Friday Morning Links

by | Mar 13, 2020 | Daily Links | 574 comments

Sports

Sports is cancelled.

Pluto discoverer Percy Lowell was born on this day. He shares it with Swiss writer Emanuel Stickelberger, physicist John Van Vleck, cult founder L Ron Hubbard, CIA scumbag William Casey, Swiss composer Ernst Hess, cartoonist Al Jaffee, jazzman Blue Mitchell, Alaska politician Frank Murkowski, serial killer Donald Haskins, underrated actor William H Macy, businessman (((Jamie Dimon))), baseball player Will Clark, actress Annabeth Gish, and football superstar Trent Dilfer.

Macy

That list sucked. Whatever, everything in the world sucks. So let’s get on with…the links!

You know what would go over really well right now? A war with Iran. Just what we need, although there’s to ways that could be headed off. 1. Iran stops killing American servicemen over seas,  or 2. We don’t have servicemen overseas for them to target.  I’d ideally opt for #2, but would also be happy if we started with #1.

Big if true. It would also mean the mortality rate is on par with that of the flu. But let’s use this to panic instead of do the math and realize this freakout is overblown.

Yeah, sure. Listen, if you’re swayed to vote a certain way because you read a tweet or retarded Facebook post by some crazy “Russian”, you should be disenfranchised, rather than having our entire political system and the concept of free speech undermined.* (*I mean free speech, not the First Amendment in case you were wondering.)

This idiot’s wife is sick.

Justin Trudeau’s wife has got the Wuhan. OK.

This lady has more balls than the rest of the world “leaders” combined. Well, either that or inbreeding makes one immune.

When failing at something pays off. Dude needs a psychiatrist.

And finally…some good news. Or more likely, a sliver of hope.

Topical song #1Topical song #2. And topical song #3. 😉

Now go out there and keep living your lives, dear friends. I’m getting home today and I’m gonna go buy a boat.

 

About The Author

sloopyinca

sloopyinca

574 Comments

  1. Swiss Servator

    “That list sucked.”

    Hey, it has TWO Swiss on it! That makes up for a lot.

    • sloopyinca

      I put those in there just for you, buddy.

      • Swiss Servator

        I suspected as much.

        *salutes*

      • C. Anacreon

        Wasn’t Al Jaffee the guy who created “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” back in the Mad Magazine glory days? Good job channeling him.

      • Festus

        It ain’t a first gif unless it is the ass-slapping Russian Whores gif. This is known.

      • Swiss Servator

        That one may be simply reserved for late nights, and such.

      • DEG

        They’re Russian? I did not know that.

  2. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Iran needs to yank the chain on their dogs. The last thing they, or us for that matter, need right now is a war.

    • UnCivilServant

      I’m still hoping the Iranian people deal with their mullah problem.

    • Swiss Servator

      They might want a distraction from their plague filled days.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I was thinking that too. If they’re thinking that I suspect that’s a gross miscalculation.

      • Swiss Servator

        Maybe they will only have the infected generals run operations?

      • Festus

        A Journal of the Plague Years

      • AlexinCT

        Week ago: Allah sent it to punish the wicked!

        Now: Looks like we got it good…

      • Gadfly

        To me that second statement makes the first statement look like it might be true.

      • AlexinCT

        Precisely the point I was making. These fuckers got what they deserved.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I think that this is really about sating the Saudis so they’ll stop trying to bury the US economy.

      • Swiss Servator

        They tried that once or twice before – they don’t have the ability anymore. I believe it is more of a “OK, you do something, and the folks that do it will very specifically pay the price. Now, leave us alone, so we can draw down in peace and quiet.

  3. UnCivilServant

    I’m gonna go buy a boat.

    I should work up a way to steam the wood to finish the hull of my boat. It’s been sitting on a shelf for a while.

    • JD is Unemployed

      Cat butt me, but a) does anyone else listen the Monday podcast from TOS, and b) what did you think of Welchie Boy’s sneery cutting down of The Jacket? What the hell happened between those two? KMW and Suder-man must feel especially awkward. The tension is getting worse every week it seems.

      • UnCivilServant

        ^(^
        (*)

        A) I don’t

        B) Not applicable, since (see A)

      • JD is Unemployed

        F*&^*($ squirrels. How’d this end up on UCS’s comment?

      • Sean

        Quite the metrosexual squirrel, painting his nails and all.

      • Atanarjuat

        I haven’t listened since the Dave Smith/Jacket debate where I finally stopped being in denial that the latter are waffling swamp creatures, but find this development intriguing.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I don’t but that seems interesting. Is it possible to share a quick take-by-take of what’s going on?

        Does it seem like more personal umbrage/personal falling out or more on political differences and writing?

        No need to write an essay or anything!–But I would be curious as to what the general feel for that is from your POV.

      • JD is Unemployed

        In recent times The Jacket seems to have become more pragmatic, and realistic about Trump, and Welch has really taken umbrage at that. He seems to view Gillespie as just a Trump apologist or contrarian, because he’s the only one there that calls out Welch’s TDS. This week is got particularly frosty, with Welch accusing The Jacket of having some soft of “anti-TDS TDS” or something, which all came out of the discussion at 30 mins in.

      • The Last American Hero

        I’m sure Nick made some passing comment at lunch one day about how NATO is no longer needed.

    • I. B. McGinty

      Go on…

      • UnCivilServant

        Well, I bought a sixteen inch wooden boat model. It has individual planks for the exterior hull, but they’re not flexible enough without some sort of steam treatment to attach them to the frame.

      • I. B. McGinty

        Can you wrap them in a wet towel and hit them with an iron? Or do you need to actually put them in a steam box?

      • UnCivilServant

        They’re pretty thin, that could work.

  4. CPRM

    They cancelled the XFL! I’m sick of all this panic. Every month some new thing is going to kill us all and we HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!

    • Swiss Servator

      Large gatherings when an infectious disease is spreading rapidly are…contraindicated.

    • Festus

      They set up a table at work today with sanitizers, nitrile gloves and the like. Untouched through three shifts and just another surface to wipe for poor old Festus.

      • Swiss Servator

        Dude – hork the whole pile and sell it on eBay to panicky soccer Moms down here in the Chicago suburbs!

      • Festus

        But that would be stealing! HOW DARE YOU!

      • JD is Unemployed

        Also eBay is restricting or banning sales of such items because “price gouging”.

      • Jarflax

        Ah yes the prog logic of envy. Needed item is expensive, therefore some poor person might be dissuaded from purchasing it, therefore ban or restrict the sale of it. Now no one has it, fairness achieved.

      • AlexinCT

        They asked everyone at my company to work from home today….

        Supposedly so they can stress test the infrastructure to see if it can handle it..

        And the division of my company they asked to do this has some 14K employees…

      • Brett L

        Supposedly so they can stress test the infrastructure to see if it can handle it..

        At least they’re getting something useful out of this bullshit.

      • AlexinCT

        I already pointed out to them that the company system can handle it, but the over infrastructure in the NE, because of the usual government over-regulation, will have several weak-points. At least they will discover whom is in one of those zones where internet throughput will cause the system to go down.

    • JD is Unemployed

      The joke was going around that “the XFL is to play all it’s games without fans in attendance, it’s unclear as to whether or not this is due to coronavirus”.

    • Bobarian LMD

      Who knew the started the XFL?

  5. Rebel Scum

    Sports is cancelled.

    Nerds rejoice.

    • Swiss Servator

      Humor aside, I do wonder if the increase in usage of various game servers, etc will strain even my their activities?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        As long as Pornhub doesn’t crash.

      • Rebel Scum

        A friend tells me that he keeps a stash of photos in a secret, unsuspecting folder on the computer in the case of just such events.

      • Sean

        Photos?

        OK, Boomer.

      • DEG

        Yes. Pornhub crashing would be bad.

      • Rebel Scum

        Yeah. Having to run games via Steam is quite a nuisance, or so I am told.

      • Nephilium

        Go long on EA stock?

      • Cy

        T is look pretty sexy right now… Going to wait it out another month for when the panic really kicks in.

      • Swiss Servator

        Dude…your avatar is like an open invitation to SEA SMITH….just sayin’…

      • Cy

        Don’t judge…

      • AlexinCT

        SEA SMITH DON’T JUDGE. HE JUST RAPE!

  6. Certified Public Asshat

    FWIW, I do hope the PL resumes (even if it means Liverpool gets crowned). For my stupid-ass team, Davies, Sissoko, Son, Bergwijn, and maybe Kane would be fit to play in some of the final games. This means the special one has 9 games with a health(ier) squad to actually pull them into a European spot.

  7. Private Chipperbot

    Michigan just cancelled all K-12 schools for three weeks (one week is spring break).

    • Festus

      Women’s World Curling is done like dinner. No foreign hotties coming to my town. Has a sad…

    • Nephilium

      Just trying to follow Ohio’s lead once again.

  8. Rebel Scum

    The Russian trolls are back

    Operating out of Canada in support of Bernie.

    • Rhywun

      The goal, according to experts who follow Russian disinformation campaigns, is to inflame divisions among Americans and provoke social unrest.

      “That’s our job.”

      /CNN

  9. Trigger Hippie

    Happy Birthday, Will “The Thrill” Clark! The prettiest swing I ever saw.

    Now, off to work!

    • sloopyinca

      Then I guess you never saw Ken Griffey Jr swing a bat.

      • JD is Unemployed

        Disagree. I’m a big fan of Griffey, but Will Clark’s is the swing of all swings.

      • robc

        Ted Williams?

      • AlexinCT

        Long dong silver?

      • pistoffnick

        Mandingo?

      • C. Anacreon

        Mark Grace had a pretty sweet swing.

    • Festus

      John Olerud. Smooth! Like Buttah!

    • I. B. McGinty

      In high school a friend could replicate his signature so Will Clark “signed” my yearbook. But it is an easy signature to replicate.

    • KSuellington

      Right on TH, I am also a huge Will Clark fan. I remember as a kid watching his first at bat against Nolan Ryan.

      • Don Escaped ORD

        I think he’s from Baton Rouge, but Clark played for Miss St. My grandmother went to exactly one professional sportsball exhibition in her life, my guest as the TEX Rangers hosted I forget whom; I have caught exactly one foul ball in my dozenish MLB games. With this ancient hillbilly lady at my side, Clark tumped it in my lap, and I promptly handed it to her. A few years later would come the bustle in the house, and mom would return with the ball; it’s still in the guest room.

        I never liked Clark: arrogant, distant, and a bit too much like myself for comfort.

    • Agent Cooper

      Bonds. Fastest hands of all time. Just as efficient as The Splendid Splinter.

  10. Certified Public Asshat

    Want to know one major reason why South Korea has had stellar rapid response and quickly produced & scaled up to 10k+ tests/day?They have a single payer, #MedicareForAll system.We don’t.Please remember why it’s so important for us to fight for healthcare as a human right.— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) March 12, 2020

    She’s got it all figured out.

    • Trigger Hippie

      I have a right to other peoples labor, time, knowledge and energy. You all are just my serfs.

      NOW, off to work.

    • Drake

      I was going to guess “because they are all Korean?”

    • Slammer

      North Korea has free health care, too

      • UnCivilServant

        North Korean treatment for Wuhan Virus – Bullet to the head.

        No, I am not joking.

      • AlexinCT

        Is the bill for the bullet then sent to the family of the deceased? Cause that’s how you really do single payer healthcare cost management.

      • Certified Public Asshat

        *whispers, Italy too*

      • Count Potato

        Doesn’t China?

      • Certified Public Asshat

        No, not that kind of free healthcare, the other kind.

      • leon

        Selling point for AOC

      • AlexinCT

        Also what Bernie bros fap off to thinking about the future…

    • invisible finger

      So they’ve done 300K tests so far. In a country of 50 million.

      Color me unimpressed.

      • Drake

        Funny thing about the diagnostic lab business. It isn’t really an international business becuase most countries are socialized medicine. They just don’t do much testing and when they do, it’s at a shitty goverment lab. The U.S. has far more private lab capacity per person than anywhere in the world.

