has left is the “Shasta” sign.
What, you weren’t satisfied with the original Battlestar Galactica?
I guess this is where I admit I only saw a few episodes of it, but the lore of its Mormon-ness is occasionally bandied about with the enthusiasm of a 6-year-old with his first set of Ninja Turtles. “Look daddy! Look mommy!”
I like this.