      • invisible finger

        From what I’ve been told by someone who works in a lab, the “test” is usually just to see how active your antibodies are. If not unusual, you are “clean… for now”.

      • cyto

        The antibody test (ELISA) is specific to the disease. They put some of the antigen (pieces of the virus) on a tiny plastic dish and add your blood serum. If you have antibodies to that disease, they will stick. Then they wash it off and test for the presence of antibodies.

        This will tell you if you have been exposed to that virus.

        The other test is for the genetic material of the virus. This is the PCR test. It uses specific pieces of DNA called primers to make millions of copies of the viral DNA. So even if a tiny amount is present, it can detect it. This detects the current infection with the virus, even if your body has not yet mounted an immune defense, and it can tell if the virus is clear from your system.

      • invisible finger

        Thanks.

        So in order to do the test, the lab first needs the virus.

        Therefore, it would seem to me that the complaints about “not enough tests” are really “not enough virus” sine ELIA is nothing new. And getting the virus out to labs is more likely something the CDC handles. Routinely.

        And I would bet they probably did their job as best as could be expected. The pants-shitting comes from people who expect humans to work miracles and have every lab stocked with every virus the instant the virus is discovered somewhere on the planet.

      • Festus

        ^ yep

      • Drake

        The complaints about “not enough tests” and generally ignorant – like reading a NY Times article about clips for your AR-16. There is probably a desire for socialized medicine embedded in there despite the fact that socialized medicine would destroy diagnostic testing.

      • Pope Jimbo

        To be a bit contrary (and not disputing any point you made)….

        I did a project years ago with a state health department to try to help track flu outbreaks. There was a machine that did the test and would spit out a reading on a printed slip of paper. The technician would then put that slip into an envelope and mail it to state HQ, which then mailed results to CDC.

        Basically it was about six weeks from test to the CDC putting the data into a database. Our goal was to enable the machine to transmit a simple yes/no & date to a server that would push to the CDC too.

        Utter fucking disaster of a project. Technically it was fine. The machine wasn’t hard to update so that it could send a https message. The problem was with regulations and state/fed officials.

        Even though there was no sensitive data, because it was “health” data everyone was very very “concerned”.

        Then there was the dick measuring between state and fed officials on who got that data when. And the various workers who worried about their phoney baloney jobs.

        In the end, the pilot was successful, but it went no where because the status quo was fine and dandy with most of the people involved. So what if it took six weeks before it became apparent that there was a flu outbreak.

      • AlexinCT

        Basically it was about six weeks from test to the CDC putting the data into a database.

        Government work at its best…

      • Drake

        That’s horrible, and why you don’t want to be tested at a hospital (unless it’s a Mayo). Hospital usually have their own labs for basic stuff (pre / post-op tests) but nothing as sophisticated as this test – but they often don’t like the big labs as they are competition for $$.

        If you or a loved-one has flu symptoms, go to your doctor or clinic, request that they do a respiratory swap and send it to Quest Diagnostics or LabCorp. The turn-around-time is 3-4 days and the results are real.

      • UnCivilServant

        Where’s the price tags and online order forms?

      • Drake

        Doctor or Nurse has to order it (thems the rules from the government). Supposedly all the major health insurers are covering 100% of the costs. If not, still probably in the $100 range.

      • UnCivilServant

        I should be able to get whatever tests I want to pay for. There is no reason why it should require any gatekeepers.

      • Drake

        I agree – and in some states (but certainly not NY) you can request a test without a doctor, walk into a lab patient service center, have your blood drawn, and get the results through an app.

        But… the lab PSCs only do piss and blood tests – not the swaps. And it sounds like they do not want their phlebotomists messing with potential corona patients.

    • Rebel Scum

      healthcare as a human right

      Seems like a tacit acknowledgment that positive rights are not rights because they require something of other people.

    • leon

      Looks downthread at the NHS Single Payer solution of “Centralized Testing”.

      yeah, Mrs “emergency programs” is definitely not trying to use the latest panic to once again get her sick ideology pushed through. I’ll grant her that she is a One track mind, but kindly go fucking suck down a cyanide sandwich commie.

    • Bobarian LMD

      So does China, you stupid bint.

  11. Drake

    Have they officially cancelled the Olympics yet?

    • straffinrun

      Please cancel it. Please.

      • Festus

        Hey! The Winter Olympics are pretty cool.

      • straffinrun

        I’m just being selfish. Big pain in the ass for me.

      • JD is Unemployed

        It’s inevitable. Besides, I don’t think they can top the last one anyway. The diving pool water turning green from algae was a nice touch.

        IIRC some athletes refused to attend in 2016 because of a zika virus scare, so if coronavirus is a way bigger problem, then way bigger droppings out?

      • straffinrun

        Just do “The Corona Games”. You can only attend if have it.

      • Gadfly

        The last time the Olympics were canceled was due to WWII. Funnily enough, Tokyo was set to host them then too.

    • R C Dean

      Thee was a time when I would have been very disappointed if the Olympics cancelled.

      That time has passed.

  12. CPRM

    Nobody believes the numbers from Chinazi, but why is everyone assuming they are downplaying the numbers? Wouldn’t it actually be more beneficial to upsell the numbers? Their economy was already starting a rapid decline; wouldn’t the smart play be to cause the rest of the world to panic to bring down their economies as well?

    *chews aluminum foil*

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The issue is the lack of transparency and you can’t tell if it’s the truth or not. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.

    • UnCivilServant

      They are trying to save face, and keep people from moving to non-chinese supply lines. China can’t actually survive having the rest of the world’s economy crash, since their whole house of cards depends on it.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      There’s no way the ChiComs would overestimate their numbers.

      Their entire regime is built on selling themselves as more competent and capable to their people.

    • invisible finger

      It would be more beneficial to brag-lie about how well the govt has things under control.

  13. Festus

    “Gonna buy a boat!” Here is a rusty coal shovel and over here you’ll see the burlap sacks full of green backs that will be required for the care and feeding of your new pet. j/k Have fun, Sloop! Going to teach the kids to water-ski or is it more of a “Gentleman’s Arrangement”?

    • sloopyinca

      Will start with tubing. And that lake is full of bass, so we will probably do some fishing as well.

      • Brett L

        Second best day of your life!

      • sloopyinca

        Yeah, I know.

      • Festus

        Neat! I was just being Glib, as is my wont. Some of the best times spent together with my girls were on a lake fly fishing. Treasure those moments, Sloop!

  14. The Late P Brooks

    I went to costco yesterday. What a goat rope. It was packed, worse than Christmas. I got far enough to see the chaos at the cash registers and left. I don’t need anything badly enough to put up with that.

    I did not bother to even get a feel for what people were buying.

    • Swiss Servator

      Our stores were stripped of toilet paper (wtf?) anything hand sanitizer related, anti-bacterial soaps (uh…virus anyone?), and bottled water was going fast (seriously?). Plus a general run on everything else.

      • Nephilium

        Yeah, one of my coworkers was saying that all the anti-bacterial soap was cleared out. I let it sit there for a minute before pointing out the current scare is for the coronavirus. One thing that we all did find entertaining was that Clorox wipes already had the blurb on their packaging that it kills coronovirus.

      • R C Dean

        My exact thought.

      • Shirley Knott

        All of us are stupider than any of us.

      • invisible finger

        Bottled water in 16 oz bottles was going fast. The shelves of water in gallon jugs were fully stocked.

  15. Rebel Scum

    Mr Trudeau is in good health and has no symptoms, according to his office, but will remain in isolation for 14 days.

    Too bad it can’t be permanent.

    • Festus

      Shoulda went to Mime College. I don’t generally hate politicians, knowing what they are, but he pushes the boundaries.

    • Slammer

      Holy smokes, maybe black face is the vaccine!!

    • Atanarjuat

      Their infographic on how to avoid physical contact with the infected was actually pretty helpful.

  16. Certified Public Asshat

    Everyone’s a socialist in a pandemic.

    There may be a silver lining here: What if the virus forces Americans and their elected representatives to recognize the strength of a collectivist ethos? The coronavirus, in fact, offers something like a preview of many of the threats we might face from the worst effects of climate change. Because the virus is coldly indiscriminate and nearly inescapable, it leaves us all, rich and poor, in the same boat: The only way any of us is truly protected is if the least among us is protected.

    So what if we used this illness as an excuse to really, permanently protect the least among us?

    No.

    • Festus

      I don’t fear the disease so much as the knock-on effects. Woke up this morning hung-over and full of dread (as one does on Thursday).

      • Bobarian LMD

        If you woke up this morning on Thursday, it’s been a long day.

      • Festus

        I work nights. Don’t judge me!

    • Q Continuum

      Fuckin’ commies.

    • invisible finger

      The virus in fact offers a preview of the many threats of collectivism and groupthink.

    • leon

      forces Americans and their elected representatives to recognize the strength of a collectivist ethos? … it leaves us all, rich and poor, in the same boat: The only way any of us is truly protected is if the least among us is protected.

      1. Fuck off.

      When you are part of a collective, you are just an asset and a resource. Being part of a collective is no guarantee that all individuals will be protected. In fact it is guarantee that many will be sacrificed for the rest. And since in the end any “collective” is just an illusion, what that means is that you become just a tool for some other person to use to keep themselves safe. Go fuck of you commie fuck.

    • Fourscore

      When this whole fiasco is over in a few weeks the gov/pols will take credit for their quick and decisive action to save us. Wall Street short sellers will be happy as, well, Wall Street short sellers. Meanwhile all the deficit paper printing will be another albatross around the necks of the tax payers, savings will have disappeared and the shelves will be jammed with tp and no one buying ’cause they overstocked when S(didn’t) HTF.

      We are lucky to have the best and brightest in charge when “We Have to do Something”.

      Its getting tougher and tougher to kick the can down the road.

      • Cy

        “whole fiasco is over in a few weeks”

        This is going to be a minimum 3 month thing. If i had to guess, it’s going to be closer to 9-18 months, that’s not taking into account the economics side of things.

    • mrfamous

      “I’m no medical expert, but one thing is for certain: this situation completely vindicates and confirms everything I already believed.”

      • Fourscore

        More people will die today from cancer, in the US, than have been infected (in the US) to date.

    • Plisade

      Every*thing* is a socialist, including the virus…

      “virus forces Americans”

      “virus is coldly indiscriminate and nearly inescapable”

    • B.P.

      The government has literally advised everyone not to come together.

  17. Rebel Scum

    Dude needs a psychiatrist.

    That’s MA’AM to you.

    • Swiss Servator

      He is an E-1 convict…it’s “Shitbird” for him.

      /Not Sen. Feinstein

      • leon

        No. Her sentence was commuted. She was a private citizen who was thrown in jail for refusing to testify in the bullshit case against Julian Assange.

      • Bobarian LMD

        The first sentence shouldn’t have been commuted, but the second incident was bullshit.

  18. The Late P Brooks

    There may be a silver lining here: What if the virus forces Americans and their elected representatives to recognize the strength of a collectivist ethos?

    The talking point! It’s contagious!

    • Bobarian LMD

      It is metastasizing.

  19. Rebel Scum

    That was fast.

    South Carolina’s Palmetto State Armory is having a little fun with Joe Biden’s meltdown in Michigan earlier this week when he was questioned about his plans for a ban on so-called assault weapons and “high capacity” magazines.

    The firearms manufacturer is now selling an “ANGRYJOE-14” stripped lower receiver that features several jibes at the anti-gun candidate.

    You’ve got your “Dog-faced ponysoldier” reference (actually, two of them), and a couple of Biden-centric options for your fire selector. For $49.99, it’s an attractive option for any gun owner who wants to laugh at Angry Joe and exercise their right to keep and bear arms at the same time, though with an 8-10 week delivery date, by the time the lower arrives Biden will likely have made several other bizarre statements about our Second Amendment rights.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      No “You’re full of shit” lowers? I am disappoint.

    • Atanarjuat

      That dog-faced pony soldier cartoon would make an excellent t-shirt.

  20. Festus

    So we get to have a cold snap just prior to the Vernal Equinox! Wind chills projected to be -35 for a few days and I still have 3 feet of snow in my yard. Lousy Smarch weather!

  21. Nephilium

    So my trip to Vegas in April has been cancelled as the event I was going to go to has also been cancelled. What a shitty year for my company to adjust the PTO policy. Currently still planning on the trip to Europe in June/July. Here’s hoping this has all blown over by then.

    As I’m traveling back home today, I’m half tempted to order a hand bell off Amazon, so I can walk around ringing it while announcing, “UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!” to help with my social distancing.

    • Atanarjuat

      Don’t forget to wrap your exposed body parts in dingy strips of cloth.

      • Bobarian LMD

        As opposed to his normal cellophane wrap?

    • UnCivilServant

      I just hope this crap burns out by May.

      • Nephilium

        As do I. I’ve now got a large credit with Southwest, and an additional 9 days of PTO I need to figure out how to use this year.

      • CPRM

        Honey Harvest? We gotta congratulate Fourscore if he lives through another END OF THE WORLD.

      • Nephilium

        That’s actually a possibility now. I may even be able to sell the girlfriend on that one. Let’s see… I even have a small CO2 tank, a picnic tap, and several empty kegs…

      • Jarflax

        You are going to sell your girlfriend on a trip to Minnesota? To whom?

      • Nephilium

        The highest bidder obviously.

      • Bobarian LMD

        $5!

      • Jarflax

        $10

      • straffinrun

        I don’t think so. It’ll be around a while longer if the experts are right.

      • Festus

        Experts or “experts”. I don’t trust a single fucking thing that I’ve heard so far. Not from the CDC, the WHO and especially the heathen Chinee.

      • Q Continuum

        ^^^This. That’s what happens with the “experts” and our vaunted institutions incinerate their credibility. The Kung Flu really could be a horrible plague (I don’t think it is), but the news media, the WHO, et. al. have been trumpeting the End Times nonstop for years and it’s impossible to take anything they say seriously.

      • AlexinCT

        The world is the shitshow it is today because our expert class is credentialed and full of itself, but they are some of the most stupid and selfish fucks you could imagine. At least the previous credentialed elite classes knew they had to produce value to the masses if they wanted to rip them off. Our current “leaders” don’t give a fuck about the serfs, do not want to be held accountable, and want to create a royal hereditary class. That’s why we are where we are today.

      • straffinrun

        Hope you guys are right. I’m betting that it will still be around in big numbers into a least summer. But we shall see…

    • dorvinion

      Hoping it gets worked out by June as well.

      We have a cruise booked from Seward to Vancouver for the first week of June (15 year anniversary).

      • UnCivilServant

        My road trip starts around memorial day, and I’m going to be pissed if some stupid red chinese plague interrupts it.

      • Nephilium

        On the plus side, I’m watching the prices for the flights we still need to buy for the July trip dropping in price (one way flights out of Iceland, and back to Iceland). And you can probably get some pretty cheap upgrades for your cruise.

      • invisible finger

        I got an email from Spirit Airlines yesterday: “Never a better time to fly!”

        Of course, they are the airline that charges extra for cabin pressure.

      • Bobarian LMD

        I flew Alligient from Louisville to Vegas.

        They are the Greyhound of the sky.

        The seats were plastic, unpadded, and as close together as possible.

        The 4 hour flight out only seemed to be 15 hours long.

      • dorvinion

        They already are offering $200 of ship credit per cabin already.

        Probably wouldn’t do additional upgrades as getting a cabin with an unobstructed window was splurging for us. Our usual vacation accommodation is a popup camper.

        In hindsight I kinda wish we’d have stuck to the other alternative which was fly to Sacramento and go to Redwoods for 5 days without kids.

  22. Rebel Scum

    Extinction Rebellion Washington DC
    @XRebelDC

    XRDC has cancelled its mass die-in at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History this Sunday because of the COVID-19 pandemic.

    Responding to the science and the public health emergency declared in DC, we feel it would be irresponsible to go ahead with the action.

    They don’t seem very committed.

    • Q Continuum

      “mass die-in”

      Wouldn’t being exposed add authenticity?

    • Swiss Servator

      Yeah, have the courage of your convictions!

    • Slammer

      There must be some kind of prog Death/Danger stack, so maybe viruses are less privileged or somethin

      • Q Continuum

        Viruses of color.

      • Festus

        “Some deaths are more privileged than others!”

    • Gender Traitor

      “Those who had planned to participate are encouraged to die in the privacy of their own homes.”

      • Festus

        Unloved comment.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    McKenzie told the Senate Armed Services Committee on Thursday morning that the killing of Soleimani and the increase in U.S. troops and assets in the region has made clear to Iran that the U.S. will defend its interests there. He said the U.S. has re-established a level of deterrence for state-on-state attacks by Iran.

    I wonder if he happened to mention what specifically those interests are.

    • Don Escaped ORD

      The Most Libertarian President of All Time™ needs to get out or risk becoming another Nowhere Man.

      LBJ made similar mistakes: the ego of fighting, of being in charge, of control all trumped the question of WTF??!!

      Just shut up and bring them home. If it’s so f**king important, Iran can be nuked by remote control later.

  24. Trials and Trippelations

    I awoke at 430 this morning to tires on my gravel driveway. I am fine. Person was checking for unlocked car doors.

    It got me thinking. Though, I dont think this morning’s attempt was related (as the school system has not closed, there is a lot of gang and property crime here, and I live a mile or so from the leas desirable neighborhoods), but I suspect the nation is going to see an uptick in petty crime with all the kids off from school, sports, really any

    • Trials and Trippelations

      My kid just bumped my phone and caused a pre mature post

      *really any sort of extracurricular activity

      • Nephilium

        Hell, I feel sorry for my sister and brother in law. They’ve now got two pre-teen boys to keep home and managed for three weeks. All activities cancelled, so you can’t even send them to the movies or a park. Maybe this will finally be the time that all the parents start becoming very happy that video games exist.

      • Trials and Trippelations

        We have friends in New England that planned to visit us sometime this summer. They have 3 kids. With all the school cancellations I half jokingly suggested they come on down and visit now.

        They probably would expect one of the parents is taking courses which are now moved online. The other parent is a teacher

      • Brett L

        The latest update from my kids’ school district was “Spring break will occur as planned. Expect school to start as scheduled on Tuesday March 24” (Monday being a hurricane day we didn’t use) and then a couple of paragraphs about how the district would monitor the situation as it evolves and continue to follow the best guidance of the state and the CDC.

        I’m ready to take back half the things I’ve said about the district being lousy.

      • B.P.

        “My kid just bumped my phone…”

        The vandalism has already started!

    • Q Continuum

      1.5 years ago I woke up at 2 am to someone trying (unsuccessfully) to kick in my front door. I can only assume it was a tweaker or someone similarly desperate/stupid as you are literally taking your life in your hands trying a home invasion in the middle of the night in this county.

  25. Count Potato

    The panic buying is annoying because it prevents regular buying. I went to two stores just to buy a cabbage, and neither store had rice.

    • Trials and Trippelations

      I had to buy non walmart brand items 🙁

    • DEG

      I like #24.

  26. AlexinCT

    Sports is cancelled.

    Say whut?

    I have it on good authority people are still fapping!

    • Swiss Servator

      Very well…. team sports are cancelled.

      • AlexinCT

        No circle jerks either? What’s our credentialed elite class going to do for the dry spell?

        Say it ain’t so!

      • Festus

        Two hands is a team. Like mixed doubles!

  27. Rebel Scum

    Alyssa Milano✔
    @Alyssa_Milano

    I have tears in my eyes watching @JoeBiden right now. Thank God for his leadership during this crisis.

    Funny you should say that.

    “Unfortunately, this virus laid bare the severe shortcomings of the current administration,” the former vice president said. “Public fears are being compounded by [a] pervasive lack of trust in this president, fueled by an adversarial relationship with the truth.”

    Despite the tough rhetoric, many of the proposals Biden suggested for combatting the virus were, in fact, already central to the Trump administration’s efforts.

    For instance, Biden’s plan calls for “no efforts” to be spared in getting private laboratories and universities to help test for the virus. The suggestion mirrors a move the Trump administration took in February in ordering the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to allow hundreds of academic hospitals and private laboratories to start testing for the coronavirus.

    • Atanarjuat

      I can’t decide if politics causing people to put their faith and ultimately their lives in the hands of a comically senile kid sniffer, who was never intelligent even before his decline, is more sad or hilarious.

    • Festus

      Ya know, her hotness quotient is steadily depleting and most of her fappers are taking pills to even try anymore. What’s the deal with Alyssa Milano? The hot chicks that I lusted after when I was young are either Grandmas or already dead.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Maybe Miceli showed her who was the boss?

      • Festus

        Well certainly not the “flamboyant boy”…

    • Rufus the Monocled

      If Biden brings a tear to your eye, I have to say COVID-19 has compromised your brain – mind, body and soul even.

      • UnCivilServant

        What if I weep for the fact that he’s regarded as a viable candidate?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        That’s actually the only legitimate reason.

    • straffinrun

      Nothing shouts “leadership” than being a backseat driver and screaming “incompetent!”.

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Make that an ‘incompetent back seat driver screaming “incompetent”!

    • Slammer

      Always keep in mind these people’s highest skill set is putting on an act

    • Rufus the Monocled

      Boy did Roseanne ever get railroaded. Gilbert saw her moment and took it. Ironic that Roseanne made that cast.

      And we discovered how great Goodman and Metcalf are.

      My wife watches The Conners but even she expresses disappointment that Goodman at least didn’t stand up for Roseanne more.

      • Festus

        Wow. That’s still on? (Doesn’t watch TV)

      • Rufus the Monocled

        Yeh. Well, they rebooted it. Then Roseanne something that drove the professional perpetually outraged mad and they fired her with an ultimatum. She eventually handed the show she built over to Gilbert. They killed off Roseanne (overdosing on fentanyl no less. To drive the knife in the back deeper) and it became The Conners. Ta-dah!

      • Rufus the Monocled

        said something

      • Festus

        I was aware of the Valerie Jarrett kerfuffle but I didn’t know that the show continued.

      • Shirley Knott

        Laurie Metcalf is a g-d treasure.

      • Festus

        She was great in “Getting On”.

      • Festus

        They were all great in that show.

  28. Nephilium

    So, without giving too much away about my work. Things are going crazy in the big corporate world. I’ve been in emergency meetings for the past several days with different groups working on DR/Business Continuity/WFH initiatives. My company is moving from a come into the office to a stay the hell out of the office, and work from home mindset. Time to start worrying about local networking infrastructure if this mentality spreads.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Embrace the collective

    To avoid overwhelming limited testing facilities, the NHS said it would test only people with a “high chance” of having the illness – meaning people who had had close contact with a confirmed case or who had recently gone to a high-risk country.

    Mark Ali, chief executive and medical director of the Private Harley Street Clinic, said: “This has led to huge demand from very wealthy people asking if they can pay for private testing. Unfortunately, we are unable to offer testing, as the NHS has said all tests should be done centrally.” The Department of Health and Social Care has mandated that all tests must be carried out by the NHS and Public Health England (PHE).

    The article is about how the “ultra-rich” are looking for workarounds to avoid the teeming, snot-nosed masses, but that thing about the NHS jumped out at me. This is why we need centralized health care; so some random petulant pencil pusher can decide who gets treatment and who sits in the waiting room.

    • invisible finger

      ” all tests should be done centrally.”

      There’s your collective mindset right there. All tests should be done to expose people to as much risk as possible.

      • UnCivilServant

        And waste loads of time shipping samples to that central lab, instead of just running the test to standard protocols locally.

      • UnCivilServant

        Oh, and cause delays as that one bottleneck facility gets backed up with more and more unrun tests.

      • Nephilium

        You mean instead of local facilities standing up new testing labs? University Hospitals (also in Cleveland) is expected to be rolling out testing in the next couple of days, and I imagine Metrohealth (the third big hospital in CLE) isn’t far behind.

        It’s like there’s something driving these businesses to challenge each other to push for faster and more efficient methods. I wonder if we could come up with a name for that.

      • UnCivilServant

        Unauthorized counterrevolutionary activities.

        /Midwest Soviet

      • Bobarian LMD

        Kulaking?

    • Fatty Bolger

      To avoid overwhelming limited testing facilities, the NHS said it would test only people with a “high chance” of having the illness

      “This wouldn’t happen if Britain had Medicare for All!” – AOC

    • Swiss Servator

      Check to find the drugs that may have just fallen from your backside…

      • AlmightyJB

        I hadn’t seen it.

    • Rufus the Monocled

      Ned Pendleton.

      Perfect.

    • ChipsnSalsa

      My wife hosts a number of homeschool moms monthly and last night was that time of the month. I showed that article to the ladies and it was received with much laughter.

  30. Rufus the Monocled

    Not a fan of the Monarchy and never follow it but I agree, Queen E is awesome. So was Victoria. And Thatcher for that matter. These are strong women.

    • Brett L

      Like she’s gonna let some bug stop her from being queen. She’ll squash it like she squashed Diana.

      • Festus

        And that beastly Quadroon!

      • Gustave Lytton

        Harry who?

      • Shirley Knott

        While it’s fun (and ever so warranted) to poke fun at Harry and Meghan, I think there’s a much deeper reason than the obvious for the queen’s move. She’s protecting the line of succession. If Harry wants out, she wants to make very sure that there aren’t future problems due to lack of clarity on his status as a royal.
        If the acting up (acting out?) continues, expect a proclamation removing him from the succession.
        Just a wild-as musing.

      • Gadfly

        In addition to being the longest serving British monarch, she’s apparently the fourth longest reigning monarch of all time. If she lives four more years she’ll take the record.

  31. Rufus the Monocled

    All this angst and disruption because some retards saw it fit to eat rabies infested bats and to kill dogs in open markets and then eat them.

    • Festus

      “Bluidy Wogs!”

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The videos of those markets are something else. It was inevitable that something was going to make the cross species jump and be a big problem.

  32. Rebel Scum

    I’m sure this play will approach the topic with the delicate nuance it requires.

    The design of the play makes it look like a 1950s sitcom but instead of “Leave It To Beaver” or “Father Knows Best” family antics we are given a world where gun ownership is universal for children and parents alike, and shooting deaths are no more bothersome than a parking ticket.

    Rosina Reynolds directs the play.

    “It takes place in a utopian environment where everybody is armed,” she said. “The idea being that you’re safer if everybody is armed because everybody is somehow on a level playing field, an equal. But some of the elements that come out of that is how disconnected we become from our emotional lives and what are the consequences of that? And the play continues on this path from a very satirical opening into a rather dark and unnerving ending.”

  33. Animal

    actress Annabeth Gish

    I took a couple of literature classes at UNI from her father. Interesting guy.

    • Festus

      Oooh! She’s one of those “sneaky-hot” actresses that sorta fly under the radar. Cool anecdote, Animal!

    • Slammer

      Related to Lillian Gish?

    • Toxteth O’Grady

      *That’s* who Banjos resembles!

  34. Tundra

    Good morning Sloopy!

    And a good morning to the rest of you freaks!

    Another day, another bunch of emails from companies sharing their plans for battling the Plague. One interesting one was First Avenue. They informed me that they are instituting ‘daily rigorous disinfection of high-touch surface areas’. I hope the place doesn’t fall down when the grime is removed.

    Thanks for the lynx and tunes, Sloop!

    What kind of boat are you gonna buy?

    • Brett L

      Some wag posted a picture of the local FSU dive bar on FB (the Palace Saloon) that said, “if you’ve ever had a drink in here, you’re probably immune to coronavirus”

    • sloopyinca

      I would prefer to buy a pontoon boat, but if a decent deck boat presents itself I may go that way.

      • Tundra

        Deck boats are great, but heavy! Enjoy!

      • Cy

        How big of a truck do you have to pull this boat?

      • UnCivilServant

        Suddenly I’m seeing Sloopy in a Geo metro, all three cylinders chugging away as he navigates a fifty foot cabin cruiser along the roadway.

  35. Count Potato

    “This article is very much important to each and every one of us. Please read and retweet it. COVID-19: Further Evidence that the Virus Originated in the US.”

    https://twitter.com/zlj517/status/1238269193427906560

    Wuhan, Ohio?

    • UnCivilServant

      Communist officials are trained from a young age to place all blame as far from their own person as possible. So of course a collossal fuckup of exclusively chinese origins must be from somewhere else.

      • AlexinCT

        The gweilo did it

    • Semi-Spartan Dad

      /Dawns tinfoil cap

      This is looking more and more to me like a deliberate move to sabotage the US and EU economies. It’s too coincidental for the Saudis and Russians to rip out the floor under oil just as the hysterics on the virus reaches its peak. Whether the virus release was intentional or not (and I think it was now), the oil drop certainly was a concerted economic attack against us a virus-damage multiplier. I figure Russia and China think the damage to the US and EU will be far greater than to themselves.

      • Semi-Spartan Dad

        China could also have something far more lethal being developed and this was a pilot run to test the worlds’ response.

        /takes off tinfoil cap.

  36. Slammer


    Donald J. Trump
    @realDonaldTrump
    ·
    38m

    If you want to get money into the hands of people quickly & efficiently, let them have the full money that they earned, APPROVE A PAYROLL TAX CUT until the end of the year, December 31. Then you are doing something that is really meaningful. Only that will make a big difference

    • Tundra

      I like it.

      • AlexinCT

        Team blue and their operatives don’t. First off, they think it is their money and making the case that you are letting people keep more of they earn is simply the wrong message to send. Second, they would rather everyone die and the country burn down than go along with any sort of action that indirectly or directly hampers their number one agenda: to take back power and hide the corruption they have created and thrive on in government. As the saying goes, what’s bad for America and Americans, and what hurts or is destructive to the country or it’s people, is good for team blue and it’s aspirations to power.

    • Festus

      Why? The hat has taken control, once again.

      • Festus

        After further reflection, I withdraw my previous comment.

      • Festus

        So sue me! I’m drunk-ish again.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      But then the bureaucracy wouldn’t be able to manage it and take their cut.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      OK, I’m back on the Trump train, at least until he says something stupid again.

      • Cy

        5…4…3…

      • robc

        So, next tweet?

      • ChipsnSalsa

        Spending will increase!

  37. Evan from Evansville

    SHEEEEEEEEIIIT.

    It’s 10pm here SoKo time and we had to go in for some weird training aaaand….our already delayed by two week semester is supposed to start on Monday. We were shown (kinda shown. More thrown in.) how to use Zoom because apparently there is a huge chance that we will be largely teaching online classes instead of having all the little ones with us in the classroom.

    No one is really happy about this. I have full confidence in teaching on Monday but I am always very nervous about being tasked with using a new program when I really haven’t been given the chance to fully play with it. Oh. And about half of the kids I’m tasked with on Mon are about 5 years old. So they have to be able to use a computer/tablet/phone on their end…and they will supposedly be watched by parents who can call in and complain…and up to 12 kids per class could be possible.

    Fun! That seems like a great idea! But these parents are paying roughly $900 per month for each kid so they do have skin in the game. Tonight I’m guessing will be a chill night in and tomorrow will be out to rock out at the expat bars. Sunday must, must be hyper relaxed. Should be an interesting weekend.

    That’s how the virus is affecting us over here. I’m surprised to see the American response be so similar in tone. There hasn’t been a single crazy story/vid of stores running out of TP or whatever. First class at this school should be in about 60.5 hours!

    • Nephilium

      Zoom’s not that terrible (except for it’s preference to join people by computer audio when they don’t have speakers or a microphone).

      • UnCivilServant

        I’d prefer it if Zoom had to ability to call me rather than having to dial in. I’m lazy, and webex will call me.

      • Nephilium

        When I’m working from home, I just use computer audio, and don’t bother with any phone. The problem is walking the end users through connecting with the correct audio (especially since the chat window is hidden by default).

      • Cy

        Getting my audio settings swapped around and correct between my music player, in game audio and Discord is an every day fight. I switch between a headset mic and phone to a speaker and a combination of the three. I can’t imagine how much of a PITA it would be if I didn’t know what i was doing.

      • Nephilium

        For most of the end users I’m supporting, their computer doesn’t even have speakers or a mic, but Zoom defaults to Computer Audio anyways. So we have to walk them through joining by phone (and that usually falls on the poor tier 1 support guy).

      • UnCivilServant

        Fuck that, I’d have to find a microphone.

        My work issued me a phone, I’m going to use that for work teleconfrences from home.

    • invisible finger

      Kids that age should be able to help you navigate the software.

    • straffinrun

      Glad to hear your back in the game. There isn’t much panic buying here at all. People pretty calm and just wearing masks. How’s the zeitgeist in Korea?

      • Evan from Evansville

        @Straff: Pretty much exactly what you said.

        EVERYONE is wearing a mask everywhere. The nightlife areas (Daejeon is roughly 1.5M people so there are plenty of spots) are much less populated then they used to be. Just the streets. I’d roughly say down by 50% or so if not closer to 70%.

        But everyone lives their life like normal and no one really seems panicked. The biggest exception being the schools, which indeed does directly affect me.

        Was at immigration on Wed and I couldn’t find a single person (foreigner or Korean) who wasn’t wearing one. So odd. And the news is all over it. Sure. But daily life on the streets is just what one would expect.

      • invisible finger

        Do people wear the masks because they think its effective or do they do it to save face/fear of being ostracized?

  38. The Late P Brooks

    Meanwhile, down at the levee

    The federal government is giving local officials nationwide a painful choice: Agree to use eminent domain to force people out of flood-prone homes, or forfeit a shot at federal money they need to combat climate change.

    That choice, part of an effort by the Army Corps of Engineers to protect people from disasters, is facing officials from the Florida Keys to the New Jersey coast, including Miami, Charleston, S.C., and Selma, Ala. Local governments seeking federal money to help people leave flood zones must first commit to push out people who refuse to move.

    In one city in the heartland, the letters have already started going out.

    Last year, Giovanni Rodriguez, whose white midcentury house backs onto a creek in the southern suburbs of Nashville, got a letter saying his home “is eligible for participation in a floodplain home buyout program.” The surprise came a few lines lower: If necessary, the city “would acquire properties through the use of eminent domain.”

    ——-

    The willingness to use eminent domain shows how quickly the discussion around climate has shifted. Even as President Trump publicly dismisses the scientific consensus of climate change, his administration is wrestling with how to move people out of the way of rising seas and increasingly intense rainfall.

    Still, threatening to push people out of their houses is an extreme step, experts said.

    Climate change! Trump!

    Despite the fact this program was apparently initiated in 2015, when some other guy was inhabiting the Oval Office, they are obligated to blame President Climate Denialist. He doesn’t really believe in climate change, he just likes the idea of driving people from their homes, I guess.

    Nowhere in the article do we find, “Go ahead, stay where you are, if that’s what you want, but when the river rises you’re not going to have any flood insurance.”

    • invisible finger

      “eligible for participation in a floodplain home buyout program.” The surprise came a few lines lower: If necessary, the city “would acquire properties through the use of eminent domain.””

      How is the subsequent line a surprise? A buyout program IS eminent domain. “Take this low offer now or take a lower offer and handcuffs later.”

      • I. B. McGinty

        For Nashville they make you a fair offer. If you pass, they move in to the next house. The money they use will run out and they want to get as much as they can with it.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Stopping the subsidy of flood insurance would be a good start.

      • Brett L

        Yes. Although I’ll have to check. Citizens (state insurer of last resort) in Florida may have a higher credit rating than State Farm. I would be willing to bet a huge chunk of the Hurricane Michael property in the panhandle was insured by Citizens, and it didn’t even cause a blip. Although I think its weird that I get my home insurance through Citizens because my roof-frame is pre-code. And has been in place on the same house for 50 years. I think there’s one other ding that probably keeps me there… an old main breaker box that’s also aged out of code? I’ll fix that one. The roof is just getting replanked and shingled when it needs it. Which should be another 15 years since the previous owners put one on just prior to our purchase of it.

    • leon

      They should Eminent Domain that jackass Obama.

    • Rhywun

      WTF does this have to do with “climate change”? People have been stupidly building in flood zones for centuries.

  39. Rufus the Monocled

    No thoughts on Codeira stepping down as prez of U.S. soccer?

    Disappoints.

    • Festus

      What? That game that spoiled little girls are wont to play come Saturday ‘morn? Nope, don’t care.

    • Q Continuum

      It’s a fuckin’ joke. The guy basically said “The women don’t get paid as much because they don’t generate as much money. Oh and BTW, their physical abilities are not on par with the men.”

      Truth is sexist!

    • SDF-7

      There’s a US soccer?

  40. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Volunteer at local elementary school (in a high income district) just tested positive.

    Game on.

    • Brett L

      If your kids aren’t immunocompromised, this is like the ideal time for them to get this. I’m not saying I’m taking mine to cheer up elderly patients at the local nursing home as the virus is racing through, but this panic around schools is utterly baffling to me.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Ideal for them, not for me.

        Wasn’t my kids’ school in this case.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Your kids? Who the fuck cares about your kids?

        This is about the Teachers Union.

      • Nephilium

        I think the panic around the schools is to prevent the germy kids from passing it on to their grandparents more then anything.

        I know I’m planning on staying far away from my parents for the next several weeks (and have told the girlfriend if she’s planning on staying in the house when I get home her 90+ year old grandmother is not going to be seeing her for the next month or so).

      • Cy

        Schools are giant petri dishes full of super spreaders. From what I understand, we’re all going to get it, what the experts are trying to do is limit the through put of how many people get it at a time. Closing schools may be a good way to do that. I’m not sure how well that’s going to go over with daycares and people having to stay home and watch their kids (possibly another added bonus,) but I think they’re making the right call.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        This

        If they wait until the infection is running rampant, it’s already too late. Closing the schools at that point will only hinder healthcare because so many nurses depend on schools to take care of their kids.

      • robc

        Also, the Spanish Influenza graphs going around showing that the areas that closed schools proactively instead of reactively had lower death rates. Not sure how applicable it really is.

      • invisible finger

        Hmmm.. Our data from 1918 about temperatures is no good despite scientific effort in collecting it in 1918, but our data about school closings from 1918 bureaucrats is thorough and unassailable.

      • robc

        I am pretty sure newspaper reports of school closing announcements from 1918 are more accurate than adjusted temperature readings, but I could be wrong.

      • AlexinCT

        No, you are far more likely to be spot on than otherwise. The watermelons are a cult, and they will say and do anything to convince people to allow them to put into play their final marxist solution (with half or more of the population dying one way or another and the serfs living in caves while the elites eat caviar and jet around the globe).

      • AlexinCT

        I’m not saying I’m taking mine to cheer up elderly patients at the local nursing home as the virus is racing through, but this panic around schools is utterly baffling to me.

        There is this event happening on the second Tuesday in November of this year that the apparatchiks are desperate to influence so the senile, insane, dumb, and menopausal moron whose only credential and plan for the future literally comes down to “I am not evil orange man, and I pay homage to the right sort of commie shit the purity testers demand before I get the vote of approval”, and again, as they are telling us should replace evil orange man because he is bad, stands a chance? Cause when seen from that lens, the need to incite panic, kill people, and crash the economy become blatantly obvious.

      • Festus

        They needed a crisis. We all called it months ago. Drumphinputin must be slain! Well, here we are.

      • AlexinCT

        Straight out of the play book of said notables as Mao, Stalin, Lenin, Pol Pot, the Kims, The Castros, Chavez & Maduro, and other such great mensches like Hitler, Pelosi, and Shumer. Body-count numbers varies.

  41. Cy

    Some really good info, in a non-panicky, non-political interview:

    https://youtu.be/cZFhjMQrVts

    Essentially, hold onto your butts.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      I watched that the other day and it was an excellent video. No histrionics, just the facts Jack.

  42. leon

    I’m not panicking, but i am starting to hunker down. Not going out if not necessary. I’m kinda bummed cause now I really don’t feel like going to the Gym is a great idea.

    • RAHeinlein

      Where are you located?

      • leon

        Bum fuck Desert, Utah. I’m not to worried as there are only a few cases out here, but i’d rather not get sick anyhow.

      • RAHeinlein

        Corona ain’t no match for them rattlers!

    • Nephilium

      One of the spin studios I tested out has suspended all activity for the next month. I cancelled the class I was planning on going to tomorrow.

      • Gender Traitor

        Went to my usual spin class at the Y last night. Attendance was down (7 of us, I think) but no classes/activities cancelled AFAIK. Had folks running around doing extra sanitizing. Still no confirmed cases in our county last I knew.

      • Nephilium

        3 confirmed in Cuyahoga, 1 confirmed in Stark. And the Stark county case is being called a community spread case (no contact with a known vector). That’s where the Ohio government is getting the 100k infected number from.

      • Tres Cool

        Fuck that statist POS Mike DeWine. And while Im at it, his horse-faced daughter that runs commercials at every break on WHIO to be the next prosecutor in Greene County, too.

        https://alicedewine.com/

        “Alice is a member of the Greene County FOP Lodge and is a former member of the Greene County FOP Benevolent Board.”

    • Festus

      Wifey works at the airport and one of my sites is a postal sorting depot. I’m kinda resigned to the Flu Manchu. I’m fairly strong and healthy so hopefully a few days of feeling low and then onward and upward. I self-quarantine even in healthier times so won’t be much risk to others.

      • Nephilium

        I traveled through Atlanta airport Monday, and am traveling through Baltimore airport today. I’m going to guess I was exposed. My sister works at one of the hospitals in Cleveland, and brother in law works as a firefighter/EMT. All of us are out of the high risk groups (39-42 years old, in good shape). My parents on the other hand would be in the high risk groups, and now live under a mile away from my sister/BIL. I’m expecting some entertaining stories from my sister about her needing to yell at my parents to stay away from her.

  43. cyto

    On the toilet paper front… I could be in trouble. I said “no big deal” to the wife.

    But we are down to 9 rolls. 5 people.

    No big deal, I said.

    I’ll just order it on Walmart.com and when it shows up, they’ll have it for me to pick up. I ain’t waitin’ in line.

    So today I went on walmart.com.

    You can’t order it.

    Damn.

    • Not Adahn

      The local wholesale club had vast amounts of TP and paper towels out on pallets in the main walkways.

      However, they were selling Charmin multipacks for $42. Which seems awfully high even for name-brands.

      • cyto

        Wow. That seems like more than twice the normal price.

        which is great, if they are able to keep supply in stock by charging more…. but I wonder how they escape gouging laws.

      • Not Adahn

        Maybe the local politicos don’t want to have to deal with the headlines that would result from taking legal action against BJs?

      • Certified Public Asshat

        Damn, I clicked over to the bidet attachments and they are now double in price on Amazon.

    • Nephilium

      I just hit up Amazon looking for an oral thermometer to check my temperature over the next couple of days. Everything appears to be back ordered and not even shipping for a week.

    • Festus

      I get the “roll ends” from work. We won’t run out unless nobody shows up to shit. We’ve bought toilet paper maybe twice in the last eight years. Both times for when company was coming.

    • AlexinCT

      Get a delivery subscription to the NYT, WaPo, and LA Times, and you should have plenty of toilet paper.

    • Rebel Scum

      Amazon Prime

      • Jarflax

        Amazon shows every decent brand as out of stock.

      • Slammer

        I just checked Prime for Poland Spring water, people are selling a gallon for 13.99 ?

    • PieInTheSky

      i should buy more if i find any

  44. Not Adahn

    When failing at something pays off. Dude needs a psychiatrist

    Once you’ve cut your dick off, cutting your throat is NBD.

    • leon

      You know. Fuck the Democratic party. I’m so through with them and their bullshit

    • straffinrun

      *Puts on dunce cap*

      Uh, why was it in there in the first place?

    • UnCivilServant

      Pass the “No unrelated amendments act” which makes it a felony for a legislator to tack on an amendment unrelated to the title of the bill, and force the titles to be complete descriptors of the actual effect of the act, not some PR acronym.

      • leon

        That would put a damper on the passing of the “Fuck Amerian Civil Liberties” Act

    • Rebel Scum

      Yes, Joy. What does abortion have to do with WuFlu? Why should anything related to abortion be in a bill ostensibly to address CV?

  45. Slammer


    George A. King III
    @GeorgeAKingIII

    Hopefully Angel Hernandez was wrong about the time frame for MLB to return from the hiatus that started Thursday due to the coronavirus. “See you guys in June” the umpire said to a group of baseball writers outside the Yankees’ clubhouse on Thursday in West Palm Beach.

    Angel Hernandez has been fucking up calls for years

  46. The Late P Brooks

    Whycome no martial law?

    America is shutting down as Americans learn to adapt to life amid the coronavirus pandemic, a global health crisis that is straining public health systems and burrowing deeper into advanced economies and societies by the day. The question nobody can yet answer: for how long?

    “I am confident that by counting and continuing to take these tough measures we will significantly reduce the threat to our citizens and we will ultimately and expeditiously defeat this virus,” President Donald Trump said Wednesday evening, announcing a 30-day ban on certain travel from Europe.

    But domestically, the administration has been slow to issue specific guidance or declare a nationwide state of emergency, leaving governors, mayors and other local officials to implement a patchwork of guidelines and rulings that vary from state to state. The Trump team’s response has been the subject of steady criticism in recent weeks amid its struggles to ramp up testing and rhetorical misfires from the president, who spent weeks downplaying the economic and public health threats posed by the virus’ spread.

    Why won’t the federal government declare a state of emergency and clear the streets? When will President Cartoon Villain take his responsibilities seriously?

    • robc

      I like that he is leaving it up to the governors. It is better handled at the state/local level.

      • Rebel Scum

        Except governor Coonman (D-umbass, VA) has never missed an opportunity to declare a state of emergency for little to no known threat.

    • leon

      But domestically, the administration has been slow to issue specific guidance or declare a nationwide state of emergency, leaving governors, mayors and other local officials to implement a patchwork of guidelines and rulings that vary from state to state

      I’ve been in the libertarian frame of thought for so long that the i have no concept of “One organized central plan” being good. But there are so many people who the idea of thousands of different plans seems like an awful idea. Evertyhing must be directed from above and everyone needs to be on board on the same plan.

      • robc

        Sometimes I think we are the same person.

      • leon

        hahaha me too…

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        I NEED MY DADDY

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Actually I think it has more to do with the idea that if we’re all on one plan, we all have an equal outcome. if we have multiple approaches, some may do better than others and we’ll have nobody to blame but ourselves.

      • leon

        Yeah, i think it’s a bit of that and a bit of “we can’t have more chaos we need One Unified Plan handed down by experts, to follow”, because then everyone will be on the best plan. In short to them there if there is more than one plan, then someone is guarenteed to do something wrong. It’s best that we all take the risk on one plan.

      • B.P.

        I’m guessing the people who are screeching for One Unified Plan think the Trump Administration has shitty experts on staff, so why wouldn’t they want a distributed plan?

    • Festus

      I fear the ratchet. The Government ratchet lacks a pawl. “Patriot Act”, anyone?

  47. PieInTheSky

    I just canceled my London accommodations. Also made some extra supplies. I have more pasta than I usually make in 2 years (3 500g bags). Also frozen cod which I dont even know why I bought, probably cause it was cheaper than salmon

  48. PieInTheSky

    I think this will be a bad year for the automotive industry in general.

  49. The Late P Brooks

    It seems to me it makes more sense to stock up on decongestants than toilet paper.

    • Raven Nation

      Agree. I was somewhere the other day (can’t remember which store): almost no TP but plenty of cold meds on the shelves.

      • Rebel Scum

        Might stop by the RiteAid/Walgreens on the way home bc thinking about it now I don’t think I have any cold meds. (Need more booze and dark chocolate too.)

    • Akira

      I still have half a bottle of Promethazine from when I got bronchitis last fall… I’ll be hanging on to that bad boy.

  50. AlexinCT

    While I hope this is absolutely true, and after the election we end up with Trump and full control by team red of congress, past results leave me feeling like it means squat. Then again, the last time this happened many team red asshats were against orange man because they were part of the establishment that he threatened and team blue had not yet gone to their scorched earth tactics and woke up the team red players to the fact that if they didn’t fight back team blue would make sure they were all out of work permanently, so this might be different in the end. My only concern is that team red decides because they are in power that the horrible criminal activity of the bureaucracy should be sweeped under the carpet instead of resulting in jail time for so many people that used the power of government for personal/political agendas.

  51. PieInTheSky

    I am starting to hate coronavirus as much as coronabeer

    • robc

      Lets not get irrational here.

      • UnCivilServant

        pie is the product of two irrational numbers, it’s hard to expect a different result.

      • robc

        Is there any number that isnt the product of two irrational numbers?

      • UnCivilServant

        4,6,8,9,10, etc… Any number with whole factors.

      • robc

        4 = sqrt(2) and 4/sqrt(2)

        Both of which are irrational.

      • robc

        and meaning multiply.

      • UnCivilServant

        You wrote that wrong, that’s just 4=4*1

      • robc

        The correct answer is 0. It is the only number that is not a product of two irrational numbers.

      • AlexinCT

        What about i?

      • robc

        i = sqrt(2) * i/sqrt(2)

        i/sqrt(2) is irrational. Just irrational perpendicular to reality.

      • robc

        Actually, I am wrong. Well, right, but for the wrong reason. All complex numbers with a non-zero imaginary part are irrational, as they can’t be expressed as the quotient of two integers.

      • Jarflax

        pi(e)

      • UnCivilServant

        *monotone*That’s the joke*.monotone*

      • Jarflax

        I missthreaded, I was trying to reply to Rob, cause it’s better when someone else explains it.

    • Brett L

      I don’t know if the Corona Familiar has made it across the pond, but its a decent mass-produced Germexican beer.

      • PieInTheSky

        dunno and don’t care…

    • Rebel Scum

      For some reason there is Modelo in the fridge at the office. We do “beer-30” Fridays and CV has been the talk of the office. Perhaps some enterprising jokester will provide Corona for this weeks beer-30.

  52. leon

    Fucking “DevOps”.

    We are starting testing for a new release and what do they do? Delete a crucial file that is used for testing from our server. So now everyone is trying to figure out how we can fix the tests around this rather than going to DevOps and boxing them across the ears and telling them to put the file back. They do this every release where they make a drastic change that fucks up our testing. They couldn’t plan it worse.

    • Brett L

      I’m not an expert on DevOps, but it seems like if the Ops guys are still fucking the Devs on stuff like this, you’re doing it wrong.

      • leon

        Where i work the “DevOps” team ends up being the “Do whatever management wants immediately without warning the Devs” Team. Completely revamp the VM launching tool to be wholy unusable by developers? Done. Do it again at the begining of another round or release testing? Done. I don’t blame them so much as the fact that we aren’t able to position ourselves as the primary customer.

      • Brett L

        So, like Agile, most implementations of DevOps in practice is just rebranding the old way of doing things and buying some new work tracking tools? I’m having a hard time finding my shocked face.

      • AlexinCT

        Is that a titty with 2 nipples? Paging Q for quality control!

      • UnCivilServant

        No, those are eyes with a mouth in a flat line, and a fivehead above.

      • AlexinCT

        I lead my company’s business are’s major DevOps team – from the technical perspective (lead architect/technical implementer) – and I will tell you I fight my own management more than I do the devs or any other community. My management knows they need me to keep their shit alive, which is why I get away with being brutally honest and calling out their incompetence, and man do they show it in spades. I guess the whole adage of promoting incompetence up so you can avoid it breaking things is as true an axiom as you can get where I work.

        And boy do they hate me when I tell them that doing fast waterfall, with too many manual touch points, is not Agile, which is what they tell their senior leadership we are doing (see, what a transformation!… yeah right). I do have to admit that because they are desperate to claim they are Agile I have gotten far more opportunity to automate than I have had in the previous 5 years, and I took it to the bank. I know that people that formerly belonged to my company’s QA and Project Lead (a.k.a Spreadsheet Jockeys) areas hate me for making them all but obsolete because of a hands off CI/CD pipeline, but the devs love this new world where 4 day processes, and then, only for processes sake, now are DOA and stuff happening instantaneously makes their lives easier.

        Then again, I can’t automate and build AI that handles some of the real stupid people and the stupid they produce, and especially the management types, but I keep trying.

    • AlexinCT

      Wait, you have a file that is critical for testing and it is not under some kind of source control? Cause while I think the DevOps team showed some real stupid deleting a file without checking, I am going to tell ya I will not have much sympathy for anyone that doesn’t manage critical content in source control.

      • slumbrew - double secret satan

        That was my thought as well.

  53. The Late P Brooks

    Wealthy and powerful? Like members of Congress?

    U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez blasted the Trump administration’s handling of the coronavirus outbreak during an appearance Wednesday on Fox News’ “Special Report.”

    Among her comments, the New York Democrat questioned whether the U.S. has the best health care system in the world and asserted that the “wealthy and powerful” might be getting quicker access to coronavirus testing in the U.S. than average Americans.

    Gulag Barbie screeching about Trump? Say it ain’t so.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Screeching is all she knows.

    • Rebel Scum

      Always. Stay. On. Message.

      • Festus

        I don’t get it. I even pushed back at work last night at a coworker bitching about Trump’s response. “Both sides add riders to bills. What makes you think that this time would be different? They’re assholes. This is not the time to be politically partisan.” She looked like a drowning carp. Fucking lefties… Never missed a meal in their entire life.

  54. Sean

    So…my boss is a smart man. He owns the company – he built it from the ground up. He texted me this morning asking if he’s going to have trouble getting ammo right now and which calibers he needs. He thinks the next thing coming is martial law.

    Good job MSM, you fucking over-hyping pricks. ?‍♂️

    • Plisade

      Smart man. I’m not stocking up on TP; I got a new Sig Carbine.

      • Sean

        A smart man already has a throne of ammo cans.

        I’m considering using Coronavirus as an excuse to buy a plate carrier and some plates that I’ve been putting off for years now.

        https://www.ar500armor.com/veritas-general-issue-package.html

        Any Glib opinions?

        Also, nice pick up there, Plisade.

      • I. B. McGinty

        Both. 😉

    • Don Escaped ORD

      I take your point, and I’m not taking shots at you, but

      the media aren’t the ones who will be treading upon your rights. 27 of the asshole governors who are thinking about declaring a state of emergency this morning are Republicans. They are every bit as authoritarian, self-dealing, and rights-tramping as the 23 Democrats. The masses are screaming for answers, and they will get them good and hard. We laugh while Russians applaud the extending power of their tsarist president, but, when the chips are down, I can’t promise you Americans will be so much better.

      Freedom lovers everywhere will see the excuses, the excesses, the complications, and the horrors, and the lie that Team Red is so much better than Team Blue will be obvious.

      As for me and my house: 45ACP and 12ga.

      • leon

        For sure. I’d say freedom and Liberty are admired by most, loved by a minority, and understood by even fewer.

  55. The Late P Brooks

    “The system is not really geared to what we need right now, what you are asking,” Fauci told a House panel Thursday. “That is a failing. A failing. It is a failing. Let’s admit it.

    “The fact is, the way the system was set up is that the public health component … was a system where you put it out there in the public and the physician asks for it and you get it.

    “The idea of anybody getting it easily, the way people in other countries are doing it, we’re not set up for that,” he continued. “Do I think we should be? Yes, but we’re not.”

    What in the everloving fuck is that even supposed to mean? Can’t they find somebody who speaks english to talk to?

    • UnCivilServant

      Is the article really no longer than the headline, or is it one of those sites that hides content behind javascript?

    • robc

      It also means that it is spreading much faster than the states numbers.

    • PieInTheSky

      as i said before I am not worried about the general fatality rate but about the fatality rate for elderly relatives with some preexisting conditions which is higher that regular flu.

      • Cy

        Ditto. Also, wifey is preggo, currently has bronchitis and has asthma… I don’t get a lot of sleep lately.

      • PieInTheSky

        wifey is preggo – It is all your fault then. also don’t say preggo you are not 15 (or are you?)

      • Jarflax

        What? He’s Italian, welcomes his wife and cannot spell. What does that have to do with being 15?

      • Cy

        I’d like to think I’m young at heart or maybe I just spend too much time around my teenager. Nah… definitely young at heart.

      • PieInTheSky

        of you have both teenage children and a pregnant wife? doing your bit for overpopulation I see

      • Festus

        We need every shit-lord and lady to do xer part!

      • Cy

        Indeed. Both parents have large families (13 and 5) and I’m glad they decided to have one too (4). I’m pretty fortunate to have the family I do have and want to continue the tradition. I’m trying to talk my wife into 5… may be more. Kids are pretty awesome.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Probably true. But if suddenly 70% of the country came down with the flu, that would still be a quarter million deaths on average. More than enough to overwhelm the healthcare system.

      The primary issue is that there is no herd immunity, and the mortality/hospitalization rate is still significantly higher than the standard flu even including asymptomatic cases.

      • cyto

        We had 80,000 deaths and 900,000 hospitalizations due to influenza in the 2017 flu season. There was no panic, no shortage of healthcare resources.

        We still don’t know the actual rates for this new virus, but I’ll bet that even the latest estimates (.7% from South Korea) are still high. They are approaching flu already. Usually we don’t know the actual rate until it everything is long over and it is too late, but there is so much testing in this case that we are likely to get a real number before the virus peaks. I’m betting on something south of .5%, maybe even right at .1%, equal to the flu. There are bad flu strains that are worse)

        If their numbers are to be believed, we are looking for more like a half million dead. Maybe more. If the “it is 10x more lethal than the flu” is true, and the exact same number of people get infected as were infected with the 2017 flu, we are looking at 800,000 dead. And this is supposedly more transmissible too. And there is no latent immunity to this novel virus, unlike all of the circulating flu strains.

        Hell, if it was the initial 6-8%, we’d be looking at well over a million dead and tens of millions hospitalized. That is the scare number. That’s why Public Health officials are treating it so seriously.

        The rest of us? We should really take a chill pill. You’ll still be able to poop, even if the coronavirus apocalypse happens.

        But the numbers we are hearing from China are not compatible with the early estimates. They are not even compatible with today’s estimates. It is a massive and extremely dense population. The virus has been circulating there since at least October. We’d be looking at millions of deaths if it was as bad as they are reporting.

      • PieInTheSky

        the issue is as long as we don’t know for certain a bit of extra care is needed.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        The 6 to 8% numbers are bullshit. It’s probably in the 1% range across all age groups. It’s the rate of infection that poses the resource problem.

        If it were 7%, we would be way, way beyond fucked.

  56. PieInTheSky

    is there betting on whether Trump has COVID-19?

    • Q Continuum

      CNN would ejaculate so much it would die of dehydration.

      • PieInTheSky

        ejaculate as in what people do in porn or in certain novels where the author does not like the word “exclaimed’?

      • AlexinCT
    • AlmightyJB

      Trump IS COVID-19.

      • Festus

        Covfeffe-19

  57. robc

    We are now up to 6 confirmed and 6 presumed cases in South Carolina.

    Only 1 confirmed in Charleston County, the rest are upstate somewhere (I dont know my counties yet).

    The 1 flew in from Italy. got tested and self-quarantined about a week ago. So far, so good. Looks like they handled it as best as possible.

    It really isn’t an issue here yet, hoping it remains that way.

    • cyto

      If only Trump had instituted testing…

  58. PieInTheSky

    In Romania there was one guy home quarantined who got drunk, broke quarantine to get more booze, drove and caused a traffic accident.

    Speaking of Americanese spelling, quarantine seems like the kind of word I would expect to have a double letter somewhere for no reason and t does not. quaranntine would be the most likely candidate

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      “GWAR In Teen” is the preferred pronunciation

      • Nephilium

        /cue Teenaged Girl

    • PieInTheSky

      And in RO we have one possibly two members of parliament covided

    • Gustave Lytton

      It’s an Italian origin. From wiki

      The word quarantine comes from a seventeenth-century Venetian variant of the Italian quaranta giorni, meaning “forty days”, the period that all ships were required to be isolated before passengers and crew could go ashore during the Black Death plague epidemic.

      The -ine ending means of or pertaining to.

    • Rhywun

      Quarrantine would make more sense. A la “warrant” or “errant” etc.

    • Pine_Tree

      I still can’t think of the word without remembering the plague flag scene in Swiss Family Robinson.

  59. Gadfly

    This lady has more balls than the rest of the world “leaders” combined.

    Indeed. FTA:

    Another source added, “The Queen didn’t change her schedule during the swine flu outbreak and has never changed her schedule after terrorist attacks. It’s business as usual.”

    That’s how you head-of-state.

    • PieInTheSky

      Must be the daily dubonnet or the daily gin or the wine. I like to believe it is booze.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      She’s an animatronic.

      I BELIEVE

    • leon

      She’s like “PLEASE KILL ME, I’ve watched my country go from Prestige of the world to backwater authoritarian democracy.

      • UnCivilServant

        Presiding over the loss of your dynasty’s empire is not a presitgious spot in history.

  60. The Late P Brooks

    ps- my “favorite” cold medicine/decongestant is Alka Seltzer Cough and Cold (I think that’s what it’s called) I think what I have on my shelf was purchased in about 2014.

    I have a pretty robust immune system.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Effectively, that’s what we’ll all be doing, whether we want to or not.

      • Raven Nation

        I’m confused: what will we all be doing?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Developing herd immunity

    • Raven Nation

      AAAAAAAND, there’s at least one crazy on that thread:

      “Henrietta Bewley
      Large orange diamond
      @BewleyHenrietta
      Replying to
      @StuartJRitchie
      I personally believe the Cummings – Johnson lot want maximum deaths as fast as possible. As the elderly will mostly die, it will reduce:
      the pension deficit;
      social care / winter fuel bills / future demand on the NHS / free bus passes;
      long term sick ;
      & Solve housing crisis”

  61. Scruffy Nerfherder

    The situation we want to avoid here. Potentially upsetting, you’ve been warned.

    “I’ve reached a point where I have to send this message for the good of Italy, of Naples: yesterday my sister died because of the Coronavirus. I’ve been waiting from a response from the proper legal institutions since yesterday evening. This video is very graphic, please do not show it to children.

    I’ve been forced to do everything to combat this situation. I’m here with my dead sister in bed, dead! I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t give her the dignity she deserves. I called the doctor and he didn’t care. I called every possible institution. Nobody answered me. I’m waiting for the response from the emergency number.

    I asked for a test yesterday but they refused. So I put myself in quarantine as I’m positive I’m infected. I gave my sister mouth-to-mouth to try to resuscitate her, to try and keep her alive.”

    • Q Continuum

      That’s fucked up.

  62. Mojeaux

    I have a problem.

    The prom dress I ordered for XX came from China. It’s lovely. Nice fabric. Well made.

    I also ordered it 2 sizes too big, so I have to send it back (too big to be altered I think). So. Do I go ahead and order another one to get it in time for prom (April 26 but it’s coming from China) or wait in case prom is canceled?

    • gbob

      Or just start feeding her a lot more so she can fit in the dress.

      • Don Escaped ORD

        Proms aren’t cancelled?

        I figured the kids were going to skip the cattle call and go straight to drugs and naked sports.

      • Mojeaux

        Today and this coming week is spring break.

        Prom is April 26.

        Fortunately, the dress is alterable.

    • pistoffnick

      There should be someone local who can alter it. It won’t be cheap, though.

      Or it could be a mother-daughter bonding experience to alter it yourselves. I hear sewing machines are all the rage among glibs. (I was cool before all you posers)

      My girls found their prom dresses at a consignment shop at a sharp discount.

      • Mojeaux

        As it happens there is an alterations shop close.

        However, I am a rather accomplished seamstress and just had my machine out the other day.

      • Mojeaux

        She didn’t think it was alterable and I took her at her word before I looked at it. It’s an easy task. Tedious but easy because of the way it’s made.

        BTW I hand embroidered the fabric I used to make my wedding dress. I also made my mother’s dress

  63. The Late P Brooks

    Journalist-on-journalist violence

    As the coronavirus pandemic gripped the country over the last several weeks, television viewers — especially those supportive of President Donald Trump —- had one place they could go to for some sense of solace: Fox News.
    “If you are over the mass hysteria, if you’re over politicizing and weaponizing of the coronavirus, you are not alone,” Sean Hannity, the highest-rated host on Fox News, assured the network’s prime time audience this week.
    Indeed, over the past several weeks, top hosts and personalities on the conservative cable news network downplayed concerns about the virus, baselessly accusing credible news organizations of overhyping the crisis to hurt Trump politically.
    At other times, Fox News hosts and personalities pointed to the death toll of the seasonal flu, misleading the network’s audience into thinking that the coronavirus was receiving more attention because it is novel, while the flu in fact kills more Americans and was, thus, more dangerous and cause for alarm.

    Fake news!

    WHYCOME THEM NO PANIC TEH RUBES LIKE WE?

    • Gustave Lytton

      I hate everyone.

      • Sean

        ^^

      • Gustave Lytton

        Your always on topic avatar pic still cracks me up every time.

    • leon

      Indeed, over the past several weeks, top hosts and personalities on the conservative cable news network downplayed concerns about the virus, baselessly accusing credible news organizations of overhyping the crisis to hurt Trump politically.

      :sigh: I don’t watch a lot of Fox. But what i have seen is that they are far more credible than CNN or MSNBC. When you have anti establishment left preferring Fox to CNN, you start to see what the real divide is becoming.

    • Rhywun

      Maddow was going on last night about “LGBT hardest hit!” I only flipped it on for a couple minutes (never watched her before) just to see what it’s like over there.

      • Drake

        I haven’t watched her since 2016 election night – tuned in just to see her crooked sad face.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Ugh, she’s the smuggest person on television.

    • Suthenboy

      Credible news organizations.

      *snort*

      • Sean

        RUSSIA!!!11!1!!

        IMPEACHMENT!!!111!!!!!!11!

        ?

  64. The Late P Brooks

    But a significant part of Fox News’ coverage had been aimed toward framing the response to coronavirus as unwarranted hysteria. The often-dismissive messaging from Fox News hosts was particularly notable, given that, like other cable news channels, the viewers who make up the network’s audience skew older and are, thus, the most vulnerable to the disease. The remarks from the hosts also raise concern given how much influence figures like Hannity wield over Trump, especially since Trump recycled some of those very talking points on Twitter and when speaking with the press to initially dismiss the public health crisis.

    By Thursday, after Trump addressed the nation from the Oval Office and the seriousness of the crisis settled in with millions of Americans, it was clear some Fox News hosts and personalities started taking the matter far more seriously. But still, others have continued to pollute the airwaves with misleading information.

    Hate speech. Lock them up.

    • leon

      But a significant part of Fox News’ coverage had been aimed toward framing the response to coronavirus as unwarranted hysteria.

      It absolutely is. And generating Hysteria is the absolute worst thing seeing as the best thing is to limit the number of people panic rushing the hospitals.

    • Akira

      There really is a coordinated campaign by Leftist establishment types to portray any right-wing speech as “dangerous”. They’ve already tried to criminalize certain anti-CAGW speech, so I have no doubt that they have their eye on UK-style speech controls that are enforced with actual prison time.

      The “slippery slope” isn’t really a fallacy when you’re dealing with people who always do escalate and expand their positions.

  65. Nephilium

    Alright all. Time to power down the laptop, check out of the hotel and go to the airport. I feel sorry for my one coworker, who’s flying internationally today (back to Central America).

  66. Festus

    And FUCK YOU Neil Degrasse Tyson! Pluto IS a planet! The ninth one! Or the first, depending on which way you count.

    • UnCivilServant

      what about when it’s inside the orbit of neptune?

    • leon

      Making Pluto not a planet is my favorite think about NdGT

  67. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Freaky Friday: COVID Terrorists

    This page has been hacked by Thomas Little Evil Utoyo, Calton, David Law and Thanthom.
    March 6, 2020By
    Thomas Little Evil Utoyo
    This page has been hacked by Thomas Little Evil Utoyo, Calton, David Law and Thanthom. We want to let you know that we have spread COVID-19 onto #Moscow’s both #Dubrovka metro stations and Ostankino tower by various means.

    Next, a few days ago another cell Khengwin, T-Zehang and 曾家顺 had also tainted two #SU2581 flights separately with the COVID-19. It’s all too late now for them.

    Yours truly, Thomas Little Evil Utoyo, Calton, David Law and Thanthom.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And it’s gone. This was added to the very top


        quarantine was advised by the prophet Mohammad more than 1400 years ago

        ‘Amir b. Sa’d b. Abu Waqqas reported on the authority of his father that he asked Usama b. Zaid:
        What have you heard from Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) about plague? Thereupon Usama said: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: Plague is a calamity which was sent to Bani Isra’il or upon those who were before you. So when you hear that it has broken out in a land, don’t go to it, and when it has broken out in the land where you are, don’t run out of it. In the narration transmitted on the authority of Abu Nadr there is a slight variation of wording.

        حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ يَحْيَى، قَالَ قَرَأْتُ عَلَى مَالِكٍ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ
        الْمُنْكَدِرِ، وَأَبِي النَّضْرِ، مَوْلَى عُمَرَ بْنِ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ عَنْ عَامِرِ بْنِ سَعْدِ بْنِ أَبِي وَقَّاصٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، أَنَّهُ سَمِعَهُ يَسْأَلُ، أُسَامَةَ بْنَ زَيْدٍ مَاذَا سَمِعْتَ مِنْ، رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي الطَّاعُونِ فَقَالَ أُسَامَةُ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏”‏ الطَّاعُونُ رِجْزٌ أَوْ عَذَابٌ أُرْسِلَ عَلَى بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ أَوْ عَلَى مَنْ كَانَ قَبْلَكُمْ فَإِذَا سَمِعْتُمْ بِهِ بِأَرْضٍ فَلاَ تَقْدَمُوا عَلَيْهِ وَإِذَا وَقَعَ بِأَرْضٍ وَأَنْتُمْ بِهَا فَلاَ تَخْرُجُوا فِرَارًا مِنْهُ ‏”‏ ‏.‏ وَقَالَ أَبُو النَّضْرِ ‏”‏ لاَ يُخْرِجُكُمْ إِلاَّ فِرَارٌ مِنْهُ ‏”‏ ‏.‏

  68. Gustave Lytton

    Well Weyerhaeuser’s annual tree sale is cancelled so won’t have to worry about planting seedlings this year. Kind of good because I haven’t cleared the area where I want to put stuff in and its been a pretty crappy winter for getting stuff done already.

    • Festus

      Ugh. Tree planting is a young xer’s game. I used to enjoy cutting them down, though. Good money.

      • Gustave Lytton

        I buy them by the individual seedling, not bag so not that back breaking. Most I did one season was about two dozen. Some of them are still alive too!

      • Suthenboy

        “Tree planting is a young xer’s game.”

        That’s no shit. I watched a crew of 12 plant 200 acres in one day at the start of February, not one of them over 25 years old. If I had tried that I would be in the grave.

      • Raven Nation

        Yeah. We planted 20 arbor vitaes last fall as privacy screens. Maybe 4ft high. Even that damn near killed me and we spread it out over two days.

      • pistoffnick

        “I used to enjoy cutting them down, though.”

        I still enjoy cutting them down

    • Drake

      I just order 3 birch and another apple tree. That should be a workout with my shitty rocky soil. If my boy isn’t back to college, I may have to delegate.

  69. Suthenboy

    Christ. Just saw a bit of news. All CV, all of the time and every bit of it Cargo Cult bullshit. What a bunch of morons.

    *locks door, closes blinds, checks pistols*

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      My small town is managing to keep their wits but there is less toilet paper and soup on the shelf than usual.

  70. Festus

    Replaying this from an earlier thread. Actually made me tear up a little. Watch, Children and wonder what might be… https://youtu.be/GBaHPND2QJg

    • Festus

      Tip o’ the tri-corn tin-foil to Leftanant Fish.

  71. Michael

    Last night I stopped at the local supermarket to pick up some wine for my wife. Holy crap, people are insane. The lines stretched from the registers down each aisle and all the way to the back of the store. Being a curious type, I sauntered through the toilet paper aisle to see what it looked like – sure enough, it was ransacked and completely barren. The weird part? The immediately adjacent shelves were fully stocked with paper towels. The more I try to understand people sometimes, the more confused I become.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I still don’t understand why people are buying out the bottled water.

    • Drake

      My pandemic stockpiling has just been picking up some canned stuff like ham and vegetables, and sticking them in the corner of the garage. If this is just a memory in a few months, the local food pantry gets them.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Whether this turns out to be something or not, I’m going to be eating a ridiculous amount of rice for the next six months.

      • UnCivilServant

        your fault for stocking up on rice and not something good.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        When you’ve eaten up all your canned soup and I’m still eating the diet that fueled the buggers that whooped us in Vietnam I’ll be the one that’s laughing.

      • UnCivilServant

        I seem to recall we got beaten by a lack of defined objectives, internal perfidy, and bureaucrats hampering war efforts.

      • AlexinCT

        And the fact their troops ate rice while ours needed steaks…

        Don’t forget that.

      • UnCivilServant

        The only advantage that gave was that they could dig smaller tunnels.

      • Gustave Lytton

        This statement does not make sense.

    • Festus

      Paper towels don’t flush well. Ask me how I know this.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’m willing to bet you’ve lost count of how many times it’s backed up a toilet you had to unclog and clean up after.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Feminine hygiene products.

    • dorvinion

      I’m tempted to go out for lunch today to see how stocks at the local stores are holding up. We need to do our weekly perishable run anyway.

      I’ve stocked up a about a month worth of meals in our freezer for convenience, not emergency really.
      Well, it would be a months worth, maybe more if I could convince my wife to buy more than 2lbs of rice, and 3lbs of potatoes at a time.

      I hate cooking so once every couple weeks I buy bulk the items for one recipe and take half hour to prepare 5-10 dump and go freezer meals.
      Dumping a bag in a crock pot or 9×13 and having food ready to eat at 5PM is always wonderful

  72. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Shootout in the parking lot of the Pho restaurant about 50 yards down the street from me.

    Cops and ambulances showing up now.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      Somebody must have sneezed on someone else.

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Definitely not the guy who ran about 100 yards before he collapsed.

      • Drake

        Shot, or just fat?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Bleeding out

      • Gustave Lytton

        Tried to order pad Thai?

      • Rhywun

        One of the cops?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        No cops involved in the shooting. Drug deal gone bad or something of that nature.

        Must be Spring.

      • Rhywun

        I was making a fat cop joke. ?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        DOH!

    • leon

      Gangland?

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        My business is right next to some Section 8 housing.

        The city is always on me about keeping my property nice for the residents, when the residents are a bunch of filthy pigs who throw trash everywhere.

      • Fatty Bolger

        Reminds me of my High School, which some brilliant thinkers in the 70’s built alongside with public housing, because it would supposedly be good for the kids, and good for the neighborhood. Result was a student murdered in the school parking lot in consecutive years, plus regular muggings and car break-ins.

    • Festus

      Well that’s a shit-load of drama. Who needs professional sports?

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      I got a laugh though.

      One of my customer’s crews was picking up some equipment. When they saw that many cops down the street, they immediately switched drivers.

  73. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Well shit, they just postponed the Masters. That’s actually kind of a surprise.

    • Drake

      Really – just play it without spectators.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I figured that’s what they’d do.

      • Rhywun

        Aren’t a lot of the players in Europe? They can’t get here.

        But yeah I wanted sports to go on without spectators. Last night I was reduced to watching Hannity.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I didn’t think about that. They might be exempt but maybe you’re right.

      • Raven Nation

        AFL starts next weekend. Right now the first round goes ahead – without spectators.

      • Rhywun

        I’m just assuming it’ll be cancelled at this point. Along with everything else I watch. ?

        Oh and don’t get me started on Fox Soccer Plus going subscription – it means the number of games I will get to watch is reduced by about 4/5. Cable is asshole.

      • Gender Traitor

        NASCAR was going to run without spectators but just announced (within last half-hour?) that they’re postponing too.

      • Don Escaped ORD

        They’re missing out on their big chance.

        I’m not saying it’s not without risks, but the correct answer was for them to deliver a product when all others went to earth. NASCAR never came back from the Great Recession; Joe Sixpack has not returned to the stands, blame what you will. This is their chance to zig while others zag.

        If I were El Supremo for Life France, I would have convened my boys for basic SWOT work.
        * Strength: they’re mobile even without air traffic. Haulers and RV mean they can make the trips with much less exposure than other sports.
        * Weakness: The rules and venues restrict their options.
        * Opportunity: Suppliers are starved. Everyone will kill to have a client, to sell a good or service. ESPN has dead air.
        * Threat: their fanbase is shrinking and forgetting; they can’t risk giving folks time to think of other diversion from which they might not return.

        So
        a/ Implify the rules to isolate you from the risks and specialties and to lower costs. Run street tires, for example.
        b/ Add graspable content. Have a drivers compete in poker or cornhole on Tuesday nights for starting grid bonuses.

        Now is the time to be different.

      • dorvinion

        NASCAR does have an E-sports league and the racing is actually pretty decent. Watched the Fontana race and it was in my opinion better than the real thing.

        The competitors do their thing from their own custom simulators.

        Heck most Cup drivers probably have an iRacing setup in their homes, so they could probably run the race virtually.

  74. Q Continuum

    Old and busted: Soccer Moms.

    The new hotness: Affluent White Female Liberals (AWFLs)

    • UnCivilServant

      Nope. Those AWFL people will never replace reproductive members of society.

    • Festus

      Can’t get it up for Karens. Sooory.

  75. Gustave Lytton

    I’m not sure which bother me more “problematic” or “lived experience”.

    Work threw on unconscious bias training modules for annual crap. I’m saving those for a work from home/lockdown day.

    • UnCivilServant

      “This racist training is triggering and creates a hostile work environment.”

    • Q Continuum

      “My truth”

  76. DEG

    “She will remain in isolation for the time being. She is feeling well, is taking all the recommended precautions and her symptoms remain mild,” it read.

    The couple is now self-isolating.

    Mr Trudeau is in good health and has no symptoms, according to his office, but will remain in isolation for 14 days.

    So what you’re saying is, Canada will be a better place for 14 days?

    • Festus

      He doesn’t do any thing except interpretive dance so it’s a push.

    • Invisible BEAM of the comment stream

      . . . Canada will be a better place for 14 days?

      Yes. Unfortunately, that also means that, once he’s out, he’ll have had 14 days in which to dream up new ways to fuck us all over.  :-/

  77. DEG

    “Unintended effects” of Gov. Wolf’s shutdown order


    The action in Montgomery County, which advised residents to avoid non-essential travel, had the unintended effect of forcing the closure Friday of 63 of Philadelphia’s 200-plus schools. Many Philadelphia schoolteachers live in Montgomery County and won’t be able to go to work, the School District announced late Thursday night.
    Related stories

    Earlier Thursday, Gov. Tom Wolf directed all schools, community centers, gyms, and entertainment venues in Montgomery County — where more than half of the state’s 22 cases of the coronavirus have been found — to shutter starting Friday in a sweeping “social distancing” measure aimed at mitigating the spread of the illness.

    A friend of mine resurrected a restaurant in western Montgomery County. He spent a year and tens of thousands of dollars to resurrect it. He’s been open since last Summer. I checked with him once I heard this news. I was worried that this might drive him under. He says, nope, his capacity is under the “magic number” (my words, not his) of 200 so he can stay open.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      My crazy 84 year old MIL wouldn’t stop going to work at a Philly public high school this week.

      Tried to talk some sense into her to no avail.

  78. mrfamous

    People need to understand that the entire country locking themselves in their homes will cost lives. Ceasing almost all commerce and production will cost a ton of lives. Taking unreasonable precautions is gonna do far more damage than the virus possibly could. Just because those dots are harder to connect, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Every million dollars in lost production and wages _will cost people lives_ somewhere down the line. There’s no such thing as “safe alternatives.”

    I realize it sounds inhuman to bring up “cost/benefit” analysis, but shit like this is why that sort of thing is important. Reasonable precautions are great. Reduced social interactions are probably a good idea. Shutting everything down for a couple months is asinine and would be beyond disastrous. SMDH.

    • Festus

      This is the Plan.

    • IRBE

      CV Apocalypse is the zaniest thing to happen in my 50+ year life. Intermediate precautions are reasonable and peoples responses are predictable. I am not sure how it will shake out but a lot of the extracurricular activities and expenses of modern life will be impacted. I for one, believe this will result in a mini-baby boom since there are no sports to watch.

      • Festus

        That jib you cut. Tasty!

    • leon

      There definitely seems to be a push by some people to make this seem worse than it is. Say i have a tin foil hat but it is very clear to me that there are a lot of people who want the economy to crash so that they can get Trump out of office.

      • Festus

        Obvious! *gives leon a swirly*

      • Raven Nation

        “there are a lot of people who want the economy to crash so that they can get Trump out of office.”

        I’d modify that slightly: there are a lot of people who believe that the “free market” is inherently unstable and that a crash is just a matter of time. They’d just like it to happen in the next few months.

      • invisible finger

        The free market is about price discovery, the very thing central banks were created to avoid.

  79. Festus

    Maybe it’s just me but the urgent need to set my own hair on fire every few years has sorta dimmed since I became of a “certain age” Likewise my scale of hotness when it relates to women.

    • Festus

      “But the faps, Moe! Think of the faps…”

      • Bobarian LMD

        Who’s got time for dignity?!?

  80. Scruffy Nerfherder

    *chuckle*

    You’re invited to join us this Saturday, March 14, at the Hofheimer Building in Richmond, Virginia to elect party officers, select Delegates for the National Convention, and enjoy an afternoon of fellowship with other Virginia Libertarians.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      *double chuckle*

      Seating will be limited, so preregistration is limited to LPVA members only. Advance online registration will save you time upon arrival during the check-in process.

    • leon

      Go to push for Jacob Hornburger.

      I was going to go to my state convention, but it landed on per-planned business.

  81. Mojeaux

    Took XX to work.

    After smelling XY’S room I had an urgent need to stock up on candles.

    • UnCivilServant

      How big was the void created by panic buying at wally world?

      • Drake

        I was in a Walmart yesterday. Pretty much business as usual until I walked past the isle with purell and disinfectant wipes – those shelves were just empty.

      • Mojeaux

        Didn’t go into the grocery section at all. I just wanted to get out of there alive.

        There was NOT. ONE. CART. to be found in the store and I didn’t think to collect one from the corral so I was fast-walking to the registers with 4 big candles in my arms trying not the drop them and old people in my way going slow.

        One lady actually ran into me with her cart because she wasn’t looking where she was going and I was all the way over to the right as far as I could go.

      • UnCivilServant

        Now I’m just imaginging you repeating something akin to what goes through my head in a crowd.

        There’speoplehere. Can’tstop. There’speoplehere. Can’tstop.

      • Mojeaux

        Yep.

        Generally speaking, if the kids want to do a thing and I say no, they’ll say “Why not? … Oh. There will be people there.”

        Bingo, kids.

    • Don Escaped ORD

      A full half of my parenting was telling Escaped Jr: “girls don’t like that.”

      I don’t blame women, but all those guys who act like crap: it would stop if a certain something were no longer available.

      • Mojeaux

        Exactly. Forget religion and sin.

        It’s the economy, stupid.